Picture Update

It's been nearly two months since I posted anything here. In the six years since I started this blog, I've never gone that long. I have a lengthy post in my head that hopefully will make it here in the very near future, but I think pictures are a good way to ease back into the blogging world. Suffice it to say, things have been CRAZY the past two months. Since the next post will be about how I nearly lost myself and what I am doing now, it's best to have this reminder that not everything has been bad...

Dealing with a Bully

I suppose I'm lucky that I never experienced bullying growing up (and REALLY grateful I don't have to grow up during a time when cyber bullying is everywhere). I'm also lucky that I work in a place that, while it is often gossip laden (hello...nursing is almost all females and females just like to gossip, I guess), has not been a place that I have been bullied (at least not without it getting quickly stopped). I'm also grateful that I have gotten a lot stronger in being able to stand up for myself and my needs (thank you years of therapy and dealing with a narcissistic biological mom for 16+ months).

With that being said, I am saddened that I have constantly been bullied by someone who works for the agency that pretty much runs the foster care system in my State. The cultural liaison has been on my case from the beginning, making jabs at me, trying to make me look bad in front of other professionals, making me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with Zoe, etc. This weekend, though, she took the bullying to a whole new level and my caseworker is PISSED! We got a new case manager last week and she is aware of past behaviors and received multiple calls and texts from me this weekend about what occurred.

Zoe has visits with her mom five days a week (yes, it totally sucks!). She goes to school from 9-3:30, then gets picked up and has a visit with her mom until 7:00. Drop off at my house is between 7:15 and 7:30 (or she stays at the day care until I pick her up at 8 after work). So, she has LONG days. I often work at least one of the weekend days, so those days she is at day care from 6:15 AM-8:00 PM (thankfully, she loves the kids at the day care and is an angel when her mom isn't around, so they are okay having her for that long :) )

Zoe's mom canceled her visit on Thursday which left me scrambling to find her a ride from school to day care (God bless the woman I met at Curves who got a background check and has been helping me with transportation). Then, she canceled her visit again on Friday which meant I had to back out of judging Junior High history projects that I had agreed to do.

On Saturday afternoon, I received a voice mail from the cultural liaison while I was at work. She wanted to know if Zoe could have a visit with her mom on Sunday (to make up for the two she canceled...seriously?!) I called my caseworker and the case manager to see what the deal was and pumped myself up to call this woman back because I knew I needed to stay strong. Zoe and I had plans on Sunday to attend a party and then have family dinner with my parents, but I decided I could let her go from 3-5:30. She informed me that the visits were canceled since mom got a new job and it was really important she gets to see her daughter (even though she had gone to the school twice to see her and had visits on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, so it isn't like she hadn't seen her in a long time). I let her know that we did have plans, but she would be available for a little while.

Then, on Sunday morning, the cultural liaison called me while we were at church. She said she couldn't transport/supervise the visit and asked if I could. Are you kidding me?! Her mom doesn't speak a lick of English and is mentally ill. Zoe speaks Spanish when she's with her mom and also acts like a maniac. Why in the world would I subject myself to that? I called the case manager and she said I could say no and told me thank you for being flexible. When I called the cultural liaison to tell her I couldn't/wouldn't do that, she tried to bully me into it. She told me that I should try to have a better relationship with Zoe's mom (hello, learn English and I'll learn Spanish?) and that "most" foster parents would supervise. She pretty much told me I was a bad foster parent for not wanting to make this happen, but I stood my ground and said I did not feel comfortable supervising a visit (plus, it was last minute notice and I had agreed to make Zoe available for a visit). I'm proud of myself for standing up for myself (and for not crying!) I let my caseworker and the case manager know that I felt she did this to try to set a trap for me and that she pretty much said I was a bad foster parent and I don't deserve to be treated that way. I really like the new case manager and I hope she will be able to get this woman under control and let her know she cannot treat foster parents like crap.

