On Being "Brave"

This morning, I was fortunate enough to be able to attend an (in) Real Life gathering. As I was getting ready, I challenged myself to try to do more listening than talking. I AM capable of being a good listener (I think ;) ), but I'm also REALLY good at talking about "my story". 

As I started the 70 minute drive, I thought about the fact that I was driving alone to an unknown location to a house filled with women I had never met/knew nothing about. (I also thought about the fact that I was driving alone for 70 minutes so my challenge of not talking so much was likely going to be an even bigger challenge...ha!)

And then I thought about being "brave". If someone asked me to pick a few words to describe myself, I doubt I would come up with the word "brave". However, I really have done some things in my life that could be considered "brave":

• I moved 750 miles away to attend college. I only knew one other person who was going to that school and it wasn't someone that I was likely to "hang out" with. I lived in dorms for four years, I joined clubs, and found some good friends.
• After college, I moved 1500 miles away from home to a city I'd only briefly visited twice. I lived in my own apartment for 15 months. I learned how to do "everything" myself (or be resourceful to find someone who could help me). I went to the grocery store, the movies, and on day trips by myself. Unfortunately, community/friendships didn't come as easily outside the university setting, so it was a pretty easy decision to come back "home".
• Just over five years ago, I bought my house from my parents after my sister and I rented it from them for three years. I sometimes pay people to mow/shovel and my dad cleans the gutters, but I mostly take care of things ;)
• Nearly four years ago, I hopped on an airplane to meet a "blog-friend-turned-real-life-friend" face-to-face.
• Just over two years ago, I (finally!) got my foster parent license...and the first call for a placement. 
• Nearly two years ago, a very introverted 15-year-old and a chatty nearly 3-year-old became my first foster placement. I ended up being a single foster mom to them for 16 months. They went home seven months ago, but we are still changing each other's lives :)
• Six months ago, I flew to Nashville for my birthday and met two more "blog-friends-turned-real-life friends". 
• Then, today I drove 70 minutes down the road alone and met women who are now my "tweeps" and "fb friends". I still probably talked too much and made weird faces in photos (and tried really hard not to randomly start bawling...that worked much better than the not talking too much did!), but they all made me feel like I "belonged" anyway ;)

Although I rarely feel "brave"...it seems I may have more courage than your "average gal" ;) So, I will embrace that...and remember this when I am feeling anything but brave.

I'd better go to bed...it's looking like it could be a long day at work tomorrow and is going to be a very busy week!
Good night.

What a Week

I haven't written here in a week since it has been so busy! I don't have a lot of time right now, so this will likely be a boring post for anyone else and mostly just so I have a "record" of what's been going on.

Last Thursday, I wrote that Ginger and her husband were driving here to take newborn photos of my new nephew who was born on Wednesday.

I worked on Friday, but they didn't arrive until I was already off, so that was nice. All of us were tired, so we didn't stay up very late and had a busy day planned for Saturday.

Saturday morning/afternoon, Ginger took hundreds of photos of my nephew(s) Here is a "sneak peek" photo I took off of fb :)

It was a ton of fun to watch her "work her magic"...she is amazing and obviously loves what she does. It didn't work out for her to meet the girls and photograph them, but she did do a session with my sister's nephew as well while she was here.

Saturday night was the fundraiser at my church. I went with my parents. My mom was late because my new nephew had to go into the hospital with elevated bilirubin and ended up spending Saturday night and Sunday night in the hospital. He came home on Monday, but had to go back under the lights at home from Tuesday until today (hopefully he's done today!)

I visited with Ginger for a little while after the fundraiser, but since I had to work on Sunday and they were leaving early in the morning to drive back home (and it was "spring forward"), we couldn't talk for too long. It was a whirlwind trip, but my sister is so excited about the photos and I'm so blessed to have such a great friend (see mom, blogs/the Internet are not all bad!)

Monday I ended up being off because someone needed to switch. I was really thankful for that because I was quite tired from the springing forward business! However, I didn't get to sleep in because I got a text from the girls' mom that the teen missed the bus. So, I brought her to school and later picked her up after school and she spent the night. She does usually cry at least one of the days she comes over about what's going on at home, but Monday was even worse than usual. She was honest about her feelings of despair/apathy. She told me she didn't care about anything anymore and thought about leaving her house and never going back. She said that she didn't care if she ran away and something happened to her (I cried at that one and reminded her how many people love her). It was so hard to hear her say that she was giving up on her goals/dreams, but I did my best to encourage her and support her (and gave her lots of hugs!) I have prayed a lot for God to guide my words and definitely feel His presence in these times when I feel at a loss for words (and also pray for Him to help me be okay with the silence because she only talked for so long and then shut down and just cried...silence is hard for me).

Tuesday, I worked, but got a text message from her in the afternoon to see if she could come and stay the night again. I said as long as it was okay with her mom, which it was. Tuesday night, she didn't want to talk about anything and was actually really irritating me with the things she WAS saying/how she was acting. (I did actually tell her she was annoying me, but she didn't seem to care.)

She did go home yesterday after school and I worked. I talked to her mom last night for about 40 minutes. Her mom disclosed to me that she has been dating someone for two years but she has only told a few people in her family that she now likes women. I have no clue why she decided to tell me these things and seriously, two years ago she should have been trying to get her kids back, not starting a new relationship in my opinion. She did act like she was listening to me when I talked to her about the teen going to her same school next year (one of the teen's stressors is having to switch schools which her mom is threatening and may actually be the case) as well as the teen getting some counseling. She thought counseling was a good idea...we shall see what she does with that. I talked to the little one on the phone and she kept saying "I love you" and "I miss you" and then she started crying and had to give her mom the phone back...that was really sad.

While I was talking to her mom, the teen texted me that her mom was lying about everything and she was ready to tell me everything today and stop lying for her mom, so we shall see...I'm picking her up after school in a little bit. Today, I met with my "spiritual director" and then went and visited my sister and nephews. Tonight, the teen is coming with me to a training at my agency to do volunteer day care for the required school service hours. Then, she's spending the night (I work again tomorrow).

