Not Home

I feel like I am never home. Now, during those times that I am "bored out of my mind" (because organizing and cleaning are not ever really on my "radar") sitting at home doing nothing, I "long" for these kinds of days where I go go go until I fall asleep. I actually HAVE been home for the past two hours, but that is pretty much the longest stretch of time I have been at home all day. I understand that this is a CHOICE. When it comes down to it, that choice was MINE and mine alone. No one MADE me stay up until 3:30 in the morning. No one said I should meet my mom at the store, then proceed to continue shopping for hours (hmm, I must have been home earlier in the day and forgot because there is time between the shopping and my next "going"), then go see my best high school friend and her family (her son turned 3 yesterday and her birthday is tomorrow) and stay there until 10 and then come home and watch TV, check emails and blogs, and then blog myself and it is now after midnight.

I believe it is choices like these that are partly to "blame" for that day exactly two weeks ago when I was sitting here with tears streaming down my face writing this post. Two weeks ago today, and, while I am feeling "better", I am thankful that I caught myself before I set myself up for a similar scenario--go go go on my days off with little sleep, then work three days in a row (with little sleep in between), go go go for a day, then back to work, and then off to Canada for five days. I can "wrap this up" quickly, get some good rest, and spend some time at home tomorrow (or relaxing at a coffee shop doing a work report that is due on Friday that I haven't started) and try and stop a similar cycle before it begins.

I did review that post this afternoon and was surprised at how coherent it is considering my state of mind. The words I wrote about "the secret" broke the heart of a dear friend (but hopefully I was able to clarify the feelings behind them today). There are still a number of questions that still remain unanswered. On the mend, for sure, but only if I choose to make the decision to "take care of myself" the way I need to.

I skipped "family dinner". I needed to do that.

I am working on the "personal connections" I wrote about in this post. I had a "phone date" with a friend (and plans for another one with a different friend...hopefully before I leave the country and my cell phone service!). I went and visited my high school friend "in person" (and also talked to her "on the phone") today. Yesterday, I had lunch with a friend and also visited with a former teacher. (Of course I went on my "non-date" but I don't think I can really count that!) Just having a plan, and making progress has helped (even though I feel a bit "needy" for asking for "phone time", I honestly think I NEED that!)
___________
On the "non-dating" front...I still need to call "J" and be honest about my "dating issues" but let him know I'd like to "hang out" again. I got an email response from "A" (the floor installer) who actually wants to do "drinks and pool" some time. Hmm, could they BE any different?! I suppose that's what dating (or, non-dating in my case) is all about!

Good night.