In other news, we had a family team meeting scheduled for last Tuesday. The new/old case manager (she was on the case from January 1 until last Tuesday) and the new case manager were there along with my caseworker and myself. The mom couldn't come and neither could the cultural liaison (I think this is the third family team meeting the mom has missed, there wasn't one in December, and we had our first one in September, so these "family team meetings" have rarely included her mom). So, we were able to talk freely. At that time, I informed the new case manager of some of the issues I had already had with the cultural liaison and concerns I have about the case and plans for moving forward. She told me (and my caseworker) that she didn't think the relative would qualify to provide relative placement (or adoption if this eventually ends in termination...I'm not sure Zoe's mom will ever be able to care for her special needs). That was quite a different story than I'd heard for the past four months. She wasn't sure if there was a concurrent plan, but asked if I'd be willing to adopt Zoe if the case ends up going that way (which would take YEARS). I said of course (as long as she can still have Medicaid since there is no way I can afford her medications or her medical day care).

Zoe is still super fun, even though she keeps me really busy (not just her...all the phone calls and arrangements that I have to do while she's at school all day long!) Since her mom canceled her visit on Friday and I was off, we made a quick stop at the Zoo and went out to dinner. Here are some pictures. I love shopping for her and she always gets compliments on her clothes and shoes :)

An Oldie but a Goodie

I created a birthday movie back in 2008 and have posted it on my birthday every year since. The computer I made it on died and I haven't taken the time to re-scan all the pictures to make a new one. So, here's the original post I wrote in 2008 followed by birthday pictures of the years since (if I can find them without taking too much time!) "You're so skinny!" was a phrase I heard a lot this weekend, so I need to re-watch the video and see what I "used" to look like...ha! I am SO very blessed and am thankful to have lived 33 fabulous years...and looking forward to the blessings that are sure to come.

From Movies

or this! 

2008

2009

2010

2011

On Vacation...and So I Blog

I am not sure I've EVER gone this long without posting on my blog since I started it in 2007. It's been just over six weeks since I got my second foster placement (Zoe--she's 4 1/2 and has cystic fibrosis). I think we are starting to get into a good routine...for now anyway. She finished with her nebulizer antibiotic last week, so her treatments take about 15 minutes less than they used to. I've also been getting called off work a lot :( (my next pay check is going to be about half of what it usually is since I took vacation and have no PTO to cover it after all the other days of not getting to work). When I'm off, we can get her treatments started a little earlier and we are already at home rather than me having to get her from day care after work and driving home (even though it is only a 10 minute drive, that makes a difference!) So, not being able to work sucks for the "cash flow", but it has helped both of us get a little more sleep!

She's doing really well and we have a lot of fun when we do get to "hang out". She goes to Head Start from 9-4 Monday through Friday and then has visits right after that until 7:30. So, our time together is mostly treatments, bath, snack, reading books, and bed. I was off last weekend, though, so we got to have some fun. I'm also off all this next week (my birthday is Monday--yay!) and she has two days off school, so we'll be able to do something.

Right now, I am over 700 miles away in a hotel room waiting for my college friend to drive from her home to meet me. I'm attending my 10-year college reunion and I'm SO excited to see people I haven't seen in a long time. One friend picked me up from the airport this morning (my flight left at 6 AM...that was brutal!) and brought me to see some of my "peeps" in the nursing department that were/are very special to me (I had a job in the nursing office, so got to know lots of the administrative assistants and professors pretty well). She brought me to lunch and then to the airport to check in. For dinner, I walked to the Downtown area. I think we'll go back there for drinks after my friend arrives :)

My sister is taking care of Zoe this weekend while I'm gone. She and my mom came over on Monday to learn her treatments and medications. I gave her three pages of notes and she said she may be texting me tomorrow, but I know she'll be fine. I talked to her after her evening treatment and my sister said she did fine with everything and had a good snack. I'm definitely going to miss her, but I'll be back Sunday afternoon and tomorrow will be really busy, so it will be ok :)

Speaking of missing...the teen hasn't been coming around in a while. The last time she spent the night was September 23, so going on a month. That after living here half the summer and every weekend after that. It's really weird and I don't know what's going on, but I miss having her at my house and hearing about what's been going on. She had lots of erratic spending/withdrawals (as in, over $500 in two weeks) from her bank account and I found out that her mom left town again (not for as long this time). Since she wasn't talking to me, I was afraid she had funded her mom's trip and it was really stressing me out. Then, there was a $141 transaction to a tattoo place and I about lost it (she was close to over-drafting her checking account twice). I was all ready to shut down her account and take back the $200 I gave her to start them in the first place. One of my twitter friends stopped me from doing that though ;)