So, that's what's been going on. It's been busy and emotional and stressful, but lots of good stuff too (Choose Joy) :)

I Keep Pinching Myself

This is going to be brief because I need to work tomorrow and it's already past my bed time. Plus, I'm thinking I won't be getting much sleep the next two nights because...

My friend Ginger is driving nearly 1000 miles to come see me (and photograph my new nephew...she is an amazing photographer and my sister is SO excited!) Yes, the same Ginger that I met through this here blog. My first "blog friend turned real life friend" that I met "in real life". She came and visited when my first nephew was about 4 1/2 months old and those photos of him are my sister's favorites. I went and visited her and her family when her baby was 6 weeks old. Two days after that trip was when the girls came to live here...and the next 16 months were crazy (as have the five months since then, actually!)

I'm hoping my sister and I will be able to get her enough other business while she's here to pay for the gas to get here and home :) It's going to be a whirlwind couple of days, but I am SO excited!

And, Ginger's friend Kristy, the one whose blog I read that led me to her could use some financial help. She and her husband were preparing to become foster parents when they received news about a baby all the way across the country whose mom was considering adoption for her son. After her son was born, she decided she wanted Kristy and her husband to raise him. You can read her version of the story here and find out about fundraisers/a giveaway here. They need to raise enough money for adoption before he is placed in a foster home in his home State and would appreciate any help they can get. :)

Weekend Away

Saturday was a couple of family gatherings on my mom's side of the family. It was a wedding shower for one cousin and a wedding reception for another cousin who had a destination wedding in November. They were held in a small town a two hour drive from where I live. Recall, my mom gave me permission to skip the family gatherings if my sister had the baby. But, no baby, so I rode along with an aunt, uncle, and cousin and represented my immediate family who all stayed home.

It was really nice to get away. I got to have a lot of one-on-one conversations with different members of my extended family that I haven't seen in a while. The shower was a small gathering of just girls (there were 10 granddaughters on my mom's side of the family before there were any grandsons [then 7 of the next 11 are boys and now 3 of the 4 great-grandkids are boys!]) and one of my aunts had an idea to go around the table and say something about ourselves and what was going on in our lives. It was really nice!

The reception was also pretty laid back and ended up being a good place to "visit" too (perfect for me...I'm a "talker"...ha!) My cousin's new mother-in-law told me she thinks our family is great (and my grandparents are really cute...which they are!) I try really hard not to take my family for granted, but it is always nice to be reminded how blessed I am. 

The oldest grandchild & the youngest great-grandchild

(until my nephew is born!)

Some of the boys...they went to a rec center during the shower ;)

The bride and me 

The three of them are sisters--the one next to me is getting

married in April and the shower was for her.

"Cousin picture" (minus a few!)

After the reception, a few of a us went to a local bar

called "Swizzlesticks" (or something). My cousin's

husband asked what their special shot was...apparently,

it's called a "Duck fart" ;) 

So, he bought me one...I am not accustomed to doing

"silly face" photos & am not very good at them (obviously) ;) 

It was yummy (even though I spilled half of it trying

to fit the whole thing in my mouth at once...ha!)

My aunt and uncle let me crash in their hotel room (with my high school cousin). Unfortunately, they are snorers, so I didn't get much sleep and ended up sleeping pretty much all day yesterday (I definitely counted my blessings that I can sleep pretty much whenever I want :) )

Last night, I went to my best friend from high school's house for my God-son's 3rd birthday party. I visited with her, her husband, and one of their friends for a long time when it was over. It was really nice to catch up. She has been dealing with a lot of family stuff and it was nice to forget about some of my "drama" for a while!

Today I went to lunch and the zoo with another friend. It was nice to catch up with her too. They are trying to get their foster son moved to an adoptive home, but haven't been able to find one yet. They adopted their other two kids from foster care who have some "extra needs" and her husband is done with dealing with the behavior issues of their foster son (my friend is kind of sad, but hoping she will be able to maintain contact with him).

I didn't get a chance to call the girls' mom until later this evening, so had to leave a message. I think the teen would like to come over after school if it works out. I have some things I'd like to talk to her about and think it will be good to continue to check in with her and see where she is. You can only learn so much about thoughts/feelings from texting (especially with a teenager!) She said she (her whole family?) stayed with her great-grandma this weekend and I think she liked that.

My sister is being induced on Wednesday if she doesn't have the baby tomorrow. I think I convinced her to let my nephew stay here tomorrow night rather than me staying at her house. I have a luncheon I want to attend on Wednesday that my mom was/is trying to convince me to skip, but hopefully my dad can convince her/my sister that he is fully capable of watching my nephew for 3 hours while I'm gone (yes it is annoying that we have to convince them...I also tried to remind them that my brother-in-law has parents too and I shouldn't be the only one they "trust" to watch him...seriously!)

So, that's what's been going on here...it was definitely nice to have a weekend away :)

Good night.

Gentle Reminders

I had to switch shifts at work in order to be off for the court hearing. I'm still not sure how I feel about the case being closed, but the girls' mom did text me back when I texted her yesterday, so it isn't like that fact closed off communication or anything. I am hopeful that it won't change anything...and actually maybe this will make the relationship less "threatening"...if there ever was a "threat".

Because I switched shifts, I worked Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. 12-hour shifts usually turn into nearly 13 and I rarely work three of them in a row since I enjoy my couch and my sleep ;) However, these three actually were good ones and I worked with my "work friend" for two of them (I know I wrote about the fact that I now have a "work friend" but I'm not going to go look for the link now...but, just in case I "forget", this friend has the same name as my sister only spelled differently. ;) ) We had good teamwork and actually had some "down time" moments where we could visit and watch "Utube"videos and such.

Yesterday (Sunday) was "family day"...and a busy one! I went to my mom and dad's after church and my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew were there (my parents go to 9:00 church and I go to 11). There was a ton of leftover breakfast (sausage, bacon, and hash browns) and my mom made more chocolate chip pancakes for me. My sister and brother-in-law went to the grocery store, so my mom gave my nephew a bath and then we "baby-sat" until they came back from the store (I believe my mom even let me be the only one in the room with him for a little while...for some reason my sister and mom seem to be anxious about that...at least it feels like it sometimes.)

