Panic Mode

I was prepared to float to "the adult world" today, but thought maybe I would go to the adult transplant floor which is where the nurse went on Wednesday. I was not very excited to find out I would be going back to the adult cardiac floor I floated to in April and May. However, on my walk over to that unit I attempted to convince myself that it would be a good day. I was feeling pretty good when I was getting report, but that only lasted about 10 minutes. At that point, a doctor had written orders that were not really the way we are "supposed to" do things. Not really "bad", but it made carrying out the orders a LOT more complicated. I quickly went into "panic mode" since I was SO out of my element and it wasn't going to be easy to pretend I knew what I was doing...

Praise God I didn't have to wait too long or look too far and an angel in "Nurse Nancy" came to my rescue. I recognized her from my last float and snagged her saying "please help me!" About forty-five minutes into our work, it seemed it was all for "nothing" because the patient was not going to leave anyway...

So, I was behind on my work, still not really having a clue what was going on and trying hard not to cry. I decided that I had time to send a quick email to a friend that asked her to pray for me, or at least send some "happy thoughts" my way. That gave me a much needed breather and I was able to go again for a little while longer. Then, I called my mom and said "can you BELIEVE where I am today?!" She reminded me that those patients needed me too, and I can make a difference in their lives just like I make a difference in the lives of my kids. Deep breath. Okay, I can do this...

Then it was decided around 11:00 that two of my patients were to be transferred to other facilities. We do not do transfers very often, (especially not to nursing homes!) Thankfully, at this point, I had discovered who my resource people were and boy did I use them! I had this team of people surrounding me almost completely removing the weight off my shoulders. It was an amazing example of teamwork at its best. AND, the BEST part of it, is that those patients were well taken care of, the people on the other end were well-informed about the plan, and I was reminded about why I love where I work. Not only do we provide extraordinary care on my floor, but they do in other parts of the hospital as well!

I ended up with a late lunch filled with interruptions about my one remaining patient. That was SO annoying at the time, but I didn't realize that I would later end up with nearly three hours of nothing to do (it was almost like sitting at home on my couch seeing how many times I can check my email in an hour, only I was getting paid...but, if I were at home, I could have rested my eyes for a while!). They let me leave early since, for probably one of the only times ever on that floor, they were not getting bombarded with admissions.

I stopped by my floor on the way out to visit my co-workers. Some of them had a pretty busy day too, but none of them got to leave early :o)

On my way out, I ran into a couple who was trying to find a friend "who had heart surgery" and wanted to know where she could be. I'm thinking there are at least four places someone with that procedure could be. However, the floor I had just come from was one of them. In conversation, they mentioned some details that made me think of some of the talk that was going on during my lunch break. So, I was pretty convinced that their friend was, in fact, on the floor where I had been all day. I had the number, called to check, and sure enough that was where she was. I gave them the number and directions. Nothing like being in the right place at the right time!

After I got home, I decided to walk to the grocery store to check out a movie (they have one of those $1 machines). I watched the movie "bella" I sort of fell asleep in the middle, which is typical for me and why I hardly ever watch movies. However, it was a pretty good movie.

Well, I am tired and go back to work again tomorrow, so I should sleep. Good night!

Good to Know

On Tuesday when I was in the middle of refusing to do anything that could remotely be considered "being productive", I was messing around on facebook. I ended up taking a quiz "When Will You Get Married?" My result: According to the Wedding Algorithm, You Will Marry In: 4 YEARS AND 1 MONTH. That would make it October of 2012. I'd be nearly 33 years old (Wow!). I suppose that could happen! I told my mom about this scientific quiz I took. I figured that 10/2012 would be kind of a "cool time" to get married (whatever that means!) I then did a little math and determined that this could mean I am "destined" to meet my Prince Charming in November of 2011 (11/11). The thought being that at this point in my life, I will (should anyway!) know pretty quickly if it is HIM or not :o) Then, a long engagement wouldn't really be necessary (you know, the whole waiting until you are married for you know what could get a little tough after a while...hee hee!). Of course, I continue to tell my parents that I'm not planning to get married, but suppose things could change in "four years and one month". I've already been refusing to go on any dates, but at least now I have an "excuse"...I MUST wait until 2011 to fulfill the "Wedding Algorithm". Anyway, I thought this was good information to have :o)

I had a couple meetings at the hospital this morning. One of them was about some exciting changes taking place in pediatrics at my hospital. They created a video of us "doing what we do" and quite a few of our patients (of course it brought tears to my eyes!) It was very inspiring. My other meeting was the one I chair for my unit. We had very good discussions and got quite a bit accomplished. Great morning! (even if I DID have to go to work on my "day off"...at least it was paid!)

I REALLY wanted to take a nap, but somehow managed to stay awake the rest of the day. I do, however, feel an early bedtime will be necessary! Instead, I went shopping, worked out, went to a coffee shop to sit outside and read, walked to the grocery store, and talked to a friend on the phone. My living room isn't picking itself up for some reason, but maybe I will give it some assistance "next week".

Back to work tomorrow. Too bad I am nearly 99% sure I will be working with adults and not on my floor. That stinks, but only about four more weeks until I no longer have to do that!!

I talked to the baby's mom and he is doing a LOT better--yay! He is still on a ventilator, but a regular one now. He is also awake and able to move some, so that is GREAT. Those prayers are definitely helping! She is doing pretty well too.

That's about it...nice "day off" :o) Good night.

This prayer was in the book I am reading. I liked it, so will post it here.
O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things. Amen.
~Saint Ignatius of Loyola

That Would Have Been "SO Cool!"

So, we have a kiddo on the floor that I have an extra special little connection with. I was hoping I would be able to "complete the circle" today, but it didn't go QUITE as I had planned. Not only was I this child's FIRST nurse at my hospital when they came to be evaluated for transplant, but I was THE nurse who was there when they arrived after receiving "the call". After months of ups and downs, and REALLY scary moments, today was to be the first time this child would be going "outpatient" after transplant (and, actually the first time out of the hospital this year!). So, I got to work early so I could make sure I was given the choice of my patient assignment. I thought it would have been "SO cool" to be the nurse who also got to give them their pass to freedom. However, there was a little communication issue with getting all the medications today (I believe we counted that there are seventeen of them!), so the discharge had to be postponed until at least tomorrow.

So, that was a bit disappointing, but it also gave me the opportunity to spend more time with this very adorable little one, and also time to see what I could do to ease some of the anxiety this mother has about leaving the comfort zone of the hospital. While they are SO grateful for the possibility of a "normal life", it is going to require a HUGE life change (at least for a little while until they create their "new normal" routine).

All in all, I cannot complain about today. It was pretty quiet for me (I actually got both of my patients back from Friday which rarely happens when you are off for one day let alone FOUR!).

Well, I suppose I should get ready for bed. I have a couple meetings in the morning, and hopefully can force myself to do some organizing in the afternoon.

Prayers to all who need them :o) Good night.

Four Days Off...

and I can honestly say that I am ready to go back to work! Of course, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I have had enough of hanging out at home for now. Not that I am complaining because there are SO many people who would LOVE to have a day off, or would like to have time alone. However, I just have a hard time motivating myself to do much and need to be around other people every once in a while. I like it when I am scheduled about every other day. That works pretty well for me, even though it does tend to mess up the whole "continuity of care" deal. Then again, sometimes three days off is nice if I want to do some kind of "big project", but four was a bit long for me (this time anyway!).

Wow, this is pretty pathetic actually, and kind of embarrasing. But, those are my thoughts right now...so, I guess I am just being honest!

I could have done any of a number of things that would have quickly "cured" my "boredom". I just made different choices I guess.

So, back to work tomorrow. I'm going to try and go early so I might get to choose my patients for the day (often the whole "first come first served" thing is annoying, but I can "play that game" too!). The baby still is on high ventilator settings, but his mom texted me and said that he is making slow progress. They are hopeful that he will be back on a regular ventilator by the end of the week. Praying for that, and for my friend. I do not do well seeing kids on ventilators, so I can't even imagine what it would be like for a parent to see their child like that.

Good night. Back to my "princess and the pea" bed. No big issues last night, although I did toss and turn for a while. Hopefully I sleep better tonight and don't have any problems when the alarm goes off at 5:30 instead of 8:00!

