Senior Year

The teen started her Senior year on Thursday. During the past week, she has stayed the night at my house as many nights as she has stayed at hers. I think this is an okay arrangement for the time being. I love having her here and love that she feels comfortable here. We have both come a long way in the nearly 27 months that we have known each other. She is looking at college scholarships and has dreams of attending the University in a nearby city. Of course, she needs to bump up her ACT score to do that as well as boost her GPA, but she is acting very determined to stay focused and organized. She plans to continue working, but I have reminded her that school is her top priority (she had to pay $1100 to get started and will have to pay monthly tuition as well as her monthly Internet bill so she can do her homework at her house). She often has to take a cab home from work which is not cheap. I'm hoping that God continues to bless me with health and hours at work so I can help her financially if it starts getting tough to manage school and work (and her crazy mom).

I am so proud of her! She is excited to be starting her Senior year with all her friends. Her mom left her (and me) in limbo for over 3 months with the threat of her having to change schools and start over...not cool. She has a great advisor and everyone at the school is excited to see her back. Her school is all girls, so each Senior is paired with a Freshman "little sister". The last photo is from locker decorating (her little sister is "Keeley" and she got the polka dotted paper from my house :) She was pretty proud of it.

The first two pictures are from when she and I took my parents' Japanese student (a 17-year-old who stayed with them for a week) Downtown to one of our favorite places--feeding the ducks/geese. They swarmed us and it was a fun time. We also walked around Downtown and met up with the teen's friend and their "little sisters". I'm glad the teen helped me keep her entertained. She helped me last year when they had two students too :)

The other pictures are from when my dad, sister, and I took the Japanese student and my two nephews to the Zoo. It was a little warm and we walked the whole thing (and it's a big zoo!!) I was thankful to have the day off so I could join them. My first nephew is at a really fun age and loves hanging with his aunt (he thinks I'm fun :) ).

Tonight, I get to go to a cousin's wedding. My mom "forced" me to go shopping with her this morning so she could buy me some "nicer" dresses. I don't buy fancy/expensive stuff (and I guess since she bought, I still technically don't). It is kind of fun to have something new to wear. Then, she, my sister and I got pedicures and our hair done. Of course, the lady didn't listen to me. All I wanted was for her to wash it, dry it, and pull the front into a twist or braid to keep it out of my face. She did curls and poofed it up high in the front and kind of poofy in the back too. Thankfully, my sister went to cosmetology school, so she is going to fix it before the wedding tonight.

I've been really bad at keeping up with the blog, but it's been busy with work and taking care of the teenager (and the Japanese student this week too). I'm still set to open up my home to foster placement calls come September, so we shall see what happens with that...

Until the next time...

Two Years

Today marks TWO YEARS since the first night "the girls", "M & L", "the teen and the toddler/little one" stayed at my house. When they came, it was after being in a foster home for six months. So, I didn't have to deal with the "first night shell shock" that I'm expecting could happen with a new placement. I was told it would be a short placement (or maybe I just "assumed" it would be?)...but, as the story goes, it turned into 16 months filled with craziness and they went home just over 8 months ago.

The little one was a tiny not quite 3-year-old when they first came to live here. She turned three AND four here and will be turning five this summer. We spent a lot of time together the first 11 months because my sister watched her while I worked and I had her on my days off. She was always well-behaved and I was SO lucky to be able to take her anywhere I needed to go (even to meetings at work and with me to work out at Curves!) She's still really fun, although it does sadden me a bit that she hasn't matured at all in the 8 months she has been at home...I'm hoping she'll be going to some sort of pre-school program this fall to help with that.

The teen was 15 1/2 years old and about to be a Sophomore in high school. Now she is about to be a SENIOR and taking her ACT this Saturday. She was mostly quiet except when she was singing. She has come SO far in her confidence and self-esteem (even though her "old self" does come out more than I'd like to see :( ). She worked really hard to catch up to her peers in school, trying to fill in the gaps from a "messy" childhood (that she still refuses to discuss/admit). Now, she and I "hang out" all the time. We both love going to baseball games. We love watching SVU and Pretty Little Liars (and whatever other random shows we can find). We listen to the same music (she listens to other stuff too, but will listen to my iPod lots too). We both love her/my high school.

