She's Gone

Ivy came to live here just over 6 months ago.  It was challenging from the beginning. I kept thinking things would get better, but they never really did. On June 17th, I bawled all the way through my therapy appointment and she asked me the "real" question...why can't I just be a stepping stone for her to a place that fits her better? After months of misery, suffocating, drowning, feeling "stuck" in a hopeless situation, I finally got my "out"...and my family agreed that I was neither a "quitter" nor a "failure". Her needs were just MUCH too great for me, especially with working 12-hour shifts and having a medically needy foster child who gets visitation 5 days a week. I stressed out as much about her when I was away as when I was home. I didn't enjoy anything about having her here. She made it much more difficult to deal with Zoe and her needs, especially since I had no reserve left to tolerate any of her "behaviors". It has been awful.

So, on June 17th, I told her Guardian (her second cousin) I couldn't take it anymore, she needed to be placed elsewhere. Just over SEVEN weeks later, she moved into a group home. In those 7 weeks, I continued to get minimal/no support/respite from him or other members of his/her family. Those weeks were somewhat better since I knew an end was in sight, but very frustrating because that should have been the time I got the MOST help. Instead, I had to try and act like I wanted her here (which I wasn't very successful at doing) while her Guardian and the therapist tried to convince her that moving out was her idea and the best thing. Her Guardian did not seem to feel any sense of urgency and took weeks to fill out the appropriate paperwork (very frustrating seeing as when his wife had enough after a couple of weeks, they just kicked her out...and then it was presented to me that his wife was the "bad guy")

She will be much better off in a group home setting with more supervision and built in social. She has a lot of characteristics of Asperger's and has minimal insight/problem solving skills (yet her Guardian decided during the 7 weeks I waited for her to move that her having a driver's license was a good idea...one of the few things that could have made things more stressful). Her parting gift to me was washing and drying a towel filled with glass she had accidentally broken and didn't tell me about (she also took the bathroom rugs, towels, and toothbrush holder even though they weren't really "hers"). I wish I could say that I miss her, but I really don't miss anything about having her here...hopefully some day I can look back and find something positive to say about these six months, but right now, I'm just happy she is gone (and in a much better place).

Now, I have to focus on Zoe for however long she will be in my home. There was a placement hearing July 24 to discuss placing her with a relative. I was told to be prepared to testify, but didn't end up having to do that. It was a very stressful 20 minutes as we waited for the Judge's decision, but he decided not to allow a change in placement at this time. The next hearing to discuss placing her back with her mom is October 29, so I will at least have her until then. She has gained about 10 pounds in the 11 months she has lived with me and grown about 2 inches. Her vocabulary and language is improving all the time and I think her behavior will get better now that she's the only child in the house again (she was fine until there were two and then part of it was her and part of it was me just being to stressed [and likely depressed] to be able to handle it appropriately). She can name nearly all 11 of her medications and I believe could even tell you what order they go in. She is starting Kindergarten on the 14th and is happy about her "new teacher", "new school", and "Dora backpack". She's obsessed with the "Wizard of Oz" and also has been watching "Annie" and "Snow White". She doesn't really know (and neither does her mom), but I got permission to take her on an airplane vacation next month and am SO excited! I'm very much looking forward to it just being the two of us, even though I feel like I'll barely see her since school is 9:05-3:55 and she has visits 4-7 on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday plus visits 4:30-7 on Saturdays. I'm putting her in dance on Wednesday nights, so that will be "our" time.

I'm hoping to be a better "blogger" once school starts and I likely end up with more "down time" than I know what to do with ;) I joined a foster parent group on "fb" and that has been a great support to me during this time (and the time to come since, if I had to guess, I'd say Zoe would be home by Christmas).

So, it's been crazy around here, but that's what's been going on. I'm feeling a lot better from a mental health standpoint, that's for sure. It was pretty bad there for a while and I had no idea what to do since asking for respite never amounted to any help.

Until the next time...

Picture Update

It's been nearly two months since I posted anything here. In the six years since I started this blog, I've never gone that long. I have a lengthy post in my head that hopefully will make it here in the very near future, but I think pictures are a good way to ease back into the blogging world. Suffice it to say, things have been CRAZY the past two months. Since the next post will be about how I nearly lost myself and what I am doing now, it's best to have this reminder that not everything has been bad...

