Another Day

I like to listen to the music on my iPod when I take a shower and while I'm getting ready. (I used to like to listen to it on my computer when my speakers were working while I cooked and cleaned...since my speakers didn't work the past two months, I didn't cook OR clean! ha ha!) Anyway, today while I was getting ready, the song "Another Day" sung by Natalie Grant started playing. I REALLY like that song, and while I was singing along, I paid extra attention to the lyrics. How appropriate, I was thinking, especially after what I wrote about last night. Here are the lyrics, with my "favorite parts" highlighted.

Another Day by Natalie Grant

Been driving through the night

I pull up and see the lights

This is the place that I call home

I watch you as you sleep

Think of all you mean to me

Touch your face

Kiss you softly

Before I go to sleep

I pray under the stars

Search my soul and check my heart and

thank God for Another day

Another chance to love the ones I love

To find my way

To laugh, to dance

Watch the sun come up

Another day I get to live

As if Every breath could be the last I take

I get another day
I've got a hand that I can hold

Someone who knows my soul

A safe place to lay my head at night

So why do I forget

How much I've been blessed in life

Forget what means the most to me

As I'm waking up again I feel my beating heart

So grateful that I've come this far and

thank God for Another day

Another chance to love the ones I love

To find my way

To laugh, to dance

Watch the sun come up

Another day I get to live

As if Every breath could be the last I take

I get another day
To make somebody smile

Go the extra mile

Take a wrong and make it right

And try to touch somebody's life

I get another day

What I did NOT know was that not long before I was listening to this song, a little girl I know was taking her last breath here on Earth...she will not have "another day" here. (I found out when I went to work to take that test this afternoon.) I was SHOCKED, to say the least! This girl was up on my unit yesterday smiling and happy (or, at least she looked that way when I saw a nurse holding her up at the desk). Overnight she got sicker, and she died this morning. Now, to be fair, she was a "chronically sick" child, not an "otherwise healthy" one, so I SUPPOSE there is always the chance of this happening, but it still seems SO unexpected and "crazy". I feel kind of "wrong" that I didn't even really get teary-eyed when I heard. Maybe it was the "shock factor", or maybe it's because I KNOW she is in a MUCH better place. Her home life was not the greatest, so a home in Heaven will be perfect (as it will be for all of us!). Of course, I would NEVER think that any parent should see their child die, but somehow, this time it seems easier to understand God's decision to take her back at such a young age. In some situations, it is VERY helpful to remember that there are fates worse than death...especially when you believe in Heaven. While it seems this little girl could have touched MANY more lives had she been given more days, and those who loved her will miss her dearly, she is now free from illness and playing with all of the other kids I know there in Heaven.

Anyway, I was blessed with another day, so here I sit and type...at my mom and dad's. Apparently, my computer is having issues (I'm telling you, my computer was NOT broken until I gave it to the IT guys at my mom's work!). So, another day has gone by without my computer. HOPEFULLY it will get shipped tomorrow! I'm not sure if I'll make it to mom and dad's tomorrow to use their computer. My one class is "scheduled" to be from 8-5, but someone told me today that it could be over by 3. If that is the case, then I will have some time before my other class that starts at 6.

Good night (going home to watch "Medium"...hopefully it doesn't freak me out as much as last week!).

Kicked Out

So, a little before 10:00 last night, my mom comes and stands by me at the computer and just looks. Apparently, she wanted to go to bed, and I needed to leave before she did that. I was rather rude and said something close to "well, it's YOUR fault my computer isn't even gone yet". Of course, it isn't REALLY her fault, but if I had known "backing up the files" was going to be such a huge ordeal, I would have figured out how to do it myself. As I write this, my computer STILL has not been shipped, so I'm afraid the countdown hasn't even begun. What I SHOULD have said to my mom was that this is my "journalling" and I NEED to journal...so sorry if it is late at night, but this is probably going to be a nightly thing until my computer is back in my possession! If there were another option, I would take it, but I can't think of one (I don't think my mom and dad would let me "borrow" their desk top for a week or two...).

Anyway, I'm sort of "stalling" because I REALLY do need to study for this class tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to be able to fix my mom and dad's printer, and the library close to me is closed on Mondays, so I'll probably end up at the hospital to use the computer there.

I'll probably end up writing again today, since tomorrow I may not make it to mom and dad's. I have my "PALS" (Pediatric Advanced Life Support) class from 7:45-5:15, and then my first foster parent class from 6-9. Talk about information overload!

Laurie and Marcie...thanks for encouraging me and my writing. I'm glad you two think I'm interesting :o) Marcie, I do read Nate's blog, but have only commented once or twice...the possibility of a million people coming to read what I write REALLY freaks me out. (When I overheard the surgeon talking about the adult donor yesterday morning, I did think about Tricia, even though my hospital is pretty far away from her, and the organs are typically distributed regionally.) That's why I spend most of my time "lurking" and rarely commenting...I know that leaving comments can lead to more visitors which is good in some ways (like "meeting" really neat people!), , but I have also seen how unkind people can be. Laurie, I talked to the mom of my little A-patient just a little bit ago. We had to take care of a little business (I shipped some of her stuff back that couldn't go on the med flight), but we chatted for about 15 minutes. I'm SO happy they are home and enjoying life :o) I think it is funny that you are "hiding" your computer time from your husband...I'm thinking my mom now knows that when I say I spend a lot of time on the computer during my days off, I mean it!

Okay, TOTALLY stalling...I've been writing this for over 20 minutes...time to read!
Have a great day!

Laid back

Those two words do not describe me at all...I am "Type A to the Max", but I'm trying to do better! (I also couldn't think of a title for this post, and that sounded like a fun one!)

So, I had my few weeks of getting to work "super early" to pick my "super special A-team patient" (even though that was mostly for my benefit because it doesn't seem like anyone would have tried to fight me...unfortunate for them, but true). Since then, I have decided that I should "lay low", show up pretty close to start time, and take whatever I get. That seems to be working quite well for me. On Friday, I did "pick" one of my kids (after it had already been decided which "side" I would be on), and ended up having a really easy day. Today, my assignment was pretty much chosen for me and I was actually a little bored (spent quite a bit of time on the computer getting my "blog fix"). At least I can say that it wasn't MY fault that everyone else was busy because they chose their assignments AND mine! :o) Tomorrow I am off, but I need to study for my advanced life support class I have on Tuesday (I'm a little freaked out by it, so need to make sure I'm prepared!).

Last week, I took care of a little baby who was very sick and in need of a transplant. I found out today that a donor was found for the baby over the weekend. My heart just didn't know what to feel when I heard that. I knew that the donor had to have been a little baby too, and my heart immediately thought about the baby of a fellow nurse here in town (as far as I know now, that baby is still alive). Rarely do I let my mind go to the place where the organs for these babies come from. It is much "easier" celebrating the potential for a better life with the recipients and remembering the donor families in my prayers, without thinking about what happened to make them donors. It made me very sad today to think that something equally as tragic could have happened to the baby who gave new life to another baby who was dying. I really don't like thinking about this, and am tempted to delete this part because it seems kind of morbid, but it is on my heart, so I will leave it. Today, I also overheard one of the surgeons on the phone talking about a potential donor...someone about my age...motor vehicle accident. So sad, but yet, those families who "get the call" today will have hope for a better life. Organ donation is SUCH an amazing gift. I have seen SO many lives be changed for the better because someone chose to "give life" at the worst time of their lives. As one mom told me--you don't pray for someone else's child to die so yours may live...you pray that if someone is faced with the choice to donate their child's organs or not, they choose yes. Okay, enough with the "deep thoughts" for today!

As this month comes to a close, I'd like to do a little "shout out" to the four people who have left comments on my blog in March. Prior to the month of March, I had received comments from SIX other people (that was in TEN MONTHS!). Of course, that is mostly my fault for making this an anonymous blog and having a not-very-exciting life, but as I have written before, I would rather have no comments than one unkind one!

So, to Laurie...thanks for being a faithful visitor to my blog. Your kind words are much appreciated, and I'm looking forward to being blessed by more of your "words of wisdom". You haven't commented today...where are you?! I'm the one who is supposed to be lost without a computer, but you are gone too!

To Jody...thanks for leaving a comment on my blog the first time you visited...I'm really bad at "lurking", but I do pray for the people whose blogs I visit, whenever I visit (even if it is 10 times a day on my really "bored" days off work when I don't want to do anything but sit at the computer!). Thanks for sharing your story.

To Tasha...thanks for your prayers for the baby. I haven't read any of the posts on your blog yet, but promise to leave at least one comment so you know I've been there (see above comment...I'm a "lurker" by nature!).

