This week was pretty challenging for me. Actually, when I look back on my journal entries here, it seems I have been sad for a couple of weeks. So, I'm wondering if I have a mild case of the "winter blues" in the midst of the stressors of work, family, finances... I have been doing a little reading and it seems that the "cure" for those type of blues is getting some light. The weather here is supposed to be a bit more mild the next few days, so I'll have to make sure to get outside(although the forecast is promising clouds and rain, it HAS to be better than being inside!)! In the meantime, I'll just continue with my own "therapy" and hope that that works (I may also be having some hormonal type issues as well, so time will "heal" that problem!)
Today, I was able to attend the funeral for a former patient. I am SO glad that it worked out for me to go. I followed another patient's mother as we drove the 60 miles to the church while I listened to my Christmas music. The parents were appreciative that we were able to come, and I felt like I was a representative of the people that either could not drive that far, did not have the day off, or just can't "do" funerals. It was a very nice service and a wonderful slide show of her short, but happy and blessed life. God definitely knew what he was doing when he placed her with such loving parents who opened their doors and hearts to her. She touched a lot of lives during her short time here, and now she is free of pain and sickness. I drove home alone through the beautiful countryside still snow-covered, reflecting on life, death, work, family, lots of things. I was reminded about how wonderful it is to have faith that there is a MUCH better place than this life. I do not know how people who do not believe can survive such tragedies as the loss of a child. I can't begin to imagine.
I went to church tonight, since I am working tomorrow. After that, I called a friend I haven't spoken to for a long time and we had a nice visit. Then, I started flipping through a couple of books I purchased at the retreat I attended in November. One of them is called Let Me Sow Love. I just decided to "open" the book and see what was there. I "happened" to be in the chapter titled "Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon...doubt, faith...despair, hope...darkness, light...sadness, joy..." The actual page I turned to had the heading "Some sadness is normal and inevitable" followed by a scripture passage from Job--For misery does not come from the earth, nor does trouble sprout from the ground; but human beings are born to trouble just as sparks fly upward ~Job 5:6-7. This is followed by a nice reflection on responses to sadness. This part "spoke" to me in relation to "sowing joy"--"We don't sow joy by denying sadness. Joy comes not by racing around or bypassing sadness, but walking through sadness. Without the experience of sadness, our joy will be shallow."
I shall close this journal entry with the "Peace Prayer" of St. Francis of Assisi in its entirety. Back to work tomorrow. I must remember that it is my job to bring joy and comfort to those who are sad and hurting. I need to try and leave my "issues" at home, and so that is my prayer for tonight.
"A Simple Prayer"
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For is is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born
to eternal life.
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