Getting Ready

Two weeks from today, I am having a party at my house. I sent 7 invitations, so it's going to a be a "full house". I'm not exactly sure what we'll do, but those 7 invitations includes 12 kids 5 and under, so it could be crazy!

I still have quite a bit of work to do to get my house "party ready", but I feel like I made some good progress this week. I rearranged some furniture in my living room and painted one of the pieces, so it looks really nice (I think so anyway...I am not at all an interior designer!) I am going to paint my bedroom and hope to get that done this week. I'm really looking forward to having a "grown-up" bedroom!

I bought some bed rails at a resale store for the bed in the room where the teen slept. I found plastic mattress covers at the dollar store.

I got reimbursed for the "day care fiasco" from the little one, so now the case is really closed. I am planning to go look at a day care near my house and my job that is open 24 hours on my next day off.

I picked up the teen from school on Thursday and we "hung out" before she came with me to a training at my foster care agency. She volunteered with the day care and I got to visit with other foster parents. The training was about the new visitation component of the agency that sounds amazing. Supervised and semi-supervised visits were not enjoyable experiences for me the first time around (visitation in general actually was the worst part of the whole experience, but having a reliable and dedicated agency will help SO much!)

I have posted on facebook a couple of times that I believe I am "almost ready" to open up the phone lines to potential foster placements. I have gotten positive responses from them. I have not directly talked to my parents, but did talk about it at therapy yesterday and to my agency worker a couple of times the past two weeks.

I am still going to "choose" wisely, but in the mean time, I am "getting ready" (even though I should have been sorting papers rather than watching TV and writing this post...)

Good night.

Thursday Thoughts

I was debating on if I was going to post something or just go to bed. My stomach is doing weird things, so I need to go to bed, but I was staring at my blog deciding what to do and saw the "Quote of the Day" that looked like it ought to go in a post called "Thursday Thoughts".

So, here it is:
"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." ~Guillaume Apollinaire

And, for good measure, here's another quote from my blog to think about:

"Every experience God gives us, every person He brings into our lives is the perfect preparation for the future only He can see." ~Corrie ten Boom

Good night.

A Little Breather

I posted something on my blog every day from October 31 through December 3. After 34 days in a row, I took a little breather yesterday...and maybe should have refrained from posting today, but here I am ;)

Alece is how I decided to come up with "One Word" for 2011 (and I wasn't one of the "300 strong" who linked up). I am, however, planning to write a "wrap-up" post because I have been reflecting a lot on my word, even sharing it with multiple people this past week (twice today even). I have the next four days off, so I should have time to think about it and hopefully come up with a thoughtful reflection.

I am very much looking forward to these four days off, especially after the past four days I've worked (Wednesday, Thursday, yesterday, and today). Today was much better, even though it didn't really start off that great and I was worried it was going to be another day of running around without being able to eat or drink, but it was fine :) I even got to have a couple of "bold" words with the wife of the dad who has been making our shifts much worse than they need to be. I am thankful that I'm not nearly as shy, but I do need to watch myself...I do tend to get carried away, although dropping the "F-bomb" bright and early yesterday morning did get me some "interesting" looks from my co-workers (I don't really want to "be like that", but I am human too and some things really do irritate me enough to lose my cool now and then).

I am hoping that these days are productive ones at home, especially since the current plan is for the little one to come over for a while on Friday before we go to a play :) I need to check in with her mom tomorrow to see if that plan still works. My dad is coming over with his new drill to hang some pictures (and my mirror where I hang all my Christmas cards) tomorrow. I want to put out the rest of my Christmas decorations and send my cards (I've had them for two weeks already and need to know if I have to buy more since I didn't count before I ordered!) I think I'd like my teacher aunt to help me with some house projects during her Christmas break, but there are things I need to do to prepare for that too.

So, I have "big plans" for this week...and now they are written down to (sort of) help make me accountable (I am definitely guilty of getting caught up in reading things online/watching TV when I need to be up doing stuff).

Until the next time...good night.

Toe Talk

Warning, this is a post about toes/feet...if you don't like feet, or pictures of them, you probably should stop reading ;) I'll start with a picture of the little one to give you a chance to hit the back button or "mark read" or whatever you need to do ;)

Monday was her first day of day care/pre-school. She is in a room with 2 and 3 year olds. She had a great time. :) When she came home, she told me she watched Spongebob at school...seriously?! I thought she was mistaken, so I asked on Tuesday and much to my dismay, they seriously did "during transition" because "the boys like it". I think I should have done a little more research, but she likely won't be there too long and it was more for socialization than anything. Yesterday, I worked, so my mom dropped her off and my dad picked her up. I called my parents' house around 5:15 and my dad said she'd been crying since she got picked up. I spoke to the teen and she thought the little one had a fever. I talked to her on the phone for a little while. I called the day care and they said she didn't really want to play and sat on a bench. I'm not surprised that she would sit on a bench by herself rather than play with the other kids. The teen called me at work shortly after 6 to let me know her temperature was 103.5 and that she was going to give her a "tepid" bath and some Tylenol. I tried to leave work early since I really didn't want her to have to be the mother here. I was only taking care of one patient, so it could have worked except she was a patient with extensive history and a mom who was super particular (and annoyed with our "lack of communication") so giving report to one person who would give report 45 minutes later to someone else was not in anyone's best interest. I knew the teen could do it, she likely has done it many times...more than she should for sure! So, I called and checked a few times during that last hour and a half of work and my mom called to check on her too.

The little one's temp came down nicely with Tylenol and she never had another fever. I kept her home from school today (as you are "supposed" to) even though she was acting completely fine. Her only complaint was a stomach ache. I am taking her tomorrow to get an H & P before she gets her dental work done next week (FINALLY! 6 months later!) So, I guess they can check her out then and make sure there isn't anything else wrong with her (and clear her for day care so I can take her after the appointment!)

