Still Shocked

This was a rough weekend at work, so I took yesterday off from posting (and today kind of too, since I'm doing a "re-post"). I have been taking care of the same patient nearly every shift for the past three(+) months. I like her, her mom, and her siblings, but her dad is often hard to take. I was starting to get really stressed out by his behavior, particularly the way he treats other people (he is not usually as awful to me as he is to my colleagues), so was really hoping for a "break" from the drama this weekend to "fill my cup" with patients whose families actually appreciate what we do. Argh! (Being able to vent here is one of the (many) reasons this blog is "anonymous"...)

Anyway, I was so thankful when I went to work on Saturday morning that I was indeed going to get a "break", so maybe the "F-bombs" I've dropped at work in recent days would not be necessary. I was thrilled to get to take care of a girl I cared for 5 years ago because she was super sweet and her family is great. Of course, it stinks that she was in the hospital, but I figured we'd have a good/fun day anyway. :)

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. She ended up being pretty sick and things weren't quite right, so I transferred her to the ICU around 11:30 in the morning since she had more medical needs than could be handled when I had two other patients to care for. She seemed to be better by the end of the shift, so I decided not to go back and visit her before I left knowing that I would be working again on Sunday.

When I arrived at work on Sunday morning, it was to a room of distraught people who directed me to the "board" that informed all of us that she had passed away during the night shift. I still can't believe it and do regret that I didn't give her mom one last hug before leaving for the night...although I am thankful that I gave her younger sister a really long one earlier in the day because that is something I will remember. I also have some good memories of her, including some from Saturday morning when she was pretty out of it.

Kids dying is one of the "job hazards" of being a pediatric nurse and I don't think it ever gets "easier" (because, seriously, if you aren't sad about kids dying, you aren't human). I am, however, thankful that I make a point to have relationships with my patients so when they "go away" (whether home or to their Heavenly home), I have memories that can stay in my heart forever.

Her "sleep mask" was lost in the linens during the move to the ICU, but found on Sunday after she had died and brought to the floor by someone in housekeeping. Today, I mailed it to her family along with a note as well as a picture I found from the summer of 2007. I'm thankful I "blogged" about it because I must have deleted that picture from my camera!

My thoughts and prayers are with her family at this time...she was a very special girl and will definitely be missed.

Originally posted May 31, 2007
(My sixth blog post ever!)

Organ and tissue donation is an issue very close to my heart because of the work I do. Because of this, I decided earlier this year that I wanted to run the 10K at the "Life-a-Thon" this year, an event to promote organ and tissue donor awareness and also to celebrate donor families. Five or six years ago, I did a couple 10Ks and a few 5Ks, but hadn't really run much since then. When it was about 5 weeks before the race, I decided it was time to "train". My training consisted of running 5 or 6 times, the farthest being 4 miles 5 days before the race. Somehow I managed to run the entire race (it took me a little over 70 minutes to run the 6.2 miles, but I did it!). I think it was because of the cause (and probably a few special angels cheering me on!). The photo above is me after the race with a transplant recipient and her sister, who probably will also need a transplant someday.


***More than 94,000 Americans are currently waiting for an organ transplant. Over 2,000 of them are children. Approximately 17 patients die each day, before receiving their lifesaving organ transplant due to the organ donor shortage.***

Same Story, Different Day

I haven't been "blogging" much, even though my mind is still swirling with thoughts that may be "journal-able". But, mostly, it's the same story, just a different day. Every single day I am asked by at least one person if I "still have my/the girls". Every day I explain, not so well, that we are STILL waiting for a report from the Judge...and yes, it has been nearly NINE weeks. Without the report, we don't have any clue whatsoever if they will go home now, soon, or some day in the future. Next week will mark fourteen months since they spent their first night in my home. For the past four(ish) months, they have spent every weekend with their mom. In the past four(ish) weeks, I have come to believe that their mom is doing her best and her "best" is better than I thought it would be. School starts in 18 days and it would be just awesome if the teen knew where she was going to be living when that happens...I really don't think that is too much to ask, but I'm not holding my breath. I am going to miss them so, so much, but this 3 1/2 days with mom, 3 1/2 days with me is not exactly enjoyable. I seem to spend much of those days trying to get the little one back into a routine and reminding her that we have rules here about how to behave appropriately only to send her back to her mom's and start all over. Granted, her "inappropriate behavior" isn't bad in the grand scale of things, but it's especially challenging when I am often working 12+ hour shifts too...

Anyway, I shouldn't really complain about them coming back to my house for 3 1/2 days because I DO miss them so much when they are gone and I do look forward to my Tuesday evening hugs and kisses (from the little one) and random stories (from both of them). The teen and I have "movie" and/or "TV" night with popcorn at least once a week. While we could surely plan "date night" after she goes back home, it definitely won't be the same.

So, the point of this babbling is that I don't exactly have a lot to "blog" because it would basically be repeating myself over and over...yes, the girls still live with me, yes we are still waiting for the Judge, yes it is really frustrating, yes it is going to be hard to say good bye whenever they DO end up leaving, yes I thought they were going home a year ago, and six months ago, and four months ago, and two months ago...you get the idea ;)

This picture really makes me laugh. My friend was in town because her son had an appointment at the hospital. So, we met them for ice cream like we did last year. I got a picture with the three of us, then was going to get one with just the boy. The little one FREAKED out, started crying and ran away throwing a fit. She said "he's not your son" and was VERY upset that I picked him up for a picture. Later, she kept telling me that I was SO MEAN because I wanted a picture with him (without her). Jealous much?!

