Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore, that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any fellow human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it for I shall not pass this way again. ~Stephen Grellet
After I returned from Chicago, I created a slide show of pictures from my trip. I'm not exactly technologically savvy, so was rather proud of how it turned out. I can't tell you how many times I have watched it (I even watched it on Friday in between packing!) I'll actually re-post part of the original post from June 11, 2009. (I had technological difficulties while posting it and am still not sure if everyone who wanted to see it could see it...if it's something that you want to see and you can't, let me know! :) )
Worth the Wait? (Originally posted June 11, 2009) Yes, I realize that it is 2:30 in the morning, but I have been working on my pictures from my trip for days and it is finally ready. It was "approved" by Ginger and she "requested" I post it "sooner rather than later". So, here you go! There is music, so if you are watching it from my blog, you may need to pause my other music. I am sorry that the slides with words on them go so fast...I had more than my share of "issues" putting it together and was tired of fighting my computer (not that I ACTUALLY would have known how to fix the problem!), so this is what you get. Enjoy!
**Ahh, that may have been a "teaser"...I'm not sure if my link works or not...if you want to watch it and you cannot, please let me know by either emailing or leaving a comment...darn technology!**
Since the quotes go by WAY too fast, I decided to go ahead and "list" them here. It will also be nice for me to have them all in "one place" for future reference! "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." ~Anais Nin
"I don't believe in accidents. There are only encounters in history. There are no accidents." ~Pablo Picasso
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." ~e e cummings
"Hugs are the universal medicine." "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures." ~Kahlil Gibran
"Never go on trips with anyone you do not love." ~Ernest Hemingway
"That is the best--to laugh with someone because you both think the same things are funny." ~Gloria Vanderbilt
"The world would be so lonely, in sunny hours or gray. Without the gift of friendship to help us every day." ~Hilda Brett Farr
"Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence." ~Sydney Smith
"Happiness is time spent with a friend and looking forward to sharing time with them again." ~Lee Wilkinson
"Never shall I forget the days I spent with you. Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours." ~Ludwig van Beethoven ____________ Just a couple additional quotes that didn't make it into the slide show (since I spent a good portion of the day looking up quotes, I may as well share them!)
"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live."
"A laugh is a smile that bursts." ~Mary H. Waldrip
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~Bernard Meltzer
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same."
I seriously can't believe this is my 800th post...or that I started this blog three years ago! Time sure does fly (and apparently I really enjoy posting to my blog!)
I missed my 700th post by a couple of days, but wrote about it here.
I did catch both my 600th and my 500th posts, both of which have "re-caps" of the previous post "milestones".
Exactly one year ago today, on May 29, 2009, I met Ginger for the very first time in Chicago. Today, I am flying to her home and meeting the rest of her family. There is no coincidence in this (I am a big fan of "dates", so I definitely kept this date in mind. Since it is a holiday weekend that is not MY holiday to work, it worked out perfectly...and I will not take the credit for that!)
The night/early morning before I left for Chicago, I wrote the following post. I feel that it is worth repeating, so will post it in its entirety here, along with the addition of a video of the song I posted. Enjoy :)
What is a Friend? (originally posted May 29, 2009)
A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be. A friend is the one who will always be beside you, through all the laughter, and through each and every tear. A friend is the one thing you can always rely on; the someone you can always open up to. A friend is a sanctuary. A friend is a smile. A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter where you are. A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart. ~Collin McCarty
I have been thinking a lot about friends recently, and have been waiting for just the right moment to post this poem. I have decided to leave my lap top at home for this vacation, and am planning to set this entry to post right around the time I meet up with Ginger and Lauren.
Friends have kind of been a funny thing in my life. In elementary school, I went through a couple "best friends", but mostly I was friends with everyone (which, unfortunately, did not really translate to getting invited to the "cool parties") In high school, I was fortunate to have a couple "best friends" with whom I remain very close. (Remember, our very own "fifteen feet of fun"?!) But again, friends with everyone was kind of "my thing" and that pretty much continued through college. I am still friends with one member of "AMEALAKA" :o)
I had coffee today with a friend I have known since I baby-sat her kids who are now 14 and 18. She and I talked for over three hours and it was AWESOME! And, in total "un-randomness", I stopped by Target on the way home to pick up a couple things and ran into my friend (totally unflattering picture of us here) who was in town from a state away as her son is evaluated for a second transplant. They actually were stopping by Target on their way out of town, so it was GREAT to get to see her! Of course, I have my friend that I met on the beach when we were ten. There are friends I have met through work, through church, through school, and yes through this here blog (I was going to link to that, but you are already here!)
I have friends from coast to coast, from north to south, from small towns to big cities. I have friends with families, and friends who are single or do not yet have children. I have a few friends who have had the basically "drama-free" life that I have been privileged to experience, and many who have endured the darkest times I hardly knew existed.
There are friends who came to me in ways I never could have imagined, and those who arrived when I needed them the most. Friends who make me laugh. Friends who put life in perspective. Friends who encourage. Friends who have so much faith in God even when life has given them so many reasons to stop trusting Him. Friends who let me be who I am and are okay with that. Friends who listen. Friends who always have words of wisdom. Friends of all shapes and sizes, from all economical, family, and religious backgrounds. Friends of all different ages. (For living a pretty "sheltered" life, I do have a rather diverse group of friends and I LOVE that!)
I have lived alone long enough and gone places alone more times than I can count. However, to say that I do not have jitters going into this weekend would be a lie (and, if you have read this blog long enough, you know that I not only have troubles keeping secrets, lying is definitely not something I even attempt because it would not be successful!) I don't remember my first day of kindergarten, but I imagine this is what it may have felt like. I am SO excited and know that there will be open arms and great people waiting for me in that airport, but my hands still shake as I think about this "plan" becoming a reality in a few short hours (probably should start packing since my ride is coming in six hours!)
I will close this post on friendship with the lyrics to a song I absolutely adore. I have listened to it SO many times and it still brings tears to my eyes (not ALL the time now, but SOMETIMES!) It is from the musical Wicked.
(Elphaba): I'm limited Just look at me - I'm limited And just look at you You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda So now it's up to you For both of us - now it's up to you...
(Glinda): I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good
(Elphaba): It well may be That we will never meet again In this lifetime So let me say before we part So much of me Is made of what I learned from you You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a skybird In a distant wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you
(Glinda): Because I knew you
(Both): I have been changed for good
(Elphaba): And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness For the things I've done you blame me for
(Glinda): But then, I guess we know There's blame to share
(Both): And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda): Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba): Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
(Both): Who can say if I've been Changed for the better? I do believe I have been Changed for the better
(Glinda): And because I knew you...
(Elphaba): Because I knew you...
(Both): Because I knew you... I have been changed for good...
Thank you for being my friend. I know that because of you, I have been changed for good...and am looking forward to MUCH more of that when I return from my vacation (one of these days I WILL have to return to work...ha ha!)
It's T minus sixteen hours until my dad picks me up for the airport. All of my laundry is clean and my list of what I want to pack is complete. I probably will call Ginger at some point to make sure I have packed everything I will need for whatever she has planned for us. I'm just looking forward to "hanging out", but I know Ginger and it doesn't sound like she hangs around home NEARLY as much as I do and she has three kids! It sounds like the weather will be nice and spring/summer clothes don't take up as much room as winter ones do, so maybe my suitcase won't scream that I'm an over-packer!