To Marcie...wow, you went WAY back and read a LOT of my posts! You must have been VERY bored to spend that much time reading about me :o) I like what you said about "defending Catholics"...I appreciate that! Yes, I DID visit Laguna Beach when I was in California. That is where I met my friend when we were 10 years old, so it was really fun to go back there 18 years later (even though it wasn't a very warm day!). And, if ONLY my mom knew what I was doing right now on her computer (at least since my computer is gone right now, I can't post any photos of her!). I'll be sure say hello when I come visit your blog.

So, it is about 9:30 and my parents are headed to bed. This whole not having my computer at my house thing REALLY stinks! Their printer also does not work, so I probably will have to go to work tomorrow to do the test for my class on Tuesday (either that or the library...SO annoying!). I suppose I should go home and do some studying, so I will have time tomorrow to do other things (like, read blogs!).

Good night from mom and dad's. (now, I have to see how this whole changing text colors throughout this post worked out...hopefully I won't have to do any "editing!")

Getting Better

Yay! Right now, my biggest "complaint" is having a sore neck and shoulders from sleeping so much! Nothing a little Tylenol can't help (or maybe a different pillow!). Last night, I got to coughing quite a bit and this morning I still felt pretty cruddy, but now my nose isn't running too much, and I only cough occasionally (and, while it is a lot deeper cough than what I had yesterday, at least it doesn't feel like my eyes are going to pop out or like a hammer is hitting my forehead from the inside anymore!). Thank goodness for 12-hour shifts and four days off a week...they couldn't have come at a better time!

My mom cooked brunch this morning for my sister, brother-in-law, and me. My sister made "cheese eggs", and my mom made French toast, some kind of blueberry strudel thing, and monkey bread...can you say sugar overload?! It was pretty darn yummy though :o) She also made some green tea, and I made a really bad pot of coffee, but drank a bit of it anyway. I hung out "here" for a while after that, trying to take care of some of my Internet "needs" :o)

After that, I went to exchange a shirt I bought a week or two ago (I got a plain light pink shirt and was about to hang it up with the three other light pink shirts I had and decided that COULD be one too many light pink shirts!). I spent about thirty minutes talking to a friend on the phone who I hadn't talked to in months. She used to work at my hospital, but changed jobs and we haven't been able to "connect" recently. It was GREAT visiting with her! I stopped by a couple garage sales and ended up getting a REALLY cool jacket for my dad. Oh how I wish I had my computer so I could post a picture of it! My dad is CRAZY and loves to dress in very crazy clothes when he coaches (the girls love it!). He has shoes in every color in the rainbow (so he can match all his crazy shirts!). He absolutely LOVED the jacket (it is cashmere and wool, and actually women's)...I'm thinking you may be able to call the color "kiwi". Not bad at all for $3! We watched the "Florida Derby" together before I went to church (we LOVE to watch horse races together!).

That's my day in a nutshell. I'm doing okay with using my mom and dad's computer, but it may drive me crazy that once I leave here (after I finish typing this), there will be no more Internet until some time at work tomorrow, or after I get off! I'm still rather annoyed that my computer won't even get SHIPPED until Monday afternoon sometime...that probably gets it to Texas on Wednesday and THEN they have to get around to doing whatever work is necessary, and then ship it back to me...argh! I can't even think about it!

Thanks for the prayers for the baby and her family. There have not been any media updates today that I can find (I'm glad that the media is giving the family privacy). The parents did make a statement last evening to say thank you to the community for their support and asking for continued thoughts and prayers.

I suppose I should go home...I haven't been there all day (except to take a REALLY long bath...I think I forgot to mention that I did that! It was REALLY nice!). I need to read a book for my CPR class I take on Tuesday. I hear there is a pre-test I have to take as well.

Good night from Mom and Dad's. :o)

P.S. I just realized THIS is POST #175!! AND, I STILL don't really have anything to say! But, thanks to those of you who come and read anyway! :o)

Terrible Patient

Nope, not one of the kiddos...

not because of the parents of one of the kiddos...

that terrible patient would be ME!

Oh thank GOD He made me a generally healthy person...the poor, poor folks who would have to deal with me if I were not. This little cold of mine and you would think I had been run over by a truck (although, I sure do feel like that, especially after working a 12-hour shift!). I was sniffling, and wiping away drips of snot, trying not to cough because that action shot pain through my forehead and eyes, drinking glass upon glass of water, sucking on Jolly Ranchers to try and prevent any coughing...I was a MESS (and I am SURE a rather annoying person to work with)! By the end of the shift, my eyes were watering and I had dark circles under my eyes...and THIS being AFTER I spent the last two days in bed! Oh my goodness...SUCH drama! At one point, one of the little kiddos was doing a bit of whining and I was like "aww, you're okay..." then, I thought, well, you DID have a super high fever and have an infection in your blood, and you probably have chronic stomachaches...okay, I'll stop my complaining for a little bit! :o) Boy oh boy, I hope this cold is gone by Sunday or God be with whoever has to work with me!

So, I had a meltdown AFTER getting home from work regarding my computer. Apparently, it seems to be running a bit too slow for the IT people at my mom's work. So, the EARLIEST it will be shipped is Monday. Now, this seems QUITE ridiculous to me that it would take so long. I wish I would have just copied my photos to a CD myself and be done with it. I REALLY do not think it would be that hard, or take that long (of course, then I would only have myself to blame if the computer came back without any files and I messed up on backing them up...). I am SO frustruated with the whole situation...I suppose "beggars can't be choosers", but I wouldn't have BEGGED if I had known it would take this long (I would have CHOSE to do it myself!). I feel pretty silly crying over a stupid computer, especially with what I will write about next, but it really DID make me cry (and, unfortunately, probably will not be the only day I cry about not having my computer...).
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Prayer Request (Laurie, this is probably mostly for you, since you are the only one I know who reads my blog): Last summer when I was an extra in a movie, I met another nurse who works in the hospital. She works on an adult unit, but also cares for transplant patients. At the time, she was pregnant with her first child and very excited (of course!). I saw her at the movie premier with her husband, and she said that she had had a little girl. Today, I found out that her baby (now 4 months old) had been taken to another hospital in the city with life-threatening injuries. Apparently, the baby-sitter admitted to punching the baby and slamming her head into the wall. There have been no media updates of the baby's condition, but I am sure she will have a long road ahead of her, if she is able to survive these terrible injuries. Please keep this baby, and her family in your prayers.
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With that, I think I should go back home (at mom and dad's using their computer) and go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day...I'm planning to be there :o)
Good night.

Let the Countdown Begin

Today was "Day 1" without my lap top. It actually spent the day in the IT department at my mom's work. One of the guys there is backing up my files for me. So, it actually won't get shipped until tomorrow. Then, they probably won't work on it until Monday. I have no idea when I will have it back! In the meantime, I will have to stay "in the loop" either from mom and dad's, the library, or work. Can I spell a-d-d-i-c-t-e-d?! Oh well, what do ya do?!

It actually worked out that I didn't have my computer because then I actually took a nice long nap. I think I slept for at least three hours this afternoon. I'm hoping that will make my cold disappear as quickly as it came. I also did a load of laundry, and picked up a few things around my living room.

Tonight, I'm helping with a fundraiser at my high school. I have to be there in about 20 minutes, so I should check on my "peeps" before I need to leave. Back to work tomorrow...hopefully without a drippy nose.

Whatever will I do?

Today I received the box to ship my lap top off to Texas to get fixed. I'm wondering what I will do without my computer here at my house! Maybe I can do some organizing, cleaning, scrapbooking, reading, letter writing, walking, running, cooking, SOMETHING! Actually, I'll probably be doing quite a bit of working...I'm scheduled to work Friday, Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Monday...and hopefully I'll have it back by then! I also have class all day Tuesday. So, there is a teeny tiny possibility I won't notice it is gone...although highly unlikely! I'm sure I'll end up making daily visits to mom and dad's to "check on my people" (and maybe even sneak a peek or two during a "break" at work...).

I ended up being "on call" until I had enough of that and called at 5:00 to see if I could go do something besides hang out close to home. I guess they were pretty busy at work, but didn't feel like calling me in because things didn't start getting "crazy" until about 4:00...oh well, I was pretty much ready to go (although VERY happy that I didn't end up having to go!). I did take a walk to the post office and grocery store. I talked to a friend on the phone for over an hour as we discussed a birthday gift we were going to have shipped to a mutual friend. I took a short nap before meeting up with my friend to go for another 3 mile walk. I had supper with my parents.