And, yes, in case you have been reading my blog for a long time and are wondering, that IS the same very, very sick boy I wrote about here (and multiple other times in 2008!) It is simply amazing to see him doing so well and is a wonderful reminder of why I love doing what I do. My job AND my life as a foster mom are both very challenging, but incredibly rewarding and I have trouble imagining it any other way.

Tomorrow I do not have to work and I have not scheduled any meetings or appointments. I am SO excited! I haven't heard from the girls' mom, but they haven't been coming back until Tuesday. So, I'm sleeping until I wake up and will probably do a whole lot of nothing (and a little bit of some things that I really need to do!)

Good night.

Kids Kids Kids

I only have a moment to "blog" before my nearly nightly game of "Skip-Bo". This weekend was the annual transplant reunion. I didn't take very many pictures, but got some with a couple of my "faves". If you've been reading this blog for a while, you remember me talking about "the baby" who is now the big boy in the middle picture on the right. He was THE sickest baby and to see him running around and playing is just amazing!

I brought the girls to church on Saturday and we all wore dresses which was fun :) The little one wanted her picture taken and I got some cute ones, and ones of her with her sister and some fun ones with me. But, there was only one (or maybe two) that she wasn't looking at the camera (this one may even be "pushing it"). The ones of the two girls are really nice, but I won't be able to post those ones. My family took a day trip to celebrate my mom's dad's 85th birthday and took a train ride. My nephew loved it, even though it was really hot!

People (friends, family, co-workers...) have been asking how things are going with the girls. So, I go on and on about "my" girls like a proud mama and it is great (I feel kind of bad sometimes about going on and on, but that's what moms do, right?!) I really do love these girls and I am so blessed that they are my first experience being a foster mom. "Everyone" seems to think that my approach with the older one is very appropriate and things are much better because of it. She cracks me up because she is really quiet around other people, but at home she laughs and smiles and makes fun of me ALL the time! Skip-Bo is our "thing" and so is teasing each other (I always complain when I have to do the dishes...ha!)

Well, I actually got to work today (yay!!) so am pretty tired (I actually signed up for an extra shift which is going to be crazy, but a blessing too!)

Good night.

Still Tough

I was driving to meet with my spiritual director and had this whole blog post in my head. However, I cannot seem to remember what I wanted to write. My meeting with her came at the perfect time because I'm still struggling even though I saw that rainbow and am trusting Him and His plan...and I took a nap today :)

While I was at the funeral of my choir director's husband, my sister left me a message. My grandpa had been taken to the hospital by ambulance and had gotten an emergency pacemaker. He had gotten better at my hospital and left last week for rehab. This morning, he went to his doctor and things didn't look that great. Unfortunately, he was brought to the nearest hospital and not the one where I work. My sister went to be with my grandma and ended up spending three+ hours there with her helping. I'm really proud of her and that isn't something I would have ever expected her to do. She called her husband to come watch her nephew and she went...wow! Apparently, my sister was less-than-impressed with the people and care there which is unfortunate. So, hopefully he won't be there long. I was only able to visit for a short time this afternoon since the girls were at a visit and the older one didn't have a key to get in if they beat me home. He didn't really look very well to me and had been hallucinating since the surgery, and speaking "randomly". Likely just effects from the anesthesia, but still not very much fun. My grandma seems to be holding up well.

I signed up to work a shift on the adult transplant unit, so hopefully I will get to work at least three shifts next week.

Tomorrow is our annual transplant reunion. I always love seeing our transplant patients who are out there living life rather than just seeing the ones in the hospital who are sick. Sunday, we are taking a family day trip to celebrate my other grandpa's 85th birthday. The girls can't come with us, but it will be a fun time with the rest of my extended family.

I'm feeling a bit "off" and am hoping this all wears off soon because it isn't much fun. Thankfully, the little one was back to being her sweet little self today with good hearing. :)

I'd better head to bed.
Good night.

Listen and Watch

I had a really great weekend at work. I worked with some of my favorite people and we had a fun time. My student is fabulous and took our entire patient assignment today. There was a lot of "grumbling" about the class a bunch of us are taking (as in, the "consensus" is that it is terrible...I'm not quite THERE, but I'm always interested in learning and trying new things, so I guess it makes sense that I don't "hate" it!) Anyway, I am sleepy and also want to watch the Celebrity Apprentice, so this will be a brief blog post ;o)

This song has been stuck in my head and I put it on my iPod and have listened to it a bunch of times. I'm not sure if it is the beat/music or the lyrics, but I just really like it. So, I wanted to "share" it (and have it here for me for the future, since this is my journal and all...) The first "link" will play the video, but it doesn't have the lyrics. The second one won't play automatically, but there is a link to the music WITH the lyrics.






As I have mentioned, April is National Donate Life Month. Without going into any details, I "found" this video and thought it was terrific. The person who made the video did an amazing job of capturing organ donation and its ups and downs, the good and the bad. The post-transplant road is often as bumpy as the emotional ride of waiting for "the call" that may or may not come...if you are going to watch, grab a tissue...or two.



Good night.

Home Study

Tomorrow morning I have my second home study with my case worker. It is kind of weird that I am having my SECOND home study when I haven't even been licensed three months and have not had a placement! But, it is what it is :o) I was sort of hoping to get "forced" off work today so I could spend some time making my house more presentable. I also wanted the day off because I could NOT fall asleep last night (darn Dr. Pepper, but BOY did it taste good...I hadn't had a "soda" in months!) PLUS, my sister was taking my nephew to the Zoo for the first time. Even though I had to stay "on call", it was a great day! I pretty much carried my nephew all over the place for some cuddle time AND good exercise!

Looking at the Jellyfish.

This picture just cracks me up!