I got a call from the Service Coordinator this afternoon that the girls' mom is going out of town for "about a week"...are you keeping track?! Again, this was to be the girls' weekend to stay the night (the third one she has canceled/postponed...again, are you keeping track?!) I am scheduled to work on Saturday and Sunday and the teen has a conference in the morning on Saturday. So, the little one was to spend the weekend there, the teen could do whatever she wanted and all was going to be well. Oh, I should know better than to have "best laid plans". In the next breath, she said that their mom would move into a bigger place when she gets back and then they will go home "by May". She said she was excited about this. I had many emotions and none of them was "excitement"...but that is that and it isn't over until it is over. I wish my agency worker wasn't on vacation :(

Okay, now for the toe part of this post ;)

I have horrible bunions.

Thankfully, the bunions rarely hurt.

This toenail, however, definitely hurt...

and was oozing nasty stuff for about 5 days...

until I went to the doctor on Tuesday.

So, today, I removed the nail polish,

went to the doctor, and had a portion of my toe nail removed.

They wrapped it really nicely for me :)

(The additional Band-aid is from the woman who watched the little one for me :) )

I have now changed it to a smaller bandage. I tried taking a picture of "the finished product" when I changed it, but none of them turned out (are you breathing a sigh of relief?! ;) ) I've been taking ibuprofen and tylenol since I'm a complete baby, but that is helping. They did two nerve blocks and then some additional numbing and I survived with music, deep breathing, and a little bit of conversation. I did ask to keep the nail...at least for a day or two ;) The nail was grown really far into my skin and had sharp edges which was what caused the inflammation and draining. They killed that part of the nail bed so it will not (or should not) grow back.

And that, my friends, was my excitement for the day.

Good night.

Pep Talks

I've been giving myself pep talks this week...lots of them. Lots of other people have been giving me pep talks too. I hope they are working!

Wednesday, even though it was the day after writing this, was tough...and not just because we buried my grandpa that day.

I let the girls' mom get to me and it turned my stomach in knots but also irritated the heck out of me. Explanation: I brought the little one to her apartment in the morning before I went to the funeral. [Reminder--I had brought her there the previous two days as well as the evening prior to that.] As I was getting ready to leave, her mom mentioned she wanted the girls "tomorrow" too. Well, I had to work that day and I'm NOT willing to get my sister and parents involved in all this "facilitating" of visits...at least not until I am "forced" to do that. So, I said "no" and she came back with a "but my mom is only in town for a couple more days and she hasn't had much time to hang out with the girls". I reminded her of the number of days/times the girls had been with her and then just had to leave.

I knew she would try and take advantage of me, but she TOTALLY got me while I wasn't feeling very strong. I have a really hard time with confrontation, although I have gotten a LOT better during the past few years. I've also gotten better in dealing with "difficult" people. However, I was on my way to a funeral and already worn out emotionally from the days leading up to my grandpa's death (which involved the State, her, and her girls). So, our "conversation" haunted me throughout the day, which only made me feel worse.

As I sat in the funeral Mass next to my grandpa's casket, I reminded myself of how proud he was of me. Even though he never met the girls, he told me I was doing a great job with them. I reminded myself of how many OTHER people have told me I'm "doing a great thing". I typically dismiss those sorts of words rather quickly, or respond by telling them how much the girls are blessing ME.

And then (or in the days since then), I was reminded of the conversations I have been having with the teenager. I've been telling HER how proud I am of her and what a great job she is doing (except this week hasn't been that great and we need to do some work so she actually IS passing all of her classes...) It's been hard, heartbreaking in fact, to see her struggle with believing those words...and then how happy it made me to hear her say she was proud of herself.

Yes, there was little "aha" moment...the teenager and I appear to be very much alike here. I, too, struggle with compliments, but know that the only way I'm going to be able to "fight" their mom is to be strong.

So, I prayed for strength, and got some "twitter prayers" for strength as well.

Of course, when I picked up the little one, their mom was "super sweet" (well, kinda sorta) and acted like the morning's conversation had never occurred. That only upset me even more.

(So, I've been typing this for like 30 minutes and it seriously is making little-to-no sense to me...it sounded much better in my head three days ago, but I haven't had time to sit down and type. I shouldn't publish this craziness, but it will be funny to read at a later date...ha!)

I decided that I could NOT let their mom get to me. I need to stand my ground and not let myself get forced into doing something I am not comfortable doing. I do NOT need to give her explanations when things don't work for me. I do NOT need to apologize when things don't work the way she wants them. I've been giving myself pep talks, telling myself that I'm doing a great job, I'm taking REALLY GOOD care of her girls, so I really don't HAVE to do her any favors.

Even though that is totally not who I am. I care about other people. I like to see the best in people. Helping people is what I do. Making other people feel special is important to me.

Sometimes, though, I need to take care of myself and my needs. This "facilitating of visits" may just be one of those times. I've been told that this should not be my job and that maybe the person from the State is taking advantage of my personality as well. That is disappointing, but could very well be the case.

In some ways, being the "facilitator" of the visits gives me more control over them and I like that. However, I may need to keep giving myself pep talks to "stand my ground", "be strong", and remind myself that my needs are important too.

Well, this is totally not the post I was hoping to come from these past few days of reflection I've been having. Hopefully I'll have time to put some more thoughts down sooner rather than later because all this stuff bottled up is not good!

The teen is at a slumber party and I put the little one to sleep at my mom and dad's since I work in the morning. I can't believe I have the house to myself tonight for the first time in MONTHS (and here I am typing nonsense on the computer...ha!) I'd better head to bed since it's late and I've only worked one day out of the past 12 or so. It could be a long day!

Good night.

She's Proud

This has been a super long week.

I think I've been too stressed out about the girls and that whole situation to really realize the fact that my grandpa is no longer with us.

I can't believe that I have "hung out" (okay, "visited with" is probably more accurate) with the girls' mom for at least 20 minutes every day this week.

I get nervous every time I have to talk to her.

I keep telling myself that I'm helping HER and if it doesn't work for me, I don't have to bend over backwards to accommodate her wants.

She told me last night that the little one is her "baby" and she is going to be/is really spoiled when she's with her. Because of that, I should expect some "behaviors". Thanks for the "heads up"...and by the way, you aren't doing her any favors by doing that.

I went up to the microphone and spoke about my grandpa at his visitation and didn't cry. That is so not normal for me, but everyone said I did a good job. I'm really going to miss him.