Plucking Away

I would have to call today a pretty productive day even though I did quite a bit of "hanging out" too. I got my lawn mowed (the parts of it that are still green and growing anyway) and watered most of it. My dad told me that the weeds around my tree ring actually look pretty nice since they are all the same size. My mom didn't quite agree with that, but I told her that I am not going to be taking care of any flowers, so may as well let something grow (anyway, a "weed" is just a "plant you don't want" according to my dad...I like that definition, so grow away!)

I had my parents come help me switch the beds in my bedrooms. I bought a new bed last winter and put it in the guest room instead of replacing the old, smaller size bed in my room. I finally decided that it was silly to have a nicer bed just sitting there in the guest room. I also am wondering why I picked out a double-sided pillow top bed that makes it 31 inches off the ground. Being less than 60 inches myself, it is quite a jump up there, and I am hoping I don't fall out of bed because that would definitely hurt. So, no crazy dreams or emergency potty breaks in the middle of the night please!

After lunch with my dad and grandparents, I managed to do a few more "chores" around the house. I washed the curtains (I did the sheets earlier) and did a little dusting. I also washed a couple windows. I baked some snickerdoodles as part of the thank-you to the electrician who helped me after the June storm.

Tomorrow I have more "little chores" to do, but am also contemplating starting another painting project (I must have blocked out my last painting experience already!). I also need to clean the bathroom since that never got done after I got distracted with the "caulking project".

All in all, a fun and productive three day weekend...mine continues tomorrow, so make that a FOUR day weekend :o)

Continued prayers for the baby who remains pretty sick, for little miss "E" who hopefully will get out of the hospital this week, all others who are already in my thoughts and prayers, and also for all those affected by the storms. I cannot even imagine what they are going through. I saw the destruction that occurred here in June and we don't have water to go along with the strong winds.

Well, I suppose I should package the cookies and then head to bed. My dad called it the "Princess and the Pea" bed, but hopefully I sleep better than that (I'm not a princess, so I should, right?!) Good night.

Caulking Complete

So, last night when I went to bed, I thought I was finished removing the old caulk. However, when I decided to try and finish the project this afternoon, I realized that there was still a bit left. Therefore, what I initially imagined to be a sort of fun, not too challenging project turned into over four hours of manual labor! If I do say so myself, though, it does look pretty darn good! I will have my parents check it out when they come over tomorrow and find out "for sure"!

I managed to fit in quite a bit today, so that feels very good. Not only did I finish the caulking project, but I also put away the laundry that had been sitting on my couch for a week, did a little bit of vacuuming, and sent off the agenda and information for the meeting I have on Thursday. I also went church and had breakfast with my parents, to lunch with a friend and her two-year-old (now THAT was funny...apparently it takes a special skill to feed yogurt in a tube to a child. I do not have it!), watched some of a softball game, had dinner with my parents, and still had time to mess around on facebook, send a few emails and just relax watching TV. Now THAT is a full day!

Tomorrow...need to mow the lawn! Good night.

What was I thinking?!

Apparently, I was not! Of ALL the projects that I KNOW need to be done (yard work, laundry, dishes, paper sorting, meeting planning, organizing, vacuuming...the list goes on and on!), I found something else to do. It all started with me deciding to tackle the bathroom as my project of the day. I started with the bathtub. I noticed that the caulk was kind of nasty looking (I had noticed it before, but today, it seemed worse.). So, I decided to walk to the hardware store to buy some new caulk and make that my project of the day.

Now, for whatever reason, I thought that removing old caulk would be kind of fun. Three hours later I will let you know that it is not quite as enjoyable as I imagined (although I did listen to music while I worked!). It took that long to remove as much of the old caulk as my body would allow me to at this point. So, the rest of the project will have to be completed tomorrow if I would like to shower at some point in the next week...(just kidding, I DO have another shower, but I am not sure I can say I have ever actually used it!)

So, I still have laundry and papers strewn about, dishes in the sink, weeds in the lawn...you get the picture. However, I WILL have new caulk in the bathtub.

What in the world was I thinking?! Oh well, maybe in some way this says that I may actually be deserving of the title "homeowner" rather than a person who owns a house...okay, that could be pushing it a bit, but it definitely seems like a step in the right direction!

Good night.

Three in One

I can hardly believe I took two nights away from journalling. I wish I could say that I also spent less time on the computer, but that is not true (unless you consider the fact that I worked 36+ hours so didn't spent as many "day time hours" here). It did, however, seem a little better since it was my "down time" after working all day rather than simply "what I do all day". Not sure if that really means much of anything, but I also went to bed a little earlier which was good too.

With all that I did at work the past three days, it could have been crazy (four discharges, three post-op patients, one PICU transfer), but it was not. I didn't have that sick of patients (which is why four of them got to go home!) and it was a nice change from constantly taking care of patients who basically live in the hospital with hardly an end to the hospitalization in sight.

Because I was "slow", I got to do my favorite thing which is spend extra time visiting and "hanging out" with my patients or their parents. Those moments are where I get my strength to continue this, the times when I have learned how to be a better nurse. Each conversation becomes a memory that remains with me in the times to celebrate, and the times when there are only tears.

I was given some wonderful "pats on the back" these days that all I could do was smile. I was having fun at work, and it showed (attitude makes a HUGE difference both for myself and for all the people who have to come in contact with me!). I am grateful for some wonderful days and pray they will carry me through the next time I am struggling with a "bad attitude day".

Now I have four days off. It hasn't really been the work days that have bothered me, it has been the "off days", so hopefully I can try some of the ideas I had and see where that takes me. I have some projects that NEED to be tackled. They have waited long enough.

Good night.

Creating Balance

I will not make any promises I cannot keep. I am not ready to commit to anything. However, in light of what has occurred over the past couple days (although I am sure it has been building for a while inside!), a change is necessary. (This will all make more sense if you have read the previous post.)

While I am not depressed or sad, I am not happy with they way things are. I feel like I am stuck in a rut, but since I FINALLY realized I was stuck, I can work on getting out.

I have some ideas that I think will work, if I stick to them.

Today I worked out, finally became a member of my church (I have been meaning to do that FOREVER...I have gone to the same church since I was about three, so it was about time to separate myself from my parents and become a single parishioner...I did request them NOT put my name in the bulletin as a new member because that would be SO embarrassing!), and went to dinner with a friend. Tomorrow I go back to work. Good night.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil." ~Proverbs 3:5-7

(The baby is VERY sick right now, so please keep him and his family in your prayers. Thanks.)

There's More to the Story

Today was my mom's birthday. She and I went and had pedicures this afternoon (her treat...works for me!). Then, as is our family tradition, we went out to dinner at whatever restaurant the birthday person chooses (my parents typically pay...definitely works for me!). We went to this Japanese steak house where they cook the food in front of you. That is always fun, and yummy!

The Family

The Girls

Sisters

***Warning--the remainder of this post was written throughout the course of the day. I have tried not to do too much editing so it is as close to the original as would make sense. It was really hard to write, and nearly as hard to re-read to make sure it didn't have anything that could be deemed offensive or hurtful.***

I have made it no secret that my mom doesn't really support the whole blogging, facebook, myspace thing. Yesterday afternoon, I was thinking about something that happened when I was in college. "Coincidentally," my mom mentioned the same event last night. That incident sheds a whole new light on her "disapproval". This is difficult for me to write about, but since both of us were reminded of it yesterday, and it is on my mind, I feel like I should get it out.

Ten years ago, probably near to the day, I was following my dream to go away to college. My family and I loaded up the car and drove over 700 miles to get me there. I was excited and nervous about what the next four years would bring. I had worked very hard to get a scholarship and my parents had sacrificed a great deal to make this dream possible.

