Boundaries

Both girls stayed Monday night and Tuesday night neither of them was thrilled about going home. However, they had no choice since I worked Wednesday. On Wednesday when I worked, one of the hospital social workers gave me a “talking to” about boundaries. I was talking about how the girls’ mom had called me on Sunday night to take the little one and I said I couldn’t since I worked. She asked me “do you ever say no?!” I couldn’t really answer a strong “yes”, but I do think I have valid reasons for letting her “call the shots”. I do not want it to come out that I have been trying for months to get her girls from her. In fact, there have only been a couple of occasions that I asked to take them places. I don’t think I have specifically asked if the teen could stay the night. Those nights have either been the teen’s choice or the mom suggesting it.

I know that I need to protect myself from manipulation, but I also need to protect myself legally.

I realize that their mom wants me around when it is convenient for her. I also know that my relationship with her daughters is threatening, so she is willing to use me both as privilege and punishment. I only believe about half of what she tells me and understand that she could turn on me without notice.

Their mom texted me shortly before 7:00 AM on Thursday. She was concerned about the teen going to work on the bus in a thunderstorm. I was off, so could have easily gone to pick her up and bring her to work, but was enjoying my sleep.  So, I texted her back that maybe she’d have to use an umbrella and to let her problem solve. She texted back an “ok” and an “lol” and the weather was actually okay by the time she went to work. (Full disclosure: If the teen had texted me for a ride, I likely would have done it.)

I picked up the little one from her great-grandma’s house around 2:00 on Thursday afternoon so she could come with us to a baseball game. Their mom was her sweet self and showed me around the house. The little one was anxious to get to my house. We watched a movie (I needed a nap…ha!) and had dinner together. We picked up the teen from work (along with a friend) on our way to the game.

It’s kind of sad for me to be around the little one because she has not progressed at all since they went home. She’ll be five the end of August and can’t even say how to spell her name (it’s only 4 letters), can’t recognize letters (or numbers), and still is kind of difficult to understand at times. She REALLY needs pre-school, so hopefully someone will intervene there because I’ve said all I feel I can say about it.

The game was fun, but on the way back to my house, the little one said she missed her mom and wanted to go home. The teen thought she’d forget by the time we got back to my house since the plan was for both of them to spend the night. I asked her again when we got there and she maintained that she wanted to go home. So, I called her mom to see if she was at home. She was, so I told her I was bringing the little one back since she decided she didn’t want to stay. When we got to her house, she was obviously irritated that the little one was back home. She said her house was a mess and she had a lot to do. I told her that she didn’t want to stay and I wasn’t going to force her. She said “well, you should have made her stay.” Excuse me?! I’m sorry having an almost-5-year-old around cramps your style (believe me, I was wondering how I was going to get things done with her there too!), but she’s YOUR kid! Plus, what kind of words would she have had with me if she knew the little one wanted to come home and I wouldn’t let her?!

I haven’t heard from her since, even though I did send her a text yesterday to see what size shoes the little one wears.

The teen decided to stay Thursday night anyway. I took her to and from work yesterday…and then she decided she wanted to stay last night too. I worked today and she “vegged out” (she did run my dishwasher, so I suppose I can’t really complain…plus, it’s her first weekend of summer vacation and I guess she deserves a break!)

I’m going on vacation tomorrow for a couple of days and she wants to stay at my house while I’m gone as my “house sitter”. I asked her a couple of times if she’d rather stay at my house alone than go home and she said yes. I guess I don’t blame her, but I wonder what, if anything, this means for the “future”. (Meaning, I think the only way she will get the stability she so desires is for me to petition for legal guardianship, which I will NOT do without her 100% on board.) She still needs to ask her mom about staying here and I told her she needs to communicate with me either way, especially if things change part-way through.

I am looking forward to getting away for a couple of days…and think I’ll feel even better if she was at my house where I know she feels safety, security, and love (even if I’m not there…ha!)

