One Week In

One week into 2009 and I am finally going to post my "Farewell to 2008" post. Unfortunately, I started it WAY too late in the game to get it finished before then! Last year, my "year in review" was my 100th post and I made a picture slide show. If I have added correctly, this will be my 453rd post, and since I don't have my photos back, I am going to try and do "links" instead...which may dwindle as the year goes on...

When I was reflecting back on 2008, two words really stood out for me--Friendship and Miracles. This year surely had plenty of both. Working in a hospital with very sick children means that sometimes it seems like I am surrounded by death (and I have written about MANY sad times here). However, 2008 seemed like it had LOTS more miracles and MUCH more hope...not sure if that is how it was or if simply my perspective has changed. I wrote about the miracle of Poppy Joy on December 1. Even though she was born in 2007, her birth led me to some of the miracles I saw in 2008.

January--My first post was about working last New Year's Day. Unfortunately, the child I wrote about in the second paragraph passed away the next month, but both those little girls were miracles to have lived as long as they did. January also brought sweet Mary Grace and little Maddox and I was introduced to their sweet moms, Kim and Kenzie. In skimming through my January posts, it looks like I had some fun times with some new friends. I also posted about one mother's grief journey ...I have never met her, but she has taught me SO much. At the end of the month , I received a beautiful card from a friend and ended with "Friendship...it is wonderful gift...even "friends" who are "strangers" can make an impact. How amazing is that?! I love that God keeps sending such fantastic, unexpected individuals into my life..."

February--I took my first of two trips to California, meeting up with a friend I met when I was ten ("randomly" on the beach when I was there with my family). It was also the month the world met precious Asher although the friendship element of that meeting didn't come until later in the year :o)

March--Both Laurie in Ca and Marcie became my "blog friends" which developed into more than that as the year went on--thanks for all the blessings :o) I wrote about a baby in this post about a baby who suffered terrible injuries from her baby-sitter. Miraculously, she is alive and thriving. My "A" team girl who had been very sick in February was able to go home.

April--I took my foster parent classes and met some new people. I also met "the baby" who was VERY sick and became fast friends with his mom. Not only did this baby live long enough to make it to transplant, but he celebrated his first birthday and then Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year at home. I attended a retreat about hope which came at the perfect time.

May--I ran a 10K for Organ and Tissue Donation Awareness. I met up with one of my friends from the hospital. At that time, she was pretty sad after having had a couple miscarriages. I started praying for her and she will be having another little girl early this year. I spent quite a bit of time with the baby's mom, and celebrated my blogging anniversary . I did respite care and the little girl got to play in my new play room.

June--The month started off in finding out that an adult patient I had cared for passed away suddenly. It was SO sad to find that out, but a lot of things happened that day and I am grateful that God placed those wonderful people in my path. I actually did a few other social things, including this and this . I also went to my 10-year High School Reunion.

July--This is the month that "the baby" got out of the hospital for the first time! A miracle indeed! I came here asking for prayers for this little one . That turned out to be the first time of many times this year she was fighting for her life. She is still fighting today. I wrote about a "new friend" here and went to the Transplant Reunion . I would venture to say that July was the month that Emily and Kristy became more than just strangers on the other side of a computer. How wonderful to find friends through the "magic" of the Internet!

August--My family reunion and the month I got my BLOG MAKEOVER (which I still love!!). I got a good performance evaluation at work :o) I wrote about making a special memory with a patient who had a pretty poor prognosis. Today, she is doing GREAT! I also started corresponding with another single girl who was starting the foster parent process.

September--"We" all prayed for Baby Faith when it seemed she wanted to come way too soon. She stayed put and came out big and healthy :o) The baby was discharged from the hospital after being very sick with pneumonia, but his cousin passed away from complications after getting hit by a drunk driver. This was kind of a crazy day, but I started my first Bible Study which was a great experience and I met some neat people (I am starting another one later this month.)

October--October was an AMAZING "friend month"! I went out with my high school friend, visited my college friend in Northern California, my friend I met when we were ten in Southern California , and spent some time with my friends who are moms of patients. (It was really fun looking back at October's posts, even though some of them were kind of sad...most were not :o) )

November--My sister's friend from high school went into the hospital at 23 weeks. I went and visited her here and prayed for that baby. As far as I have heard the baby is still "cooking" while she remains on bedrest in the hospital. So, maybe the baby won't have to be in the hospital for along after she is born. I posted for the 400th time. For the second year in a row, I attended a Thanksgiving Retreat on Gratitude. (There were lots of other fun things too, but this is getting to be a pretty long post as it is!)

December--Again, I started December remembering Poppy Joy . A tiny miracle who started a whole year of me keeping my eyes open watching for all the little miracles. I spent some great quality time with many different friends. I put up a Christmas tree for the first time in three years. Everything on my computer was wiped out (and the speakers are already starting to sound crackly again), but I came to the realization that "things" are just that, and I have wonderful memories that aren't going anywhere (and an awesome brother-in-law who recovered many of the files!)

Well, there is 2008 in a nutshell (well, SORT of "in a nutshell"...it is still a VERY long post!) I am so grateful for all the people God brought into my life and for how He opened my eyes to see the miracles all around me. For sure 2009 is going to bring lots of babies (I am not sure I can COUNT how many people I know who are pregnant!), but other than that, I have no idea what is in store for this year. In a comment, Marcie wrote "...may 2009 hold great joy and many surprises"...I am sure He has more joy and surprises than I can even begin to imagine.

May 2009 bring much joy and many wonderful surprises to all who visit here. Thanks for stopping by and leaving words of encouragement...they mean so much.

Good night.

It worked out

As I wrote last night, there wasn't really a "wrong" answer to the decision that I ended up making, but I definitely like the way things worked out. Of course, it most likely would have "worked out" had I made a different decision, but I'm feeling no regrets.

I ended up calling my friend a little before 1:00 to see how things were going on her drive, and we visited for a bit until her cell phone battery was running out (and it isn't good to have a dead cell phone when you are on a long car drive!)

I went to Curves this morning and found out that I have lost a little weight this past month. I was pretty excited about that, especially since tomorrow I am going to embark on a little weight-loss adventure of sorts. I've never done anything like that, but my friend "swears" (if she swore, that is!) that it will give me more energy and feel better. It is a rather expensive "adventure", but I guess not quite as much as the one I almost took yesterday! She is planning to start the same program tomorrow too, so hopefully she will send some encouragement my way when I need some :o) Tonight I watched the first episode of the new season of The Biggest Loser and was nearly brought to tears MULTIPLE times. That is pretty typical, but this episode got me even more than past ones (which is the idea I guess considering they dubbed this the "biggest" season...) This time I actually watched the episode without consuming hundreds of really bad calories like I usually do, so that is a step in the right direction! (So, if you are thinking that you've seen my pictures...I know that I'm no where near "biggest loser" material, but I AM only five feet tall and figure this is worth a try...) Anyway, enough about that!

I got all my Christmas stuff put away and kind of organized the storage area under my steps. My Christmas things were in boxes, but I bought "green" plastic bins for everything (I guess for when I start having decorations for other holidays that can go in different color bins!) I got my thank you notes written and did a couple loads of laundry. So, it was a pretty productive day. I'm off tomorrow too and have plenty of things left to do :o) I'd better get ready for bed!

Good night.

No "Wrong" Answer

It's kind of nice when there are no "wrong" answers, but it also makes it a little challenging.

Today was a "super crazy" day at work for me. I was really stressed out all day and it actually ended with tears streaming down my face at one point. Maybe I have just been "spoiled" by having easier patients so today just SEEMED to be terrible, even though it wasn't really THAT bad. However, it sure did feel "that bad". With respiratory season comes the dreaded oximeters. Very good technology to make sure patients are getting enough oxygen to their brains by putting a "sticker" on them, but you still need a person to make sure they are working properly. Two of my three patients were on oximeters all day. Both of them were rather fussy and squirming around which leads to unnecessary alarms to my phone. They also both liked to not breathe very well when they were upset so I couldn't just IGNORE the constant alarms, just in case they did, in fact, need more oxygen. I ran from one room to the other ALL DAY LONG (of course, if I had had a parent there, or one that spoke English, it would have made things a little easier...) I also had to go off the floor with my OTHER patient for a 30 minute test and THAT patient decided to buy himself an oximeter as well...at least for a little while.

All in a day's work, I guess...it was a LONG twelve hours for sure, and I am SO happy to have the next three days off!

I did, however, have the opportunity to be a little spontaneous (or maybe "impulsive"?!) and take a little overnight road trip with a friend. It would have involved driving all night long and then using one of my free airline tickets to fly back home. After discussions with a couple different people, the decision was ultimately left up to me. Both of them made good points, but neither really tried to sway me one way or the other. In the end, I decided that there may be a better time, maybe an even more fun way, or more necessary way, to use my free airline ticket. While driving all night long with my friend would have been fun, and it would have been nice to get away from here for a while, I definitely would have been pretty tired when I got back home. I also wouldn't have been able to DO anything with my friend except talk, and I'm not a very good car traveler so probably would have been asleep before we left the state! Plus, I was pretty crabby after the long shift, so probably wouldn't have been that great of company anyway.