That first semester was a crazy adjustment. I had a roommate who wasn't happy at all. At the beginning of the semester, she was my "study partner", but then she quit studying and I struggled. Somewhere in there, I had found an online "chat room" that was actually part of the web site of a Christian singer. Over a few months time I began to spend quite a lot of time there talking to a couple girls from around the country. One girl in particular caught my attention. She was a couple years younger, but had gone through some really tough things in her life. She didn't have a very stable family and few friends. So, me, being the person I am, decided I needed to "help" her, and I suppose be her friend. This seemed to work out for a while. I spoke to her on the phone, so knew she was a "real person". Eventually, though, we began to "chat" into the wee hours of the night all the time and it started to affect my schoolwork. I ended up inviting her to come visit during spring break, but it was sort of a "secret trip" (remember, we were both young and naive). I started to get a little nervous about it and "randomly" mentioned it to a good friend of mine. She calmly told me that this did not sound like a good idea at all (and made me realize that I must have been having my own reservations to mention it). So, I told the girl that it would not work out. Things got a little crazy after that. I ended up telling her that I could no longer continue our "relationship". It was getting hard for me to focus and I NEEDED to focus because, among other things, I was spending a lot of money on school! She did not take that very well and continued to try different ways to contact me. She was an innocent young girl who meant no harm, but didn't understand that I couldn't do it any more. I ended up "freaking out" and contacted the campus police to put a stop to it. That was the end of that part of the story. A very difficult lesson, but I learned a lot from that experience and it is forever a part of me.

So, my mom remembers that...her crying teenage daughter 700 miles away from home dealing with campus police because of something that happened with a person on the Internet. I remember that too. Knowing what I know now about how much it hurts parents to see their children hurting, I imagine that was very hard for her. Even though I brought it on myself, she is still protective of me and does not want anything to happen to me. (Love my mom!)

Because of this, I WAS hesitant to do the whole myspace/facebook thing, but went ahead since "everyone" was doing it. So many people came out of the woodwork and found me. It was such a weird feeling, although it should have been really neat. Then, last May I decided that blogging would be good for me. I was already writing in a diary/journal (had already filled like 20 by then!) and saw this as basically a simpler way to chronicle my life (and save some trees in the mean time!). I was determined to be careful...no names, no locations, no real intimate or identifying details. For months it was just me and my blog. I wrote what I felt, and no one else was reading. I was anonymous, and that was fine with me.

Then, in March, ten months after I started writing, something changed. Someone (thankfully a very nice person!) figured out where I lived and where I worked. I will admit, my initial reaction was near panic...I must have let my guard down...I wrote too many details...I commented on too many different blogs (even though I had tried to be careful about that, and about what I wrote)...something changed and I wasn't sure I liked it. But then, I decided that everything happens for a reason. This could be okay. Something good could come from this. I will still be "super careful", but was determined this was not going to be a bad thing.

So, I kept writing, and started to get more "brave" at leaving comments on other blogs (sometimes even using my first name...gasp!). And, really good things have happened. I have received prayers when I asked for them (and sometimes when I didn't know I needed them), I have been given affirmation for hard work done, comforting words when rough times have hit, encouraging words to keep on going...all sorts of REALLY great things. God continues to bring amazing people into my life and I am so thankful for that. I have learned so much from the people I have "met" out there because of this whole "blogging thing" and I do not have any regrets.

Last week, though, I let my guard down and did a little extra "sharing" of myself (even AFTER reading Emily's post about being guarded and responding that I admire her openness and willingness to share so much of herself). I think that breakdown of my "wall" triggered my thoughts of this experience from 10 years ago (a mini little post-traumatic stress episode of sorts). The situations are completely different, so I am not worried about a repeat of that traumatic experience. I did have a tiny moment of panic thinking "Did I REALLY just do that?!" but immediately found that it indeed was "right". (If you are reading this, PLEASE know that I am happy that things are the way they are. I am glad that you do not see us as strangers and have enjoyed our extra "conversing". This post doesn't have anything to do with you personally, just something I had been holding inside that burst to the surface and needed to come out.) I am older now, and a lot has happened in my life since then. I believe my intentions are different too and there is more of a level playing field. I am only trying to "save the world" at my job and in my city, not everywhere in the country :o) (Just kidding!)

Even still, I can honestly tell my mother (and assure myself) that I am still being cautious. There are a LOT of people who have more information about themselves out there than I do. However, I do need to remember to take some time away from the computer and spend some time communicating with my other friends and family. This is a safe place for me, and it is hard to step out into the world of the unknown, but I cannot continue to learn and grow unless I go out of my comfort zone every once in a while. Maybe I should start going outside more because soon it will be winter and then I REALLY will be stuck inside!

This post seems a bit out of place, and maybe even irrelevant. I am happy with all the blessings I have received by being myself and writing about what I do on a day-to-day basis. Because of this blog, I have "met" people that typically would not have crossed my path. Not only because of the distance that separates us, but also because our lives are so different. Even still, they have impacted my life in more ways than I ever could have imagined. In the end, I guess it still is basically a simple way to chronicle my life. Only now, often I have cheerleaders along the path :o) And, doesn't everyone need a cheerleader or two?! And so, I will continue to write (and try and encourage myself to get out a little more, or get a hobby...there is nothing my "blog friends" can really do for me in that department!).

For all who have taken the time to read this, I thank you. Thank you for all of your words of encouragement and prayers, and for simply just "being there" following along with me on this journey of life. I don't know why you continue to come and read about my "boring life" when I hardly have anything to say, but I am glad you do.

And, with that, I will say good night.

On Call

So, my phone rang at 5:30 this morning. The night charge nurse said she would call if they needed me to work OR if they didn't. When I left last night, things were pretty slow, so I was surprised when she said they needed me to come. Since I typically don't get up until 6 (or a little after...I live very close to work and don't do much to get ready besides shower!) I went back to sleep. My phone rang about 20 minutes later. She asked if I was already dressed and ready (nope, not out of bed yet!) and had decided that I would not be needed right away, but would I remain "on call". I said sure, thinking that there was a good possibility I would be called in.

I slept for a while longer, but decided to get up and go to church with my parents. It was SO nice to be able to go to my church! Going with my parents was an added bonus (typically, if I am off, I go at a different time since I sing in the choir, but since I didn't know if I would be called out of church, I didn't want to be in the choir!). I had breakfast and visited with them after that and then headed home.

I couldn't really go TOO far since I was "on call", but that was a good excuse just to hang out and do nothing. I managed to do some laundry, but mostly just sat and watched TV (I actually watched a couple movies that were on...I caught most of "No Reservations" which I would recommend and some other silly movie that I was resting during, so didn't catch the whole thing). I never did get called in, so that means that of the 8 or 9 extra shifts I signed up for, I only got ONE! Oh well, nothing I can do about it, and most of the days I had good alternatives planned :o)

I had dinner with my parents, then we went for a walk (so, a Sunday spent with the parents...that is nice!). When I got home, I received a text message from one of my friends (the one with the baby whose hand is with mine at the top of the page). He was admitted to the PICU yesterday with some respiratory issues. Today he was placed on the ventilator due to pneumonia. She asked for prayers, so I am putting the request out there. Also, her nearly 5-year-old nephew was hit by a car on Friday. Today she didn't have any updates on him, but initially was critical but stable. The baby's sisters also start school tomorrow...most likely their first time without their mom there to see them off. Please keep all of them in your prayers.

Well, that's it...at least I got like $2/hr just sitting here all day...better than nothing I guess (although, maybe it is a little MORE than $2 since I will have overtime!).

Good night.

Quiet Day

I hesitate to use the word "boring" when it comes to my work, because there is ALWAYS something that could be found to do. And, a "quiet day" beats the alternative the majority of the time. I worked pretty darn hard on Wednesday, and yesterday had moments that I wouldn't want to repeat any time soon. So, a "boring day" was definitely appreciated! However, you can really only check your email so many times, especially when you don't really want to start responding because that is when you would get called to work.

Probably the coolest part of the day was some special visitors I got! I was sitting at the computer checking my facebook (I know, the computers are ONLY supposed to be used for work things...blah, blah, blah) and turned around when I heard a familiar voice. My sister and brother-in-law were there to see me! They were visiting a friend of hers who just had a baby and decided to stop by my floor to see if I was working. Neither had never been to my floor, so I showed them around a little bit. I thought it was SO sweet that they took the time to come visit (I actually have tears in my eyes thinking about it). I never would have known any different, and likely wouldn't have questioned why they didn't come see me when they were already at the hospital. They truly made an effort that was completely unexpected and I appreciate it so much. (Funny thing, though, I went and introduced them to two of our very talkative and outgoing patients...both of whom decided they were shy...go figure...gotta love kids!)

I signed up for another extra shift tomorrow, but it looks like they will not need me. We actually do not have that many patients right now. So, that kind of stinks since I definitely thought I would be working and that would have made for a VERY nice pay check! I will, however, be needed if someone calls in sick or if they get a bunch of patients overnight. So, I won't be able to stay up until the wee hours of the night (not that I would be able to do that anyway!). So, quiet day, but definitely a good one!