So, I understand people being concerned about “boundaries”, but I’m doing the best I can and trying hard to “regroup” as often as necessary to make sure I take care of myself in all of this too. I know their mom is manipulative and try to begin every conversation with her with reminding myself not to let her suck me into her “game”.

I brought the teen to take her final test for work after I got off work even though I haven’t packed. I’m sort of wishing I would have had her take the bus there and picked her up when I got off, but now I had time to write this post while I waited for her rather than not having time to write a post at all ;)

(and, it took nearly 2 hours from leaving my house to getting home...kind of irritating, but nothing can be done now...time to eat and then pack!)

Good night.

Wordless Wednesday

5 Years of Blogging

Today is my Five Year Blogoversary! Wow. SO much has happened these past five years! I had no idea when I first started this blog (lovely first post here...it makes me laugh because I'm not sure ANY of my posts in the five years since then have been that short!) what I would write about, who would read it, or for how long I would keep it going.

The first three years were mostly posts about work. In case I haven't written about it recently, I'm a pediatric nurse. Those first three years had a number of rough spells and that first year brought the first anniversaries of the deaths of some of my favorite patients. I wrote about the struggles of little girls named "E" and "A" who have come close to death more times than anyone could imagine but, by the grace of God are still on this Earth touching the lives and hearts of everyone they "meet". I wrote about a patient who is now 4 1/2 but was "the baby" for months on here as he struggled. I was "for sure" that God brought his mom into my life so I could be there with her when she had to say good-bye.

I still write about work sometimes, but nearly two years ago, I was given a new role as a foster parent and so I wrote a lot about that journey. "The teen" (M) was 15 1/2 and a much different girl than she is now. "The little one" (L) was nearly 3 and now she's about to be 5. They lived with me for 16 months and the nearly 8 months since then have been posts about the ups and downs of post-reunification.

I've been the "one date wonder", "dated" someone for about 6 months, and "talked it out" here as I struggled with being okay with who I am despite others thinking they know what's best for me.

I've met some amazing people during these five years of blogging...some of them even "in real life" and are now my "real life friends".

I gained a brother-in-law, two nephews, and some "cousins-in-law". I also lost my grandpa. I have learned that even though my family drives me crazy sometimes (and I enjoy having a "safe" place to vent...sometimes I have thought about removing some of those posts, but I like having it documented so I remember how I got through things), they love me and I am so blessed to have them.

I have taken vacations to California, Nashville, Chicago, and Pittsburgh.

This may still be a pretty quiet place, but I am definitely okay with that! I come here and write for me (because I have way too many paper "journals" that I already don't know what to do with and can't imagine having 5 more years of them!) I learn from myself when I take the time to read old posts. I love seeing how far I've come and reminding myself about things I did/the way things used to be. I am so very blessed and it's nice to have those blessings and reasons to give thanks right here on my computer...especially on days that aren't very fun.

So, a very Happy Fifth Blogoversary to me...I'd do a giveaway, but wouldn't know what to give away and that isn't really what this blog is all about, so sorry ;) My favorite candies are Bottle Caps and Hot Tamales in case YOU want to send me a gift...ha!

Here's to (at least) five more years of writing here and continuing to wonder if I have anything to say...

She's Employed

After much pestering by me, the teen applied for a job on Tuesday. She got a call yesterday for an interview today. So, I picked her up from school and brought her to her interview. She starts on Tuesday! Talk about a quick turn around (and super lucky!) At least two of her friends work there as well and it sounds like a good job for her. She's going to be a life guard (I know, I didn't picture her doing that either) at a hotel that has an indoor water park. So, maybe she'll have to be a little more active and she'll have to interact socially with other people. It sounds like she'll be working afternoons/evenings, so she can do baby-sitting or something else during the day if she wants. I'm really excited for her!