He looks extra chubby in this picture, but I love it :o)

He finally crashed, and we got some snuggle time :o)

I made some good progress in getting my house ready for my home study, but have a few more things to do in the morning (I am all cleaned out for one day!)

Two years ago today, "the baby" received his second chance at life. I wrote about that here and here (and lots of other places!) He is doing great and his family is grateful every day for the donor's family who chose to give him a second chance during a tragic time in their lives. April is National Donate Life Month.

I like the video I posted last year, so will post it again:


Here is the story of a transplant recipient...in his own words:


I'd better head to bed. Good night.

Helping People

I love that my last post was called "Compassion" and this one is "Helping People"...I'll have to remember how wonderful I felt during those times when the crabbiness tries to sneak back!

A little while back, one of the Spanish interpreters was talking to me about an event she was coordinating. She is also a photographer and there was a call for photographers to donate their time to take portraits of people who wouldn't normally get professional photographs...and set a "date". She told me to watch this video and said that I would want to do ANYTHING he told me to do (because he is cute...ha ha!)

She ended up coordinating pictures to be taken at five different locations. Pediatric patients/families from two different hospitals and a skilled nursing facility, single moms and their kids from a transitional program, and at a church that holds a lunch every Saturday for homeless/poor people in that neighborhood/community. What a GREAT idea! This video from the test-event made me cry.

I was a "photography assistant" and am thankful to Ginger that this wasn't my first time in this role ;o) I went with a photographer and we did four patients who were unable to leave their rooms. We had to go back to two of the rooms since we did individual patient photos before we realized the parents were planning to be there. She is a photographer who usually photographs weddings and steers clear of children, so she enjoyed that this was out of her comfort zone. She and I made a really good team because I was able to position the patients and fix blankets and sheets to cover tubes and lines. It was SO much fun! All total, 17 families were photographed which is great! I saw on the web site this evening that with only 43% of locations reporting, there were over 17,000 pictures taken, over 1400 photographers, and over 27o0 volunteers--awesome!

After I was done volunteering, I met up with my "new friends" (hmm, sounds like I could be mentioning them a bit here, so will have to come up with something to call them...ha!) so the mom could go to the store. She wanted to go to Wal-Mart, since she heard that was a good place. Well, I'm totally NOT a Wal-Mart girl (Super Wal-Mart especially scares me!), so I "compromised" with her. First, we went "shopping" at my house (I told her she had to have blind eyes to my messy house). I have been "storing" some laundry detergent, stain remover, and dryer sheets for the mom of my "A-team girl", but figured she would be more than okay that they were used by someone who could use them since they have been sitting in a basket under my stairs for quite some time. I tossed some wash cloths, pillow cases, microwavable bowls, a coffee mug, and an extra hair dryer into a laundry basket...it was really funny going from room to room seeing what I could give them. Of course, the two-year-old played in my play room for a little while and we had to bring one of the bigger toys with us in the car in order to get him to leave, but he was SO good!

After the shopping spree at my house, I brought her to Kohl's. I had a 15% off everything coupon plus a $10 off coupon, so it sounded like a good place to start for me. At the top of her list (after the things she found at my house) was clothes for the little one and I know that Kohl's sells Carter's brand and things there are ALWAYS on sale. She also wanted a pillow which you ALSO can get at Kohl's. She bought an egg crate mattress and spent just under $80 total which I think is impressive. From there, we went to a natural grill because they have been eating cafeteria food all week and realized that we eat lots of starchy, sugary, fatty foods...welcome to America, right?! We both got these yummy chicken and rice bowls and smoothies (funny that she wanted the one that caught my eye too!) and then headed to the grocery store. Going to the grocery store with someone who has never been in an American grocery store is a riot! She kept saying "Wow!" as we walked through the aisles...I couldn't stop laughing. Of course, the store has these ridiculously large marshmallows that even I said "Wow!" to when I first saw them. She couldn't BELIEVE the ice cream aisle and that you can buy a BUCKET of ice cream with a handle to carry it! Then, down the candy aisle, she was cracking up at a "massive" bag of M&Ms..."M&Ms for fifty people," she said. (I haven't written a sentence like that in a while...I hope it really does go "comma" then "end quote" because punctuation USED to be my deal!)

We had a nice visit as we shopped and ate and that two-year-old is SOOOO good! I'm sure this isn't the last time I will hang out with them. If all goes well, then they will be here for a while...they have a very sick child, so they definitely need prayers for "all to go well".

We talked some about "blogging" and she told me that I should have a blog...I told her that I DO have a "blog", but that only a couple people I know read it. I'm going back and forth on if I should give her the link. It isn't that this is a "secret" and I suppose if my family really wanted to read it, I would give them the link (I have wanted to dedicate an entire post to wondering about what would happen if my family, or anyone I see on a regular basis I guess, read this blog...) I have been "careful" and only have one patient's mom as a fb friend (and that child has not been a "patient" in quite some time) and plan to keep it that way. I do read HER blog, so should I not give her the opportunity to read mine if she would like? I'm not necessarily sure of the downside to at least giving her access to it, but want to "sleep on it" and definitely will set some sort of "ground rules"...