Since my flight doesn't leave until the afternoon, I'm hoping that in addition to packing, I will also convince myself to leave my house in a better condition than it is now...as in, maybe I should vacuum!
I received another call about foster kids this morning. It was a 4-year-old boy and his 4-week-old brother. I am struggling with how I handled/responded to that call. The caseworker knew I was leaving town tomorrow, but thought maybe the placement could wait until I got back. I didn't sound convincing at all when I asked her to call back next week and didn't exactly give her a "yes" or "no". I got into the shower after that call and was really upset with myself. Isn't this what I wanted? The past couple of weeks, I have been amazed by God's plan for me that was completely different than anything I expected. Why should this be anything different? Yes, my little girl dreams were to have little girls of my own, but can't that happen even if my first kids are boys?! Absolutely, positively yes. And, hasn't the major "road block" to saying yes be my schedule and having time to arrange child care? This call would give me nearly a week to figure out those details. Haven't I said time and again (including yesterday!) that I think 4-year-olds are "the best"...and here's a call about a 4-year-old. So, how come I was unable to "pull the trigger" and say "yes, this sounds like the 'perfect' placement"?!
As soon as I got out of the shower, I left the caseworker a message telling her that I had thought about it a little more and it sounded like something I would want more information about. I called her back again later since I hadn't heard back. She let me know that they no longer needed placement for those boys.
However, I probably should continue to work toward making my house "kid ready". My basement is ready and the guest room should work for a number of different ages of kids, but likely not for all. I've gotten rid of maybe close to half the clutter, but my house is still way more cluttered than it should be.
Well, I have more preparing to do before getting on that plane tomorrow afternoon. I'm still thinking about getting posts ready to post while I'm on vacation because that just sounds like a fun thing to do :) The next post will be my 800th one!
(with an under-emphasis on the "Brat"...hopefully!)
I'm kind of feeling "spoiled" right now. It seems like things keep on falling into place in my favor. So much so that it is nearly "unbelievable"...except that I know better. Sure, these past few weeks have had their rough spots (like this). However, as soon as I decided not to worry, the days ahead proved to be even better than I could have imagined...
I found out yesterday that they were not going to need people to work at the new hospital today. Since I have been working there, my "call off date" would likely be further back than my other co-workers. When I stopped by my floor for my interview yesterday, I checked the schedule to find that there was only one "extra" nurse scheduled and it was quite possible there wasn't going to be ANY "extra" nurses. For real?! The one day that I wouldn't have alternative plans for hours, I would actually be needed on my unit?! I didn't even have to be "on call" because someone called last night to say they would do that (it probably would have been my "turn").
Today was a REALLY nice day, which was much appreciated because I haven't had to deal with a "full load" of patients for quite some time! It was so nice, actually, that the other nurse in my area, myself, and our nursing assistant were ALL able to enjoy part of Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel since tonight was "movie night". All of the patients from my area were able to go and we were able to have some nachos, popcorn, and pretzels if we wanted. They have been doing movie nights once a month. Last month they showed The Princess and the Frog and I was able to stay for the entire movie. I only saw part of the movie today and it totally cracked me up...I'm going to need to see the whole thing some time! Being a pediatric nurse is so much fun (and challenging, but lots of times fun!) I am so fortunate to REALLY love what I do!
My experience at the new hospital was much more than simply "getting hours". I took on a leadership role I did not know that I had in me and am proud of the work that I did. It was a perfect fit for me to be able to share my knowledge while also being a "cheerleader" and calming influence. If I wanted to do some "deep thinking" (which I actually DO need to start doing more!), I would say that the person they saw there is the one that those who read this blog see. The first words I heard yesterday when I arrived were "raving reviews" from nurses who worked with me during the previous shifts. If it hadn't been 7:00 in the morning, I probably would have cried because the words were so genuinely kind. Even though I get positive feedback from my manager, I rarely get that kind of feedback from my peers. Those nurses respected and appreciated me enough to share that with my contact person. We are starting to work on our annual performance evaluations and I asked my contact person to share this feedback with my manager :) Again, this opportunity to work at the other hospital in a different capacity was so much better than I ever could have imagined both financially and personally...again, I'm spoiled ;)
My interview seemed to go well and I appreciate all the prayers and "good vibes". Thankfully, the "interviewer" was my friend from media relations, so I sat and chatted with her right up to the time they started taping to keep me from getting nervous. She said my answer to her first question was really good :) Later, I had trouble forming coherent words and sentences, but at least most of it was good! This was another little "out of the box" moment and I'm excited to "mingle" with the people at the fund raising event next month.
Maybe I just feel like a "spoiled brat" because I'm trying REALLY hard to find the best in every situation and remain positive as much as possible. I like to think that I've ALWAYS been a really positive person, and for the most part, that is probably true. However, things just seem a little bit different now and my eyes are truly open to blessing after blessing that are sent my way. Probably still "spoiled", but also simply because I realize how fortunate/"lucky" I am :)
Well, I was going to try and type up a few posts to "go" while I'm visiting Ginger. I will bring my net book with me, but likely won't write about my trip until I come back...at least I'm not planning to make "blogging" a priority (even though we met BECAUSE we blog...ha!) However, this post took me entirely too long and I'm tired. So, I'll either do that tomorrow or it is an "idea" that doesn't make it to reality.
Good night. ______________________________ My Dashboard says that I have made 796 posts. However, the "published" section says that I have posted 797 times. According to my home page, 100 posts in 2007 + 345 posts in 2008 + 259 posts in 2009 + 93 posts (so far!) in 2010 = 797 posts. Weird that they don't "add up"... However, I think I'll go with "majority rules" and count this as my 798th post so I can plan a special "800th post" if I so desire!
I just got home from my 9:30 softball game. I can't believe we play SO late! I got to watch the entire season finale of The Biggest Loser before I left for the game. We won, making this our second win in a row and our record 2-2. I got a hit my third time up and also tagged a girl out at the plate (I LOVE that!) Of course, there's always at least ONE ball that finds my shin, but I'll be okay :)
Tomorrow, I'm hoping they will let me go work at the other hospital again. I did that yesterday and it is really nice. The nurses there are really frustrated learning the computer system and there are growing pains with figuring out communication and work flow. I was able to be a "cheerleader" with a positive attitude and encouraging words. It was very fun being able to do that! Also, if I work there, it will be easier to sneak away for an interview...
We have just started a music therapy program with funding from a donor. It is currently a part-time position, but they are wanting to make it full-time and more permanent. So, there is going to be a fund raising video and also a fund raising event. They wanted to interview a nurse and since I'm friends with the person in media relations who is in charge of the project, she asked if I would be that nurse. My director said I would be good "as long as my face doesn't get red"... So, it would also be MUCH better for my nerves if I don't have to leave my patients for the interview and not stress out about things that need to be done while I'm gone. They will allow me to leave the other hospital for the interview and then go back to finish the shift. I was given a question to "ponder" and hopefully will be able to make some sense when I talk, but also not sound "scripted". I'm very excited to be a part of this, and am going to TRY not to be disappointed if things don't work out the way I have planned... I have been thinking about my answer to my question, so hopefully I can remain calm and make some sense.
