What are the chances

a two-year-old can be an ANGEL two days in a row?! (or, make that THREE days in a row please!)

My "little one" was awake sometime before 7:30. I woke up a few times before that, and let her talk in her port-a-crib for a little while before getting up. I turned on the light, threw in a few more toys, and hopped in the shower. We ate breakfast and were at the park before 9:00. We stopped at the grocery store on our walk back home and then at a garage sale. It was three houses up the street, and we actually went there three times! I had never met the family, but they look to be near my age and have three kids (go figure...who knew?! I'm obviously not a very good neighbor! Now they know a single pediatric nurse lives three doors down!). I bought quite a few things, including some sippy cups (at the grocery store I bought 2 for $6 and they were selling theirs for 25 cents each! I'm definitely returning those cups!). I bought an infant car seat for $10 and a bouncy seat for $5. I have been doing a LOT of research of things like that, including looking on "craigslist". I think car seats are kind of difficult to buy used, so I was nervous about doing that. However, I have seen this family, and it looks like it has been taken care of. I'm excited about my purchases (and, they "fit" with everything else I have bought--the stroller and port-a-crib are navy blue with cows, the car seat is navy blue with stars, and the bouncy seat is navy blue gingham!)

We went and "helped" my mom while she did some yard work (weeding and planting...we watered!). She went down for a nap around 1:30 and got up a little after 3. We played in the basement for a while, then went to a graduation party. She was SO cute there, talking to everyone. She is SUCH a friendly girl and has the most striking blue eyes (I wish I could take a picture, but since she is in foster care, that is probably not a good idea...I COULD try to just take a picture of her eyes, but am not sure if I can do that). After that, we met up with my friend and her husband for dinner at Applebees. They ended up sitting by her, and I was "inside" the booth. So, she held their hands while we prayed and continued to randomly shout "Amen", especially whenever she touched one of their hands. It was ADORABLE! We are all pretty chatty adults, so she did GREAT sitting through all of that talking! I think it was after 8:00 by the time we dropped them back off at the hospital. My friend is leaving at 5:30 AM to go home for a week. I got a picture with her...maybe I will post it "mid-week" when I am missing our daily text-messaging!

I decided to "take a chance" and bring her to my friend's house for her Open House. I realized that it was VERY close to bed time, but figured we could leave whenever. She did better than I could have imagined, but I could tell when she was tired. That is when we said our good-byes :o) She actually didn't fall asleep until about 10:15. I'm not sure how late she will sleep tomorrow...we did a LOT of outdoor activities today, but maybe that is what she is used to (me, on the other hand...not so much and I am TIRED!). We didn't go to the wedding or the reception, but I guess when you have a kid, sometimes you can't do everything, right?! I'll have to get a gift and/or send a card. I think taking her to church may not be a great idea, but I suppose there is no hurt in trying. We have a couple parties we can attend again tomorrow...that means there will be other people around to help me entertain her :o)

Alright, better go to bed. Early to bed for "mommies", right?! Yeah, right, only when you are mom to a "borrowed child"! Good night!

Really?! Again?!

Seriously, it was MY turn to float AGAIN today! (The fact that there were four nurses who have been there long enough they don't have to float anymore didn't help!) I had to go BACK to the adult cardiac floor. Last time I went there, I had my student with me. She is what kept me from crying. Today, I think I was just annoyed that I was there and that kept the tears away! Taking care of adults is DEFINITELY not my thing! What do you do with a 300+ pound elderly woman who doesn't want to move at all? Good thing I was only there today because I let her sit in a chair all day long (that is pretty awful nursing care considering that's how people get VERY nasty bed sores...hopefully one day of that won't do any damage...). Another patient was just a couple years older than my dad, but he looked more like my grandfather. I guess what he has been through the past six months must have aged him. His kids are younger than I am...that is really sad to me. My other patient was in her late 60s. She was so sweet, but for some reason a grown woman with a "tummy ache" seems equally as sad, or more sad, than a five-year-old with the same issues. Being an "adult nurse" in a hospital is pretty much as sad as being a "pediatric nurse" in a hospital. I guess that's why God made people to be adult nurses just like He made people to be pediatric ones :o)

The good part of my "float" was that I was in one of the other towers of the hospital (okay, so typically being so far away from your "home unit" is not a good thing!). My friend was working two floors above me, so I had lunch with her. It also was kind of nice that everyone was feeling sorry for me having to float from pediatrics (even though no one could do anything to make it better!). I did miss "my people", and by the time I go back to my floor next Wednesday, it will have been NINE days since I saw some of my "faves"!

I picked up my "borrowed child" at 8:30. She played for a little while, we read a few books, we rocked, and then I put her to bed. She talked and sang in the crib until about 10:00! Unfortuately, I'm thinking that doesn't necessarily mean she will sleep in...kids probably don't work like that! SO, I probably should think about heading to bed early so I can shower before she is up and ready to go! We have LOTS of options for our day tomorrow. There is a wedding at 1:30, a reception at 5; a graduation party from 4-8, an open house from 6-?; my friend is leaving to go home early Sunday morning, so I would like to say good-bye since I won't see her for at least nine days (that is "nothing" compared to some of my other friends, but we talk nearly every day, so it will be different!). We could go to the zoo, to the park, to the children's museum, to the botanical gardens...so many choices! Since my house is still not completely "kid-proof", spending as little time as possible inside here is a good idea :o)

Okay, time for bed. Good night!

Thank Goodness!

When my alarm went off at 5:30 and I still hadn't received "the call" to see if I wanted to stay home, I nearly went into "panic mode" wondering how I could possibly make it through a 12-hour shift on less than five hours of sleep. Thank GOODNESS the phone rang 5 minutes later! So, in bed I stayed until nearly 10:00.

I ate breakfast and drank my coffee VERY slowly. Then, I finally decided that I needed to use this day off to do the things I didn't do yesterday or the day before. First, I mowed my lawn (good thing since it has been raining on and off since then and they are forecasting up to four inches of rain overnight!). I did a couple errands, then I FINALLY sent the two emails I have been meaning to send all week (work-related). I nearly finished clearing out my basement (I am going to finish once I am done typing!). It is ready for my weekend guest :o) My living room...well, I still have work to do on that before I go to bed (or I will have to finish tomorrow night while she is in bed!).

I had my friend over for dinner (I invited her earlier in the day and she politely declined, then changed her mind...which I COMPLETELY expected her to do, but it still made me laugh out loud!). Her husband is coming tomorrow and will be here until she gets back (she is going home on Sunday for a little over a week). We had a nice visit too, which was good since it may be a while before we can do that (especially considering when she comes back she will then have four kids here!). Of course, now that my basement is "kid ready" (minus the Barbies and dolls for now, but I'll have those out before they come), in theory, they could entertain themselves while we chat...in theory!

Well, we are in for a big storm and have already had quite a bit of thunder and lightening. So, I'm thinking that calls for shutting down the computer for the night. That could be a good thing considering I have a sink full of dishes and laundry to finished (and need to go to bed at a decent hour considering tomorrow I WILL have to get up early!). Good night!

Massage and a Hair cut

My sister and I went and got massages this morning. It was SO nice! Unfortunately, my back does not feel any better...I guess it is going to take time to heal. I paid for the massages, and my sister gave me a hair cut. Basically a trim, but it hadn't been trimmed in months, so REALLY needed some work! We enjoyed our time together :o) I'm excited to have a new 'do, even it is just a trim!

I was actually kind of productive the rest of the day (aside from an hour and a half nap this afternoon!). I did a couple loads of laundry and got the "guest room" pretty well set up for my weekend "guest". I had my parents come help me move some furniture (actually, they did all the moving because my back hurts when I just lift my purse!). I have a few more things to clear out of the basement and then it should be good to go for this weekend (and then it is a "work in progress" to get it looking really nice!). I brought some dolls and doll clothes from my parents' house, so I need to get those all cleaned up and put into bins or something like that. My living room is still a mess, so I HOPE I have tomorrow off to take care of that!

Some girls from my floor are playing softball on Wednesday nights. They asked me to play, but I decided I would rather play on Tuesdays and it would be hard to get both days off. Their game today was at 9:30, so I decided to go in case they were short players. I coached first base, and then played second base for three batters until the game was over (we got beat by the "mercy rule"...darn!). I actually haven't played much infield and it kind of scares me, but I made a VERY nice stop (followed by a VERY bad throw!). I was pretty proud about that and kind of impressed my co-workers :o) We went to the bar after the game, but I didn't stay long since I am scheduled to work tomorrow. I didn't participate in the "drinking game" they were playing, even though it looked like a lot of fun and I could have played it in such a way that I would not get "drunk". I probably should have jumped in and just played, but hopefully the fact that I was there was enough. Enough for what, I don't know...being respected?!...as if drinking with the co-workers and the manager it what it takes to "fit in"...anyway, it was VERY fun, and I would have stayed longer if there was not a chance I would actually have to go to work tomorrow. As it is, it is midnight, and my alarm will go off at 5:30 no matter what. I am hopeful that I will get the day off, but there is a chance I will have to go (and if that is the case, it will NOT be very fun, especially since the past two days I barely saw the morning, forget being awake when the sun comes up!).