These girls are so amazing...and I am so blessed to have had them placed into my life two years ago. "They" told me that I'd know when I was ready/when the placement was right...and they were SO right!

I have a lot of other things on my mind/in my heart at this point 8 months after reunification with the ongoing "drama", but for now, I will leave it at this. I am blessed...and now it's time to pick up the teen from work :)

Good night.

Wordless Wednesday

Lucky Girl

Even though I am orienting a nurse new to my unit and today was her third day, I decided to try to get the day off if I could. Our census was low, so I got to be "on call" (and didn't get called in...yay!) 

The past two days were "drama" with the teen and her mom (and the teen and her "group projects" at school), so I thought it would be good to have the day off to help with that. Her mom was very angry at her for staying here last night even though it was only because she was trying to work on a project. We did end up watching  a movie, but only because her partner never responded to her texts to work on their project. If I went to work, I didn't know how she would have gotten home and she really did need to spend at least a part of Mother's Day with her mom/grandma. 

Plus, my dad was making brunch at their house, so if I was off, I got to see my mom, grandma, and sister on Mother's Day too :) (and my dad, brother-in-law, and nephews). 

The teen was working on her project while I went and had brunch with my family. My dad made French Toast which is probably my favorite breakfast. (Before I left my house, the teen and I had cinnamon rolls since she looked at me and said "you wanna make breakfast?"...I love that girl!)

After brunch and she was done working on her project, I brought her home. The little one was playing outside and came to my car to see me. She told me she loved me and gave me a hug. She delivered her mom's Mother's Day gift to her and her mom was appreciative. I made her a card with pictures and she loved it (of course, she had to say "I knew I was going to get one of these"...sure you did, you know everything...) She did invite me inside so she could open the gift, but "all" I got her was bath towels and though it was a thoughtful/practical gift, I thought it may be anticlimactic when the giant box was "just" towels (new and freshly washed ones though). I did regret not taking the opportunity to have a conversation with her though since it has been a while since we talked (and the last three conversations she had with the teen involved lots of "f-bombs" and were not very supportive of the teen doing her best to get good grades in her classes). But, it is what it is...I texted the teen this evening and she said her mom liked the towels and was "better" today.

I'm so thankful to have been given this day off to spend with the people I love...one hard thing about working in the hospital is "missing" special days like this, so I'm feeling really lucky/blessed today.

Happy Mother's Day to every woman who's ever loved someone more than herself...
Good night.

On Mother's Day

Today, the teen came to my house to work on a group project with some girls from school. I was at work, so didn't get to see them "in action". Apparently, one of the girls was a couple hours late, so it was much less productive than the teen had hoped and she was very upset/frustrated when I got home. She had another group project to do, but she couldn't get in touch with her friend/partner...that project is due Monday.


Add to that, her mom cussed her out (F-bomb and all) both yesterday and today about making excuses or something like that. Her mom was really upset about her wanting to stay here tonight so she could finish her project (and didn't believe that she actually had a project). I tried calling her mom, then texted her mom (since the teen was in tears and really stressed out). 


Her mom (in a round about not nice way) ended up saying the teen could stay the night.


She never was able to get her friend to help with the project, so I helped her with what I could, encouraged her, and told her how proud I am of her...


Last year on Mother's Day, the girls had been living here almost a year. My parents gave me a Keurig (probably because they gave my sister one, but still really nice!) I got a couple "Happy Mother's Day...well, kind of" which stung a bit, but I did understand...kind of.


This year, I don't have a "placement" and I don't have my "own" kids, so I was wondering what Mother's Day would feel like.


Then, I got this in an email from Paper Coterie...
"To every woman who has ever loved someone more than herself, we wish you an absolutely wonderful Mother's Day." and I found much comfort in those words.


Helping with school projects, wiping away tears, giving words of support, watching chick flicks together...and I know, that I'm a woman who has loved someone more than myself...and will have an absolutely wonderful Mother's Day.

Hanging Out When We Can

Last week, the teen and I seemed to "push the limits" with her mom. We did end up getting to do the things we wanted to do, but the threat of her limiting/ending our contact is something she seems to enjoy holding over our heads.