My nose continues to alternate between stuffy (one nostril only...annoying!) and drippy (again, only one nostril...crazy!). I did take some Claritin, so hopefully will be able to sleep well. I'm happy that I don't feel any worse than I did earlier. I hope that means that this cold (or allergies or whatever it is) isn't planning to stick around for long.

Good night!

I didn't say it

...but I WAS thinking it...

and hoping that as long as it wasn't spoken, I would be "safe"...

Last week, I was thinking (it wasn't the first time I was thinking it, but the most recent time) that as far as I can remember, I didn't get so much as a "sniffle" or "tiny little cough" throughout the fall or winter. I managed to stay VERY healthy, even with colds and the flu running rampant around the hospital. At times, it seemed like EVERYONE got sick but me (it did help that the week we had an abundance of influenza patients was the week I was in California!). I decided that I was meant to stay healthy because throughout much of that time, I had friends with kids in the hospital. If I had been feeling even the tiniest bit sick, I would not have been able to visit them as frequently, or at all (because the LAST thing I would want to do is compromise their health!). So, I was thinking that I was protected from illness so I could be a good friend :o) Or, maybe because I'm not a very good patient and probably rather annoying to everyone if I don't feel well, so it was for the "greater good" that I remained "sickness free".

In any case, yesterday afternoon I started with a stuffed up nose. I went to bed with a bit of a sore throat and some "sinus pressure". Thankfully, I got a "lovely" phone call at 5:45 putting me "on call" for the day. So, I stayed in bed until nearly noon, which I am sure was VERY helpful in the "healing" process, although I still have a stuffy/runny nose and slightly sore throat! Now, I'm hoping that I can just stay home because blowing my nose every five minutes at work would be SUPER annoying. I'm wondering if it is a slight case of allergies after spending so much time outdoors yesterday. I can handle allergies (I think!). Well, I'm off to take a nice hot shower in hopes of ridding myself of any "toxins" (I should probably vacuum my house as well...I'm sure the dust won't help if indeed this is allergy related).

Enough of the whining...off to try and "heal myself" with some water and singing :o)

Out and About

So, my house stays a mess, but at least I didn't spend the day sitting and staring at it! I was "out and about" and it was "super fun" :o)

I went to a lecture this morning at the hospital from 8-9. It was about nurses' work environment/patient safety. I was hoping I could get continuing education credit, but guess it was just "FYI". It was interesting, I guess, and SUPPOSE it was an okay use of my time, although some extra sleep would have been nice too! Oh well, at least I got a cinnamon roll and coffee out of the deal!

After the talk, I went to pick up a book for a class I'm taking next week. I was in the building where my friend in media relations works. So, since I was just two floors below, I decided to "pop up" and see if she happened to be in her office (and, if not, then I would leave a note or something). When the elevator opened, there she was, about to get on my elevator to go down (there are THREE elevators in that area, so this was a pretty crazy "coincidence"!). She was going to drive a co-worker's car to a parking lot a couple blocks away and walk back. Since I didn't have any plans, I decided to go along. So, we had a nice visit on the short drive and walk back. I'm SO happy I "ran into" her, especially since I wanted to talk to her about something that happened last week, and it was MUCH nicer to "chat" in person than over the phone :o) She is a fun friend to have (I think it is cool having a friend who works with the "media"...I think she likes having a friend who is a nurse!).

I went to Curves after that. I ended up "closing the place" (they close at 11). I am friends with the lady who works there in the mornings. She and I visited for quite a while when I was the only one there. That was fun too :o)

It was SUCH a nice day that I thought I should go for a walk. However, I decided to call the place where I bought my computer from because I've been having "issues" with the sound for a couple months, and also think my battery is bad. I discovered yesterday that my warranty is good for another 2 years, so I thought I should see if anything was covered. That ended up being quite a lengthy conversation with the "tech support guy". He helped me do a couple things that should make my computer run a little faster. He tried to help me "troubleshoot" the sound problem, but it seems to be a speaker issue. So, I am going to have to ship my laptop away to be fixed. I am NOT sure what I will do without it for up to two weeks, but am trying not to think about that TOO much tonight! :o)

So, I ended up NOT going on a walk at that time, and took a short nap instead before FINALLY taking a shower. I had a meeting at the hospital from 3-5:30. One of my friends is on the committee with me, so we talked about going to dinner after the meeting. Once the meeting was over, though, we thought we should enjoy the nice weather. We ended up going on a walk...probably close to THREE MILES! It was SO nice and WE had a nice visit! We went to our favorite place to eat (although I decided to try something different and it wasn't a good choice). Neither of us felt TOO guilty with our huge milkshakes for dessert since we DID go for quite a walk!

What a FUN day I had! I did LOTS of talking (three friends "in person", one "tech guy" on the phone, another friend over the phone, an email or two...) AND quite a bit of "working out".

The weather was SO great...I hope spring has arrived (although, I'm not holding my breath, I actually heard someone say the word "snow" today, so we shall see). I signed up to work an extra shift at the hospital tomorrow, but was hoping they wouldn't need me so I could enjoy another beautiful day off. I just called, though, and someone has already called in sick. So, "best case scenario", I will be "on-call". If they get a lot of patients, or if someone else calls in sick, then to work I will go. I'm pretty tired after all the working out and being outside. It's also quite a bit later than I usually stay up when I have to work, so I should quit the typing and get ready for bed!

Good night (hoping I get to sleep later than 5:30!).

Falling asleep

Well, I'm practically falling asleep sitting up, so probably should just go to bed! However, I thought I could muddle through a couple sentences to talk about today. I made it back to work...finally!...thankfully, I didn't have to work TOO hard, although that may have made it easier to stay awake. After SO many days of sleeping in and/or taking naps, having to stay awake for an entire day is TOUGH! Good thing I have tomorrow off (although, I must have had a crazy moment one of my days off last week and decided I could attend a speaker tomorrow morning at 8AM...that will be fun!).

When I got home, I "made dinner" (if you can call cooking noodles and adding cheese "making dinner). Then, I talked to a friend on the phone. My absolute bestest friend from college and we hadn't visited in WAY WAY too long! She has lots of exciting things happening in her life and I'm SO happy for her! I'm going to figure out how I can come visit her this fall.

My eyes are getting crossed, so I should stop here. Although, I AM a tiny bit nervous about going to sleep..."Medium" is my favorite show, but tonight's episode was quite disturbing and "creepy" (I actually freaked myself out enough that I'm not going to take my garbage out tonight, and hope that I can get it out before they come in the morning!). I guess I'll either go to sleep listening to Jay Leno or to the radio and pray for sweet dreams :o)

Good night!

Happy Easter!

Just nine days ago, I thought that my Easter weekend would consist of working, not being able to go to church, and an abbreviated dinner with my immediate family following my second of three shifts in a row. I was not looking forward to it at all. My how things can change, and I am VERY grateful. My manager ended up giving me yesterday off, so I was able to have lunch with my mom's parents and some extended family. I was also able to attend the Easter vigil Mass. This morning, I received a call that I could have the day off. This meant that I was able to have brunch with my dad's parents, my mom, dad, and sister. I then was able to have lunch with some family that was there yesterday, but we were able to visit a LOT longer today. I had dinner with my mom, dad, sister, and brother-in-law (we didn't get any photos this evening, but did take quite a few during the day...so, I decided to make a slide show of all the Easter photos I had on my camera). So, I went from thinking Easter was going to be pretty sad to having lots and LOTS of family time! It was great (except for the end of the evening when I teased me mom a bit too much and hurt her feelings...I apologized, but we didn't leave in that great of terms...I suppose there is always a potential for "drama" at family gatherings...I feel badly that it happened, but it's done and we will move on...early to bed for both of us at our separate homes.)

Lots of things to be thankful for this Easter day. I am SO blessed.

Now I REALLY need to go back to work tomorrow! I may have forgotten how to do my job, it has been so long! I better get back into the swing of things before my student nurse comes to try and learn from me! Good night!

Are you done whining?!

I'm wondering if God is asking me that this morning. If HE isn't, then there are a lot of people I have been in contact the past few weeks who are at least thinking it.

ALL these weeks of complaining about having to work Easter. The "drama" of getting yesterday off. And then, a WONDERFUL phone call at 5:00 in the morning (probably the ONLY good thing that could happen with a phone call at 5:00 in the morning!). Would I like to be "on-call" for the day, with the likelihood of being called in very slim. Why of COURSE I would LOVE to sleep in and then spend as much of the day with my family as possible!!