If I would have gone, it would have been great, but not going was a good choice too. Now, I will sleep in my own bed for as long as I want since I don't have to get up early. Tomorrow, if I want, I have all day to do all those things that I have been meaning to do. No "wrong" answer, but I think I made the "right" one for this time...with a little help from my friends :o)

Good night.

SOME day...

Yes, SOME day I will send "Christmas Cards". SOME day, I will write my thank you notes. SOME day, I will actually finish my "end of 2008" post. THAT day, however, was NOT today!

Even though I slept really well, I dragged through most of the day. I went to church and then had breakfast with my mom. I did get my agenda sent for the meeting this week which was something that HAD to get done today. I went with my dad to his girls' basketball game to keep score. It was pretty fun even though they got beat pretty badly (it's usually entertaining watching 7th grade girls play basketball, especially when they are playing for my dad because he is SO fun and the girls at least TRY to play well even if they are not good basketball players!)

I actually didn't go to the hospital today to visit my friend. I didn't really think she needed to be subjected to my apparent "funk", but it was still a hard decision to make. Thankfully, though, I didn't really HAVE to make a decision because her phone was turned off when I called from the store to see if she needed anything.

I did end up talking to her, and to another friend, on the phone for a while which definitely helped bring me out of whatever was "ailing me" earlier in the day :o)

It's only 9:00, but I'm thinking about getting into bed with a book and go to sleep earlier than usual. Back to work tomorrow.

Good night.

Like a Rock

Not QUITE long enough, but I did sleep like a rock last night. I was still up WAY past "bed time" considering I had to go to work today. I got ready a LOT slower this morning than I did yesterday and barely had enough time to blow dry my hair so it was a "no make-up" day. Oh well, it was Saturday and it isn't like I'm trying to impress anyone :o) My long hair did drive me crazy all day long...I think I'm ready for it to be long enough to donate even though then I'm sure I'll miss it!

It was a pretty quiet day today. I spent more of the day working my mouth than anything else, which was fine with me :o) Thankfully I had fun people to talk to! The roads were a bit slippery today, so rather than staying and chatting with my friend, I was "instructed" to head home when I got off.

Last night, I cooked fajitas (which is one of the reasons I was up so late ) and my friend and I had that for lunch (she loves that recipe and it was MUCH better than anything the cafeteria would have on a Saturday!) and I had it for dinner as well. It was pretty darn yummy if I do say so myself :o)

Well, I had planned on going to bed a lot earlier tonight, but now I'm kind of wrapped up in the football game. My family does a pool where we pick teams on Christmas (only ten of us at $1 each). My team is Indianapolis (I had the fifth pick). So, I "need" them to win and it is in overtime right now! Of course, LT and I have the same Alma Mater, so I suppose it is o-KAY either way. Speaking as if I regularly watch football on TV...I do enjoy me some baseball and a little college basketball, but remember there is no man living in this house! (I TOTALLY enjoy watching sports on TV WITH people, but it isn't usually where I turn to first.)

I have tomorrow off and I think that will be good (I have a strong inkling I will find my way to the hospital at some point, but at least I can sleep it). Alright, back to the football game I guess.

Good night.

Edited to add...thirty minutes after the start of this post and my dollar is gone. I think my mom has San Diego, so MAYBE I will root for her team!

Tossing and Turning

I sure hope I do a LOT less of that tonight than I did last night! Yet another reason why staying up until 3:00 in the morning is not such a great idea if you then plan on staying in bed late. When I got into bed at 11:00 last night, I pressed the "sleep" button on my alarm which plays music for an hour. I hardly ever hear music for that long. However, last night I was DEFINITELY still awake when it went off and for a while after that. I then woke up multiple times during the night (which was a short night anyway considering my alarm was set for 5:30!). Twice I woke up after having different dreams with the same message that a patient in my hospital had passed away...that made it even harder to fall back asleep. I got ready rather quickly for running on little sleep, knowing that things would be pretty tough if my nightmares were actually reality. How relieved and thankful I was to find out that nightmare had not come true...at least not last night...hopefully not any time.

I don't know that much about dreams, but I'm guessing last night pretty much was all the stress and worry finding its way out. I got a text message from "the baby's mom" earlier today, but didn't get it until later. She was wondering how I was doing, knowing some of what has been going on here. It is so nice to know that I have people who understand. I AM tired (and should have gone to bed a long time ago!), but this is an "acute" kind of tiredness that I'll be able to "get over" pretty easily :o) For now, I'm having some fun in between the harder times, so I'm not too worried! I'm feeling at least mostly balanced, and I think that is good.

I DO, however, have patients that will want an awake nurse tomorrow, so I'd better go to bed. I'm feeling pretty darn sleepy, so I think it will take long once my head hits the pillow!

Good night.

I Should NOT...

I should NOT have stayed up until 3:00 in the morning. Night owl I am not, and I LOVE my sleep...so, I really could have slept all day but knew I eventually had to get up to go hang out with some friends. It was "football day" and "the big game" was to start at noon...I made it to my friends' house by halftime, which I thought was pretty good :o) I had a good time and was glad to do something "social" (two days in a row going to someone else's house...wow!)

I was, however, pretty much "done" with football after one game, but did stay until about 5:30. I had "big plans" of MAYBE working on my "Christmas Cards" or possibly my "thank yous"...and I still need to finish my "Farewell to 2008" post...and my house is getting back to being barely presentable...

but, sometimes there are more important things than that.

In tonight's case, one of my friends was feeling particularly sad today. Even though I'm pretty sure she would have managed to be fine without me, I wasn't sure I would be able to do any of those other things knowing how sad she was and doing nothing to at least try to help. Plus, to be honest, I probably would have found some other excuse not to do those things... So, I picked up some dinner and headed on over to "her place" where we visited and found things to smile and laugh about. She and her daughter are such blessings to me, so when she told me it would be okay for me to come visit tonight I only thought about those other things for a second because I can use all the blessings I can get :o)

Well, back to work tomorrow...I guess I'm not going to work on my "Farewell to 2008" post tonight. It's probably going to be one of those things that is built up to be something spectacular and falls flat...I'm not sure it will be "worth the wait", but it definitely has been good for me to look back at my posts from 2008 to see where I've been, done, seen, learned, etc. (there were 345 of them...no wonder it is taking me so long!)

Happy New Year!
Good night.

Bye Bye

So, I started typing my "Farewell to 2008" post when it was almost 2:00 and have only made it to March...I'm getting VERY sleepy so think I'll have to save the rest of that post for "later today". In the meantime, this is me saying "bye bye" to 2008. 2008 was a great year and I'm excited to see what God has in store for me in 2009.

Barely Awake

I wish I wasn't so tired because I have "big plans" to write some kind of reflecting back on 2008 to post tomorrow night. I have some ideas, but it is going to take some time! I had a hard time falling asleep last night for some reason, so the 5:30 alarm came WAY too early (good thing I can stay in bed until 6:00!). It was a tiring day at work (we seemed to have an overabundance of fussy children today including ones whose parents like to take "long breaks"...no matter how caring you think I am, I do not do well with persistent crying and my head was already hurting by 9:00, so it was a LONG day!) After work, I stayed and visited with my friend (who happens to be WAY more tired and yet WAY less grumpy than me!) I'm fairly certain that if either of us could have kept our eyes open we wouldn't have had any trouble finding things to talk about all night long! I LOVE that! What a blessing she is :o) As terribly sad as it is that she is here separated from her family, a little (or, in my case a LOT) of "girl talk" is always fun! In any case, it was nearly 10:00 when I got home after being at work since 7.

On a totally different note...have I mentioned that I love my new "Magic Bullet"?! I opened it on Christmas Day and am drinking my fifth, if not my SIXTH smoothie...LOVE it!

Thanks for prayers...my friend DID make it through the night even with some "major challenges" and Kristy posted her ultrasound went well. And, it sounds like Baby Stellan is doing better. Keep on praying for the others...

Good night (after I drink my smoothie and do as much reading as my eyes can handle!)

Prayers for Friends Here and There

Well, since I recently wrote about how wonderful my friends are (and I keep on getting blessed by them!), I decided to take a moment and pray for some of them. While ALL of them need prayers (I'm praying for you even if I don't mention you by name!), there are a few who are really on my mind right now...

• My friend is back here at the hospital with her baby and could use some extra special prayers tonight...I visited her this evening and from what I observed, it could be a LONG night (and I promised her I'd pray "quadruple" for her, so I could use some help!)
• Little "E" who I last wrote about here and asked for prayers back in July is still fighting in the PICU at my hospital. She and her family could definitely use prayers.
• My friend Kristy needs prayers for her ultrasound tomorrow.
• Baby Stellan has been diagnosed with RSV, which, in this nurses' eyes is a really scary virus for a little guy like that. Prayers to all those who are caring for this little guy, and for his Mama...if it is this scary as a nurse to see babies struggling to breathe, I can't even begin to imagine how terrified it is for the Mamas (and Dads).
• My sister's high school friend has been in the hospital on bed rest since Halloween when she was about 23 weeks. Each day the baby stays inside is a day her little body is allowed to grow and develop.
• For my sister and ALL my pregnant friends (and I DO have a lot of them!). Healthy babies all around please :o)
• For Anthony and Aiden and my other transplant friends that they stay healthy :o)

...and for all my friends who have gone unnamed in this lovely little post. I love you too! :o) I have some laundry to finish and then need to head to bed. Back to work tomorrow! Good night.