Alright, enough babbling...good night!

A "working" day off

I was "off" today, which basically meant I got to stay in bed until 11, and only had to be at the hospital for five hours instead of thirteen.

I had a class that is to help me in my role as the chairperson of my unit council. Today's class was VERY interesting (the second in a three-part series). I learned a LOT, and am excited to put what I have learned into practice. It is really exciting to see what kind of organization I am a part of. There has been a LOT of work done to ensure that staff nurses play a large role in big decisions that are made regarding organizational policies, procedures, patient care practices,etc. I really had no idea what all was involved in this, or how this really affected me and my job. Today's class also talked about "non-defensive communication", which will be beneficial for me, as a person who likes to run away from conflict!

I went and visited my friend and her baby after my meeting that followed the class. They are both doing well. She is going home next week for a week and is looking forward to seeing her other kids (but it will be really hard to leave her baby!). We ended up going shopping later (to Target and the grocery store...didn't we just do that five days ago?!...oh well, we both needed more "stuff"!).

Tomorrow I am getting a massage and a haircut with my sister. My back has been hurting for a week, so hopefully the massage helps with that. I have not gotten a haircut in months, so that is much needed as well! I did a few things around the house to get ready for this weekend, but have a LOT more to do after I am finished with my "pampering" :o)

I like this "Quote of the Day" for today...so true! "The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes." ~Frank Lloyd Wright; For me, it could be because the longer I live, the more wonderful people God has placed in my life to remind me how truly beautiful (and precious) life is!

Good night!

Memorial Day

I was at work today, but we don't have that many patients, so it was a good day. I am hoping I get Thursday off (looks like I would be the first to get called if it stays "slow", so that is promising!). This was our first holiday as a "holiday team" since they were formed after the winter holidays. I have a good group of nurses on my "team", so I suppose that means I am looking forward to Thanksgiving (ha ha, not really!).

I went to my parents' house after work for dinner. They ate earlier, but my dad made me a yummy hamburger (I don't know WHAT he does to them, but they are always delicious!). My mom and I visited some, but I tried to leave at a decent hour so she could go to bed!

Of course, I planned on getting some work done around my house after that, but I did not do anything. It is now getting close to 11 and I am VERY tired! Tomorrow is my "day off", but I have a class from 12:30-4, and a meeting from 3:30-5 (so, I will be late to the meeting). I'm thinking I will sleep in late and skip the workout (my back is still hurting from last week...I hope there is an opening at the massage school for Wednesday!). Good night!

On this Memorial Day, I say thanks to all those who have served and are serving in the Military. I could not do what you do, and am grateful for all your hard work to keep this country safe, and protect the freedom of all who live here.

Out and About

I couldn't get out of bed this morning in time to make it to choir practice before church. So, I went to 11:00 Mass, but did not sing in the choir. I probably could have slept until noon (or later!), but going to church took priority!

We had brunch at my parents' house. My dad said he made French Toast for over 2 hours and used three loaves of bread! We ate in shifts since everyone came at different times. It was pretty funny! We did take pictures, but I haven't had time to upload them yet. My aunt went back home this afternoon. I think she enjoyed her visit. We will all be together again for our family reunion in August.

After brunch, my sister and I went with my dad to a gathering in the neighborhood where he grew up. A couple that is really good friends with my grandparents celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary (and her 80th birthday!). Their kids, grand-kids, great-grandkids, and many friends were there. It was quite the party! We didn't stay very long because my parents were having people over for dinner.

In between the party and dinner, I finished painting in the basement! I took off the tape, did the touch-ups, and put away the plastic that was covering the carpet! I still need to vacuum, but then I can start putting things where I want them! I bought three "bins" at Target the other day and put some toys in them this evening. I think they will work well, but I may need to get a couple more (I wanted to see how they looked before I bought too many!).

Dinner at my parents was VERY good! After dinner, we sat outside and ended up watching a storm blow in and over. The temperature dropped like 20 degrees in about 20 minutes. It was SO crazy, but SO cool! The sky turned grey, the clouds rolled in, there was thunder and lightning, it rained for a few minutes, and then sky was blue and the sun was out. It seems to have warmed up a little bit more (it was close to 90 degrees today, so my house was pretty hot considering the windows are open!). Hopefully my bedroom is still cool so it is comfortable for sleeping :o)

Well, tomorrow is Memorial Day, but I have to work. So, I should go to bed. Good night!

It is Saturday

and it is almost Sunday! With my crazy schedule, I often have a difficult time remembering what day it is (and hopefully by figuring out what day it is, I can figure out where I need to be and at what time!). When I work during the week, I park in one place. When I work on the weekend, I park in a different place. So, lot of times, I have to remind myself what day it is when I get off so I don't go to the wrong parking garage!

It was Saturday, which means none of the "regular" transplant people were there. That made for a pretty quiet day (especially since they really didn't make any changes). I am almost certain that I sat more during this shift than I did last Saturday, Sunday, and Monday combined! I actually was kind of bored (even though I am SURE there were "extra" things I could have done!).

After work, I went to a graduation party at my parents' neighbors' house. Even though I have met her nephews "a zillion" times, I cannot seem to keep them straight. I am sure I have met this one that graduated from college, but I was just going for the food! They had chips and cheese, Italian sausage with peppers, pasta salad, pizza, cake...I had "thirds" of some things, so there went my diet (ha, ha!).

I have tomorrow off, then back to work on Monday. I really wish I didn't have anything to do because I would love to finish my basement project and start getting ready for next weekend's baby-sitting job. However, there is a lot going on. Of course, it is good things like going to church, seeing my aunt before she flies back home, going to see my grandparents at a party for some of their friends who have been married 60 years, having a cookout with my parents...definitely all good and enjoyable things, but I will feel SO much better once my "project" is complete. Hopefully I'll be able to fit some of that in somewhere (although, I'm quite the "Chatty Cathy", so it is hard to leave social gatherings once I get there! I know a LOT of people and love to talk about what I do and what I have done).

Well, it is 11:00, which is the time I usually go to bed when I have to get up at 6 for work. So, I SUPPOSE I could get up early and go to 9:00 Mass instead of 11 and try to get some stuff done before lunch. However, I haven't sung in the choir in over a month and they sing at 11. That would mean that I could get some extra sleep which probably wouldn't hurt! Good night.

I was given the chance

to stay in bed and have the day off work. Oh it was definitely tempting to say yes. However, after the three days "off" I just had, I decided that going to work for 12 1/2 hours would slow me down! I felt like I had been running here, there, and everywhere seeing how much I could really pack into one day. I kind of thought that going to work would be a nice break! :o) (I also was hoping that saying "no" today would mean that tomorrow it would be my turn, but that is not going to happen...darn!)

I did have a good day at work. I got one admission (the lead nurse helped me a LOT with that one) and sent one kid home. One kid I had the whole day and he wasn't NEARLY as busy as he was when I had him last weekend. At lunch time, my manager asked me if I had taken care of a particular patient last Saturday. I was thinking "oh great, what did that family have to say about me?!" (especially since I was none too thrilled about THEM in the morning, although things did get a bit better as the day progressed). She told me that they had some kind of meeting with lots of people (maybe about some "issues"...I'm not sure) and my name came up...as a nurse they really liked when they were on my floor...really?! That mom said what?! Well, I guess that goes to show that you never know who is watching, and who is going to find out, so you should always be on your "best behavior"! I am VERY glad that she didn't realize how TRULY annoyed I was with her (or how many times I complained about her to anyone who would listen!). That is a good thing for my manager to hear since our annual evaluation time is just around the corner :o) Also, I think that it shows good management to inform an employee about compliments that are made, especially when they are made publicly.

So, I'm definitely thankful that I didn't end up regretting my decision to go to work! It was a good day, I got paid, I took a break from all the stuff I have to deal with at my house; I didn't have to make excuses for not getting everything done because "I had to work a 12-hour-shift" is sufficient :o)

I did cook dinner (and lunch for me and my friend) when I got home. My back and shoulders are still sore, so I think I'll take some drugs and go to bed "early". Good night!