When I got home from the visitation, the teen was in her "funk" where it's hard to tell what's going on, but usually it means she is upset about grades/school. I have had some trouble breaking through the "funk" (as evidenced by two evenings of no-words-just-tears we had last week), but have been talking to her about expressing her needs/asking for help and reminding her that SHE matters (oh, and that I'm NOT a mind reader).

It actually didn't take too terribly long for her to start talking to me. What a pleasant surprise! She was telling me about an English paper she is going to write about college and how she is going to need to interview some people. I let her know that I know LOTS of people, including people in college, people who work at colleges, even people who work in college admissions. Then, she told me about an interview she has to do for her Health class. She is going to ask if she can do a Pediatric Nurse. I let her know that I'd be more than willing to assist with that, but if it seems that is the "easy way out", I can get her in touch with another pediatric nurse, or a nurse manager/nurse practitioner/physician/dietician/physical therapist, etc.

And then, she told me about an essay she sent to her English teacher for extra credit this week. She started that portion of our now lengthy conversation (LOVE it when she wants to talk to me, even if it's when I'm trying to read blogs or watch a show...ha!) by saying "I think [English teacher] will really like this essay I wrote." I asked what the question was and if she would share what she wrote. Surprisingly enough, she decided to share :) The question was regarding her writing history, what she found challenging about the essay that was due Monday, and basically any other comments about that.

She let the teacher know in her essay that the expectations of papers at this school are MUCH higher than anything she is used to. She said she is still learning how to do the correct format. She mentioned that while the teacher being "picky" is difficult, she would rather learn now and be able to make corrections than when she gets to college.

I let her know that I was really proud of her for being so honest with the teacher. I told her it took a lot of courage to share her fears/anxieties/needs (but that MAYBE this means she DOES actually listen to me even when she pretends she isn't, just like a "real" teenager...ha!)

And then, she said, "I'm really proud of myself too."

I almost cried--those are some of the best words I've heard in a long time.

Good night.

Back to Work

I was going to write about the second chapter of the Bloom Book, but I re-read it and need to do a little more "digesting" before I put my thoughts into words. I know that I am a bit behind in my reading/discussing, but at this point I'm not planning on discussing it on the site, so "it's all good" :)

I won't say that I'm "over" yesterday, but there definitely were less tears today. I'm guessing there will be more to come as the effects of all these days off make their presence known in a bigger way. Anyway, today was a good day and I am thankful for that.

This morning, I sang at a program for a 99th birthday. The last time I saw this Sister was on this day and she (along with everyone else) was really sad. Sr. C. was in charge of music for many, many years and directed this choir of alums for over 25 years. This was my first time singing in a program with them and was happy to accept the invitation. We sang a Sound of Music Medley, The Rose (love that song), a medley of school "spirit songs", and a section of songs to honor Mary. As she sat in her wheelchair front and center, she directed us and it was SO cute. When the program was finished, she took the microphone and told us a story of when she got her first pair of black gloves as a child and that was her best birthday besides this (except for that was actually a Christmas present...it was sweet listening to her share this memory). I had to remind her who I was, which I didn't have to do back in January when I visited. However, she seemed to remember everyone else which is awesome for 99! (I didn't spend NEARLY as much time with her as they did, so it makes sense to me...plus there were a ton of people and I'm sure her brain was a little tired from all the excitement!) I got a nice picture with her as well as one with the whole group, so that made it extra special.

After that, I met up with my "friend from Curves" who no longer works there. She gets together with women from there once a month for lunch. I didn't get to go last month since I was out of town, so was glad to get to go this month. We had a nice time, although I ate a burger, fries, onion rings, and had an oreo shake, so I'm not doing THAT great in my attempts to eat better.

I ended up taking a pretty long nap after that because I felt super tired. I'm not sure what's up with that, but not getting a nap tomorrow could be a challenge...ha! I can't believe I am so excited to go back to work! It isn't just the money, though, I seriously miss the people. (I should have a super clean and organized house with the amount of time I have been home, but I don't...although I threw away a bunch of stuff this week!) I miss my boss, I miss the "multi-disciplinary team", I miss my patients/families, I even miss my co-workers. (I ought to find some way to "star" this post so I don't forget that!)

I'm thankful that today was a better day for me, but poor Kelly had a rough day with some unkind person creating fake twitter/email accounts and sending awful messages to her friends/followers. Some people have too much time on their hands! It did give me the opportunity to exchange a couple emails with her, but it would have been great to do that under different circumstances!

I went to Mass tonight since I work tomorrow and that was nice (I actually wore two different skirts today...shocking!)

Well, I suppose I should go to bed since I WILL actually need to get up early...and best not be complaining about the 5:30 alarm! :)
Good night.

Drink More Water

So, I just woke up from a very bad dream. My throat hurts and my thighs are sore. I decided to write this down so maybe I will remember to drink more water. Weird dreams like mom asking dad to move out and the next day bringing her "boyfriend" to the church festival, getting pictures with him and introducing him to all the people we've known for over 25 years=nightmare that probably could have been avoided if I was not dehydrated. (My sister also had the second lead in a musical and no one invited the family to go watch her and my nephew was in school but just about the same size he is now, so it was odd all around...) I did so much crying in my dream (and F-bomb dropping) that it woke me up. I took out the trash, am having a couple of glasses of water and heading back to bed for hopefully a couple more hours of (restful) sleep.

Note to self: Drink More Water.
Thank you,

A Little ADD

I have one chapter left to read of my "How to Win Friends..." book before tomorrow and I just can't stay focused (and am falling asleep, but decided to "blog"...hence the title of this post!)

This morning, I was going to go to Curves since I haven't been in a while. But, I dilly dallied around for too long and it was too late to go this morning. It looked like a nice day and for some reason I had this overwhelming desire to go running. So, I drove to "my spot" on the trail and set out for a run (aka "jog" since I seriously run like 11 or 12 minute miles!) I didn't really drink anything at work yesterday, so was pretty dehydrated to begin the run which probably wasn't the smartest idea, but the truth. Anyway, I walked for about 5 minutes and then started my "run". I ended up running for a little over 1.5 miles (I believe it was 1.6 according to the mile markers, but I couldn't remember exactly where I started running). I probably could have done more if I wasn't so thirsty and if I had had a proper place to put my car key. But, that was probably a good distance anyway considering I've been couch potato-ish for a while and jumping right into running probably isn't the greatest on the body (I did stretch though).