Feeling Guilty

Through my twinges of jealousy, my short periods of "woe is me", my thoughts of "what if", I NEVER imagined this...I DIDN'T ask for this...and yet, I am still feeling guilty...

This morning, I had coffee and breakfast with a great friend of mine. She is often the first one I go to when I need someone to put me in my place :o) I became friends with her when I baby-sat her kids (who are now 17 and 13--wow!) We don't get together that often, but when we do, I always leave feeling much better and so grateful that God has given me such a special friend (and a friendship that has lasted this long!) This morning was no different and it felt great to talk about some of the not-so-good feelings I had been having but also discuss things I have done so far to work through them. Everything is going to be okay :o)

After church, I stopped by my mom and dad's which is pretty much what I do every Sunday I am off (they go to an earlier service). As I sat sipping tea and eating oatmeal (my mom makes the best!), my mom gave me some surprising news...

My brother-in-law's sister (or, my sister's sister-in-law, however you'd like to say it!) who is highly irresponsible and one of the most selfish people I have ever met apparently announced that she, too, is pregnant...and due a couple weeks before my sister. From what my mom said, she "kind of" knows the dad and is planning to "make it work". Of course, you have to pray for her and for that baby, but I feel SO badly for my sister and brother-in-law. Talk about raining on some one's parade (and I'm guessing those kinds of thoughts didn't cross her mind)...I never saw that coming, and I definitely never wished for anything to capsize their happiness, but I do feel guilty for any thoughts that were less than joyous. In the "natural order" of things, they should have given both sets of parents the first grandchild and it was going to be a monumental occasion (I should know, seeing as I AM the first grandchild!) Their news was quickly overshadowed due to the careless actions of someone who likely doesn't care (okay, so that is kind of harsh, but I am really very sad for them)...

Updated 9:15 PM...I had dinner with my parents, and apparently my sister's sister-in-law is actually due two weeks AFTER my sister which makes things a LITTLE easier to handle...I guess. I suppose there is nothing to say that God won't bless me with a foster child in the next seven months, so in all fairness, I suppose I could potentially become "the spoiler"...I'm trying not to "go there", but trusting that He knows what He is doing...and already has things all planned out...
__________________________
A different kind of "feeling guilty" part of today actually came in between church and receiving "the news". Feeling guilty because it took me so long to have a conversation that has been over a year in the making! I suppose there was no time like the present and I'm SO glad that today was the day :o)

I have been going to the same church since I was about five years old. My parents have been living in their current house since I was seven. So, I know LOTS of people in the church and in the neighborhood. That is how I met my friend I had coffee with this morning even though she has since moved to a different neighborhood and church. I am still friends with many of the moms whose kids I baby-sat, which sounds a little crazy, but I really enjoy talking to them and they have watched me grow up just as I have seen their kids get older (and taller than me!)

Anyway, I remember one of the couples had a baby girl that died. When she died, I remember the mom telling me that she had Trisomy something or other and that they had named her Anne Marie. That was "a long time ago", but after I started reading blogs about babies with Trisomy 18, I got to wondering about that little girl. Probably for a year now, I had been trying to find the right moment to ask her. I would run into her at the grocery store or a basketball game. I would see her at church or other activities, but never wanted to, in a sense "corner her" when there were lots of other people around...not wanting to make her uncomfortable if it ended up being an emotional conversation...

This morning, though, I pretty much caught her alone after church (although we did get interrupted a couple times, but fortunately they didn't create too big of road blocks for me!) I told her I had a question I'd been wanting to ask her for a long time. I could tell she was a little surprised that I remembered, but Anne Marie did indeed have Trisomy 18 and she died October 13, 1995. I was a sophomore in high school. I said to her that she had told me that if Anne Marie hadn't died, she probably wouldn't have her little boy. She said "I wish I could have both..." I let her know that I have always remembered her little girl (and she said some things to me that of course made me cry just like I am crying right now!)

One year, four years, thirteen years or more...the grief remains, and I was reminded again today how much it means when someone remembers. So, as "guilty" as I feel for waiting so long, I am glad today was the day...and now she knows that at least one person has not forgotten.
__________________
Typically, I write my posts at night and so I say "good night"...well, I'm feeling like a little bit of a nap, so maybe I'll stick with my usual closing and say "good night" :o)

Those Who Understand

Hopefully I haven't made it a secret that I have been blessed with wonderful friends. I may not have what one would call A "best friend", but definitely think I have THE best friends!

The past couple days, a few of them came out in full force and I am so grateful for them (as well as for those who were not as visible but I know are there). I didn't even really have to explain myself...they knew, they understood, they didn't question me, they didn't judge me, and they said they will help me. Whether on the phone, in person, or by computer, my friends have surrounded me with love and support. What a huge blessing!

As far as my "issues" go, my thought right now is that God really can do whatever He wants...it may or may not be what I want, or think I want. I'm planning to focus on that for now...and trust He knows what He is doing.
____________________

I did end up having today off work, so I had breakfast with my mom and helped her with a couple "projects". This afternoon, I kept score at my dad's basketball game. This evening, I went to a movie with a friend (Four Christmases...MUCH better than the movie we saw yesterday!) Tonight, I tried out my new "Magic Bullet" which definitely is a lot less messy of a smoothie maker than a hand blender! I love it! Back to work tomorrow...and I still didn't get any Christmas cards done, although I did get some in the mail today which was fun :o) I do have Sunday and Monday off, so maybe THOSE will be Christmas card days!

Good night.

Merry Christmas

I went to bed at 3:00 crying, but when I woke up, I didn't feel nearly as awful and am glad I left my comments brief. I'm not quite ready to delve into all the thoughts and feelings I am having, especially since this is a public venue no matter if five people read it or five hundred...I do know that journalling helps, so I definitely need to do some of that even if my words are not published :o)

Last year, I journaled about "Christmas Blessings"...that MAY be a better post than what I have to say this year!

Our annual Christmas movie this year was Seven Pounds . The movie had a good message, but none of us really thought it was put together very well. Of course, it was a couple tissue movie, but I am the emotional type (especially when organ donation/transplant is involved!)

I did get some fantastic gifts including an external hard drive and a little portable desk for my lap top. I also got a certificate for a massage (gotta love that!) and a "Magic Bullet" which will make smoothie making a lot less messy! Of course, all the gifts were thoughtful and meaningful and it was fun to be with family.

Well, this ended up being a lot longer post than I planned! I am supposed to work tomorrow, but I got a call at 8:30 seeing if I wanted the day off. I said sure (even though I got to sleep in, staying awake until after 3:00 is sure to mess me up!) and will have the day off unless they get a bunch of patients overnight or someone calls in sick...

Merry Christmas from "Me" to you :o)

Plus One

Well, it is nearly 2:00 and I haven't been home from Mass for very long. Even though the choir pretty much butchered one of my favorite songs in the repertoire, I will admit that singing and praying with so many people (especially for a Midnight service!) did make it feel like Christmas is "for real" now. I called work when I got home and the floor only has 10 patients, so I for sure have the day of work (good thing since it would be pretty tough starting work five hours from now!) I just popped in on a couple of "my blogs" and left Merry Christmas comments, so that was fun and helped make it feel more like Christmas! :o)

Christmas dinner at my grandparents' house was yummy and fun. Everyone did a good job with the gift giving so everyone was happy :o) My dad is the one who hands out all the gifts and at one point he started handing out cards from my sister and brother-in-law. We all kind of thought they were saving stamps, but then it seemed we were to open them at the same time. I think I was the first to notice that the "photo card" had a picture of them, then a picture of their dog dressed like a reindeer, and then the note read "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Love, J, M, P, Plus One Due July 20"...I had to tell my grandma she needed to actually read the words because she didn't get it the first time! It was pretty funny and my sister was wiping away tears. My mom is the only one who knew...so even my dad was really surprised!

I probably should just leave it at that because it is late and I am tired, but honestly my emotions are all over the place. I feel awful that joy and happiness aren't the only thoughts I am having. So much so, that I wonder if it is even a good idea to put my other feelings "out there"...I think this calls for some praying before I type anything I may later regret. It brings tears to my eyes that I didn't just come here and type "I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT AND I'M SO EXCITED!" What is wrong with me?!

Well, Merry Christmas! I AM excited that I will actually be able to partake in the annual tradition of going to a movie on Christmas Day. My dad is cooking steak for dinner, so that is something to look forward to as well :o)

Thanks Laurie and Marcie for your comments on my last post...I'm pretty sure I needed those little "boosts". Marcie, I too hope that "2009 holds great joy and many surprises" for myself, and for you :o)

Just an Ordinary Day?

On Monday, when I was at work, I was a little taken aback by the words of one of my co-workers. She was wondering if Christmas doesn't become exciting again until you have kids. She said it didn't even feel like Christmas... I actually didn't have any words to respond to that. While I was feeling "the Christmas Spirit" a little more this year, it really doesn't feel the same as it did even seven years ago when Christmas meant coming home for break after finals before a new semester began. I would have to look back at my calendar/journals to see, but I'm fairly certain that the past six years I have worked Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (or at least scheduled to work). Maybe that makes a difference, but I'm not sure.