A Year of Blogging

One year ago today, I "bit the bullet", "pulled the trigger", "took a giant leap", I wish I could think of more!, and started a blog. I called myself "Just Me" since I wasn't sure how open I wanted it to be. I thought it should sort of be "anonymous" because of the nature of my work and privacy laws and left things pretty vague (although I am sure if someone wanted to find me, it would not be very hard with a little bit of computer skills!). I titled it "Do I have anything to say?" because I wasn't sure what I would write about, or if anyone would ever read it. I still like that title. I also like what I wrote as my description--"This is my attempt at blogging, even though I live a basically boring life and probably don't have much to say"--although these days, my life has not felt very boring! However, I have decided not to change my layout or those words because that is how it all began.

Here is my first post:
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The first one
Okay, so in the past five months, I have opened a myspace account, a facebook account, and now a blog. No wonder I have gained 12 pounds! I haven't quite figured out myspace or facebook, but read a lot of blogs and it looks like something I can do. Of course, I am not really sure I have anything interesting to say, or if anyone would really care, but figure it was worth a try. Anyway, this is the first one. So far so good.

A year has passed...
I'm still carrying around those 12 pounds, haven't checked my "myspace" in months, and only rarely use my "facebook". So, blogging seems to fit my "needs" (meaning, I can journal my thoughts without worrying about who may read them and what they think...unfortunately, that is not the case for a lot of "bloggers", but so far this is working for me!). I read even more "blogs" now than I did them (and have become a little bit "braver" in leaving occasional comments!). I get a couple "hits" a day now instead of a couple a month, and I'm okay with not having hundreds or thousands of daily visitors! I have a couple of "regular" visitors who leave me encouraging comments (thanks Laurie and Marcie!). I have laughed, I have cried. I have had fun and exciting times, and difficult and discouraging times. I gained a brother-in-law, new friends, new perspectives on life, and created memories (among other things, I am sure!) I have lost a few things too, but this is celebration time! I write a lot longer posts now too!

A year of blogging...when I started this blog, I wasn't sure what I would write about, or how long I would write. Journaling (or keeping a diary) has always been important to me. Having a new venue in which to journal has been fun for me, and often times very helpful.

Here's to another year of blogging! I still have not opened up this journal to many people I actually know. I think I will keep it that way because right now I can write whatever is on my mind without worrying about offending anyone close to me. I am free to be myself, "just me", on the good days and the bad days; when I am happy, angry, upset, frustruated, annoyed; when I just need to "vent", or when I want to write something down so I will not forget it.
____________________________
I am almost done painting! I finished the second coat, but need to take off the tape and do any touch-ups. Then, I need to get everything organized. When it is "finished" (I'm sure I'll eventually want to do the trim or add some furniture or decorations or something!), I will make a slide show of the before and after.

I went to dinner with a friend, then brought my other friend to Target and the grocery store (I was already going and asked if she wanted to come along for the ride). The baby is back on dialysis since his kidneys aren't fully "awake" yet, but she got to hold him and he remains off the ventilator. As sick as he was, baby steps are okay (but it will be SO great when he is well enough to come to my floor and then to my house!).

Back to work tomorrow. My entire body hurts (probably a combination of softball and painting), so I need to take some medicine and go to bed. My birthday is five months from today (so, I figured out that I turn "thirty" in "seventeen months"...not that I'm counting down or anything, it is just a calculation!). Good night!

Mostly Ups

My mom drove my aunt to meet my grandparents at a restaurant for breakfast. I went along for the ride (and for the conversation and yummy food!). My mom has five sisters, and if I had to "pick", I would say this one is my favorite. Of course, since she kind of WAS my mom when I was in college because she lived so close, that makes sense :o) We had a really nice visit, and I LOVE breakfast food! My aunt when the rest of the way home with them, and my mom drove us back so she could go to work. She and I had a good talk as well.

Me, Grandpa, Aunt, Grandma

Um, are we related or what?! (Not a very

good photo of me since I was looking directly into the sun,

but it works, I guess.)

After I got home, I went to Fashion Bug and bought a few things since I had two coupons (I got a shirt, a pair of capris, and a pair of bermuda shorts for $30!). I stopped by Hallmark to get a couple cards. I was home briefly before I went to the hospital for a 3:00 memorial service they held for the little boy who passed away yesterday. It was by far the largest turnout for a memorial service at the hospital with about 80 people in attendence. It was also one of the shortest because hardly any of those people wanted to share their stories with the entire group. What great support for that family...there were nurses from multiple floors, doctors from multiple services, ancillary support workers, nursing assistants, other parents...and more. It was really nice to see that. And, while there were tears, there were also some good stories and memories shared about a very special little boy.

After the service, I went and visited my friend and her baby. While I was there (I was there over an hour!) they took the ventilator out of his room. They also removed the dialysis machine because he has been peeing! Physical Therapy came to work with him (he is pretty weak after being so sick for so long, plus having major surgery). He was not liking it very much, so I couldn't get a smile, but he looks really good! (The one on the left was actually one of the last days he smiled until after he came off the ventilator last week. He looks even sicker in other "before" photos, and looks better in some other "after" pictures)

I vegged at home for a little while before I went to spend time with the little girl I will be baby-sitting next weekend. She is a really sweet girl and I think we will have fun (it will probably be more work than I can imagine, but it will be a GREAT experience!). Her mom gave me some toys, and told me what her normal schedule/routine is, so that will help!

I left THERE around 8:30 to go pick up my friend for dinner. She said she would take me out to the Olive Garden since I paid for her ice cream and picked up her pictures, etc. I decided to let her do that (and we both probably ate more than we should have, but it was SO good!). She was a little worried about the way her son was breathing when she left. Hopefully he can stay off the ventilator. I guess if he can stay off dialysis and the ventilator for a few days, he could be working his way up to the general floor and out of the hospital! Not to get too excited because these kids can change in status with a blink of an eye, but praying that is the direction he is headed...out to the "real world" to see the sunlight, feel the rain, and all the wonderful things that await him.

So, mostly good stuff today. That was refreshing. I did get a little overwhelmed for a while because I am feeling like all I do is "go go go and then go some more". That doesn't really seem like how it should be when you are young and single and it was kind of stressing me out! There is another transplant patient whose mom has called me a couple times. I REALLY want to help her out because she is pretty stressed out and would love to have some adult conversation . Unfortunately, yesterday and today ended up being so crazy that I have yet to finish my painting. I need to finish my painting, so I can organize that room, so I can then organize my living room and office, so that it is ready for when I baby-sit next week. Therefore, I NEED to do that tomorrow, which leaves very little time to do something that would involve a bit of planning...especially since I have already planned to have dinner with another friend tomorrow night, and then work on Friday and Saturday. Gosh, all this thinking makes me tired (well, I suppose the fact that it is after midnight means I have another reason to be tierd besides thinking and stressing out!). Okay, good night!

Let it out

I definitely slept well last night, but eventually rolled out of bed around 10:00. My friend texted me at that time that her baby made two wet diapers...maybe his kidneys have woken up! That would be SO great!

Before I left for Curves, I checked my email. I found out that another one of our patients passed away at 9:15 this morning. I'm thinking this could be close to 10 in the last 6-8 weeks. This one was particularly difficult since he had been one of "our" patients for about three years. He was such a sweet boy and has great parents.

I decided to buy four windows to "finish off" my house. They are "triple-pane" and VERY nice (over $600 each!). I think they will help with energy costs, plus the windows I have cannot be opened and the paint is chipping so it is time. Good-bye "extra cash"!

Then, I mowed my lawn. While I was mowing, I nearly had a meltdown. Twice this morning I said something about another kid dying, but that seems to happen all the time recently. I said that's pretty much what happens when you deal with the sickest kids in the country. One of the hazards of the job. WOW. How absolutely terrible I felt! I hadn't actually cried about ANY of those kids. How sad is that?! I don't want to be THAT person. I don't want to be someone who doesn't get sad when kids die because it is "expected" that many will. This whole concept made me want to cry. How could I say those kinds of things?! I never want to become "numb" to the grief and sadness that comes when a child dies. Of COURSE it is sad when a parent loses a child, no matter how old they were, no matter how sick they were, or how long they fought. I DO know that and I DO believe that. So why did I say such "heartless" things? Maybe those conversations were more of an "act", or a way to protect the other person in the conversation from having to "take on" my sadness? Sharing grief with friends, family, and co-workers is one thing, but bringing "strangers" and "acquaintances" is not nearly as appropriate. I sure hope that is the reason because the alternative...I can't even imagine.