After my run, I went and got a pedicure (well, after I showered after my run...ha!) Then, I negated every calorie I burned and then some by stopping at a sandwich place for a chicken philly with bacon and ranch with fries and ranch dressing and then stopping by D Q for a mint oreo blizzard...yeah, you won't get any advice on health from THIS nurse...ha!

I brought my sister a blizzard since they were buy one get one for a quarter (and because she was going to cut my hair). I think she gave me a super cute hair cut and if I was good at self-portraits AND if I had put on make-up, I would post a pic of it, but neither of them is true...but, tomorrow before my class I may try the self-portrait deal since I WILL wear some make-up :)

My nephew cracks me up and I took a little video on my camera. I don't think I've posted video here before, so am not sure if it will work, so there are pictures just in case (it's a SUPER short video, but if it works, maybe I will take more video because I was able to post it on fb :) Okay, I'd better finish reading and head to bed. I have a sore throat for some reason and it's really annoying...hoping it's just because I breathed weird when I was running and need to drink more water.

Prayer request for my friend Ginger. The plan is for Baby Cate to come later this week, but she needs prayers that her lungs are ready. Ginger's been in a lot of pain with contractions, but labor is not progressing. So, prayers for pain relief and happy lungs...Love you friend :o)

This and That

It's been a couple days since I "blogged" (I remember when I used to blog every day...I don't think I am any busier than I was, or that I have learned to prioritize better...ha!) I should clean my yellow bathroom so I can start showering in there again, but don't think that will happen tonight since I'm already sleepy and it's only 9:30!

Sunday, I worked, but I had my student with me. She took two of our patients and I had the third (but she helped me with dressing changes and watched me take out staples...I hadn't done THAT in a while and don't recall taking out THAT many, especially on a wiggly child) So, it was a good day. Then, we had "family dinner" and my nephew is definitely mobile and getting even more entertaining every time I see him. Now he claps and gives high fives and it's adorable :o)

Yesterday, I decided to go to 8:30 Mass since I missed Mass over the weekend. I thought that there would be school kids there, but apparently they had an all-school Mass on Friday, so didn't have Mass with the kids on Monday. But, it was still nice (even though I didn't go to bed very early on Sunday, so crashed on the couch for longer than I wanted when I got home!) When I finally got up, I mowed the lawn (and discovered the handle on my mower is broken even though I just got it back from its "tune up" on Friday...annoying!) I also took off the blue tape and did touch-ups in my bathroom. I scrubbed the floor with my Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, but need to clean it again since that doesn't make the bathroom smell clean (in my opinion) which is why I want to clean it again before I start using it for showering. Plus, I need to make sure there aren't any more areas that need "touch ups".

I seriously need to start spending more time outside when the weather is this nice because it will be HOT before I know it and I'm not a big fan of the HOT...(nice little random sentence in between semi-coherent paragraphs...I digress...)

I finally decided that I needed to run some errands, and started at Kohl's. I tried on a bunch of dresses even though I just went there for towels and to see if there were any bathroom accessories I had to have. I ended up leaving with three dresses because I didn't have anyone there to tell me "yay" or "nay". So, I'll need to do a fashion show for someone because I seriously don't need that many dresses (I actually went back today and got a smaller size in one of them but I can't tell if the smaller size is too small...one down side of shopping alone!) I still need to return a dress to Fashion Bug because it doesn't fit nearly as well as any of the ones I picked yesterday. Plus, when I tried it on for my mom, she noticed a little tear in the back and it was missing a hook (for the hook-and-eye).

After Kohl's, I went to the mall because I wanted to get something for my cousin who is being Confirmed. She picked "Gabriella" as her Confirmation name and Gabriella has not yet been canonized, so there aren't any medallions of her. So, I went to Things Remembered and spent WAY too long trying to decide what to buy. After FOREVER (and phone calls to my mom and my aunt), I decided on a nice picture frame. While I waited for the engraving, I went to Victoria's Secret to see if I could find a "normal" bra to wear with my new dress. The girls were way more helpful than I remember them being at V.S. and I got a few "thumbs ups" on my newly purchased dress, so that was well worth the trip (and the fact that I spent more money on the bra than the dress!)

I'm really excited that I have a TON of tulips in my yard! What is especially exciting is that I didn't have to DO anything...they just showed up on there own (and, with any luck, it will rain the next couple of days since I haven't gotten my hose out yet!)

This morning, I actually went to Curves (even though every day that I have been off, I have been "itching" to go for a run...or at least a walk!) They are doing a six-week challenge where you get weighed every week to try and make yourself accountable to the scale. Well, I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any either. I also haven't been trying all that hard, so am thinking I should try and do that...it would be really nice to be down a few (or 10 or 15...ha!) pounds before I go visit Ginger. Speaking of...she and I got to talk on the phone to this morning which was just fabulous...I can't WAIT to see her and meet her family :o) (and hopefully Kristy can come to the 'Burgh while I'm in town...that would be SO awesome!)

This afternoon, I went to Dale Carnegie training at work. It is three Tuesdays in a row with nurses from my floor and from the PICU. I had no idea what to expect (funny that I signed up to attend and had no idea what it was about!) I DEFINITELY didn't know we were going to get homework! (We have to read the first nine chapters of this book before next week!) There were over thirty people there and a LOT of "forced" "opportunities" to share things about ourselves, our goals, personal stories...not-so-much comfortable even though I knew most of the people. The focus of this first session was on increasing self-confidence and communication, so I guess that is the best way to do that.