So, I decided to turn on my A/C since it is over 80 degrees in my house and I don't want to sweat all night long! I'm going to wash my hair tonight and get up early to make sure my hair and make-up looks nice (I hardly ever get THAT ready for work...ha!)
Four days until I see Ginger!
This is my 797th post...hard to believe I've been "blogging" for three years and posted nearly 800 times!
Good night...and, if you could send "good vibes" to me tomorrow afternoon (or prayers for calm, cool, and collected...ha!) that would be awesome :)
I really shouldn't be SURPRISED at how things seem to be "falling into place", but it's still amazing...
Nine days ago, I was SO sad about getting called off work AGAIN and wondering what I was going to do. I was trying REALLY hard to trust in God and not worry about how things were going to work out, but trust that they would. I posted this as my facebook status: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."... Matthew 6: 25, 34 )"
Then, three days ago, an amazing opportunity fell into my lap. I'm STILL counting my blessings! Honestly, I have been having to pinch myself that this is actually happening. Yesterday, I actually went to the other hospital and worked for nearly eight hours...some of which will be overtime pay...yes, OVERTIME...I can hardly believe it!
Tomorrow, I think it would be my turn to be "forced off" yet again. I worked today, but went home a little early because we only needed four nurses...there are EIGHT scheduled for tomorrow. I'm not exactly sure if the way this is being handled is "fair", but I am taking my blessings as they come and trying not to worry about "fair". There is a reason this is happening to me, and I just need to say "thank you" rather than question whether or not I deserve this.
As I was leaving (remember, it was 2 1/2 hours early), I ran into the parents of a patient who hasn't been on my floor in nearly six months. I think about them ALL the time, but don't just go down to the ICU to visit. I always "hope" that I will run into them some day, but since am rarely off the floor besides my walk in and walk out. Well sure enough, as I was about to go down the escalator, they were coming up! Seriously, how about that?! Not only that, but the mom immediately gave me a hug and sent her husband ahead. Now, I only took care of this patient for 1 1/2 shifts, so it is really special to have that kind of relationship with them. :) She and I visited for quite a while, and I shared with her this story of trusting Him and how things have worked out. She shared a similar/different story and it was just a beautiful conversation about faith, trust, and His promises (don't worry, I WILL provide...etc.) Seriously, our "chance meeting" couldn't have come at a better time because I was "dying" to share this story with someone besides the people who read this blog :) I really should try to arrange some kind of out-of-hospital meeting, especially since they have family in town and it would be fun to meet them.
Well, I suppose I should get ready for bed. This transition from not working to working kind of a lot has made me a little sleepy...ha! I can hardly believe I'm going on vacation in six days...I am SO excited!!
Updated at 2122...Hey now, I set this post to go at 1912, but it posted right after I wrote it...boo on that one :o( I wonder what happened...oh well, it's fixed now :)
This is what I wrote (it kinda makes me laugh, especially at how short it is...my first few posts WERE really short and now my posts go on and on and on...ha!): "Okay, so in the past five months, I have opened a myspace account, a facebook account, and now a blog. No wonder I have gained 12 pounds! I haven't quite figured out myspace or facebook, but read a lot of blogs and it looks like something I can do. Of course, I am not really sure I have anything interesting to say, or if anyone would really care, but figure it was worth a try. Anyway, this is the first one. So far so good." Well, I still have those 12 pounds and then some, have no clue how to access my myspace account, and use fb quite a bit. I still read lots of blogs (even more than I did then!). If I have added correctly, this is my 795th post (not 795 times of having something "interesting to say"...ha!) I can't believe how much has happened in three years. This blog and I, we've been through a lot together! Weddings and funerals, births and deaths, tough times and times of triumph. I have learned so much about myself and have grown in my faith. I have "met" many people who put life into perspective for me, those who choose joy even in the midst of pain, those who bring out the best in me, and love me for who I am. I was hoping that I would have "blog friends", but I never could have guessed that I would also gain "real friends" too. And, one week from today, I'll be landing in the the 'Burgh ready to wrap my arms around one of them :)
Happy three year blogoversary to me...and ALMOST 800 posts! I'll have to figure out something fun for that one :)
So, how many times have I said I missed work, how I really wanted to go back to work, how I NEEDED to go back to work?! Well, I definitely had to fight off the complaints today because I was EXTREMELY close to saying that I REALLY wanted to be at home! My days of staying up late caught up to me me and I am POOPED! My neck also still hurts which is really annoying (I AM getting a pedicure in the morning, so hopefully they have a massage chair that can at least do a LITTLE something with that!) It honestly shouldn't have been a bad day since I didn't have a "full load" of patients. However, my new patient came right at the time I wanted to eat lunch and my other patient had stuff that needed to be done. Needless to say, as hard as I tried to tell myself differently, I still found that having a 3:30 lunch is "really crappy". I actually felt awful by that point since I was tired and hungry and crabby and a little stressed...and reminding myself that I wanted/needed to work and that I do love my job.
I should be in bed asleep, but have been doing a little bit of catching up on twitter and blogs and some DVR shows (and having a green apple smirnoff :) ) But, my drink is almost finished and I'm fading fast, so should go to bed. I signed up for some extra shifts, but am not sure if I will get them. However, if I DO, then I'll need to get some sleep in order to function during them!
Pedicure in the morning...theme party at night...(Crazy pants or No pants...that will be interesting!) These are the same people who had the party to honor pizza delivery drivers...crazy folks, but fun party (have to work on Sunday, so not LATE partying, but good times :) )
Even though I got crabby and hungry and tired, I still love my job...and wishing to go back there is okay :)
This is the "quote of the day" on my blog: "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." ~Martin Luther King, Jr. How appropriate for this day that began with a very early morning fb status update of "counting my blessings"...
Last night, I HAD to stay awake watching my twitter feed to catch the "first" picture of Angie and Todd's baby Charlotte. It may be pathetic, but true, and I didn't turn my phone off until midnight...and she is super cute :) (I talked to Angie back in October when she was here and with a quick little math, I suppose that means I "met" Charlotte then too...I like knowing that :) ) Since I was scheduled to work today, I knew it would be a short night, but decided I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing there were going to be cute new baby pictures coming if I could just stay awake a LITTLE later than usual!
Well, I didn't realize HOW short of night it was going to be! My phone rang at 4:45 to let me know it was my turn to stay home again. Unbelievable! In case you are counting, today is May 20. I was called off last Friday, the 16th. That was a tough day! I also got called off ten days before that, on May 6. While I was able to go to the zoo with my sister and nephew, it was still tough. I was forced to stay home at least three other times this year...not fun at all!
However... there was a catch. A hospital in the same "health system" as my hospital just opened its doors on Monday. Since it was a brand new place with many new nurses to the system, they needed some extra people to help "hold hands", "be cheerleaders", and calm the frustration that can come from computer charting, bar code medication administration, and new work-flow. For the past two days, nurses had been given the option to go work there instead of being forced to stay home and have it count as their "day off". I was supposed to be there at 6:30, but I was ALL for that option. So, even though I was very tired as I got ready for work this morning, I was counting my blessings that I was given the opportunity to work today, even though I had no clue what was in store for me.