I then went with my dad to watch one of his basketball teams play. He coaches two 7th grade girls teams and I haven't been able to go to many games this season (I went to one "A" game and yesterday was my first "B" game since the other team forfeited when I went last week.) He let his assistant coaches coach and they didn't do it like he usually does, so that was sad and his team probably would have won if they ran things the way he usually does...oh well, it was still a good game (and I got to see one of the women who was at the Thanksgiving retreat I attended since her daughter was on the other team.)

Before the game, I also talked to one of the girls' mom's. She is a pediatrician, but we actually talked about my foster parenthood. It felt good to talk about it, especially in light of the "case closed" from this week. She asked me how day care worked during that 16 months and I found myself talking about how my mom and dad picked them up/dropped them off and my sister watched the little one for 10 months. I wasn't really thinking about how much help they were to me until she pointed it out. She said they didn't have grandparents nearby. I needed that gentle reminder after the complaining that I do and my thoughts about what could happen when I take another placement. My family really is great and have been supportive of me and my choices the best way they know how...even though sometimes it doesn't feel like they understand.

After that game, I went with my mom and sister to watch a college basketball game. My dad had other things to do and my mom's boss had three tickets (since he wasn't going but his wife was). The seats are awesome and it was a good game. I got to talk to her boss' wife for a little while (maybe even more than I talked to my mom and sister, actually!)

Then, as if the day wasn't busy enough, I met up with a friend from high school and her friend for a couple of drinks. She is actually going out-of-town tomorrow on a "mommy spa vacation" by herself for four days to recoup from a stress/anxiety/depression filled few months. I think it's awesome that she is doing that for herself and that her husband thought it was important. She talked about how her in-laws help with their boys and it was another gentle reminder to me as I was questioning the weird vs non-weird-ness of my mom giving my nephew a bath and my sister and brother-in-law waiting until someone could watch their kid for them to go to the grocery store. I guess you appreciate the help you can get...and if you don't have to do it alone, then don't?

Today was another jam-packed day...but enjoyable and not at all productive at home! I went to a staff meeting at work that went from 7:30-9:00. Usually I don't go on my days off, but there isn't one on any of the days I work this week. Since they were discussing our job satisfaction scores, I thought it was important to be there. I was able to give my "two cents" and then some about the way things are right now (not great). I'm actually glad I wasn't working because I never would have been able to stay that long!

After the meeting, I went and got my progesterone shot for my PCOS that still is not at all under control (hoping they are learning from me and eventually we can come up with a good balance that doesn't involve progesterone shots because they HURT!) Then, I went and worked out. After THAT, I went to the horse races with my dad. We were there for 2 1/2 hours and bet a LOT of races. We only won once, but it was enough that I came out $2 ahead :)

I went to the grocery store, took a nap, then went to my dad's basketball game (they won by a lot tonight!). I watched my "teeny bopper" shows and ate pizza while drinking a Woodchuck. After that, I wrote a long and boring blog post about the events of the past three days ;)

I'm thankful for the gentle reminders the past few days to be grateful for the blessings in my life...

Keeping It Real

Even though it is called "One Word 365", I'm thinking I'd like to write about things other than "Choose" some times, but I did pick that word because it was something that was relevant to every day, so we'll see what happens!

The past couple of days have brought me some internal struggles. Rather than simply "choosing" to forget them/put them in the past, I think it is important to write them down and then "let them go" that way.

Saturday, I did have a good day at work. My "one" work friend (meaning, pretty much the only person who I work with that I actually talk to outside work) and I got to work together and we were busy, but at least we were together. I found out that my co-workers are going to have a "biggest loser" contest. I would like to participate since at work, I'm not much seen as "social" most of the time. However, it costs $20 to enter the contest which is a lot of money in my opinion. I could definitely stand to lose a few pounds, but even if I was "miraculously" able to drop to 110 or 115 (I'm 5 feet tall), I doubt that would be anywhere close to winning percentage wise. So, I'll have to choose other ways to be more "socially active" on my unit...in something that doesn't cost as much money!

I was invited to the bar after work, but had already been invited to a "jewelry party" with some people from church. I hadn't seen them in a long time and it was nice to catch up. It sounds like one of the dates I picked in February to have people over will work for most people, so that will be fun! We talked about my foster parenting journey since I hadn't seen them much/at all when I had the girls or in the time since they went back home. In conversation, I quickly realized that all of them have kids the little one's age. I became disappointed with myself that I/we didn't get together and she lived her for 16 months! I guess never during that time did I believe she would be here that long. So, maybe it was done subconsciously (or consciously except I don't remember!) to protect her from getting close to many people she wouldn't see again? Or, maybe if it would have been just her, I would have done more  "play dates", but since it was her and a teenager, there were other things we did with the time we had?

Maybe if we we done "play dates" during those 16 months, she would be better at socializing with her peers, maybe she would know her colors, maybe she would be able to recognize her letters...I know I shouldn't beat myself up because there was so much I DID teach and show her, but the "what ifs" were loud and clear this weekend... I suppose every parent has things they wish they would have done differently, said differently, so there is no reason to think I should be immune to that, but it doesn't change the feeling (and why I called this post "keeping it real"...these guilty/regretful feelings were/are there and I ought not pretend they don't exist...)

Also, my mom "suggested" that I tell my sister I would be on her list of people to call when she goes into labor to watch my nephew. That brought a variety of feelings from guilt that I didn't think of it myself and offer without feeling a "guilt trip" first to resentment that it felt like I was "expected" to offer since it isn't like I have anything else going on. I love my sister and I love my nephew (and my mom too, of course!) and I do think this is kind of a "sisterly duty" to help...and surely I would want the same assistance. However, I can't help but think about all the times we are together and half the time I feel like they don't even trust me to be alone with him...which is so crazy considering I have been taking care of younger people since my sister was born (shortly before I turned two ;) ) but, it's definitely a "vibe" I get (maybe unfounded, but again, just keeping it real). Thankfully, when my sister brought it up, she was nice about it and said she'd have me "on the list"...and I'll get her my work schedule (crazy it could only be 6 more weeks!)