To be perfectly honest, I had a very hard time with the section "Become a Friendlier Person" since I find myself to be a VERY friendly person. Here are the nine "points":

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

4. Become genuinely interested in other people.

5. Smile.

6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

8. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

9. Make the other person feel important--and do it sincerely.

Okay, now that I typed them out, I know that I have room for improvement, but when it comes to my patients and their families, I believe that I am "ahead of the game" in creating trusting relationships with them. So, I suppose the "challenge" to me is to use these skills with my co-workers and in areas outside of the work place. During one communication exercise, we had one-on-one conversation with someone we didn't know well (and used a "guide" we were given of questions to ask) The person I spoke to was surprised at my responses to some of them and pointed out that my colleagues likely would be as well. I DEFINITELY think that the people I work with have a certain perception of me, and who they think I am is not really who I am (or, not entirely who I am). This "blog" has always been my "safe place" where I can be who I am (with occasional "censoring"...usually when I'm struggling with who I am!) and I like having this place. I can tell that this training is going to be a stretch for me, and actually pretty uncomfortable. I can go into a party knowing no one and find someone to talk to (especially if there are "moms"...I am VERY comfortable talking to moms!) I can talk and talk to my patients and their families. But, my co-workers, it is not so easy (and, my "track record" with dates is proof enough that I have "issues" there too!) It will be an interesting training, that's for sure (good thing I saw my counselor last week and am meeting with my spiritual director this week to talk out some of these things so they don't come pouring out in some kind of emotional and/or other embarrassing moment in front of lots of colleagues!)

Anyway, that's that (gosh, I really shouldn't go this long between blog posts...although I must have short-term memory issues because at the class this afternoon, we learned out to tell a story AND make a point in less than a minute...ha!) I did figure out what to do about the Bloom Book Club book "idea" I mentioned in this post. I don't feel like writing about "details", but will say that I am very happy with the direction I decided to go (or, the direction I was taken...) I think I'd rather be reading "Strong Women, Soft Hearts" than "How to Win Friends and Influence People", but I'm not going to be the one "called out" next week who hasn't read the first nine chapters!

Alrighty, then, that's one hours worth of blogging...I seriously could have cleaned my bathroom AND done a load of laundry AND gotten ready for bed in that time, but I feel SO much better going to bed with a clear mind :o)

Good night!

Who's the Social Butterfly?!

"Back in the day", my sister was the one with that title. She used to get in trouble for talking in class. She either had friends over or was at a friend's house. The "free spirit", the "social butterfly", the "second child deal". While I don't exactly remember what I was like in elementary school, I highly doubt that "social butterfly" was ever used to describe me. Going to an all-girls high school undoubtedly brought me out of my shell. Now, I can talk to pretty much anyone in pretty much any setting...and my sister is a total "homebody". Sure, I still enjoy my time at home, but boy when I get out of the house, watch out because I will talk your EAR off!

Yesterday morning (after a crazy dream that involved me yelling at my dad's 8th grade girls for not wearing tennis shoes to their game [sorry, ballet flats/flip-flops/crocs are not proper basketball game attire] and also had me getting a lecture for whispering to my sister about a fifth grade boy who used a pacifier during HIS game...ay yi yi!), I went to a class that is a requirement for anyone who volunteers with school or church kids. I thought my dad's team played yesterday afternoon, so I called after the class to make sure. My dad let me know that the game had been moved to earlier in the week, but he would LOVE it if I brought him a latte. I dropped off the latte and ended up talking to the mom working the front gate for well over an hour!! I had never met this woman but apparently we found a LOT to discuss! I also knew a couple who came in to see their niece play and I talked to THEM for a while. After about an hour and a half at the gym, I decided I probably should go home!

I took a little nap (stocking up on my sleep...ha!) and then went to 5:00 Mass since I had to work today. I ended up sitting next to a couple that I've known "forever" and actually was talking about them earlier in the day. Crazy. Then, I saw a "kid" who was a year ahead of me in elementary school whose sisters baby-sat me. His parents still live up the street from my parents. I have been hearing about him from a patient's mom (who told me she heard that I wanted to date him...news to me since last I heard he lived in Texas on the Mexico border!) I talked to him and his mom for a little while and found out that he has been living with his parents since he moved back here. Interesting...possibly "very"...

Then, I went to the end of the year fantasy football/beginning of the year fantasy baseball pizza party. There I did a bit more listening than talking (seriously), but it was still quite the social day/night!

I had only had one glass of wine since Lent started and my "put good things into my body" plan started. (Not drinking Woodchuck has been quite a challenge!) However, I was at this pizza party and had two glasses of beer. I'm wondering if that is part of what caused the events of this morning...

I had to work, which means my alarm goes off at 5:30. I typically press my snooze button until 6, then leave around 6:40 to start work at 7. I woke up at 5:32 thinking it was odd that I didn't remember pressing the snooze button, but I was sleeping REALLY hard (yesterday it was nice, so I turned off the heat and opened a couple windows), so didn't really think THAT much of it. The next time I woke up, my clock said 6:45...again, after a super crazy dream! Stephanie may appreciate this one (I told my dad about the basketball dream yesterday and it brought tears to my eyes I was laughing so hard!) I dreamed that I was taking a math test. Now, I loved math when I was in school and am pretty sure I never got below an A in a math class. And, this test didn't look that tough (however, in the dream I admitted that I did NOT study) The first question was actually a bunch of numbers added together with the answer and then I had to say if those numbers did indeed add up to the answer or if it was wrong (weird test, but it WAS a dream!) Only trouble was that I was having a TERRIBLE time with the calculator that was given to me. It looked like every single question was going to be like this and without a calculator, that would take "forever". The teacher wouldn't let me get a different calculator...so, I flipped to the end, but realized that maybe I should have studied because I couldn't remember the proper "verbiage" for that section (which, fyi, was describing the similarities/differences in rooms in a Barbie house...Venn diagram?! ha ha) And, with that, the time was up and I started bawling because I had only answered two questions. So, I went to Spanish class and told one of the girls I'd be leaving early because the teacher offered to let me come back to finish if I could come at a certain time...

and then I woke up, realizing it was WAY later than it was supposed to be. I called the night charge nurse (who just HAPPENED to be the same person as the girl in my Spanish class even though I didn't know she was working...weird!) and asked her if it was really 6:45...yes, indeed it was. So, I quickly got dressed, pulled my hair into a pony tail, brushed my teeth, threw some things into a lunch bag and got to work by about 7:10. Gotta love living close to work! As it turned out, I was the THIRD person to call the charge nurse letting her know she had overslept...weird!

