Dealing with a Bully

I suppose I'm lucky that I never experienced bullying growing up (and REALLY grateful I don't have to grow up during a time when cyber bullying is everywhere). I'm also lucky that I work in a place that, while it is often gossip laden (hello...nursing is almost all females and females just like to gossip, I guess), has not been a place that I have been bullied (at least not without it getting quickly stopped). I'm also grateful that I have gotten a lot stronger in being able to stand up for myself and my needs (thank you years of therapy and dealing with a narcissistic biological mom for 16+ months).

With that being said, I am saddened that I have constantly been bullied by someone who works for the agency that pretty much runs the foster care system in my State. The cultural liaison has been on my case from the beginning, making jabs at me, trying to make me look bad in front of other professionals, making me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with Zoe, etc. This weekend, though, she took the bullying to a whole new level and my caseworker is PISSED! We got a new case manager last week and she is aware of past behaviors and received multiple calls and texts from me this weekend about what occurred.

Zoe has visits with her mom five days a week (yes, it totally sucks!). She goes to school from 9-3:30, then gets picked up and has a visit with her mom until 7:00. Drop off at my house is between 7:15 and 7:30 (or she stays at the day care until I pick her up at 8 after work). So, she has LONG days. I often work at least one of the weekend days, so those days she is at day care from 6:15 AM-8:00 PM (thankfully, she loves the kids at the day care and is an angel when her mom isn't around, so they are okay having her for that long :) )

Zoe's mom canceled her visit on Thursday which left me scrambling to find her a ride from school to day care (God bless the woman I met at Curves who got a background check and has been helping me with transportation). Then, she canceled her visit again on Friday which meant I had to back out of judging Junior High history projects that I had agreed to do.

On Saturday afternoon, I received a voice mail from the cultural liaison while I was at work. She wanted to know if Zoe could have a visit with her mom on Sunday (to make up for the two she canceled...seriously?!) I called my caseworker and the case manager to see what the deal was and pumped myself up to call this woman back because I knew I needed to stay strong. Zoe and I had plans on Sunday to attend a party and then have family dinner with my parents, but I decided I could let her go from 3-5:30. She informed me that the visits were canceled since mom got a new job and it was really important she gets to see her daughter (even though she had gone to the school twice to see her and had visits on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, so it isn't like she hadn't seen her in a long time). I let her know that we did have plans, but she would be available for a little while.

Then, on Sunday morning, the cultural liaison called me while we were at church. She said she couldn't transport/supervise the visit and asked if I could. Are you kidding me?! Her mom doesn't speak a lick of English and is mentally ill. Zoe speaks Spanish when she's with her mom and also acts like a maniac. Why in the world would I subject myself to that? I called the case manager and she said I could say no and told me thank you for being flexible. When I called the cultural liaison to tell her I couldn't/wouldn't do that, she tried to bully me into it. She told me that I should try to have a better relationship with Zoe's mom (hello, learn English and I'll learn Spanish?) and that "most" foster parents would supervise. She pretty much told me I was a bad foster parent for not wanting to make this happen, but I stood my ground and said I did not feel comfortable supervising a visit (plus, it was last minute notice and I had agreed to make Zoe available for a visit). I'm proud of myself for standing up for myself (and for not crying!) I let my caseworker and the case manager know that I felt she did this to try to set a trap for me and that she pretty much said I was a bad foster parent and I don't deserve to be treated that way. I really like the new case manager and I hope she will be able to get this woman under control and let her know she cannot treat foster parents like crap.

In other news, we had a family team meeting scheduled for last Tuesday. The new/old case manager (she was on the case from January 1 until last Tuesday) and the new case manager were there along with my caseworker and myself. The mom couldn't come and neither could the cultural liaison (I think this is the third family team meeting the mom has missed, there wasn't one in December, and we had our first one in September, so these "family team meetings" have rarely included her mom). So, we were able to talk freely. At that time, I informed the new case manager of some of the issues I had already had with the cultural liaison and concerns I have about the case and plans for moving forward. She told me (and my caseworker) that she didn't think the relative would qualify to provide relative placement (or adoption if this eventually ends in termination...I'm not sure Zoe's mom will ever be able to care for her special needs). That was quite a different story than I'd heard for the past four months. She wasn't sure if there was a concurrent plan, but asked if I'd be willing to adopt Zoe if the case ends up going that way (which would take YEARS). I said of course (as long as she can still have Medicaid since there is no way I can afford her medications or her medical day care).

Zoe is still super fun, even though she keeps me really busy (not just her...all the phone calls and arrangements that I have to do while she's at school all day long!) Since her mom canceled her visit on Friday and I was off, we made a quick stop at the Zoo and went out to dinner. Here are some pictures. I love shopping for her and she always gets compliments on her clothes and shoes :)

Worried for Nothing

I was running a little behind this morning getting Zoe ready for school, her treatments and medications given, and getting myself ready for court. After I dropped her off at school, I realized that I was still wearing the purple moccasins I put on to take out of the trash instead of dress shoes...oops. Thankfully, I made it there on time...only to discover that there wasn't really a hearing today.

We thought it was an evidentiary hearing (because that's what the Judge said in December) to talk about placement with her aunt. I was there, along with my worker, her mom, aunt, and the cultural liaison. It turned out just to be a check/review with only attorneys and workers talking to the Judge. So, I think everything is going to stay the same at least until the actual evidentiary hearing on March 8.

Unfortunately, the non-hearing hearing wasn't without drama. I have had issues with the "cultural liaison" since the beginning. She seems to not like me for some reason and I guess the feeling is mutual. She always seems to find really hurtful things to say (which then upsets me more that I let her get to me). She also has NO CLUE what it takes to take care of Zoe and refuses to acknowledge the fact that her mom HAS NOT been taking good care of her for the past four years which is why she is so sick now. Yes she has a chronic, progressive disease, but one of the big reasons she is so sick this early in her life is because of medical non-compliance on the part of her mom. Today, my worker pointed out that her mom continues to be non-compliant with Zoe's specialized diet. The cultural liaison said something to her mom which had an excuse and then she basically told us we were wrong...even though I have a notebook with (nearly) every single thing her mom has given her to eat and drink the past 4+ months. Then, she said something to me that I found rude/hurtful (my worker didn't think she meant it this way, but I did)--she basically said that the only reason Zoe hasn't been in the hospital since she's been with me is because I have a "relationship" with the team (as in, her mom wasn't given a chance to properly take care of her outside the hospital or something else equally ridiculous).

