Alrighty Then

My foster care specialist came to see me and Zoe before I brought her to school. She said just go with this visitation schedule with me doing her treatments on the days I'm off and summer will be here soon, so staying up until past 10:00 on softball nights to do treatments won't be as big of a deal. Later in the afternoon, I got a call from the case manager for the first time since this stuff changed and the I believe first contact other than an email asking for Zoe's medication list in nearly a month. One of her first questions was asking if Zoe's mom could come to my house and do her treatments here on the days I'm off. I said I didn't feel comfortable with that and she asked why. I just said I didn't trust her and it just didn't feel like now is the right time to have that kind of open relationship (or something like that). I ended up posting that question on a foster parent fb group I'm in and the majority of people told me they would have said no as well, most giving reasons of their home being a "safe" place for the kids rather than it being a privacy or "selfish" reason. I like that, especially since Zoe doesn't listen to her mom, often to the point of being out of control/throwing tantrums and it would be painful to sit by and observe that behavior in my home (as my role would be observation rather than being the parent). I left a message for my foster care specialist, so hopefully she is comfortable with my decision to say no.

Ivy got home from her school trip around 3:30. She had been gone since leaving from school around 2:30 on Friday. Thursday night, she threw a tantrum while her guardian was here/after he left saying she didn't even want to go anymore (because we were talking to her about the classes she is failing and told her she needs to get help? "most" teenagers would be like "get me the heck out of here/I can't wait to get away from this for a while", right?!) But, her fb posts throughout the weekend were positive and she posted a number of pictures, so it appeared she enjoyed herself.

However, when I asked her about it, she said it was "ok" and proceeded to complain about everything--we did too much walking, we didn't follow the itinerary so we were late to some things, I didn't have time to souvenir shop, we stayed up too late, we had to get up too early, I have to unpack, I have to do laundry, I spilled syrup on my shirt (how did you do that? they had these little syrup things on the table and I didn't eat over the table...), my ears popped in the plane...alrighty then, I'm glad ONE of us had fun this weekend!

After that attempt at a conversation, she put in a load of laundry and then moped on the couch for 20 minutes before making a bagel and moping some more. She was in bed for a nap by 4:30.

Zoe got home from her visit at 7:15. Ivy was still sleeping and I thought she may sleep until morning, so I shushed Zoe and tried to keep her quiet, but Ivy ended up getting up. She muttered one or more things, but mostly pouted about having to put her clothes in the dryer and making her lunch for tomorrow. I asked her if she was going to continue to whine or what? She said no, but then made herself some pizza rolls and kept her distance from both me and Zoe.

She went back to bed at 8:15 and I had to "shush" Zoe (she was up until almost 10...oops). When I told her Ivy was sleeping, she said "Again?!" I know Zoe, I know...it's frustrating.

I guess her sleeping is better than her being awake and whining/pouting/complaining! Gotta love teenagers, but I definitely didn't expect that kind of response. She wore shorts all weekend for goodness sake and came home to freezing cold (she missed the snow flurries, but it was still cold!)

Hopefully her guardian understands the NEED for some therapy and also the need for her to have something to keep her occupied this summer because we will not survive without that!

Until the next time...

Just Keep Swimming

I can hardly believe how sporadically I've blogged since Zoe came to live here in September. It's only gotten worse since Ivy came to live here in February! I really need to blog more because it definitely helps...and it's really sad that I don't have time/energy to do it.

I don't remember it being this hard with the teenager and the little one last time, but this is a lot of work! Zoe has her medical needs, five day a week visits, school five days a week, and really isn't a great listener, especially when she is tired (which is most of the time because of her crazy schedule she has to keep because someone thought her mom needed to see her five days a week for three hours...it still sucks even after doing it for over seven months). I had NO idea what I was signing up for when I agreed to take Ivy. Unbeknownst to me, she has significant gaps in her social skills to the point that her guidance counselor told me they weren't sure she'd be able to live independently...say what?! I was totally unprepared for a 17-year-old with the maturity of a 12-year-old (my dad says she acts like she's 9 or 10, but I'll go with 12-13). It's not all her fault, but that doesn't make it any easier :(

Ivy has a guardian, but he is married, works full time, and has teenagers of his own. After my last counseling session, I asked if he and his family (sisters/brothers/nieces/nephews) could take her once a week for a few hours to help me in role modeling appropriate behavior so it isn't all on me. She annoys me so much and I feel bad saying it, but there really isn't much that is enjoyable about having her live here (other than knowing she is happy and that I'm "doing a good thing"). She irritates me even when she is sleeping, so I really hope that her guardian will get her counseling ASAP (as well as help me send her away to summer camp for a few weeks this summer...I can't wait for summer to be here so I can be with Zoe, but I'm kind of dreading summer with Ivy...can't have it both ways, unfortunately).

My family has been a huge help with Ivy (and Zoe) and I have a lot of support, but the day-to-day is still pretty stressful. Thankfully, work hasn't been awful, but I do work 12-hour shifts three days a week, so those days are tiring without having to come home to two former only children who want my undivided attention and I'm only one person.

Yes, I did sign up for this, so I often feel like I shouldn't complain (actually, one of my friends told me that God called me to do this and I obeyed, so maybe I can just blame Him ;) ) It's also difficult because my former teen doesn't seem to be doing so hot right now (my only "contact" has been seeing her bank account be depleted by her mom and her advisor telling me she's failing a couple of classes...hopefully she will graduate and be able to get out of the house, but things don't sound good). I try to quickly send away my guilty feelings about not being able to do anything for her right now because I'm stretched to the max with the two kids I have living here (I do pray for her and have sent a couple of texts, but that's about all I can do and I don't like that).

 Zoe is getting big (I think she weighs over 41 pounds now! She turned 5 last week) and her cystic fibrosis is finally under control. It took a LOT of work to get to a stable point and we are still doing nebulized antibiotics every day along with her 10 other medications, but she's pretty darn healthy by cystic fibrosis standards and I'm proud of that. Her verbal skills are coming along, although it's still frustrating that they wouldn't ever consider a speech evaluation and just chalk it up to being bilingual. I'm going to see if I can get someone to help me with my Spanish so we can practice that here at home too. I'm not sure what way this case will go, but I've experienced some reverse discrimination since I'm not Hispanic and don't speak Spanish (even though Zoe has me read books to her in Spanish all the time...I don't think I butcher them TOO badly!) The next hearing to talk about relative placement isn't until July 24 and it doesn't sound like they will try to place with mom before then, but who knows. (I'm trying not to think about the possibility of her going home and leaving me alone with Ivy...I don't know how I'd survive without a "buffer", but hopefully things will have drastically improved before it comes to that!)

Here are some pictures...it isn't ALL bad, but it's nice to get some of the stressful stuff off my chest :)

Until the next time...