Another "issue" I had with the "suggestion" is the feeling that my family would be really upset with me if I even "toyed" with the idea of accepting another placement any time soon. I'm not 100% sure I'm ready yet, but I'm definitely feeling like I'll be ready before my family will think it's "ok". I know that my decision will be made to do what is best for me and what I feel God is calling me to do, but it is hard to even think about the possibility of hurting my family in the process. This post is long enough, but  yesterday I read book two of this series. That will be an entire post in itself, but the "long story short" is that I still believe God has called me to be a foster mom to at least one more child. I don't know when or what that child will look like, but hopefully I am wrong about how my family will feel about it.

This isn't exactly how this post was written in my head, but I feel better putting the feelings of jealousy, regret, guilt, resentment, and hurt out there so I can look back and see how far I've come when they truly are in the past :)

Good night.

Flashback Friday-Friendship

This week, I've been thinking a lot about "friends" and "friendship". I've found myself "tweeting" the word "friend" quite often these days and it reminded me of this post I wrote a couple years ago. I may have already "Flashback Friday-ed" it or reposted it at some point, but I really like the poem and the song, so here it is again. I wrote it right before meeting up with Ginger, my first "Internet friend-turned-real-life-friend" that I met in person. I am grateful for ALL of my friends and all they have taught me and continue to teach me, for loving me and shaping me into the person I am today.


Hopefully one of these days I'll have time to type out a real post, but for now, here's a little flashback.

What is a Friend?
Originally posted May 29, 2009

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,
and one of the best things you can be.
A friend is the one who will always be beside you,
through all the laughter, and through each and every tear.
A friend is the one thing you can always rely on;
the someone you can always open up to.
A friend is a sanctuary.
A friend is a smile.
A friend is a hand that is always holding yours,
no matter where you are.
A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart.
~Collin McCarty

I have been thinking a lot about friends recently, and have been waiting for just the right moment to post this poem. I have decided to leave my lap top at home for this vacation, and am planning to set this entry to post right around the time I meet up with Ginger and Lauren.

Friends have kind of been a funny thing in my life. In elementary school, I went through a couple "best friends", but mostly I was friends with everyone (which, unfortunately, did not really translate to getting invited to the "cool parties") In high school, I was fortunate to have a couple "best friends" with whom I remain very close. (Remember, our very own "fifteen feet of fun"?!) But again, friends with everyone was kind of "my thing" and that pretty much continued through college. I am still friends with one member of "AMEALAKA" :o)

I had coffee today with a friend I have known since I baby-sat her kids who are now 14 and 18. She and I talked for over three hours and it was AWESOME! And, in total "un-randomness", I stopped by Target on the way home to pick up a couple things and ran into my friend (totally unflattering picture of us here) who was in town from a state away as her son is evaluated for a second transplant. They actually were stopping by Target on their way out of town, so it was GREAT to get to see her! Of course, I have my friend that I met on the beach when we were ten. There are friends I have met through work, through church, through school, and yes through this here blog (I was going to link to that, but you are already here!)

I have friends from coast to coast, from north to south, from small towns to big cities. I have friends with families, and friends who are single or do not yet have children. I have a few friends who have had the basically "drama-free" life that I have been privileged to experience, and many who have endured the darkest times I hardly knew existed.

There are friends who came to me in ways I never could have imagined, and those who arrived when I needed them the most. Friends who make me laugh. Friends who put life in perspective. Friends who encourage. Friends who have so much faith in God even when life has given them so many reasons to stop trusting Him. Friends who let me be who I am and are okay with that. Friends who listen. Friends who always have words of wisdom. Friends of all shapes and sizes, from all economical, family, and religious backgrounds. Friends of all different ages. (For living a pretty "sheltered" life, I do have a rather diverse group of friends and I LOVE that!)

I have lived alone long enough and gone places alone more times than I can count. However, to say that I do not have jitters going into this weekend would be a lie (and, if you have read this blog long enough, you know that I not only have troubles keeping secrets, lying is definitely not something I even attempt because it would not be successful!) I don't remember my first day of kindergarten, but I imagine this is what it may have felt like. I am SO excited and know that there will be open arms and great people waiting for me in that airport, but my hands still shake as I think about this "plan" becoming a reality in a few short hours (probably should start packing since my ride is coming in six hours!)

I will close this post on friendship with the lyrics to a song I absolutely adore. I have listened to it SO many times and it still brings tears to my eyes (not ALL the time now, but SOMETIMES!) It is from the musical Wicked.

(Elphaba):
I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda):
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda):
And because I knew you...

(Elphaba):
Because I knew you...

(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

Thank you for being my friend. I know that because of you, I have been changed for good...and am looking foward to MUCH more of that when I return from my vacation (one of these days I WILL have to return to work...ha ha!)

Taking My Time

Maybe I'll have time tomorrow to write about the retreat I attended on Tuesday. I just read the posts that I wrote about the retreat from the past four years and all of them were well thought-out, so I'd like to wait and write when I'm ready. I'm very grateful for this "blog" in times like this because I think all of those were/are worth reading again to be reminded of where I have been and how much I've learned.

While I realize that it's not my grief, my illness, I was still struggling this morning about what I wrote about last night. I know that the retreat came at the perfect time to remind me to be grateful for each day and that made it "easier", but I still had trouble catching my breath and tears filled my pillow during my "afternoon nap". I did call my Gyn to set up an exam and will talk about the new plan to manage my PCOS at that time. I talked to someone else at her office who could answer some of my questions and hopefully I will be more confident in addressing the potential "criticism" that will come with my decision to take a fairly "non-traditional" route in caring for myself and my hormone imbalances. My heart goes out to Rachel and can't begin to fathom what she has gone through this week (considering how strongly it has affected me and it ISN'T me!), but she's an awesome friend and "tweeted" me last night to "take care of you"...and so I will.