Good night.

Teamwork

Many times I have written about how much I love my job. In fact, I am fairly certain that I have written more positive things about my work than negative. While there are rough days (take Wednesday for example) and sad days (take your pick), there are also rewarding days (see those hands at the top of my blog...that is a miracle!) and every step of the way I have my "team" with me. These wonderful people I work with understand the happy and the sad, the wonderful and the frustruating. We all care about these kids and it shows, especially when we all come together during "crisis" situations, and in times of grief. Of course, there are days when I wonder where "the team" is, but thankfully those days seem few and far between.

Today, I went and assessed my first patient at around 7:45. He didn't seem quite right and possibly had a fever. I had taken an axillary temperature, so cooled off his armpits and got a more normal temperature and decided just to watch him closely. The next few hours he seemed fine. He is a toddler, so was being quite ornery and messing with his pumps. It looked like he was going to take a nap, so I thought about going to lunch with everyone else (this probably isn't the BEST system, but quite often everyone goes and "listens out" for the patients). Apparently, God was watching over me because I decided to check on him one more time before I went to lunch. That kid did NOT look good at all! Within minutes I had a team of people there helping me to stabilize the patient and get him to the PICU. I am pretty sure that there could have been quite a different outcome if I hadn't checked on him again until after lunch, and it would have been a lot more crazy if the mom had found him like that (she had stepped off the floor to grab lunch). I am so thankful to have such a wonderful team (and grateful for that "one last check" today!). As I was leaving the PICU, his mom said "thank you for being such a great nurse today" which melted my heart...this is why I do this, because what I do MATTERS.

After that all happened, I ran into the parents of a little boy who passed away a couple weeks ago. I was the nurse who discharged him the last time and it was a huge ordeal, but he was able to be at home for a week. When I spoke to the mom, she expressed that they DID have a good week. She was thankful for that week, and for all that went into making it possible. While she will miss her son forever, there are moments here that will not be forgotten either.

On a completely different note, this blogging thing is kind of crazy. Even though I have remained rather anonymous for my job, patients, and family's sake, I have found some great people (or, as the case may be, some great people have found me). Sometimes I wonder why I read the kinds of blogs I read because "on paper" we don't really seem to have that much in common. However, I am SO grateful for these people, for all they have taught me, and I am sure will continue to teach me. I have cried with them, and rejoiced with them as they have for me. They have prayed for me, and I for them. I have emailed and even text messaged (that STILL makes me laugh!) with people I have "met" here and I think that is SO great! I started this blog to be separate from my "myspace" and "facebook" so I would be free to be myself, uninhibited by who people "think" I am, or who I "used" to be. Of course, sometimes it also is better if the people reading can't actually figure out who I am writing about! So far it has worked pretty well, and I am able to honestly tell my mom that I doubt any crazy people from the blog world are going to come knocking on my door (unless I invite them!).

Back to work tomorrow. So, I best be headed to bed. Good night.

Creative Juices

Well, it took a bit of effort and a couple headaches, but I actually feel like I accomplished something. My college roommate had her fourth baby in July. While I don't do a great job at keeping in touch with her (she does a great job especially considering she is married and raising a family and I am, well...) I felt like I should send a baby gift! I made a little scrapbook when she had her daughter in 2004, then one when she had her son in 2005. I hadn't done ANY scrapbooking at all since I made one for her daughter last year. So, I cheated a bit with this one and used some of my ideas from the last one. I made a few changes, but like the way it turned out. Of course, she is WAY more creative than I am, and I have no idea what she has done with the past three scrapbooks, but she is getting another one anyway :o) I am kind of proud of them, so made a little slide show. The pictures may be hard to see, but the idea is there.

This morning I did a blood donation for research. I believe this is the fifth time I have done it. It went pretty well because they weren't busy and people could take turns talking to me, plus I could watch the Today Show and Olympics. (The process entails a little over 3 1/2 hours of sitting in a recliner unable to move either arm since they have large needles in them. Luckily my little bladder behaved!) I went and visited my friend who works in a different department. I have been saying extra prayers for her since she has been going through some tough things. She seems to be doing pretty well right now which makes me happy. We considered going to lunch, but I didn't feel that great and she was really busy, so we will plan for another time.

After I got home, I watched TV for a couple hours, then took a couple hour nap. Even still, it is just now 10:00, but I am SO ready for bed! When I got up, I ate dinner and finished the scrapbook. Not too bad for a "day off"...today had a nice balance between relaxing and being productive...very good!

Back to work tomorrow. Yesterday was pretty crazy on my floor, so hopefully today was better, and tomorrow is EVEN better :o) Good night.

Mucho Moolah

Well, today I got the bonus shift I have been "asking for" for about two months... I was making probably twice my regular pay, but think I earned every penny! It was not that fun of a day at all, so I'm glad that my three previous shifts were not that bad. It is just after 9:30 and I am SO tired that I'm pretty sure I'll be asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. It is days/nights like these that I wonder how people do this when they have kids. I suppose you just do what you have to do the best you can, but I am sure it isn't easy.

Today was probably made even worse by the fact I found myself saying not very nice things more than once or twice. When I realized what I had done/said (actually I was "called out" on it by someone else!) I felt awful, but once that happens, there is nothing that can be done to take them back. I apologized to the couple people I knew were offended by what I had said, but I have no idea how many people they had shared my words with prior to that. I really was rather insensitive to the feelings of others, which isn't at ALL how I want to be. It definitely is a day I would like to forget, but I guess every day has its "teachable moments" and today had its fair share (or more).

I also took care of a kid who actually knows the kid of one someone I know. I found that out early on in the shift from the mom and thought that was pretty cool. Unfortunately, that family was the root of much of my frustruation today to the point I wasn't sure how much longer I could handle it all. Of course, the mom had to say a quiet "thank you" at the end of the shift to which I just had to smile and accept...although inside my thoughts were not at all kind. No, thank YOU for ensuring that I earned every penny today! Oh, but then I am reminded that this is a SICK kid...the mom is tired and anxious and scared and hurting because her child is hurting and all those other things that I give other people the benefit of the doubt about all the time... But it was SO frustruating it seemed like that mom was working against progress the entire day. I ended up having to leave quite a bit of work for the next shfit because of the way things went, and that is not a good way to leave, especially when you are not coming back tomorrow to clean up the next mess!

Okay, I suppose that is enough venting for today...it isn't getting any earlier and I am not getting any less tired. Good night.

A Day of Leisure

Not to be confused with "Just Chillin' (Again)", "Taking it Easy", "Relaxing Day", or "Whole Lotta Nothing" although the stories on those days could be "strangely" similar to that which occured today! That's pretty much what I do...work, or pretty much nothing at all. To be clear, I am SO thankful for my "days of rest" because lots of times I do work hard when I'm at work, physically and emotionally. I'm not sure how I would manage without having ENTIRE days with nothing planned! I need these "days of leisure", but sometimes I think I need to get a hobby (and then sometimes I just want to stay at home...hmm, that sounds like yesterday's post "Hard to Please"!) (I started writing this late this afternoon after I had done a few things around the house, but took LOTS of breaks on the couch. Since then, I got to work and actually feel very good about what I have accomplished! I am working on a baby gift for my friend and am about half done. I plan to post pictures of it when I am finished.)

I saw this clip on another blog. I thought it was great and decided to post it as well.

My softball season is now over. We didn't get to play tonight because we did not have enough players. It is sad that we didn't get another chance to win, or a chance to say "good-bye" to the season as a team, but it was nice to have the night off!

I am hoping the Olympics don't go too late tonight! I stayed up rather late again last night and it was hard to get up (and so I didn't until after 9:00!). Tomorrow I finally get to work a bonus shift! I am excited about that, especially since I am working on my vacation plans. It will be nice to have that little extra money, even though I am sure more than a little will be taken out in taxes! I will be working in the PICU rather than my floor, so it could be interesting, but I know quite a few patients who are there right now. Hopefully there are nice nurses working tomorrow (most of them are, but even on my floor, there are a couple that I would rather not have to be around for 12+ hours...).