So, I didn't get up until after 9:30, I decided to stop getting ready for the day long enough to type these few words. I believe we will be headed to my grandparents' house this morning, possibly for brunch (I didn't pay attention to the details planned for today since I wasn't planning on being able to attend and it was easier to handle if I didn't know what kind of fun they were going to have).

So, HAPPY HAPPY EASTER!! More on the fun-filled excitement of my day off later :o)

Not TOO bad!

I did NOT sleep well last night at all! Maybe that was "payback" for all those seemingly "extra" hours I have been sleeping. I tossed and turned ALL night long, but DID manage to get up by 9:00 so I could get ready for the day.

We made it to my aunt's around noon (she lives about 60 miles from where I live). There was a TON of VERY yummy food. It especially seemed like a lot, considering there actually were only seventeen of us for lunch, which is a SMALL gathering for our family. There are twenty-one grandkids on my mom's side of the family, so it was REALLY fun when we were younger (the first 10 are granddaughters, I am the oldest...those early days were CRAZY!). My mom and I left a little before 3:00 since she had other plans, so it was a short visit. The four "big girls" did hide some Easter eggs around the living room/kitchen for the three "little boys" (it was WAY too cold to do anything outside...we even had some freezing rain!). So, I guess it wasn't bad. Us older girls decided that we didn't really like being "grown up" though, and were wishing the little boys had the same kind of holiday experiences we did. I guess you just create new traditions and make the best of each moment spent together. It's all about perspective :o)

Cousins (9 of the 21 grandkids)

Mom and me

Silly!

Me and my cousin in our

"happy" spring shirts

(even though it was in the 30s or 40s!)

I took a nap after I got home. I ate frozen ravioli "on the go" by myself for supper (while trying to feel sorry for myself! it kind of worked, but not too much!). I went to the Easter vigil which was a really nice service/celebration. I always enjoy that tradition, so VERY happy that it worked out for me to attend (although, actually going to church on Easter Sunday would have been great too!). Well, I suppose I should go to bed since I actually have to get up early for work tomorrow. I'm glad that God knows to constantly place people in my life who remind me to put things into perspective! Whenever I try and whine or complain about something, THERE someone is to remind me that things could be a LOT worse! At least I have a family that I enjoy hanging out with. At least I HAVE a family. At least I live REALLY CLOSE to most of my family. Everyone in my family is healthy, and "basically" happy. Wow, those things are HUGE! AND, on top of all that, Jesus died for ME to save ME...that is what we are remembering and celebrating especially this weekend. Happy Easter!

Good Night!

I don't get it!

I feel like I have been sleeping A LOT this week. And yet, I still feel SO tired. I don't get how I could go to bed last night at 1/1:30 (okay, maybe this isn't such a good example because that is late) and stay in bed until nearly 10:00. That is almost NINE hours of sleeping/resting and it required much effort for me not to lay down for a nap at 1:00 this afternoon (instead I just sat on the couch and watched TV which is ALMOST like napping!). It was the same story yesterday...in bed for nine or so hours, and in "desperate" need for a nap a few hours later. It makes NO sense to me. I can't use the "working 12-hour shifts is really tiring" excuse because I've only worked one in the last WEEK. I can't use the "emotionally exhausted" excuse either because things are pretty good right now. I just don't know, but it is rather annoying (although, maybe I shouldn't complain TOO much because at least if I feel tired, I can just sleep...I could sleep for days and days and no one would care as long as I didn't miss any work). Maybe it's the weather...yeah, blame it on the weather! It has been SO up and down here...60s and sunny one day, 30s and cloudy the next. I don't know, though, I'm not much of an "outdoorsy" person, so it isn't like I'm longing for the outside. I suppose the only thing I COULD try is going to be at a decent hour (like, SOON since it is after 10:00 now).

I had a mini-meltdown this afternoon, which made me think that I SHOULD have taken a nap! I was so upset that I wouldn't even talk to my mom after church. I just left (and cried in my car during the five minute drive home). I guess I had too high of expectations of the "family time" that would occur this weekend. It was a HUGE ordeal for me to get tomorrow off, but it was WORTH IT to me because I thought it mattered to everyone else. I will be going to my aunt's house to see whatever extended family shows up. I probably will ride with my mom, but she isn't going to stay very long because she has "evening plans". My dad is working, so I will not see him at all. My sister and brother-in-law are working, so won't be going to my aunt's, and I will not see them either. Alrighty then, I am SO happy that I used a day of PTO for this. Oh, but I guess I can stop by mom and dad's after I get off on Sunday night and eat whatever is left from their Easter dinner (okay, maybe it won't be THAT bad, but it sure feels like it). It is SO disappointing (I believe I had "issues" at Christmas too, so maybe it's just me). My aunt was able to "console" me some when she told me that she has gotten to a point that whomever shows up for the family gatherings are the ones that matter, not the ones that aren't there (because you can't worry about them!). So, at least a couple of my cousins, aunts, and uncles will be at the "gathering" tomorrow, and I will have fun (even if I have to wear a winter coat during Easter weekend!).

Well, I better sleep so I'm not crabby tomorrow. My "March Madness" bracket got pretty screwed up with the upsets today, so there isn't really a need to stay up "super late" and see who wins these night games! (I have to make sure I get to choir early tomorrow for the vigil Mass...I haven't "made peace" with the new lady and tonight I received quite a few "looks"...I TOTALLY thought she was "tattling" on me to the director, but can't be sure about that! So crazy!)

Choices

I kind of feel like I made a lot of choices today. I probably make a lot of choices every day, but today, that is what I want to write about.

One choice I made that isn't different from most days is to continue to just "look" at the clean laundry that needs to be put away, the papers that need to be sorted, and the other "random things" that need to find a home (and THAT is just what I can see from the couch in my living room). Nope, no cleaning today (except for running the dishwasher...that I did choose to do!).

On Monday when I was at work for my meeting (before I had the "discussion" about the way I communicate), I found out that one of the patients in the PICU had passed away. Now, the hospital where I work probably has more than the average number of deaths simply because many of the kids come to us when they are "dying" because we MAY have something to offer them to give them more time. It is sad, but basically true. Because we have patients from all over the country/world, if they end up passing away, it is either hundreds of miles away at their home, or they return hundreds of miles away to be buried at their home. This tends to make "closure" a little more challenging, so sometimes we have memorial services. I think that is why it was SO important for me to attend the funeral in January, even though that one required a 60 mile drive. I wrote about my struggles with that here , here , and here . Anyway, this particular patient happened to live here with her foster/adoptive family, so I thought maybe I would be able to attend the visitation and/or funeral. While I did not know this child very well, I did take care of her on Christmas, and visited her last Wednesday when I worked in the PICU. Her mom is SUCH a neat lady--she has grown kids, grandkids, is a widow, and has four or five special-needs foster/adopted kids (one passed away the beginning of December). She is SO special, so I decided that I would go to the funeral because of that, and as kind of a hospital representative (because I don't mind funerals or crying in public I guess!). It was a beautiful service, and it did my heart good to be able to attend. I was reminded that it doesn't really matter how many doctors or machines there are, God ultimately decides when our time here is done. To those left behind, it seems she was here an amount time that doesn't quite seem long enough, but her life was a blessing to those who knew her. The lives of many are now changed for having known her.


After that, I chose to sit on my couch at the computer for a very long time. I am pretty embarrased to type this, but it is true, so I will...I believe I spent about TWO HOURS typing a "note" to someone. I'm not sure if it took me that long because I kept trying to find the right words, or if I kept getting distracted, or what the deal was, but I can think of a lot of other things I could have been doing in those two hours! Oh well, I guess it's done, and I made that choice in that the moment (or lots of moments!). I chose NOT to go work out today, but DID take a walk ot the Post Office to mail off my tax stuff, and stopped at the grocery store on the way home to pick up a few things. (Oh, while I was on the computer, I also chose to buy five songs from iTunes...good ones, but still...at 99 cents a song...okay, that's a pretty good deal!)


Probably the most difficult choice I made today was regarding what I would do this evening. I LOVE going to Mass on Holy Thursday. At my church, they "recreate" the washing of the feet, we sing some of my favorite songs, and reflect upon the events The Last Supper leading up to the crucifixion, etc. I have ALWAYS tried to get Holy Thursday off, even if that meant working on Good Friday because it is such a meaningful experience for me. Last night, a friend invited me to attend a basketball game with her tonight. I told her then that I could not, because I had plans to go to church. Overnight, though, I decided that spending time with a friend, and attending these games (that had potential of being a "once in a lifetime kind of deal"...without giving away TOO many details!) could be an "okay" choice. So, I called my friend and told her I would go. We had a REALLY good time, so I suppose I don't really have regrets about the decision.