Just Keep Swimming

I can hardly believe how sporadically I've blogged since Zoe came to live here in September. It's only gotten worse since Ivy came to live here in February! I really need to blog more because it definitely helps...and it's really sad that I don't have time/energy to do it.

I don't remember it being this hard with the teenager and the little one last time, but this is a lot of work! Zoe has her medical needs, five day a week visits, school five days a week, and really isn't a great listener, especially when she is tired (which is most of the time because of her crazy schedule she has to keep because someone thought her mom needed to see her five days a week for three hours...it still sucks even after doing it for over seven months). I had NO idea what I was signing up for when I agreed to take Ivy. Unbeknownst to me, she has significant gaps in her social skills to the point that her guidance counselor told me they weren't sure she'd be able to live independently...say what?! I was totally unprepared for a 17-year-old with the maturity of a 12-year-old (my dad says she acts like she's 9 or 10, but I'll go with 12-13). It's not all her fault, but that doesn't make it any easier :(

Ivy has a guardian, but he is married, works full time, and has teenagers of his own. After my last counseling session, I asked if he and his family (sisters/brothers/nieces/nephews) could take her once a week for a few hours to help me in role modeling appropriate behavior so it isn't all on me. She annoys me so much and I feel bad saying it, but there really isn't much that is enjoyable about having her live here (other than knowing she is happy and that I'm "doing a good thing"). She irritates me even when she is sleeping, so I really hope that her guardian will get her counseling ASAP (as well as help me send her away to summer camp for a few weeks this summer...I can't wait for summer to be here so I can be with Zoe, but I'm kind of dreading summer with Ivy...can't have it both ways, unfortunately).

My family has been a huge help with Ivy (and Zoe) and I have a lot of support, but the day-to-day is still pretty stressful. Thankfully, work hasn't been awful, but I do work 12-hour shifts three days a week, so those days are tiring without having to come home to two former only children who want my undivided attention and I'm only one person.

Yes, I did sign up for this, so I often feel like I shouldn't complain (actually, one of my friends told me that God called me to do this and I obeyed, so maybe I can just blame Him ;) ) It's also difficult because my former teen doesn't seem to be doing so hot right now (my only "contact" has been seeing her bank account be depleted by her mom and her advisor telling me she's failing a couple of classes...hopefully she will graduate and be able to get out of the house, but things don't sound good). I try to quickly send away my guilty feelings about not being able to do anything for her right now because I'm stretched to the max with the two kids I have living here (I do pray for her and have sent a couple of texts, but that's about all I can do and I don't like that).

 Zoe is getting big (I think she weighs over 41 pounds now! She turned 5 last week) and her cystic fibrosis is finally under control. It took a LOT of work to get to a stable point and we are still doing nebulized antibiotics every day along with her 10 other medications, but she's pretty darn healthy by cystic fibrosis standards and I'm proud of that. Her verbal skills are coming along, although it's still frustrating that they wouldn't ever consider a speech evaluation and just chalk it up to being bilingual. I'm going to see if I can get someone to help me with my Spanish so we can practice that here at home too. I'm not sure what way this case will go, but I've experienced some reverse discrimination since I'm not Hispanic and don't speak Spanish (even though Zoe has me read books to her in Spanish all the time...I don't think I butcher them TOO badly!) The next hearing to talk about relative placement isn't until July 24 and it doesn't sound like they will try to place with mom before then, but who knows. (I'm trying not to think about the possibility of her going home and leaving me alone with Ivy...I don't know how I'd survive without a "buffer", but hopefully things will have drastically improved before it comes to that!)

Here are some pictures...it isn't ALL bad, but it's nice to get some of the stressful stuff off my chest :)

Until the next time...

Long Overdue

I can't believe it's been over a month since I last posted, but it has been SO busy, that I can sort of believe it. I need to write my One Word 365 update, write about what I have chosen for 2013 (which I've ben changing pretty much daily, so who knows). I haven't written about Christmas or how things have been going...busy pretty much sums it up, but we have been having a lot of fun too.

Ivy decided that she wants to come live with me, but she doesn't want to live with my parents first which was an option on the table. Instead, she waits until her background check is done (or Zoe goes home...whatever happens first).