It is so frustrating that she sees me as the bad guy for some reason. She "reminds" me all the time that Zoe should be with her family. I agree that kids should be with their family IF they can properly take care of them! Her mom gets visits five days a week from right after school until 7:00. So, after her visits, I have to get her a snack, bath, book, and to bed at a decent hour (try to anyway). On the mornings I am off, I get her up, get her treatments done and medications given and get her to school. She thinks her aunt should have visits separate from her mom, meaning weekend visits. I'm all about Zoe getting to see her family, but I don't want to be her chauffeur and the one doing all her "cares" and never get to just "be" with her or do any sort of entertainment activity. We both like to go places--shopping, out to eat, to the Zoo, the Children's Museum, shows at the children's theater, play with my friends' kids and my nephews, etc. and it is already limited to the weekend (if I'm off!) because we can't do anything during the week (I can't do really anything during the week either!) I DO understand that she's "not my kid", but this schedule would be completely impossible if I had other children/responsibilities. Pretty much my entire life revolves around Zoe, so I don't feel guilty about feeling "entitled" to some fun times with her.

Anyway, that's a super long post about how "nothing" happened today and I should have Zoe for another two months. She still has a lung infection, but they are going to let me continue to treat her at home with nebulized antibiotics and oral antibiotics...such is life with cystic fibrosis :(

Until the next time...

Boundaries

Both girls stayed Monday night and Tuesday night neither of them was thrilled about going home. However, they had no choice since I worked Wednesday. On Wednesday when I worked, one of the hospital social workers gave me a “talking to” about boundaries. I was talking about how the girls’ mom had called me on Sunday night to take the little one and I said I couldn’t since I worked. She asked me “do you ever say no?!” I couldn’t really answer a strong “yes”, but I do think I have valid reasons for letting her “call the shots”. I do not want it to come out that I have been trying for months to get her girls from her. In fact, there have only been a couple of occasions that I asked to take them places. I don’t think I have specifically asked if the teen could stay the night. Those nights have either been the teen’s choice or the mom suggesting it.

I know that I need to protect myself from manipulation, but I also need to protect myself legally.

I realize that their mom wants me around when it is convenient for her. I also know that my relationship with her daughters is threatening, so she is willing to use me both as privilege and punishment. I only believe about half of what she tells me and understand that she could turn on me without notice.

Their mom texted me shortly before 7:00 AM on Thursday. She was concerned about the teen going to work on the bus in a thunderstorm. I was off, so could have easily gone to pick her up and bring her to work, but was enjoying my sleep.  So, I texted her back that maybe she’d have to use an umbrella and to let her problem solve. She texted back an “ok” and an “lol” and the weather was actually okay by the time she went to work. (Full disclosure: If the teen had texted me for a ride, I likely would have done it.)

I picked up the little one from her great-grandma’s house around 2:00 on Thursday afternoon so she could come with us to a baseball game. Their mom was her sweet self and showed me around the house. The little one was anxious to get to my house. We watched a movie (I needed a nap…ha!) and had dinner together. We picked up the teen from work (along with a friend) on our way to the game.

It’s kind of sad for me to be around the little one because she has not progressed at all since they went home. She’ll be five the end of August and can’t even say how to spell her name (it’s only 4 letters), can’t recognize letters (or numbers), and still is kind of difficult to understand at times. She REALLY needs pre-school, so hopefully someone will intervene there because I’ve said all I feel I can say about it.

The game was fun, but on the way back to my house, the little one said she missed her mom and wanted to go home. The teen thought she’d forget by the time we got back to my house since the plan was for both of them to spend the night. I asked her again when we got there and she maintained that she wanted to go home. So, I called her mom to see if she was at home. She was, so I told her I was bringing the little one back since she decided she didn’t want to stay. When we got to her house, she was obviously irritated that the little one was back home. She said her house was a mess and she had a lot to do. I told her that she didn’t want to stay and I wasn’t going to force her. She said “well, you should have made her stay.” Excuse me?! I’m sorry having an almost-5-year-old around cramps your style (believe me, I was wondering how I was going to get things done with her there too!), but she’s YOUR kid! Plus, what kind of words would she have had with me if she knew the little one wanted to come home and I wouldn’t let her?!

I haven’t heard from her since, even though I did send her a text yesterday to see what size shoes the little one wears.

The teen decided to stay Thursday night anyway. I took her to and from work yesterday…and then she decided she wanted to stay last night too. I worked today and she “vegged out” (she did run my dishwasher, so I suppose I can’t really complain…plus, it’s her first weekend of summer vacation and I guess she deserves a break!)

I’m going on vacation tomorrow for a couple of days and she wants to stay at my house while I’m gone as my “house sitter”. I asked her a couple of times if she’d rather stay at my house alone than go home and she said yes. I guess I don’t blame her, but I wonder what, if anything, this means for the “future”. (Meaning, I think the only way she will get the stability she so desires is for me to petition for legal guardianship, which I will NOT do without her 100% on board.) She still needs to ask her mom about staying here and I told her she needs to communicate with me either way, especially if things change part-way through.

I am looking forward to getting away for a couple of days…and think I’ll feel even better if she was at my house where I know she feels safety, security, and love (even if I’m not there…ha!)

So, I understand people being concerned about “boundaries”, but I’m doing the best I can and trying hard to “regroup” as often as necessary to make sure I take care of myself in all of this too. I know their mom is manipulative and try to begin every conversation with her with reminding myself not to let her suck me into her “game”.

I brought the teen to take her final test for work after I got off work even though I haven’t packed. I’m sort of wishing I would have had her take the bus there and picked her up when I got off, but now I had time to write this post while I waited for her rather than not having time to write a post at all ;)

(and, it took nearly 2 hours from leaving my house to getting home...kind of irritating, but nothing can be done now...time to eat and then pack!)

Good night.

Needing a Pick-Me-Up

I was going to title this "Feeling Weary", but I think "Needing a Pick-Me-Up" is a little less dramatic...maybe?!

I've been off all week long. By the time I go back to work on Saturday, I will have been off seven days in a row. You would think I would be rested, but it's been a long week. Lots of fun things, but still long. I was hoping this week would be the "pick-me-up" that I needed after the (di)stress of last week/weekend.