She asked about the deal with direct deposit since that was one of the forms. I told her that she may have to have an adult on a bank account with her since she's 17. Without actually saying it, I alluded to the fact that I wouldn't necessarily trust her mom with her bank account (she said it and I quietly agreed). I said maybe we could go to the bank and ask if she could get her own account since she's so close to 18 (it looked like that MAY be an option at my bank, but I couldn't tell for sure online).

I feel so blessed to be able to share this special "first job" occasion with her. We "celebrated" with one of our favorite meals and watching my DVR of SVU from last night :)

After the educational surrogacy/power of attorney/guardianship discussion from Tuesday, I decided to call someone from church who is a Judge (and a lawyer). He didn't think surrogacy or power of attorney would really help since it is really easy for her to change her mind (he actually didn't say much about the surrogacy deal even being a valid option). His recommendation was for me to file a petition in county court for temporary guardianship. He thought that the teen would be able to have a lot of say in court given her age. Since she is asking for stability and we are looking out for her best interest, it didn't sound like her mom would have much of a chance of "winning" (unless I am just overly hopeful by what he said). He said it wouldn't have to be contested if mom agrees, but he hasn't met her mom...it would be a mess and not pretty at all.

I texted the teen last night to think about if she would be willing to take her mom to court about all this. Today, I told her what I found out about her options. I will NOT file a petition for guardianship unless she is 100% on board with it. I told her that if she backed out part way through, it would be REALLY bad for me which is the truth. I emphasized that this is all her choice and I would not question or fault her for not wanting or being able to do it. It is a huge deal and likely would take some time to get finalized (in the mean time, her mom could make our lives "a living hell" if she wanted to). I didn't give her a timeline to decide and am going to try not to bring it up again. This is her life and she has to decide both what is best for her and how much "fallout" she is able to handle...I don't envy her at all :(

It seems like she is working hard to finish this semester strong. She is an amazing "young woman" and I'm so proud of her!
Good night.

Busy Busy

It's 9:30 and I'm in bed. It will probably take me less than 5 minutes to fall asleep. I'm worn out. I'm sure the crying yesterday didn't help (or today's tears that also fell freely).

My morning started with a 5 AM phone call to tell me that we only had 7 patients so they definitely didn't need me as an "extra" nurse. So, I ended up with 3 days off in a row which was nice...unfortunately, they were jam-packed full! I set my alarm for 6:30 so I could tell the teen on her way to school that I was off in case she wanted to come over after school. Then, I re-set my alarm for 7:30 so then at 8:00, I texted her mom to tell her that I could bring her to her meeting at school if she wanted. She said I could pick her up at 9:30.

Then, I started a tweet fest about Educational Surrogacy versus Power of Attorney (or Legal Guardianship). Unfortunately, I never could find good information online, so will have to find an actual person who will talk to me (since the GAL never returned my calls or emails when I was trying to get information on Power of Attorney weeks ago). 

Her mom let me know that she almost forgot she had court, so asked me to pick her up at the court house at 9:45 instead of 9:30. Then, she said court was late and said 10:15 and then told me at 10 that she was done (her meeting was scheduled for 10, but she called and said she was going to be late). Come to find out, she actually did something that is illegal (and unethical), but she thinks the State is "wronging" her...if she didn't show up for court today, she could have gone to jail. Now, I wouldn't wish jail on anyone, but that would actually make the teen's situation less complicated...apparently, there is still a possibility if she doesn't do what she's supposed to do.

During the drive from the court house to the school, I talked to her about not wanting to take her kid from her, but I want to help make things easier. I mentioned her signing something that legally would allow me to make some educational (and medical) decisions...i.e. pay tuition/have access to grades/permission to talk to teachers/take her to appointments. I'm not sure she was paying much attention to me, but I tried.

She had her meeting and pretty much said she wasn't going to stress about the teen going there and wouldn't enroll her. She has to make a payment by Friday or the teen can't take her finals. They don't have record that she made any payments (although, come to find out she actually was telling the truth that she gave the teen money orders last semester for some of it). During the drive home (my first of three trips to her house today), I said something about taking the teen off her hands and she basically said no way, she can go to public school.