I finally was able to talk to her in person and asked what was going on. She said nothing and that she had cash in her room as well as a pay check. She continued to maintain that everything was fine until I told her how close I was to closing the account. Then, she told me nonchalantly without making eye contact that she had bought a car (with help from her mom...shocker!...and I don't want to know where that money came from). The car was $1000 and she doesn't have her license yet, but she thinks that was a good decision so she can get to and from work (and school) easier. I'm not 100% convinced, but it is what it is. She's a little scared to drive after she was riding in a car with her friend who got into an accident. It wasn't her fault, but the teen had horrible seat belt bruises (thank goodness she was wearing one!) Later that night (last Friday), a good friend from work was hit by a drunk driver and died from his injuries. She said they are going to do some drinking and driving awareness stuff at work in his honor and do a fundraiser. It is really sad she is dealing with that stuff, but I think it will help her continue to make good choices. I'm not sure how her grades are. She said she wasn't doing well in math, but didn't say much else. She still wants to go to the big university, but she needs to get at least 5 points higher on her ACT which she is taking next week. I hope she continues to stay focused and working hard toward her goals/dreams :)

Zoe's mom goes back to court on December 3. I don't think they can change her placement status until after court. Apparently things are going well, so I'm not sure how much longer I'll have her after that. She does seem willing to do what is asked of her (like starting to offer Zoe her supplements on visits rather than taking the easy way out and giving her the water that she wants) and hasn't canceled visits. She didn't attend either of the family team meetings we have had and also missed a doctor's appointment, but those are being excused away by the caseworker...it is what it is. I found out that the caseworker is 3 months into this job, but it is her second career...that explains some of why she is the way she is (my agency caseworker is a foster/adoptive parent and has been working with the system for over 35 years).

Even though some days are tough, I am so thankful to have these girls (and the little one) in my life. I know that I have made a difference in their lives, and will continue to have an impact on them.

I'm looking forward to having some fun away from it all (even though I'm sure I'll be talking about them a lot!) I'll try not to be such a stranger to this blog :)

Until the next time...

One year, 4 days...Four weeks

It's been one year and four days since my first foster placements went home after living here for 16 months. It has been four weeks since I got my second foster placement. I had no idea what was going to happen in the days, weeks, months, year after I said "good-bye" on that day. Little did I know that the teen would end up spending so much time with me, including living here for half the summer. She hasn't stayed here in about two weeks which is the longest amount of time she has spent in a row at home since April (or maybe even since February!) I noticed that she took $260 out of her bank account yesterday and nearly overdrew her checking, so I have no idea what's going on, but I'm praying that everything is okay. I haven't talked to her mom in probably six weeks, but the teen says things are fine and her sister is okay too (not sure her "okay" is the same as mine, but it is what it is and I pray she isn't as "bad off" as I imagine).

Things with my new placement are going well. I named her "Zoe" here and on twitter and have actually almost called her that a couple of times. We have a pretty good routine, although it is pretty crazy. I rarely get her to bed by 9:30 (usually 9:45/9:50) and on days I work, we leave here at 6:00. On days I'm off, we have to be up BY 7:15 in order to get everything done before school starts at 8:45. She only has one week left of her antibiotic nebulizer, so that will shorten her treatment times by quite a bit. I hope her infection is clear, otherwise I think that means she would have to go to the hospital for IV antibiotics (and then likely home with them with more treatments). It seems like she is doing well and I've been giving her all her medication, but I need to remind myself that she does have a chronic illness and could possibly end up in the hospital (although less likely since she is being "properly cared for" at this time). She has gained about two pounds since being placed with me and I can feel every ounce when I carry her asleep to the car at 6 AM (she still weighs less than the 50 pound suitcase with her equipment/medications that I drag back and forth between home and day care...that makes me very thankful I only work 3 days a week!)

She was off school (she goes to Head Start) on Friday and Monday, so we went to the Pumpkin Patch. Her visit last Friday was canceled, so we had the WHOLE day to ourselves and it was really fun (she has visits Monday through Friday from right after school until 7:30 so she is dropped off around 7:45/8:00). Tomorrow's visit is also canceled, but I am scheduled to work (although our census has been low, so I could end up with the day off), so it won't feel like it's canceled since I get off at that time anyway.