So, I started to feel like less of a crappy person, and tried very hard to keep the tears from flowing. At this point, my friend (baby's mom friend) called to see if I wanted to get ice cream with her. Oh how wonderful is God's timing?! A walk, a friend, ice cream...a therapist probably couldn't have ordered anything better! Of course, I was unable to hold back my tears for long, but think my meltdown would have been a lot worse had I been sitting alone at my house on my computer (or alone trying to get my painting finished). We stopped at the store to print out some pictures (it was "Ten-cent Tuesday"). I ended up breaking the machine...it was REALLY broken and I felt very badly about that! I got some sense knocked into me when I walked into a stop sign (well, some kind of sign that was attached to a stop sign...I'm not THAT tall). It was SO great to spend time with my friend (even though I felt badly about involving her in my meltdown...I am sure she is dealing with stuff too because she is living in the PICU where it has not been a very happy place).

My softball team lost (we stopped the game when they were beating us by 10 runs). I think we can come closer to that next time, and maybe even beat them. My aunt from Tennessee is in town and my mom and I are taking her halfway to my grandparents' house tomorrow. My mom said we are leaving "no later than 8:30". Since it is after 11:30 and I still have to shower...I should probably stop journaling for today. It's been a while since I had such a meltdown, but thank God for great friends and family! I am so blessed. Good night.

If I had a fork

I would have said "stick it in me, because I am 'done'".

Last night when I was laying in bed, I realized my feet were sore. Right now, they are tingling and I really should have taken time to soak them or SOMETHING. That also makes me think that I also should consider seeing a podiatrist, but that has been low priority for so long, why "go there" now?! I nearly had a meltdown around 4:00 this afternoon, but managed to "suck it up" and the last 3 1/2 hours went smoothly. We ended up being able to figure out something so I did not have to do hourly dressing changes. I'm pretty sure the baby was as excited about that as I was! That poor kid was SO exhausted after over 72 hours of hourly cares. I took care of a kid today that I only had for a couple hours yesterday. He is SO cute and his mom is REALLY sweet (of course, yesterday and the day before he threw some MAJOR tantrums, so I'm thinking he wasn't so cute then, but I had him on a good day!). So...looking on the bright side, these three days could have been much worse (and, I think Saturday was the "worst"...having worst first is probably better than worst last). In those three days, four kids got sent to the PICU for such things as seizures, turning blue, not breathing, having wounds burst open...hourly dressing changes was frustruating, annoying, exhausting, but nothing like the stress that comes with having a kid get that sick so fast.

I decided I needed some fresh air after all this, so went to watch my dad's softball team play. I was there for most of the second game and coached first base. They ended up losing, but they played pretty well and there are REALLY nice girls on the team.

I set up a "dinner date" with a friend for Thursday. That will be fun. I also talked to the baby's mom briefly after that. She is doing okay. I am off the next three days, so maybe we will "do lunch". One of these days, I need to finish painting, but I'm thinking tomorrow could be like a "day of rest" for me...or, maybe I will get a "second wind" and be ready to "get 'er done". (Wow, that's a paragraph with a lot of "catch phrases"!)

Getting "punchy" so better get ready for bed. Good night!

2/3 Done

Today was a LOT better than yesterday! Thank goodness because I'm not sure WHAT I would have done--I am sure I would not have been a "happy camper" and probably pretty crabby! I think I fell asleep before 10:30 which I am sure helped things. I still had to do every hour on the hour dressing changes, but I just had one other patient until 5:00 and the nursing assistants helped me A LOT! Two down, one to go...tomorrow is MONDAY, but I'm hoping that the craziness of the day will not affect me :o) (I WON'T let it affect me...I suppose that's a better way to think about it!)

Today was not such a great day for the baby. Around 4:30, one of the other nurses pointed to his name on the census and said "this kid isn't doing very well...there are a LOT of doctors in there". I quickly ran to get my phone to see if my friend had left me a message. We "texted" back and forth for a little while and then I went to see her after I got off. It sounds like he is more stable now, but he is back on the ventilator. Now I'm really glad I got to see him yesterday when he was happy. My friend is doing okay. Of course, she had to deal with some "drama" at home today too (but realized that she can't REALLY deal with them, or worry about them...I love how people can do that!). I'm glad I wasn't as tired as I was last night so was able to spend a little time "chatting" without feeling like I was going to fall over from exhaustion. I cooked a HUGE dinner so I can bring "leftovers" for us to eat for lunch tomorrow. Today the nurses on my floor ordered Chinese. I split my meal with her (and got an additional soup for her...I "double checked" to make sure the person picking up the food was "okay" with that...remember that whole "mean people suck" issue from a few months ago?!) which worked out great because this restaurant gives you SO much food and I would have been tempted to eat more than my share.

Alright, I've set myself up to be able to go to bed "early" again tonight...now, if I can only get myself there (I'm actually having a second helping of dinner and trying to catch up on my TV watching, so not sure how that will work out...). Good night.

Not a Vacation

Obviously someone heard about me thinking going back to my job would be a vacation compared to the work I have been doing the past couple days. Today was anything BUT a vacation! I was busy ALL DAY LONG and it was not too fun!

The shift started with a "Code Blue" being called. (The kid is doing better and it wasn't a "real" Code Blue, but it made for a busy change of shift.) I was not involved in that directly, but that led to me having to get a transfer from the PICU rather quickly. The mom of that patient was rather impatient and had some pretty unreasonable expectations for 8:00 in the morning. That did not get my day off to a very good start. One of my other patients had dressing changes I had to do every hour on the hour. By 4:00 I was pretty fed up with that and finally had someone come help me. It is a REALLY frustrating process and I'm not really looking forward to doing it again tomorrow. Luckily, the baby is really cute (and does VERY well with all that "messing" we have to do to him!) :o) Also, good thing my THIRD patient was not needy at all (not "cares wise" OR "parent wise) because he probably would have ended up with the short end of the stick anyway. My lunch break was short since I had to fit it in between dressing changes and other cares. I never did get my coffee or my breakfast... At least I wasn't the only one that was busy because that would have made the day even worse. I did get quite annoyed when one nurse sat and chatted for at least an hour, but suppose I didn't have very many things I could have delegated to someone else. I also was annoyed that a family I know came up to visit and I had to work the whole time they were there. I spent a lot of time with the girls when they lived here, but haven't seen them since before their brother died in September. I was so busy that I barely had time to talk to them (I did get a picture, but am too tired to upload photos right now).

I went and visited the baby when I got off. He looks REALLY good! His kidneys haven't started working, but he is now only on 10 hours of dialysis. He held my finger for a while when I was visiting with my friend (pretty hard too...he's a strong boy!). My friend said he likes me (to which I replied "good thing, or you would have to say good-bye to me!") It is an answer to so many prayers that he is doing so well right now. Of course, his road remains tough, but he is awake and smiling and that is so great! Now that he is off the ventilator I am more comfortable going to visit.

My parents stopped by on their way home and both of them are impressed by my painting job. I'm thinking that makes some of the hard work worth it! It will be SO nice when it is finished and I am really excited about that! I was WAY too tired to do any work on it when I got home (I am nearly to the point of being so tired that I feel sick...I need to go to bed soon). I'm not sure if I will have energy tomorrow night either.

Good night. (Trying to go to bed early tonight!)

Small Favors

I ran out of paint, which meant I was able to quit for the day/night. I had set my alarm for 11:00 because that pretty much needed to be "quitting time" since I work in the morning. There is NO WAY I was going to be finished before 11:00, but MAY have gotten JUST close enough that I would have felt like I had to stay up to complete the project. This way is a LOT better!

I talked to my mom and she is going to try and pick me up another gallon of paint tomorrow. She stopped by on her way home and told me that it looks good (thanks mom!). She also hooked up my hose (my dad had unhooked it for the winter...) and watered my plants/flowers...they were dying since it hasn't rained in a few days (OH, you are supposed to WATER those things?!).

Okay, I'd better "rest up" for my three days of work (as if these four days off were free of work...I'm thinking work could feel like a vacation!). Good night.

Whose idea was this again?

Oh yeah, it was mine. Next time I decide I need to paint a room in my house I either need to be reminded of these two days or get someone to help me!

I have taken about a five hour break, so it is time to start up again (and hopefully finish a LOT earlier than last night because I have to be at work at 7). During my break, I did do some fun things. I walked to the grocery store (it was a GORGEOUS day, so sad I spent most of the day inside painting). This evening, I went to a foster parent dinner. Even though I am not a foster parent yet, I was invited by the mom of a little girl I will be watching in a couple weeks. I knew quite a few people there since they are foster parents of some of our transplant kids. A couple of them had kids pass away this year, so it was nice to be able to give them hugs and let them know I am still thinking about them. I think I will be able to stay pretty busy doing respite care, but that is on "my time" so I can do as much or as little of it as I want (and can give the kids back at a scheduled time...that's what I am used to doing anyway!).