After I dropped them off, I met up with some photographers who participated in the event today. They were meeting after 4, so by the time I got there, it was just the photographer I know, one I met on Thursday, and another photographer who were left. The four of us "hung out" for quite a while. I'm usually really comfortable around new people and wasn't exactly UNcomfortable tonight, and I am glad I was being "social" but it was interesting for sure. (Stephanie, the next time we talk on the phone, if I wander away from listening, please remind me of this night...ha!) The male photographer pretty much talked the entire time. He was super nice and easy to talk to, but seriously, the photographer I know was able to get in a few words here and there, but the other girl and I pretty much just sat there. I feel like I pretty much know his life story...well, maybe not QUITE his life story, but lots of it--in case "you" are interested, his parents divorced when he was seven, his dad married a 23-year-old, he doesn't like his older sister and she ruined his younger sister's wedding, he has four kids and his wife had an affair with her best friend's husband and they are getting divorced, and there were some wedding photography stories thrown in there too...does that at all sound exhausting?! Boy do I hope that my story telling doesn't make people want to close their ears for a little while (or go to sleep!) I suppose I was the "outsider" and I'm sure he needed to talk about his recent marital status changes (I do feel bad for the poor guy...he truly sounds like he loves his kids and is trying to go about everything in a way that will make it less tough for the kids). However, once I was there, I didn't really have an "out" since I don't REALLY know the one person I "know", and it would have been rude to leave mid-sentence (or mid-story) without some sort of excuse. When 10:30 came, I politely excused myself :o)

And, now it is after 1:30 and I HAVE to be at church by 10:15 so we can practice Christmas songs before Mass. Practice was canceled on Thursday, so we need to rehearse as much as we can since Christmas will be here before I know it (and I'm thinking maybe I WON'T put up a tree this year?!)

It's officially Nikki's birthday (since I stayed awake so long!) Hope you have a great day!
Good night.

Break for Prayer

Well, I should ALWAYS take "breaks" for praying, this means I am going to take a break from my writing for "therapy" for a prayer. I am too tired to find a picture, but there is one on here somewhere... I have written a couple times about my friend who painted my guest room the summer her son was here after transplant. That room is still my favorite room of the house (and, as I am in the midst of a seemingly neverending painting project that I cannot wait to be done with I cannot understand her "love" for painting!). Her son needs a second transplant and has been waiting at my hospital at the top of the list for about a week. He received "the call" today and I was told he would be going into surgery right around the time I post this. The surgery will be a long one, so there are plenty opportunities for prayers all through the night...for those in the operating room, for his parents in the waiting room, for the parents who have just said good-bye to their loved one and said "yes" to organ donation... He was SO excited when I saw him this morning and he was able to share the news with everyone...a chance to live a more "normal" life made him grin from ear to ear. It will not be an easy road, but the "chance" is there, and so is the faith...

An extra special "prayer break" for him, and for the other prayers that are in my heart this night...

Good night.

The Sweetest Thing

Today was the annual "transplant reunion". This is the fourth year I have attended, and it is a wonderful reminder of why we do what we do. As much as I love my job, we really do just see "the sick ones". MOST of the kids I have cared for the past seven years are living happy, healthy lives. It is hard to remember that when day in and day out you seem to be taking care of the same sick patients. It DOES get discouraging at times, and, as I have written recently, there have been some VERY sad times, however, my job really is rewarding. I try to remind myself of that on a regular basis, but with something like this, there is no denying that organ transplants save lives, and what we do is VERY important.

(Just a tiny, silly "request"...remember this post?!...please do not report me for posting these pictures here...the parents KNEW the photos were being taken, I have attempted to blur out the hospital's logo, the pictures are small, etc., etc....I am posting them because I LOVE what I do and think "y'all" should be able to see what I do!)





Anyway, some of the folks you may recognize from last year's slide show:


It was just a GREAT day! As I mentioned yesterday, three of my former patients came to visit me on the floor. That in itself made me feel VERY special. :o) I talked to SO many people today which, you know, I LOVE to talk! Some of the kids I didn't recognize because they have grown SO much (and no longer "look sick"), but I recognized the parents. To be honest, I didn't stay very long at my miniature golf booth...oops! When the party portion was winding down, I was talking to a couple of moms. Now, I heard MANY sweet things the past couple days (everyone enjoys a little ego boost, right?!), but I know for certain I will remember these words...

One of the moms said to me, "When you were my daughter's nurse, I knew you were not just caring for her, you were caring for me too." She mentioned that I would not only listen, and talk to her, but also remember things that she had told me. Wow! As she was talking she said "I'm tearing up" and didn't say much more, but I just thought it was the sweetest thing (I teared up as well...). I DO try to remember that taking care of the entire family is important, and also try to put things into perspective before casting any amount of judgement. I KNOW how lonely it would be to be stuck in a hospital room far away from your home. I can't BEGIN to imagine what it would feel like having a very sick, and/or chronically ill child. I enjoy learning from "my moms" and am a better nurse because of what I have learned by listening. While I strive to be the kind of nurse she said I am, it means SO much to hear them and know that it really is worth the extra effort, and the potential extra tears/sadness, that comes from making a personal connection with my patients and their families.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening with one of these "former patients", his mom, and grandma. We went to the zoo, and out to dinner. We did a LOT of "visiting" :o) They too had sweet things to say to me, but I won't bore you with all THAT--my head is probably big enough now...ha ha! It was SO great to be able to spend that extra time with them, and to see how well he is doing now, especially knowing how VERY sick he was (I told his mom the other night that I was TERRIFIED the first time I cared for him since I did not have much experience caring for someone that kind of "really sick"...she was glad I hid my fear well!)

I am grateful for having been reminded once again that every little moment can make a difference. Spending those extra five or so minutes in a room listening to a parent can mean more than imaginable. That personal connection, that personal touch means just as much, or more, than being really good at starting IVs...

