Change Is Coming

Last Wednesday afternoon, I got a call from the Principal at my high school (also where "the teen" is a Senior...wow!). One of the Juniors (I'm going to call her Ivy) lost her mom right before Thanksgiving. She was a single mom whose parents had helped raise Ivy until they both died within the last two years. Her mom had one sister who is also deceased. It sounds like all she has is one first cousin (who lives 1200 miles away and has a baby with a brain tumor) and a couple second cousins, none of which are all that close. One of her second cousins became her Guardian and took her in while her mom was sick (she died within 5 weeks of finding out she had cancer). Unfortunately, his wife has a mental illness and lashed out at Ivy early last week and gave him an ultimatum that either Ivy goes or she does. Ivy has been living with her friend from school whose parents are going through a divorce. So, she needs a place to live and someone to love on her and help her "grow up"...and my name came up in conversations at the school. I said "sure" (of course!) and met Ivy last Friday. She actually was pretty open about herself and what had been going on (even though she is shy and likely a bit "socially awkward" among her peers). They were planning to give her a couple of options and let her decide.

Unfortunately, it hasn't been that simple. Because I am a foster parent (who has current placement), anyone over the age of 16 living here must have a background check. I COMPLETELY understand the rationale behind that, but background checks have been taking up to two months in my State. That is way too long for this girl to wait :( After some disheartening words from my mom and sister (both of them asked if I would get "paid" as their first response upon hearing her story...I wondered how it is that I am related to them :( ), my parents said that Ivy could stay with them until her background check is done and she can "officially" live with me. I talked to my caseworker today and she said that once it's in the works, she can hang out here and maybe even stay the night, I just can't leave her alone with Zoe and can't/shouldn't broadcast that she is "living" here. Of course, she still has to "choose" my home as where she wants to be, but things seem to be headed in that direction. I am meeting with her Guardian tomorrow to see what he thinks.

So, if you could be in prayer for her and for me as this will be quite an adjustment. I haven't yet told the teen that "her" room will no longer be "hers"...even though she hasn't stayed the night here in nearly three months. I have barely talked to her since Zoe came to live here, but did get to see her briefly last Monday. I hope she will be "ok" with it and understand that I will always be here for her and my door will always be open (and I have plenty of other places to sleep!)

Zoe is doing great. I (with the help of her teacher!) have kind of "chubbed" her up which is awesome! It is really important for kids with cystic fibrosis to have extra calories (and extra weight) to help fight off infections and grow :) She doesn't eat that well for her mom, but her mom also still struggles with her behavior during treatments (behavior that isn't seen when anyone else does them). The next hearing is January 15 and my guess is there will be enough information for them to send her to live with her aunt (or at least "give it the old college try"...I hope she does well, but I'm not convinced she can/will do all it takes to keep Zoe healthy).

We got pictures taken a couple of weeks ago and I got the disc back on Sunday. I don't "love" the way I look in most of them, but there are a couple that are "bloggable" which made me really excited. I wish I could post others because they turned out great, but at least I can post one or two :)

I'll try to be a better blogger ;) I need to do my "One Word  365" wrap up post!

Dodged a Bullet

Quick update to say that Zoe did not go live with her aunt today. The worker told me a week ago Saturday that it would be a "no go". However, when she arrived at court today (shortly after me), I was made aware of the fact that she was going to recommend placement with the aunt today...say what?! As if I wasn't already anxious/stressed out enough! I definitely think her aunt would be more capable of caring for Zoe than her mom will ever be (I'm not convinced her mom will ever be able to parent her), however she hasn't been involved in any visits or participated in any cares in the three months I've had Zoe. Today was the first time the caseworker observed Zoe in the care of her mom and she has never visited me when Zoe was here (I just realized that today and it made me even more upset about the way things have been going with this case!)

Thankfully, the hearing was a two-parter with mom's adjudication first and then discussion of placement with the aunt (which I was told was a sure thing, much to my dismay...there were lots of Our Fathers and Hail Marys being said by me throughout the hearing). The Judge appeared highly irritated with the mom as it was like pulling teeth to get her to answer yes or no to his questions about her plea of "no contest" to the charges and had to ask things multiple ways, multiple times for a straight answer. So, when it came to the family placement portion and the GAL said he wasn't in support of it, he was "done" and said that would have to be discussed in a hearing at a later date. Wow, completely dodged a bullet!