I actually had a really good day. I found my spot in the Emergency Department and spend the day there helping the unit clerk put in orders, discharge patients, and occasionally help with work-flow issues (I was supposed to be there for computer issues only, but it was hard not to speak up about different processes and the way we do things on my floor.) I have never spent time in an ED, so that was really interesting! It isn't a "trauma center", but we did have three or four patients arrive by ambulance. A couple patients went to the ICU, a few to the floor. There were some pediatric patients, a patient who left AMA, and a patient who decided her desire to smoke was worse than her abdominal pain (it is an entirely smoke-free campus). It was definitely a different kind of day, but I enjoyed myself and the people in my area.
Mid-to-late day, I found out that today would NOT count as my "day off", so it seems there is a strong possibility I will be forced to stay home at least once before my vacation. The previous nurses were also misinformed which stinks, but it is what it is...and I'm glad that I had the opportunity before they "changed the rules". (By the "new rules", I would have been forced to stay home from work today using the last bit of my PTO with no option to get hours somewhere else.)
I felt completely out-of-the-loop today, though, because where they built the hospital does not have a nearby tower for my cell phone provider yet. So, my phone had zero service in the hospital. I didn't have access to my email, twitter, or text messages all day long. I worked from 6:40-7:45, so it was a LONG day! I did call my work a couple of times trying to get things figured out and also called to talk to my mom this afternoon, but that was about it.
It was a nice change of pace, although I DO miss "my people" from my floor (it feels like it has been a REALLY long time since I worked three shifts on my unit!) I offered to go back to this hospital tomorrow, but it all depends on how they decide to do things tonight/tomorrow. I may go work a few hours on Saturday there (with any "luck", that will be much appreciated overtime!) and if I get forced to stay home on Sunday, I may try and sneak in a few hours over there, even though that may not be "kosher".
Well, my short night (and the first day of working all week!) is catching up to me and I'm super sleepy. I think I pulled a muscle in my neck during my softball game, but it is starting to feel better, thank goodness, but resting should help that too. (I tried using a heavier bat to see if I could hit the ball farther...not so much when you can't get the bat all the way around...ha!)
Yesterday and today were "full", but not exactly "busy"...meaning, there is no reason that I didn't finish the "organizing" that I started.
I mentioned on Saturday that Kelly was having some twitter/blog issues. It got even uglier yesterday and ended with her shutting down her twitter account. I didn't get as many of the nasty emails as other people did, but my heart just hurt for her and her friends. It is so sad that people can be so cruel. I am, however, thankful that my twitter account doesn't have a link to my blog and it didn't seem like any of my "twitter friends" were targeted by this person.
Yesterday afternoon, I met with my Spiritual Director for nearly two hours. Our session is only supposed to be one hour, but I just kept talking and she let me go...she's awesome (she's technically still doing her practicum, but she is great!) We prayed for Kelly, among other things. I talked to her about my "financial situation" and how I am trusting that things will work out the way they are supposed to. We discussed the fact that I'm (slowly) reading Strong Women, Soft Hearts and how much that book is challenging me. She encouraged me to continue reading and spending time in prayer/reflection and journal my responses to the questions posed in the book/on the site. I will do that...eventually. I also mentioned that I really want to read "Plan B" by Pete Wilson and have been trying to win a copy since I probably shouldn't buy one at this time. We had SUCH a great conversation (well, me doing most of the talking!) I "mentioned" my upcoming date and also how SUPER excited I am about going to see Ginger and meet her family (and showed her this post on blog friends becoming real friends). Lots and lots of talking and thinking and discussing...exactly what I needed :)
My dad came over after that and blew all the "twirly birds" out of the gutters at my house...I love having my parents close by and especially love a dad who is willing to climb on the roof for me! My softball team played at 9:30 last night which is SO late that I was able to watch the entire episode of The Biggest Loser before I left for the game! We had to borrow a player from another team, but she was REALLY good, we played well, and we won 14-12 (we only scored about 6 runs in the previous two games combined!!)
Today was the "date". To be honest, I was so "wired" when I got home from my game last night, I didn't go to bed until 2:00 AM. I forced myself to get up and go to Curves so I wasn't sitting at home getting more and more nervous about my lunch date. Of course, my insecurity started big time last night when I was feeling terribly unattractive and not at all excited about wearing a skirt and trying to look cute while refraining from saying anything stupid. By the time I actually left for the date, I was happy with my hair and make-up and thought my outfit choice was a good one. Some happy thoughts/prayers via twitter definitely helped :)
I thought that I was at a disadvantage in this whole "blind date" thing because I was told he had seen me after Mass on Ash Wednesday. However, I found out right away that this was not the case, so that helped. Since I'm sure my three readers want to know, he didn't seem THAT tall and is thin but not "skinny". He has brown hair and grayish-blue eyes. His teeth are intact...and straight :) He has a boat and likes being out on the water. He hates the cold and really would like to live in Phoenix. He has one sister, but he "doesn't talk to her that much...about twice a week..." His parents are divorced and his dad is remarried. Sometimes he goes to Mass with his sister. He lives about a mile from me. He did have to leave for a little bit of time in the middle of lunch since his boss called, but that gave me time to collect my thoughts :) (And, in case for some reason I need to remember this later, he got the black and blue chicken salad and I had tilapia with garlic mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables...ha ha!) He told me where he wants to go to dinner "the next time". So, that sounds like I could POTENTIALLY lose my title of "the one date wonder"!
My sister colored my hair and I love it, as always :) It is so awesome that my sister can do hair and I always get compliments on it :) I had to get it done before my trip because I'm thinking I'd like to "let" Ginger take a photograph (or two or three...ha!) of me when I'm there visiting. (That's my "one request" besides going to a baseball game...oh, and white pizza and steak salad...can ya tell I'm excited about this?!)
I haven't posted a picture of my nephew in a while...that kid cracks me up! Any time he hears music he dances. He is taking lots of steps on his own, but isn't quite walking everywhere. His first tooth is almost through. I love him! :)
Two days from now, I am meeting "a boy" for lunch. I do not have a good track record with the whole "dating thing". In college, I dated a friend-turned-boyfriend for a few months which ended very ugly (he married a girl who was in my group of girl-friends...seriously). I "hung out" with another guy a number of times a few years back, but didn't realize we were "dating" until we stopped hanging out and I found out he was completely heartbroken when I stopped calling (um, yeah, not returning phone calls is not nice, that's what I did). Since then, I have gone on a few "first dates". It is a running joke with a friend and me that I am the "one date wonder"...
I searched through old posts to see if I have written about this in the past. I found one from "way back" in November 2007. To tell you the truth, I had to read that post quite a few times to remember what guy it was...since, there was no second date. The guy I wrote about in this post back in July was the same one I wrote about here in August...we did go on the "double date" but only met up for a "date" once and I don't think I heard from him again. I never ended up meeting up with "the floor guy" I mentioned in this post and this one (that post actually mentioned both of those guys) because he kinda creeped me out in a yahoo chat we had. Oh, me and my "non-dates"...memories of last fall and the emotional mess that I was...
Anyway, that's probably enough "links" for one post to get the idea that dating and me don't get along very well...or at least we haven't in the past. However, I'm trying not to "freak out" about this one which is why I have hardly mentioned it here (if I have even mentioned it at all!) I actually told a friend tonight and told my cousin last week, but haven't really said anything to anyone else with hopes of keeping my anxiety in check...