I managed to be semi-productive today even with needing to take a number of "breaks" as well as a nap. I did rake some leaves and organized a few papers. I did something really stupid--I washed a pair of sneakers that had dog poop (and leaves) on them in the washing machine along with some towels and ended up with poop and leaves stuck to the sides of the washer--so I kind of stopped trying to do any more "damage" after that and mostly "vegged".

I did talk to my mom for a while since she emailed me last night that she was off today and tomorrow. Maybe she told me some other time, but she definitely didn't "remind" me (and she also didn't tell me before she went out to lunch and shopping with my grandma and sister/nephew, but whatever...) I told her some of what was going on at work and with my "health", but didn't tell her the current treatment plan because I didn't want to deal with her criticism/questioning today...save that for when I have all of the facts in my hands.

I had an alumnae council meeting at my high school which is always fun (I love that place SO much and can hardly wait until I have another daughter to send there!) After that, I skipped choir practice so I could go play "bunco" with my best high school friend and her friends. She was hosting it, so invited me to come. I'd heard of it, but never played. It's a really easy game and is a lot of drinking and snacking and chatting, so it was a fun night. After the other girls left, she and I had a nice visit too. She has been dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression issues and trying to figure out the right doses of medication to help her. She is seeing a counselor every week too, so I'm glad she is getting the help she needs.

So, that's what went on in "my little world" today...back to work tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow will be much less depressing than yesterday :)

Good night.

Birthday Vacation Over

I arrived back home around 4:00 this afternoon. As soon as my dad dropped me off at home, I headed out to get a (much needed) pedicure since I wasn't quite ready for my birthday vacation to end. I got a VERY nice pedicure complete with a sugar scrub and hot rocks...very relaxing :) All I had time to do when I got home from my pedicure was change my clothes and pull my hair up before my mom picked me up for dinner. It is our birthday tradition that the birthday girl/boy gets to pick a restaurant and we all go. Everyone has been wanting to go to our favorite Mexican place, but it didn't work for anyone else's birthday, so I chose it. (It wasn't much of a sacrifice seeing as I love me some chips & salsa! The next birthday isn't until June, so we needed another "fix" in 2011 anyway!)

We didn't get any family pictures, but I did snap a couple of my nephew. It is so fun to listen to him talk and figure things out. They grow up fast, don't they?!

It seems as if I have decided to start writing this post backwards, so I guess I can go to this morning and then back to Saturday (because, it's my blog after all...ha!) My aunt dropped me off at the airport on her way to work, so I got there pretty early for my 10:50 flight. I had to apologize to my people on twitter because I did get rather bored and tweeted a lot. It was a full flight and I sat further in the back than I ever do, but did get a window seat (I always pick a window seat even though I usually sleep). Not long after I sat down, a girl (woman, I guess is better, but I don't feel like people would call me "woman"...maybe they would...) and sat down and started talking to me. She was with her husband and they were going on a trip to celebrate their 16th Anniversary. She was nervous about both of them flying and their kids (11-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son) being at home in case anything happened to them. She mentioned she didn't like to fly...well, I do like to fly and I ALSO like to talk, so we talked the entire flight.

We talked about so many different things...pretty crazy! She told me about her family, I told her about mine. We talked about our jobs, a little bit about our churches. I told them about my "Internet friends", going away to college, moving away, then coming back home. As we talked, I realized that I am even more confident in my life, my journey, my ministry, my mission, being what God has called me to do. Yes, I know that I need to keep the door open to other opportunities, but right now, I truly believe that I have been given a great gift that I am using the best way I know how. Yes, sometimes it is really hard (see yesterday's post), but I feel like I have come a long way in understanding all of this. Usually, I really am content sleeping on the airplane, but I am so thankful that I had my eyes and ears open to this conversation that was such a blessing to me. So, to Christy and Chris, where ever you are...thanks for that special hour and a half :)

Speaking of making the most of a short time period (how's that for a segue?!), I talked to Tammy and Alece prior to making arrangements to travel to Nashville. As the time got closer, it turned out that our schedules didn't really match up very well. So, we had a two-hour period of time at dinner on Saturday (my actual birthday) that would work. My cousins picked me up at the airport and we drove up to the town where they live. My cousins and I had a nice visit in the car and they drove me through Downtown Nashville on the way. We were early, so we did a little browsing at B & N (a very large one!) before meeting them for dinner. As mentioned above, I love me some chips and salsa, so told Tammy to pick a place that had that. I hadn't been to Chili's in forever, so it was a good choice (plus they have yummy margaritas!)

Our waiter "Frankie Brandy" tried to hook me up with a free margarita at Tammy's request, but that didn't quite work out (I got ice cream and a brownie though). He did, however, "card" her first and then proceeded to card Alece and me, so all of us were pretty "pumped" about that ;)

Two hours wasn't nearly enough time and I wish I had done more listening than talking (I feel like I talked a LOT), but it is what it is. My cousins seemed to enjoy themselves too and Alece and Tammy were both very good at keeping them involved in the conversation (you know, since I was doing all the talking...) Maybe next time we talk it will be on skype or something so they can mute me ;) (kidding...hopefully I wasn't THAT bad!)

This picture really makes me laugh, so I had to post it again. I wish I was better at making a scared face, but that's as good as it gets. It also cracks me up that people get worried about me and my "Internet friends", but they are the ones who showed up to dinner not knowing my last name (or that I had dark brown hair)...ha! I'm so thankful that we were able to meet up, even though it was brief...treasured time, though, treasured time.

Okay, I'm going to have to speed up my post here seeing as I'm scheduled to work in 7 1/2 hours and haven't worked in a week. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get called off/put on call, but I have to be ready just in case!

Sunday night, my aunt made lasagna and cheesecake and we celebrated my birthday then since we all had other plans on Saturday night. Everything was delicious and it was very fun to celebrate with them. They used to live in Texas, so are very excited about the Rangers being in the World Series, so we watched the game after dinner/dessert.

