God's Timing

Last night, I wrote this: "Earlier, I was getting a little upset about a certain situation. I feel a little better about it now, but am not sure if I "solved" anything...maybe that's not the kind of "issue" it was! In any case, I'm praying that God helps me out if I have a decision to make..."

Help me He did...in "perfect" timing. Even though today was really rough emotionally, and did not go exactly as planned, I could definitely see God at work, and that makes SUCH a difference.

The meeting I led this morning went well. We had a VERY small group, so I think that helped. There are some really exciting changes in the works in regards to the way the transplant team and nursing/patients/families communicate. I think it could make a HUGE difference and improve job satisfaction as well as patient/family satisfaction. I received some positive feedback on my first meeting, so that was nice :o)

The "issue" I was having yesterday/last night involved feeling "torn" between an "old friend" and a new acquaintance who became a "fast friend". Both of them have sons in the PICU, and I want to be there for both of them, but didn't have a clue how I was going to split myself, or how that was going to work. I felt really silly getting worried about that yesterday, which is why I didn't type out all the details, even though it was making me pretty upset. Now I am glad I just "gave it to God" because He really did work out all the details!

After my meeting, I decided to go visit my friend and her son first. He is feeling a LOT better and that is SO great (and makes my friend feel a lot better too!). We had a nice visit, and then ended up playing a game of "Chutes and Ladders" (he is six). I was there about an hour when my friend decided she was hungry. I was too, but decided to check on the other mom while I was still in the hospital. I called her cell phone, but got voice mail, so I left a message and decided that I would just go to lunch with my friend at the hospital, in case the other woman called me back (I didn't REALLY have any plans anyway, right?!).

We got as far as the elevators when my phone rang. It was the other mom and she was really upset and crying. Things were not going well. I apologized to my friend for leaving her alone for lunch, but she assured me that she was okay. So, I went and visited her and her baby. Basically, his organs are all shutting down, so the doctors said that if he doesn't get a transplant within the next day or two, he will no longer be a transplant candidate. Obviously, this is not the news she wanted to hear. I think I spent nearly two hours talking to her about all sorts of stuff (she didn't really want to cry around him, because she doesn't want him to "give up", but that obviously was pretty difficult, but I tried to "distract" her...). We decided that we were both hungry, but the cafeteria wasn't serving lunch anymore. So, she and I went out for Chinese, stopped by my church to light some votive candles and say some prayers, and I took her to the bank to cash a money order. I think it was good for her to get out of the hospital, and it was nice to be able to offer that ("nice timing" to have the day off!).

As it turned out, I had called her cell phone at "12:12", and she called me at "12:15" from a different number, and didn't even know that I had called. She was waiting until I was done with my meeting, but her waiting allowed me to spend time with my friend and her son, so I didn't have that "torn" feeling (the issue that was making me crazy yesterday). God's timing was perfect! So, I was able to spend time with BOTH moms and didn't have to make any "decisions"! The fact that SHE called me (I know, "technically", I called her first, but she had no idea!) makes me feel better about the whole situation too. I have a caring heart, and like helping people, but wouldn't want anyone to feel awkward about it, or feel like I was "pushing" myself on them. It has been less than a week since we first met each other, so from the outside it seems kind of crazy that we have "a relationship", but I definitely think it is a "God thing". So far, the timing of everything seems perfect...maybe God's plan involves getting him new organs in perfect time...or maybe not...time will tell, but for now she is spending all the time she can with her precious baby, and reminding me not to take any moment for granted.

When I got home, I only had an hour before my foster parent class. I decided to check out some of my blogs, read some emails, try and "chill" for a little while since I hadn't been home all day. One of the blogs I read had some "perfect", but really emotional words about trusting God, even when we don't understand. Of COURSE I was bawling by this point (I had tried not to do that earlier). Then, she posted this at the end--"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 I was a total mess. So, I decided to get to class a little early to talk to the instructor. I knew that random crying during class was more than a possibility, it was a sure thing.

And what was the topic of today's session? Yep, it was "Grief and Loss"...You have GOT to be kidding me! Oh, God's timing... I tried not to make a scene, and got most of my crying out of the way before class began. The people right around me knew what my day was like, and talking about it helped some. Two sessions in a row I didn't do my reading or homework...I have a lot to do before Tuesday!

After work, I stopped by mom and dad's because my cousin got a softball shirt for my dad. My mom wasn't home when I got there, and I was hoping to "sneak away" before she did, because I didn't really want to talk about today. Of course, that didn't work out. I was ALMOST out the door when it all came spilling out...argh! I SO wish I would have just come home and journalled instead of sharing any of this with my mom, because she didn't appreciate being "involved", and was pretty close to giving me some kind of "warning", but I left before she said too much.

It's nearly 11:00, and I'm VERY tired. I cooked dinner, and have plenty to bring to my new friend tomorrow for lunch (my other friend has her family here now). Good night.