I suppose in some ways, it has been...if I want to be my "glass half-full" self ;)

On Monday I was "on-call" for work, so I couldn't really go anywhere. I did bring the little one to day care, so was here with the teen all day. She remained "mute" until 2:00 when she snapped out of it and was back to her usual self. It is really sad to see how much one visit with her mom changed her. The poor girl is struggling, but she can't (or won't) verbalize what's going on inside. I guess that's a teenager for you, but it would be very helpful to know how to help her. Once she started talking to me, we discussed going to a movie. I asked if she wanted to go "just us" or with the little one too. With a huge grin on her face, she said "both". Of course, O Spoiled One ;) So, once I became "off call", I picked up the little one, we ate dinner, then went to see the movie "Hop". It was cute and the teen and I cracked up at the "adult humor" which was fun.

Tuesday, I brought the little one to day care and the teen and I went to a noon showing of "Soul Surfer". We were the only two people in the entire theater. So, I left one chair between us, but part-way through was wishing I was right next to her so I could "show some love" through my tears. I think it was a special movie for the two of us to see. I left her at home for the afternoon/early evening while I went to a work meeting, picked up the little one, and went to see my counselor. After the little one was in bed, we watched "Glee" and she grumbled about spring break being over and having to go back to school.

Yesterday, I brought my car to the dealer since the "check engine" light came on...$860 to fix...yikes! I brought home a loaner car for the night which was good since I got a call from the day care at 11:45 that the little one had a temp of 99.4 and diarrhea. That shouldn't have been enough to "exclude" her since she WAS continent and that wasn't a "fever", but she had had some diarrhea at home the night before, so I went to get her. The super annoying thing is that she has to see the doctor before she can go back. I told the owner that the doctor would laugh at bringing a kid with a low grade temp and a couple of "loose stools" in to be seen. She was not impressed with my comment and that's the rule...good thing I don't have to pay a co-pay or I'd be really ticked! So, there went my afternoon because now the little one was here...and today too...tomorrow morning I "get" to bring her to the doctor. Lovely. The caseworker came and the service coordinator still won't respond to any of her phone calls or emails. It has been at least six weeks since the service coordinator talked to her. REALLY annoying. I was irritated because when I called the service coordinator to tell her she left me in a really bad place on Sunday, she never once apologized.

Today, since the little one couldn't go to day care, we met my friend and her daughter at the park for a picnic. The two of them play together really well. My friend was a family support worker for a long time and adopted both of her kids through the foster care system (and the same agency). She has been a great support to me. I got an email from the service coordinator telling me that the girls' mom's new place has been approved for overnights. However, she still "only" wants them every other weekend...that's a load of crap in my opinion since the plan is to return them home permanently mid-May/early-June. I mean, what kind of "shared custody" agreement is this?! She gets them every other weekend and I have them full-time. I mean, I love having them, but seriously?! That's how it works?! Also in that email, she said that she read in one of my emails that I offered to transport them to their visit tomorrow. I said nothing of the sort and responded not very kindly to her email. I feel badly about that, but she has told me time and again that I do not have to be responsible for transportation and/or communicating visits with their mom (unless I want to). That is the second time this week she has "let" that happen, or encouraged it... I'm not very happy and I don't get "angry" very often.

So, apparently, the little one is not coming with me to the foster family appreciation party tomorrow. But, since she may not have a visit next weekend, she may get to come with me to the last play of the season at the children's theater (we have gone to six or seven plays/musicals there!) I DID say that I'd be willing to pick her up for the play if she was on a visit, but most definitely didn't offer my services tomorrow. She lives "a lot" further away now and gas is a ton more expensive than it used to be!

There's my rant...I feel better already ;) I did make a really nice photo Mother's Day card for their mom on $hutterfly yesterday which was actually kind of therapeutic for some reason. She was scheduled to meet with the administrators at the teen's school this afternoon to discuss the financial and time commitments of sending your daughter to a private school. If that happened and she is dedicated to allowing her to continue attending that school, then I will feel a great deal better about their transition home.

I am linking to this song because I like it :)



Well, I should probably put laundry away before I have to pick up the teen from school. So much for my "catch up day", but at least I got a blog post written ;)

Non-Meeting Meeting

I was "a bit" stressed out about the family team meeting to be held this afternoon. Even though I thought it would be rough, I was hoping it would be productive, since the past few have not been. The girls are to be going back home very soon, but there are some things that need to be addressed...well, at least things that I think need to be addressed! Personally, I haven't seen an ounce of progress in their mom since the girls came to me over seven months ago which doesn't make me very positive in thinking she isn't going to repeat the behavior that led them to be taken from the home initially. Anyway, I had a "mini conversation" with the teen this morning letting her know I care about her a lot and want what's best for her, but the family team meeting could be tough. There are some things that I'd like to get off my chest, but wasn't sure if I'd really get rid of them at this meeting. However, I kind of wanted her be a little prepared for some harsh words directed at her mom either by me or someone else. Going back home is going to drastically change her life as she has known it for the past thirteen months--some changes obviously are good ones, but others are not. I was thankful she was seeing her counselor before the meeting, and was "lucky" that her counselor called me this morning (since she had written down the appointment for yesterday and wondered why we missed it) so I was able to give her a "heads up" that the afternoon may be hard for the teen.

All that planning/stress was for nothing, though, since when we showed up at mom's apartment, the agency worker was there, but their mom was not. The coordinator arrived shortly after we did and said she had just received a call that the girls' mom was not coming since she was at the unemployment or employment office. Kind of hard to have a "family team meeting" without the mom. (If you are keeping track, no this is not the first time she hasn't showed for a meeting and/or canceled and/or postponed one...pretty sure it's at least the third time, if not the fourth.) We were able to have a "mini-meeting", but couldn't really talk about her without her there, or address any concerns, or have any questions answered, or do much of anything. However, we I did make a point to tell the teen that she HAS to talk to her mom about how important school, HER school, is to her. She is doing amazing there, and did express she would like to graduate from that school. However, it is going to take some commitment on her mom's part, and apparently a lot of extra effort on the teen's part to get to and from school. She was pretty quiet, but she typically is when the conversation is tough (I'm not a fan of the "tough stuff" either...we are two of a kind...ha!) and I'm not sure what she thought about the possibility that the little one would go home first, then their brothers, and then her....

However, even with all of that, no one is able to tell me if there will be a "transition", or if all the kids will just go home at once one day. And, no one knows if this will be two weeks from now, four weeks from now, six weeks from now...their mom has proven to be awful at planning, so who knows how long it will take her to get her new place ready once she gets it!