I was SO excited to have this Christmas off work. And yet, today has felt like any other day off. I slept in before going to work out. I sat on my couch watching TV, staring at my computer, and eating. I took a long bath just because I couldn't think of anything else to do (although I really could have gotten some Christmas cards done!) I did take the above picture...and noticed that the angel is a little crooked, but I guess that's what happens when you are "vertically challenged"! The presents below are what I have for my family (and eagle-eyed readers may recognize my large trees little friend :o) ).

And so, now I am sitting by the tree, breathing in the scent of my Christmas Cookie plug-in, and listening to Christmas music...trying to remember that this is NOT just an ordinary day! In a couple hours, we will gather at my grandparents' house and exchange gifts after sharing a meal together. Over half the people who will be there do not believe in Jesus. So, I'm not sure if the Christmas spirit will feel quite alive there, although time with family is so special and are moments to be treasured.

I will, however, be singing with the choir at Midnight Mass and SURELY that will make it feel like Christmas, right?!

I captured this picture of one of the ornaments on my tree. Joy is what I hope for all my friends and family this Christmas...and the year to come...

This is the Christmas photo my mom will be including in her cards...

Okay, so maybe typing this will remind me of why this seemingly "ordinary" day is anything but that...I hope so anyway because I would hate to be dubbed a "Scrooge"...

So, maybe I should sit back, listen to the music, take in the glow of the lights, and just appreciate being home and thankful for all the blessings I have been given...

No Coat, a Christmas Collage, a Diagnosis, and a Football Party

That title pretty much sums up the day...

I stayed in bed until 10:30 just because it was warm and cozy there (and because I could, and I enjoy this hibernating thing!)

We had a pot luck at work today as a pre-Christmas party. Not many showed up, but there was quite a bit of yummy food :o) It was still less than 30 degrees, but since it felt about 50 degrees warmer than it did over the weekend, I didn't even wear a coat when I walked across the parking lot! Now that is a different perspective on "warm" :o)

I delivered some presents to some of the transplant folks which has been a Christmas tradition :o) Then, I went to the Ronald McDonald House and dropped off presents to the family my family adopted for Christmas. The parents don't really speak English so they seemed a bit confused about the whole deal, but they got their presents anyway (and I called the social worker to let her know that they didn't seem to know what exactly happened there!)

From there, I went and printed a collage of photos I made to send with Christmas Cards whenever I get around to sending them. It turned out okay...not great, but it does its job (and is much better than including a photo of just me or no photo at all!)

While I was at the store (they have 10 cent prints on Tuesdays!), I called my mom. She had wanted to print off pictures to include with her cards. We took family pictures on Sunday at my aunt and uncle's house. I got one with my camera, she got a couple with hers. I thought mine looked okay, so I went ahead and made prints from that. While on the phone with my mom, she said I should talk to my dad about a doctor's appointment he had last week...

So, I called my dad (and then went and visited him). My dad has Vitiligo which basically means that his skin doesn't have any pigment and it gets worse every year. Until the past year or two, he didn't really wear sun screen. He has been a mail man for nearly thirty years, and has spent much of the past twenty-five years coaching outdoor sports (plus all the years of playing in the outdoors the twenty-five plus years before that...) He now is pretty good at wearing sun screen and sees a dermatologist twice a year. Apparently, he had a suspicious bump on his face that they took a biopsy of last week. It was positive for some kind of skin cancer (he didn't know what kind), but they didn't schedule another appointment until the end of January with surgery the beginning of February. So, it must not be TOO serious, I guess. I had an uncle die from melanoma, so it was pretty scary initially to hear "skin cancer"... I suppose he will get more answers in January (in the mean time, I don't think we will be mentioning this to grandma at Christmas dinner tomorrow...no need to worry her unnecessarily, right?!) Anyway, he didn't seem "surprise" at the diagnosis, and was actually almost making fun of me for seeming at least a little "surprised"...that's my dad for you, I guess!

I did "force myself" to go to Curves this afternoon, and actually worked out more than my mouth :o) That gave me a little peace about my decision to order a pizza (and cinnamon bread sticks of course!) for my very own football watching party :o) I can't even remember the last time I ordered a pizza, so I figured it was okay to "splurge" (financially and nutritionally!) because, it was, after all, a FOOTBALL WATCHING PARTY! I cheered on my Alma Mater to a bowl game victory and it was FABULOUS (the only thing better than the win was the fact that I was text-messaging my cousin throughout most of the second half and found out at the end of the game that MY Alma Mater could quite possibly become his too...AWESOME!)

I can hardly believe that it is "Christmas Eve Eve" and I'm not really sure of what all the "exact plans" are for tomorrow and the next day. It seems like I have worked a lot of Christmases, so it feels like the first one I will be around for. So many times I have gone to Midnight Mass and gotten up for work in the morning (if we don't have any "real plans", I am actually contemplating checking to see if they are offering bonus pay and offer to work half a shift...although, maybe it will be nice just to have the holiday off "for once"). We do Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family at around 6:00 and then I have to be at church at 10:30. As for "the plans" for tomorrow leading up to dinner at 6, I guess I will find out some time tomorrow :o) I still have at least one present to wrap, and I never did get my house all "Christmasy", but it is WAY more "Christmasy" than it has been the past two years, so that is a start :o)

Well, I guess that's a busy enough day, considering I have only been out of bed for 12 1/2 hours!

Merry Christmas Eve Eve to all and to all a good night :o)

When 16 Degrees feels "warmer"

you KNOW it has been really cold!

I stopped at my mom and dad's after work and ate dinner. I also helped my mom frost/sprinkle sugar cookies. I'm not sure HOW cold it was when I got there a little before 8, but when I left it definitely felt like it had "warmed up" a bit.

It was kind of a weird day at work, and I'm pretty glad I am off until Friday. We have been trying to get kids cleared out of there for Christmas, but it seems like some of the parents don't really want to take their kids home. It is SO crazy (and, to be honest, a little frustrating!). Hopefully more patients will go home tomorrow. Unfortunately, the PICU once again is jam-packed full with some kids who are REALLY sick. I'm praying along with their families for "Christmas Miracles"...I don't think ANY time is a good time to lose a child, but Christmas time just seems like an "extra bad time". (Two years ago, in the three months around Christmas, we lost at least 20 patients for various reason which was just awful...I pray there is never a repeat of that.)

While I am glad I was able to help my mom with the cookies, I didn't really get anything else done after work (although, to be honest, I probably wouldn't have been too motivated once I got home anyway!). My meeting for tomorrow afternoon is cancelled which is pretty exciting for me since that means I have another month to get all my stuff together before the next meeting! We are having a pot luck tomorrow at work. I'm not sure what I am bringing, but I do have some presents to wrap and cards to write before then. So, maybe I'll skip my work out again tomorrow...the new year is coming :o)

Well, I have used up all my energy in typing this lovely post, so I think it is time for bed.
Good night.

Hibernating

That's what I feel like I have been doing. Not only do I seem to be packing on a few extra pounds due to constantly eating, but also keep having a REALLY hard time getting out of bed. I was given the chance earlier this afternoon to take tomorrow off. That was pretty tempting, but I think it will probably be good for me to get out of bed and stay up for an entire day (of course, if I get another chance in the morning, I'm not sure I will be able to pass it up!)

I am sure the weather has at least a little something to do with it. We had snow twice last week, and today the predictions were for wind chills in the -25 to -35 range which is just insane! (I'm not exactly sure if that actually happened, but the thought of that just makes me WANT to wrap myself in a blanket with some hot chocolate and not move!) I'm not feeling the least bit sad, just really, really tired...and completely unmotivated.

This evening I did force myself to finish reviewing the minutes from my meeting the first week in December and making the appropriate changes. That was pretty much a necessity, but I am glad it is done.

I think I want to send a little picture collage with my Christmas cards this year, so I worked on that a little bit (I didn't just want to send a picture of myself, but it was a little tough since I haven't uploaded all my photos back onto my computer). The past couple years, I got little gifts and wrote notes to some members of the transplant team. This year is no different...except I haven't written the cards yet and forgot to get little gift bags/boxes for the gifts. Tomorrow is my last day of work until after Christmas, so I guess those, too, will be late.

Crazy that I am so behind on those things considering I had four days off last week plus got off early yesterday! I guess I've just been sitting and eating and trying to stay warm (I was rebelling against turning my heat up, but did end up setting it to 64, although it feels a bit warmer than that in my basement and I am comfortable in two shirts, two pairs of pants, and warm socks!)

I did leave the house to go to church, to a party at my aunt and uncle's house, and shopping with my mom...

Well, since I've been having such a tough time getting up, I should probably consider heading to bed a little earlier, right?!

Good night.

Bonus Afternoon and Heart Attack Soup

When I got to work this morning, it looked like it was going to be a day of discharges (and hopefully not quickly followed by admissions!) We tried to split them up as best we could among the nurses there, but some were "for sure" discharges and others were "maybes" (pretty much depended on how much the transplant team wanted to work today...oh, did I just write that?!...not nice, but unfortunately true at times...). I actually "picked" two kids who were for sure going home since I hadn't worked in a few days so wouldn't complain QUITE as much about having to take a new patient :o) After I got report, I realized that it was highly likely that ALL THREE of my patients would be going home...yay for them...and possibly a yay for me as well.