Now, the BEST choice for me to make right now is to go to bed BEFORE 1:00, and roll out of bed at a more decent hour than say, 10:00. I guess that means I have 20 minutes to "browse my blogs" again before hitting the hay :o)

Good night!

Ready, Set...Nothing

I just KNEW (well, I was REALLY HOPING anyway!) that if I wrote a big long thing about how busy today could be, I would have an uneventful day at work. I can handle "uneventful", although, I did get a little "bored" and you can only check your email SO many times on work computers (and checking on "my blogs" on work time isn't QUITE "kosher", but I did do a little bit of that too). I sat on my behind a lot today, which isn't too much different than what I would have done had I decided to stay at home when they called me at 5AM to see if I was interested. I guess the difference was that I got paid for that! (I will say that I "picked" a good set of patients...the nurse who got "the left-overs" had quite the crazy morning...oops, so sorry, but I DID choose the one who has a um, to put it nicely, "challenging" father!). I guess I'll have to continue to be "on alert" for my "crazy busy day" because it didn't happen today!

Laurie, I LOVE what you wrote about messes! I am TOTALLY going to remember that (and probably share it with my mom!). "Messes are the most patient things I know." How great is that?! It makes me laugh out loud...if this is the case, there is a LOT of patience going on in my house (and not coming from me!)! Thanks also for the photo compliment...my sister would probably die if she knew I posted that photo of her without her hair and make-up done, my mom would freak out because she doesn't want her picture "on the Internet", I have a really crooked smile and that shirt doesn't look quite right (although it is one of my favorites), and my dad, well, that's what he looks like in pictures (except it is still hard seeing him with blond hair...he bleached his black hair blond for my sister's wedding in order to call himself "the Blond Bond"). So, thanks for looking past all that :o) (By the way, have you checked out this blog ? As if you needed another blog to read, but it seems like one you would want to know about.)

Well, that's about it for today...pretty boring day, so not much to journal. I have a sink full of dishes...maybe I should load the dishwasher before I have ice cream for the third night in a row (too bad someone asked me today if I have lost weight...I told her that ACTUALLY the scale yesterday said yes, but I'm trying to eat enough ice cream this week to counteract all that!).

Family Day

On a Tuesday of all days!

This morning, I went to Curves for the first time in about 2 weeks. Much to my surprise, when I stepped on the scale, I actually weighed SIX pounds less than I did 2 months ago! I'm thinking it must have been a fluke (or, if it wasn't, then it probably won't last long seeing as I now have a freezer fully stocked of ice cream courtesy of last nights' cravings!). However, it was nice to see that number, even though it isn't close to my "goal", considering I have been doing quite a bit of "eating out" recently. Oh, did I forget to mention that it was nearly 10:00 by the time I rolled out of bed to GET to the gym?! Ahh, sleep is WONDERFUL!

After that was when my whole "family day" started! I was supposed to meet my mom at work because she was helping me ship some packages (my friend got to go home on Sunday but couldn't get all her stuff on the plane!). We met up for lunch before that and had a nice visit before she had to go back to work. Then, my sister came over and ate HER lunch at my house (She had gotten a pedicure, but my mom and I didn't end up being able to go at the same time so skipped it...maybe next time!). We ALSO had a nice visit, she took the rest of her wedding gifts and other random things from my house (so, now all the junk, clutter, stuff is really ALL MINE...). I also went with her to get her car washed (I guess the car wash freaks her out...she's a bit clausterphobic!). Later, after I took a nice long bath, my dad called me. He was headed to the simulcast horse races. That's one of our favorite things to do together, so I decided to meet him there. He paid for my dinner and we won one race. Not bad (mom also paid for lunch!).

So, needless to say, I didn't make a dent in the list of chores I wrote down yesterday! However, I will say that I feel better saying that my house stays a mess because I spent time with my family rather than the typical "my house is a mess because I like to sit on the couch while watching tv and reading blogs on the computer" (not to say that will not be my excuse the next time I have a day off!). I do spend a lot time on the computer...I should start sending regular emails to my family and friends in between my "blog reading sessions".

Back to work tomorrow. I think it will be a little strange going back when my friend isn't there (even though I'm super SUPER happy she's not!). I have no idea who my patients will be! At least I just work "one day in a row"...I think I can handle ALMOST anything for "just one day"! It will probably be a rude awakening having to actually WORK for a change! It has been a while since I had to run around like a crazy lady (I've been taking care of my little "A-team" patient for the past three weeks or so and that required very little nursing care since her mom does EVERYTHING! I spent MUCH MUCH more time working my mouth than working my behind...I suppose it is time for me to work for my money!). Oh well, like I have said before, I'm not afraid of working hard...and working hard for only ONE day...I am already counting my blessings!

This is actually a pretty BAD family picture,

but it is the most recent one I could find! (I guess

it looks a little better being small like that,

but when I had it bigger...not good at all!)

Mom, Me, Sister, Dad

Off to bed...from what I have written in my last paragraph, I have prepared myself for a very busy day...I can do it! (but a lot better after a full night's rest!)

Hanging Out

That's pretty much what I did today, and it was great!

I slept in, then went to a meeting at work that started at 10. While I was there, I received a phone call from my manager. She decided she wanted to talk to me before I left. I went into "panic mode" for a few minutes (remember me and any kind of conflict are not friends!). Now, I will start by saying that I have a lot of respect for my manager. I think she does a great job of listening and really knows how to get things done (our unit has made some VERY positive changes and she is really pushing the "higher ups" to do even more). She started the conversation by bringing up an "incident" that occurred on Saturday (yes, Laurie, I was "involved" with the whole "mean people suck" thing! Of course!) and kind of approached it in a way that made it sort of my responsibility, while also being open to hearing what I had to say about it. I must say that I handled myself VERY well (typically having a finger pointed in my direction would bring immediate hives and/or tears!)! I am sure it helps that I knew I had done nothing wrong, but I am proud that I was able to defend myself (and sort of protect a friend at the same time) without getting emotional. I think she respected me and my take on the situation more because I stayed calm and was able to express myself and the circumstances clearly (maybe I'm "growing up"!). After it was all said and done, and I was out of the "stressful" situation, all I could do was laugh. It is SO funny that people who knew nothing of what exactly happened got all "bent out of shape" over something that didn't concern them at ALL. It TOTALLY should have been a "non-issue", but I sort of feel like I "won" and should celebrate! I did share the story with my mom, and with my friend, and I had a chocolate milkshake as my evening snack. It was a good day :o)

I did a little laundry, but not a full load, and I didn't put any clothes away (I really should finish what is in the wash before I go to bed so it doesn't sit there all night!). Tomorrow I don't have any plans, although my mom mentioned the possibility of pedicures. I REALLY need to at LEAST do some "picking up" of stuff around the house (and MAYBE even vacuum, or dust, or the dishes, or organize my office, or any number of other things that are waiting to be done). I suppose I should start picking one or two things as goals for my days off and go from there.

That's it...a nice "hanging out" kind of day, but with a tiny bit of "drama" to make it not a boring day.

Here's the "Quote of the Day"--Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. ~Les Brown--That was actually my high school class motto...this year is my "10-year"...I can hardly believe that!

Good night!

Incredibly Blessed

That pretty much sums up how I feel right now. Last night, I experienced something SO beautiful, it just HAD to be God. I believe my heart is forever changed. That is all the explanation/details I am willing to give, but it feels "fabulous", and I am SO grateful!

Of course, prior to that, I had to experience the flat-out "meanness" of a co-worker. This person was SO unkind to my friend and I, that all we could really say was "mean people suck" and try to move on. I am rather proud of myself for being able to actually say to this person "that was not nice at all, it just wasn't nice". As I mentioned in a previous post, confrontations are not my thing. As mentioned, I received my first comment in three months! (I've gotten less than ten in the ten months I've been journaling.) Since I don't get many comments, I will go ahead and address it (this is my "blog" and I can do what I want!) While the whole comment was "super nice", this part made me smile--"I don't do confrontations good either. My head will have it all rehearsed out and then when I open my mouth, it comes out in chinese, if it even comes out at all!! I think it is to our advantage though, leave the fighting up to someone else. I think if our motive is right in our heart, we don't need to defend it. But it is hard." That "hit home" with me because I actually "rehearse" a lot of conversations, and really get thrown for a loop when they don't end up the way I plan them. This is really a good description of what happens to me in confrontations, and it is nice to know that I'm not alone! And, like she says, maybe it's okay to not fight too much (unless it is to protect or defend someone you love, or someone who cannot do it for themselves!).