So, now I need to get myself ready for these conversations another time (hopefully they will plan the next meeting on a day I can go, because I need to be there!). This seriously is messing with me big time! Remember, back before Christmas I wanted to have one of these "heart-to-hearts", prepared myself on at least two different days, maybe three, only to have the service coordinator be there by speakerphone which made it much more difficult. I prepared my heart for them to leave in August, then I prepared myself in case they some how left in between August and the early December court hearing, then I prepared myself for early December, and now when it is closing in on reality, I have no idea what or how to prepare.

In other news, we woke up to no heat...my house was 60 degrees when the teen and I got up at 6:15. I called at 6:40 and the technician arrived by 8:20 to fix it. Awesome! As it turned out, there was a bird in the furnace, but that wasn't the reason I had no heat. We could hear it moving and I was watching him work while sipping my coffee. He asked if I was afraid of birds. I said no, but didn't expect it to come flying out of there, so spilled my coffee everywhere when I jumped! He flew around my basement and then made his way up to the kitchen, then he trapped him in the living room before we directed him out the front door. Exciting morning (he did poop on my kitchen windows...yuck!) The heat was back on before 9:00 and I sent out a recommendation for the company on fb ;)

What a day, what a day. This isn't what I planned to blog about today, but at least I had time to blog something.
Night!

Come on, now, really?!

Come on, now, are you for real?! That's seriously what I wanted to say to the person from the state who called me at 12:45 (after multiple messages left by me) to let me know that tonight's visit was canceled. They didn't have visitation workers to do the visits. It has been at least 2 weeks of canceled visits for that same reason (this time it isn't the mom's "fault"...well, not entirely anyway). That left me texting my mom, dad, and sister letting them know that they would be needing to watch the girls until I got off work AND would have to break the news to the girls that they would not, in fact, be seeing their mother and brothers today.

Seriously, freaking annoying.

And, not only that, but tomorrow's visit was scheduled for 10-1 and Sunday was to be the same. Oh no, that would be WAY too easy since, you know, the whole visit on Saturday morning thing was what almost canceled the birthday party for next week. Nope, tomorrow is either the boys OR the girls and is to be right during the time we were planning to go to church and a baseball game. So, boys it is. Sunday's visit is now from 1-5, seriously. Not only that, but NOW they have visits Monday and Tuesday as well which was totally not in the plan and we made OTHER plans for those days (Tuesday's pick up is scheduled right in the middle of a monthly work meeting...yeah, super nice, thanks).

Oh, and next Saturday's visit is in the afternoon, not in the morning, so I WOULDN'T have had to call their mom and work out a compromise that involved me inviting their brothers and attending a family gathering with them.

So, because they can't get their act together, I had two girls who missed visits, a sister who had to baby-sit longer, a mom who had to alter her work schedule, and a dad who is used to having the house to himself. I was at work, but it did make for a heck of a lot more text messages and phone calls! And this is just what this change did TODAY! Monday and Tuesday are another story because they want to pick up M at a time when she isn't even home from school.

Come on, now, really?! Do these people think that we're sitting around at home eating bon bons waiting for whenever they decide to have visits?! No, we plan things like birthday dinners and birthday parties, things like baseball games and school dances, things like work meetings and church. We aren't going to stop living just because we MAY need to be ready to change our plans at the drop of a hat.

However, we may be learning that we can't get the girls' hopes up for things that could potentially not happen. I, for one, don't want to be the cause of any more disappointment because these girls have had more than their share. I have learned how to make little things exciting, so toning things down may be tough for me!

On a good note of the day, my parents and sister have been AMAZING through all of this, especially since they didn't "sign up for this". Also, M went out with her friend to play miniature golf and they are having a sleepover. L was on her best behavior and there were no issues with her leaving her sister at school and spending the day with my sister alone.

So, with that, good night.

Little Bit of Random

I was at a conference all day and am invited to a birthday party tonight. After working the past two days and STILL dealing with this cold, I'm sleepy and am thinking a nap is a necessity if I want to have fun at the party. So, I'll type fast :)

• The woman next to me at the conference balanced her checkbook and read the newspaper during the first presentation. She again read the paper during the last presentation and some of the rest of the time it looked like she was figuring out her calendar, grocery list, something...I tried to ignore what she was doing because it was annoying.
• However, she was WAY less annoying than the two women behind me. They talked to each other all day long. Yes, you read that correctly--during EVERY.SINGLE.PRESENTATION. It was so rude and disrespectful and irritating. My blood was boiling and it felt like smoke was coming through my ears...I was SO mad! They were bothering (at least) two other women, but none of us said anything and apparently our looks did nothing to stop them. At one point, one of them took the time to clean out her purse...yes, in the middle of the presentations. My final "look back" incited the comment of "if you wanted to pay attention, you shouldn't have sat in the back..." Oh yes she did...only whispered to her friend and not DIRECTLY to me...I was too shocked to have a response. I don't "get" some people.
• I had a "little" panic attack when I noticed that a visitor to my blog came from a link on fb. I have worked for nearly three years to keep my blog "safe", fairly private, and mostly anonymous. I went into panic mode thinking that I had somehow linked my blog to my fb page. From what I can tell, I have not done that, but apparently it must be on fb somehow/somewhere...guess I'll just have to pray that God continues to keep this blog in the right hands. At times, I have thought about really making this a private blog, but I have "met" so many great people from blogging that it hasn't felt "right" to put a stop to "meeting" any new people...
• My cousin is having a wedding shower out of town tomorrow. I requested the day off, and was thinking that I would ride with my mom, sister, and nephew (or with one of my other aunts). I hadn't really figured out any plans, but last night asked my mom if I could ride with her. She seemed VERY surprised that I was off work even though I feel like I told her multiple times (and said that this was why I was ASKING for a ride). A little bit ago, she called to give me more details of our departure plans...and had to drop in a little comment about my "little demands". I definitely called her out on that considering I have barely talked to her this week and haven't been over to visit. She did a little bit of backpedaling and said work has been crazy...okay, totally not my fault.
• There's my little bit of random...I seriously need a nap so I'm not a "party pooper" :)
  

Home...then what?

I was "whining" about never being at home (this post) and then I had four days off in a row over Easter weekend (which I spent with family and at church). Starting yesterday, I have another four days off and TWO of those days (including yesterday) I had no plans, absolutely NOTHING scheduled. Unfortunately, I have discovered time and again that I am TERRIBLE at time management...and yesterday it was highly irritating (not so good to be irritated at yourself, especially when it's something that SHOULD be easily fixed!)