I sent one kid home at 9:50, another at 10:15, and the third at 2:00. I mentioned to the charge nurse that my dad's basketball team played at 3:00. She said that if we didn't get paged with any admissions and my kids were all gone by then, I could leave and go to his game!

So, I clocked out around 2:45 and headed to the game, excited to have a "bonus afternoon" to do whatever I wanted. (Of course, my "big plans" didn't get done any of the FOUR WHOLE DAYS I had off this week, but it was a good idea anyway!) The game before his ran late, but was a pretty exciting game (eighth grade girls he had coached when they were in sixth grade, so it was great seeing how much they have grown and improved!). The referees were not that great for seventh grade "B" girls and called every little travel and foul, which you REALLY can't do with that caliber of players. Needless to say, it was nearly 5:00 by the time the game was over! There went the afternoon :o) but at least it was in the gym and not at the hospital!

I went and visited with my parents for about an hour. My mom spent some time this morning with one of my friends and I had to hear HER version of the stories :o) My dad and I also had to tell my mom ALL about the game she missed (my dad ALWAYS does that and he likes it when he has a witness to back up his stories!)

When I got home, my plans to do anything productive went out the window (even though they are closed tightly with predictions of wind chills in the -25 to -35 range...that is just CRAZY!) I HAVE to get my work Christmas cards and presents put together before Monday because that is the last time I work before Christmas. I ALSO need to work on minutes from the meeting I had the first week in December and prepare for a meeting I have on Tuesday. I also should probably wrap some more presents and think about what I am going to do about Christmas cards this year...and yet, here I sit with the computer on my lap doing none of those things, but at least I am sitting by the Christmas tree listening to my Christmas music!

Eventually, I decided I should make something for dinner (just a side note to declare I actually cooked dinner THREE times this week...and that does not include the day I made macaroni and cheese from the box or the day I had frozen tortellini with cheese!) Last week, I tried out a recipe from my soup cookbook. I only used half of what I bought, and I wasn't sure what else I would make with those ingredients, so I made it again. When I told one of my friends some of the ingredients, she dubbed it "heart attack soup" since it not only contains four kinds of cheese, but also two cups of half and half...it DOES taste good, though (and why WOULDN'T it with those kinds of ingredients!)

I'm feeling WAY more tired than I should, considering I haven't had to get up early in a while and I didn't even have to work a whole 12-hour shift! My body is pretty sore from shoveling that ice yesterday, but I don't really have any excuse to be ready for bed at 10:00 (although I AM pretty comfy cozy in my two pairs of pants, three long-sleeved shirts, socks and slippers...I am rebelling against turning up the heat any more...I already had to turn it up a couple notches this week...)

So, I'm nice and warm, have a full belly of heart attack soup, and really don't feel like doing anything more tonight (although, I may do some reading since I found a new place I like to sit and do that).

My "bonus afternoon" wasn't exactly spent the way I wanted it to, but it was great to have it anyway!

Good night.

What is YOUR "Elf Name"?!

Your Elf Name Is: Holly Mince Meat

Son of a nutcracker!

What's Your Elf Name?

I do find it interesting that I did this SAME quiz last year with the result "Stubby Candy Cane Lips"...apparently your "Elf Name" does not stay the same from year to year...

Today, like Tuesday, I was SO thankful to have the day off work. I have gotten into a bad habit of rolling out of bed at 6:00 and leaving for work at 6:40 for a 7:00 start time. Tuesday's snow was pretty light and didn't take that long to clear, but it still would have required an earlier wake-up time. The weather we got last night was a couple inches (okay, maybe an inch and a half) of ice followed by about that much snow. It was SO hard to clear off the driveway (but it sounds like I am "lucky" that my car goes in the garage at night!). My whole body was sore and I only cleared a path for my car and the front steps. It was SO heavy, and took some muscle to get down to the sidewalk even with "ice melt". SO not fun, but again, it would have been MUCH worse if I had needed to do it before going to work a 12-hour shift!

I finally left the house around 12:30 to go shopping with my aunt and cousins. I nearly got stuck on the roads out of my neighborhood, but once I made it out of there, the roads were just wet (schools were called off, and the snow stopped some time in the night, so the crews were out in full force clearing roads). I had a good time with my relatives, but apparently didn't stay with them QUITE long enough! I got to the tiny side road that leads to my house and got stuck as I turned the corner. I was FIVE houses away from my house and could not reach it! I tried calling my mom, but in her effort to "cut back", she got rid of call waiting and the line was busy. I called her cell phone about ten times without any luck. My dad's cell phone was off. I had purchased a shovel and ice melt on my way home so just started shoveling the street to see how far I would get...

I decided to try and call my parents' neighbor to see if she was home. She was, and I asked if she could go knock on my mom and dad's door and let them know I was stuck. She said, "actually, I am on the phone with your mom!" I said, well ask her to come rescue me! As soon as I hung up, I looked up the hill and saw a snow plow headed my way. Unfortunately, I was kind of blocking his path, but once he made it through, it would be "smooth sailing" to my driveway! I managed to back into a nearby driveway to allow him through and pulled up in front of my driveway (because, of course I needed to shovel the area that was now covered with the plowed snow!) At this point, my parents arrived with shovels of their own and we made "quick work"...such craziness, but I still like my Jetta :o)

So, then I had clear roads all around and could go anywhere I wanted (still not ready to try the big hill in front of my house...I even had enough common sense on Tuesday to not do that and I was definitely lacking in the common sense area that day!) After wrapping some Christmas presents, I picked up a friend and we went to the store and picked up dinner. We had a nice visit during the drive (I was thankful the roads were clear, she was thankful I was the one driving...I did ask if she was worried about riding with such a short driver, but she was just glad she wasn't the one behind the wheel!)

Exciting day, PLUS I now know that my "Elf Name" for 2008-2009 is indeed Holly Mince Meat, and I'm not sure WHAT I would have done without that information. Back to work tomorrow (sounds like more snow coming, so I'd better prepare myself to roll out of bed a little earlier!)

Good night.

Cribbage Club

I'm not sure how much I have journaled about my time living in Rhode Island. When I was about to graduate from nursing school in May of 2002, I decided to pursue my "dream" of living on the East Coast. I had thought about it multiple times before, even applying to a couple colleges there. Becoming a "travel nurse" seemed appealing at the time, but I knew I needed at least a year experience before an agency would hire me. My dad told me that if I came home to get my experience, I probably would end up staying. So, I managed to get a job working at a children's hospital in Rhode Island, packed my bags and moved. My sister and cousin were there with me for the summer, but for the next twelve months it was just me.

Those twelve months are kind of a blur to me. I'm not sure why, but I have a hard time believing that I actually lived on my own, thousands of miles away from home, for an entire year. What did I do?! There are times in my life when the memories are so vivid it was like they happened yesterday, and yet I only remember bits and pieces of those months. I recall certain "special patients" (so I know that the special ones I have met these past five years will not be lost from my memory!) and some of the special things I did while I was there, but the day-to-day stuff, not really. I have no idea what I ate (although, in searching through photos today, I found a picture I took of a VERY full freezer of frozen meals...ha ha!) or what I did to keep busy, considering I only had a couple friends. (Well, now that I am typing this, I am actually remembering more occasions than I thought I did...that is good...I would hate to have lost my memory at the "ripe old age" of 29!)

One thing I DO remember doing was going to Cribbage Club. I could go back to my old journals to see when I started going, but I guess that isn't TOO important to this story. "My" Cribbage Club met on Thursday nights at the local rec center. I have no idea what those people were thinking when I first walked in that room that first night. But I suppose it was along the lines of "Surely she is in the wrong place!" Then, they heard my story, that I had moved out there all alone (and just decided to go check out this "cribbage club"!) That does sound like kind of a brave thing to do, but I never really thought of it like that, determined may be a better word!

They welcomed me into their group, and I attended pretty much whenever I didn't have to work. I never did win the "big prize" of the night, but surely brought a lot of laughter along with me whenever I went. It was really fun, and helped make it not quite as lonely. I looked forward to the Thursdays when I could go to Cribbage Club.

When I decided to move back home, they threw me a little party on my last night there (my photos are not organized at ALL so I wasn't able to find any pictures from that night, but am pretty sure there was a cake and presents involved!).

Three years ago, I went and visited them when I was in town for my friend's wedding. I took those photos posted at the top of this entry. (Somehow I found those photos in my mess of a scrapbook room!)

A couple nights ago, I was playing cribbage on the computer against a "robot" and thought about "my cribbage club people" and wondered how they were doing...

Today, I received a Christmas card in the mail from one of the women (actually, the one in the brightly colored shirt in the first photo). Her note read "Sorry to say 'D' and 'M' passed on this year. 'D'-August, 'M'-November". Wow. Unfortunately, my memory with names is not that great (if I recall, I had a hard time even when I was attending regularly!), so I'm not even sure which ones 'D' and 'M' are, but my "guesses" are the woman in the teal shirt and the man in the third photo...either way, I remember hearing them say "M's" name with that Rhode Island accent, and laughing with "D", even if I can't see their faces...