After I dropped her off, I went through the ATM and brought the payment to school. I cried as I talked to the President because their hands are tied. Even though she would help me and the teen figure something out for paying the bills next year, she can't do that if her mom refuses to enroll her. She said that if "circumstances" change over the summer, they will let her back in, but for now, she is not enrolled.

That is really hard to swallow...and makes me very sad.

A couple hours later, I get a call from mom that the little one wants to talk to me. The little one asked if she could come over and play...today. Oh, sure, why not, even though I was wanting a nap and thought that mom probably wanted to go somewhere that she couldn't bring the little one and didn't have anyone else, so was using me as a baby-sitter...oh well. 

The little one was excited to see me. We made a quick stop at the grocery store and then played outside in my front yard. We did chalk (and Barbies) for a little while and then I pulled weeds and planted some flowers while she dug holes and played with roly polys. 

It got a little hot, so we went inside and she decided to cut up a box. I'm glad to know she knows how to use scissors because she definitely doesn't know how to write her name and she'll be FIVE in 3 months. She can't really recognize letters and only scribbled, not drew pictures. She ends nearly every sentence with a "huh?" to get validation of what she says (eg. "That's really cute, huh?") Makes me sad. Her birthday is after the cut-off, so she may not get to go to kindergarten this year. Hopefully her mom will at least get her into pre-school since she'll be five!

Then, we went and got the teen from school. I filled her in on how the meeting went (leaving out the fact that I paid what she needed to take her finals just in case her mom doesn't). She started crying as soon as I mentioned that I thought she'd be okay if she had to change schools. She said she "can't" do it (and doesn't want to). I told her pretty much everything I said to her mom, but don't know what else to do...so asked her to keep praying for wisdom. She filled out a job application, so hopefully she gets that job and can keep busy this summer.

The little one watched a short movie while I talked to the teen and made dinner. This was the first time the three of us had dinner together in a while, so it was nice.

After dinner, the little one and I played in my play room...and then I was ready to be done with this busy day, so I brought them home around 8:00 (my third trip to their house today). I texted the teen to see if her mom was flipping out over anything I said, but maybe she went to bed early too.

Back to work tomorrow...but just for one day since I'm off on Thursday. I can do "anything" for one day ;)
Good night.

Falling Tears

I had a meeting at work to plan our annual Pediatric and Perinatal Memorial Service from 9:30-10:30. It went a little late, so I was late for my therapy appointment that was at 11. Then, I met with my Doctor at 2:00 about my PCOS treatment since the Progesterone shots I've been taking don't seem to be "fixing" the problem and it is getting costly/frustrating. After that, I called the girls' mom (actually talked to her three different times I think since we hung up and she called back). She said the teen could come over after school and I could bring her home after dinner...yay!

The teen was initially her chatty self and then I attempted to talk to her about something "tough" (mostly because my therapist was trying to make sure I'd be "ok" if things don't go the way "we"/"I" want them to go). I said something like "you're going to be okay even if you have to change schools next year"...her response was "no I won't be" and told me she wouldn't go to school and/or she would leave the State to go live with an aunt. She may have said one or two more things and then completely shut down. Her wall was up and she refused to tell me what happened, what she was feeling, or talk about anything.

She eventually agreed to go outside with me for a little while to study while I planted some flowers. We were not close enough to have a normal voice conversation, so maybe that felt "safe". Then, she went to her room while I finished making dinner.

She talked for a little while at dinner and then I asked her if she still wanted to go to college. She shrugged her shoulders, muttered a "maybe" (or something similar) and the wall went back up. I tried to get her to talk as she rubbed/covered her eyes...the only thing she muttered was that she had a headache. She wouldn't respond to any questions, tell me what I said to upset her, even acknowledge that she WAS upset...