I texted the teen on Sunday night to see if she was "cool" with me calling her mom to see if she wanted to formulate some kind of "plan" for the week...as far as coming over/staying the night/not staying the night/not coming over. I did call her mom and she was not very chatty this time (recall, last week I spent 45 minutes on the phone listening to her go on and on). She said we would "take it day by day"...which, we decided we would take.

Monday morning, I got a text from the teen shortly before 7:00 AM. Apparently, her mom was mad at her because she had a housing inspection that day and needed help (at 6 AM) getting ready for it (or something like that) and told her to not make excuses to come to my house that don't exist. Her early morning "tantrum" led to the teen having to wait for a later bus that was running late. So, I picked her up for the last 10 blocks so she wasn't late to school. She was able to say to me "it is not my fault/issue, it is hers"...

Later, I found out that her school soccer team was playing in the district tournament. Also, my mom had given me some "expired" orange juice to give to her mom next time I brought the teen home. It was "quite" expired, but was not open and my mom assured me it would be fine for a day or two. However, I texted her mom to see if she'd be interested or if I should toss it...and threw in a little bit about the soccer game because I'm "smooth like that"...ha! At some point during our texting, she called the teen and told her she could come over here and go to the game with me since I was already dropping some stuff off at their house. Then, her mom called and told me about how the teen didn't help her get ready for the inspection, etc. and told me that this was the last time the teen would be able to do anything. She instructed me not to call or text to see if the teen could do things with me. I decided that I may need to have a slight case of dementia and forget about that conversation, but thought I'd respect her wishes for a little while at least.

The teen and I watched the game together, but she was kind of quiet. I teased her that it was our "last hurrah" since her mom once again told us this was it. I love that we get to spend time together, but it's really pretty sad that I'm her only social outlet. She isn't allowed to do anything with her peers. I try to be cool and we do have fun, but the truth is that I'm nearly twice as old as she is (even though I may not act...or look...like it!)

She is so strong, though. I love that this week she was able to say that the problem is with her mom, not with her. Her mom does still hold more power over her self-esteem/confidence than she'd admit, but for this week, my "chin up"/"I'm so proud of you"/"you're amazing"/"I love you"/"keep up the great work's" seem to have sunk in for the most part.

Yesterday, I was at work. Shortly before noon, I received a text from the teen via her email since she has to leave her phone in her locker (they are "supposed" to...my guess is she's one of the only ones who do). It simply said "I love you. Have a good day!"

Seriously, how sweet is that?! I sent her a message back "Aww, I love you too. Thanks, sweetheart. (Hugs)." Seriously, that totally made the rest of my day and I'm not sure how many people I told about it. Totally and completely random text from a 17-year-old just to say she loves you...I am so blessed!

Then, I texted her after school to let her know I needed to be at work at 6:45 the next morning, so probably nice for her she wasn't staying the night (you know, since I wasn't allowed to ask her to do anything, even though we told her mom there was another soccer game since we won).  She texted back wondering if she could come over if she called her mom to ask. Her mom said sure (without talking to me at all) and she was here when I got home from work. I got off late and it looked kind of stormy, so we decided to skip the game (she was working on a project anyway). I texted her mom to let her know that we weren't going to the game, but I'd bring her home after dinner. She called me and said that was fine as long as I had her home by 10. I texted when we were on our way, she said thanks and all was well for the day...neither of us complained about the overnight change, but at least I wasn't the one who asked to do something with the teen!

Today, I texted the teen before I left work to make sure she was heading home. She said yes and forwarded me the text from her mom that told her "Straight home. Got it." Yep, and I got it too... She and I texted for quite a while so I made sure she didn't miss her bus and I was procrastinating mowing my lawn (that's what she told me I was doing anyway...she knows me too well!) She texted me "This lady came up to me and said the Spirit of the Lord is telling me you're meant to be a nurse". That cracked me up (and her too) because she has been telling me that she's freaked out by seeing peoples' veins...she totally doesn't want to be a nurse, although she does have a caregiver/protector personality. I told her that maybe the lady just had her signals crossed and she was just feeling my presence in the teen's heart...ha!