I was going to "blog" last night about the things that I DID accomplish to make myself seem like less of a slug, but my motivation was peaking about the time I needed to go to bed. I did go to Curves (and out for dinner...) and bought my book for the Bloom Book Club. I am considering buying an extra book to donate, but haven't decided yet. I was thinking it would be fun to email Angie/Jessica and let them know that I'm a super bad procrastinator and would send a book to someone who missed the book request deadline...but, also think it would be fun to donate a book to someone who reads my blog and wants one and not have it go through the book club. Or, maybe I can use my $10 for some other kind of donation...again, still weighing my options.

Speaking of "weighing", it seems like there is a "theme" this week of blogging about losing weight/eating healthier. I weigh more than I have in a while, but I don't think I've weighed my "goal weight" since before I was in high school and I haven't even had a baby, so maybe I should change my "goal weight" (although, that "goal weight" would get me into the normal range for BMI...ugh!) Anyway, I'm not quite ready to "go there", but maybe will find some inspiration from those who are and re-consider...especially since the dress I bought yesterday for my cousin's Confirmation is a size up from what I usually buy.

Apparently, when I get irritated with myself for being unproductive, I don't do "easy" things like clear the table/counters or clean my room or vacuum or dust. No, I decide to paint my bathroom. I am done with the primer and hopefully it will require just one coat of paint (I picked "Bumble Bee" which hopefully ends up being the color of yellow I wanted!) I have no idea how I forgot that painting isn't really that fun. I painted my "playroom" in May 2008 and wrote posts titled "Painting is Hard Work", "That's Gonna Hurt", and "Whose idea was this again?", but it DID look good when it was finished. While painting my kitchen in September 2009, I wrote a post called "Aches and Almost There", but that too looked great when it was finished. Apparently, I had amnesia because in November 2009, I was "Painting Again" and tackled the living room. I don't think I ever posted any pictures of my living room, but this post has pictures of a couple of the walls, so you MAY be able to see the "kiwi kissed" walls :o) Maybe I do big projects like these because once you start, you have to finish...which isn't the case in most of the other "projects" that I should be doing. (Like the day I decided to re-caulk the bathtub which took two days!)

I went out with some girls from high school today and am going to a concert tomorrow night (the other girls are meeting at my house, so I need to at LEAST clear the clutter in the kitchen and living room after I paint the bathroom!) I'm also meeting with my counselor for the first time in a month (she said I could start seeing her as needed, but I like having scheduled monthly meetings).

Well, sounds like I have some work to do tomorrow, so I should head to bed. Here are a couple pictures of my nephew from Saturday. My aunt and uncle have a really big window in the living room and even though I tried using the "back light" setting on my camera, the light is still bad. They are really cute, though (especially the one where he is trying to sneak the magazine!) and maybe I'll have to see if they can be edited...

Good night.

Argh

That is my frustration sound. Once again, I am about to go to bed with a messy house. But, that's not really what I am frustrated about right now (although it should be...maybe "annoyed" is a better word for that situation). Anyway, I have a "picture issue". I don't do much with the ones I take besides put them here or on facebook (and sometimes print them). I am not a photographer, so don't need anything fancy. I've put pictures on snapFish and shutterFly, but not recently. My mom has been using walgReens. I got a coupon for free prints on snapFish that I let expire (sad!). I got a coupon for a free photo book on shutterFly that expires tomorrow. I have known about this for a while, so why I waited until 9:30 tonight to start working on it is beyond me. I was thinking it would be fun to make a photo book of my Vegas vacation. That would be easy if everyone who took pictures there had their pictures on shutterFly rather than on walgReens. Since I'm not technologically savvy, I couldn't figure out how to get the pictures from walgReens to shutterFly easily. So, I tried saving each individual picture from walgReens to my hard drive so I could upload them to shutterFly. Well, apparently that doesn't work so well when you save the "thumbnail" version of the picture...and now it is after 10:00 and I'm thinking it would have been better had I never got that coupon because then I could have just made a photo book on walgReens (if I wanted) where all the pictures already are and saved the frustration...or, I suppose I could buy prints and make a book myself.

Argh...I think being frustrated over something as silly as pictures means I shouldn't stay up much longer. Back to work tomorrow.

Good night...oh, Ginger has been doing some Giveaways and the latest one ends tomorrow (as of this moment, there are only 15 entries, so head on over!)

A Little Annoyed

So, I know that I "only" work three days a week, but yesterday on my "day off", I had a meeting from 3:30-5:30. And, Friday is the Halloween Parade and since I am not working I can come and dress up in a fun costume (so I will be at work...on my day off). I work tomorrow (Thursday) and Saturday, and then Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. So, today was REALLY my only day off and I had a ton of stuff to do, errands to run, and my house is still a complete disaster and not at all ready for company (Ginger will be here next week, I am having a jewelry/uppercase living party the following week, and family will be staying here for Thanksgiving). I had a lot to do today and was hoping to be focused enough to get it done.

But, my sister asked if I would watch my nephew so she could get a mani/pedi.

And, since I think that moms deserve to have time away from their babies to get pampered and my nephew is adorable, I said sure.

I took my car in for an oil change/tune up, and went to the bank and the post office before the baby-sitting began. (We did go to lunch together with my brother-in-law and they paid for a portion of my meal as "payment" for baby-sitting.)

I probably could have been productive while my nephew was asleep, but that's when I caught up on facebook and blogs (okay, so part of the issue is my priorities, but I am still annoyed!)

When my sister picked me up for lunch, I found out that her husband had taken the afternoon off so he could run errands before his class. That in itself sort of annoyed me because "some" people have to take their children with them when they run errands. But, whatever, I was watching him so my sister could do her thing.

My nephew did fine, but he does scream and cry when he is tired for a long time if you aren't holding him or rocking him or paying attention to him. This is sad to say, but I'm not used to babies who can't really calm themselves because sometimes the babies at work just have to cry if we are busy and no parents are there and eventually they will go to sleep with a pacifier after tending to their other needs (that is awful, but pretty much the truth). So, I was like "hey, baby, you are fed and dry and tired and in a bouncy seat that is vibrating, so just sleep for goodness sake and stop your screaming"...okay, bad aunt but, again, being honest. Anyway, needless to say, I was not at all productive during the three hours he was with me.

Then, when my sister picked him up, she found out that her husband not only didn't run the errands he was supposed to (you know, get their Halloween costumes and go to the DMV to renew their plates) but he also was skipping class. Are you for real?! So, I'm kinda thinking that he could have watched his own kid while his wife got a mani/pedi since she stays at home all day watching him and usually her nephew too...but, that's just me. So, even though I was able to go get my Halloween costume accessories and to the grocery store after they left, the whole middle of the day when I could possibly have been productive was gone...