I finally gave up on her talking and let her get up to do the dishes. I was so upset/frustrated that the tears started to fall as we worked in silence...her rinsing the dishes and me putting them into the dishwasher which is our normal routine.

She went to her room and I continued to cry...and pray for guidance/wisdom/strength/for her to feel my love and His love... I know she's not "really" my daughter, but when she's hurting it sure does make my heart ache. I love her so much and it is SO hard when I know she's struggling, but have no idea why (or which one of the 101 reasons she has to be hurting/struggling it is right now) and she, for whatever reason, cannot tell me.

After a few minutes, I tearfully knocked on her door and asked her when she wanted to go home. She said "now" but it took a few minutes for her to get ready, so I sat at the table and cried while I waited for her.

We made the drive to her house in silence as I fought back the tears. She looked a little upset too, but she was bound and determined not to let any tears fall. I told her I loved her and would be around if she wanted to talk later. I may text her here in a little bit since both of us have had a little time to "settle".

Her mom is scheduled to meet at her school tomorrow at noon. I believe she owes a chunk of tuition that has to be paid before the teen can take finals. Even though I'm willing to do all her service work and pay tuition (if the teen gets a job), it's kind of "murky" on if that is acceptable or not and if her mom is willing to sacrifice anything to make it possible for her daughter to graduate from the school she's attended for three years...

My heart is hurting and the tears are falling...praying for lots of things including being able to deal with the "fall out" if things do not go in a way that seems to be in the best interest of the teen...I love that girl so very much...

Lucky Girl

Even though I am orienting a nurse new to my unit and today was her third day, I decided to try to get the day off if I could. Our census was low, so I got to be "on call" (and didn't get called in...yay!) 

The past two days were "drama" with the teen and her mom (and the teen and her "group projects" at school), so I thought it would be good to have the day off to help with that. Her mom was very angry at her for staying here last night even though it was only because she was trying to work on a project. We did end up watching  a movie, but only because her partner never responded to her texts to work on their project. If I went to work, I didn't know how she would have gotten home and she really did need to spend at least a part of Mother's Day with her mom/grandma. 

Plus, my dad was making brunch at their house, so if I was off, I got to see my mom, grandma, and sister on Mother's Day too :) (and my dad, brother-in-law, and nephews). 

The teen was working on her project while I went and had brunch with my family. My dad made French Toast which is probably my favorite breakfast. (Before I left my house, the teen and I had cinnamon rolls since she looked at me and said "you wanna make breakfast?"...I love that girl!)

After brunch and she was done working on her project, I brought her home. The little one was playing outside and came to my car to see me. She told me she loved me and gave me a hug. She delivered her mom's Mother's Day gift to her and her mom was appreciative. I made her a card with pictures and she loved it (of course, she had to say "I knew I was going to get one of these"...sure you did, you know everything...) She did invite me inside so she could open the gift, but "all" I got her was bath towels and though it was a thoughtful/practical gift, I thought it may be anticlimactic when the giant box was "just" towels (new and freshly washed ones though). I did regret not taking the opportunity to have a conversation with her though since it has been a while since we talked (and the last three conversations she had with the teen involved lots of "f-bombs" and were not very supportive of the teen doing her best to get good grades in her classes). But, it is what it is...I texted the teen this evening and she said her mom liked the towels and was "better" today.

I'm so thankful to have been given this day off to spend with the people I love...one hard thing about working in the hospital is "missing" special days like this, so I'm feeling really lucky/blessed today.

Happy Mother's Day to every woman who's ever loved someone more than herself...
Good night.

On Mother's Day

Today, the teen came to my house to work on a group project with some girls from school. I was at work, so didn't get to see them "in action". Apparently, one of the girls was a couple hours late, so it was much less productive than the teen had hoped and she was very upset/frustrated when I got home. She had another group project to do, but she couldn't get in touch with her friend/partner...that project is due Monday.