I stayed up pretty late last night, but didn't have to get up early (11:00 Mass is great!). I did kind of upset one of the newer people in the choir for sitting in "her seat". I guess she started sitting in "my seat" during the weeks I wasn't there. I suppose I should have been flexible, but I've been a member of the choir for ten or eleven years and ALWAYS have sat in that spot! Pretty silly "disagreement", especially at church, but we didn't really end up resolving our "issues" today. In the Catholic Church, today we celebrate Palm Sunday and Passion Sunday. The Mass starts with a joyful celebration of Jesus being welcomed into Jerusalem as king and then transitions into the solemn story of the Last Supper, Judas' betrayal, Peter's denial, and the crucifixion. It is a very holy day in the church, the beginning of "Holy Week". Jesus dying for us, and saving our souls, is the basis of all Christian faiths, so this is a very special time in the church. I was blessed to have today off work, so I could attend the service. I am incredibly blessed that I only have to work on Wednesday this week, so can attend services any of the other days.

I took quite a long nap, and did a couple loads of wash (didn't fold any, put any away, or dry it all, but it was a start!). I went shopping with my mom at my favorite store that was having one of its "super sales". My little patient was able to a hospital closer to home today. I am SO happy for her and her family. As I wrote to her mom in a note last night, "I cannot even BEGIN to imagine how much your family misses you, because I know how much of a difference you have made in my life, and how special you are to me." (and I haven't known them for that long in the "grand scheme" of things)

Well, it is nearly midnight, but I am barely tired (I think I slept for about 2 hours this afternoon!). I probably can sleep anyway, though. So, good night!

too tired to type

i worked today and then got dinner and visited with a friend for a while after that. i just spent a really long time trying to type a note to someone. i always try to make the words "just right" so it takes me a while and even then i'm not sure how they sound. i don't know why i am typing in all lowercase and still using punctuation, because it isn't really saving any time, but i guess this is my journal and i can do what i want!

anyway, i got my first "comment" in three months. it was a really nice/good one, so maybe i will address some of the content of it in my next post.

i can't believe i have stayed up until 1:30 after getting up at 6 and working until nearly 8. "tomorrow" is palm/passion Sunday. i'm glad i am off and able to attend that service.

okey doke, off to bed before i keep on typing and typing and typing even though the title of this post is "too tired to type". i actually don't feel THAT tired, but know i will be very tired if i don't go to sleep soon. however, i am also off on monday and tuesday so it isn't like i won't be able to take naps! this was kind of fun, but time to sleep!

Always Learning

I do write about my work a lot because that's pretty much my life right now, and I like it that way. However, I am not sure how long it has been since I have actually written how much I LOVE my job because I learn something new EVERY time I go to work. May it be from a member of the medical team, a fellow nurse, a patient, a family member, or someone else, there is ALWAYS something to learn. Today was a day I actually learned a lot of things!

I decided to go ahead and get to work early so I could choose my patients (or, at least ONE patient). I probably didn't need to because the nurse who had her yesterday wasn't working and, as one nurse so "nicely" put it (although others surely have thought it), "no one" would fight me anyway (too bad for them...they don't know what they are missing and I'm not about to share!). Both of my patients had some stuff going on with them that was out of the normal stuff we usually deal with, so I learned a lot by listening to the neurosurgeons, vascular surgeons, infectious disease doctors, and the transplant nurse practitioner. Of course, the one patient's mom ALWAYS has something to teach me, and today was no exception to that. Today's "lesson" was a demonstration on how to be REALLY nice to people even when you are "super super angry"...I don't know if I could EVER do that, but let me tell you, it was amazing to see! :o)

I had "the conversation" with my manager about Easter stuff. We had a productive visit. She told me that she didn't really like me "venting" about my issues to the rest of the staff because it causes people to get all riled up. To that, I simply apologized (more than once, actually!). She said that she was ALWAYS going to help me, so I didn't need to get so crazy :o) I thanked her for her help, and now I have Holy Saturday off (which is the day my family is getting together anyway). After that, she complimented me on being able to stay calm and not let my emotions get the best of me during our conversation. I am VERY bad in uncomfortable situations and my emotions usually get the best of me, even if I am trying to be strong and calm (I get instant hives and my face turns bright red...it is NOT a pretty sight!). It is REALLY hard not being able to hide any stress, anxiety, or fear. I dislike confrontation and controversy and even if I get all prepared in my head, my body doesn't always cooperate. So, I actually am kind of proud of myself, and am glad my manager took note of that. :o)

My parents had my sister and brother-in-law over for tuna casserole, and I joined them after I got off work. We had a nice visit, but all of us were tired (and I had a couple loads of laundry to do when I got home), so I didn't stay too long.

It's about 11:00 right now, and that's usually "lights off" and I'm not quite ready for bed, so better end this now.

Feeling a Little Better

Tuesday was a rough day, but I was able to recover by yesterday. Yesterday actually was pretty good. I worked in the PICU for extra money. A couple people asked if I was going to transfer down there since it seems I have been working there a lot (recall, I worked three days in a row there in February, but only because of a certain patient). That type of nursing isn't really for me, but I'm willing to help out as I am able. I felt a little guilty with my "one" patient as the other nurses were very busy with more than one critical patient. However, in my own defense, I was MUCH more useful on the unit yesterday then, say, someone who didn't want to be working down there (like a float nurse from another unit). I knew where everything was, and independently cared for my own patient while doing what I could to help. I was familiar with the types of patients, and who to contact in certain circumstances. I did feel appreciated, which is always nice.

The one patient I did have was one that I really like taking care of anyway, so that was a great "perk" to working too. At one point, the mom told the person she was talking to on the phone that they had "their favorite nurse". That is always nice to hear! I also got a really nice email from a stranger basically telling me I'm doing a great job as a nurse and keep up the good works :o) (It was a REALLY sweet email, and it's wonderful to be in such a profession where I am given the opportunity to better people's lives).

I had dinner at the hospital with "you know who"...I didn't stay long because she needed to talk to her family on the phone and I didn't think it appropriate for me to "hang out" while she did that this time :o) Today was to be a difficult one for her, so family is what she needed, not me!
____
Onto today...I did a stem cell donation at the hospital for research. This is the third time I have done it, and manage to somewhat forget how much of a challenge it is in between donations. The apheresis machine spins your blood and leaves what the researchers need for their study, in this case the white cells (I was told that this particular researcher is working on a vaccine for breast cancer). The blood comes out one arm, and back in the other after it has been spun. They spun 10 liters of my blood (I did a search and your body has about 5 liters of blood, so they spun all my blood twice). Because of my size (being only 5 feet tall), they can only go at a certain speed. The anticoagulant also pulls calcium from your blood, so you get pretty "tingly", especially if it is done too quickly (mostly in the teeth, fingers, and toes). So, I sat in the same place, without the use of either arm for a little over 3 1/2 hours. Of course, the nurses there take care of you by giving you Tums for the calcium issue, sips of water, warm blankets, itch your nose, whatever you need. Unfortunately, it was rather uncomfortable for me this time because my bladder decided it was full after I'd only been sitting for 1 1/2 hours...those last two hours seemed like FOREVER, but at least I had my iPod, and I could rest some. I'm not really that big into politics, but I do not like the practice of embryonic stem cell research, so figure this is a way for me to be a part of the solution to that.

Anyway, after that, I was pretty wiped out, but it was a nice day outside and I didn't want to miss that! I decided that I need to invest in some kind of outside chair that I can lay in. Since I do not have one, I laid on the concrete patio in my backyard (on a yoga mat and towel). It was great to be outside and enjoy the spring-like temperature (I heard it is supposed to get cold again!) Needless to say, my neck, back, and shoulders are a bit sore right now after that nap!

I had choir practice this evening, and am back to work tomorrow. I have to decide what I am going to do about the whole working Easter deal. A HUGE part of me just wants to tell my manager that I refuse to work on Holy Saturday since she couldn't find anyone to work Easter for me. I'll see how brave I get. I also have to remember that it is the patients and my co-workers who would be affected. However, Easter is family time, and my family is VERY important to me. Going to church is too.

Time to sleep. Good night!

Up and Down

I cried quite a bit today. I'm pretty sure I will cry while I type too. I will admit to being a "crier", but looking back at my journal, I think it has been a while since I cried for an extended period of time (or maybe "about a month" ago...darn hormones! an emotional job doesn't help either!).