It was a good day (there were three students on my "side", which with the census meant there were seven patients and seven staff members!) The student who is working with me is just great. She asked me last Saturday if I would be her preceptor since she wasn't a big fan of the one she was given. She is really sweet, but also really willing to learn and take initiative (I totally was NOT like that!) She even asked if she could bring our questions to the surgeon when he came on rounds!

After work, I went and visited my parents (first my dad up at the gym for a while and then with my mom at their house). My mom and I talked and talked...until both of us decided that bed/home was a good idea!

Tomorrow, I have to take care of some "business" (like, fix something at the bank and work on my foster parent renewal license paperwork) before meeting my cousin for lunch. I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving and it will be great to catch up! Then, my dad asked me to meet him at the horse races. I'm not sure if there will be any other social events tomorrow, but I'll probably find SOMEONE else to talk to!

Social butterfly?! Not sure if you use that description for an adult who enjoys talking, but if so, then I think that's me these days...if only I was able to transfer that energy to organizing and cleaning!

Busy day tomorrow and my house is a little chilly, so I'm ready to snuggle with a couple blankets.

Good night.

What the heck?!

So, yesterday I posted about how well my one paper white bulb is doing. That one is on my TV and I commented about how it "reached" for the sunlight. I mentioned that the one on my kitchen table wasn't doing so hot. Well, I realized today how really not-so-hot it was doing. It is like falling over and going pretty crazy...and maybe not as close to blooming as I thought!

So, I moved it to the top of the TV near the other one with hopes its friend will take care of it and the little bit of additional sun will "perk it up". Okay, so maybe these things aren't "fool proof"...what the heck?! That poor paper white bulb :o(

Today was pretty busy at work and I have to work the next two, so probably should head to bed. I had a super fun conversation with a "new-ish" friend after work tonight...I was, however, reminded that I'm really not as great of a listener as I "claim" to be...pay attention=most of the time, talk=a LOT, but listen=not so great. Next time, well, I, uh, better not make any promises I may not be able to keep...ha!

Good night!

Thoughtfulness

I don't have too much to write about tonight. It was a really busy day at work and I was thankful to have a nursing student to help me take care of my patients. One of my three patients was really sick and I was worried about her all day long and it was great to be able to "delegate" other things to someone I trusted to do them well/correctly. It was only her fourth day with me, but she is doing very well :o)

I got this quote in my "inbox" today--
"If there were one word that could act as a standard of conduct for one's entire life, perhaps it would be 'thoughtfulness.'"
~Confucius--Chinese Philosopher and Teacher

I liked this especially because, more than a couple of times, I have been told that I am "the most thoughtful person"...guess I'm simply doing what "Confucius Says". ;o)

I agree that thoughtfulness makes a huge difference in good times and in hard times. I love sending cards, especially Hallmark ones (If I was more creative, I totally would want to work at Hallmark because they are the best! They have cards for EVERYTHING!) At a risk of sounding conceited, I also would have to agree that thoughtfulness is a gift that I have been able to use well. I pay attention, and usually am pretty good at remembering important incidents/dates (I will admit to be slacking a bit in that department recently...not really in the "remembering", but in doing something to let others know that I am remembering.)

There probably is a whole long post I could write about thoughtfulness, and maybe I should have just left it at the quote without any discussion. But, it is what it is...
Good night!

Words that Speak

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return..." For Good Wicked Soundrack


"Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child."



"Life breaks and falls apart, but we know these are places where grace is soon to be so amazing.
It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored, but when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord, just watch and see. It will not be unredeemed." Unredeemed Selah


"Kindness refreshes and restores the tired and broken." ~When Did I See You Hungry?

"Mercy brings you to your knees, forgiveness lifts you to your feet. In time, you will find, grace will reach your lowest low and never let you go." Arise Avalon

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'." ~Erma Bombeck

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." ~Frederick Douglass

Hmm, this was an "idea" I had since I wanted to post those lyrics from Wicked after hearing them this morning, and also the song from YouTube for other reasons, and then thought of other good songs/found other quotes and now it sounds like I am having "issues" or something. I'm actually doing fine. I had a good day. I thought this was going to be a quick post, but it ended up taking WAY longer than if I had actually written something myself (more than 30 minutes MORE than I was anticipating)! I have a dentist appointment in less than 8 hours and have a CPR class all afternoon. I actually think I need to "study" before I go. So, enough of this "randomness", but there is some "food for thought" and "words that speak" here anyway...
Good night.

I didn't like beer

So, this is my blog and I probably don't need a "disclaimer", but I have been working every day since Wednesday (if you include my 745AM-600PM baby-sitting on Thursday) and work again tomorrow. This topic "came" to me in the midst of all this working and I couldn't resist letting at least a little bit of it come out.

I am fairly certain I never drank an entire alcoholic drink until the night I turned 21 at the bowling alley with my friends. I bought some kind of fruity drink at Midnight since I was the only one of my friends who was 21. I never drank in high school. That is the fact...not good, not bad, not right, not wrong, just the choice I made at that time of my life. One evening my first semester of college I think I took a sip of "Zima" or something and felt like a "rebel" or something like that (feel free to laugh because I am!...ha ha!) Even though my dad has 2-3 Budweisers a night, I decided I did NOT like beer. I thought it was disgusting. Sure, I'd have myself some fruity drinks...margaritas, daiquiris, hurricanes (super funny "had to be there" story of me at Razoo's enjoying a hurricane and crawfish etouffee when I was the only one of my friends who was 21), but been NO WAY! None of my friends were "partiers" and, since I'm thinking that infamous "Freshman Fifteen" was due, at least in PART, to partaking in the drinking of the beer, I managed to avoid that...

At some point, I fell in love with Woodchuck, which, is not EXACTLY beer. But, still, I maintained that I did NOT like beer. Eww, yuck, no way. Margaritas, Tequila Sunrises, White Zin, sure, beer no way.