Court for Zoe is tomorrow. It is my understanding that "they" are still pushing for relative placement with the aunt. However, we did not have a "family team meeting" after the last hearing, her aunt has had one visit with Zoe (Christmas), and did not attend last week's Doctor's appointment. We also were assigned a new caseworker last Monday, but I have had no contact with her...really awesome that someone that's never met me or Zoe is going to speak to what should happen to her. I sent a letter to Zoe's lawyer (GAL) which my worker said was "excellent" detailing all of her medications, treatments, specialized diet, etc. I sent him an updated email yesterday with information from last week as well as the fact that her aunt wasn't at the appointment. Zoe has been gaining weight really well here, so they cut back on the calories in her supplement which is awesome :)

I have no prediction on what will happen at court tomorrow, but am praying for wisdom for all those making decisions and peace in the decisions that are made. It will be emotional no matter what happens. I don't have to go, but I'd rather hear things first hand (especially if it involves me packing all her belongings).

One of these days, I'll have to sit down and write some blog posts...but first I probably need to send my Christmas cards (and finish cleaning out Ivy's room...and clearing the clutter out of my bedroom...and making the kitchen table usable for dining...such is life ;) )

Until the next time...

Eight Weeks

I can't believe Zoe has been living here for eight weeks now. I also can't believe how busy I am even though she goes to Head Start from 9-4 and has visits right after that until 8 Monday through Friday...and took an almost 2 week vacation and wasn't getting full-time hours in the weeks before that. So, I feel like I haven't been on my computer much, twitter much, fb much, and my house isn't clean. But, we try to have fun during the time we do have together (which isn't that much, unfortunately...and probably part of why it is usually close to 10:00 by the time she gets to sleep which makes for way too short of a night for a 4 1/2 year old :( )

Last week, she was off school a couple of days while I was on vacation. We went to the Zoo, an IMAX movie, the pumpkin patch, and the children's museum. She is SO good for me, and super sweet. She got a cold last week which turned into a lot of coughing and I decided to go ahead and call the doctor on Monday. They started her on an (oral) antibiotic and treatments three times a day instead of two. Thankfully, her teacher is awesome and is going to do the middle of the day treatment, but I still have to drag her heavy machine back and forth places every day (hopefully for only two weeks!) I guess this is better than living in the hospital, but it is still tough.

The case is kind of frustrating because the "people who matter" seem very high on Zoe's mom and she gets free passes all the time. She missed a doctor's appointment, hasn't attended any family team meetings, and is difficult to reach because half the time her phone is disconnected. I thought she was making progress a couple weeks ago when she got talked to about increasing the amount of calories Zoe takes in at visits, but that only happened once or twice. She "refuses" her supplement when with her mom, but she drank 6 ounces tonight for me without me giving more than a "drink your milk" prompt. She apparently throws tantrums and doesn't listen to anyone on visits. I haven't seen any behavior like that. Since her mom hasn't attended any meetings (and I haven't talked to the worker in a while), there really are no established goals that I know of...just that they want her back home ASAP (or maybe with the aunt who doesn't seem as involved as I thought she was going to be).

The next court date is December 3, so I know I'll have her until then. Right now, the visits are supervised and mom doesn't do any of her treatments. So, hopefully there will be a gradual transition or some kind of way to prove that mom actually is going to take care of all her needs (and keep a working phone which is really important when you have a child with medical needs).

Anyway, that's what's been going on here. The teen hasn't stayed the night here in over a month. I miss her, but she has called when she needed things, so at least she knows who she can count on ;) She took her ACT last Saturday and I'm hoping she was able to boost her score enough to be at the minimum requirement to attend her "dream school".

Until the next time...

Keeping Busy

I have been wanting to post an update on how things are going, but it's been super busy and I'm too tired to stay awake much after Zoe does most nights. She is doing well and is really sweet. She likes the teen, which is good since the teen was here nearly every day last week (I haven't talked to her since Monday this week though). Last week was pretty exhausting since I worked my three shifts during the week, took the teen to the University that's 60 miles away twice (once for a conference and once for a football game), and still had to do all Zoe's treatments and continue to coordinate everything (I am SOOOOO sick of telephone calls!) Her treatments take about an hour in the morning and an hour at night. The day care does them on the days that I work which helps, but it is rare that I get her to bed before 9:45 PM...SO late! Usually, she is up about 6:30, but I have to leave by 6:00 on the days that I work and we can't sleep much past 7 since she has to be at school between 8:45 and 9. She has visits M-F from after school until 8:00, so many days I only see her for treatments, snack, bath, book, and bed. She has tomorrow and Monday off school and I may "forget" to tell people so I can actually spend some time with her (I had last weekend off, so did get time, but it was a lot of time with the teen too and my sister watched her all day on Saturday). Tomorrow, we are planning a trip to the Pumpkin Patch after her doctor appointment.