Add to that, her mom cussed her out (F-bomb and all) both yesterday and today about making excuses or something like that. Her mom was really upset about her wanting to stay here tonight so she could finish her project (and didn't believe that she actually had a project). I tried calling her mom, then texted her mom (since the teen was in tears and really stressed out). 


Her mom (in a round about not nice way) ended up saying the teen could stay the night.


She never was able to get her friend to help with the project, so I helped her with what I could, encouraged her, and told her how proud I am of her...


Last year on Mother's Day, the girls had been living here almost a year. My parents gave me a Keurig (probably because they gave my sister one, but still really nice!) I got a couple "Happy Mother's Day...well, kind of" which stung a bit, but I did understand...kind of.


This year, I don't have a "placement" and I don't have my "own" kids, so I was wondering what Mother's Day would feel like.


Then, I got this in an email from Paper Coterie...
"To every woman who has ever loved someone more than herself, we wish you an absolutely wonderful Mother's Day." and I found much comfort in those words.


Helping with school projects, wiping away tears, giving words of support, watching chick flicks together...and I know, that I'm a woman who has loved someone more than myself...and will have an absolutely wonderful Mother's Day.

Fun With the Teenager

Monday evening was May Crowning at the teen's school. "Our" school has lots of traditions and this is one of my favorites :) It is mandatory and in the evening, so her mom was okay with her coming over after school so I could bring her to May Crowning and then home. We had gone shopping a couple times so she had a new outfit to wear. I ended up sitting in a spot where I could see her clearly (she is in front of the girl in the white sweater and the one with the white and black skirt on the left side of the picture). She seemed to behave herself...ha! Afterwards, I took some pictures of her with her friends (I told her I needed some for her "Senior Slide Show" that I'll have to make next year...can't believe she'll be a Senior!) It was special to be able to attend with her.

(I can't post the pic of me with the teen, so this is me with a girl I baby-sat!)

Tuesday night, the teen and I went to a baseball game. My mom got us 4 tickets and she had friends lined up to go who backed out last minute. So, once again it was "just us"...poor girl, but I guess at least she has me (and that I have her because I likely wouldn't go anywhere if I didn't have her to go places with me). She was being a brat and wouldn't let me take her picture. She is so pretty when she laughs and smiles with her teeth, but in posed pictures she ALWAYS smiles with her mouth closed. Sure, she's still pretty, but I wanted to catch her with a big smile. She would have NOTHING of that, so I tried to sneak pictures with my phone instead of my camera. Then, she took my camera and took all sorts of unflattering pictures of me, so I took pictures of her with my phone while she had my camera. (The pictures are in no particular order, but I do think she enjoyed me teasing her and we laughed a lot!) There were fireworks after the game and she got a ball that was hit to our section :)

Last week, she lost her glasses during her walk home from the bus stop. So, on Saturday when she was with me, we made her an appointment to see the eye doctor this afternoon. Her mom told her she could go and she would give her the insurance card. She didn't think her mom would let her go today if she knew that I was bringing her. I'm not sure why, but I instructed her NOT to lie about it. We "texted it out" last night and I told her she could be general and tell her mom that she was finding her way to and from, but to tell the truth if her mom asked. I know she didn't want to lie either, because that isn't in her character, but she knew what she needed to have happen and didn't want to risk not being able to go. I told her I appreciated her allowing me to help her find the right words. As it turns out, her mom didn't ask. However, she did come here to watch SVU with me before I dropped her off at the library near her house which probably wasn't the BEST idea considering her mom didn't give her permission to come over, but we haven't/won't make it a habit of not telling her mom everything.

While I waited for her to have her eye exam, I had her family Medicaid card. I didn't realize that there were only 6 years, 3 months between the little one and her three older brothers. So, her mom had four kids six years and under (plus two other kids)...I think that puts it into a little more perspective on how things could have (did) get overwhelming. Obviously, her (likely diagnosis although not diagnosed) narcissistic personality disorder didn't help matters and she made bad choices, but that's busy!

