Trust

This week has been tough. I have felt kind of "blah" with intermittent headaches, stomachaches, cramps, sore muscles/joints, fatigue. Not really sick, just not quite right. It's been cool and rainy and then today it snowed, and warmed enough to melt most of the snow. Plus, I've been extra emotional (yay hormones...Aunt Flo is making me pay for questioning her visit schedule...sorry for the TMI, but it has NOT been fun!) and also probably not drinking enough water. I just knew there had to be a reason those kids didn't come to stay with me last week...and now I know that the timing was not right.

Our census at the hospital has been really low, and we only have one person on maternity leave (but quite a few pregnant ones!) So, pretty much every day we have been over-staffed by at least one, if not two or three, nurses. My PTO accrues a little over one shift a month. The PTO is to be used for sick time, vacation time, and days you get called off due to extra staff. So, I try to say "no" when asked to stay home on slow/overstaffed days unless there is something I'd like to do and I'm scheduled to work (that isn't important enough to find someone to switch, but having the day off to do it would be "bonus"). However, since everyone is "in the same boat", if no one wants to take the day off, then someone gets forced to stay home (it's on a rotating basis by date of previous call-off day). I was "forced" to stay home on February 22, which ended up being okay since I was able to attend the visitation of an elementary school classmate. My date was getting to be the furthest back, so I knew my time was getting close.

I found out that my former teacher's rosary and visitation would be on Friday afternoon, with the funeral on Saturday morning. I was scheduled to work both today and tomorrow (Friday) and to help with a fundraiser at my high school on Saturday morning. So, I thought that my "best case scenario" was to work today, get called off tomorrow, and help with the fundraiser on Saturday as planned...

Last night, I was not very confident that was going to happen, but I said my prayers. I was SO tempted to tell Him exactly the way I thought things should work out, you know, my "best case scenario" sounded just PERFECT to me! However, since I am trying to make an extra effort to trust Him and His plans, I chose my words carefully. I told Him that it felt like it was important to attend her services on Friday, but I would (try really hard to) trust Him to decide if He agreed. I put in my "request" to Him to have someone else to take today off so I could get tomorrow off, but prayed for help in accepting whatever happened. It was REALLY hard to trust that He truly did know what was best (and already knew what the outcome would be), but I went to sleep (pretty much) at peace knowing that what was to be would be and I was going to be OKAY with whatever that was (promise!)

My phone rang at 5:00 this morning telling me that I was forced to stay home. I did put up a little fuss/whine with the charge nurse asking if she had "mentioned" to the other nurses that I wanted tomorrow off instead so I could go to a funeral...she hadn't, so I went back to sleep. I had some really bad work nightmares between that time and 8:30 when my mom stopped by on her way to work, so maybe it was good I DIDN'T go to work! It was then that I realized how crappy I felt, and I was really thankful that I wasn't trying to take care of sick people feeling like that. While my headache was still there when I rolled out of bed at 11:00, I decided it was time to move from the bed to the couch (after making a pot of coffee and some orange rolls!) Being able to sleep until I felt a little better was SO nice!

I received a phone call from my caseworker. Apparently, the respite care that was set up for next week will not work. I thought they would be back in town early Saturday afternoon, but they will not be back until the evening. I have plans to attend a fundraiser at my church which I have been very excited about (plus, the dinner cost more than what I would make doing respite care...not that it's about the money but it kind of is!) I was looking forward to having the experience of watching a baby overnight to see how that goes. But, I am trusting that He has a plan for this too. She also asked me about my willingness to take an older child. I said, like any child, it would depend on the situation and the timing, but I definitely wouldn't rule it out. She said that my name is "at the top of their list" and they are all trying hard to find a placement that will work for me (exciting, but also VERY scary!) In some ways, I think an older child would be easier, but in other ways, it would be harder...either way, it is going to be a learning experience, but also a great opportunity to make a huge difference in the life of a child.

Since EVERYONE has had to deal with the issue of a low census at work, I was hoping I would be able to find someone who wanted some extra hours that would be willing to work the second part of my shift tomorrow. With my second call, I found someone who already has to be at the hospital until 1:00 tomorrow, so she said she would come after that and work the rest of my shift for me! I was going to have a REALLY hard time calling in sick because I'm not sure that's what Sister would have wanted me to do. That also means that I will be able to help with the fund raising on Saturday (I KNOW she would have rather me help with that than attend her funeral, especially since I can do to the rosary/visitation!) Perfect!

My headache went away long enough to do a few things around the house (like clean the kitchen floors and vacuum the living room) which I had been putting off for way too long!

Then, since I was off, I was able to attend a special Mass recognizing altar servers. The choir was asked to sing, so I went. It was really nice. I think they said there were over 150 young people from around the city who were recognized for their service. We sang songs about service and answering God's call which really is perfect for where I am in my life right now.

This day did not turn out the way I had planned. This was not MY "best case scenario", but feeling like crap at work, missing the call from the caseworker, not being able to attend a special Mass...I definitely wouldn't have been happy with that! I suppose I wouldn't necessarily have known how different the day would have been and adjusted my attitude accordingly, but still, today was WAY better than I pictured! Believe me, I'm feeling rather "spoiled" that His plan was WAY better than what I could have imagined. However, I also think that just trusting that He knows what is right made a tremendous impact in my response to the situation.

So, tomorrow is another day...and I am sure there will continue to be times I have to remind myself to trust Him, because He's "pretty darn good" at knowing what is best for me :o)

Good night.