He did address me, which I knew he was going to do, but still freaked me out. I told him that Zoe's mom continues to be non compliant with her diet and treatments and her aunt has not been involved in any of her cares. I said I was concerned because she has not been well since she has been with me and her cares are a LOT! I also said she was a fun girl :) My hands were shaking for a long time after I spoke, but my worker said I did fine. She and I talked to the GAL for a little longer after the hearing and I may send him an email too. Apparently, her aunt has a job from 3:45 PM-12:45 AM and Zoe goes to school from 9-4. So, there is a huge question in my mind and my caseworkers about who is really going to be caring for Zoe and her specialized needs. Obviously, the ducks are not all in a row and I'm thankful that some how the Judge was able to see that.

Even though her mom tried to refuse to do her treatments at the day care (because it smells there), the caseworker said it was not an option. I'm glad she finally observed some of what has been seen by others during visits. Now, I need to get her to come to my house and see what it's like here (and "suggest" she observe the aunt-Zoe-mom interactions too).

So, she is with me at least until the next court hearing. My guess is that it won't happen until January, but there have been a lot of crazy things in this case, so it wouldn't be surprising if they "magically" got a hearing in the next couple of weeks. Even though her mom is convinced I am trying to steal her for my own, I'm really not...I just want her to be given the care she needs to reach her highest potential. I think the life expectancy for people with cystic fibrosis is now into the 30s and 40s, but likely only for people who are compliant with their treatment plans.

Until the next time...

Trying to Trust

Tomorrow morning, Zoe's mom goes to court. Even though the caseworker (confidentially) told me that they are not recommending Zoe go live with her aunt at this time, I still have no idea how it is going to go. Her reasoning when we spoke last weekend was because of the aunt being "undocumented". While that's all fine and dandy because I don't think Zoe should leave my home any time soon, I don't like that immigration status is the reason. The reasons should be the fact that her aunt has not been involved in her cares and her mom is still being non-compliant with her treatment, medications, and diet.

I pushed for her mom to be able to do her evening treatment and administer medications at the day care Monday through Friday at the end of her visits (which are Monday through Friday from 4-8 after she goes to school from 9-4 which totally sucks in my opinion). Zoe is completely out of control and the treatments that take 30-45 minutes take 60-90 minutes for her with Zoe screaming and crying the entire time. Thursday, her mom tried to refuse to do the treatment and I told the worker that her visit needed to ended early then, so mom threw a tantrum, but did the treatment. Friday, her mom basically threw a tantrum at the day care saying that it smelled (to be honest, it did...it is a day care for kids with special needs) and took Zoe into the bathroom for 30 minutes in the middle of her treatment. She also purposefully used the wrong nebulizer for her antibiotic which is unacceptable in my opinion. She has said she will not do treatments at the day care any more (and wants to do them at her house...I am really stressed that they are going to let her even though her noncompliance and lack of parental authority is what got her into this situation to begin with and it is not at all in Zoe's best interest for that to happen...I don't even think that her aunt should be the one to do the supervising because that sounds like a recipe for disaster with Zoe's health at stake).

So, I'm really struggling with trust, even though I'm constantly reminding myself to trust God (and the system) and telling myself to let go of what is out of my control, I'm still having a hard time. I'm also trying really hard to get rid of all my "f-bombs" before court tomorrow and find some better words if the Judge asks me what I think. My dream would be for her to stay in my care and them to change visits to a couple of times a week so we have more time together to work on things like her speech, listening skills, vocabulary, and be able to do fun things like go look at Christmas lights or see the big tree at the museum. Right now, she is gone every night until late and I barely have time to get her a snack, a bath, and a book before it's after 9:00 (or 9:45!)

Your prayers (or good thoughts) are welcome. I just want what's best for her. Cystic Fibrosis is a horrible disease and I'm afraid her life span has already been shortened due to the persistent noncompliance in her first 4 1/2 years of life. In the 12 weeks she has been with me, she has been on oral antibiotics for 6 weeks anda inhaled antibiotics for 5 weeks. She has had to increase her treatments from twice a day to three times a day for about 5 weeks too due to illness. The Pulmonologist told me that she will likely need to be hospitalized if she gets sick again, which is a possibility with cold and flu season about to come.

Hopefully I'll have time to update tomorrow (I'll for sure post something on twitter when I know something @ iloveblogs44 )