So, now that I have typed all this, I am thinking that it sounds pretty selfish and also may have the perspective all wrong because family really should be more important than a clean house and special time with my four-month-old nephew is not going to last forever.

But, now I feel better and should be able to sleep well tonight. Back to work tomorrow!
Good night.

Snap Decision

Today I experienced the side effects of a decision that was made at work which seemed to come completely out of the blue. A significant change to our staffing system between my unit and the PICU was implemented yesterday. The information regarding that change has basically been by word of mouth...someone happened to say something yesterday and it left me speechless. Seriously, I am the chairperson of our unit council and I had NO CLUE!

Personally, I am frustrated because this was NOT communicated well at all. There should have been discussion about how this change would affect work flow PRIOR to it being implemented. There SHOULD have been some guidelines in place about what to do if certain situations arose. Nope, nothing; just a mention in passing. So, there are a lot of REALLY ticked off people, and rightfully so. Communication between our units has always been an issue for some reason. This definitely did NOT help. I really am not looking forward to our meeting next week. People are already getting after me about not leaving enough time on the agenda to discuss unit issues, but it is ALSO my responsibility to bring information from other hospital committees to our unit. This could be the toughest meeting I have had to lead (and the toughest agenda to create because in glancing at the minutes today, I think there are quite a few hospital topics that will need to be discussed...argh!)

Anyway, remember how I was really looking forward to being able to take care of my patients from yesterday?! How excited I was to spend some more time visiting with this new mom I met who ALSO reads blogs?! Well, I was walking into work and had ALMOST reached the door when it dawned on me that it COULD be my turn to "float"...so, somehow I was not surprised to see my name on the board that I was to go work in the PICU. I knew that I would have a good day "down there" but was REALLY bummed to not have "my kids" back.

As I walked into their report room, I was greeted with a very rude comment made by one of the nurses who works on that floor. Apparently, she did not really want me to come help them in their "staffing crunch" and had to make sure I knew that (actually, I am sure the comment would have been directed at ANYONE from my unit, but I was the "lucky" one today). Actually, it made me laugh inside because I couldn't believe how blatantly rude she was (I don't think any of the other people in the room could either!) I shared the "story" with some people from my floor which I maybe shouldn't have done in hindsight, but I AM planning to speak with their manager about this behavior because from the sounds of it, no one has been immune to her rudeness and it makes for a very tough work arrangement for them when they HAVE to work so closely together to care for such sick kids.

It wasn't a bad day. In fact, I was really bored for most of the day. I only had one patient and, if it weren't for a certain medication he was receiving, he would have not needed to be in the ICU. One of the other patients in my area was VERY sick and at the beginning of the day, it looked like today would be her last. So, that definitely changes the "mood" of the day. That, along with this apparent "snap decision" that was made without consideration to how it would affect the nurses who would need to deal with the change made for an interesting day. There are a LOT of upset people right now, but hopefully everyone remembers that we are all still there to take care of the kids. The kids are there to be taken care of, and that care must remain top priority even with the amount of "turmoil" going on around them.

I did go visit the little guy and his mom from yesterday. I got her email address and let her know that I enjoy baby-sitting :o) Boundaries, who needs boundaries?!...ha ha!

Well, that was a nice little venting post for this second day of May. Good thing no one at my work reads my blog! I am just as frustrated as everyone else, but hopefully I will be able to participate in helping to unruffle all the feathers before there are no feathers left :o)

Here is another quote that was in my "inbox" this week as an "inspirational message". It "sort of" goes with this post...a reminder of why I do what I do...even when really annoying things happen.

"Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give." ~David R. Hawkins, American Doctor, Author and Spiritual Teacher


I am looking forward to my sister's baby shower that is tomorrow afternoon. I have to decide what gift I will bring, but I am thinking it will be a gift of all the things I have bought on etsy for him (so far) :o)

Good night!

It Takes All Sorts

It has been a while since I took two days off from posting anything. Sunday night, I went to bed pretty early after a really busy day at work. Last night, I thought I was going to crash as soon as I got home after working four days in a row. I ended up staying awake, but didn't have energy to type anything that would make much sense (ha ha, that doesn't usually stop me, so I guess it isn't too great of an excuse!)

Anyway, I spent over 50 hours at the hospital in four days. The first two went okay, but come Sunday I was just irritated. Every. Single. Thing. Bothered me. I actually reached the point of wishing my ears didn't work for a couple of hours so I didn't have to hear anything for a while. That is not a very good thing to wish for, I know, but my ears are extra sensitive and the constant alarms and other nonsense was driving me insane. We had a set of parents who probably could not have passed a parent test if there was one who annoyed the living daylights out of me. Another set of parents was sick, so I saw them for less than 15 minutes in the 50 plus hours I cared for their child (who, of course cried for extended periods of time since he was a bored baby who didn't feel well). And yet, the mom called Sunday night and tried picking a fight with me. Apparently, I was supposed to call THEM and keep them updated on how their child was doing. Seriously people. Somehow, I managed to keep my cool and NOT say what I really thought (hello, if you wanted updates on your baby you should call ME!)

Yesterday wasn't QUITE as bad as Sunday, just busy. Attitude definitely makes a difference, as does the people you are working with. Of course, knowing it was my LAST day of work for a couple days probably helped too! Too bad I was so "done" with being at the hospital that I couldn't bring myself to go there for a memorial service today for a child who passed away on Saturday. Usually I am the one the chaplain counts on to be there, but I just couldn't do it today.

After a crazy four days (Friday, I ran my car into my retaining wall, Saturday I heard some sad news, and after Sunday and Monday I am happy to still have all my hair), I decided that today would be a "do nothing day". So, I rolled out of bed just before 11:00. I stayed in my pajamas until I finally showered around 2:00. I did this and that, but nothing TOO productive. I did get a fun warning from facebook telling me that I could be "engaging in behavior that may be considered annoying or abusive by other users". They let me know that I could potentially be permanently blocked from facebook if I did not stop this behavior. It made me laugh, but I actually think I would be pretty upset if I lost my facebook privileges (especially since I "scored" a free gallon of milk because one of my facebook friends offered it up on her "status"!)

I talked to quite a few friends today, which made it a good day :o) I also made plans to get together with a couple of them.