So, there's a quick update. It's sometimes a little crazy, but mostly it's good. She is cute and goes to bed really easily/sleeps through the night/is fully potty trained/can keep herself occupied while I do things around the house...so I really don't have any reason to complain ;) The case is kind of crazy and it almost seems like there are people who think she's the problem there was medical non-compliance (one of the reasons for removal), not her mom which is SO weird...they are super "yay mom". So, I'm not sure how long she'll be here, but hopefully long enough to have a good stretch of healthy days. Cystic fibrosis is a fatal disease (2008 data from that link says average survival 37.4 years) and not being properly cared for as a young child definitely doesn't help matters :(

Hopefully things will "settle down" and we can get into some kind of routine. It's challenging with her five day a week visits, school schedule, and my "abnormal" work hours, but we're doing the best we can :)
Until the next time...

Live Your Own Life

I have been awful at blogging these past few months! Overall, things are going well and I don't have much/any complaints (maybe that's why I haven't been blogging...not too much to "vent" about!)

After my month of having to sign up for extra shifts at work, our census has been really low and I haven't worked my full-time hours in over three weeks. That really stinks considering I have a vacation planned for next month that I may have to take without pay. I also am going to have someone do a pretty big backyard landscaping project later this month. I'm going to have to take out a loan for that (or use my credit card) which is okay, but not as "okay" if I'm going to miss out on $300+ a pay check! Other than that, work is good. I had my annual performance evaluation which went really well (I didn't cry and I didn't get hives!) They would like me to work on a large project about the work done on my unit to present hospital-wide (hopefully with a group of other nurses from my unit!) That actually would be pretty cool, but a lot of work!

Today, I was "on call" for work, which stinks (last week when I was on call, I got called in right before I was going to have lunch with my family and yesterday I got called in by 10:00). It didn't seem that likely that I'd get called in, but I have to be there within an hour, so couldn't stray too far from home. I decided to "take a chance" and try to spend the day with my nephew. I wanted to take him to a Museum or something, but it would have taken too long if I had to bring him back to my sister. So, we went to a park and played for a while. I face planted during one of my attempts at an "underdog" while he was on the swing. Thank goodness we were at the park by ourselves! After the park, we went to the mall and played in their little play area. It wasn't quite lunch time, so we started walking around the mall and I spotted Build a Bear. We went inside and they had bears that were only $10, so I decided we would do that. He didn't realize there were options for sound and clothes/accessories, so it really was affordable and I think he had fun.

The teen has stayed with me every weekend and a couple of times during the week since school started. I've also been giving her rides home from school/work intermittently. Her mom rarely contacts me (except when she's freaking out or wants to complain about the teen or wants me to do something like take the little one for the day because she "had stuff to do"). She irritates me so much when I do have contact with her that I try not to complain about the lack of her involvement in any of the positive parts of the teen's life. I wish she had half a clue how amazing her daughter is, but I know there is nothing I can do to change that. So, I continue to support the teen (besides getting irritated with her last night when she agreed to work an extra shift without a plan on how she was getting home besides calling me and telling me that she was probably going to miss three days of school to go out of town for a cousin's birthday...I don't think that's cool when you already struggle in school and are trying to get into college, but I could be overreacting...) and give her positive reinforcement. She talks to me all the time, even sharing that she stayed up until 2:30 AM on a school night talking to a guy from work about "girl problems"...I think she knew it was "wrong" but needed me to be another voice of reason. She's a great kid and I'm very proud of her. It has been a blessing to watch her grow and change during these 2+ years since she first came to live here and I'm really looking forward to seeing what amazing things she will do with her life. 