I "texted" a few times with my friend about her baby. He came off the ventilator yesterday and so far doing well. He was in a swing for a while today, and she is able to hold him easier and probably more often. Next step is to get his kidneys working...this week breathing, maybe next week kidneys?! Continuing to pray for pee :o)

Alright, enough "stalling". Back to painting...

That's Gonna Hurt

I just finished the first coat of paint on my basement project. Already my neck, back and arms are sore and I pretty much HAVE to do the second coat tomorrow (I mean, later TODAY!) because then I am not off again until Tuesday (and, I'm thinking I won't want to do much of anything after working three days in a row!). I thought that I was a person who liked to paint...now I'm not so sure. And, I know why the bedroom painting job last summer was so much fun...I got to visit with my friend while SHE did the work (she wouldn't let me help anyway!).

So, it will be 2:30 in the morning by the time I get into bed. Another fun-filled day of painting awaits me...oh joy...just a reminder that this was MY idea...maybe that will help!

Painting is Hard Work!!

I am still planning to get the first coat of paint on today, but it is a lot more work than I remembered! Of course, the other three rooms that have been painted at my house were bedrooms, so a lot smaller than the basement. I painted one wall of my bedroom by myself, so that wasn't too much work. The second bedroom that was painted I did with a friend. The third bedroom was mostly done BY a friend, so of course that wasn't NEARLY as much work for me!

I did get kind of a "late start" on starting my project because I went to work out, got my vacuum fixed, stopped by my sister's to borrow a step ladder, actually went to buy the paint, and got my minutes from last week's meeting edited. I washed the walls, taped, and got the carpet all covered. So, not TOO bad, and hopefully I won't be up too late!

I went to a friend's house for dinner and hung out with her, her husband, and her "baby" (he is already 20 months old!). It was nice to catch up with her. She doesn't live TOO terribly far from me (only about a 20 minute drive), but we don't get together very often. We went on a walk which was fun too.

Well, I best be getting back to work on my "project"...I did take some "before" pictures, so will post those when I am done. Good night (sort of!).

Hi-Cal Day

I definitely went over my calorie allotment for the day! (I'm pretty sure I do that most days, but today was exceptional!)

My day started off with coffee and scones at my friend's house. We had a GREAT visit (it had been a while since we "chatted" and it was nice to catch up). She and I have been friends for a LONG time! (probably since her daughter was born, and she is in 7th grade!) She has "talked me through" many different "issues" over the years, and also helped me celebrate the fun and exciting times.

I puttered around my house for quite a while after that (and, actually don't think I did any snacking during that time which could be my "saving grace"). I ran the dishwasher and did a little bit of organizing. I'm not quite sure if I will be ready to start painting tomorrow since I still have some work stuff to do, but hopefully I can be "speedy" with that and then get to work!

I picked up my friend from the hospital at nearly 2:00 (the team hadn't done rounds yet, but she was hungry and decided not to wait any longer!). We went to a Greek place and I had my FIRST Gyro! (It is kind of fun that I had my first gyro with her...that will be a nice memory! The "serendipitous" part of THAT story is that JUST last night, my parents were telling me the best place in town to get gyros. I informed them that I had never had one. When my friend called me, she suggested we get gyros for lunch...I knew EXACTLY where to go to get a good one...craziness!) It was DELICIOUS! We stopped by the post office so she could mail a care package to her family. I had to stop by Employee Health, then at Walgreen's and the grocery store on the way home.

I wasn't home long before I left again to attend a baby shower for one of the nurses. Of COURSE I was still stuffed from the gyro, but how can you NOT eat at a gathering like that! I actually didn't do TOO badly and had some fruit and veggies (with my Bud Light), but probably shouldn't have even tried to fit anything else in my stomach. It was fun, but I couldn't stay very long because I had a meeting at 7:00. Of COURSE the meeting (an information session about the International Transplant Nurse Society) was at The Olive Garden! I was COMPLETELY stuffed, but decided I HAD to get something. I ended up getting a dessert drink with Kahlua, Amaretto, ice cream, chocolate syrup...now THAT is some healthy stuff!

It isn't even 11:00 yet, but I'm tired and going to try and go to sleep. I did vacuum the basement (with my partially broken vacuum...I need to take it to the repair shop tomorrow) and moved what little furniture there is to the middle of the room. I DEFINITELY need to go to Curves tomorrow (AND probably should go running too, but hopefully I will be painting, and that is at least a TINY bit of exercise!).

Good night!

Win Number Two!

Well, it was a pretty crazy game, but my softball team ended up winning 8-7! We were down 6 (0r 7...we had a little scoring issue) to zero, but ended up scoring 6 in one inning to make it a closer game. Somehow we got a "triple play" when the bases were loaded, scored a couple more and WON! It was SO much fun (especially since we were playing against some "hard core" softball players!). I'm REALLY looking forward to this season! I got two hits, tagged a girl out at home, and threw a girl out at third for part of our "triple play". I would consider myself "the weakest link" (or possibly the second weakest link), so it makes me happy to contribute something besides positive energy!

My day started at 5:30 when I woke up with an awful pain in my left calf. I had a baseball size lump in my leg that hurt like crazy. I jumped out of bed and hobbled to the kitchen for a glass of water. Thankfully, it went away as quickly as it came on (I know sometimes those kinds of things can last a while!) and I went back to sleep. The funny thing is that my alarm ALWAYS goes off at 5:30 on the days I work, but don't ever actually SEE that time on the clock because I quickly press "snooze" with my eyes still closed. Today, though, I DEFINITELY saw 5:30.

I got up around 9:00 to get ready for my meeting at the hospital. We got done about 30 minutes early, so that was nice. I was able to present some information from my meeting last Thursday (even though I haven't actually gotten all that stuff organized yet!). I had planned on taking my friend to the post office to mail a package, but we decided that I would come back later to get her since she had lunch plans.

I forced myself to mow my lawn because it was threatening rain, and I knew I couldn't wait much longer. I'm glad I did, though, because my lawn looks pretty darn nice when it is freshly mowed! :o) I still need to work on the garden and the back yard doesn't have much grass, but the front and side yards look good!

I didn't end up picking up my friend until after 5:00, so we will do our post office errand tomorrow. She came over and ate dinner with me anyway. I was planning to cook anyway and she is good company, so why not share?! I actually didn't even have to go get any ingredients because I had everything I needed. Today was a busy day for her AND for her son. The doctors are hopeful that he will be able to be taken off the ventilator soon. His kidneys haven't "woken up" yet, but the doctors aren't worried, so she is trying not to be either.

She and I "hung out" until I had to go to my game. I visited with my mom after the game until nearly 11:00! It's nice to be able to listen to her and help her sort through some things after ALL the MANY MANY times she has had to listen to me and my "issues"!

Okay, so it is midnight and I'm meeting a friend for coffee, so should go to sleep. Good night!

Four Days

Yep, four days until I have to go back to work (except for tomorrow when I just have a meeting from 10-12). Two of those days, I actually have NOTHING planned! I'm contemplating tackling my basement project this week (maybe that will keep me away from shopping for a little while...stroller two weeks ago, pack and play last week, next could be a car seat or high chair...maybe I should wait a week!). I think I have decided on "khaki shorts" as the color, and possibly doing some kind of green accent (or, paint a couple of the walls green, or a green stripe of some sort...haven't decided all the details and I'm not THAT creative!).

I was SO lucky at work today! I just got my two patients from yesterday, so figured that I would be one of the first to get an admission. We only ended up getting one admission all day and it went to a different nurse. For most of the day, I just had one patient since both of them went off the floor for lengthy procedures at different times. I definitely enjoyed that and could hardly believe that I never had to take an admission (making up for those days last week that were kind of crappy I guess)! I got off a little early and went to help my dad with one of his softball games. I got to coach first base. We lost 2-3 (that's pretty bad for SLOW-PITCH SOFTBALL!). His other team lost too.

I talked to my friend with the baby for almost an hour on the phone. I think we will meet up at some point tomorrow since she needs to mail a package to her family (one of her daughters is having a birthday on Saturday). She seems to be doing alright (except for the fact that I talked her ear off!). One of the patients in the PICU passed away today, so I imagine that affects all of the parents who have kids down there. When you are essentially living there I am sure you get to know/meet a lot of different people. Praying for that child's family tonight, and for everyone who is grieving the loss of a child.

I need to take out the trash and go to bed. I'm pretty tired, but at least I kind of get to sleep in a couple hours later tomorrow! Good night.

Happy Mother's Day!

I LOVE MY MOM!!

