Second Meeting

The floor installers got here around 8:30 this morning so they were already working when I had to leave for my second meeting with the counselor. Yesterday morning when they arrived, I was wearing the same painting pants and painting shirt I had worn EVERY time I had painted (I'm sure I smelled lovely because HOW many days did I paint?! Five? Six?) I bought the sweatpants when I lived in Rhode Island...looking pretty "hot" in my glasses, sweats, t-shirt, and pony tail for sure (remember this little detail...ha!) Today I still wore my glasses, but actually had put on jeans and a black shirt so I was appeared a bit more "put together" (probably good to at least appear like that even when you are going to a Counseling Center).

My meeting was at 10:00, but I left at 9:30 so I could grab a coffee on the way (yeah, definitely need to work on my budget considering I have a couple vacations coming up!) Even though I have been SO busy this past week, I was able to do some thinking and we had a good conversation. In our first meeting, she saw a very sad person who appeared to have some pretty low self-esteem. As I reflected on that, and talked to my friend at my dad's party on Sunday, I let her know that I don't think that is the case. Sure, I was feeling pretty shitty last week and I do think that at TIMES I am lacking in that department, overall I do understand that I'm a pretty awesome person (kidding...well, sort of!) I KNOW that I am good to my family. I KNOW that I am a good friend. I KNOW that I am REALLY good at my job. I KNOW that I am really good at being able to live independently and take care of myself and my needs.

I talked to her about my thoughts on the book...how I thought that I had a good concept of boundaries with being able to give others space and opportunity to do for themselves when they want/need that and that I DO do the things that are important to me and do not feel myself letting taking care of others get in the way of my happiness. In fact, being able to help/take care of others brings much joy to my life.

So, in response to one of her questions (she asked me my "greatest fear"...I will leave it at that since this is only a semi-private blog...) our conversation turned to my "singleness". (I bought a book called "How to be Single" that I think I will bring with me to Montreal because it seems like it could be helpful!) We talked about how I am actually happy right now, but it is hard when that doesn't seem like it could possibly be the truth to people I know and meet. Really, truly, this is where I am, this is where I am supposed to be, and I believe I am doing what God wants me to do...and, being single has it's share of perks...one big one for me is that I'm really happy being "Just Me"...for now anyway. We discussed some ways to deal with the questions, and also some suggestions on dealing with the big bad "D" word that I am not to use because it freaks me out (ha ha...that would be "dating"!) She also suggested I try talking to the guy whose heart I ended up breaking without even knowing what I was doing because that seems like it could be one of my "barriers" to moving on/trying again...not sure if I will, but it definitely seems like a good idea.

More than once she said to me "You crack me up." Now, I've had those words typed to me a number of times (Ginger?!), but am not sure anyone has ever spoken them to me. She mentioned something about having a good personality which was nice to hear :o) My dad colored his hair red and is dressing like a leprechaun for our church festival on Sunday and you know what they say about the apple and the tree...

Even though the guys were here installing my floor (did I mention that it was a guy probably in his early 40s and a guy maybe in his mid 20s?), I decided to maybe stop by the garage sale where my mom was, but called her first. Originally, I had suggested my sister have a garage sale at HER house today, but I'm glad that fell through! She was just leaving, but told me that she was JUST talking to her friend's daughter about me. My mom has been friends with this woman since before I was born. Her oldest is a couple days older than me, and her second daughter is just a couple months younger than my sister. We hung out with them a lot when we were little, but not much since elementary school. Apparently, she was "sort of" having issues with the fact that her younger sister is married (familiar?!) and she is single...she was thinking about how the "one" person who would understand all that comes with that was ME. I said...nice timing!, I was just talking to the counselor about this very thing and it IS okay to be happy and single. She said sure, but she would still like to find someone to be with forever... We talked for a little while, but I felt I needed to get home to the workers in case they needed to leave. Maybe we will end up getting together some time.

The guys were still working, so I went to the bank and grabbed BK for lunch (yeah, that whole "budget thing"...hmm.) They didn't have much done by then and left by about 1:30. The kitchen looks REALLY nice! I want to make a little slide show of before and after pictures, but that isn't getting done tonight.

I took a 2-hour nap with plans to mow my lawn when I got up since it finally got fixed. However, I was hungry and still tired when I woke up, so decided to eat first. My mom stopped by to see the kitchen on her way home and said I could come over for dinner with them and the neighbors. I could mow AFTER dinner, right?! (except it rained during dinner...maybe tomorrow!) As I was driving to my parent's house, I noticed that there was a piece of cardboard on my windshield.

My parents only live about a mile from me, but the whole way over there, I was wondering if it could possibly be a note from the floor guy. No way, not possible, but what ELSE would it be?! I couldn't get to my mom and dad's fast enough to check it out (it was on the passenger side or you KNOW I would have pulled over or spent a little longer at a stop sign to reach it!) Sure enough, the note in pencil on the piece of cardboard reads "Hey, this is (name) your floor installer. If you're interested in conversation email me (email address). If not it was nice to meet you." No freaking way! Seriously...although, I suppose painting sweatpants and t-shirt could be "hot" to a floor installer...ha ha...THAT is funny...."hot" I am not, but I will email him (if I can figure out if his address has an 84 or an 86...guessing that would say how old he is too...)

I am going back to see the counselor on the 21st. I think I have more "homework" to do before then...and maybe even gone on a couple "non-dates"...

My kitchen is painted and has new floors, but I need to do some cleaning and THEN put it back together...hopefully getting rid of non-essential things and making things more organized in the process. I am still planning to read the book for the "bloom" book club whose button I posted on the side of my blog, but haven't started it yet. I read that about 1000 people will be reading along...I wonder how many people will actively participate. I'm not sure I will feel comfortable with that many people. People who know me wouldn't call me "shy", but I tend to be more reserved especially when it comes to sharing my opinions. I'm still excited about it though, and maybe will be more of an active participant than I think.

Well, even with the nap, it was a long and thinking-filled day (dinner included fried chicken and a couple glasses of wine with four of the people who will be joining me in Vegas...that is going to be a "trip"!) so I should go to bed. Back to work tomorrow.