Blogging Drought

So...it's August 16 and only my FIFTH post of the month. It's been nearly THREE weeks since I mentioned my 600th post was getting closer. I know I do not "have" to blog every day because I don't have a blog where people expect that. However, this is my "journal", or at least that is what it is "supposed" to be. And, I think I have been avoiding blogging because I have not wanted to put my thoughts down into words and there are other things I do not want to think about, not simply because I have been really busy...

I realize that this is basically "private", and I should be able to use it to sort things out/vent, but still find myself hesitant for some reason.

So, maybe I should get some of the big things out that have been weighing on my mind so maybe I will sleep "extra good" tonight :o)

My "date" from last Monday...I told myself over and over again that I was going to have fun with this "dating thing" and "live in the moment" and enjoy myself. Well, I DID have fun, but then the analyzing and "what ifs" took over. (I will leave it at that, because some of the analysis is too ridiculous to say after meeting twice...) I am trying to put myself back in check, but am finding it to be quite the struggle. Of course, I have not heard from him which sort of makes me chuckle because I HAVE been given the title "one date wonder"...

I love my family. Really, I do. I know how absolutely blessed I am to have the loving supportive family that I have, especially when I have friends who have reminded me that this really is something I should not take for granted. People told me that when my nephew was born that the "issues" I had with my younger sister being a wife and mother before me would, in a sense, "disappear". Oh how I would love to say that they have. But, now I also have to put a muzzle on myself before the thoughts of how I would do things differently/"better", or make different/"better" choices and give example after example of why things "should" be done a certain way. While I believe I have been helpful and supportive, I do feel guilty for all those non-so-supportive things I have to fight so hard to keep inside.

Next weekend, my mom's side of the family is getting together with my Grandpa's family. My grandparents live about 2 1/2 hours away from here. The reunion has been planned since late winter/early spring. My grandparents came down to see my nephew, but no one else has seen him. To be honest, I have almost been making myself sick thinking about what I will do IF my sister decides not to go. It really makes me ill because I know too much--because I have been shown how important each and every moment is, and how much of a blessing it is to have a healthy, happy baby. However, I am way too emotional about the topic to even begin to say something to my sister. I don't even know which way she is "leaning" and it is STILL upsetting me! Over-analyzing and getting worked up over "what-ifs" seems to be a common theme for this month! One of my cousins has tried to clue her into how important family is. My mom also said she would say something to her, as did one of my aunts.

Edited 8/17/09 @ 1145 PM to add: My cousin texted me this afternoon to let me know that my sister and her family will be joining the rest of the family at our reunion next weekend. So, as it turns out, I WAS "freaking out" over nothing. Tonight I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" since I got a couple free movie coupons in the mail. (I watched "Doubt" on Saturday night.) Maybe not the most relaxing choices for movies, but they were free...
______________________
On a totally different note--(or, maybe NOT so different!) I took a Myers-Briggs quiz on facebook. It told me I was an "ENFJ" (Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging). The facebook description of that actually seemed to fit (you never know with those facebook quizzes!). However, it was suggested somewhere on there to search for a fuller description online. I found Portrait of an ENFJ on Google. I do actually think it has a pretty accurate description of "me"...(besides the organized part, although I "used" to be a lot more organized!) I am thinking that I have HAD to do a personality test at some point in my life, but this information really put some things into perspective for me.

Some "highlights":
"ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extroverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs. "

I am hoping people would agree that I, like other "ENFJ's"...
"ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals. (I DO try to make everyone feel comfortable and and try to pay extra attention, but it is interesting to me to have it in my "personality description".)

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship."

How can I NOT like this?!

"In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others."

Of course, I am thinking I should read the information about love/relationships too (http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ_rel.html) ;o) (And, I didn't post any of the "negatives" of being an "ENFJ"...ha ha!)

I am definitely thinking I will need to print all this "information" because it not only states the strengths, but also the weaknesses and how to work through them. This page is about "Personal Growth". I kinda love that it puts into words some of the things that I do, but didn't really know why or what to think of them. (Now, when people don't seem to understand me, I can just let them know I am an "ENFJ"...ha ha!)

"As an ENFJ, you have gifts that are specific to your personality type that aren't natural strengths for other types. By recognizing your special gifts and encouraging their growth and development, you will more readily see your place in the world, and be more content with your role.

Nearly all ENFJs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:

· Making others feel valued and important

· Quickly seeing the positive and negative aspects of a human situation

· Expressing their feelings clearly

· Offering loyalty and commitment to partners, family and work mates

· Trying to always find the solution which works for everyone

· Encouraging humour and self expression in others

· Finding ways to help others fulfil their needs

· Affirming positive community values

· Naturally falling into leadership roles in their community

ENFJs who have developed their Introverted Intuition to the extent that they can see the possibilities within their perceptions will enjoy these very special gifts:

· Understanding and empathising with the feelings of others; realising “where they are coming from”.

· A talent for creative expression which can turn ordinary things and situations into something magical. (Maybe not!)

· An enhanced feeling of connection with and sensitivity to the world around them.

· The ability to see many facets of a problem and the many ways it might be resolved for the best.

· The ability to make creative and valuable use of time spent alone. (Maybe not this either!)

· Openness to the spiritual connections between all things

· They become increasingly creative, visionary and empathetic, and are therefore effective and kind managers of businesses, people, and various situations that life presents.
_________________
Well, maybe this is the end of the drought...or, maybe not...I guess time will tell! My next post will be my 600th one. Since I started this blog as my journal, I didn't know if anyone else would read it, and definitely didn't think I would get any comments! I did not set out to be a "popular" blog and am thankful that it has stayed that way. However, if you could humor me, I would like to be able to set a "record" on my 600th post. The most comments any of my posts has ever gotten is four. I was thinking it would be "pretty sweet" if my 600th post got "six" comments. (I understand this could be quite the challenge considering my "site meter" has captured less than 3 visitors a day for quite some time, but it seemed like an easy/fun thing to do for something so "monumental"!) Of course, I would definitely take more, but I'm also not going to beg for people to leave a comment because that would be silly, and totally NOT ENFJ (ha ha!)

I suppose it is time to go to bed...I need to be productive tomorrow. It rained yesterday, so I definitely need to mow. I am also scheduled to donate platelets and REALLY need to do something about the "filing system" that consists of papers spread out across the coffee table, two end tables, two chairs, a sectional, and the floor...and that is only the living room!

Good night!