Then, I want to say not more than a year-ish ago, for some reason I was "forced" to have a Bud Light and it was not that bad. Of course, I would not consider myself to be a SUPER picky person (others could disagree) so I maybe could have choked it down even if I DIDN'T like it. I did usually have trouble deciding on what to drink unless I was at a restaurant with "fun drinks" on the menu, so typically stuck to Diet Coke. And then, I discovered that Bud Light wasn't too bad and started ordering that. Now, I have gotten a little more "adventurous" with my beer drinking, but have not yet tried my best college friend's Corona with lime, or my best high school friend's Miller Lite, but, this summer, I HAVE tried some new things. Goose Island Summertime will always remind me of Ginger and Lauren :o) I am not sure how many six-packs of Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy I have bought this summer (I maybe have also purchased some Berry Weiss...). I just finished a "Honey Moon". I still enjoy me a Bud Light and LOVE me some Woodchuck, although it is typically more expensive than the others...there is a restaurant in town that has it on tap...YUM!

Whether it is sipping a beer with my dad, after the softball game, or at home on my couch, I have done WAY more of that this year than EVER before (maybe in ALL the previous "drinking years" combined!)

And, so, it seems that the "Freshman Fifteen" may indeed hit me on the cusp of "Turning Thirty". Something tells me that it is a LOT harder to get rid of that in your thirties than in your twenties...

Good thing there are people like this who appreciate the beer gut I seem to be sporting these days...I haven't taken the plunge to "Rock it" yet...ha ha.



Oh yes, I most definitely just wrote a post entirely about drinking beer and my developing beer gut...and am actually going to publish it... Oh my goodness...I think I may need a day off...I WOULD consider having another beer, but it is nearing Midnight and I have to take care of small children in the hospital for nearly 13 hours tomorrow.

Good night :o)

Somewhat Silly Saturday

Alas! An attempt at accomplishing an appropriately accurate alliterative article. Amanda’s achievement’s apparently absolutely asinine after all, as authenticated, uh, here.

Someone sought some stalwart souls so swim suits should sell. So, she strutted (her)self seeking some slimness.

'Twas time to trim tall trees to toss trepidation toward tornadoes.

Maybe missing Maggie’s Mommy made me mildly manic…or…might my money-making metier manufacture madness? (With) My matched musings many may (not!) mistake me (for) MckMama…

Whatever weekend wonders we witness, we will win worth…what?!

Good-gracious…good night :o)

Hanging with the Brothers

I did go visit my nephew yesterday, but didn't take a single picture...I know, crazy! I was running a little behind and only was able to stay for 45 minutes before going to help my dad coach his softball games. I had plans to go back AFTER the games so I could take some pictures (and hold him a little longer...I had to let other visitors do that since I had "my turn"!) As it turned out, my relatives from California were in town, so my dad and I met up with them.

My dad and his brothers don't get together very often (although we all did back in October for the horse races :o) ) and it is fun to see them together. They were reminiscing about a crazy time when they got into a fight after a softball game with the other team and were suspended for a few weeks. Crazy story!

And yes, I did take a shot of Jameson with the brothers...and snapped THIS lovely picture of myself after that. Wow, that was quite the shot...ha ha!

It also is the look that I had after I agreed to participate in a segment on tomorrow's noon news at a local station. Yesterday I laughed my rear end off when the Curves owner asked if I would model a bathing suit on the news. I also was supposed to work, which was a GREAT excuse! Well, a girl asked me to switch tomorrow for Sunday and, after some hesitation, I said sure. Then, I was going to baby-sit for the owner's kids while SHE did the show. Then I found out that my friend from Curves was going to do it and I thought she tricked me (you know, baby-sit the kids instead of getting a free suit!). Come to find out, you need to have a tankini/one piece suit as a "before" and she didn't have one, so they still needed another model. I HATE bathing suits, but apparently these are to be "special" ones that are supposed to make me look good...yeah right! So, that is the plan for tomorrow...however, the guy from LA who called the owner asking for models was quite upset this morning that all the models she found are 5'4" or shorter, but beggars can't be choosers, right?! Definitely won't promise any pictures of me in my free bathing suit, but a photograph of this "special" suit is something I may be able to do.

Well, I am thinking I probably should do one of my performance evaluations. I have three left, and if I do one a day, then they will ALL be done in time to be turned in on Friday when I go to work. That SHOULD be "doable", but it will take a little motivation...which, since I've had them for over a month, seems to be something I am lacking.

Have a great day!

Names Are Funny

Apparently, this was a bit of a "thinking week" for me...but at least this topic is a bit on the lighter side!

Amidst the other "swirling thoughts", apparently I began to think about names, particularly nick names and "names for short". I'm pretty sure I can come up with a few reasons why I've been thinking about this...

1. My sister was told yesterday that her baby will be born sometime in the next two weeks...she will be induced if he does not come on his own. My nephew has had "a name" since before they even knew he was a boy...although last night I dreamed that she and my brother-in-law changed it after he was born (not a chance, but still a funny dream!)
2. There is a line in the play I am doing where the two main characters are talking to boys who are new to the English language. At one point there is a really funny line about trying to explain to them how "Ollie" is a short name for "Olive", even though it is not actually "shorter".
3. This super funny story that was posted on facebook by one of my high school friends. (The "Cliffs Notes" version is that the executive assistant to a congressman went absolutely nuts when someone sent an email to her requesting a meeting with her boss and referred to her as "Liz" rather than "Elizabeth"...it is funny and many of the reader comments are also entertaining.)
   
4. I am just kind of weird and think of very random things like names when I should be doing things like cleaning my house.

I do actually think names are funny, as are some names that people choose to name their children (while I do not work in a newborn nursery, we do get our share of interesting ones...I will not list any here so as not to offend anyone who may have an idea to name their child "Maverick"...) However, my "puzzlement" that came this week was, as I wrote previously, about nick names and how some people get them, others do not, and how people feel about them.

For example, there are some girls at work named Emily, Jessica, Becky, and Colleen. More often than not, I find myself calling them "Em", "Jess", "Bec", and "Coll"...how lazy is that?! I mean, MY name is three syllables and no one seems to have too much trouble spitting them all out. I suppose my name also doesn't really lend itself to a shortened version like these ones seem to (although, I'm wondering how "Bec" and "Coll" feel about THOSE names...)

