The "C" word

My aunt called...she was making "the phone calls" and my mom happened to be at my house. So, I received the next phone call. During the past week, she has had two mammograms and a biopsy. Today she was told it is malignant. Tomorrow she meets with the surgeon. Hopefully they will have a treatment plan after that meeting. The initial pathology report looks like Stage 1. Luckily she works with a lot of pathologists and is feeling blessed about that. My sister is getting married in 10 days. She still hopes to travel here for that. My four years away from home at college were just minutes from where she and her family lived. She became my second mom, sometimes the "first mom". She is the one I call when I can't talk to my mom. She will be a survivor.

Really tired!

I'm not sure why I'm so tired lately. It isn't even 9:00 but I am SO ready for bed! I actually took nearly an hour nap earlier this evening and it didn't seem to help. A tiny part of me is wondering if it's because I've been having cups of sangria every night since I made it on Saturday... I haven't worked at the hospital since Friday and when I do go back, it will be for three days in a row, so I should rest up while I can! I had my annual evaluation at work today. It went alright. My boss did have some nice suggestions on how I can do better, so I have some classes to take to help me with communication, leadership, conflict management, and maybe even something to help me with my emotions (I wish I could afford a therapist...some days I REALLY think I could use one!).

My special assignment with CPS seems to have taken a bit of an intersting turn. I think I have gotten myself into the middle of an agency conflict. I have been working with family support workers from one agency and today during a visit, I received a phone call that I didn't quite understand. So, I had the person I was working with listen and she was able to tell me that this person was from another agency...nice way to find out you are soon to be without a job...oops! I think my job is safe for now...but is that a good thing?! Well, the paycheck is pretty good and I had to dig into my savings once again just to pay bills...oh thank goodness my windows aren't here yet!! I need to work anyway...I've been a little bored these past 4 days of not working all the time (even though there is plenty of stuff I could be doing!).

My celebrity look-alikes

Trying to recover from a not-very-fun week. This looked like fun...oh if only I REALLY looked like that (although the Dakota Fanning thing is a bit interesting!)

Which way is UP?

Last week's issues were caused by hormones and lots of changes. This week I fear I am setting myself up for a breakdown from exhaustion. I like to stay busy so maybe I won't sit on the couch all day and gain more weight than I already do on a regular basis. However, for the past five days, I have either worked a 12 hour shift, worked two jobs back-to-back, or both, including one night shift. AND, I still have probably 30 hours of work left this week. I can feel myself getting crabby already! Why do I do this to myself?! Of course, making money is nice, but one of my jobs has yet to pay me for over 15 hours worked...I'm being patient I promise! I AM having vacation withdrawal and not ready to give up my daily latte, so money is good...I'm just not quite sure that working every day is all that great (that's supposed to be the up-side of working 12-hour shifts...4 days OFF a week!). In all my craziness with scheduling, I managed to sign myself up to work on my mom's birthday, my dad's birthday, my friend's baby's first birthday, the day of the transplant pig roast at the head surgeon's house, and probably the day my sister and her new husband will open their wedding gifts. If my cousin (the "real" maid-of-honor) hadn't called me yesterday, I probably would have forgotten that my sister's bachelorette party is this Saturday at MY MESSY HOUSE! I guess that was a nice reminder that I need to go to the store and do something about that adjective that so perfectly describes my place of residence. Oh what to do what to do...it doesn't look like October will be any less crazy, but I suppose I should try to make it through August first. What day is it again?...I think the doctor (or nurse) orders an early bedtime tonight (after a glass of wine...or maybe a margarita).

Of course, the fact that the heat index has made it triple digits for a week or so now is helping SO much. My grass is about a foot tall but you aren't gonna get me out there mowing in this heat! Oh well, let the neighbors be mad...I'm hot, tired, and crabby.

Change is in the Air

Sunday was my sister's wedding shower. She is getting married in 25 days! On my mom's side of the family, there are 21 grand kids, including 13 granddaughters. This will be the first wedding! Eleven of the girls made it to the shower. Four of my grandpa's sisters and three of my mom's cousins also came. It was SO much fun! I guess that means we are growing up...or at least getting older!

Family changes AND work changes...her last day is next Friday. I found out today that another work friend is changing jobs (it isn't "official" so I suppose that means, no photo on the blog yet!). I pretty much burst into tears when she told me, and proceeded to cry any time throughout the day that I thought about it. Of course, these are wonderful opportunities for both of them...I suppose what more can you ask for than for your friends to be happy?

His mom is the one who painted my spare bedrooms. She also was the "sounding board" for many of my issues this summer...a great new friend. I think I may have helped her too :o) Fortunately, he is better and they were able to go back home this weekend. It was a bit of a "rushed" good-bye, but of course, me being the emotional one, I did shed some tears (to cut myself a LITTLE slack, it WAS right after I just worked my third 12-hour shift in a row and they were pretty rough/emotional ones!). He gets to go to Kindergarten...I'm so happy for them!

I will say that one really good change that has happened recently is that I have some new friends! The Young Adult group at my church is in its early stages. Some of them have been in the group for a year, but I started going a few months ago to various social events. We went to a baseball game and they handed out free bread...how funny is that?! Tonight we had a planning meeting and have some fun events planned, and hopefully some service and spiritual ones too.

Well, I have finished my mint chocolate chip ice cream and this post is complete, so now I can go to bed. Back to work tomorrow...it's hard to believe I've been off for FOUR days! Hopefully things aren't as crazy this week as they were last week!

Is this a good thing?

57%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Houston Singles from Mingle²

Better than 90% I guess!!

A little "clarity"

Today I finally was able to gather my thoughts (or, so I THOUGHT) and decided to talk to those individuals I believed were involved in the "hiring" for the position I wanted. I spoke with one person and asked why they would put out a request for applicants and not even conduct interviews or accept a written statement about why we wanted the position or what we would bring to the program. She bowed out of that one and told me to talk to her boss. I have conflict issues and was pretty impressed that my "instant hives" managed to stay away during this discussion and tried to gear myself up for the next person. Luckily, I managed to have the next conversation over the phone. My emotions got the best at me and I found myself crying my eyes out in an empty room (reminder, I'm at WORK!) as I listened to her also tell me that she really wasn't involved in the "process" because there wasn't really a "process" as far as she knew. I said something to the effect that I didn't get it because I have "brown hair" or lost a game of "eeny, meeny, miney, moe"? I expressed my disappointment and she said they never wanted any hurt feelings, they just wanted the position filled by a qualified, knowledgeable person. While I kept trying to tell myself that it had nothing to do with me, my looks, my personality, or my skills, it was nice to actually hear that (at least, I'll tell myself that's what I heard!). I know that everything happens for a reason and accept that God has other plans for me (one of which involves an "easy" job that pays me $35/hr on my days off from the hospital!). I do also know that there is at least one other person involved in all this who may be getting an earful from me (if I can keep my emotions in check!). I seriously thought that I was a bit of a suck-up, but in this case, my reputation seems to have failed me...or maybe not.

Luckily, my patients "behaved"...the kids in the PICU definitely did not get that memo...it could be a bad week. Lots of prayers.