Until tomorrow...good night :o)

Hard to Please

So, I finished my "three days in a row" stretch and have tomorrow off. That usually can't come soon enough, but I actually was more than a tiny bit on the "bored" side the past three days. Of course, there were moments of craziness, but I did a LOT of sitting and checking my email, and facebook and the online news, and whatever else I could think of to pass the time. I don't like it when I am "super busy", but twelve hours just DRAGS ON when there isn't much to do. I guess I will just have to try and remember these days the next time I don't have a chance to rest my legs all day long! So, I don't like "super busy", but don't care for "super slow" much either...hard to please?! Maybe!

I changed my patient assignment a little bit to get "the cup girl", but she left for surgery by 8:30 and was scheduled to go to the PICU following that. We didn't get many admissions, so I was left with two pretty easy patients the rest of the day (patients who have not received new organs simplifies things a LOT!).

I ate dinner with my parents and searched for airline tickets with my dad. We are planing a trip to California in October. My plan is to go visit my friend in Northern California for five days, then fly to Southern California where my dad and uncle will meet me for three days, and fly home with them. I can't remember going on that long of a vacation, but it definitely sounds like fun! We haven't make any definite plans, but it is in the works and I am excited.

I watched some more Olympics and checked "my blogs". My hormones may have got the best of me because I broke down in tears as I read the words written by a couple of my "blog friends" today (or, maybe they were just sad or struck a cord with me and some aspects of my life, and my hormones had nothing to do with the breakdown!). I have managed to pull myself together and am confident it won't be a "cry myself to sleep" night (I'm hoping those went away with the hives that "magically" disappeared!) Writing definitely helps me sort through things, even if all I do is log the events of the day.

Tomorrow I do not have any plans. I do have quite a few things that I would like to get done, but may end up taking it easy for most of the day.
Good night.

The Cups

Today was a relatively slow "news day", but I have a hard time skipping my journalling (even when it is random stuff, or simply a record of events, I think it still helps to write it down).

With the original title being "making memories", I think "the cups" is a little better considering the nature of the story.

I have been sharing a simple little story that I sort of alluded to on Monday with my co-workers and family. At the time, it seemed okay to write about it "in general", but since I don't have much else to write about, I think it would be nice to have it on record.

I have been caring for a little patient who has been through a heck of a time this past year. Her parents are great, and it is very hard seeing them watch their child hurting so badly. They have a wonderful sense of humor, and somehow have found ways to smile even when their hearts have to be breaking. So, I am okay doing a little extra trying to help their efforts to remain positive and give them a reason to laugh. Usually, the joke is on me in these kinds of situations, but this time, the dad and the little one helped!

Okay, this is becoming a long drawn out story and it isn't even really that good of a story (although I do want to be sure I never forget it, which is why I am spending all this time typing it when I should be in bed!).

Last Friday, one of the times I was leaving the patient's room, I asked her mom if she needed anything. She asked for a glass of ice water. Okay, I can do that (although in some instances that can be an annoying request...I'm not going to lie!). I decided that since they had been there FOREVER, I could get the mom one of our plastic mugs instead of getting a paper cup. To make it "extra fun", I wrote her name in permanent marker on it. It made her smile, especially when her husband said it was good her name was there because she has a hard time remembering it. The next day, she and I were talking about "the cup". I told her that if her husband was brave and asked me for one, I would get him one. I swear, it took him ALL DAY LONG to ask me (apparently, he tried doing this whole "mime" routine that I didn't get and she told him he had to actually ASK me!). Instead of just his name, he wanted me to write the nickname his daughter calls him. When I was done, he said "aren't you going to put a heart or star or something on there?!" Picky, picky! I'm not at ALL artistic, although I AM able to write letters on a cup! So, he settled for a smiley face.

The little girl isn't drinking much, so I gave her a paper cup with her name on it instead of a big mug. Yesterday, I stopped by their room for a visit and noticed that cup was still there (nearly a week later!). I guess one night, the nurse brought her a cup of water WITHOUT her name on it, and she threw quite a fit! So, all week long, the parents dumped water from other nurses into the cup with her name on it. Today, I brought a plastic cup I had at home and now she has a little cup with her name on it (since I'm thinking that even water from that week old cup would not taste that great!).

Who knew that something as simple as your name on a plastic cup could make such a difference. While I am hoping and praying that the "prognosis" is wrong and this girl is meant to live a long life, if God has other plans, then at least I will always the story about "the cups". And, because of this, I am aware of the impact that a simple gesture can make...which also means that tiny negative gestures can affect people just as much. I don't always remember that part.

Well, it's late, and I work again tomorrow, so I'd better "hit the hay". Good night.

Wake-Up Call

Some of my more philisophical or creative friends would use that title and write about something profound.

Not me, though, because this morning I did, indeed receive a wake-up call. That is not-so-good when the call comes nearly ten minutes after you are supposed to be at work! Yes, I definitely was enjoying my sleep when my telephone rang at 7:07 this morning. Yesterday, I accidentally unplugged my alarm clock. Right before I went to bed (later than I should have been heading to bed considering the early start!), I set the clock, and the alarm. Unfortunately, I did not double-check the AM/PM setting. I got to work a little after 7:30, so made pretty good time! Since I was late, I got the "short end of the stick" (the one patient no one else wanted to take), but actually had a good day and the patient was not that bad (since I had good people around to help me!) The main issue is that it is a physically demanding patient and I do not think I can do it for three days in a row, but tomorrow should be okay.

What exciting swimming finals! I think it was extra cool watching those swimmers since I saw some of them during the trials. I am glad that the coverage has ended early on the nights before I have to get up early (I am sure they did that just for me!). As it is, it is time for me to head to bed. I'll be sure to check my clock again before going to sleep tonight :o) I don't think they would appreciate having to do another wake-up call!

Good night.

Handy Mandy

No, I have never been a "Mandy". However that sounded like a fun title considering my major accomplishment of the day was putting together a couple shelves for my office. I enjoy putting things together by myself, but this actually wasn't very challenging. The big "issue" was that I went to Target, bought the two bottom pieces, and put them together. I thought they needed something else, so I went back and got the shelves.

I still need to put the shelves in the right side, but haven't figured out what kinds of books I will put in there, so wanted to wait to see how tall they are. I can't say that I "love" it, because it is only "close" to what I was picturing, and I'm not sure if what I was picturing would actually look any better. The left side opens and has two shelves as well (I should have opened it for the picture, but didn't think about it). I put my CDs on the top two because they were just hanging out in random places (I don't have very many relatively speaking, but it is nice to have them all in one place!). Another option for the top was a two drawer thing. I'm not too excited about how the shelves look, but think they are more useful to what I plan to organize than drawers would be. I have scrapbook stuff scattered all over that room and need to get them in one place and make it a usable space. I have not done any scrapbooking in over a year because that room is so crazy. My college roommate had her fourth baby in July. For each of her other three babies, I put together a little scrapbook that she just had to add pictures and journaling. It wouldn't be quite fair to stop now, but at this rate it may end up being a Christmas gift!

My meeting at the hospital was good. The woman who has been in charge of the memorial service for years is thinking she will retire in about two years. So, she is hoping to have someone else step forward to take over the event while she is still there as a resource. I didn't quite commit to doing that, but it may end up being me. The Pastoral Care and Child Life Departments are heavily involved and it seems like all the contacts and organization is in place, so it sounds like a good kind of event to take over!

My family went to celebrate my cousin's graduation from college. Other than that, the meeting, two trips to Target, and a workout at Curves, it was a pretty quiet day. I am scheduled to go back to work tomorrow for three days in a row. I hardly ever do that, and tomorrow could be tough since I haven't had to get up that early for a while and stay awake all day! Thank goodness the late-night Olympic coverage isn't anything I feel like I have to stay awake for!

So, time to head to bed. Good night.

You May be a Stalker if...

...you send an email to someone you don't "really" know because they haven't updated their blog in four days just to make sure they are okay.
...you drive down the same block three times trying to find the house of someone you know, even though you never planned on going up to the door unless the person was standing outside flagging you down.

Or, maybe that means you just have too much time on your hands! Thankfully the email was viewed as thoughtful and not like that at all, and I never did find that house (it was in one of those neighborhoods that has pretty private entrances and the addresses were not easy to see!)

Apparently, a four meeting and one training session week was not enough to keep me busy. I haven't done a 12-hour shift since Monday and my rear end is growing as it has sat on the couch for must of the past three days and tomorrow will most likely be no different. However, I am thinking about setting some household goals for tomorrow in hopes of feeling like I accomplished something this week!

