"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6: 25, 34
I posted this as my fb status today...and thought it would be good to remind myself here as well. As I mentioned in this post (just a week ago yesterday) and also in this post two months ago, my floor has been over-staffed with a small number of patients which is not a very good combination. I was "forced" to stay home last Thursday, and again today. While I have enough PTO to cover both of those shifts (I think anyway), I believe I only will have one more paid day off, maybe two, in the next six-to-eight weeks. I took three days off for my vacation and my cousin's wedding. I will have eight hours of holiday pay in there which will definitely help. This is where the "not worrying" comes into play--I haven't had a "short" pay check yet, and am not sure what that will look like. Aside from my one credit card with a balance, all of my other bills have been paid to this point. I KNOW that things will work out, they always do, but I can't hide the fact that I am sad.
I'm not upset about less lattes and no designer clothes/shoes/bags. I'm not missing out on movies, trips to the mall, or dinners at fancy restaurants. None of those things have really been at the top of my "spending list" these days anyway.
What brings tears to my eyes is the fact that I have had a "tab" open in my browser for over a week that is accepting donations for Nashville flood relief. At least once a day I have looked at that tab wondering if I should just close it and try to forget it was there or if today is the day I should put in my credit card number...and then do I give what I would have given weeks ago without a second thought or an amount that doesn't come close to what is in my heart because I don't know if I will need that money myself in a couple of weeks?? I don't like having to tell my hands maybe they shouldn't pick up that cute outfit for my nephew, or grab that item for my "gift tub" (even though I have two tubs full of "gifts"), or add to my stash of clothing items/necessities for a potential foster child, or buy something that would be "perfect" for a friend or family member. I have a pledge card for my high school alma mater and envelopes for church sitting on my table because my heart and my head aren't in sync (apparently, I should have added "budget" to my vocabulary a while back...) I like sending gift cards and packages and buying special/personal gifts...and now I feel like I have to think twice before I do anything like that and I dislike that very much.
I'm obviously extra emotional today which doesn't help...and things likely aren't as bad as they seem :) As I wrote in an email this morning, "I'm trying to focus on the fact that I've been a "pay it forward" kind of person and trust that He has a plan, and a reason for this season of tough times." Hey, I brought over 50 magazines and 5 old books to sell to a book store and got $3 for them. I went to the horse races with my dad and won enough times in the 3 1/2 hours that I got my $3 back (besides dinner and my parents covered the rest of my dinner that was relatively inexpensive since I had soup, salad, and a water!) So, that's a positive...and a great way to end this emotional day.
Tomorrow is another day and I'm looking forward to having a good one.
Good night.
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