After dinner, I met up with my friend from work at the house of one of her friends. We had a really fun time. She had a "guy friend" there with her, so we are going to have lunch on Tuesday so maybe I can find out what THAT'S all about ;o) Speaking of...I wanted to do a better job at telling the awkwardness story from last night, but it fits here. I ran into a girl who graduated a year ahead of me in high school right when I got to the party. We chatted for a while. Her mom was there, and they mentioned setting me up with her brother. I nervously chuckled about that, but they took a picture of me on their cell phone. I went inside and ran into the kid's dad. He was pretty much dragging this guy from his work behind him. We will call him "J". He said, hey, aren't you doing work on your house..."J" can do work on houses. I don't remember what else he said, but it was no less subtle than "J" talk to Amanda, Amanda, talk to "J"...yeah, not at ALL awkward, right?! What makes it better/worse is that they had TALKED about this "meeting" for over a week, so he wasn't nearly as caught off guard as I was. We did visit for a while (I talked to a guy! Put this day on the calendar...I mean yesterday's date...ha!), but I wasn't about to ask for his phone number. Not that he wasn't super nice or that I wouldn't have given it to him if he had asked, but if I asked for his number, that would mean I probably should CALL it. Anyway, I guess it was a "step"...I'm not quite sure how I can do the "one moment at a time" deal in many aspects of my life, but when it comes to guys, my mind does some crazy equation like talking=marriage...which makes it kind of hard to have a normal conversation and is probably why I have not had many "second dates"...issues, I KNOW I have them...LOTS of them!

Anyway, that was the story from yesterday that was a fantastic addition to my drama-filled day at work. Today, not-so-much drama filled (aside from the stories my friend was sharing at the party!)

Tomorrow I have another gathering where I will have the opportunity to talk to lots of people I haven't seen in a while...but, I need to be at choir practice at 8:30, so probably should go to sleep.

Flashback Friday--Transplant Reunion

So...I REALLY wanted to do a Flashback Friday post today about Senior Pictures. Ginger took Senior pictures of her cousin this week and it made me think about how much I loved getting my senior pictures taken. Of COURSE I couldn't find any copies of my senior pictures to scan when I was looking last night, so that post will have to wait.

I knew when I left work yesterday that today was going to be NUTS! There were 8 patients on my side and SIX of them were supposed to go home today. I was forced to give up one of my patients from yesterday when I got to work which made me pretty crabby. When I was driving to work, I was thinking that I probably would have to let another nurse take one of my patients, but didn't know I would be FORCED/expected to do so which made me not-so-happy. I tried to just drink my coffee and not grumble about it too much because obviously that would NOT help...

A patient I took care of five years ago after a transplant was coming up to visit me this morning since tomorrow is the annual transplant reunion. I was trying not to freak out that I would be too busy to show them around. As it turned out, they came at the PERFECT time. The child was a baby at the time of transplant, so it was like meeting everyone and seeing everything for the first time. He gave hugs to everyone he found out had played a role in helping him get to be the "big kid" he is today. It was GREAT to see him and his family...a wonderful reminder of why I do what I do. They came to the reunion a couple years ago, but was either before I started blogging, or in 2007 when for SOME reason I did not post about the reunion. I did, however, find THIS post when I was looking for one. It was written two years ago today and I cracked up reading it tonight!

Anyway, back to work...I knew that it could be a circus orchestrating sending my two patients out of the hospital. Interpreters, teaching, home health companies, phone calls, social work, and drama (including dealing with a mom whose significant other broke up with her while IN the process of getting ready to leave the hospital...yeah, nice...) It was rather chaotic and I'm glad that my self-evaluation is turned in (as are the peer evaluations done on me) because I had a hard time maintaining my cheerful disposition for a time there.

When it was all said and done, though, there were SO many things that couldn't have had better timing. The first meeting with a former patient happened when I'd already gotten my one kid off the floor to a procedure and given all my morning meds. PERFECT!

Later, another former patient and HIS family came to visit me, their "favorite nurse" ;o) While all was quiet before the "storm" of sending my first of two patients home before my new one arrived. (That little one gave me a hug too even though he was too young at the time of transplant to remember me being his nurse.) I had the opportunity to see them at last year's reunion too. I DID "blog" about that last year. It is SO great to know how much of an impression you can make on people's lives (another reason to try to not be a grumpy nurse...ha ha!)

And THEN, after my first kid went home, yet another patient and her family came up to the floor. I recognized the mom immediately, but, you know, kids change in a year's time, especially when they have previously been ill. Not sure if anyone else would have recognized that family, so it was PERFECT timing that I was standing right there when they arrived.

I was so proud to be able to say that three patients came up to see ME (even though the third one was more "by chance")! How great is that?! Along with getting to celebrate new life with a family after their loss because I meant THAT much to them...what a week! That post from last year's reunion has a slide show of pictures, but I think what I wrote stands true today--"...I had patients and families come up to me and tell everyone I was their nurse. How special I felt. I am a part of their story, just as they are a part of mine. They are grateful to be alive. I am grateful God brought them into my life."

I am SO excited for tomorrow! I will see these three kids, and surely MANY more who are doing well out at home, living their life to the fullest because someone made a decision to give them a second chance. Be an organ and tissue donor...you have the power to donate life.

Here's another little post on organ donation, just in case you haven't signed your card and told your family...

So, as I was searching through posts trying to find these, I came across some pretty funny ones, so maybe I need to write Flashback Friday posts more often.

Well, as busy as I was, I still managed to clock out before 7:30. After work, I headed to a "gotcha day" party for a little girl who finally was able to be adopted by her foster parents today. I did respite care for her last May, and prior to that worked with her mom doing supervised visits for the State. I need to write about what terribly awkward incident occurred at that party, but it is nearly 1:00 and I don't want to be tired and crabby for the reunion! (I am working at the children's activities, which is kind of like a carnival, from 11:30-2, so PROBABLY need to get some sleep!)