Here's what I know about this guy--his name, his age, that he works with someone from my church, and that "he only dates Catholic girls". Apparently, he was at my church on Ash Wednesday, so he has seen me (I was talking to someone else and didn't notice him...I'm obviously not very observant!) So, I think I'm at a little bit of a disadvantage because he knows what I look like and I have no clue...we may need to discuss this "problem" prior to me making a fool of myself at the restaurant looking for him! We are "doing lunch" because that will have an "end time" in case we need one. I am obviously off that day, but he will be coming during his lunch break. Since I don't exactly know what he does, I don't know how he will be dressed. The restaurant he picked is a little on the fancier side (when I looked it up, the description is "Elegance by the Water"), but I don't know if I should dress up or what... It's been pretty cool here, so I know I'd be super comfortable in jeans. I don't really want to wear a dress because that seems too fancy for lunch on my day off. The friend I talked to this evening said I should wear a skirt. I have only worn this skirt once and I wore it with a white shirt and white sandals (but I think I like the flip-flops). It was pretty comfortable and the shirt I have doesn't tuck in, so it hides my belly as best as it can (considering what it has to work with). I also have a khaki skirt that I could wear with a 3/4 length sleeved shirt and some black sandals...or, I could wear khaki capris...
I guess it's good that my "anxiety" right now is about what to wear and how to find him...I have done my share of the "what if" thinking that takes me 40 years down the road...yeah, I do that kind of stuff even though I try not to...and I am trying REALLY hard to just go and have fun and see what happens. Could this be the time my "one date wonder" streak gets broken?! Oh yeah, I'm not supposed to "go there"!
Anyway, that's the "big excitement" of my week...oh, besides the fact that I played softball for my dad's high school team tonight because only four girls showed up. He borrowed players from the other team and then I played...I don't think the girls on the other team realized that I was "super old"...it cracks me up that I'm 30 and look like I'm in high school! Tomorrow night, my team plays at 9:30...I don't like the late games =(
I made more progress on my cleaning and actually think I can walk into my "junk room" without tip-toeing! Tomorrow I need to do more of that and would also like to read more of the Bloom book since I'm still back on chapter two. I want to have more of it done before I meet with my spiritual director tomorrow afternoon.
This post was on the (In)Courage page today and I thought it was FABULOUS. She spoke words about "blog friends" that were SO true...and I am so excited that just a few days from now, I will be giving Ginger a real life hug rather than a virtual one! She wrote this: "Getting involved in the blogging world has truly changed my life – teaching me, stretching me, giving me opportunities. And introducing me to some of the most amazing people I never would have met otherwise." So true, so true...
I was going to write about the second chapter of the Bloom Book, but I re-read it and need to do a little more "digesting" before I put my thoughts into words. I know that I am a bit behind in my reading/discussing, but at this point I'm not planning on discussing it on the site, so "it's all good" :)
I won't say that I'm "over" yesterday, but there definitely were less tears today. I'm guessing there will be more to come as the effects of all these days off make their presence known in a bigger way. Anyway, today was a good day and I am thankful for that.
This morning, I sang at a program for a 99th birthday. The last time I saw this Sister was on this day and she (along with everyone else) was really sad. Sr. C. was in charge of music for many, many years and directed this choir of alums for over 25 years. This was my first time singing in a program with them and was happy to accept the invitation. We sang a Sound of Music Medley, The Rose (love that song), a medley of school "spirit songs", and a section of songs to honor Mary. As she sat in her wheelchair front and center, she directed us and it was SO cute. When the program was finished, she took the microphone and told us a story of when she got her first pair of black gloves as a child and that was her best birthday besides this (except for that was actually a Christmas present...it was sweet listening to her share this memory). I had to remind her who I was, which I didn't have to do back in January when I visited. However, she seemed to remember everyone else which is awesome for 99! (I didn't spend NEARLY as much time with her as they did, so it makes sense to me...plus there were a ton of people and I'm sure her brain was a little tired from all the excitement!) I got a nice picture with her as well as one with the whole group, so that made it extra special.
After that, I met up with my "friend from Curves" who no longer works there. She gets together with women from there once a month for lunch. I didn't get to go last month since I was out of town, so was glad to get to go this month. We had a nice time, although I ate a burger, fries, onion rings, and had an oreo shake, so I'm not doing THAT great in my attempts to eat better.
I ended up taking a pretty long nap after that because I felt super tired. I'm not sure what's up with that, but not getting a nap tomorrow could be a challenge...ha! I can't believe I am so excited to go back to work! It isn't just the money, though, I seriously miss the people. (I should have a super clean and organized house with the amount of time I have been home, but I don't...although I threw away a bunch of stuff this week!) I miss my boss, I miss the "multi-disciplinary team", I miss my patients/families, I even miss my co-workers. (I ought to find some way to "star" this post so I don't forget that!)
I'm thankful that today was a better day for me, but poor Kelly had a rough day with some unkind person creating fake twitter/email accounts and sending awful messages to her friends/followers. Some people have too much time on their hands! It did give me the opportunity to exchange a couple emails with her, but it would have been great to do that under different circumstances!
I went to Mass tonight since I work tomorrow and that was nice (I actually wore two different skirts today...shocking!)
Well, I suppose I should go to bed since I WILL actually need to get up early...and best not be complaining about the 5:30 alarm! :) Good night.
and trying not to cry. I will admit that I'm not doing that great with this today. I've been crying more than worrying, and am considering that to be a positive :)
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6: 25, 34
I posted this as my fb status today...and thought it would be good to remind myself here as well. As I mentioned in this post (just a week ago yesterday) and also in this post two months ago, my floor has been over-staffed with a small number of patients which is not a very good combination. I was "forced" to stay home last Thursday, and again today. While I have enough PTO to cover both of those shifts (I think anyway), I believe I only will have one more paid day off, maybe two, in the next six-to-eight weeks. I took three days off for my vacation and my cousin's wedding. I will have eight hours of holiday pay in there which will definitely help. This is where the "not worrying" comes into play--I haven't had a "short" pay check yet, and am not sure what that will look like. Aside from my one credit card with a balance, all of my other bills have been paid to this point. I KNOW that things will work out, they always do, but I can't hide the fact that I am sad.
I'm not upset about less lattes and no designer clothes/shoes/bags. I'm not missing out on movies, trips to the mall, or dinners at fancy restaurants. None of those things have really been at the top of my "spending list" these days anyway.
What brings tears to my eyes is the fact that I have had a "tab" open in my browser for over a week that is accepting donations for Nashville flood relief. At least once a day I have looked at that tab wondering if I should just close it and try to forget it was there or if today is the day I should put in my credit card number...and then do I give what I would have given weeks ago without a second thought or an amount that doesn't come close to what is in my heart because I don't know if I will need that money myself in a couple of weeks?? I don't like having to tell my hands maybe they shouldn't pick up that cute outfit for my nephew, or grab that item for my "gift tub" (even though I have two tubs full of "gifts"), or add to my stash of clothing items/necessities for a potential foster child, or buy something that would be "perfect" for a friend or family member. I have a pledge card for my high school alma mater and envelopes for church sitting on my table because my heart and my head aren't in sync (apparently, I should have added "budget" to my vocabulary a while back...) I like sending gift cards and packages and buying special/personal gifts...and now I feel like I have to think twice before I do anything like that and I dislike that very much.