I'm not sure what is going to happen with her (besides plan for reunification), but I heard that the case is going to go to a trial (no idea what that means). The next court date is December 3rd and I was told that it is unlikely that anything would/could change with visitation/placement before then. So, I will probably have her for another two months. I feel like I have made quite the impact in the four weeks I have had her, so I'm really looking forward to seeing how well she will be doing two months from now :)

Until the next time...keep all of us in your prayers...this crazy, but blessed life of ours :)

New Placement Update

I thought I'd better take the time to post an update to let everyone know that I'm surviving being the foster mom of a child with a chronic illness ("Zoe"). Of course, I haven't had to work since I got her and when I go back on Saturday, I will have been off for 11 days, so it will be a rude awakening! I had to take yesterday off work since they haven't been able to secure day care at a place that takes children with medical needs yet. I need that for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, so am praying that gets worked out soon. I'm also praying that they can figure out transportation between her day care and the school where she has been going for their Head Start program. She really likes her teachers and the consistency would be SO helpful!

When she got dropped off here Thursday night, it was a "bit" traumatic and she was crying when she arrived and kept bringing me the toy phone to call her mom. She settled down pretty quickly in my toy room. It helps that I'm not a stranger since I've been her nurse multiple times. We had a fun weekend including the Zoo and my Church Festival (my dad is the leprechaun!) 

Her respiratory treatments take about 25 minutes two times a day. She had an appointment today and they are adding a couple of medications that will extend the treatment time by about 5 minutes twice a day. So, getting into a good routine will be necessary or it could be a little overwhelming. It's nice to have this time off work to adjust since it will be another adjustment throwing work in there too! We were at the Doctor appointment for just over three hours and I hadn't eaten lunch since it was only to be an hour appointment and it was during her nap time. Her family was there and they had a million questions, mostly about the case which no one there could answer (first court hearing is tomorrow). Throw in the fact that they don't speak English and it took a whole lot longer than it should have.

Overall, she has been a REALLY good girl for me. She does understand English since she's been in the hospital and around English speaking people, but her family only speaks Spanish. So, sometimes I don't know if she isn't listening to me because she is 4 or because she doesn't understand me or a little bit of both. Tonight, I realized that she sings "Cinco, Cinco Little Star" and it cracks me up. We had a bed time conversation in the difference between a "pillow" and "pelo" (hair). The teen stayed her a few nights and told me that she was asking for a blanket when she said a word I didn't understand.

I have no idea what "the plan" is going to be or how long she'll be with me, but we've had fun the past five days and I'll continue to try to go with the flow (even though getting one hour notice for visits is not very much fun). I actually haven't told very many people I know "in real life" that I have a placement...I guess maybe I'll share that information if it looks like she'll stay longer than a week ;)

The first three mornings she got up before 7:00 (a couple of times before 6:30), but yesterday and today it was closer to 7:30. I'm used to rolling myself out of bed "9ish", so this is definitely an adjustment (of course, I would have had to get up to bring the teen to school two of those days anyway, but still!)

Enjoy the pictures...I'll try to write again soon. I need to type up a "teenager update"...she is doing great and we have still been having fun (and have more planned for next week!)

Here We Go Again

Last Saturday, one of my cousins got married. My mom insisted on taking me shopping to get a new dress at a "nicer" store since the past couple of dresses I've gotten have been from the Junior's section of Kohl's (on sale for less than $30). She actually "forced" me to get two so she could use her coupon (that was off a purchase over $120...yikes!) It's kind of hard to see in the picture, but I do like it a lot and the material is pretty darn "fancy" for me ;) 

After shopping, then she, my sister, and I got pedicures and then went to a salon get our hair done. Guess my mom really wanted to pamper her girls and neither of us complained! The lady who did my hair didn't listen at all and my sister had to "fix" it some, but everyone thought it looked cute (all I wanted was a wash and style with her doing a twist or braid or something to keep the front hair out of my face...she basically did an "up do" using half a bottle of hair spray...)

The wedding was fun and it was nice to get a whole family picture...aren't we cute?! ;)

I love him. He is getting so big...even going potty in the big boy potty now :) Yesterday, I had him come over for a couple of hours for an auntie-nephew play date and apparently he is already asking my sister when he can come back.