By the way, my sister went to the neurologist yesterday and was told nothing could be done until she is done breastfeeding. I really hope the headaches go away on their own because I know how much she wanted to breast feed for a year, but I am not sure how one could go for eleven more months with a terrible headache. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers for her.

Good night.

Back to Reality

Yep, back to reality...I am not a stay at home, um...I'm not a stay at home, hmm...blog reader?!

Yeah, definitely thinking I probably should get back to doing something that pays the bills (and fund my shopping sprees, vacations, and occasional gambling outings...). It's been so long since I have been at the hospital (this was my seventh day at home!) that I almost forgot that I have a job there. Right...I am a NURSE...hopefully I will remember how to do that kind of thing when I get there tomorrow. Today I did a load of laundry without putting in detergent and accidentally put garlic in my smoothie since I was making hummus at the same time...so, MAYBE I should have someone else check my work every once in a while :o) I took a shower tonight and we are having a pot luck, so I am thinking I could roll out of bed at 6:15 and make it there on time :o)

Today is the last day of April, meaning it is the last day of National Donate Life Month. Just a reminder to tell your loved ones that you would like to be an organ donor...and sign up in your state. Donate Life America has information on how to do that for each State.

Tomorrow is the beginning of May. Have I mentioned how excited I am about May?! I am thinking there are going to be LOTS of fun things to write about in May (and bunches of pictures to share I am sure...maybe I will even get some photography tips in May so my posted pictures will be better than my usual "snapshots"!) I am thinking about adding some songs to my play list and likely will change my background even though I do enjoy those flowers that sort of match the flowers on my header that I love (created at Blogs for a Cause...haven't mentioned that in a while!) Well, I love except I wore that outfit in my picture yesterday and am wondering about that cleavage...too bad that was the best self-portrait I knew how to do!

Anyway, I am babbling even more than usual. I probably should try and head to bed early tonight, but am not really tired...I thought maybe walking to the grocery store, making stuff for my pot luck, and a shower would help, but not really...

Hopefully there won't be any "not mes" to report from my first day back at work...I filled three posts with them this week...that is NOT good!

Good night!

Easter Hope

I had to work today, but last night I was able to attend the Easter Vigil at my church (and sing with the choir). I have pretty much chosen to work nearly every Easter just so I know I can attend the Vigil. It is a really special service and a wonderful reminder of what we have because of this day. Because Jesus died and rose from the dead, there is HOPE for a place MUCH better than this...

A year ago, April 12 was not Easter. Easter had passed, but that date was also filled with hope. I had spent the night before in vigil with the baby's mom as he seemed to be slipping away. Earlier that day, all the bereavement items--hand molds, fingerprints, footprints, hand prints--had been done, since it appeared he may not live through the weekend. I sat with her, crying, holding her hands, listening to the alarms, watching him struggle to breathe, praying, whispering thank yous when his blood pressure popped up a little bit, wondering what God's plan was going to be, but knowing that whatever it was, there was still hope.

Last year, on April 12 , I attended a Women's Retreat called "Weaving Hope into the Fabric of our Lives". I am really glad I decided to take notes and journal about it here, because it was very nice being able to re-read those words tonight.

The FOLLOWING day, a grieving family made the choice to donate their child's organs. They must have found hope knowing that their child's memory would live on in all whose lives would be touched by this gift. Because of that gift, a baby lives. He walks, he talks, he laughs, he plays, he loves. His family will NEVER forget the family who gave them that gift, the family who surely was grieving even more today as they celebrated their first Easter without the child they lost...



(Don't forget to pause my awesome music :o) )

Happy Easter! Hope your day was blessed (not exactly appropriate for me to say at this time that I was a tad disappointed that my family couldn't wait until I got there to have Easter Dinner...but, at least most of the food was still warm and my mom heated up the cold stuff for me in the microwave...)

Back to work tomorrow. Good night.

April is National Donate Life Month

Be an angel, be an organ donor.

I forgot to mention that when I first watched this video, I noticed that Lisa's son was one of the kids in the video! He has had a rough road after transplant, but is one happy kid with some really cool parents :o)

A Face of Hope

It is hard to believe that the baby looked even sicker than that pre-transplant. And, the second photo isn't him at his sickest either. I think he was still getting dialysis when the third photo was taken (they took the ventilator out of the room shortly after the photo was taken.) The last picture was taken on Thursday, just two days before he left for home.

I first met "the baby", and his precious mom, on April 4 . Pretty amazing that the first meeting was so important to me that I felt it important to document that date. Little did I know where it would go from there. The next time I posted, it was this . On April 10 time seemed to be running out. On that day, I journaled "maybe God's plan involves getting him new organs in perfect time...or maybe not...time will tell, but for now she is spending all the time she can with her precious baby, and reminding me not to take any moment for granted." Two days later , I attended a women's retreat on "Hope", which was something I really needed to do for myself during that time. The day after that , his parents took my car to the Cathedral...the baby received "the call" for transplant, and went into surgery the following afternoon. He had a very rough road, but was discharged from the hospital on July 7 ! He was very sick again in September, but made an amazing recovery . He celebrated his first birthday, along with many "firsts" that many didn't think would ever happen. And now, he is HOME!

The transplant road has it's many ups and downs, but for now he is home and able to enjoy life surrounded by his family. A life given to him because someone chose to donate their child's organs during the most difficult time in their lives. The Gift of Life, the Gift of Time, a Face of Hope.

___________________________

Well, that's a little better than my original idea to write about how whining sometimes works :o) I was hoping for a day off so I could sleep in again (and MAYBE do some things around the house too!). I did work today, but ended up switching tomorrow for Thursday, so have tomorrow off! Hopefully I will be able to have lunch with a friend. We had scheduled for Thursday and she didn't have her calendar when I had to decide, so I hope it works out!