This morning, my mom picked me up on her way to work so I could have her car while mine was getting its oil changed. I had a meeting at the hospital at 10:00 with the leadership team (director, managers, committee chairpersons). Before and after my meeting, I visited my "friend" (the patient, the mom, both...take your pick!). We were able to have more of a conversation after the meeting because of timing (meaning, I had a meeting to go to at 10, nothing do after the meeting besides go get my car). Our visit actually was pretty "lighthearted" considering the circumstances. We laughed a bit, talked about some funny things, and some "girl-talk". At one point, she said to me "you will make a good mom some day". All I could do was mumble "I hope so" as I bit my lower lip in an attempt to keep the tears from falling right then and there. As I wrote last night, this woman is AMAZING! I admire and respect her SO much that such a compliment just warmed my heart to tears (I was unable to stop the tears from falling once I made it home).

After deciding I probably should go get my car (considering I needed my mom to help with that and she was ready to go), I left the hospital around 1:30 and it was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS outside...like SIXTY degrees!! That made me smile. When I picked up my car, I was pleasantly surprised that all they did was put air in the tires, and change the oil and didn't find tons of other things that needed to be fixed. They washed my car AND gave me a 10% discount on parts. Again, yay! I went to my favorite store, Fashion Bug and bought myself a new shirt and a pair of black pants. It was REALLY exciting that I actually found TWO pairs of black pants right away that fit. However, when I got to the register, I decided that I probably should just buy one of them at that price (there is a sale on Sunday, so maybe I can get the other pair then). I ended up only putting TWELVE dollars on my credit card because I had a coupon and a rebate. Not too shabby! Smile :o) THEN, I went to my second favorite store, Hallmark. I picked up a couple cards, and a gift for above woman whose wedding anniversary is Thursday. I was very happy with my selections, and the reasoning behind them.

I finally got home around 4:30 (long time away from home for a "day off"!). That's when I started crying about the earlier conversation. I ate dinner outside about 6:00 (my first meal of the day...I'm sure THAT had no effect on my emotional state!). It was still nice, and good to be outside. Without going into TOO much detail, I found out around 7:30 that the situation with aforementioned patient had changed. This woman who personifies optimism, and has an incredible gift of being able to see the blessings in EVERYTHING may have reached her breaking point. I believe she is "done" with her current situation. This is SO heartbreaking to me, especially since there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to help the situation, just as there was NOTHING I could do to prevent it. I feel helpless and sad. I am crying again. (As I read this, it sounds rather dramatic, but I am disappointed in "the system" which distresses me even more because I TRULY love my job. However, I also REALLY care about this little girl and her family and so I am "stuck" with my emotions all in shambles. I'm a crying mess.).

Tomorrow I decided to pick up an extra shift in the PICU. To be honest, I'm kind of dreading it. Initially, I had gotten myself out of doing it, but they called me later to see if I was still interested. I suppose it will be good for me to take care of different patients. I'm thinking I'm going to be working a LOT harder than I have been my last few shifts, and probably won't have NEAR as much fun. I'll have to keep reminding myself of the extra $15/hr I will be getting that will help with some of my other "issues".

It's nearly 10:00, and I'm tired. I'm thinking it could be one of those "cry myself to sleep" nights, but hoping I am wrong... Good night.

Not Bad at All...

...especially for a Monday!

So, I got one of my two kids back from Friday and Saturday and it was the one I REALLY wanted (even though having both would have been great!). I LOVE my little "A-team" girl, and I'm thinking her mom and I are pretty much friends by now :o) I've spent a LOT of time with them the past few weeks and it has been SUCH a blessing to me! It's hard to explain, but I just feel blessed to know her (and honored that she speaks to me regularly!). :o) She has the most tremendous wisdom, strength, and faith (among other things, including being one of the most forgiving people I have ever met!). I'm not sure anything I could do for her could "match" all that she has given to me (but I won't stop trying!). I didn't know that I could respect her more than I already did, but after she shared with me "her story" when we visited this weekend, I am even more amazed at what a wonderful person she is today. Unfortunately, circumstances leave her here with me to talk her ear off while she misses her family hundreds of miles away. It just breaks my heart. I know how much I have come to care for her and "baby", so I can only imagine how much they are missed by those who have loved them and cared for them FOREVER. Many, many times a day I pray they will be home soon...

Anyway, I'd better stop writing about that before I start bawling. I only had two patients all day, (until my post-op came at 6:50 PM, so I didn't really do much with that one). Luckily, I had the patient mentioned in the previous paragraph because my other patient did not have a very nice parent there. I suppose I should consider the fact that maybe the parent just talks loud, and the language barrier just augments that, however, it did seem like yelling at the nurse is something that occurs quite frequently in that room. I was no exception to that, although, I'm thinking Saturday's nurse got a lot more than I did. This parent was not there most of the day, either, so I don't have TOO much to complain about!

I think there were actually only two admissions all day, and maybe four discharges. We had quite a few open rooms, so that is VERY good, especially for a Monday, and considering we were told in morning report that there would be at least five admissions!

My mom helped me drop off my car at the shop to get the oil changed (and probably air in the tires). She will pick me up on her way to work. Well, I'm doing a couple loads of laundry, so I'd better finish that so I can go to sleep!

Good night.

Today in a Nutshell

A small part of me wished I worked today because I would get my same kids back from yesterday. However, it was nice to do something other than work, and I MAY be able to get them back tomorrow anyway!

I can't believe how late I stayed up last night! Fortunately for me, I didn't have to get up until almost 10:00. I went to Mass and it was REALLY nice to be there (I have been missing church a lot and don't like that at all). After church, I took care of some "business" (writing checks and sending bills...not picking up the clutter...would you believe there is still some stuff from my vacation "hanging out" in the living room...I feel like my house is kind of like a "bachelor pad"!). Then, I went to lunch with a high school friend, her husband, and their 18-month-old son. I hadn't seen them since before Christmas (I brought her gift with me!). We had a nice visit. They are doing well, but told me another one of their friends is getting divorced after being married a little over a year. That was really sad for me to hear (I don't need any stories like that when I already think I don't want to get married!).

My dad's basketball teams played back-to-back in a tournament this afternoon, so I went to those games and kept score. His teams are SO bad this year, and it was pretty hard to watch (they played worse than usual...not a whole lot of energy out there...maybe they are "done" with basketball season!). I came home and took an hour nap which helped a LOT (I was starting to get a headache). I cooked some cheese soup, so have lunch for tomorrow, and I will bring some to share...AND there is still enough for about 4 more servings...I am NOT good at cooking for one or two meals!

That's today in a nutshell. Not too exciting, but that's okay. One of these days, I should stay at home and do some picking up around my house. On the other hand, no one really cares what my house looks like, especially since there isn't anyone who will be coming to see it. Right now, I have other things on my mind that seem more important and now is the time to do those things.

Back to work tomorrow...I checked who was working, and it looks like I have a fairly good chance of getting my patients back tomorrow (only one nurse who worked today is back tomorrow). I'll plan to get there a little early anyway. So, I should go to sleep (hopefully that evening nap doesn't affect my ability to fall asleep!).

Good night.

Springing Forward

And hoping that will bring some more spring-like weather!

It's now 12:30 in the morning, which means that really it kind of is 1:30. I've been up since 5:45 and have lots I want to do tomorrow, so I should go to sleep.

Today was a good day. I think I spent more of the day "chatting" than I did working (I probably could have tried to help my co-workers a bit more, but I didn't). It was nice to have a day that I could actually enjoy my patients. I did a little bit of teaching, but quite a lot of learning. That made for a rather enjoyable day. :o)

I decided I didn't feel like getting ready to go out after work with some co-workers. Instead, I decided to change into some comfy clothes and hang out with someone who I have found to be very good company. She and I had dinner and just chatted away. We don't know each other very well, so we talked about LOTS of different things--our parents, our siblings, our childhood, sports, hospital experiences. Just like every other time I have visited with the person, I stay SO LONG (I hope and pray she would feel comfortable telling me it was time to go!). She has been SUCH a blessing to me, and probably has no idea, even though I have told her on more than one occasion. She has taught me many things in the short time we have known each other, and for that I will be forever grateful.

Anyway, tonight is "Spring Forward" for Daylight Savings Time (maybe tomorrow I can make a link to the journal I wrote about the "Fall Back" because if I recall, it was not a happy one!). I'm already "super tired", but really only have myself to blame for that...better not be crabby tomorrow because of it :o)

Good night!

I SUPPOSE I did it to myself

So, I got to work at the "butt crack of dawn" in order to be prepared for a potential fight for the patient I wanted. I even decided that my late afternoon bath yesterday was enough to get me through today. I skipped the morning shower, and drove right over the layer of snow on my driveway that had fallen overnight, knowing that I could be dealing with quite a mess when I got home. But, having an opportunity to "choose" my patients was important enough to me!