Back to watching the Olympics. I am thankful to be in Central Time because this is already late enough for me! Tomorrow I was invited to attend a planning meeting at the hospital for a memorial service. If I go, it will be my fourth meeting of the week, and mean I will be at the hospital seven out of eight days. Seeing as I have learned a lot about grief and loss in my time, I feel like I have something to add. Even though it is unlikely I would actually be able to attend the service, it may be nice to participate in the planning. So, I will probably go.

Good night.

Just Chillin' (Again!)

Even though I can think of a LOT of things I could have (should have?) done today, I didn't do much of anything. They didn't need me to work, but I did decide to get up at a semi-decent hour and mow my lawn (it had been a little over 2 weeks, so it was time!). I went with my dad to take their Japanese student to the airport.

We ended up being there a lot longer than expected because her teacher was late getting there! They were going to spend some time in California before heading back to Japan. I didn't spend a WHOLE lot of time with her, but my dad said she was fun. They have hosted quite a few students, and she was one of their favorites. My parents are cool and gave her a really good experience. My sister took her to the zoo. She saw a couple softball games, went to church, toured a high school, went shopping, ate at a couple restaurants... She ate corn on the cob, barbecue chicken, French toast, grilled cheese, and some other "typical" American food and seemed to enjoy that. It is always fun to share those kinds of experiences we usually take for granted.

After my dad brought me home from the airport, I managed to do pretty much nothing the rest of the day other than checking and sending emails. I took a nap before meeting a friend at The Melting Pot. She and some of her co-workers were going for "Ladies' Night" and since I was off, I was able to go. It was yummy as expected :o)

I was planning to go visit my friend at her house after that, but her "pregnant brain" (her words, not mine!) forgot that she had shopping plans with her mother-in-law. So, I met them at Kohl's and kept her almost 2-year-old busy for a little while when they shopped (he only ran away one time, but that was when all THREE of us were around!). I hadn't seen her since she told me she was pregnant, so it was great to finally connect. The baby is due in March, so that is very exciting

I made it home in time to watch more of the Olympics. They have been SO fun to watch so far, and there are lots of days left! Tomorrow I get to go to the hospital for an 8 hour computer training. I am VERY excited about that...ha ha! It shouldn't be TOO bad, I guess, and I will have to pay attention because we are changing the way we document everything the second week in September.

Well, back to the Games. Another late night, but it is worth it!

No Hives!

So, this morning I had my performance evaluation at work. Last year I was a little disappointed (I did write about it here ) and was hoping this year would be better. In reading last year's post, it looks like my manager gave me some ideas and opportunities for improvement. At that time, I did not know that I would become the chairperson for my unit committee or be on a hospital-wide committee. Those experiences, the classes I have taken, the people I have met, and just another year of being a nurse led me to receiving a "much improved" evaluation, and really reflected what I have done to try and do a better job (even though last year I couldn't believe the things that were said and while it was frustruating, I obviously was able to learn from them!). We set some performance improvement goals, and she gave me some ideas on how to better handle those stressful situations. This year, my "passion" for my job was looked upon as something positive in contrast to last year when that almost seemed like a negative. I guess it is all in how I handle myself and the situation. I KNOW that this past year I have been blessed with people who have taught me to cherish each moment and celebrate the small things. I am sure that has helped me not only cope with the difficult times, but also create significance from the little things. (And, I'm not just saying that to convince myself that my "addiction" to reading blogs is okay!") Even when sad things happen, I am able to remember the good times and the special moments I created with patients and their families.

About half-way through our conversation (I was there for about 45 minutes since I also wanted to talk to her about some of the things from yesterday and general unit issues while I had her to myself!), she said to me "you don't even have hives!" I could hardly believe it! It used to be that ANY time I engaged in difficult conversations, or was in a stressful situation, or pretty much any time I went to talk to her about someting I would get "instant hives". There wasn't really anything I could do to stop them...or so I thought! After she said that, I realized that it has probably been quite a while since I had broken out in hives due to nerves/stress. That is SO awesome! Since it is not something that I can control by my head alone, I suppose that means that something within me has changed to where I am more confident and comfortable in those situations. That is SO exciting to me!

I had a meeting after our meeting, then went to a foster parent picnic. It was really fun (even though I didn't end up playing with the kids like I thought I would do!). I talked to the woman I did supervised visits with, the social worker who did my visits, a friend who works at my agency and got me interested in becoming a foster parent, and the mother of a former patient who passed away in January. I actually wrote about her quite a bit because that was a very difficult time for me ( here , here , and here ). Her mom told me how much it meant that I attended her funeral. I told her about how many road blocks I had to go through to make it there, but I KNEW I needed to be there (and hearing that today definitely made it all worth it, and I am even more certain that I NEEDED to be there!). She has been wanted to go to the hospital to visit and donate some of her daughter's things, but has not been able to go through with actually driving there. She asked when I worked, and I told her that I don't have an actual schedule. So, she thought, either I would be there when she came, or I wouldn't. I let her know that if she would like me to go with her to the hospital, to hold her hand as she entered those doors, and stepped onto the floors where her daughter spent many days, and took her last breath, I would do that. Such a seemingly simple gesture, but it was exactly what she needed, and we will plan to go some time in September. We shared stories about her little girl along with some tears. I am looking forward to spending more time with her at future foster parent gatherings. I think she will be very supportive and helpful to me when I have a child placed in my home.

After that, I went to an eye doctor appointment and then "chilled" until my softball game. We only have one game left, and I think I'm ready for the season to be over! My legs have multiple bruises from all the balls that have hit them this season. My elbow, however, is healing very nicely :o) We got beat very badly yet again, but at least the other team was nice. My parents cooked me dinner after the game :o) and we ate with their Japanese student as we watched the Olympics. She leaves tomorrow to spend some time in California before heading back to Jampan and I will go with my dad to the airport if I don't end up having to work. I signed up for a bonus shift in the PICU, but it doesn't sound like they will need me. Again, sort of frustruting since the extra money would be great, but like all the other days I have been "called off", I have lots of other options of things to do. My friend also invited me to a 5:00 dinner that I will be able to attend if I do not work. It is what it is (and it is nearly 12:30, so it probably will be best if I DON'T have to be up at 6:00 now!).

So, quite a busy day! I am still surprised about the whole "no hives" thing (especially that my manager noticed it before I did!) but very excited about that too because that could open a whole new world for me :o) Okay, so maybe not QUITE that dramatic, but it is even more stressful to know that I can't stand up for myself, or for someone else without breaking out in hives. Now maybe I can!

Okay, I am tired, and this is probably a long enough post! Time for bed. Good night.

Ten Hours and Then

...craziness happened and I didn't get off for another THREE hours! The first part of the day was actually pretty great. I got my two patients back from Saturday (I had to convince another nurse to give me one of them since I didn't get to work until nearly 7). Since I had sort of a routine down, we were able to have some fun. I LOVE those days! I had a nice visit with one of the moms about her daughter. I let her know that she has done a FABULOUS job in raising a great kid. This "pre-teen" has multiple issues that make her very different from other kids. She handles them in such a way that her parents MUST have done a great job with her from the very beginning. I enjoyed hearing how they have made it through the struggles of dealing with a chronically ill child, especially when faced with the middle school years that are tough enough. I spent many moments of the day teasing the parents of my other patient. They were totally cracking me up and have maintained a good sense of humor even after all they have gone through with their child.


This is what I love about my job. These moments--they are what keep me going even when the going gets rough. And rough they went this afternoon.


One of my friends works with a consulting service and I hadn't seen her in a couple weeks. I was SO happy to see her! But then, she said something about the "prognosis" of a patient that led me to fighting tears the rest of the day. I had no idea (I know people can be wrong, because it is all in God's hands, but the thought that this child wouldn't make it had NEVER crossed my mind). I'm afraid this could be a tough one if she ends up being correct due to details that I probably should leave . The thought makes me sick to my stomach and brings tears to my eyes. Right after I heard that, I had to start chemo on my new patient (twice in three days after not doing that for probably over a year...gee, thanks!). Then, one of my other patients started having issues that needed to be tended to promptly, I received a phone call from a physician that nearly sent me on a wild goose chase...yep, I LOVE my job!