I guess we both shall see what tomorrow holds. She needs to/wants to finish her required service hours on Saturday, but hasn't signed up yet. I'll probably at least need to help with transportation for that. I think I'll have tickets to another baseball game next week, so we'll need to get permission for that. But, in between times, I guess we'll just wait and see what happens...there HAVE been days when her mom randomly tells her to come over here. I won't be holding my breath, but we are taking each moment as it comes and hanging out/giving her some reprieve from the craziness whenever we can :)

Good night.

Remember This

Tonight is the third night in a row the teen has stayed here and the fifth night in a week. I love having her here so much and I love that she feels so comfortable here. I did have to talk to her about respect of time yesterday when I had to wait for over 20 minutes for her to come out of her friend's track meet. She isn't very good at apologies and I wasn't very good at being upset with her, but we muddled through it and I did call her out later on her crappy apology. I do believe that she "gets it", but I guess maybe when people you love hurt you and don't ever apologize, you have to learn how to apologize when you hurt someone you love some time, even if it's when you're 17.

As it turned out, I got a letter from her in the mail which I found right after our little "respect talk". It didn't make me cry like this one did, but maybe that's only because she's been staying here and I was still getting over being upset with her. She did it for an assignment and said she didn't re-read it so it is a tiny bit scattered (and her grammar isn't that great), but I know it was from the heart. Again, I never throw anything away, but I want to remember this:

Dear Amanda,
Well, I would like to first off start out by saying that I have to write a letter to people that I care about. I thought I'd take this opportunity to write one of my letters to you. I would like to start this by saying thank you! For everything that you do for me and all that you have already done. They say everything happens for a reason, right? Right! Well, I see having spent time with you has changed me and will forever shape the person that I am. Though I may have not told you, there is so much that you have given me. So much wisdom. Many of the great qualities that I have today, I think that I owe you some of the credit for that. Some would be my determination, my optimism, and so much more. They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. Well, I have many of those, but I think a memory has even more value and I have even more of those. There were times when I kind of did not like being with you but that was solely because you asked me so much about school and homework. But now that I look back on it, I do see that is what made me succeed so much and even now you are still doing that and it's just a sign that you care. And, well, now I don't care that you ask so much. I enjoy it because in the end it gives me some sense of satisfaction. So, when you ask now, it doesn't bother me at all, not even a little bit. The time that I have spent with you I will treasure because when I look back and think why am I the way I am today, I will know that you have helped me. I know that I can always count on you. From the day that I met you, you have been nice, caring, and loving and still are. And some of those qualities that you have have been put on me too. When I look to the future and I have all those goals, I thank you for telling me that I can and that it's all possible and I can achieve them if I want to.


So, in the end, why I wrote you a letter is to say thank you for everything and you are an amazing person. I love you.


Love always, 
M

Her mom and I have communicated some via text the past couple of days, but tonight I decided I better actually call her. I kept making the teen communicate her/our plans with her mom first, but the only responses she got from her mom were "k" or "ok". Then, she got a text today that kind of made it sound like her mom may not be so keen on all her time spent here, so I figured I'd better touch base and make sure everything is "ok". Thankfully, it was a "pleasant" conversation and she told me she feels safe with the teen here and is glad I am able to take her to do things and give her a quiet place to study. I reminded her about calling the therapist to say it's okay M starts seeing her again and she said she left a message. I really hope that's the truth because M really needs an adult who allows her to vent. I am not exactly in a position to fully do that because I can't take her "side" (even though I'd MUCH rather be on her side than her mom's on most occasions). I reminded M that her mom can decide at any time that she can't come here anymore...and I told her that if that happened, she would still be "ok" (but we need to try and not let that happen!)

When I got home from work, I noticed that she picked up all the toys in the playroom from last weekend and rearranged the furniture in the basement. Then, I noticed she picked up the living room (and dinner was ready). I went to my room to change and she had even piled up my crap and put my shoes in the closet so she could vacuum. Oh, and she cleaned the bathroom a little bit too. I am so blessed (and spoiled ;) )

I know she needs to go home and work things out there, but I won't lie and say I'm not looking forward to the next time we get to spend time together.
Good night.