Sure, they were granted much more time on this earth than many I know who have passed away, but that thought doesn't really make it any less sad. I have tears in my eyes thinking about them and what their losses must have done to that group. A loss is a loss no matter how many breaths a person takes (or never takes) or how many years they live. I know that Cribbage Club was a blessing to me, even if I never called it that. I am grateful for the time I spent with them, and am sure I am carrying lessons they taught me, even if they are not "identifiable" (I still lost to a robot a time or two, but sometimes that's how the cards go!)

Prayers tonight, then, for those families, and for all families who are missing loved ones tonight, especially as Christmas is quickly approaching.

Good night.

Movie Night

Well, maybe...if I can stay awake! I haven't watched a movie in a LONG time, but when I was leaving work, a friend mentioned watching a movie tonight. That sounded like a great idea of something to do on such a chilly night. Unfortunately, it is nearly 11:00, so kind of late to start a movie night considering I have a hard time staying awake even if I haven't been up for seventeen hours! I borrowed "Little Miss Sunshine from my parents, so will see how it goes. I may even pop a bag of popcorn and eat some hot tamales even though I just finished dinner an hour ago (a box of macaroni and cheese if I may add!) I have the next two days off, so maybe I will work on Christmas cards or finish shopping or something like that :o)

Alright, off to watch a movie :o) Good night.

Updated--45 minutes later and I couldn't keep my eyes open (I think I only made it through 20 minutes of the movie!). I'm ready for bed now :o) (Maybe I should have thought about a movie LAST night when it took me over an hour to fall asleep!) Good night.

I lost my brain...or at least my common sense!

Again, my "quote of the day" fits with this..."A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination." ~Nelson Mandela...too bad my "good head" had a little trouble today!

Considering I didn't roll out of bed until 12:30, I am thinking I may have left my brain and common sense there! I had set my alarm for 9, but when it went off (after I fell back asleep from being aroused at 7:30 by my cell phone ringing...wrong number!) I decided I didn't want to get up. I knew it was supposed to snow overnight and didn't feel like dealing with that just to go work out :o) So, I thought about just sleeping until I woke up but figured that could be dangerous (I like my sleep!) so I set the alarm for noon. That is when I woke up and I did my usual "snooze button routine" and finally decided that 12:30 probably was late enough!

Once I got up, I made a pot of coffee and just "chilled" on the couch watching the snow fall (our first snow of the season...people always forget how to drive at the first snow, so I was thankful I didn't have to go to work today!). It was around 2:00 when I decided that shoveling was not optional if I ever wanted to leave my house. Since I had not yet showered or dressed for the day, I went outside to shovel in my pajamas (maybe the first clue that my head wasn't quite right, but it did save me a little laundry!)

I had some errands to run, but didn't leave the house until after 4:00. For some reason, I decided to take a bunch of back roads to the store. Roads that I had never tried in GOOD weather, roads that I wasn't even sure would TAKE me to the store. TOTALLY not a smart thing to try when there is snow and ice...

That store didn't end up having all the things I needed, so I had to go somewhere else. Again, I decided to drive on unfamiliar roads and nearly got stuck a couple times in neighborhoods (AND almost headed down roads that were dead ends!). I ended up making it to the busiest street in town at 5:00 right into rush hour traffic. Again, where was the common sense?! It was so busy and the roads were kind of slick so I couldn't even get to the store I originally wanted to go to (thankfully I knew where I could get what I wanted closer to home!)

After my wild adventure on the streets, I spent a couple hours visiting a friend and her daughter. That was the best part of this kind of crazy day! She definitely has a "good heart" with a very "good head" to go with it :o) a "formidable combination" indeed!

I hope it is done snowing for the day/night so the plows and salt trucks can clear the streets before I have to drive to work in the morning. I also hope I won't have any trouble falling asleep after staying in bed so late (not very likely considering how much I enjoy sleep, but always a possibility!)

Good night.

Dreams and Wishes

No, I'm not going to post about any more crazy dreams I've had recently (not tonight anyway, although I did have another semi-"blog-related" dream after the facebook one...) Recently, though, I have been thinking about the line "A dream is a wish your heart makes..." Usually it has come when thinking about some friends and their struggles. Since I kept thinking about it, I did a google search and found the lyrics even more "profound" than I remember (of course, it is from the movie "Cinderella" which I haven't seen since before I knew the meaning of "profound") Because it was on my mind again tonight, I decided to post the words (hopefully this works...it is the first time I have tried doing this!)



Lyrics Disney - A dream is a wish your heart makes (love hits vers lyrics

It's kind of late, especially after a REALLY long day at work, otherwise I really should spend some time in thought about what my dreams and wishes really are. I realized even more last week when I didn't have my computer that I spend very little time in the quiet, experiencing the stillness. I'm pretty sure I have thought about trying to do more of that in the past, but obviously it didn't last for very long! When I was growing up, I had a friend who called me a "big picture person" who had all these big ideas and dreams...I wonder if I am still that person. What are my hopes and dreams? There are quite a few things I can think of that I would like to see and do and try. But then I wonder about even looking to somewhere else green because the grass is pretty darn green right where I am at. How can I dream of "bigger and better" when things really aren't that bad right now (and much of the time are pretty darn great)?

(I wonder what I will think about this when I look back and read it later...that is a little more thinking than what I thought I would do...not quite "introspective", but a good start!)

Tonight, though, I know that I am dreaming, wishing, and praying along with my friends who are hurting tonight, and dreaming, wishing, and praying for miracles, healing, and that they "wake with the morning sunlight, to find fortune that is smiling on them".

Good night.

You know it's cold...

when your nose hairs get frozen, your face hurts, and you can hardly breathe because your throat burns. I think one of my friends on facebook said it best when she was "wondering why anyone would go outside today!?" My response to that was "I agree with that...it's FREEZING!!" Too bad it was my one day off out of four and I had STUFF to do!

I went to church this morning and could hardly believe it when the director told us that at practice this week we would go over all the songs we will sing on Christmas Eve. I was wondering why we wouldn't do that NEXT Thursday, but that is CHRISTMAS! Wow, I have some shopping to do! My mom had her holiday party last night, so she came to the later service than she normally does. She and my dad usually walk to church and she said her face was hurting so bad by the time she got there and I was more than happy to give her a ride home :o)

After that, I had breakfast with my mom and did a few things at home before going on a little shopping trip with a friend. We went to Wal-Mart (I can't remember the last time I stepped foot in one of those stores willingly, but this is a new one and is actually not that scary :o) ) and picked up a few things. Unfortunately, when we were leaving, I didn't exactly remember where I had parked my car, so we were frozen a bit longer than should have been necessary...sorry!! She did buy me some soup which helped warm me up from the inside out...definitely the perfect day for soup.

Today was my hospital's Christmas Party. For some reason I must have thought I worked since I did not RSVP. However, when a friend said she was going I said count me in for free food and drinks :o) It was held at a really neat museum downtown that has a gigantic Christmas tree and tons of exibits. So, good food, drinks, AND scenery! I think the COOLEST thing about the party, though, were the people that were there. Not only did I see the Chief Nursing Officer and Executive Directors, but a number of staff nurses and nursing assistants along with staff from housekeeping and people who go around the hospital picking up specimens and dropping off medications (we call them "messengers"). People who earn minimum wage gathering with those who make "six figures"...isn't that the way it ought to be?! All of us received the same food, the same drinks, the same venue to "get our party on". :o) I have said multiple times how much I love the place where I work and this is yet another example of why. I saw lots of people I knew, and it was just fun to get out and be social...for a single person I don't do that nearly as often as I maybe should!

This is part of the big tree...really neat!

Well, back to work tomorrow. I'm hoping it isn't nearly as cold (although, maybe it is better to be stuck inside for thirteen hours when it is that cold outside because it isn't like I would want to go out and do anything anyway!)

Good night.

Second Verse

not QUITE as the same as the first.

Back at work today, and once again we have a "packed house", which made for a generally busy day. However, today I actually had a bit of "down time" that I spent coloring with a patient. (She wanted to have a drawing/coloring contest...um, I think I'll pass on that considering that side of my brain doesn't work very well...) That was fun until I realized that it put me a little behind on the stuff I actually needed to do in order to get off work on time. But, I guess it was still fun and I didn't get out TOO late, but it made for a crazy couple of hours.

I had pretty much the same dinner as last night (I like these new salads I found that have dressing and mixings to made different "flavors" of salad...of course I eat the whole bag which probably takes some of the healthiness out of it...). And HAD to make another smoothie. This one wasn't quite as messy, but also not QUITE as yummy.

I may have gone a little overboard with trying to "fix" my computer tonight. A friend told me about a place where you can play online games. So, I signed up, but something I did (either when I upgraded my Internet Explorer right before that or in the process of signing up or maybe something else?!) made it so that when I decided I was done playing, that window wouldn't close without shutting down everything...I tried a bunch of times, so maybe I just need to restart my computer and see if that does anything... Ah, technology...it is fitting that the "Quote of the Day" is--Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it. ~Lou Holtz...

Well, I have tomorrow off, so am looking forward to sleeping in :o) Good night.

Yummy Mess

(And a little fun with "Picasa"!)