I renewed my foster parent home study today since my license will expire in August (she is ahead of the game so there is no lapse in licensure...good thinking!) I'm not sure if/when I'll be ready to take another placement (even though I did say yes on Sunday). I'm (slowly) trying to clear out/organize my "junk room" to make it a usable bedroom for potential future placements. I'd rather not kick the teen out of "her" room even if she just stays here sporadically. Granted, I could move her into the other room once it's just "half a junk room", but I'd rather not. 

The teen asked if she could have her English project group come over and film part of their video here on Saturday. I guess they need a kitchen scene. I'm scheduled to be at work, but trust her to be responsible (and her friends too). She'll probably clean the kitchen floors for me in return, so I'm all for that...ha! She still has to ask her mom about that, but my guess is that she'd rather have her stay the night than find her a ride here on Saturday for filming.

Well, it's late (and that's a long enough post!) Good night.

Will You Get More?

It's been just over 23 months since I first met the girls.

 It's been just over 7 months since the girls went home.

And yet...they are still a very big part of my life.

I know it's just because people are curious, but I've been getting the "will you get more" question a lot recently. I attended a foster parent appreciation night party on Friday night. I spoke at foster parent training in October and again in March. One mom from each group came and talked to me about how things were going post-reunification. Another mom came and asked how things were going. The mom I talked to at the last training came to gave me her information (and asked me if the teen had an "IEP" which I may look into) and asked how things were. 

All of them wanted to know if/when I was taking more placements.

I do, at times, feel guilty that I haven't taken any more placements. I wonder if I should be "keeping my life on hold" when it seems unlikely that the teen will get her wish of moving back here on a permanent/semi-permanent basis. 

My response to them was that one of the caseworkers told me I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. She's also the one who told me I'd "know when I knew"...and she was definitely right then. 

I thought I was "ready" for "more" at the end of January, beginning of February right before everything blew up with the teen. I'm thankful now that I have been able to be fully present for her during these past three months...and the months to come.

Today while I was at work, I missed a call about a 15-year-old girl who needed a placement. She was at my hospital (but not in my area) being treated for physical abuse, maybe getting released today. I got the message pretty soon after it was left and my first call was to the teen. I asked her how she would feel about me getting another placement. She told me it was fine (I asked her lots of times to make sure). I let her know that it wouldn't change how I felt about her and she was my #1 priority, so she could say no. However, once I had her blessing, I called my dad and asked if he'd be able to help with the bed situation since I just have one "spare" bed that the teen uses (and a toddler bed). I called the worker back less than 20 minutes after the initial call came in. I got a little more information and she said she or another worker would call me with more information (she thought maybe I could at least do "emergency" this week since I only work Wednesday and then the weekend). She called me pretty quickly after we hung up to tell me they found another place for her...

So, I suppose the answer to "will you get more" is "probably", but I'm choosing to trust that God has the timing and the details all worked out.

In the mean time, I know I'll get to spend time with the teen tomorrow and Tuesday (and maybe Thursday)...and for that, I know I'm blessed.

Good night.

Hanging Out When We Can

Last week, the teen and I seemed to "push the limits" with her mom. We did end up getting to do the things we wanted to do, but the threat of her limiting/ending our contact is something she seems to enjoy holding over our heads.

I texted the teen on Sunday night to see if she was "cool" with me calling her mom to see if she wanted to formulate some kind of "plan" for the week...as far as coming over/staying the night/not staying the night/not coming over. I did call her mom and she was not very chatty this time (recall, last week I spent 45 minutes on the phone listening to her go on and on). She said we would "take it day by day"...which, we decided we would take.

Monday morning, I got a text from the teen shortly before 7:00 AM. Apparently, her mom was mad at her because she had a housing inspection that day and needed help (at 6 AM) getting ready for it (or something like that) and told her to not make excuses to come to my house that don't exist. Her early morning "tantrum" led to the teen having to wait for a later bus that was running late. So, I picked her up for the last 10 blocks so she wasn't late to school. She was able to say to me "it is not my fault/issue, it is hers"...