Six Months

Today marked six months since Sara (Gitzen Girl) left this Earth. However, her life did not really "end" because her legacy lives on in all those who have been touched by her story and continue to "Choose Joy" because of her. (I even chose "Choose" as my "One Word" for this year.) I am so blessed to have exchanged words with her on twitter and via email. Although none of our plans to actually have a "face-to-face" chat worked out, Sara still had a way of making me feel like I was a very important person to her...and in the days leading up to her death and the days after, I realized that was the way she made EVERYONE feel. I think about her all the time and I miss her presence (even though her words are still here), but am grateful that she chose to share herself...in the good times and the not so good ones. Here is a photo of the canvas of hers that I won and a "repost" of what I wrote on the day Sara passed away.

Finding My Words (Originally Posted September 24, 2011)
Ever since I read the words on Sara's blog last Wednesday saying that hospice had been brought into her home and her days left here would be few, I have been trying to find my words. That post came two days after I found out that my foster daughters could go home and their days left here in my home would also be few.

Every time I thought maybe I'd be able to find the words, I'd read another beautiful post by one of her friends (like Alece, Mandy and Shannon). I bawled reading this post and even though I kept reminding myself that I just needed to speak from my heart and be myself, I just couldn't do it. Even though this post put into words how you can be so incredibly sad to lose someone that you've never actually "met" (thank you social media), I still struggled. I was thankful for the nearly 700 comments on that post last Wednesday and the well over 100 links on this post to help me not feel so crazy to feel this way about someone I never actually met. I know that my family and friends who live here would NEVER understand, but I'm so grateful to have friends who do.

Finally, I'm sitting in a quiet house with a Green Apple Smirnoff and going to attempt to find some words to share.

I was trying to remember when and how I first came to know Sara (Gitzen Girl). However, I really can't remember. I think either it's one of those things that happened that didn't seem significant at the time, but ended up being something much bigger or something so "fabulous" that I can't remember my life without her blog in it ;)

I did do a little "research" and it appears that the first post I wrote that mentioned her was in February of 2009 in this post. It appears that the first time I actually left a comment on her blog was that same month on this post which is actually a very funny "Flashback Friday" about when she had someone get her chicken on a Friday during Lent since it "wasn't meat"...one of the many reasons people love Sara :)

The month after that, Sara was doing something called "Hump Day Giveaways" which again is super funny because who doesn't enjoy saying "Hump Day Giveaway"?! ;) I left a comment on this post, found out the following day I was a winner, and wrote a rather boastful post on my blog to celebrate. That canvas now hangs in my kitchen and it is a gift I will treasure forever.


In April 2010, I wrote about "bringing Sara" to Holy Week services with me and how that made it that much more special (FYI the rest of that post is really boring and all over the place, but I did write about that ;) ) Knowing Sara and her "circumstances" definitely helped change my views on a lot of things...I open the windows more, I play in the rain more, take more time to look at flowers and listen to nature, and hope I take less of my life and its blessings for granted.


In June 2010, I was completely "star struck" after being included in Gitz Bits (I sent her "Glee Gum") and had begun to refer to myself as a "Gitzen Girl Groupie" (or THE Gitzen Girl Groupie...excuse me ;) ) That was the month I became a foster parent and I was on the receiving end of many prayers and much love and support in that decision and the journey that followed.

The following month, Sara's dad died suddenly and I wrote in this (very long) post that I had read it while I was at work and was so sad for her, especially since she was unable to really be with her whole family during that time. A month or two ago, I shared with her that she and her parents were in one of my dreams. I wish I could get my twitter feed back that far since I don't remember everything, but I remember making some kind of comment to her dad about "checking out early" and he had some kind of sarcastic remark since obviously mine was a bit out of line...she told me that was the kind of response I would have gotten from him. There was more in that dream that I can't remember now, but I am glad I was able to share some of it with her.


In September, 2010, the "little one" (my then 3-year-old foster daughter) and I found this video.