Yesterday, I spent way too much money at the grocery store (no one else does that, right?!) However, I had pretty much nothing in my fridge or freezer, so it was time. Last night, I made some very yummy--and really unhealthy...four cheeses AND half-and-half--soup. It made enough to bring some for lunch today and I gave some to my mom for hers as well. I'm pretty sure I will be making that recipe again (only with a few more potatoes...it only called for one which made for a pretty "soupy" soup and I kind of like chunky...)

Anyway, I also bought stuff so I could make smoothies (looking through my soup cookbook reminded me that I purchased a hand mixer last year and haven't used it in a while). I don't have very much counter space and the outlets in my kitchen are in really crazy spots. So, I squeezed into a spot and hoped for the best (in case I haven't mentioned, my kitchen is carpeted...whoever came up with THAT idea must have had a few screws loose!). I filled the cup a BIT too full so of course stuff went flying when I turned on the mixer. How I managed to come out of this mess with a still-white sweatshirt I will never know! (Actually, it didn't make THAT big of a mess, but it was a fun title...the soup last night may have really made a bigger mess, but I gave the stove a nice cleaning this evening and switched over to winter burner covers...)

Well, my smoothie is gone (healthy snack, yes, but PROBABLY not really necessary considering the amount of food I ate at dinner...). I got paid today, so need to check and see if it was enough to pay the bills that are staring at me.

Oh, I did work today, but today it feels a lot more fun to write about smoothies than that...back to work tomorrow.

Good night.

Back to the Coffee Table

Well, my computer has made it back to the coffee table in time to post a couple pictures tonight. I am not sure what all my brother-in-law was able to recover since he has it all on an external hard drive right now. In the mean time, I am just excited to have a keyboard at my fingertips to use while I sit on the couch and watch TV...love it :o)

So, last night, I went out to dinner with some friends from high school. I hadn't seen them in "forever". The friend on the right is one that I talk to the most, but she still has my birthday present and I still had her souvenir, so it has been a while since she and I hung out. The other two I saw at our 10-year reunion this summer. All of them are married, two have kids, and two are pregnant...but, we all decided that it would be fun to get together again in January, so hopefully that works out. We did spend some time talking about high school stuff which was pretty funny. One of the girls posted some photos from high school on facebook which was HILARIOUS!

So funny, in fact, that I had to post one of them here. Yes, those are the SAME four girls (with a boy who now lives in Texas I think) when we were freshmen in high school...probably almost exactly fourteen years ago by the looks of what we are wearing (fall or winter attire!)

Well, I drove home from mom and dad's in freezing rain that sort of looked like snow, so I probably will need to leave a "smidge" earlier for work tomorrow...guess that means I'd better think about going to bed soon.

Yay for my computer finding its way back to the coffee table (I did spend some more time reading today and a little Christmas shopping, so it wasn't ALL bad!). Too bad I'm not sure how much of "my" stuff will be coming back, but I feel a WHOLE lot better than I did earlier this week.

Good night.

Oh, and now that I have actually BEEN on my blog, I noticed that the speakers are playing my Christmas playlist without any skipping...so, at least they fixed the problem :o)

Making the Most of It

Or at least trying to!

Since my computer is now in the hands of my brother-in-law, I have decided that he can keep it as long as he needs to if that means more of my files can be recovered. In the mean time, I am still left without a computer at home which actually should not be as big of a deal as it feels like. However, I have grown so accustomed to having it there whenever I want to check something that I almost feel lost without it.

I will admit, though, that having a computer right there sitting on the coffee table next to the couch and the TV has proven to be a distraction WAY more often than not. I have a hard time staying focused and it is so easy just to sit on the couch watching TV and looking at stuff on my computer. My house of clutter is an excellent example of what has happened as a result of having those distractions (combined with not really having any outside motivation for the house to look nice...good thing the internal motivation occasionally comes otherwise it could be a lot worse!)

So, today I decided to make the most of not having distraction from my computer. I did stay in bed until 10:00 just because I could before going to work out. While not perfect, my living room and kitchen now have MUCH more organized piles and I threw away quite a few unnecessary papers. I also did a bit of "shredding". I still have a bit of work to do in regards to ridding the "common areas" of all its clutter, but it is a pretty good improvement (I wouldn't be TOO embarrassed to get an unexpected guest now!)

I also decided that I should spend some time today doing a little bit of reading. During my "picking up", I found a book of "Daily reflections for Advent and Christmas" I had forgotten they gave us at the retreat I attended before Thanksgiving. So, while soaking in the tub :o) I caught up on the readings up until today. The sentence used at the end of today's reflection to sum up the day was "It is the fragile and silent that live on." How often I have witnessed that during this past year...

I have a book of Daily Prayers that I have not been very good at opening regularly (or, when I do open it, I often don't spend nearly as much time as I should reflecting on the words that are there). Yesterday, I got the 2009 book in the mail. It overlaps with the 2008 book during the season of Advent. So, today I was able to read the scripture passages and reflections from both books. One of them used Isaiah 40: 28-31 and the written reflection was about hope. The other reading was Matthew 11:28-30 (even this non-scripture savvy person recognized that one!). I liked the prayer that was written--"Merciful Father, you hear the prayers of your children who suffer the anxieties of life. As we await the coming of your Son, keep us faithful in your service and give us the joy of serving you."

As much as I tried to be annoyed that I couldn't look at my computer every five minutes today, I really think there were blessings today that I may have missed with it there. I need to remember this day, and hopefully create more of a balance after my "distraction" is returned to me :o)

Tonight, I am going to dinner with friends I have not seen in a while. I am really looking forward to it! My mom and sister may join us, but we were unable to make reservations at the place where my sister wanted to eat. So, they may end up doing something else.

Even though I have been able to sort of check on "my blogs", I still feel "out of the loop" and miss being able to take my time reading about everyone's preparations for Christmas and specific prayer requests. So, prayers to all who need them today.

"Good night."

Calming Down

I just spoke with my brother-in-law, and he is working on my computer in between working two jobs and going to school...but, he said that he was able to recover some of my files and pictures. So, that is DEFINITELY better than nothing. He is going to keep it for another couple days to see if he can do any more and is planning to talk to the customer service people. Therefore, I remain computer-less at home which is really not fun, but at least I know it is in good hands now :o) I'm still sick that this all happened, but I have calmed down a bit knowing that things will be better than they seemed.

I called a friend after I got home from writing that oh-so-lovely post last night. I had thought that I would just leave her a message letting her know I was thinking about her and to "hang in there". Much to my surprise, she answered the phone! It was so great to hear her voice, especially hearing first-hand what had been going on with her. She is dealing with some pretty tough stuff, and I am thankful to have been given the opportunity to offer as much support as I could over the phone hundreds of miles away. Anyway, that is pretty "vague", but I really could not believe some of the things she was telling me and it was REALLY sad...

So, today I had a meeting at work at 10. It went pretty well, but I was given a couple "jobs" to do which would be a lot easier to do if I had "my" computer...not even sure if the "new" my computer will have everything I need...one of these days I will "get over" this, but I'm not quite "there" yet!

I went to lunch with my dad and sister, then did a little Christmas shopping. It felt SO cold today (the lady on the radio said it was eighteen degrees, and tried to make that seem like it was "warm"...I suppose it is warmer than it will be at SOME point this winter, but today it felt VERY cold!)

I helped out at the Christmas party at the hospital. I did this last year and it was really fun (I get to be the nurse to fix any pumps that beep while the patients are off the floor...fun job, especially since I didn't end up having to fix any the whole time I was there!) Unfortunately, I had to leave before "Santa" came because I told my dad I would help at his basketball game. His "B" girls played a REALLY bad team so they won and had a great time. :o)

So, I wasn't quite as crabby today, which is good :o) I think that conversation I had with my friend last night helped some how...thank God for good friends :o)

I guess that's all the excitement for tonight. I suppose I should go home and find something unhealthy to eat while I watch The Biggest Loser on DVR like I do every week...

Good night.

Just Sick

In my five years and two months at my job I am pretty sure I have never called in sick. Last night, I nearly did just that because I actually was feeling quite ill. However, I have this thought in the back of my mind that if I call in sick when I am not really, then I will become horribly sick and have huge regrets for that one little bit of dishonesty.

I also was hopeful that since there seemed to be an "extra" nurse scheduled that I would get a phone call seeing if I would want to stay home and my "dilemma" would resolve itself.

No such phone call, and I really probably should have called in sick because I was not really there anyway. I was in a "funk" the entire day. I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I was not at all excited to be there. I didn't want to play with my patients, I wasn't feeling very sympathetic. I didn't feel like doing the bare minimum of my job let alone the "above and beyond" that I typically enjoy doing. My heart just wasn't in my job...

and that made me feel even worse.

If I can't do my job REALLY well than I would rather not be there subjecting other people to my bad attitude. There has been quite a bit of negative energy going on around my floor, especially the past couple weeks. I try and ignore it and often try and bring sunshine to the clouds. Today I just couldn't do it. I was done. Tired of parents not coming to see their kids. Tired of the ones who are there expecting you to wait on them hand-and-foot, and still not being very nice when you obviously are bending over backwards to help. Today, everything bothered me...and that bothers me even more. I don't want to be THAT person.