I am blessed to have such wonderful co-workers. When all heck broke loose, I had no less than FOUR people working to help me get back on track. I was trying not to cry and there were people all around me asking what they could do. Wow!


My parents saved some supper for me, so I ate and watched the Olympics with them and their Japanese student. I think she is enjoying her time here.


Well, it's late and I have a meeting at 9, so I should get ready for bed. Good night.

Taking it Easy

People often give me a hard time because I "only" work three days a week, but they ARE pretty long days, so they tend to wear me out. After working the past two days, all I really wanted to do was "hang out". (I'm trying not to think about how this will all change if a child comes into my home...something tells me that kids don't usually just "hang out"!) So, I slept in even though I probably should have gotten up to mow my lawn (that hasn't been done before I left for vacation, but I also haven't watered it, so it hasn't grown THAT much!). I finally was able to go to church and sing with the choir. I can't remember the last time I had a Sunday off that I wasn't somewhere else, so that was REALLY nice.

My high school did a pretty big renovation project this summer. So, today they blessed the new area and had a "ribbon-cutting ceremony". I actually requested today off so I would be able to attend. My parents are hosting a high school student from Japan for five days, so she attended the event with my mom and me. It was neat to be able to give her a tour of the high school my sister and I attended (even though it actually looks quite a bit different since I graduated 10 years ago!). She also went to church with my parents this morning. My mom and sister took her to the mall. I went to one store with them, but then came home to rest for a little while (and watch some Olympics coverage). We had "family dinner" (mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, myself, and the student). We had chicken, corn on the cob, fried potatoes, and cucumbers which is pretty typical for our family :o) (No tuna casserole...we haven't had that in a while since it is too hot to heat up the oven!)

After dinner, I came home, found a nice place on the couch, and settled in to watch the Olympics. It is fun cheering on the athletes and to witness the American pride (the swimming events have been ESPECIALLY exciting to watch, and I always love women's gymnastics). Go Team USA!

Back to work tomorrow...but just for one day. I would LOVE to have my patients back from yesterday, but am not sure if I will be up at the crack of dawn to make sure that happens :o)

Good night.

Back in the Swing of Things

I posted this ten-minute video again because it didn't actually make it up there last night. I watched it again today, and it still gets me (I watched it at LEAST three times the past couple of days!). I am so blessed to have found what I believe God has called me to do...even if there are days of whining and complaining (yesterday's post being a little evidence of that!).

Today was a LOT slower than yesterday. I was pretty busy in the morning, but the afternoon kind of dragged by. I actually got off early (of COURSE that couldn't have happened when I had early dinner plans, but it was nice anyway!). I was able to spend time laughing and joking with my patients and their families which I didn't have time to do yesterday. I don't know who said "laughter is the best medicine", but would have to say there is a lot of truth in that statement. I am happy that today went better than yesterday. I needed that to kind of "redeem myself" after my first day back after vacation did not feel that great :o) I still have it! :o)

Of course, it wouldn't be work without some kind of drama. In this case, it was a discussion about some proposed changes. I was relating some of the issues to my mother and her response was "Why do people keep trying to change things all the time?" My thoughts exactly. I am planning to stay in this job for a LONG time. Those who are having these "great ideas" are already talking about moving on to something different. I have no idea where my manager stands on this topic. I guess I'll have to keep taking deep breaths and hope that the people who make the final decision can see the big picture and what these changes will do. Or, maybe it will turn out that I am "wrong" in my thoughts...so, I will try to be patient and calm, although it is not going to be easy!

Well, I have DEFINITELY enjoyed watching the first full night of prime time Olympic coverage. I LOVE the Olympics!! I'm looking forward to watching the women's gymnastics tomorrow night (I guess I picked a good day to be off!!)

Breaking a Deal

Today I finally had to go back to work. While I DEFINITELY enjoyed my 10 days off, I think it was time to go back. After having that much time off, I tend to be at LEAST a half step slower, which can be pretty frustruating. It also is hard to stay awake and moving for over 12 hours after being a "bump on a log" for most of 10 days!

I decided, though, that it would be MUCH easier to deal with these issues on my own unit, rather than also trying to work on another unit. Since I was at the hospital for a meeting yesterday, I knew that a nurse had to float to an adult neuro floor. Definitely not my idea of a fun day! When I checked to see who was working before I left home, I noticed that we probably had an extra nurse. Since I hadn't floated since May (when I took care of that sweet gentleman who died less than two days later), I figured it had to be getting close to my turn.

So, throughout my 1.2-mile commute and 5-minute walk to my floor, I was chanting "please don't let me float; not today, please not today". I said "tomorrow would be okay, just not today" (the thought being that I needed at LEAST one day to get back into the groove of things, PLUS I needed to see "my people"...I had missed them!). Then, I made a deal. Not sure who the deal was with, but I made one. I said "if I don't have to float today, then no matter what, today will be a good day". I was well-aware that if indeed I was allowed to stay on my floor, that deal would likely come back to haunt me. But, I decided to make it anyway because I REALLY did not want to work with adults today!

I ended up on my floor (yay), but ran my tail off ALL DAY LONG!! It actually was not very fun at all. I had to administer chemotherapy which always makes my anxiety level rise, especially since it had been a VERY long time since I had to do it. (Some people LOVE giving chemo, and we can do it on my floor, it just isn't done all the time because a lot of that kind of stuff is done outpatient now. I probably don't like doing it because it is time-consuming and unfamiliar, not because it is difficult or scary.) Thankfully, the charge nurse was "all over" helping me get everything set up. That was great! It was the child's first day of chemo, so there was an added level of stress since it was very new territory for the family. There also was a situation where the "higher ups" had kind of determined that a particular family needed the "highest standards". That was SUPER annoying to me, because EVERYONE should get the best care possible. While I understand why this is a "special situation", it did make my job a little more challenging. I always do my best to try and make the families feel as comfortable as I can in a difficult situation. I love treating the emotional needs as much as the physical. What made it even more frustruating was that it didn't come from the family! They are very nice, and appreciative of all I did for them, but I felt like I was being watched from above all day long. Even though I KNOW I do a good job, trying to do it while walking on eggshells is not enjoyable at all. Nothing like a little added stress on my first day back from vacation! My other two patients also were sort of neglected, which is sad to say, but it could have been because that patient was also my sickest.

So, needless to say, the deal was broken more than once. Of course, I used it as a joke when all heck was breaking loose (I definitely did NOT have the worst day of the nurses working today and the night looked like it could be quite interesting in a not-so-great way). Oh yeah, I said today was going to be a great day NO MATTER WHAT! I suppose it was great in a lot of ways, but not one of those "yay, today is a fun, I can hardly believe they pay me to do this, work day". I watched a couple videos yesterday that were really inspiring, so I tried to remind myself of those during the stressful, frustruating, and anxiety-filled times today. (If I can get it to work, I will post one of them here. I can't find the one that was shown at my "care for the care provider" meeting on Wednesday, but this one is good too.)

So, yes, I'm SO glad that I'm a nurse, but am happy that I am home about ready to go to bed! Back I go tomorrow...

Good night.




Laurie, I'm glad you can read the colors on this blog layout better...I never really realized that the "pink on pink" could be hard to read. I agree that this new look really fits my personality and I LOVE it!!

Isn't it PRETTY?!

So, the project "I" have been working on has been revealed. I couldn't be happier about how it turned out (except for the fact that I just don't take great pictures of myself...nothing you can do about that, though!). Nikki at Blogs for a Cause is FABULOUS to work with! I have no clue how to do this type of thing, and am very indecisive (but, luckily for her also not very picky!). As it was, she narrowed down my background ideas to five options and it STILL took me a long time to decide!

The picture of the baby from yesterday was AFTER I woke him up trying to get a "hands" picture (yep, those are his hands and mine!) My friend ended up being able to calm him down relatively quickly to snap a few pictures. Nikki took what I gave her and turned it into something BEAUTIFUL (I'll have to focus on that instead of the other picture of me when I log onto my blog!). She also was able to remove the evidence of my softball injury from the photo...I'm amazed that that is possible!

I guess maybe this will be my "journal" for today...my last day of vacation =o( Okay, so MAYBE I am ready to go back to work! I had a meeting this morning, but it was hardly productive since not many people showed up. It is pretty frustruating to spend that much time preparing to lead a meeting and then not being able to accomplish anything. I had my second home study, and I guess that pretty much means I am VERY close to being a licensed foster parent. That makes me nervous, but also excited to see what will happen. I will now get invited to foster parent events and activities, so that will be fun (I love hanging out with kids and talking to parents, so that will be PERFECT!). On Tuesday, they are having a picnic in the park, and there is a zoo date planned for September. Sounds like a great time to me!