I can't even tell you how many times we watched it or how many nights in a row she asked to "see Sara". I've watched it a few times this past week too because I have also wanted to "see Sara". This is the closest I ever really came to "seeing" her. We made plans to Skype a few times last fall, but it never worked out with her health/our schedules. Last September was the first time I remember telling her that "for real" seeing and/or talking to her was on my "Bucket List"...she laughed and/or made fun of me every time I said it (her exact words in a tweet were "oh my word, I'm not bucket list material, woman! Riley, maybe :)" ) The last tweet I could find from her was about six weeks ago before Jessica's visit. She was SO excited about that visit and I told her I was jealous of Jessica (no offense...she responded that I was jealous of the wrong person!) I reminded her of my "Bucket List" and she responded "we'll get that checked off someday, girl. then you can aim higher :)" Totally Sara :)

In October 2010, I participated in my first (and only) "Take Five Friday" and in December, I linked up to my one (and only) "You: Create" link-up. I was inspired to make a canvas for my teenage foster daughter's 16th birthday. Sara helped me figure out what to put on it by suggesting song lyrics. I decided to use lyrics from Lady Antebellum's song "I Was Here"--"I know it's my destiny to leave more than a trace of myself in this place." Those are some powerful words and I definitely know Sara is leaving WAY more than a trace of herself in this place.

I'm not sure why my "research" didn't find any posts from 2011, but I think it's because 2011 had more "tweets" and blog comments exchanged than anything else. Sara may have been a "big name blogger", but she had a way of making everyone feel like they were the most important person in the world to her. She prayed for you, she rejoiced with you, she cried with you, she was a cheerleader and a devoted friend and family member. In response to a comment I left on one of her (in)courage posts back in May, she told me "hi, sweet girl. you are doing such an amazing with those girls, and I know they will treasure these memories just as much as you do. much love!" That was written just a few days before I thought the girls were going home. Now, as I am just days away of them "for real" going home, they are exactly the words I need to hear. That is Sara...one of the many things about her that will be missed...

Hopefully my struggle to find my words wasn't too painful for anyone else to read, but this blog has always been for me and I want to remember this. It is a little "linky crazy", but at least all (or most) of my "Sara posts" will be in one place whenever I need a reminder to "Choose Joy". Sara is more precious to me than words can say. I regret that there are cards I bought for her that never were sent. I wish I really would have hopped in my car one day and drove to see her (honestly, I was more afraid of any "funky stuff" that I carried on me from being a pediatric nurse than afraid of being seen as a "crazy lady" for randomly showing up on her doorstep!) I'm not sure Sara ever could have met a stranger who didn't soon become her friend...and that is why there are "strangers" all over the world grieving over the fact that this world is losing an amazing person while also celebrating that in Heaven she will be free of the pain she faced on this Earth. Sara, you will be missed, but know that your legacy will live on in each and every person who has read your words, heard your story, been on the receiving end of a tweet/email/blog comment, etc. Who knew that a farm girl from Iowa who couldn't leave her condo could do so much good...only God...and I am SO very blessed that God chose me to be a part of it too. Thank you Sara. And, if any of her family happens upon this post...thanks for sharing Sara with all of us...my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.


Update: Just as I was putting the finishing touches on this post, drinking the last sip of my Green Apple Smirnoff, Sara was taking her last breath. I woke up at 6:00 this morning to get ready for work and saw the posts on twitter. I haven't exactly had time to process since I need to leave for work very shortly, but will be praying for her family and all who love her. I found a scrub top to wear to work that has hearts and stars and the words "Love", "Peace", and "Joy"...I will remember to "Choose Joy".


Also, if you clicked here from Jessica's site and were curious about the red square thumbnail...well, it was supposed to be this--a picture (from my phone) of my canvas on the wall in my kitchen. However, I obviously had some major technological difficulties and had no clue how to fix it ;)

Being Together

The teen is spending the night here again tonight. This is her third night this week and her first weekend night since the girls went back home nearly six months ago. She spent three nights here last week too.

This week was the first week since she started coming back here that she didn't cry. I don't think there is anything wrong with tears, but I'm hoping this means that something we are doing is working. I talk to her pretty much every day, even if it's just a text message reminding her that I love her and to keep her chin up.