I KNOW there are much worse things in the world, much worse things even in lives of people I know. I am sad, frustrated, tired, angry...and probably should just go home and go to bed. Unfortunately, I have a busy day planned tomorrow because other people don't deserve to be subjected to me being like this (of course, I hope that these feelings will be gone by the morning and all will be well in "my world" once again!)

My brother-in-law text messaged me this morning tht he had recovered some of my lost files and pictures. He didn't elaborate, so I'm not sure what he found. He was going to keep working on it.

Well, how's that for being "Just Me"?! Good night.

Gone

It makes me ill to write that word because it means it is "for real"...

I went and picked up my computer this evening. I left my grandparents' house where we were decorating their tree so I could get it before they closed, thinking it would be so quick they would hardly know I left.

When I got there, the girl was on her break, so I knew it was going to take at least a little longer than expected. Before I took my computer and left, I "casually" said something to the effect of "the only thing they did was fix the speakers, right, all my documents and everything are still there..." She looked through her things and was like "oh, there is nothing written that we were supposed to save your data". I could feel the tears coming as she told me to turn my computer on to check. I said "I will cry if everything is gone"...I don't think she believed me.

When the screen came up, I immediately noticed that everything had changed...

I quickly searched for my pictures...gone.

I checked "My Documents"...all the agendas, minutes, data from my three hospital committees and whatever else was in there that I can't even remember...all gone.

My iTunes with the newly added Christmas albums...gone as well.

Everything that made "my computer" mine...gone.

And I started bawling, right then and there at the counter. Through the tears I managed to asked what they were going to do about this because clearly there was a mistake. Surely they saved my data SOMEWHERE and they can just put it back, right?! She said they should not have told me I didn't need to back up my files. And, if I wanted my files backed up, I should not have signed the form that says in the middle of the work order "data not vital"...whatever the heck that means. And, at the bottom of the form she kindly pointed out that it says they are not responsible for any data even if told otherwise verbally or in writing...seriously?! Oh, and I got a nice little lecture about how computers are not a good place to store any data that is important...gee, thanks. I NEVER would have left my computer there last week had there even been a mention that I should probably back up my files "just in case". I was told plain as day that if they would need to do that, I would receive a phone call.

I cried the whole way back to my grandparents' house. I got there in time for dinner, which was nice, but it would have been a lot more fun eating my grandma's "famous spaghetti" if my stomach wasn't doing flip-flops and I had heartburn before beginning to eat!

My brother-in-law is a computer guy. So, he took my computer to see what he can do. He also offered to go with me back to the computer place to see if they will give me any kind of compensation for their mistake. (By the looks of that "fine print", I'm not sure if it will do any good, but it is worth a try.)

So, needless to say, I am not feeling very well tonight. What is especially hard to take is the fact that from the outside looking in, what kind of crazy person would think they didn't need to back up their files before bringing their computer in for service?! I suppose I SHOULD have known better, but when someone looks at you and says "we will call you before we remove any files", how can you not trust them?!

Good night.

Not Yet...

So, I called about my computer before I went to pick it up just to make sure it was done. Not quite yet, I was told...maybe tomorrow. I'm not going to lie and say I will be really patient. HOWEVER, as long as the only thing that is different when I pick it up is that the speakers work...I will be okay with however long it takes!

Work was quite a bit slower today than yesterday, so I did get my share of "computer time" in while I was there, but it isn't quite the same as just "chillin'" on my couch watching TV checking on things whenever I want!

Tomorrow the young adult group is having brunch after church. We haven't done anything in a LONG time (our "group" isn't really very organized and have actually only gotten together a couple times in the past two years!). It will be fun to see everyone and hopefully plan another gathering soon.

Nothing else exciting...somehow I seem to have MORE to say (even if it isn't really "anything") when I am at home than when I am not!

Well, maybe I should go home and eat dinner (see, if I could do this at home, I would have been "multi-tasking"!)

Good night :o)

Tomorrow...

I called about my computer tonight and it was pretty much done...but the person who was working on it was gone for the day. So, as long as I get off work some time before 8:30 tomorrow night I should have my computer back at home...I can hardly wait (although, I am very thankful that as far as I know I did not have any dreams about facebook OR blogs last night!)

Work was pretty darn crazy today and I'm really tired (so, again, it probably is okay to not have a computer there to distract me from going to bed as soon as I get home...even though it will likely be around 9:30!).

My Christmas tree is up and looks pretty nice, so I'll have to take a picture and post it tomorrow or Sunday. My home still isn't as "Christmasy" as most, but I think it would be different if it wasn't just me living there :o)

Prayers to all those who need them tonight.
Good night...

Not Yet

No computer back yet, but I did call to check on it. Apparently, they think it is a hardware problem and they were in the process of running some kind of scan when I called this afternoon. I was assured that they would not delete any of my files without notifying me, so hopefully that is the case because I did not back up ANYTHING before taking it to the store.

I am, however, pretty sure that I have computer issues. I woke up at 3:53 this morning because I was thirsty. However, the dream I was having before I woke up was clearly about facebook. I wrote some things down so I would remember them when I actually DID wake up. While I am planning on emailing my friend the whole crazy story which is either REALLY funny, or slightly disturbing, here is the "gist" of it. For anyone who has facebook, one of the fun things is to "update your status". What this looks like is a name in blue followed by what you are doing in black. In my dream, the "status" of one of my friends was on a HUGE screen somewhere and I was telling another friend about it (and explaining how I knew this particular friend and where she lived since they do not know each other). Yes, her name in blue followed by a long, pretty detailed "status update". The craziest part could be that some of the things written actually made sense, which doesn't always happen when you are having crazy dreams. Anyway, maybe not having a home computer for a couple days is actually a good thing!

Well, I need to go to the grocery store before choir practice...the computer place is open until 9, so I GUESS there is still a little bit of hope they could call me tonight that it is all fixed! Back to work tomorrow. I had a meeting today and it went REALLY well. I have learned SO much by being in charge of a committee at work!

Enjoy the music...I'm thinking that even when I get my computer back, I will leave the messed up songs because it adds a little character :o)

Pretty Pathetic

Yes, I HAD to stop by my parents' house this afternoon because I can't go a day without checking my email, facebook, blogs...pretty pathetic, I know! I wouldn't want to miss anything exciting during my time without a computer at home! Of course, if I was at home, I could get my Christmas decorations out (I was going to do that on Monday, but since I knew my computer was going away for a few days I just sat and stared at it all day long until I had to bring it in...wow, I probably shouldn't admit that, but just did!)

I did have a semi-productive morning, though. I took my car in to get a "winter check" which apparently was a good idea since there was a dusting of snow on the ground when I woke up. I also got an oil change and had my tires rotated.

While my car was getting worked on, I went shopping with my grandma to help her get Christmas presents for my parents. She didn't remember to wear her hearing aid, so that made shopping a little more challenging! A year ago this week there was a terrible incident that happened in one of the places we were today. It was eerie walking the paths where people lost their lives, especially when the additional security was evident. We were successful shoppers and I got a free lunch at Panera and special time with my grandma, so it was worth it :o)

Well, I suppose I should try and be productive...I have some policies and procedures to read before my meeting tomorrow and really SHOULD take out my Christmas decorations so it feels more like Christmas at my house. Maybe, just MAYBE they will have time to look at my computer, fix the problem, and I will get it back before the night is over...wishful thinking, I'm sure, but crazier things HAVE happened!

Also, now that I have been able to listen to some of my playlist...I have noticed that some of the songs get cut off before the end and at least one of them is labeled with the wrong artist...very interesting! The songs are still pretty good though and I have enjoyed listening to them at my mom and dad's...hopefully soon I can be singing to them at my own house!!

Back in the Shop

Well, I decided to take my computer back to get fixed. I enjoy listening to music too much on my computer to not be able to do that (and even though it has been less than two days the skipping and scratchiness was too much for me!). They are not sure how long it will take...I am just hoping that it is an "easy fix" like a loose wire or something that does not involve sending away for parts (or having to wipe out my system like they did back in March...it took me until last week to get my computer back to the way I liked it!)

I'm not sure what I will do without my computer (probably get a lot more done around the house!). I decided to have this post tomorrow some time (how about 10:22 AM...I like 10:22!) so it won't be like I actually missed a day. Tonight, I am going to watch my dad's first basketball game. He is coaching two seventh grade girls teams again this year (I think the "B" team plays tonight.) I get to keep score when I am able to attend. I decided to do that rather than attend a Christmas concert. It will be the first time I have missed the concert of a local artist who used to sing in the choir at my church in a long time. My parents are trying to "cut back", and I have a pile of bills that hopefully can be paid in two weeks when I get my next pay check. So, it wasn't really the best way to spend $50 this year.

However, in honor of the concert, here are the words to one of her songs (and maybe a link to part of it if the link works!). For some reason I really like it, although this is the first time I have actually read all the lyrics (I typed them as I listened to the song). I'm not QUITE ready for snowflakes, although I did see my first ones of the year on Saturday.

Snowflakes
When we begin, we play on the wind softly coming down.
When we fall, we feel so small as we look around.

When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.

As we weave our pattern in time, we're choosing a path.
Some will overcome, some will be done, we'll soon see what we have.

When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.

Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight.

We realize a lifetime has an end.
Our face is lost as we become a part of everyone.

When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.