My cousin had to go back to college after that and my uncle ended up going to the game last night, so flew out early yesterday morning. My aunt and I went to Downtown Franklin to browse in the boutiques there. It was fun just "hanging out" and visiting. We ate a late lunch there before heading back to their house to take a nap and watch the World Series (Go Rangers...even though my dad is a HUGE Cardinals fan...tough for this baseball-loving girl!)

Well, that pretty much "sums it up"...I'm not a brief blogger...you people who can put incredible words of wisdom into a few sentences amaze me (but, I guess this blog isn't necessarily about "words of wisdom", is it?!...I think not ;) )

Good night...back to work tomorrow.

We Couldn't Resist

There will be more to come from my "birthday vacation", but wanted to at least post something. Last night, I met up with Alece and Tammy (along with my cousins). We'd "only" texted and talked on twitter and both of them informed me that they didn't know my last name (showing me their phone contact lists as "proof"). Since I'm writing this "today" and this was "last night", you know that I'm "ok" (unless, of course, I'm writing this while they are holding me hostage...hmm...)

October 15th

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. My hospital holds its annual Perinatal and Pediatric Memorial Service the Second Sunday in October and I am the coordinator of for that service. Most of the first blogs I read were those of moms who had experienced infant loss. Now I have friends who have had miscarriages/lost babies/children, so this is a day to really remember them even though rarely a day goes by that I don't think about at least one of them and remember their loss, and what I learned from them. So, here is a "repost" from two years ago after my hospital's memorial service that year (I was a little "delayed" in writing the post, but the events written about occurred almost exactly two years ago...wow how time flies!)

Still Surreal--Originally Posted November 5, 2009
Well, I waited to do this post so I wouldn't "rush" through it, but here I am trying to put it all into words when it is after midnight. I was putting the pictures into my computer two days ago and it is still surreal. In fact, if I didn't have the pictures then I probably wouldn't believe it! (I am having a really hard time adjusting to this new posting deal...apparently it will be "better", but right now it is frustrating me!)

So, that was after Midnight on October 17...apparently, the new posting deal frustrated me way too much to finish it, so I will try again. (and I DID try again, but STILL didn't finish the post...it's the morning of November 5 and I'm going to set it to post later today or tomorrow...sheesh!)

This is a "paperwhite" bulb, also called a "narcissus" (so I have been told, I do not know my flowers very well!) My hospital holds its annual Perinatal and Pediatric Memorial service the second Sunday in October. One of the nurses who works on my floor has been doing it for over 15 years, and the past two or three I have helped. The "plan" is for me to take over next year. Unfortunately, one of the people in the pastoral care department took over and didn't really take any suggestions this year. So, hopefully we will improve that communication before the next time we plan a service. Anyway, we did have one meeting and set a theme. Then, one of the child life specialists found an activity that also gave each family something to take home with them.

The chaplain who gave the meditation did a GREAT job of tying in "the theme" with the activity. We got snow a couple days before the service which is REALLY early for us. She talked about how winter came early for us, but as the seasons go, we know that spring will follow winter. For those who have lost a child, winter came early, it came when they least expected it, when they were unprepared. While it may take a while for them to find spring, spring will eventually come, even though they will be forever changed by the winter. It really was a very nice reflection which worked for all those who attended (those who have experienced miscarriage, still birth, perinatal, neonatal, and pediatric loss are invited). I got to bring three of the bulbs home with me.

That evening was "the concert". I half-heartedly looked for someone to go with me, but really wanted to go alone. I was in the midst of a special, sacred, spiritual weekend and sometimes I like doing that solo. (The day before, I was chosen to be my friend's son's Godmother...well, the Baptism was that day, they chose me a while back!)

I was able to sell my second ticket since it was sold out and there was a line of people waiting. I had hoped to be able to give it away, but others were selling theirs and it was just easier that way. When I got there, nearly all the seats in the church were filled. Since I was "only one", I thought I would be able to find a single seat close to the front. Little did I know that they were going to find me a seat on the aisle in the very front row, stage right. Even better than I ever could have imagined, but I took it and quickly texted Ginger to let her know I was in.the.front.row.OMG! Speechless, definitely speechless (well, and "giddy"...and I did introduce myself to the people sitting next to me.)

Here is a collage from the concert. It was AWESOME!! Since I was sitting in the front row, I only used my flash for a couple pictures. (There were flash pictures being taken throughout the concert, but I thought that flash from the very front row could be distracting and I definitely didn't want to be kicked out!) Selah and Avalon were great! I didn't realize that I knew so many Avalon songs!

Since I'm a bit "star-struck", I was SO excited to read on Angie Smith's blog that she and her girls were coming along this leg of the tour. I am a "faithful reader", but not frequent commenter, although I do recall commenting on a post that had like 25 posts since I'm fairly certain I "happened upon" her blog before it exploded in readership. Anyway, since I'm kind of a freak, I quickly snapped this picture when I noticed her and her daughters sneaking in during the first song. It was REALLY dark and this is my attempt to lighten it up...I think you can tell who/what I was taking a picture of!

I jetted out of the room during the break since I had to go to the bathroom SO bad and sneaking out from the front row of a full house doesn't exactly work! Also, that is the time that the groups came down from the stage into the audience with packets of kids to sponsor. Now, I'm not against sponsoring a child, but it isn't something I can feel like I could do right now. I do a LOT of "sponsoring" of families/children who come into my life and do that without an agency on my own time and that works for me.

I was twittering/texting Ginger during the break freaking out that I was in the front row, etc. She told me she twittered Angie to let her know I was in the front row...what an awesome friend!

I made my way back to my seat and checked Angie's area. It kinda looked like there was "security" over there, so I almost didn't try. But, I took a deep breath and moseyed on over there. She was talking to two other "blog readers" and they were wanting a picture. I said "I'll take YOUR picture if you take MINE!" And so they did...

I was wearing shoes with a slight heel, but they still made me tower over her. She is 5'2 (I think that's what she said). I'm only 5 feet, but offered to take my shoes off for the photo (I think she thought that was sweet...ha!) I pulled one of the paperwhite bulbs out of my purse and gave it to her. I told her the story that was shared at the memorial service. I told her about the "tweets" (although she said she hadn't checked her phone in a while!) I asked her about going to the pumpkin patch (they went to a pizza place instead of that but I told her next time, she HAS to go there!) Wow, sounds like we talked for a bit. She really is sweet and I totally can't believe I have this picture!!