She got a B on her Geometry quiz this week. I think she was close to failing Geometry last quarter. She has gotten A's on her last couple English quizzes. She went in for help from her Spanish teacher. She is keeping up with her History reading and doing well on those quizzes too. She's been working on her Speech that's due Wednesday. I'm sure her teachers are curious about the turnaround from mostly D's last quarter to this, but I'm glad she's taking it seriously and is back to believing that working hard is worth it.

Her mom has to approve therapy before the teen can start seeing her therapist again. I tend to agree with her that her mom won't consent if she feels threatened by it. I hope we are both wrong because I believe that her talking to the therapist will really help all three of us in ways that no one else can.

Her friend's plan for a sleepover tonight fell through, so she didn't have to skip it. However, she did get permission to stay here tonight and go to her friend's track meet tomorrow. I was having nightmares about her mom not letting her do anything social this weekend, so am really glad this worked out :) I got to watch "The Help" with her and she shared stories from school and her friends. She yelled at the TV while she watched a baseball game and she sang to my iPod music in the shower...I sort of forget what my life was like before she (and her sister) came into it...never a dull moment now :)

Just being together is a blessing to me and I am so thankful for this time...I do still wish that her mom knew how amazing she is...

Good night.

I Wish She Knew

First of all, my nephew is home from the hospital--yay! His bilirubin finally came down to 10, so hopefully it keeps going down. My sister is very excited to sleep in a bed instead of a recliner (although I'm not sure she'll sleep much with a two week old who has spent the week in the hospital!)

I'm surprised the teen isn't sleeping here tonight. I am, however, proud of her for going home even though it is likely easier to come here.

She sent me a copy of a text her mom sent her as soon as she got home from school. Her mom sent it from her bedroom and did not go see the teen. It seems like her mom talks to her a lot via text message. "U got the dishes and front room spotless sweep, mop. Deal. Wake me up at 8pm." The teen's comment on the message was "I DO help a lot here more than I should". I texted her back that she should help with dishes, floors, laundry and such. I reminded her that she did those things when she was living here without me even asking. I told her that I think her issue is with her mom's approach and communicating of the "chores" and not feeling appreciated for the work that she does do around the house.

I called her on my way home from work since it was before 8:00 and she'd have to get off then to wake up her mom (apparently). I talked to her a little bit about the text and she did seem to agree that it is more the way that her mom "talks" to her that bothers her more than the actual stuff she expects her to do. Once again, she isn't going to be able to change her mom and, even though it is incredibly difficult, she has to try and let the "unkindness" roll off her.

She told me about a speaker she attended after school and that she got another 100% on an English reading quiz (they are reading F@hrenheit 451 :) ) She said she thought her Geometry quiz yesterday went pretty well and she thinks she figured out a topic for her persuasive speech (why you should watch football ;) )

Then, she shared what her friends were doing this weekend. They are staying the night at one girls house tomorrow night so they can all go to her track meet on Saturday. I'm not sure if she talked to her mom about it via text or what, but apparently her mom's response was "WTH I don't know who that is". The teen has never really gotten to go out with friends on the weekends. When she lived with me, that's usually when there were visits (or I was working). She doesn't have a car or a license, so she can't go anywhere without arranging things in advance and she doesn't live by any of her friends.

She was obviously upset about this response since it didn't sound like her mom would do anything like call her friend's mom or try to get any information about who would be there and what the "actual" plans were. I told her about a high school friend who wasn't allowed to stay the night anywhere and I can't really judge her mom for saying "no" to a sleepover since she does seem to have issues with trusting people. I told her to ask her mom if she could go tomorrow night but then stay the night here instead of there and/or see if I can bring her to the track meet on Saturday so she can hang out with her friends there. I said her mom could call me, but I haven't heard from either of them and I'm about to go to bed.

I wish her mom knew what an amazing daughter she has. It makes me cry that she can't see it. Her daughter is loyal. She is a terrific friend. Does she know that having a daughter who doesn't drink, smoke, use drugs, sneak out, or stay out past curfew is pretty awesome? I wish she knew how hard her daughter has worked to catch up in school since she had a 1.9 GPA in the only semester of high school she had before entering care. Does she know that her daughter wants to get a business degree in college so she can start her own business? Does she know that her daughter memorizes the names of college athletes and talks about them like she knows them? Can she see her beautiful smile? Does she know her daughter likes to tell random stories and watch weird Utube videos?