Unfortunately, I DIDN'T really pay attention to the OTHER two patients I "chose". One of them was scheduled for surgery that would require a transfer to the PICU, the other already had discharge orders started. So, pretty much from the beginning of the day, I knew that I was in a "wonderful" place to get two admissions. The timing just WASN'T on my side today... The surgery scheduled for 11:30, discharge stuff all done by early/late afternoon...that would have been GREAT! Instead, patient off to surgery at 2, discharge at 2:45...down to one patient...hanging out...hanging out...waiting, waiting. THEN, admission at 4:45...seven IV attempts later...it is 6:00 and my next admission arrives. Hello, I'm your nurse, I really AM a good nurse, I'm just SUPER busy right now, and since you are breathing, have food, and know where the bathroom is, I'll see ya when I see ya. Everything ended up working out okay, I'm hoping I didn't forget anything. I clocked out at 8:00, which I SUPPOSE isn't TOO bad after all of that!

After work, I took a side trip to Target. I got to go on a "shopping spree" for fun little kid toys with someone else's money. It was FABULOUS :o) Although, I have to say that the little voice that reminds me about my budget was still speaking loud and clear, even though it wasn't my money. I told the mom that I kept looking for the cheap toys (I can't remember the grand total, but it was DEFINITELY under $80 and I got four toys, three books, a toothbrush and toothpaste...not bad!). She pretty much laughed at me, but that's okay. I said "Hey, if you can get a fun toy for $8, why spend $20?" The way that little girls eyes lit up with those new toys...and how they brought a smile to a hurting mom's face...what precious moments I would have missed had I decided I really WAS too tired to do anything besides drive home.

Back to work tomorrow...I'm sure it will be another fun-filled day!

Be who you are and be that well. ~Saint Francis de Sales

Seize the Day

Okay, so maybe I didn't QUITE do that, but I did make the most of it!

I had a meeting at the hospital this morning. We met with one of the executives for a good part of it, and also discussed the results from our staff satisfaction survey. My manager, and the director were present as well. I think it is WONDERFUL to work in an organization that cares what its employees think. It was a very productive meeting, and we were given opportunities to discuss our concerns, and also talk about some positive changes that have occurred. Being a person that is very passionate about her work, it is empowering to see others who share that passion. How many people can say that their boss, and their boss' boss, and people higher than that ALL care about what happens in their little department?!

After the meeting, I went to lunch with a friend who works in the media relations department. We had a very nice conversation, and caught up on things (I can't remember the last time we went out for lunch!). She was interested to know how things were going in my area, it is interesting for me to hear about what she does. I'm hoping we can get together again soon!

I did some of my usual "day off hanging out", but THEN decided to take advantage of the warmer weather. This week's weather has been CRAZY! Saturday warm, Sunday snow, today "warm", tonight snow. I drove to my parents' house since I am familiar with that neighborhood (seeing as I lived in that house for nearly 20 years!). I was out for 30 minutes. I walked for most of it, but I did run for three minutes, and then for about six. I'm not sure how far it was, but it felt pretty good. I am hoping I will be able to do the Life-a-Thon again this year. Maybe I'll actually train for it!

I took a short little bath (I'm thinking I may need to make a trip to the store to get some cool stuff for the tub, since I seem to be taking pretty frequent baths!). It was nice and relaxing, and I figured it would help my muscles. I went to choir practice. I still don't have my schedule, so am not sure what days I have off around Easter. I should find out tomorrow.

Well, I'm pretty sleepy (and I didn't even use the "sleep" bubble bath!). I'm planning to get to work early so I can try to "snag" my little "A-team" girl as a patient. I hope it doesn't cause a raucous :o) I do have a "Plan B", but hopefully I will not need to resort to that!

Good Distraction

So, I ended up having today off. After my emotional issues from yesterday, and the emotions from the two work days before that, I think it was better to not be around work people for a while. I got up a little before 10:00 and went to Curves. Since I went yesterday afternoon, none of the people today knew what a foul mood I was in yesterday. I managed to keep quiet about my "issues". Working out regularly definitely will be a good thing for me.

I spent the rest of the morning/part of the afternoon just "hanging out", reading my "blogs" as I usually do, checking my email a million times. I did put away the dishes I washed yesterday and some of the clothes I cleaned last week and prepared for my meeting tomorrow, but that's about it.

I got dressed in some "cute clothes" and did my hair and make-up. I went to dinner at my aunt and uncle's house to celebrate my cousin's 23rd birthday (they had a larger family brunch on Sunday while I was at work). We had lasagna and garlic bread--yummy! I talked to my cousin about my conversation from last night, but didn't "broadcast" it to everyone. My cousin and I then met up with my sister, her husband, and some of my cousin's friends at a bar and grill.
It was SO much fun!! I didn't talk about work AT ALL (except at one point when I said I was a nurse in relation to "dealing with pee and poop"). I actually didn't say much at all, but that was okay. My sister was the center of attention for quite a while, but I don't think it bothered anyone else. She is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!! I don't think I could have taken another minute of her telling her stories because I thought my face was going to fall off from laughing so hard! She is three days into her new job at a bank...one wouldn't think you could have THAT many stories in three days, but she definitely did! It was SO nice not to think about work and all the baggage I end up bringing home from that for a while. Everyone had a GREAT time. We are all "working folks" so made fun of ourselves for ending the evening at 9:30...gotta love "growing up"!! I suppose I should try and get out of the box, out from under my rock, and experience life in "the outside world" once in a while (or more often!). It's great to love my job, but it's also nice to know that I can love life outside of there too. In any case, this evening was a VERY good distraction from everything else that has happened this week. Hooray for that! Another unexpected blessing...gotta love that!

My brother-in-law and sister

(my sister thinks she looks like she weighs

300 pounds in this photo...I think not!)

Always have to have a picture of me with my drink!

I have to admit, this was quite a large one!

Happy 23rd Birthday!

My sister and me--not a great picture,

but, we do kind of "match" :o)

One of "those" Days

Today was one of those days when it is probably good that I live by myself, and am not responsible for anyone else. Today, when I wasn't sleeping, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and try not to cry. Needless to say, I still did quite a bit of crying.

Last night, I fell asleep on the couch around 12:30. I woke up at 3:45, brushed my teeth, changed my clothes, and went to bed. I set my alarm for 6:30 so I could run my garbage to the curb. I then set my alarm for 9:30, but decided there was no way I was going to get up to go work out. So, I decided to go back to sleep and get up when I woke up. How surprised I was to see the clock reading 1:00 PM the next time I opened my eyes! Yesterday must have worn me out even more than I thought!

Too bad the good amount of sleep didn't seem to do much with my emotional issues. I am really struggling with something that happened last night. Hurting other people's feelings is something I never want to be a part of, especially when I KNOW it is going to happen. I feel stuck in a situation that someone NEEDS to hear the truth, but the truth will probably hurt. So, I'm not sure if the truth NEEDS to come from me! However, it could end up being better coming from me than from someone else who doesn't care as much about her or her feelings. This situation, probably along with other emotional issues my work brings, has been eating me alive ALL DAY LONG. My heart is hurting, the tears sting my eyes.

I did manage to make it to Curves, and held back the tears during my workout. I took a bath this evening, and had a conversation with my mom about the issue. I decided that being honest was better than being silent. I worked up the courage to make a phone call, but ended up having to leave a voice mail message. So, I continue to sit here with tears in my eyes, getting anxious whenever the phone rings, praying I have made the right decision, praying I'll be able to do what I think is right...so many things going through my mind right now. I feel DRAINED, and I fear I could still be facing the toughest element of this issue.

Just yesterday, I wrote about finding blessings in the small things. I suppose a blessing I can find with this (IF I am able to follow through with my decision!) is being able to be candid with someone even though that makes me SO NERVOUS. I typically run away from any kind of conflict, leaving the "big issues" to someone else.

I thought I was going to work a bonus shift in the PICU tomorrow, but found out this evening they should not neeed me. That too is a blessing, because today didn't really feel like much of a "day off". It's only 9:30, but I may just head to bed.

Good night.

Updated...had the conversation. Totally didn't go as planned whatsoever. Really ticked her off. Didn't explain myself well at all. Probably hurt her feelings. She thought I was judging her and her situation. Basically a lot of the things I didn't want to have happen, happened. But, I guess it's over. It's done. There is no going back. At first I thought I felt better anyway. Now, I'm not so sure. Hopefully my aching heart will allow me to sleep. Good night.