Well, I started this post at 10:22 (my "favorite time"!) and now it is 12:23 because I was "facebook chatting" rather than "blog posting".

So much for an exciting post...I had planned on making it a good one since I took two nights off, but this is all I got. I started getting "Quote of the Day" emails in addition to the ones on my blog. I signed up for them a long time ago and then requested they stop. All of a sudden they started coming...today's was pretty good and, if it wasn't so late, it probably would be nice to reflect on its meaning! "God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. He must accept it. The only choice is how." ~Henry Ward Beecher, 1813-1887

Good night!

Ok, so now it is nearly 2:00 in the morning and I haven't even gotten back into my pajamas (I guess I needed to stay in "real clothes" for 12 hours!) So, what are the chances I am actually going to get up to go work out and still make it to lunch at 11:30?! Hmm...maybe sleeping in until 11:00 wasn't such a great idea for the "big picture" but it sure was nice for the day! And, that title would have made much more sense if I had written more about the crazy people I had to deal with during those four work days! Oh well. Good night again!

Out of the Loop

That's what I feel like. I feel like not having a computer at home leaves me "out of the loop". Sure, yesterday I checked my email and did whatever "blog reading" I could do while I was at work, but I WAS at work and couldn't take the time to really read what was written, and definitely not much time to post comments...

Not having a computer at home, though, DID give me ample opportunity to mail nearly 20 cards (with my Christmas picture in them, but I won't call them "Christmas Cards" seeing as it is the middle of January!) I'm also over halfway through my book. I have also watched quite a bit of TV, took a nice long bath (when I woke up this morning it was -13 degrees not including the wind chill), and have enjoyed my naps. I also did a little bit of cleaning (not a lot, but my house does look a little better).

Since I live alone, I do enjoy the contact with the "outside world" that my computer provides. Even if it is with folks on the other side of the computer, I don't feel quite as alone (okay, maybe there are some "issues" there, but I'm just going to "go with that"!). So, I've been a little bored, which typically would mean I would snack. However, since I'm on this "diet", I can't even do that, so I have been alone, bored, AND hungry. Wow, that's a lot of whining!

Well, my dad has already looked over my shoulder a few times to see what I was doing and kind of wondering how long I was going to spend on the computer. Again, a nice part about using my own computer in my own home :o) I have no clue when I will get it back. On Tuesday, I went to the shop and they told me "nothing is wrong". I let them know that the speakers weren't ACTUALLY broken when I took it there because I had reset the computer to the way it was when I bought it. Hopefully they are doing more "investigating" like I asked. I'd really like to be able to upload iTunes some time in the near future...my iPod only has Christmas music on it. And, while I do enjoy me some Christmas music, it IS the middle of January!

Good night.

Again? Seriously?!

So, last week, I put some tunes on to play on my computer (thanks Emily !) I thought I heard a bit of scratchiness and skipping going on, but thought that could not POSSIBLY be true. My computer was just there getting it's speakers fixed at the beginning of December, plus I had them fixed back in the Spring. Out of curiosity, I called to see when they would just replace the whole computer. Apparently, the same problem has to occur four times before they replace it. Gee, thanks, as if three times isn't enough.

I tried to ignore it, thinking that MAYBE I was just hearing things because I'm sensitive to that. However, tonight I tried to watch a TV show online as well as a news clip. The sound on the TV show hardly worked at all, and the picture was also a little choppy (new problem?!) The news clip was just choppy...

I guess that means I should get it fixed if I want to enjoy those kinds of things on my computer. The worst part about it is not having a computer at home for however long they need it. I suppose now is as good of a time as any considering it is still pretty much wiped out from the LAST time they had it (AND I now have an external hard drive!)

I'm also really annoyed because people at work were talking about this show and I wanted to see it....now I'll have to see if my mom DVRed it, but then I'd have to go THERE to watch it...I could also watch it on their computer.

Anyway, I DID have a good day at work and didn't feel NEARLY as miserable with this "program" I am doing, and it actually is going pretty well (of course, a nice encouraging email from my friend to start the day helped a ton!) I think I will get into bed with a book...seeing as I can't listen to music on my computer, or watch the TV show I wanted to see.

Good night.

Second Verse

not QUITE as the same as the first.

Back at work today, and once again we have a "packed house", which made for a generally busy day. However, today I actually had a bit of "down time" that I spent coloring with a patient. (She wanted to have a drawing/coloring contest...um, I think I'll pass on that considering that side of my brain doesn't work very well...) That was fun until I realized that it put me a little behind on the stuff I actually needed to do in order to get off work on time. But, I guess it was still fun and I didn't get out TOO late, but it made for a crazy couple of hours.

I had pretty much the same dinner as last night (I like these new salads I found that have dressing and mixings to made different "flavors" of salad...of course I eat the whole bag which probably takes some of the healthiness out of it...). And HAD to make another smoothie. This one wasn't quite as messy, but also not QUITE as yummy.

I may have gone a little overboard with trying to "fix" my computer tonight. A friend told me about a place where you can play online games. So, I signed up, but something I did (either when I upgraded my Internet Explorer right before that or in the process of signing up or maybe something else?!) made it so that when I decided I was done playing, that window wouldn't close without shutting down everything...I tried a bunch of times, so maybe I just need to restart my computer and see if that does anything... Ah, technology...it is fitting that the "Quote of the Day" is--Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it. ~Lou Holtz...

Well, I have tomorrow off, so am looking forward to sleeping in :o) Good night.

Back in the Shop

Well, I decided to take my computer back to get fixed. I enjoy listening to music too much on my computer to not be able to do that (and even though it has been less than two days the skipping and scratchiness was too much for me!). They are not sure how long it will take...I am just hoping that it is an "easy fix" like a loose wire or something that does not involve sending away for parts (or having to wipe out my system like they did back in March...it took me until last week to get my computer back to the way I liked it!)

I'm not sure what I will do without my computer (probably get a lot more done around the house!). I decided to have this post tomorrow some time (how about 10:22 AM...I like 10:22!) so it won't be like I actually missed a day. Tonight, I am going to watch my dad's first basketball game. He is coaching two seventh grade girls teams again this year (I think the "B" team plays tonight.) I get to keep score when I am able to attend. I decided to do that rather than attend a Christmas concert. It will be the first time I have missed the concert of a local artist who used to sing in the choir at my church in a long time. My parents are trying to "cut back", and I have a pile of bills that hopefully can be paid in two weeks when I get my next pay check. So, it wasn't really the best way to spend $50 this year.