And what about those names, like the one in my play that are "shortened", but really actually the same number of syllables, so not ACTUALLY shortened? For instance, Nikki is not really "short" for Nicole, and Debra and Debbie are pretty much the same as well.

Or, why did I get a three syllable name, but my parents never gave me a short/nick name, but my sister was given a three syllable name, but ALWAYS called by a nick name?

Sometimes maybe it is kind of a "friendly" type thing where your "short name" is what your friends call you...I mean, Ginger is not any harder to say than Laurie, Erin, Sara, Lauren, Lisa...you get the idea... But, sometimes when my friend Ginger and I are having a friendly conversation (as friends do...ha!), she refers to herself as "Ging"...which to me, feels kind of like "aww, you're my 'bff' so I'm gonna call you 'Ging' because it's really sweet" instead of "wow, I'm super lazy and can't say your full name". However, those other names, like mine, don't seem to lend themselves very well to a one-syllable nick-name.

Some people are "okay" with their names for short, and probably they are ones that their parents called them as they were growing up. Obviously I have never had to name a child yet, but I'm thinking that is one of the things parents must consider (that is, if they actually give thought to names...as I mentioned, some parents apparently do not appear to.) Some people are very passionate about whether or not their child will be called the typical nickname (apparently, that woman in the above article did not take too kindly to the fact that someone would call her "Liz" just because her parents named her "Elizabeth"!) "Elizabeth" is, in fact, a long name, as is the four-syllable name that my nephew will have. My sister has decided that SHE will not call him by his shortened name, but to this point has not corrected others who have already chosen to shorten it. I suppose it is all in what you are used to...if someone attempted to call me the shortened version of my name, I would just kindly correct them, because it doesn't feel "right" since I was never called that.

Some people have names that can't really be shortened. Others end up shortened because people, like me, are lazy and make up names for them. Some people are given longer names and ALWAYS called by their given names. Others are always called by the shortened/nick name version of their given name. (Surely there are LOTS of Jennifers who have ALWAYS been Jenn or Jenny/Jennie/Jenni...ha!)

I'm wondering if one syllable names are the way to go...but, then there are those folks who name their children "John" and call them "Jack", so I guess no amount of syllables can save you from "nick names" or "names for short" :o)

And, I'm sure you could come up with all SORTS of funny names to call me after writing such a post!

But, in the words of Shakespeare "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Which, according to this helpful little link means "What matters is what something is, not what it is called." And, I think that says it perfectly.

Good night.

Swirling Thoughts

After my last post, I have been wondering what I could write about as a "follow-up" to that (believe me, I lost count of the number of times I have watched that slide show...yes, I have "issues"). Of course, if I was Ginger, I could follow it up with cute pictures of baseball babies or fun at the zoo, but, I am not...

I suppose I COULD, however, post a picture that somehow didn't make it into the slide show that showcases my, um, "photography"...ha ha! Yeah, definitely took a TV tray to my front sidewalk at dusk for this one... Yes, I know that I'm a nerd...a very big one!

I did actually have another "enlightening" conversation with a good friend yesterday. It has definitely been a week of "heart-to-hearts" that has left my brain swirling with thoughts. There are so many things that I need/want to put into words, but it is going to take me some time to write something that resembles "making sense" of anything. Of course, no promises that when that post gets written it will be "ground-breaking", but I definitely think spending some time to let it all spill out will help me a LOT!

Wow, that is SUPER vague...can you tell I am in the middle of working 36 out of 72 hours? Change is challenging for me, but I think I am pretty close to starting to make some changes...not sure if they will be anything drastic, but my head is definitely filled with lots of different thoughts. In the mean time, though, I probably should go to bed...and before that, I need to read over my lines that are still pretty far from being memorized.

Good night.

87 Lines

I must agree with Ginger's words, "Holy Bananas Batman" :o) I went through and highlighted my parts for the play and yes, I do indeed have 87 lines to memorize...and I'm thinking that if they aren't at least pretty close to being memorized by Thursday, I could be "in trouble" (I had the date wrong in my last post...my performance is not until the 27th, but it is still will be here before I know it!) Tonight was the first read through/"blocking" rehearsal and it went pretty well I think. It is a very funny show, so will be better when people have their lines memorized and more fully understand the plot. Even though it could make for a busy couple of weeks, I think it will be a great experience!

I was thinking about titling this post "heart to heart" because I actually had a couple "heart to hearts" today...

I "facebook chatted" with one of my cousins for quite some time. I had talked to her prior to my trip and then let her know how things went both "family wise" with it as well as the trip itself. She may be a couple years younger, but she definitely shared some "words of wisdom" with me. One of the things she wrote in her initial message was "You've always been comfortable in your skin and with your decisions - and remained true to yourself. I am certain you carry these offline traits online...and sometimes friends happen in unlikely ways...but those connections aren't any less special" which brought tears to my eyes (and is making me cry right now re-reading them). It was exactly what I needed to hear because, for some reason, I am still struggling with various "issues" surrounding this whole thing. I actually have to keep looking at pictures to remind myself it really did happen (to be honest, that feels really weird and I have no clue what in the world is going on inside my head, but I am very thankful there are pictures!) She and I also discussed some dating/relationship type issues that I suppose I will write about another time because that could take up an entire post.

One of my aunts came over this afternoon and helped me in the yard. We filled two garbage cans with weeds and other "yard waste" so my yard looks MUCH better! She also planted some things. I think she will be coming back tomorrow so that will be great! We also had a "heart to heart" about such things as my mom, my trip, being a homeowner, dating, parent-child relationships...all sorts of things. It really was nice, and, again, something I really think I needed (man, this is the third time I have broken down into tears while typing these four paragraphs that I started writing an hour ago...not "exactly" sure what that's all about, but maybe it is a good clue to stop writing this post for tonight and go to bed!)

So, I best be heading to bed...and need to figure out how I am going to memorize my lines (guess I'm going to have to depend on my friends who actually live in the same city for that one!)

Wow, this is one crazy and scattered post, but it's where I am tonight I guess, and this blog is "all about me", so there you go...
Good night!