Good night!

That Would Have Been "SO Cool!"

So, we have a kiddo on the floor that I have an extra special little connection with. I was hoping I would be able to "complete the circle" today, but it didn't go QUITE as I had planned. Not only was I this child's FIRST nurse at my hospital when they came to be evaluated for transplant, but I was THE nurse who was there when they arrived after receiving "the call". After months of ups and downs, and REALLY scary moments, today was to be the first time this child would be going "outpatient" after transplant (and, actually the first time out of the hospital this year!). So, I got to work early so I could make sure I was given the choice of my patient assignment. I thought it would have been "SO cool" to be the nurse who also got to give them their pass to freedom. However, there was a little communication issue with getting all the medications today (I believe we counted that there are seventeen of them!), so the discharge had to be postponed until at least tomorrow.

So, that was a bit disappointing, but it also gave me the opportunity to spend more time with this very adorable little one, and also time to see what I could do to ease some of the anxiety this mother has about leaving the comfort zone of the hospital. While they are SO grateful for the possibility of a "normal life", it is going to require a HUGE life change (at least for a little while until they create their "new normal" routine).

All in all, I cannot complain about today. It was pretty quiet for me (I actually got both of my patients back from Friday which rarely happens when you are off for one day let alone FOUR!).

Well, I suppose I should get ready for bed. I have a couple meetings in the morning, and hopefully can force myself to do some organizing in the afternoon.

Prayers to all who need them :o) Good night.

A Day of Leisure

Not to be confused with "Just Chillin' (Again)", "Taking it Easy", "Relaxing Day", or "Whole Lotta Nothing" although the stories on those days could be "strangely" similar to that which occured today! That's pretty much what I do...work, or pretty much nothing at all. To be clear, I am SO thankful for my "days of rest" because lots of times I do work hard when I'm at work, physically and emotionally. I'm not sure how I would manage without having ENTIRE days with nothing planned! I need these "days of leisure", but sometimes I think I need to get a hobby (and then sometimes I just want to stay at home...hmm, that sounds like yesterday's post "Hard to Please"!) (I started writing this late this afternoon after I had done a few things around the house, but took LOTS of breaks on the couch. Since then, I got to work and actually feel very good about what I have accomplished! I am working on a baby gift for my friend and am about half done. I plan to post pictures of it when I am finished.)

I saw this clip on another blog. I thought it was great and decided to post it as well.

My softball season is now over. We didn't get to play tonight because we did not have enough players. It is sad that we didn't get another chance to win, or a chance to say "good-bye" to the season as a team, but it was nice to have the night off!

I am hoping the Olympics don't go too late tonight! I stayed up rather late again last night and it was hard to get up (and so I didn't until after 9:00!). Tomorrow I finally get to work a bonus shift! I am excited about that, especially since I am working on my vacation plans. It will be nice to have that little extra money, even though I am sure more than a little will be taken out in taxes! I will be working in the PICU rather than my floor, so it could be interesting, but I know quite a few patients who are there right now. Hopefully there are nice nurses working tomorrow (most of them are, but even on my floor, there are a couple that I would rather not have to be around for 12+ hours...).

Until tomorrow...good night :o)

Celebrating Life

Today was the Transplant Reunion. This was the third year in a row I attended this event and it was SO great! Maybe even better than the past two years. I had patients and families come up to me and tell everyone I was their nurse. How special I felt. I am a part of their story, just as they are a part of mine. They are grateful to be alive. I am grateful God brought them into my life. I should let the pictures tell the rest of the story.

Be an organ and tissue donor...you have the power to donate life.

Good Day

Oh, it is SO nice to be able to use that as a title! I feel like I have been Little Miss Crabby Pants for a LONG time (my mom tells me I can't use hormones as an excuse all the time, but I definitely don't think they help my mood!). The past week or so has been pretty emotional. Along with dealing with high acuity patients, high-maintenance family members, and trying to figure out how to get some extra money to pay my bills, there are also some sad changes happening at my work. A nurse I really like to work with put in her notice, as have two other nurses. She will be done the end of the month. One of the doctors that I LOVE has taken a position in another state. I'm actually not quite "over that" yet and typing those words immediately brought tears to my eyes. While I realize that it is a great opportunity for her and her family, I have learned a great deal from her. She is a surgeon who is patient and kind, which isn't always the case. She takes time to speak with every family, and listens to all concerns that are brought to her attention. She is a patient advocate, but also a nursing advocate. Thankfully, I have had the opportunity the past couple weeks to talk to her, and let her know how much she will be missed (I still want to write her a note...I think her last day is next week).

Okay, that doesn't sound like a "good day", but really it was! I had the opportunity to attend a transplant conference (it was FREE and they even served a breakfast buffet and had a "sit down" lunch and two snack breaks!). All of the presenters were from my hospital, so that was really cool considering I think it was a regional conference. I learned a LOT! I wasn't sure who I would sit with, since no one from my floor was attending. I am pretty used to going places alone and would have been okay, but it is a little awkward just to wander around alone at things like that!

I ended up walking into the conference with someone I hadn't seen in a LONG time! She is a woman who adopted a little girl my family briefly had in foster care when I was in high school. The girl was six at the time. It didn't work out for her to be in our family, but I think having a mom with no husband or other children is exactly what she needed. She has graduated from high school and is thinking about being a nurse. Her mom gave me her phone number and said she would love to hear from me and talk about nursing. Even though she was young, she still remembers the time she spent at our house (an example of how one can make a big difference in a short amount of time!).