I'm obviously extra emotional today which doesn't help...and things likely aren't as bad as they seem :) As I wrote in an email this morning, "I'm trying to focus on the fact that I've been a "pay it forward" kind of person and trust that He has a plan, and a reason for this season of tough times." Hey, I brought over 50 magazines and 5 old books to sell to a book store and got $3 for them. I went to the horse races with my dad and won enough times in the 3 1/2 hours that I got my $3 back (besides dinner and my parents covered the rest of my dinner that was relatively inexpensive since I had soup, salad, and a water!) So, that's a positive...and a great way to end this emotional day.
Tomorrow is another day and I'm looking forward to having a good one. Good night.
I've talked a few times about the Bloom Book Club and the fact that the third book chosen is Strong Women, Soft Hearts. (While I have a copy, I did not read Crazy Love, but LOVED Same Kind of Different as Me.) I read the first three chapters amidst much distraction while I was at the mall in Nashville. I definitely need to re-read them because it is pretty heavy reading. A couple of nights ago, I read the discussion/reflection questions at the back of the book for chapter one and just cried. I think I am going to have a love-hate relationship with this book. The three sections are "The Journey of the Heart", "Windows into the Heart", and "The Wise Heart", so basically it is written to make you dig deep into your heart and soul...and that is pretty tough. I don't know if I'm going to discuss this book in the "community" because that may be a stretch for my heart ;) Right now, this is a pretty quiet and safe place and I want to keep it like that ESPECIALLY with the things this book is asking you to think about!
The first chapter is called "Awakening: God Calls Our Hearts". Gitzengirl (Sara) wrote a post about this chapter that was really good, but also kind of made my brain hurt trying to come up with answers to the questions she posed. (On a side note, this post was also thought-provoking and kinda made my heat hurt too!)
Here are the links to Angie and Jessica's video, followed by the discussion questions:
1. How do you approach relationships? Do you choose to not have relationship or dive in 110%? 2. How does your personality impact your relationship with others? 3. What is a dream you had at one time in your life that didn't play out as you hoped? How has God still used that dream? 4. Have you ever built a monument to woundedness in your life? How has this impacted you?
Yeah, definitely not your average coffee shop/lunch discussion! This is really tough and I kind of want to just end this post now without writing anything about myself and my thoughts...ha!
The chapter starts with this quote: "In the end, it doesn't matter how well we have performed or what we have accomplished--a life without heart is not worth living. For out of this wellspring of our soul flow all true caring and all meaningful work, all real worship and all sacrifice." ~Brent Curtis and John Eldredge A sentence I like that Jessica and Angie didn't mention was in reference to the journey of the characters in The Wizard of Oz and why that story resonates with people of all ages and has for over a hundred years: "Somehow we sense that becoming who we really are means that we also must discover our mind and heart and courage, or something crucial will be missing."
1. How do you approach relationships? Do you choose to not have relationship or dive in 110%? I definitely don't think I'm in the "choose to not have relationship" category...except, I suppose, when it comes to the "dating" category. In many cases, I'm a dive in 110% get to know as many people as possible, spill the beans kind of person. However, I do know (and that knowledge was verified in my Dale Carnegie class) that I have a lot easier time having relationships with people who are not my work peers. With that being said, I had lunch today with one woman who became my friend because I sent her a card thanking her for a story she did about our patients. I had no idea that one kind note would be the beginning of a wonderful friendship. The other woman I met because she came to a meeting I attended and I recognized her as a (former) local news reporter. I was "star struck" and pretty much spewed off her news bio to her during our first meeting...yeah, embarrassing, but we can laugh about it and it didn't stop us from becoming good friends. So, I'd have to consider myself the latter...even when it is relationship with families whose children may not go home with them.
2. How does your personality impact your relationship with others? I think I sort of answered this in the first question. I LOVE people. I love talking to people, I love encouraging people, I love spending time with people, I love learning about other people's lives. I care a lot about other people and it shows. People are usually comfortable talking to me, and I've had a number of people share things with me that they haven't shared with (m)any others. However, this "friends with everyone" has been a struggle for me "my whole life", even now. It's definitely better now that I am older and being invited to birthday parties and slumber parties and to the movies and the mall doesn't define "friendship". Still, though, since I went away to college, lived away from home for a year, and have made friends through blogging and with families not from here, sometimes I am "alone" even though I have TONS of friends. I think I need to make more time for the friends who are not on the other side of the computer because as much fun as the people here are, and as much as I enjoy my "alone time", actually being with other people and having face to face conversations is a good thing :)
3. What is a dream you had at one time in your life that didn't play out as you hoped? How has God still used that dream? I guess this one is easier than I thought. I've dreamed of taking care of children my whole life (since my "baby" sister was born when I was 23 months old!) I started baby-sitting other people's children for money when I was eleven. I worked at a day care for children with special needs in high school and college. In college, I also did some work with MOPS kids and in a NICU (and baby-sat). I've been a pediatric nurse for eight years now, taking care of some of the sickest children in the country. I have my foster parent license and some day hope to have a child placed in my home. I help take care of my nephew when I visit him. I definitely thought I would be taking care of my own children by the time I was thirty, but there is still plenty of time for that. And, I guess my "dream" wasn't necessarily to take care of my OWN children, so even if God's plan takes me to a place where I never mother a child I carried inside of me, my dream will have been reached because I have cared for more children than I ever could have imagined when I was dreaming about my life. Not only that, but I have been given to opportunity to help carry them through the toughest times of their lives...and some through to Heaven. On page 11-12 of this book, it says, "That is what each of us needs to be able to say--I am doing what I was born for. And that requires a trip inside, into the world of the heart..." I feel blessed to say that right now I DO feel like I am doing what I was born for...and that does feel fabulous :)
4. Have you ever built a monument to woundedness in your life? How has this impacted you? I think this post is long enough...and has definitely taken me long enough to write! I don't think I am quite ready to answer this question in this capacity (even though like two people will read it...ha!) I'll try and remember to come back and answer it (Jessica didn't answer this one in the video either...can that be my excuse?!) ____________
I stayed up much later than I should have considering I have a busy day tomorrow, but I'm glad to have finally written about this book. They have posted the video for Chapter 2, but I think I want to re-read the chapter before I watch the video.
We still have a really low census at work which is good for the kids, but not so good for the pay check. I was "fortunate" to be able to work both yesterday and today (I really should have remembered that today when I was running around like crazy and getting super annoyed by little things!) I actually don't go back to work until Friday, but have a busy week ahead of me!
Some things happened the past two days at work that really upset me. I'm not sure if my feelings are warranted or not, but they are bothering me, so I am going to go ahead and journal about them (one good reason I have this "anonymous" blog because even though I'm about to be VERY general, it would be blatantly obvious who I was talking about if you worked on my floor!)