After the concert, they had a meet and greet/autograph signing. This girl was ahead of me in line and I talked to her and her mom. I spoke with some of the members of Avalon and got their autographs, but did not get a picture. I said "I didn't realize I knew so many of your songs...it was AWESOME!!"

I DID get my picture with Selah :o) I told Amy I thought she was HILARIOUS and she let me know that her husband gives her good material. She is super sweet and has an AMAZING voice! I told Todd that I had spoken with Angie and shared with him some of the story of the paperwhite. He and Allen both genuinely listened to this crazy girl who obviously was "star struck" and only sort of making sense...ha!



What an amazing, and still surreal experience! Treasured memories, with some really fun pictures to go along with them. It was a great spiritual "pick me up" and I love me some good music :o)
_________________________
Well, I'm not sure that was "worth" waiting nearly a month for, but now it is written (I suppose I could come back and add more details later...I did take notes in my little notebook about what songs they sang and did take a little video clip of Selah singing "Unredeemed" which is a great song!)

In another "surreal" moment, I am picking up Ginger in the airport early this afternoon. I didn't even KNOW about Ginger nine months ago and we already met up in Chicago and now she is coming to STAY with me for a couple days! I am SO excited and have some fun things planned. :o) I'll probably wait to post again until after she leaves so I can focus my time on hanging out rather than on the computer!

Until then...

Birthday Wishes

This is a little late in coming, but better late than never, right?! ;) Today was (still is!) my friend Ginger's birthday. I thought it was appropriate to "re-post" a post I wrote right before I went to meet her for the first time two years ago. (Here is a link to the post I wrote last year which was a re-post of "how we met".) I love you, Ginger. Thanks for being with me through all the ups and downs and keeping me in check :) Happy (not quite belated!) Birthday! I love and miss you.

What Is a Friend? (Originally Posted May 29, 2009)

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,
and one of the best things you can be.
A friend is the one who will always be beside you,
through all the laughter, and through each and every tear.
A friend is the one thing you can always rely on;
the someone you can always open up to.
A friend is a sanctuary.
A friend is a smile.
A friend is a hand that is always holding yours,
no matter where you are.
A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart.
~Collin McCarty

I have been thinking a lot about friends recently, and have been waiting for just the right moment to post this poem. I have decided to leave my lap top at home for this vacation, and am planning to set this entry to post right around the time I meet up with Ginger and Lauren.

Friends have kind of been a funny thing in my life. In elementary school, I went through a couple "best friends", but mostly I was friends with everyone (which, unfortunately, did not really translate to getting invited to the "cool parties") In high school, I was fortunate to have a couple "best friends" with whom I remain very close. (Remember, our very own "fifteen feet of fun"?!) But again, friends with everyone was kind of "my thing" and that pretty much continued through college. I am still friends with one member of "AMEALAKA" :o)

I had coffee today with a friend I have known since I baby-sat her kids who are now 14 and 18. She and I talked for over three hours and it was AWESOME! And, in total "un-randomness", I stopped by Target on the way home to pick up a couple things and ran into my friend (totally unflattering picture of us here) who was in town from a state away as her son is evaluated for a second transplant. They actually were stopping by Target on their way out of town, so it was GREAT to get to see her! Of course, I have my friendthat I met on the beach when we were ten. There are friends I have met through work, through church, through school, and yes through this here blog (I was going to link to that, but you are already here!)

I have friends from coast to coast, from north to south, from small towns to big cities. I have friends with families, and friends who are single or do not yet have children. I have a few friends who have had the basically "drama-free" life that I have been privileged to experience, and many who have endured the darkest times I hardly knew existed.

There are friends who came to me in ways I never could have imagined, and those who arrived when I needed them the most. Friends who make me laugh. Friends who put life in perspective. Friends who encourage. Friends who have so much faith in God even when life has given them so many reasons to stop trusting Him. Friends who let me be who I am and are okay with that. Friends who listen. Friends who always have words of wisdom. Friends of all shapes and sizes, from all economical, family, and religious backgrounds. Friends of all different ages. (For living a pretty "sheltered" life, I do have a rather diverse group of friends and I LOVE that!)

I have lived alone long enough and gone places alone more times than I can count. However, to say that I do not have jitters going into this weekend would be a lie (and, if you have read this blog long enough, you know that I not only have troubles keeping secrets, lying is definitely not something I even attempt because it would not be successful!) I don't remember my first day of kindergarten, but I imagine this is what it may have felt like. I am SO excited and know that there will be open arms and great people waiting for me in that airport, but my hands still shake as I think about this "plan" becoming a reality in a few short hours (probably should start packing since my ride is coming in six hours!)

I will close this post on friendship with the lyrics to a song I absolutely adore. I have listened to it SO many times and it still brings tears to my eyes (not ALL the time now, but SOMETIMES!) It is from the musical Wicked.

(Elphaba):
I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes the sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda):
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda):
And because I knew you...

(Elphaba):
Because I knew you...

(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

Thank you for being my friend. I know that because of you, I have been changed for good...and am looking foward to MUCH more of that when I return from my vacation (one of these days I WILL have to return to work...ha ha!)

Four Years of Blogging

Four years ago, on May 22, 2007, I started this blog and wrote my first post. I summed up 2007 with an "end of the year" summary post. I wrote a lot about work and made some new friends. I gained a brother-in-law and made plans to start taking foster parent classes (I did them in April 2008)

Three years ago, on May 22, 2008, I wrote this post. I am happy to report that I lost those 12 pounds during this past year, although I'm not sure how I'm going to go about keeping them off ;) I celebrated my 10-year class reunion and took a trip to celebrate turning 29. Later that year, I found out I would become an aunt in 2009.