Last Sunday, my dad came over to help me put together the new day bed I bought for the guest/foster kid room. It took us three tries to get it right, but I think it looks really nice. I (kind of) wish I would have taken a "before" picture because this room really was a disaster. Seriously, there was crap everywhere and had no sense of order. Of course, a portion of the crap is now on my bedroom floor and I still don't have a completely organized scrap-booking area in the basement, but it is a huge improvement! The tool chest and vacuum have since been removed, so I think a child really could sleep in there :) (There is no pillow on the Tinkerbell bed because the teen likes the silky material so it's on her bed) The teen's room actually looks halfway decent right now, so maybe I should take pictures of that room to post on here too.

Speaking of the teen...that is the reason behind the title of this post. During the past couple of weeks, she has stayed the night at my house about as many times as she has stayed at home. In that time (going back to August 6 in my "handy dandy notebook"), her mom contacted me once to bring her to her meeting at the school and once to see if I could bring her to a job interview (the same day she had me sign all the papers at school that she hadn't filled out/signed). Not once did she double check to make sure everything was "cool" or utter a thank you for not leaving her daughter stranded at work when she wouldn't answer her phone to let her know how she was getting home.

Then, last night, her mom decided to have one of her freak out crazy nights...I guess all these weeks of her leaving us be was too good to last. It does make me sad that she doesn't seem to give a sh*t, or enough to check in with me every once in a while (except when she needs something). However, that does make it much easier for the teen and I to "do our thing". I have no idea what set her mom off, but at 10:30 last night, I was getting a text message from her basically calling the teen a liar. Pretty soon after the text, she called me super ticked off saying she was going to go to the school and get to the bottom of all this lying and she was not going to be staying here any more. Then, at 11:00 she said she wanted her daughter home "now" even if she has to take a cab...then she texted that her friend couldn't come get her, so she could stay, but this was the "last night".

In between the "dialogue" with me, she was texting the teen and they "talked" (i.e. her mom yelled) a little on the phone too. I tried to sit back, but at one point looked over and the teen was sobbing. She hardly ever cries, especially in regards to the way her mom acts/treats her. So, I know whatever was being said/texted was hurtful. She also had had a rough day at school with a friend stealing her Algebra book and lying about it and a few of her friends were supposed to stay the night at my house with her but all backed out last minute, so that could have played a role in the tears too, but her mom was being completely irrational and unkind. It makes me so sad that her mom treats her like that. Her daughter is AMAZING and she has absolutely no clue. She handled the book stealing thing with tons of grace and maturity...I'm not sure I could have done it (especially the part about telling her friend she wasn't mad at HER, just upset that her friend was going to let her get in trouble for being unprepared for class since she didn't have a book). 

The "lying" her mom was accusing her of was partially in regards to a "group project" the teen said she was doing. The plan (before her friends all flaked) was that they would make their "little sister" costumes together. Instead, I helped her. You can't tell from the picture, but she spray painted the hat and it has brown pipe cleaners for hair. I made the diaper (with a little help from her) out of a white tablecloth (arts and crafts are NOT my thing, so it's pretty sad, but it worked!) Her little sister was to be Tommy from the Rug Rats...and her friends made costumes for the other characters from the show. I sent her mom a picture of the "evidence" she was, indeed, working on a project. She kind of accused me of lying too since she wondered why we were working on it so late, but I was at choir practice for 2 hours, so we weren't working on it the whole time (plus, I'm not crafty, so it took a lot more time than it should have!)...ugh!

So, here we go again...there's no telling how long she will be "banned" from coming to my house. The good news is that it doesn't usually last long, especially since it is WAY more convenient to put the responsibility of transporting, feeding, overall caring for the teen on me.

Until the next time...

Sunday, August 26, 9AM update...I got a call from the teen last night at 9:30 asking if she could come over since she couldn't reach her mom. She said she didn't care what her mom had said because she was basically stranded at work. I laughed and said sure. She didn't get to my house until nearly 11, but said her mom had texted her back that it was okay. She told me that her mom wasn't at all upset when she got home on Friday and didn't mention any of the "drama" from Thursday night. I guess this is a good example about why I/we shouldn't get too upset when she does her "crazy thing" because it rarely lasts long. She overslept this morning, but just got picked up for work. I had time to pack her a little bit of a lunch before she went (and threw in a pack of gum since I am pretty sure she didn't brush her teeth...)

Until the next time...