I have been in the process of lining up day care/baby-sitter coverage so I'm ready if/when I get a call from my agency for a placement. I told them they could start calling me in September after all the new computer stuff at work settled down. My sister texted me on September 1st asking if I had gotten any calls...not yet and you'll probably be the first to know! These next two weeks probably would be "ideal" with my work schedule being the way it is, but I already know that the timing is not up to me and it will happen if/when it is supposed to. I met two college girls on Sunday that I found on one of the baby-sitter Internet sites. They go to the college that is right down the street. One is a nursing major and the other is elementary education. I also found a friend of a friend who is a child life specialist but unable to work in a hospital because of some health issues. So, hopefully one of the three of them will be able to help me on weekends and times when the day care/school is not open and I have to work. Even though my family didn't want to be as involved "the next time", I still think they will be willing to help if they can.

I was having an after dinner drink with my parents and their (retired) neighbors. I know their neighbors really well and was talking to the wife about how things were going and mentioned that I'd interviewed a couple baby-sitters. She wondered why I was interviewing baby-sitters. I told her it was so I was ready for my "next placement". Her response was that I "shouldn't do that" and that I need to "start living my own life"... I feel like I handled myself pretty well in the moment, but it did make me cry a little bit once I got home. I discovered when I posted something on twitter that I'm not alone in people making comments like that to foster/adoptive parents. Sure, I have had some really stressful and emotional times during the past 2+ years during my foster parenting/post-reunification time. However, I think parenting (and life in general) comes with "stressful and emotional times". Even with the irritations, frustrations, emotional, and stressful times, I have been so blessed and "fostering" makes me happy. Even though my life choices may not be the choices others would make (hello, I turned down an almost full-ride scholarship to a pretty prestigious University and then turned down the opportunity to get a sign-on bonus and my college tuition paid for by a hospital...), I don't have regrets and am looking forward to having another child(ren) placed in my home for a while.

I don't remember when I changed the header on my blog (it's been a long time...change is hard for me!), but it was before I became a foster parent, so probably at least three years. However, when I did, I chose for it to say "My beautiful Journey" because this is my life, my journey...and it is beautiful, even if it isn't like anyone else's, or what anyone else thinks it should look like. "The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you."

And, since I think about Sara all the time and can hardly believe she's been gone nearly a year, here's a link to another one of her "quote heavy" posts...I miss her, but am so thankful I still have easy access to her words... 

Until the next time...

Senior Year

The teen started her Senior year on Thursday. During the past week, she has stayed the night at my house as many nights as she has stayed at hers. I think this is an okay arrangement for the time being. I love having her here and love that she feels comfortable here. We have both come a long way in the nearly 27 months that we have known each other. She is looking at college scholarships and has dreams of attending the University in a nearby city. Of course, she needs to bump up her ACT score to do that as well as boost her GPA, but she is acting very determined to stay focused and organized. She plans to continue working, but I have reminded her that school is her top priority (she had to pay $1100 to get started and will have to pay monthly tuition as well as her monthly Internet bill so she can do her homework at her house). She often has to take a cab home from work which is not cheap. I'm hoping that God continues to bless me with health and hours at work so I can help her financially if it starts getting tough to manage school and work (and her crazy mom).

I am so proud of her! She is excited to be starting her Senior year with all her friends. Her mom left her (and me) in limbo for over 3 months with the threat of her having to change schools and start over...not cool. She has a great advisor and everyone at the school is excited to see her back. Her school is all girls, so each Senior is paired with a Freshman "little sister". The last photo is from locker decorating (her little sister is "Keeley" and she got the polka dotted paper from my house :) She was pretty proud of it.

The first two pictures are from when she and I took my parents' Japanese student (a 17-year-old who stayed with them for a week) Downtown to one of our favorite places--feeding the ducks/geese. They swarmed us and it was a fun time. We also walked around Downtown and met up with the teen's friend and their "little sisters". I'm glad the teen helped me keep her entertained. She helped me last year when they had two students too :)

The other pictures are from when my dad, sister, and I took the Japanese student and my two nephews to the Zoo. It was a little warm and we walked the whole thing (and it's a big zoo!!) I was thankful to have the day off so I could join them. My first nephew is at a really fun age and loves hanging with his aunt (he thinks I'm fun :) ).

Tonight, I get to go to a cousin's wedding. My mom "forced" me to go shopping with her this morning so she could buy me some "nicer" dresses. I don't buy fancy/expensive stuff (and I guess since she bought, I still technically don't). It is kind of fun to have something new to wear. Then, she, my sister and I got pedicures and our hair done. Of course, the lady didn't listen to me. All I wanted was for her to wash it, dry it, and pull the front into a twist or braid to keep it out of my face. She did curls and poofed it up high in the front and kind of poofy in the back too. Thankfully, my sister went to cosmetology school, so she is going to fix it before the wedding tonight.