However, in honor of the concert, here are the words to one of her songs (and maybe a link to part of it if the link works!). For some reason I really like it, although this is the first time I have actually read all the lyrics (I typed them as I listened to the song). I'm not QUITE ready for snowflakes, although I did see my first ones of the year on Saturday.

Snowflakes
When we begin, we play on the wind softly coming down.
When we fall, we feel so small as we look around.

When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.

As we weave our pattern in time, we're choosing a path.
Some will overcome, some will be done, we'll soon see what we have.

When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.

Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight.

We realize a lifetime has an end.
Our face is lost as we become a part of everyone.

When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.
When our journey is done we will be as one when we reach the ground.

A little upgrade

Well, this is going to be kind of a "boring" post since it is after 11 and I need to finish doing some laundry. I wanted to be a little more insightful about the day, but this is "all I got"...

I went and worked out this morning before going to lunch with a friend. She is about 25 weeks pregnant and it is SO great! She had a couple miscarriages this past year, so I have been praying a lot for this little one. So far everything is going well with her pregnancy, and we had a really nice visit.

After that, I went and bought a new cell phone. My old one was having some "issues" after being dropped a few too many times. The people at the store actually laughed at my phone (as they did before I bought this one!) because it is "so old" in the world of cell phones. I only use it to make phone calls and send text messages. I share a plan with my parents, and we do not pay for internet access. So, I didn't really need a phone with all the "bells and whistles", so almost bought another "plain Jane" kind of phone that wouldn't cost me much at all. However, I decided to "splurge" a little bit and do a little upgrade. Maybe one day I will convince my parents that I need to be able to access Google from my cell phone, but in the mean time, I am content just trying to figure out how to use the features I have :o)

That is NOT good! Um, a "little" broken... Nice upgrade :o)

Little did I know that would not be the only "expense" of the day! My cousin is having a bachelorette party on Saturday. The attire is "little black dress" and my sister and I are none too thrilled by that. I DO own a black dress that I haven't tried on in a long time, so am not sure if it still fits. My sister does not have a dress that is black. Neither of us really had the "extra funds" to purchase a dress for this occasion. But, it is our cousin, so we tried. I ended up finding one that was on sale for less than $40, and maybe I will be able to wear it again soon. We also had to get a gift (we did split the cost of that, but was still nearly $30 each).

Oh well, I guess it's "only money" and that's why I have a job, right?!

Tomorrow I am going to a retreat, and I'm REALLY excited about it! So, I'd better go check my laundry and head to bed.

Good night.

I made it...

barely :o) I made it through my third day in a row of working after being off for two weeks. Our census is REALLY low, but it doesn't get that way without a LITTLE work! In the three days I worked, I sent four patients home, got a post-op patient, had an admission, and transferred a patient from one side to the other. I administered two units of platelets. I did a bit of "chit-chatting". Things went pretty darn well, and I ALMOST wish I was working tomorrow to continue the fun (but, I have lunch plans and don't think they need an "extra" nurse considering at least one should get to have the day off!) Late this afternoon, for some reason, I blew a fuse. My blood was boiling and I was burning up from head to toe. Luckily, it wasn't busy, so I was able to sit for a while and take a "chill pill" (and a nice large glass of ice water!) It was so crazy that what this parent said/did got to me the way it did because normally I probably could have laughed it off. However, at that moment, like I said, it sent me through the roof. I suppose maybe it is good for everyone that I have two days off now :o)

This picture was posted on the patient's web site. It isn't THAT much better of a picture, but I think it is cute. She makes a cute little spiderman, with muscles and all :o) Today she "tatooed" me with a lady bug tatoo on my left arm...so fun!

I've had a sore throat the past couple days which is pretty annoying. I've been trying to drink extra water, and will be sure to get some extra rest the next two days (sleep is usually not a problem, especially when I have days off!) I don't really have any other symptoms, so it is probably related to the fact that I was traveling in different parts of the country, the weather has been changing, with temperatures varying quite a bit from day to day, and my sleep was kind of messed up last week. I just hope it doesn't turn into anything else, because patients in the hospital typically don't like it if their nurse sounds sick!

Well, that's about it for today :o) Good night!

I am NOT getting sick!

I CANNOT get sick! I am leaving for vacation in less than 40 hours. While there is NO good time to be sick, this is REALLY not a good time. So, I am telling myself I am not getting sick, and hope that works (along with a little extra Vitamin C...my mom also said something about getting some "rest", but seeing as it is after 10 and I am not ready for bed yet, I don't see an early bedtime in my future tonight!).

This morning, I started with a "tickle" in my throat that sort of developed into a "frog". Then I started coughing like crazy (choking on my own saliva for some reason was my excuse :o) ) for a short period of time. Then, that all went away and I felt SO HOT. I'm a really "hot blooded person" and the temperature changed here quite a bit, so the hospital probably switched over to heat already. I refused to take my temperature...I didn't want to know (plus, I really DIDN'T feel sick, just annoyed at the possibility that I could potentially be getting some sort of cold)

Getting a flu shot this morning probably wasn't my most brilliant idea. However, I WILL be going on an airplane (or two or five) and be breathing different air. So, maybe it wasn't a TERRIBLE idea either.

Well, I suppose I should either be doing some packing or heading to bed. Good night.

It's too late

to write a "real" journal entry tonight. I completely screwed up my sleep schedule by staying up so late Friday night and sleeping in yesterday since I had to go back to work today. I couldn't fall asleep last night (since I had gotten up so late) and then wanted to stay in bed. I'm sure the fact that the past few days have been rather humid and today was kind of chilly (one of those stay under the covers days!) didn't help. Thankfully, it was a pretty slow day (I had two patients all day and had a new nurse working with me...she took one and I had the other, so not bad at all!). Everyone is still getting used to the new charting system and dealing with some of my co-workers has been quite a challenge and definitely testing my patience. I'm not sure I am passing this test like I did with the painting project. I've done quite a lot of venting. It isn't really very nice to talk that way, but I guess that goes to show that, unfortunately, I'm not always that nice. I DID try to be helpful today and came across as judgmental and maybe even rude, so I stopped trying. Wow, what a TERRIBLE attitude! I best be on my way to bed for the sake of all who must work with me tomorrow :O) Good night!

Oh, forgot to mention...I wore my "fashion show" outfit to the birthday party for my friend's son who turns 2 tomorrow. Her husband was outside when I got there. The first thing he said to me was "I like your jeans." How cool is THAT?! Just what this girl needed to hear...aren't friends wonderful?! :o)