I had to work today, but it was a good day. I got done a little early, so got to spend a couple hours with my mom after I got off. She and my dad ate dinner with my sister and brother-in-law, but my dad "re-cooked" the steak and made potatoes for me to eat while I had a glass of wine with my mom. She and I had a nice visit (including about 45 minutes IN the front doorway after she told me she wanted to go to bed early...I SWEAR she was the one doing the talking!). She nearly cried when she opened my card...turns out she bought the exact same one for HER mom! I'm glad I was able to spend time with her...even though I was a little disappointed that I was going to be served "left-overs" because she ate dinner with my sister earlier, but it all worked out (MY food may have even been better than theirs!)!

As soon as I got home from my mom and dad's house, one of my aunts called me. She was my "mom" when I was in college, so we have a special relationship (although, I haven't been the GREATEST at keeping in touch!). I sent her a card and she was calling to thank me. She is coming to town next week, so hopefully I will be able to spend some time with her.

Today I actually went down and saw my friend's baby in the PICU. Last week she kind of hinted that it was "okay" for me to come visit. The timing was right today, so I decided to do it. (I am not a big fan of seeing kids on ventilators, and even less of a fan of some of the people who work in the PICU...that combination, along with the fact that I tend to not place myself in uncomfortable situations...I haven't actually SEEN him since before transplant.) I'm glad I "sucked it up" and did it, especially because I think my friend wanted me to. He actually looked better than I expected. He looked really peaceful, and comfortable, and it wasn't obvious that a machine was breathing for him. (That could be one of my "issues" with ventilators...some of the kids I have seen on them were not getting better and it was clear the machines were doing what their bodies were not able to do...and would not be able to do again.) He had a high fever today, but was doing better this afternoon. Not exactly what she "planned" for her mother's day, but he is here, and that is a gift in itself (and, she was able to take a nap this afternoon...EVERY day, ESPECIALLY Mother's Day should include a nap!).

Praying today for lots of things--thanksgiving that God gave me an AMAZING mother, and many other wonderful women in my life who are like mothers to me; for moms who are missing their children; for children who do not realize how important their mothers are; for women who are unable to have children...all sorts of prayers lifted up today.

Well, it's late and I work again tomorrow...we have a LOT of "open beds" and tomorrow is Monday, so it could be a crazy day! Good night!

Out and About

I hardly spent any time at home today, but did manage to get a little bit of laundry done and ran my dishwasher, so I guess that is something!

I didn't get up until nearly 10 (I LOVE my days off!!). I went to have breakfast with my mom at 11 (she makes me oatmeal or cream of wheat...love it!...today we had oatmeal). Then, I helped her with a little moving furniture/dusting project (Happy Mother's Day!). It was nearly 1 by the time I left her house, then ran errands. I went to six stores (bought a few things at half of them, browsed at the rest) and to a nurses' week event that was at a little shopping center. I received an invitation in the mail and it was presented like there were going to be lots of prizes and giveaways, which was NOT the case at all (a cookie and a bottle of water does NOT constitute "food"!). So, I was a little disappointed about that, but it poured down rain most of the day, so I guess I didn't have anything else to do (although, staying inside on a rainy day could have been a nice option!). I did buy a pack-and-play online from Amazon.com in the same pattern as the stroller. I'm pretty excited about that!

My friend came to Mass with me, then came over for dinner. I only made a main dish and dessert this time, but it was pretty filling, so we were okay :o) I'm gathering recipes from our dinners for us to remember some of our fun times! I cook EASY things that she will be able to make when she goes back home. They may have figured out what is causing her son's fevers and will do a procedure on Monday that will hopefully fix the problem. They are doing a little bit of a "kidney challenge" to see if they will start working if the dialysis is off for longer. This wasn't very successful the last time, but hopefully time has done some healing and they are ready to make some urine! (Praying for pee!)

I went to the high school graduation party for the daughter of one of my elementary school teachers. I remember when she was born (I had the teacher for third AND sixth grade) so that is kind of crazy! Of course, a kid from the first family I baby-sat is getting his PhD in Physics, so I guess I already feel old!

Back to work tomorrow. This time for "two in a row", so I probably should try and go to sleep. I REALLY should get on some kind of sleeping schedule! However, I guess I just catch up on my sleep on my days off, and as long as I don't get crabby at work because I haven't slept as much, that's okay, right?! I suppose this would be a downside to having a kid...I'm pretty sure that would take control of my sleep/wake schedule rather quickly!

Good night!

My New Wheels

The stroller I bought online last week arrived today! I'm excited to have my own stroller, and yes, it is COW print! There was some "assembly required", but I enjoy putting things together so it was fun. I guess some particular infant car seats can snap right on the front of it. I'm thinking I will purchase a port-a-crib before a car seat, but I've definitely been doing some investigating. I wasn't sure what to expect with this stroller since it was on sale, and wasn't originally very expensive. It seems pretty durable, but I guess having a kid in it will be the true test of that!

Even though my patients were picked for me again this morning, I had a VERY good day with them! I didn't leave my house until 6:45 because I could NOT get up after having such a hard time sleeping last night (plus, I knew there were a couple people working today who always get there early and are pretty vocal about their choice of patients, so I decided to stay in bed longer and get ready a little slower!). We were a bit over-staffed today which probably is what made the day seem to go so nicely. We also had a LOT of kids leave, and only one or two come in. A nurse from one of the home health companies bought us all sandwiches, and quite a few of us had brought in stuff for a "pot luck", so we had quite a feast in celebration of Nurses' Week! I got off on time and went to visit my friend in the PICU before I left (we are SUCH nerds...we talked on the phone for 10 minutes while I was on my floor in the conference room and she was in her son's room the floor below before we decided we could just meet outside the PICU and actually SEE each other while we talked!). She posted pictures of her holding the baby on her Care Page. I picked one of them to post here. He was pretty busy with tests and therapy (PT/OT) today so I don't think she was able to hold him today. Yesterday was a special early Mother's Day gift for her! She is planning to come to church with me again tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to that.

Well, I suppose I should get ready for bed since I need to force myself to get up at a decent time and be productive tomorrow (I work again on Sunday and Monday). So, Good night!

Happy Mom!

(Sleeping Baby!)

Still Burning

My ENTIRE body is still burning from playing catcher on Tuesday night (and maybe a little left over from the run). From my hands to my shoulders, from my back to my thighs, to my calves and feet...I ache EVERYWHERE! (Of course, I must confess that I did not do any stretching after the game...I'm thinking when you are closer to 30 than 20 you are supposed to do those kinds of things!). Thank goodness I didn't work today because my body was less functioning today than it was yesterday (I'm sure the work I did AT work yesterday didn't help my whole achy muscle situation!).

Anyway, at least it is a muscle issue that will resolve with time...I'm not REALLY hurt or have any illness so I am thinking that I should not complain...HOWEVER, this is my JOURNAL, and HOPEFULLY this will limit the amount of moaning that other people have to hear! :o)

I spent much of the morning and part of the afternoon at the hospital...yes, my "day off". I had a meeting that was scheduled from 9:30-11:30. I had to get there early to print the agendas, and it ran until 11:45. The CNO was coming to discuss some changes from 12:30-1, so I needed to stick around for that. Luckily, I was able to spend time with my friend in the PICU waiting room during my "down time". She sat with me while I ate which was SO nice! She got to hold her baby today and I am just SO SO SO happy for her! He remains on the ventilator and dialysis, but the nurse today got him dressed in "real clothes" and she said that he was really calm while she was holding him (the lowest blood pressures he has had in a while). Moms are GREAT! I hope she gets to hold him every day now. She said that Child Life took a picture, but she hasn't sent it to me yet...I can't wait to see it! (I just read her Care Page update and she got to hold him for 2 1/2 hours!) I didn't leave the hospital until after 1:30 because the meeting went a little late.

I picked up some paint color options for my basement at the hardware store and my family helped me pick a couple colors. The paint is on sale and I have a few days off next week, so I may even start this project right away! I went to a jewelry party at my aunt and uncle's house and somehow volunteered to host a party at my house. That will be in June some time (the hostess is a friend of my cousin's and tonight was her first "show"). Having a party is a good motivator to get organized! Things are starting to come together on that front, and I think using my basement space better will help (right now there isn't really ANYTHING down there besides random stuff that is there because I haven't need to find a "home" for it yet!).

I took a LONG nap this afternoon, so of COURSE I'm hardly tired now even though it is after 11:00! Oh well, I guess I should at least get INTO bed and close my eyes because 5:30 comes no matter what time I fall asleep! Good night!

Worn Out

How is it that when I am off for a couple days and wish I could get my patients back it rarely happens (unless I get to work SUPER early or put up a fight), but when I'd rather not, then everyone thinks they are doing me a favor by giving them back to me? Sunday was challenging, and I wrote about how that affected me physically and emotionally. While both of those patients have FABULOUS families, I was gladly willing to give someone else a chance to care for them. My two days off were not "days of rest", and I was hoping for an "easier" day. Of course, showing up last means I should not complain, but then again should it REALLY be "first come, first served" when the assignments are not split evenly?