I've been really bad at keeping up with the blog, but it's been busy with work and taking care of the teenager (and the Japanese student this week too). I'm still set to open up my home to foster placement calls come September, so we shall see what happens with that...

Until the next time...

One Day at a Time

I have been really slacking in the blogging department, but I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I do a lot of venting on twitter (@ iloveblogs44) or because I feel kind of like a broken record...not much really has changed...

If the teen is going to school at the same school she has been attending (she thinks she is), it starts on the 16th and she is not yet enrolled (but her mom is working on getting a meeting for next week). According to her bank statement, she "spent" over $700 last month which is about what she made, so her mom has not been helping her save money for school (or the car that they both say she needs even though she doesn't have a license). It makes me ill (or want to cry) every time I see some kind of transaction that appears to be more (all?) of her mom's doing than hers, so if it keeps up, I may end up having to tell her she should just have her mom be her adult on the account. I did actually get to talk to her about it today and told her not to let her mom take advantage of her hard work (her pay check today for the past two weeks was nearly $800...she has been working her BUTT off!) I also cautioned her about the "dangers" of credit/debit cards because you can't really tell how much you are spending. $5 here, $15 there adds up, especially if you throw in some $50-$100 in there. She seemed to listen and did not get defensive (I made sure to start it by saying I was not at all being defensive and told her that it is hard for me to budget too).

She went a few days being really angry at me for some reason (likely mom-related lies if I had to take a guess). But, then I brought her home from work a couple of times last week (and actually ended up with an unprompted thank you...after a couple reminders that taking an hour out of my evening deserves a thank you at the very least!) Then, she stayed here last night and the night before since she didn't have a ride home and I was cozy on the couch in my pjs with a beer watching the Olympics. I'm pretty proud of myself for making her get a ride here (full disclosure: I WAS about to get up and get her on Wednesday, then I told her I'd bring her here, but not home, then I asked her to get a ride here...my sister text shouted at me since we were in the middle of watching the Olympics "together" when I was going to have to leave). So, I'd say things are pretty good there. She opted not to go to work today so we hung out and watched some Olympics and some Lifetime movies. I love her so much!

I haven't really seen the little one since the end of May. She was with her mom while the teen was living here. I did see her jumping on the bed by the window one night when I dropped off the teen and today I saw her running around outside with two of her brothers (even though her mom tells me all the time that she never lets her kids play outside, especially since they live in the projects...as if telling me that will make me think she is a better mother). I actually think it is kind of easier this way. She has had absolutely no structure and likely minimal discipline/"parenting" during this past 10+ months that she has been home. So, she's not quite as fun to be around. Plus, she has fallen behind since she hasn't been in any kind of school or day care setting and that makes me sad (my 3-year-old nephew can recognize all of his capitol and lower-cased letters and she can't even say that her first name starts with "L" or how to write it). From what the teen says, she won't be going to school this year either (she misses the cut-off for kindergarten and I guess her mom didn't sign her up for Head Start/pre-K in time). So, keeping my distance makes things a little easier for me. I'm cool with putting all my energy into making sure the teen turns out alright :)

Last week, one of the medical teams made a CPS referral for medical "neglect" of one of their patients.  I don't think the parents are being purposefully neglectful, but the child has had a number of hospitalizations and seems to thrive better in the hospital. I have told my agency that I needed to wait for calls until September due to having to work extra shifts this month. However, if that child was brought into care before then, I probably would say yes. CPS decided to give more in-home support and continue to monitor. But, the child stayed in the hospital and there was court scheduled for today. I  have to work both days this weekend, so wouldn't really be able to say "yes", so hopefully they got things figured out where the child can remain in the home.

Just having the thought of a potential placement (and just feeling "ready" to move forward) has motivated me to spend a little more time getting my house ready. I still think I'll keep the teen's room available for her since I think it is going to continue to be a struggle for her to get to and from school and to and from work without my support. So, I need to make my "junk room" into a bedroom free of clutter and things that I do not want any children getting into. Right now, my living room is "organized chaos" with boxes labeled from 2003-2012 filled with pictures, tickets, pamphlets, other memorabilia that I have saved. My goal is to get them organized so I can then scrapbook them. I saved pretty much every card or note that has ever been sent to me. I lived far away from home for over five years, so got lots of notes from my family. I have thrown away quite a few birthday card and Christmas cards, but I'm sure there will have to be another round of sifting through those items. I am so sentimental that it is hard for me to throw away things like that when people took time to think of me and tell me that!