I'm so blessed to know her amazing daughter...I just wish she knew her too.

Life in (Cell Phone) Pictures

I know I need to do a real update about the work situation, but it's been a while since I wrote anything here, so wanted to check in :) I uploaded some pictures from my cell phone to my computer, so thought that would be a fun update.

I've been trying to clean/organize to get ready for the party I was having today/for future foster placements. I found this note and picture from Sara/Gitzen Girl. I miss her...forever and always a "Gitzen Girl Groupie"...

I bought some boots that appear to be at least close to the "trend" as well as a pair of "skinny jeans". My mom gave me the green jacket as well as the striped shirt, so I believe I sent these pictures to her (and maybe to twitter). I know I'm by no means "skinny", but looking back at older pictures during my cleaning make me believe I really did lose nearly 10 pounds last year

I painted one wall in my bedroom when I first moved into this house "beach ball yellow". I tried doing a sponge paint thing but didn't do it right, so it just looked like I got it wet and messed up the paint. However, it took me over eight years to fix it. I bought new bedding on sale (still expensive, but SO comfy!) and painted the walls gray. I really like it!

My mom gave me a gr0up0n for shellac before Christmas. I have done it three times since then and I really like it. I've been a nail biter forever, but can't with this. Now I have nails AND the manicure stayed nice even through the painting project and cleaning/organizing.

I got this really great canvas in the mail from a twitter/blog friend. I hung it in my new gray bedroom on  a nail that was already there but it will probably be moved since it's kind of hidden. (This picture was taken in my kitchen...the wall colors in there are "Bordeaux".)

This purple room is where the little one slept, even though it was/is mostly a junk room. I have done a lot of work in here, but there is still a lot more to do to make it a functional room. I'm not sure if I'll be able to use it as a bedroom again since I was really lucky she never got into anything she wasn't supposed to!

I moved the table to that space (after I cleared it off and removed the stickers...gotta love goo gone!) There used to be an armoire there, but I moved it into the purple room for now since I thought my bedroom seemed too cluttered with it in there.

All week, they were predicting a big snow for today. I went to the store last night and quickly snapped this picture. There were no bananas and very few fruits/vegetables of any kind, but I did get what I needed.

It really did snow and it was a wet and heavy snow that was perfect for snowmen making, but not-so-much for shoveling. It cleared off quickly and the plows came through early, so I didn't have to cancel my party.

I sent out seven invitations to people from church. One couple emailed me soon after they got the invite that they and their two kids would not be able to come. Another person emailed me last night that she had a funeral to go to so couldn't make it. I wasn't sure what would happen with the snow, but everyone lives close and were all excited to get out of the house since it wasn't too bad. There ended up being 9 adults (including me) and 10 kids aged 6 and under. I made Taco Soup (I'll have to post the recipe next time) which was a huge hit and ordered some pizzas. The kids played in my play room and did more playing than eating, so I have quite a bit of pizza left. I wasn't sure how it was all going to work and thought maybe the dads would watch TV in the living room or something and the moms would be down with the kids or a mix of both...I didn't have any plans bedsides the food and getting a craft for the kids to do in case they got bored.

As it turned out, the three dads who could come went downstairs and visited while the kids played. The  kids migrated upstairs as they got hungry and then went back to play. They played with the Barbies, babies, kitchen, paint, markers, pretty much everything in my apparently well-stocked play room :) I was surprised to see how clean it was when they left (these are "after" pictures!) It was so great having something social to do and I think everyone had a good time. One of the moms I invited had never met the others, so I'm glad I was able to include her and her two girls had a fun time with the other kids (there were 7 girls and 3 boys...I need to "get" a little girl to fit right in...sad that I had a little girl who would have and we never got together the whole time she lived with me!)

Well, this is a lot longer of an update than I planned, but that's what's been going on in my life that has been "picture worthy". Tomorrow I am off and get to go have a pedicure with my mom and sister :)

Good night.