I found a seat with some of the new nurses who will work in the PICU. I didn't really talk to them much, but it was nice to have a place to sit!

I also have a new friend :o) I spent a lot of today with her and that is most of what made today a "good day"! She is a nurse practitioner at my hospital who does consults on some of our patients. So, I see her around and always say hello. I knew she was nice, but on Sunday, I decided that I really liked her and would enjoy spending more time with her. I found out yesterday that she planned to be at the conference, and I was hoping I would be able to find her (there were over 200 people there, but I did!). I sat with her and another nurse practitioner at lunch, and we also talked during some of the breaks. We left together, and she invited me to go out with her to meet another friend for a drink. While I could have accomplished quite a few necessary things around the house if I had just come home, I decided that I needed to seize the opportunity to do something social! As it turned out, none of her friends came, so it was just the two of us. We talked for nearly two hours! Even being about ten years older than me with a four-year-old, we found lots of things to talk about and just enjoyed each other's company. I told her I am most comfortable with people over thirty! I had a great time, and think she did too...both of us needed this today. While I am not sure when we will go out again, I hope it works out some time soon. At least I will see her around at work :o)

My softball team played really well (I didn't play that great, which frustruates me a little...) and didn't lose by that much. It was fun, though.

I still haven't talked to my sister, but guess another branch of the same bank was actually robbed today, and they are pretty sure it is the same people. I do not believe they have been caught. Pretty scary stuff, especially because those areas of town are not areas that typically have many crimes.

Well, it is 11:30 and there is a chance I have to work tomorrow. So, I'd better think about getting ready for bed! While I would LOVE the extra money, I have a long list of things that should be done tomorrow. I need to do a new contract for the extra bonus shifts (now that I should be done with my extra crabbiness for a month or so, I should be okay working extra, right?!).

Good night.

All I can say

is please pray. This morning, her mom was told to call the family to come say good-bye. This afternoon, she remained critical, but stable. Tonight, all I know is her mom requested a friend write a prayer for all to pray. What follows is that prayer (with her name changed to simply "E"). It brought tears to my eyes...this little girl is SO sweet. I admitted her to the hospital when she came to transplant evaluation, and again when she got the call for transplant, so I have a special little "bond" with her and her precious mother.

"Father, we thank you for E, a radiant soul, a model of innocence and a pillar of strength. She has suffered so much in her short life, but not in vain. Each trial she has encountered has allowed us to grow in humility and unconditional love.Yet, Lord we are weary and in distress because E is so ill and weak. Please, hear our plea for the healing of Your precious daughter. Jesus, You told us, if two of [us] agree on earth about anything for which to pray, it shall be granted to [us] by [our] heavenly Father.” Matthew 18:19. At this time, especially, we find great solace in these words and we believe that by uniting in prayer, E can and will be healed. Therefore, we lift up, with one voice, and with a faith that can move mountains, our supplication for the recovery of darling E. Come to our aid and restore her to full health. May we witness a miracle, like the rising of Jairus' daughter. Divine Physician, cure her of all her afflictions. Oh, Lord, we beg of you, please have mercy on E and may it be Your holy Will that E live a long life and serve as a testament to your saving power and glory.We also ask for grace for the entire __ family. Come Holy Spirit and guide the __ family to a peace the surpasses all understanding and hope for a brighter tomorrow. Amen."

Thank you. Good night.

Drum Roll Please

Okay, so this was going to be a SUPER GREAT post! It still will be GREAT, but circumstances as they are will prevent the "SUPER" part from happening tonight.

Are you ready (all two of you who visit this blog on a regular basis)?!

The baby, yes, the one I have written about many times, including here when he was nearly too sick to be a transplant candidate, here when he received his "Gift of Life", here when his mom got to hold him for the first time post-transplant, here when he was off dialysis and the ventilator (the first time),and here when he was really done with the ventilator, is OUT OF THE HOSPITAL!!

Yes, after nearly nine months in the hospital, the baby can go wherever his mom wants to take him!! His mom is SO sweet, she decided to dress him in an outfit I bought for this special occasion. She told me she was saving it for a special day, and she couldn't think of a more special day than this. That thought brought tears of joy!

I was supposed to work today, but ended up getting the day off. So, I was thinking I'd be able to go to the Ronald McDonald House and see him once he got there. However, he didn't get discharged until around 7:00 when I was at my dad's softball game. I can't even imagine the emotions they are going through having him out of the hospital, being solely reponsible for him for the first time in his entire life! So, I decided against stressing her out and showing up unannounced at the House. (I'm sure she would have made it be "okay", but why do that to them?!)

So, I'm thinking that a picture or two (ha ha, or twenty!) were taken today with him in his special "going outpatient outfit". That would have been SUPER GREAT to post, but it can wait for another day.

Of course, with a transplant, especially the kind he had, and how sick he has been, there is always the possibility he will be sick again and have to be hospitalized. For now, though, they are going to celebrate each day he can live life as a "normal baby" just as they celebrated each day he was still with them when the outlook did not look good.

In other "exciting news", I went to Curves for the first time in a couple weeks, did a couple loads of laundry, finished my self-evaluation, sent the agenda for my Thursday meeting, and checked my email and "blogs" about a hundred times. I got to coach third base for both of my dad's games (both pretty exciting...one team lost after they came back and nearly won, and the other one won after nearly losing it). They got over just before the sky opened for another huge rain storm.

Tomorrow I get my new windows--yay, except for the part about having to pay for them! I'd better head to bed. Maybe TOMORROW I will organize my stacks of papers and send a few cards (my best friend from college has a birthday on the 10th and I haven't sent a card, or talked to her in months!).

Good night!