I stayed busy all day and, while it actually was less of a draining day than Sunday, some situations occurred that brought my stress/anxiety level sky high. I felt a loss of control, and also that I wasn't able to provide the absolute best care to all of my patients. I HATE that feeling and it just made things worse. So, I was stressed, frustrated, anxious, flustered, and achy (from playing catcher in my softball game last night...my thighs, back, and shoulders are SORE!). I tried to take a deep breath, calm myself down, and decided I was going to have a beer when I got home (yes, my mom already told me that alcohol will not solve my problems or make a bad day better...I got that!). That seemed to help. What also helped was that once I stepped back from the situation and payed attention to what the families were telling me...they actually thought I was doing a pretty good job (and, once I got home and "reflected" on the day...it could have been a LOT worse too!)! My emotions REALLY take over when I feel like my patients aren't getting the attention they deserve. I was almost in tears multiple times this afternoon, but am proud of myself for not getting emotional in that way this time! While I know I shouldn't need reassurance from the patients/families, it definitely helps when I'm feeling like I'm doing a crappy job.

Tomorrow I lead my second unit council meeting. I didn't email my agenda until 10:30. It's after 11:00 and I still have quite a bit of reading to do to prepare for it (and I'm TIRED, so I'll probably fall asleep reading those policies and procedures!).

The baby is still having fevers on and off, but hanging in there (he is awake and able to look around and move some). His mom/my friend seems to be doing well. She wore one of her new "Fashion Bug" outfits today and looked SO cute! :o) She actually came over and had a beer with me after I got off, which was really nice (I offered on a "whim" with a text messge in the midst of my stressful moments, not at all expecting her to say yes, but it was a pleasant surprise that she decided "why not?!"). I introduced her to my parents briefly this evening (they had some left-overs and decided to share them with us!). Here is part of what she posted on her Care Page this evening--"I'm always amazed at the stories I hear. I look at our journey and think, "What an amazing story we have." but then, I meet someone and learn of someone else's journey and realize, it's not about us. It's about Him. God is constantly revealing himself to me through those I meet. How cool is that!!!" Oh how blessed I am that God brought her into my life...what an attitude she has...I hope it is rubbing off on me!

Time to go read...good night!

Happy Nurses' Day!

My hospital is celebrating "Nurses' Week" all week long, but today is the actual day. And a WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL day it was! (not just because it was a day to celebrate nurses!) The weather was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS! (And now it is raining with forecast of thunderstorms, so that makes it perfect in my opinion...I LOVE thunderstorms at night!).

I didn't work out this morning (had to sleep in after staying up so late!), but I did get some exercise anyway. I went to the Senior Retreat at my high school alma mater and welcomed the girls into the Alumnae Association. That is always fun (free pizza too!). After that, I went to my two favorite stores--Fashion Bug and Hallmark. I spent $3 at Fashion Bug and nearly $30 at Hallmark...go figure! I walked to the post office and mailed some Mother's Day cards, Nurse's Day cards (better late than never), and a couple bills. I stopped at the grocery store on my way back home and bought stuff for a couple more meals. I cooked "green beans and hamburger over rice" (dad's recipe) for myself and my friend to have for lunch tomorrow. I also made a caramel apple salad (I found the recipe online last night) for us to have for dessert. Too bad I won't actually be able to eat WITH her, but it will be fun to eat the same thing anyway.

Tonight was my first softball game. The rain held off long enough for us to get the whole game in, and it was REALLY nice. The "girls" on my team are great, some of them I have known for over 20 years! We ended up winning 21-4 (I may have to link to some of my posts after games from last year...I was on a different team and it was not fun at all...we may not have even scored 21 runs the ENTIRE SUMMER!). What a GREAT time (I got hits all four times I batted, so that makes me happy too!). I played catcher and you don't have to wear any "gear" in slow-pitch, so I will have a few bruises, but not too bad!

Well, I didn't get myself prepared for Thursday's meeting I have to lead (still haven't done the agenda or read my policies and procedures). However, I'm pretty sure no one else wants the job, so I'm hoping not to hear any complaints! I guess I'll have to do that when I get off work tomorrow night.

I found out last night that a little girl I took care of a few weeks ago when she was here to be evaluated for a transplant is VERY sick back at her home hospital (kind of crazy how I found out...a mom I know just from the Internet emailed me to see if I knew the girl...I'm not sure how she knew about the girl...maybe she knows someone who knows them...it's a small world anyway!). I emailed her mom to let her know I was praying for them.

The baby is still hanging in there. He has been having fevers on and off for about a week and they aren't really sure what is going on. They have done lots of tests, but have not figured out anything yet. His kidneys still don't want to work, which affects his breathing, so he remains on dialysis and the ventilator. However, each day that he is here is a day not many people really expected him to have, and his family is grateful for that. It really has only been three weeks since his transplant, so baby steps are progress.

Well, it's about to start thundering and lightening...I've already had one "computer issue" this year, so I probably shouldn't take any chances and should turn it off and unplug it! Good night!

My Cinco de Mayo Post

Even though it is after Midnight and now the SIXTH of May (sometimes making up a title is hard!)

So, this morning I had to force myself out of bed to make it to Curves before 10:30. I'm not sure how great of a work out I did, but I made it! After my "workout", I walked with the owner over to Goodwill. I ended up purchasing a little kitchen set-up that came with some random plastic food and dishes (I haven't actually opened the bag to see what all is in there, but it looks like a lot of the stuff didn't come with the kitchen initially!). It looks like fun! Later in the day, I went to a store called "Once Upon a Child" that sells gently used items. I bought some more toys, and Disney Princess Yahtzee. I also did some searching of paint colors since apparently my new "big idea" is to turn my basement into a playroom (I haven't decided yet or looked at any swatches). I have spent so much time on the Internet looking at car seats, "pack 'n plays", swings, bouncy seats and strollers...it is sort of crazy. Where is this all coming from? Okay, so I have some pretty good guesses, but it would be interesting to try and explain all this to someone else! I'm going to have a room full of toys for all of my "borrowed children". I suppose there is nothing wrong with that...

In between shopping for "mystery kids", I did a little work for one of the committees I am on at work. I had to send an email to all my co-workers and it took me a really long time so I made sure it sounded okay. I received a very nice comment back which was REALLY appreciated! I forced myself to mow my lawn (I'm sure the "crazy lawn lady" next door is happy about that!). I went and watched my dad's two high school girls softball teams play (recreational slow-pitch). He asked me to go, so of COURSE I said yes! I enjoy going to his games (especially since I get to coach a base or keep score). My only hesitation was if my friend wanted to get away from the hospital for supper. However, family comes first and she needed to stay with her baby today anyway, so it all worked out. I went to the hospital around 10:00 tonight so I could print some policies and procedures I need to review before Thursday's meeting. I need to send my agenda soon and figured I'd rather go tonight to get the information than try and find time tomorrow. I brought my friend the clothes she picked out at Fashion Bug (they had a big sale yesterday, so we put stuff on hold and my mom picked them up) and some of my dad's chili. So, I got to see her anyway! I love how things work out!

Kind of a busy day, even though I felt like I watched a lot of TV and spent a lot of time on my computer. I guess as long as I accomplished other stuff too, that's okay! I should NOT be staying up this late, though, because it will probably mess up my sleeping schedule for the rest of the week! Okey doke, time to "hit the hay". Tomorrow will be another busy day (they usually are!). Good night.

Thanks for the comment Marcie, but I wouldn't say my attitude is always that good! I too need frequent reminders that each day is a gift, to treasure each special moment, and that I shouldn't sweat the small stuff. Thankfully, God has placed me in situations, and provided me with many people who remind me those very things on a regular basis! I have quite a few "put things in perspective" friends, and I TRY to get to them before I go too crazy over silly things! Again, thanks for the comment. I'm glad the race went well too. :o) Take care.

Feeling the Burn

This morning, when my alarm went off, I SO didn't want to get up! Even though I went to bed relatively early by my usual standards, the morning still came early. I had sort of hoped that it would have been my turn to get offered the day off...and halfway held my breath that SOMEONE would get to go home early if we weren't busy and that it would be ME. I was slow to get ready, but wasn't in that much of a rush, knowing that I probably would not be given a choice of patients anyway (because of who else was working).