Okay, so one of our chronically ill children from out-of-state is about to turn one. No one knew that her mom was pregnant, even though this child gets frequent check ups. However, she gave birth to a baby last week...wow! (I saw her a couple weeks ago and thought she looked pregnant, but no one else did which is a little crazy to me, but the truth.) Anyway, the "rumor" on the floor was that the mom was considering giving up the baby for adoption. As far as we know, there wasn't much/any in terms of pre-natal care and she likely hid the pregnancy out of embarrassment (you know, two kids in a year, young, maybe not married...) It is very unfortunate that she didn't feel comfortable enough with the team here to get help, but this mom is SUPER nice, but also REALLY quiet/shy. I remember there being a really nice (quiet/shy) dad, but maybe things have changed in that relationship. Anyway, for me, this sounded like a really brave choice. Even though she is a GREAT mom and likely COULD raise two small babies (one of which with a chronic illness), she obviously was thinking that this baby could have other opportunities if raised in a different environment. The people I work with, however, were overwhelmingly against the idea of her giving this baby up for adoption. They seemed to think she would regret it later, and basically that it was not the right choice. I just couldn't believe how opposed everyone was to the idea of adoption, even though having two babies living far from home is quite the financial (and emotional) undertaking especially as a young mom. Sure, if she decides to raise these two kids, more power to her and I pray that she gets the support she needs. However, MY take is that adoption is not an option that should be ruled out so quickly. Why is it wrong to want more for your child than you think you are able to give? I think adoption is a courageous choice, and it saddens me a bit that people likely will try and talk this mom out of that decision. Of course, I pray for whatever is best for that mom and both of those babies, but I just couldn't believe how many of my co-workers had such a negative view of adoption.
Also, yesterday I heard about three really great colleagues (a coordinator, a social worker, and a pharmacist) who will be leaving for different jobs shortly...you know, change is tough for me and these people will really be missed. Today, the nurses in my area spent a bit of time looking for new jobs, talking about different jobs, sharing names of other nurses who also were looking for jobs. I know a lot of people are upset about having cut hours, myself included, but my job is so much more than that and I believe it would take a LOT for me to give up something that is so much a PART of me. I guess that's the difference between me and some of my co-workers. I don't even really like to listen to people say bad things about our job...and even told them that I had to leave while they looked for other jobs (it made me really uncomfortable for some reason).
I know I was off almost all of last week, but after working the past two days, I am looking forward to some time away from the people there (I guess my "Dale Carnegie" training got me to spend time talking to my co-workers and attempting to engage in conversation with "them", but I'm not so sure I like it...or how long I will continue to do that because it just upsets me!)
Well, I decided to make another recipe from my D. D. cook book. I REALLY wanted to order a pizza, but I'm trying to watch my spending AND my diet, so managed to resist that temptation tonight. I did have some candy earlier and ALSO ate some buttery biscuits for dinner, but this was my "main" dinner. I love breakfast food, so decided to try this recipe. I liked it pretty well, but have no idea how she gets her children to eat it, because it totally tasted like "grown-up food" to me.
Baked Egg Puffs Nonstick cooking spray 2 large eggs 4 large egg whites 1/2 cup yellow squash or butternut squash puree 2 tablespoons shredded reduced-fat Cheddar cheese 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Coat 4 ramekins or coffee cups with cooking spray and set on a baking sheet. (I should have used coffee cups since I don't have "ramekins", but actually just used pyrex...ha!) 2. In a large bowl, whisk the eggs, egg whites, squash puree, cheese, flour, baking powder, and salt until combined. Divide the mixture among the ramekins or cups and bake until the tops are puffed up and the eggs are no longer runny in the center when pierced with the tip of a knife, 13-15 minutes. Serve immediately.
Tomorrow, I get to go to my alma mater and welcome the seniors into the alumnae association. I LOVE that I get to do that (almost as much as I love talking to the sophomores about being a nurse). I also have a softball game if it stops raining. My shin is still sore from where the ball hit it last week. The ice helped, so I didn't have quite as impressive of a bruise to photograph...but it is still "pretty".
Time for bed (after watching last weeks Law and Order SVU on DVR!) Good night.
I've worked ONE day this week (yesterday) and spent pretty much the entire day sitting because I couldn't get up to do anything. I even took a nap this afternoon because I thought I would fall asleep during Mass if I didn't! That is so awful!
This morning, I had choir practice since next Saturday a group of alums is singing for their former choir director who is turning 99. This was my first time rehearsing with this choir and it was different...I probably should have rehearsed a little before I went since I only knew a couple of the songs! Oh well, it worked out (besides going about 40 minutes over the scheduled time and I didn't eat before I went!)
One of the deacons came the homily at Mass today and he did a good job (my mind wandered a few times, but that's par for the course since I have issues focusing when there is so much inside my head!) I wrote down a couple of the things he said: "the promise of 'peace' is not for the absence of turmoil"..."true peace comes from within"..."we don't know what the future holds, but we know who holds the future"... It was nice, and I got to see some people I know (which obviously happens when you've been going to the same church for over 25 years...ha!)
I ordered my mom and sister some pictures and bought some frames from Kohl's. I also made my sister a photo book, but didn't do that until a couple of days ago, so it hasn't arrived yet.
I am still doing "ok" with my healthier eating. I just finished a soy chocolate milk/frozen strawberry smoothie with a little bit of flax seed for dinner (I may have some chips and salsa for a snack later, but for now I'm full!) Earlier today, I made another recipe from my Deceptively Delicious cookbook. This is what I posted on facebook about it: ________ So...I've been trying to eat healthy this week (besides that whole trip to the Mexican restaurant, eating LOTS of pepperoni as a snack, and candy from the boss' office multiple times yesterday...) and decided to try the other macaroni and cheese recipe from my Deceptively Delicious cook book. I LOVE pasta and cheese, so this worked for me...even though it didn't "really" work. I didn't follow the recipe exactly which MAY have been my problem because the cheese didn't exactly stick to the noodles (weird!) I also used "full fat" cheeses because that's what I had. Therefore, this probably wasn't that healthy, but cheese is yummy...ha! :) I only used one pan because dirtying two pans seems silly, I still don't have paprika, and used the butternut squash puree I made earlier this week.
Macaroni and Cheese 1 1/2 cups elbow macaroni Nonstick cooking spray 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour 1/2 cup nonfat (skim) milk 1/2 cup butternut squash or cauliflower puree 1 1/2 cups shredded reduced-fat Cheddar cheese (about 8 ounces) 4 ounces (almost 1/4 cup) reduced-fat or nonfat cream cheese 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon paprika 1/8 teaspoon pepper
1. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, add the macaroni, and cook according to package directions until aldente. Drain in a colander. 2. While the macaroni is cooking, coat a large saucepan with cooking spray and heat over medium heat. Add the oil, the the flour, and cook, stirring constantly, until the mixture resembles a thick paste but has not browned, 1-2 minutes. 3. Add the milk and cook, stirring every now and then, until the mixture begins to thicken, 3-4 minutes. Add the vegetable puree, Cheddar cheese, cream cheese, and seasonings, and sir until the cheese is melted and the sauce is smooth. Stir in the macaroni and serve warm. _________________ If you try this, let me know how YOURS turns out :) __________
Well, I'm not sure if I'm going to participate in the "Bloom" book discussions, but tomorrow should be the first video from Jessica and Angie (that I may or may not have time to watch tomorrow). However, I want to re-read the first three chapters before I continue on because I read them in the mall (in Nashville) and was more than a little distracted. So, I'd better stop typing, stop watching TV, and get to reading :)
Happy Mother's Day to my mom, my sister, and all moms :) At Mass, they did a blessing of moms, but before they did that, we prayed for those who have lost children, and those who have lost moms which was really nice.