Well, that's pretty much it. I'm feeling like a nap, but wonder what that would do to my trying to go to bed early/getting up early schedule, so will see if I can keep myself awake. My lawn could stand to be mowed, considering it has been over a week and I work the next two days, but I don't exactly feel like doing that!

Enjoy the new look...I know I do :o)

Still on Vacation

I had today off, but am not sure where exactly the day went! My sleep schedule is kind of off and I really need to start getting back to my work sleep schedule or Friday and Saturday are going to be ROUGH! Again I didn't get up until nearly 10, but I DID go work out. Come to find out that the sensors on the ab machine at Curves were off a little which explains why I feel like I did a million crunches (oh well, I suppose a little extra abdominal workout never hurt anyone!)

I asked my friend if she wanted to go to lunch, so I could borrow the baby for a picture (not this one...that one is part of the "details" I needed to have for the project I hinted at yesterday). I ALSO hadn't seen her in a while. Her girls went back home last week so they could start getting ready for school. He slept until I started messing with him to take the picture. This is when he was starting to wake up and not quite sure what was going on. He is getting SO big! (I HAD to buy an outfit for him when I was at Kohl's yesterday and went for an 18-month since he has nearly outgrown 12-month stuff already!) We ended up having a 2 hour lunch (gotta love Chatty Cathy's!), so that shortened the amount of time I was at home today.

I had to go to the doctor to have them fill out a medical release for my foster parent application. Of COURSE they couldn't use my physical from June so I had to pay another co-pay...oh well. I still have quite a few things to fill out before my appointment tomorrow afternoon (I also have to clean my house again...somehow everything exploded everywhere between last Tuesday when she left and today!)

I went to a dinner meeting this evening with a speaker. He talked about compassion fatigue, burnout, and taking care of yourself when you are a care provider. It was really interesting, and I was happy to know that I currently have a pretty good system in place to protect myself from burnout (although I will probably ALWAYS be at risk for "compassion fatigue"!).

I talked to one of my friends on the phone for the first time in a LONG time which was great! I am making plans to go visit her in October around my birthday.

Well, I have to lead my monthly meeting in the morning. We will probably end up having some heated discussions, so I should probably rest up for that!

Good night.

Relaxing Day, Rough Night

I didn't get up until 1000, which was SO nice (I guess sleeping in my own bed by myself WAS as good as I hoped!). I went and worked out, which was kind of rough considering I hadn't been in a week (even though I did quite a bit of walking and did a little swimming while on vacation). I spent the majority of the day working on a little project that will be revealed sometime in the next few days (after I finish doing some of the details). I'm VERY excited, even though it isn't REALLY that big of a deal to most people!

I ran a couple of errands, trying to find a bookcase for my office. I have an idea in mind and didn't find what I was looking for, so guess I will try again tomorrow. I have to get some paperwork filled out by my doctor for my home study. I thought I could do it without an appointment, but no such luck, so I have to go tomorrow afternoon. I have some more paperwork to do before my visit on Thursday. I am going to have to answer some tough questions, and need to make some phone calls before then as well.

My softball team did not do well tonight. This is the third time we have played this team, and we never scored a run (I think my dad said we lost 48-0 to them...argh!). I am the catcher, and love playing there. However, tonight I had a pretty rough time. There was a play at the plate and the ball got there at the same time as the runner. I had the ball for a second, but it fell out when I got plowed over (I considered taking photos of my "war wounds", but decided that it probably wouldn't be nice to do that to my faithful readers!). I think that would have been the third out that inning, and they proceded to score what seemed like a million runs after that. It was VERY frustruating! (AND my elbow was bleeding AND my head felt like it got shaken up) In the next inning, a ball bounced off the plate and hit me in the chin (no helmets in slow-pitch). I'm sure THAT helped my head issues. There was at least one other potential "play at the plate", but I think everyone was a little nervous about another collision. So, we lost, and they aren't a very fun team to play. One of my cousins is having surgery this week, so today was her last game, but we did take "team photos"...overall it has been a fun season, but tonight was rough.

I sat outside with my parents after the game for a while. I tried telling my mom the story I posted last night about welcoming the woman to the reunion. I was REALLY glad that I got THREE comments on that post (Thanks SO much! You ladies are FABULOUS!) because the reception I received from my mom was not like that at all. I'm not sure if I didn't tell the story very well or what the deal was. For whatever reason, she turned the story in a way that somehow justified why SHE wasn't the first one...my point of the story wasn't to say that someone else could have or should have been THAT person, but that it was really neat that the person was ME! Anyway, it was really weird, so I'm guessing she must have misunderstood the significance of my story. At least I have the memory in writing that shows how much that moment meant to me!

Alright, I did take a bath to try and soothe all my aching muscles, and took some pain medication. My head does not feel that great, but the fact that it is after midnight probably doesn't help matters any. So, I really should go to bed. Good night.

There's Nothing Like...

sleeping in your own bed (especially when you don't have to make sure no critters crawled in during the day before you get into it!). We left around 6:30 this morning, which is VERY early for our family! We stopped for lunch, dinner, gas, and a few bathroom breaks, but I was home before 10:00. I slept in the car, so will probably end up having trouble falling asleep (or, maybe not...it was quite a weekend!). I posted pretty quickly yesterday from the pool, but was happy to see that I didn't write anything too crazy and the pictures I chose were okay (there was a sun glare and I was running out of battery, so I went kind of fast!). Since I posted pictures along the way, I probably will not make a slide show, but did pick out some other photos to round out the vacation posts.

My sister is SO "animated" (I always look stupid when I try to make funny faces!). She LOVES burnt marshmallows...and had a mouth-full when we decided to take a picture.

Nothing like a campfire when it is still close to 90 degrees and humid even when the sun is down.

Me and my mom and "second mom"

This is the wife of the son of my grandma's cousin (he is in the background). I believe only about three of the thirty or so people who were there had ever met her. I felt pretty bad for her because, even though we are a really nice family, being at a gathering with THAT many people who know each other but not you is sure to be intimidating, even if you have an outgoing personality. I can't imagine what kinds of thoughts were going through her mind as she traveled to this event! I ended up talking to her quite a bit since we are both nurses, so had that in common (along with all the commonalities that go along with people who choose nursing as a profession!) Last night, when we were all starting to say our good-byes, she shared something with me that touched my heart. She said "you were the first person who came to talk to me when I got here". I was the first person to introduce myself, the first person to welcome her to our family gathering, the first face that had a name. Wow! That is the kind of person I want to be--the kind of person who can help someone feel comfortable in a situation that is anything but that. However, it is one thing to think that's who I am, or who I WANT to be, and another to find out I did it without even thinking about it. Of course, there were other times this trip that I was rather impatient and probably unkind, but in that moment, that moment that mattered to HER, I did what "came natural". And that one tiny gesture made a difference in her experience. She knew that at least one person was happy she was there (of course ALL of us were glad she came, but she didn't know that!). There were a LOT of great things that happened on this vacation, but this has to be up there on the "highlights" list for me :o)

Good-bye to Cabin Six...it was fun, but I'm ready to go home!

So, good night from home. I have tomorrow off, but think I have quite a "to do" list!

A Little Competition

Today we finally had the softball game we have been talking about for what seems like FOREVER! After postponing it a few times, I wasn't sure we were going to actually do it, but I'm SO glad we did! My family is pretty darn competitive and ALL athletic...it was AWESOME!! My aunts all used to play softball and thought they were "old" now, but they still had their skills. We ended up in a tie, so it was PERFECT! I'm SO excited this worked out.




We had about 20 of us at church this morning which pretty much doubled the number of regular parishioners. It was GREAT! The Gospel reading was about the miracle of five loaves and two fish which was SO fitting considering we have been cooking for thirty the past few days (our food has seemed to multiply too...who is working the miracles here?!).


My family is on schedule for tonight's dinner, so I had better go see what I can do to help. Back home to "reality" tomorrow...we are planning to drive straight through (I'm thinking I will sleep since I don't have to read the map this time!).

So long from the wilderness.