I did actually get one of the three patients I had on Friday. Of course, it was one that was physically and emotionally draining due to the situation and his particular needs (but REALLY nice family!). I also was given another patient I knew, who has a pretty "intense" family who can be pretty "draining" as well (again, VERY nice, but require some extra energy). Yeah, thanks (of course, I ALWAYS tell myself that I do not "care" because who I get is who I'm "supposed" to get, but sometimes I have to think "come ON" people!)! So...who got the first and only admission of the shift?! Yep, that would be me. I will say that two nurses really "stepped up" and helped with the initial process, paperwork, and getting the patient settled which I REALLY appreciated. However, the other nurse who started with two patients as well had two really easy patients and was able to write all of her personal thank yous. How does THAT work?! One of the other nurses was really busy too, but the rest of them were kind of "bored"...so, I USUALLY say that I love my job and the people there, but today was kind of annoying. I suppose that I didn't really ask for specific help, but most of the "busy stuff" wasn't anything anyone could have done for me...it just would have been nice not to have that "third" patient especially when I knew others were sitting around doing nothing.

Of course, my legs and rear end were pretty sore from the race too, so I moved a little slower than usual! It was kind of a nice feeling, though, knowing what I did to make those muscles work! Tonight my back is also sore from all the physical work I had to do with my one patient, but I suppose that too has its "rewards".

Feeling the burn...from my co-workers, and from my race...I guess it isn't all bad! Each day is a gift, each day brings new experiences to discover more about myself, and others, and life in general. I thank God for today...even though I spent a bit of time being annoyed with the people around me! I think the "Quote of the Day" for today is kind of interesting--"When you blame others, you give up your power to change." ~Robert Anthony

Good night. I'm off tomorrow--yay! (Another reason I didn't complain TOO much today...I tell myself that I can take care of pretty much anyone for ONE day in a row!)

Success!

By the time I got up this morning, the sun was shining. I knew it could still be cold outside, so I did dress in layers. I ended up having to take off my long-sleeves a mile or two into the race. So, it ended up being a VERY nice day for a run...not too hot, not too cold, not raining, not snowing! As I have said more than once, I am a VERY slow runner, but my goal was not to win the race, it was to run the entire 6.2 miles (and contribute to the "cause" which was organ and tissue donor awareness). So, I ran the whole thing by myself and finished WELL behind even the "second-to-last" runner. My time was one hour and fourteen minutes (the woman who won the race finished in 48 minutes...I was just starting mile five!). Here is the link to my post from last year's "Life-a-Thon". Apparently, I was a little slower this year, since I wrote that last year I did it in 70 minutes. Oh well, at least I did what I set out to do AND had a lot of fun in the meantime. I am an average person of average athletic ability, but this cause is VERY important to me, so "pushing myself" to do this feels like something I need to do. :o)

Right when I got there, I saw my friend who works in media relations. She brought her daughter and I spent most of my time before and after the race with her. It was nice "catching up". She has been having some tough stuff going on in her personal life, so I was glad to be able to offer my prayers. Hopefully we will find a time to get together again soon. I saw some other people that I knew, but not a lot (the weather probably kept some people away). It actually was a good turn out, and the weather eventually cooperated. They had a "Pancake Man" there, so that was really nice to have after the race!

Me with a little girl who had a transplant.

I haven't seen her in a long time and she looks GREAT!

My friend's little girl...SO cute!

One of the transplant surgeons telling everyone

thanks, especially the donor families.

The lady in the grey sweatshirt is the one who won the race.

________________________

When I got home, I decided to take a LONG bath, and then a nap. I went to 5:00 Mass, and brought my friend (the baby's mom) with me. It was really nice going to church with someone else, and she was happy to go. We went out for dinner and, of course, talked for a LONG time at the restaurant. We have decided that we need to start eating healthier when we eat together (especially since the majority of her meals are at the cafeteria, unless she walks to get fast food). Not sure if we will REALLY do that, but it is at least good to say that out loud every once in a while! We definitely did NOT eat healthy food tonight! I, "Little Miss Carbohydrate" herself, actually said that no more bread would fit into my stomach...that's a lot of carbs!

So, I successfully completed my 10K...I probably should try and keep running once a week or so, even it if is just a couple miles...maybe that way I can even improve my time the next time I run a 10K.

Well, it isn't even 10:00, but I've been tired for a while I work tomorrow, so I think I will go to bed early (I say that a lot, but don't actually do it very often...today should be the day!). Good night!

What month is it again?

The forecast for 7AM is 36 degrees with wind chill to be in the 20s (they are predicting that since it rained all day and will rain most of the night that it will be done by then)...I guess it is good the race doesn't start until 10! I'm not sure it will be TOO much warmer then, but I THINK I'd rather run when it is chilly instead of raining. Kind of a toss up, but I can bring "handwarmers" and wear gloves or mittens. Cold AND rainy just doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun...but, it is all about the "cause" (and the pancakes after the race!). Other than the weather possibly not cooperating, I really think I'm ready to go! I ran nearly 5 miles on Tuesday without any problems, so I should be able to go a little further with the extra motivation surrounding me.

I suppose getting some sleep wouldn't hurt before "the big race", so I should get to bed (it was after midnight before I fell asleep last night, so was not thrilled when the alarm went off at 5:30!). I think that lack of sleep affected today. A couple people were pretty rude to me this afternoon and it just messed up the rest of the day. I got REALLY crabby and had a hard time shaking that feeling. Luckily, I had a party to look forward to when I got off. The student I had invited me to her graduation party. I brought along the baby's mom/my friend (I think she may have been even more excited about the party than I was!). There was good (free!) food, and fun conversation (as always when she and I get together!). We may be "cooking up" some more fun for tomorrow night :o)

Okay, time to sleep! Good night!

May Day

I posted 32 times in the 30 days of April (busy...or "bored"?!). Looking back on those posts, I now know why it seemed like April was SUCH a crazy month!

April in a Nutshell

• I started the month having to use the computer at my mom and dad's. While I now have my computer back, I have not had time to get it completely the way I want, but it is more than functional (I'm SO happy to have speakers!).
• I started and completed foster parent classes. I'm not sure where this will take me, but I learned a lot and met some new people which were my goals.
• I met a new friend with a VERY sick baby. None of us know what God's plans are for this baby, but he is currently recovering from an organ transplant. When I met her, I wasn't sure he was going to live another week...it has been four, and each day is a blessing. She and I made a lot of memories this month and I feel SO blessed!
• I have "trained" for the 10K I will run two days from now.
• I "chaired" my first meeting as the chairperson of my unit council.
• I was a "preceptor" for a nursing student who reminded me why I love being a nurse on my floor.
• I went on a retreat about "Hope".
• I had an opportunity to listen to a man speak about organ donation, which was a powerful testimony on the gift of life.
• I did more cooking and cleaning in April than I did in MONTHS!

A part of me is kind of glad April is over because it was so crazy! However, I don't think I would change anything that happened. There were things that challenged me physically, emotionally, spiritually (and probably other "allys"!), but I am forever changed by those experiences. I will never be the same, and I believe that to be a "good thing". I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for me during the month of May!

________________________________________

This morning, I slept in (okay, so that's what I do pretty much EVERY time I have a day off, so I probably don't need to write that every time!). I did get to Curves for a "mini workout" (that is kind of an oxymoron because the FULL Curves workout is 30 minutes...I only did about 20!). I stopped at Kohl's on my way home and bought stuff I didn't "need" but wanted (a really cool toy that one of my patients had, Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, some markers and coloring books, and a couple outfits for the baby...then I came home and ordered a stroller from Kohl's online...Are you thinking I have kids/babies on the brain?! I would have to agree!). I spent a good couple hours staring at my computer and the television trying to convince myself that I needed to spend some time in my "office". I finally was able to "will myself" in there and did a cursory "sort through" and filled a Target bag with trash.

I went to dinner with my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, and his parents. It was fun. The baby's mom did send me a text message while I was there that he wasn't doing that great, but then he stabilized some. I believe he has been getting dialysis for 12 hours a day since Saturday, but she thinks he may need to go back to 24 hours...I guess his kidneys are still pretty sick and it is affecting his breathing. He also has been having fevers, so the past couple days have been pretty rough for them. Praying they have a good night, hoping his kidneys will wake up soon. She is planning on going with me to a party for my student tomorrow night. I hope that works out (because I want her baby to be doing better AND because it is fun to hang out with her!).

Well, back to work tomorrow. Some people think that it is annoying to work this kind of schedule (work Wednesday, off Thursday, work Friday, off Saturday, work Sunday...), but I actually kind of like it sometimes. It is especially nice when things are crazy, or I'm tired, or whatever the case is and I just have to think "it's just ONE day...you just have to make it through ONE day!"

So, Happy May Day! Hopefully our freezing cold temperatures are done for a while and there will be some lovely "May Flowers"! :o) Good night!