Even though I'm tired and have a headache, I wanted to post because I was a little "whiny" in yesterday's post. In looking at the schedule today at work, I foresee more days off without pay, but am trusting that things will work out the way they are "supposed" to. I will likely have to make some lifestyle changes (at least temporarily), but at least I have a job, a house, a car, my family...
I'm glad I came up with this "Flashback Friday" idea last night because it (maybe) will help me keep it short. The other day when I was "cleaning" my bedroom, I found a memory card for my camera. I had no idea what was on it until I went to upload pictures tonight. I decided to choose photos #10, 22, and 79 for my birth date. I was definitely hoping none of those would be terribly unflattering pictures of me that didn't get deleted! The card contained one picture from 2007 and the rest from the first six months of 2008. So, here goes:
Photo #10 is a picture of me at the beach in California February 2008. We were at Laguna Beach where I first met my girl friend when we were ten. We have remained friends since then :)
Photo #22 is a not-so-flattering-but-not-too-terrible picture of me from my cousin's birthday in March 2008. (And, apparently the first time I wrote about this, I didn't think it was THAT bad of a picture since I went ahead and posted it!)
Photo #79 is from May 2008. It is of "the baby" right after they removed him from dialysis for the first time post-transplant. I can't believe how little he is (and how sick he still looks in this picture even though he looks a TON better than he did!) because he is just five months away from being a THREE year old!
Tonight, I admitted a baby for transplant. My heart just broke for these parents who actually had never set foot on my floor before today (to my knowledge). There is lots of hustle and bustle during that pre-transplant phase with labs and tests and IVs without even taking into the account the emotional toll that "call" has to take (and all questions they have to answer for our paperwork!) Thankfully, we were able to get the things we needed to do TO the child done quickly so they were able to spend some time with the baby before the organs got there. We explained that this was part of the reason we did everything all at once (even though the poor baby OBVIOUSLY didn't like all the poking and prodding!), so I think they understood. I can't wait to see that baby in a few days after the "new parts" are working :)
Time for bed...I stayed up WAY too late to work a 12-hour shift! Good night.
Edited to add--this was the "quote of the day": "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." ~Mohandas Gandhi I used "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today" as the beginning quote to my college applications, but have never heard this version. I like it :)
I've been contemplating using the blog title "The Other Shoe" for a while now and write about my "wondering" on if I'm going to experience the other shoe dropping since my life thus far has been relatively "smooth sailing". I actually linked to a blog post today with reference to this song which contains the lyrics "I guess we're all one phone call from our knees..." (meaning one phone call can change your life). I'm not quite at the point where I want to "go there", but I won't say that today was easy.
My floor has been over-staffed for a while, but hopefully that will change with summer vacations and maternity leave. We also have been having lots of "low-census" days. It is so hard to say that I want kids to be in the hospital, but the reality is that if there aren't kids to take care of, I don't have a job. The combination of over-staffing and low-census has meant that nurses are getting forced to stay home. It rotates through by date and people can volunteer to stay home if they want, but it is getting to the point that NO ONE is volunteering. I was forced to stay home today for at least the third time this year. With my unexpected sick day before my trip to Nashville, I'm nearly out of PTO. Our "time off bank" is for sick days, vacation days, and call-off days. Since I work 12-hour shifts, it gets wiped out pretty quickly. Even before having to use 12-hours of PTO today, I thought it was going to be pretty close hours-wise in getting my next vacation paid. After today, I'm fairly certain that at least a portion of my vacation (a combination of my trip to see Ginger and an out-of-town family wedding) will be unpaid. And, there is no guarantee that I won't be forced to stay at home again during the time between now and then...
I never imagined that I would have trouble getting hours when I became a nurse eight years ago. I do know that I am VERY fortunate to have a job in this economy, but I never really thought it would affect me in the health care industry. Now, I'm not writing this because I want sympathy (or money...ha!) but because it has put me in a tough place. Had I not had my credit card account shut down temporarily (and currently) while they figure out some fraudulent charges, my money would already be helping the people in Nashville (here's one place accepting donations). I love using my money to do things for other people--whether it be gift cards, care packages, donations for my floor, gifts for my patients, presents for my nephew, or something else, I just LOVE brightening someone else's day. While I know that there are gifts money can't buy, money DOES buy some pretty nice gifts :) I've been so sad looking at all the pictures of the flooding and wanting SO badly to DO something. Typically, I wouldn't have thought twice, but it is going to take some extra prayers to decide what I am "supposed" to do (it's highly likely I'll end up sending some amount of money, but I'm going to have to do some more thinking and praying).
Because I unexpectedly got the day off work, I was able to spend the day at the zoo with my sister and nephew. Now, that did make me forget about my "money situation" for a while and we had a great time. I also was able to go to dinner with my parents and my sister's family (they were going to bring me food, but it was great to actually be there!) Actually, all of the times that I have been "forced" to stay home from work, it has provided an opportunity for me to do something else that I wanted/needed to do...so, I really shouldn't complain THAT much!
Another tough situation I had today was in regards to my foster parents status. I don't think I mentioned that I got a call while I was on vacation. I didn't get it until I got home, but I would have had my "choice" of three little ones (under age 5) that they were willing to split. When I called the case worker back, I mentioned that I would be out-of-town over Memorial Day weekend. She suggested that I wait to take a child until after that because it would be hard to get respite care over the holiday (unless, of course, it was a situation where the child wouldn't be in my care for that long). However, a different case worker called me with another thirteen-year-old girl. She gave me some information and it sounded like it "potentially" could work...except for the fact that her school is way across town, I work 12-hour shifts, 13-year-olds can't go to day care, and I'm going out-of-town at the end of the month. So, I politely declined. She called me back a few hours later to let me know that they still hadn't found placement but that it sounded like they were willing to help with transportation. I still wasn't sure because leaving a 13-year-old foster girl at home alone for hours at a time didn't sound like a great idea (especially starting TOMORROW). I made another phone call to the caseworker who had more information about the girl. She mentioned that the girl's school had an early dismissal tomorrow and that pretty much was the FINAL deciding factor (I think I would have had to say "no" anyway). That was a tough one, though...I'm not sure middle/junior high school age is where I should start, but I'm keeping an open mind and trust that the timing will work out when it is supposed to with the right child.
Well, that was a much longer post than I anticipated, but I feel better getting it all out. I'm so used to writing a check without even giving it a second thought, and not being able to do that has been really tough. However, I know that tomorrow is another day and whatever I'm supposed to do will be clear in due time.
Oh, I almost forgot--today was Nurses' Day. My hospital celebrates all week, but since I've been gone all week, I missed out on the celebrating (I did drop off my olives and guacamole this morning). Each unit gets to nominate an "Extraordinary Nurse" every year. For two years I was the chairperson of our unit council and went to meetings three times a month. I kept thinking that one of these years, I would get nominated. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed that this year's "Extraordinary Nurse" was not me (although the nurses who WAS nominated is great!). I think that my "window" has passed and I will just have to get my "award" on a smaller scale on an individual patient basis and in my own heart :)
Okay, seriously need to go to bed...you know, since I WILL have to get up and work a 12-hour shift tomorrow :) Good night.
