Today I finally had to go back to work. While I DEFINITELY enjoyed my 10 days off, I think it was time to go back. After having that much time off, I tend to be at LEAST a half step slower, which can be pretty frustruating. It also is hard to stay awake and moving for over 12 hours after being a "bump on a log" for most of 10 days!
I decided, though, that it would be MUCH easier to deal with these issues on my own unit, rather than also trying to work on another unit. Since I was at the hospital for a meeting yesterday, I knew that a nurse had to float to an adult neuro floor. Definitely not my idea of a fun day! When I checked to see who was working before I left home, I noticed that we probably had an extra nurse. Since I hadn't floated since May (when I took care of that sweet gentleman who died less than two days later), I figured it had to be getting close to my turn.
So, throughout my 1.2-mile commute and 5-minute walk to my floor, I was chanting "please don't let me float; not today, please not today". I said "tomorrow would be okay, just not today" (the thought being that I needed at LEAST one day to get back into the groove of things, PLUS I needed to see "my people"...I had missed them!). Then, I made a deal. Not sure who the deal was with, but I made one. I said "if I don't have to float today, then no matter what, today will be a good day". I was well-aware that if indeed I was allowed to stay on my floor, that deal would likely come back to haunt me. But, I decided to make it anyway because I REALLY did not want to work with adults today!
I ended up on my floor (yay), but ran my tail off ALL DAY LONG!! It actually was not very fun at all. I had to administer chemotherapy which always makes my anxiety level rise, especially since it had been a VERY long time since I had to do it. (Some people LOVE giving chemo, and we can do it on my floor, it just isn't done all the time because a lot of that kind of stuff is done outpatient now. I probably don't like doing it because it is time-consuming and unfamiliar, not because it is difficult or scary.) Thankfully, the charge nurse was "all over" helping me get everything set up. That was great! It was the child's first day of chemo, so there was an added level of stress since it was very new territory for the family. There also was a situation where the "higher ups" had kind of determined that a particular family needed the "highest standards". That was SUPER annoying to me, because EVERYONE should get the best care possible. While I understand why this is a "special situation", it did make my job a little more challenging. I always do my best to try and make the families feel as comfortable as I can in a difficult situation. I love treating the emotional needs as much as the physical. What made it even more frustruating was that it didn't come from the family! They are very nice, and appreciative of all I did for them, but I felt like I was being watched from above all day long. Even though I KNOW I do a good job, trying to do it while walking on eggshells is not enjoyable at all. Nothing like a little added stress on my first day back from vacation! My other two patients also were sort of neglected, which is sad to say, but it could have been because that patient was also my sickest.
So, needless to say, the deal was broken more than once. Of course, I used it as a joke when all heck was breaking loose (I definitely did NOT have the worst day of the nurses working today and the night looked like it could be quite interesting in a not-so-great way). Oh yeah, I said today was going to be a great day NO MATTER WHAT! I suppose it was great in a lot of ways, but not one of those "yay, today is a fun, I can hardly believe they pay me to do this, work day". I watched a couple videos yesterday that were really inspiring, so I tried to remind myself of those during the stressful, frustruating, and anxiety-filled times today. (If I can get it to work, I will post one of them here. I can't find the one that was shown at my "care for the care provider" meeting on Wednesday, but this one is good too.)
So, yes, I'm SO glad that I'm a nurse, but am happy that I am home about ready to go to bed! Back I go tomorrow...
Good night.
Laurie, I'm glad you can read the colors on this blog layout better...I never really realized that the "pink on pink" could be hard to read. I agree that this new look really fits my personality and I LOVE it!!
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