That's pretty much all that's been going on around here. I just take one day at a time and try not to stress out about the teen and all that drama. It's hard sitting at home every night wondering if I'm going to get a late night "SOS" call and planning my response if it does come. I know I could drive myself insane if I don't keep reminding myself to take care of "me" too and know that I have already done a lot to improve her life and confidence. She told me last night that she may want to major in Sociology instead of Business because she thinks she may want to work for/run a non-profit of some sort. Prior to her coming into care, she had gone to a different school every year and I doubt she saw college as a possibility at all. I'm proud of her...and with that comes being proud of my role.

Well, back to the Olympics (and my beer...ha!) Go USA!
Until the next time...

Yikes!

Wow, it's been a while since I have written here (10 days to be exact!) The ups and downs and post-reunification drama has continued. I'm continuing to do the best I can and continue to be blessed by amazing people when I need love and support the most. Last week, I saw my "Spiritual Director" and went out with a foster/adoptive mom friend for her birthday. This week I see my Therapist and have lunch plans with two "old" friends (one I haven't seen in probably three years and the other I haven't seen in months). Tonight I got my hair cut for the first time since before my nephew was born in March and got to be at my mom and dad's for "family dinner".

I'm trying to fix up my "junk" room into a room that could be the "main" bedroom for a future placement. My aunt came over last week to help with that. I told the agency that I would start accepting phone calls in September since I had to sign up to work extra shifts in August and don't feel like that would be fair to a placement. Of course, that's "my" plan and I will keep an open mind and believe I will know if it feels right before then.

I love the teen so much, but the past week she has been acting very "teenager-like" and it isn't at all fun. I know she is struggling with adjusting to how things are with her mom after living here for seven weeks. I also know that it is much easier to lash out at me than her mom (I'm pretty scared of her mom too), so I'm trying not to take it personally. She is still not registered for school, even though it starts in less than a month.

This is really scattered and I'll try to write more details of what's been going this week some time (with updates as they come as it seems to change on a day-to-day basis).

Until then, good night.

One Day at a Time

We're still keeping busy here! My nephew turned three on Monday! They had his party on Sunday and we went to the zoo on Monday. The teen came with and she and I spent a little one-on-one time together before my mom, sister, and nephews got there.

Monday night, the teen and I went to a baseball game. One of her friends got to come with us. That was a little different experience, but I'm glad she has gotten to hang out with some of her peers during these weeks she has been here with me.

On Tuesday, I called my caseworker. The teen's mom had called and said she didn't yet have money to get back home, but she was anxious to get back. I'm sure a part of her is (you know, her "check" will be waiting for her), but I'm also sure she's enjoying only having two of her five dependent kids and LOTS of help. She has been nice and also grateful every time we have talked, so I don't have complaints. She was hoping to be back next week. I called the caseworker to let her know that with my work schedule and the unknowns with the teen, I probably can't take any new placements until September. She said she'd put my "on hold" unless there is something "perfect", but with being scheduled 4-5 days a week, that doesn't seem like a fair thing to do to a kid. I also told her about the teen living here for the past few weeks without any real plan. Her recommendation was to just take one day at a time...and now you know why I love her so much :)

There is no sense stressing out about where the teen is going to go to school or worrying about if the sh*t will hit the fan or there to be another "crisis". There is no reason to get all worked up about how things will change when her mom come back and what the rest of the summer will look like. Just take it one day at a time...enjoy our time together, sharing special moments, creating lasting memories...and know that even if it all ends tomorrow, I have made an impact on her life that can never be taken away (and likewise her on mine).

So, taking it one day at a time I am/we are. It's been busy and I haven't had much time to blog about stuff, but definitely will make sure I write if anything "big" goes down ;) Her mom called me today and said she'll be back on the 2nd or the 6th (depending on when her mom gets her "check"). She continues to thank me for all that I have done/do and sent me four pictures of the little one to my cell phone today, so I really can't complain about the way things are. Of course, I'm realistic and know that it's still mostly a fairy tale, but I'm enjoying the days as best I can.

Until the next time...