Later, I found out that her school soccer team was playing in the district tournament. Also, my mom had given me some "expired" orange juice to give to her mom next time I brought the teen home. It was "quite" expired, but was not open and my mom assured me it would be fine for a day or two. However, I texted her mom to see if she'd be interested or if I should toss it...and threw in a little bit about the soccer game because I'm "smooth like that"...ha! At some point during our texting, she called the teen and told her she could come over here and go to the game with me since I was already dropping some stuff off at their house. Then, her mom called and told me about how the teen didn't help her get ready for the inspection, etc. and told me that this was the last time the teen would be able to do anything. She instructed me not to call or text to see if the teen could do things with me. I decided that I may need to have a slight case of dementia and forget about that conversation, but thought I'd respect her wishes for a little while at least.

The teen and I watched the game together, but she was kind of quiet. I teased her that it was our "last hurrah" since her mom once again told us this was it. I love that we get to spend time together, but it's really pretty sad that I'm her only social outlet. She isn't allowed to do anything with her peers. I try to be cool and we do have fun, but the truth is that I'm nearly twice as old as she is (even though I may not act...or look...like it!)

She is so strong, though. I love that this week she was able to say that the problem is with her mom, not with her. Her mom does still hold more power over her self-esteem/confidence than she'd admit, but for this week, my "chin up"/"I'm so proud of you"/"you're amazing"/"I love you"/"keep up the great work's" seem to have sunk in for the most part.

Yesterday, I was at work. Shortly before noon, I received a text from the teen via her email since she has to leave her phone in her locker (they are "supposed" to...my guess is she's one of the only ones who do). It simply said "I love you. Have a good day!"

Seriously, how sweet is that?! I sent her a message back "Aww, I love you too. Thanks, sweetheart. (Hugs)." Seriously, that totally made the rest of my day and I'm not sure how many people I told about it. Totally and completely random text from a 17-year-old just to say she loves you...I am so blessed!

Then, I texted her after school to let her know I needed to be at work at 6:45 the next morning, so probably nice for her she wasn't staying the night (you know, since I wasn't allowed to ask her to do anything, even though we told her mom there was another soccer game since we won).  She texted back wondering if she could come over if she called her mom to ask. Her mom said sure (without talking to me at all) and she was here when I got home from work. I got off late and it looked kind of stormy, so we decided to skip the game (she was working on a project anyway). I texted her mom to let her know that we weren't going to the game, but I'd bring her home after dinner. She called me and said that was fine as long as I had her home by 10. I texted when we were on our way, she said thanks and all was well for the day...neither of us complained about the overnight change, but at least I wasn't the one who asked to do something with the teen!

Today, I texted the teen before I left work to make sure she was heading home. She said yes and forwarded me the text from her mom that told her "Straight home. Got it." Yep, and I got it too... She and I texted for quite a while so I made sure she didn't miss her bus and I was procrastinating mowing my lawn (that's what she told me I was doing anyway...she knows me too well!) She texted me "This lady came up to me and said the Spirit of the Lord is telling me you're meant to be a nurse". That cracked me up (and her too) because she has been telling me that she's freaked out by seeing peoples' veins...she totally doesn't want to be a nurse, although she does have a caregiver/protector personality. I told her that maybe the lady just had her signals crossed and she was just feeling my presence in the teen's heart...ha!

I guess we both shall see what tomorrow holds. She needs to/wants to finish her required service hours on Saturday, but hasn't signed up yet. I'll probably at least need to help with transportation for that. I think I'll have tickets to another baseball game next week, so we'll need to get permission for that. But, in between times, I guess we'll just wait and see what happens...there HAVE been days when her mom randomly tells her to come over here. I won't be holding my breath, but we are taking each moment as it comes and hanging out/giving her some reprieve from the craziness whenever we can :)

Good night.