Two years ago, on May 22, 2009, I actually wrote two posts. The first one was a reminder about how life can change in an instant and then I wrote about being in Tennessee to celebrate my cousin's graduation. I was preparing to meet Ginger for the first time (yes, two vacations in one month!) She was my first (and currently only!) "blog friend" that I have met in person. I like this "friend post" that I wrote in between trips. I'll even link to the post where I talk about my mom's reaction to me meeting a "blog friend". And, of course I had to watch this slide show again :) In June, I became an aunt and in January 2010 I got my foster parent license.

Last year, on May 22, 2010, I was nearing 800 posts. I was preparing for my trip to Pittsburgh to visit Ginger and meet her family. I had gotten a couple of calls about foster kids, but had to sort of keep myself off the list for a bit since I had trips in April and in May. On the day I returned from my trip, I had two calls about some girls who needed a new foster home (and a call about a boy that I ended up turning down). The following day, I met the girls, and they spent their first night with me on June 5, 2010.

Today, on May 22, 2011, I am preparing to send those girls back home to their mom. What a year it has been! I definitely didn't know a year ago what was in store for me (I suppose that is nothing different than the previous years...gaining a brother-in-law, getting a nephew, meeting a "blog friend"...) We have made memories upon memories and I know our lives will never be the same. It has been an amazing blessing to have had the opportunity to share life with them. All of us have grown and changed so much during this year. I made a photo book for the little one and on the back page it says "Years will pass, but no matter where life leads us, on these pages we will always be together."

I have no idea where the next year will take me, but I am thankful for an amazing family and terrific friends who will be with me during the good times and those that aren't so good.

Thanks for being here. Happy Blogoversary to me :)

Needing a Pick-Me-Up

I was going to title this "Feeling Weary", but I think "Needing a Pick-Me-Up" is a little less dramatic...maybe?!

I've been off all week long. By the time I go back to work on Saturday, I will have been off seven days in a row. You would think I would be rested, but it's been a long week. Lots of fun things, but still long. I was hoping this week would be the "pick-me-up" that I needed after the (di)stress of last week/weekend.

I suppose in some ways, it has been...if I want to be my "glass half-full" self ;)

On Monday I was "on-call" for work, so I couldn't really go anywhere. I did bring the little one to day care, so was here with the teen all day. She remained "mute" until 2:00 when she snapped out of it and was back to her usual self. It is really sad to see how much one visit with her mom changed her. The poor girl is struggling, but she can't (or won't) verbalize what's going on inside. I guess that's a teenager for you, but it would be very helpful to know how to help her. Once she started talking to me, we discussed going to a movie. I asked if she wanted to go "just us" or with the little one too. With a huge grin on her face, she said "both". Of course, O Spoiled One ;) So, once I became "off call", I picked up the little one, we ate dinner, then went to see the movie "Hop". It was cute and the teen and I cracked up at the "adult humor" which was fun.

Tuesday, I brought the little one to day care and the teen and I went to a noon showing of "Soul Surfer". We were the only two people in the entire theater. So, I left one chair between us, but part-way through was wishing I was right next to her so I could "show some love" through my tears. I think it was a special movie for the two of us to see. I left her at home for the afternoon/early evening while I went to a work meeting, picked up the little one, and went to see my counselor. After the little one was in bed, we watched "Glee" and she grumbled about spring break being over and having to go back to school.

Yesterday, I brought my car to the dealer since the "check engine" light came on...$860 to fix...yikes! I brought home a loaner car for the night which was good since I got a call from the day care at 11:45 that the little one had a temp of 99.4 and diarrhea. That shouldn't have been enough to "exclude" her since she WAS continent and that wasn't a "fever", but she had had some diarrhea at home the night before, so I went to get her. The super annoying thing is that she has to see the doctor before she can go back. I told the owner that the doctor would laugh at bringing a kid with a low grade temp and a couple of "loose stools" in to be seen. She was not impressed with my comment and that's the rule...good thing I don't have to pay a co-pay or I'd be really ticked! So, there went my afternoon because now the little one was here...and today too...tomorrow morning I "get" to bring her to the doctor. Lovely. The caseworker came and the service coordinator still won't respond to any of her phone calls or emails. It has been at least six weeks since the service coordinator talked to her. REALLY annoying. I was irritated because when I called the service coordinator to tell her she left me in a really bad place on Sunday, she never once apologized.

Today, since the little one couldn't go to day care, we met my friend and her daughter at the park for a picnic. The two of them play together really well. My friend was a family support worker for a long time and adopted both of her kids through the foster care system (and the same agency). She has been a great support to me. I got an email from the service coordinator telling me that the girls' mom's new place has been approved for overnights. However, she still "only" wants them every other weekend...that's a load of crap in my opinion since the plan is to return them home permanently mid-May/early-June. I mean, what kind of "shared custody" agreement is this?! She gets them every other weekend and I have them full-time. I mean, I love having them, but seriously?! That's how it works?! Also in that email, she said that she read in one of my emails that I offered to transport them to their visit tomorrow. I said nothing of the sort and responded not very kindly to her email. I feel badly about that, but she has told me time and again that I do not have to be responsible for transportation and/or communicating visits with their mom (unless I want to). That is the second time this week she has "let" that happen, or encouraged it... I'm not very happy and I don't get "angry" very often.

So, apparently, the little one is not coming with me to the foster family appreciation party tomorrow. But, since she may not have a visit next weekend, she may get to come with me to the last play of the season at the children's theater (we have gone to six or seven plays/musicals there!) I DID say that I'd be willing to pick her up for the play if she was on a visit, but most definitely didn't offer my services tomorrow. She lives "a lot" further away now and gas is a ton more expensive than it used to be!

There's my rant...I feel better already ;) I did make a really nice photo Mother's Day card for their mom on $hutterfly yesterday which was actually kind of therapeutic for some reason. She was scheduled to meet with the administrators at the teen's school this afternoon to discuss the financial and time commitments of sending your daughter to a private school. If that happened and she is dedicated to allowing her to continue attending that school, then I will feel a great deal better about their transition home.

I am linking to this song because I like it :)



Well, I should probably put laundry away before I have to pick up the teen from school. So much for my "catch up day", but at least I got a blog post written ;)