Where did it go?

Well, at least I can document what happened to at least ONE of my days off! It does not feel like I get four days off a week, but hard to explain what happens to them all! (At least I have this journal so I can go back and see how I have spent my days...of course SOME of them are spent doing absolutely nothing when I could have been productive, but a lot of them are like today!).

I did sleep in (so, that's where PARTS of all my days off go...to sleep!) before going to Curves. I got there around 10:00, so I didn't sleep THAT late. One of the ladies I am friends with was there at the same time as me. We hadn't "chatted" in a couple weeks, so she wanted to know if I wanted to get a drink after we were done working out (Diet Coke for her, coffee for me...no alcohol in the morning!). I hesitated because I had a lot of stuff I wanted to do, but she said "just fifteen minutes". I laughed and said "do you REALLY think we could limit our chatting to fifteen minutes?!" But, I set the alarm on my phone and we did it...and it was fun to catch up.

I had to stop by the grocery store on the way home to get a few things for the dinner I was cooking. So, it was after 11:30 when I made it back home. I had a class at the hospital from 1-3:30 and wanted to drop something off before that, so was planning to leave by 12:30. Of COURSE that didn't happen once I showered, ate some cereal, and did a few things on the computer (gotta take time to check the blogs and emails!).

I had my class until 3:30 then had to walk a couple blocks to the College of Nursing so I could drop off the evaluation I had to do on my student. It was about 4:00 when I got home. Since I had "thrown out" 5:00 as a good time to pick up my friend to go shopping/have dinner, I didn't have a whole lot of time to do much. I did send an email to my boss about an issue (which took about fifteen minutes since I wanted to make sure it sounded okay). I put the chicken in a marinate. I made the dressing for my mom's oriental salad recipe. I cleared off and set the table, and made some juice. By then, it was time to pick up my friend.

We went to my favorite place to buy clothes, and I was happy that she was able to find some items that worked for her. They are having a "big sale" on Sunday, so we put most of it on hold until then. It was nearly 7:00 when we got back to my house. Luckily, the menu I had selected didn't take very long to make, so we started eating our salads before 7:30 :o) I think I got her back to the hospital around 8:30/8:45. I had to get her back to her baby! She is encouraged by the progress he is making, but it is a slow process and she knows they are going to be here for a while.

I stopped by mom and dad's on my way home from the hospital since my mom is going to pick up our stuff at Fashion Bug on Sunday and I had to bring her the coupon and my credit card. I was going to leave quickly, but they hadn't eaten dinner yet, so I stayed for a glass of wine and some visiting. It was after 9:30 by the time I left.

So, I've been home for a little over 2 hours since then and checked my email, watched "Medium", and started typing this. Now that it is nearly midnight, I don't feel like doing my foster parent homework, even though it is due tomorrow.

So, I start all over tomorrow...this is SO crazy to be this busy WHEN I DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS (or a boyfriend or a husband or any nieces or nephews)! I should start a "to do" list for tomorrow...definitely need to do my homework, really need to mow, probably should run since the race is in five days, want to return a phone call from a good friend who called me maybe Saturday...that sounds like enough :o) Oh, we are having a pot luck as part of the last foster parent class and I haven't decided what I am going to bring, so I'll probably have to go to the grocery store sometime too.

I'm tired already just thinking about tomorrow! Oh well, at least I have a nice cozy bed waiting for me (I turned the heat on so my friend wouldn't freeze, but I turned it back off so it is starting to get cool again!). And, at least I am blessed to be able to do all those things! Having days off in the middle of the week is really nice :o) Good night!

Fun with the Fam

Today was a family day. I have such a wonderfully fabulous family that I often forget that other people don't have that. Not that I really take them for granted, but it would seem SO strange to me not to talk to my parents regularly, or not know my cousins or aunts and uncles. There are lots of questions about family in my foster parent paperwork. I am sure those questions were good reminders of how truly blessed I am to have been placed in a family that loves and cares for each other (AND like to "hang out" with each other!).

I slept in which was very nice (of course, the fact that it was COLD outside my bed made me want to stay in it all day!). I went to church and then to mom and dad's. My dad cooked me French Toast and made me a fresh pot of coffee. SO nice!! Then my mom and I went to my aunt and uncle's house. My aunt hemmed five pairs of my pants (being five feet tall, I usually just walk on the bottoms, but she offered and I accepted!). She also let me have some of her vegetable beef soup (I know, I shouldn't have been hungry, but I ate anyway!). Then, we all went to watch my fourteen-year-old cousin play soccer (one of her older sisters, my aunt, uncle, mom, and me). They lost and it was chilly, but it was fun to see her out there on the field. I was home long enough to load and start the dishwasher, but that's about it before I headed back to mom and dad's. My sister was there making banana bread--yum! My dad made tuna casserole (my brother-in-law's FAVORITE meal, so we have that for "family dinner" quite often). My mom made her "special dressing" for all of our favorite cabbage salad. My dad also made Jell-O (I think it is funny that he makes Jell-O!). The five of us had a lovely dinner and conversation :o) After everyone else went their separate ways, mom and I had our own little "chat". She is struggling with some family stuff with her siblings and is needing time to work through them. Talking about it helps, and she is more than willing to listen to me whenever I have stuff to say, so it was nice to be able to "be there" for her too :o)

I talked to the baby's mom when I got home. I thought that they took him off dialysis yesterday, but they are just seeing if they can do less of it. I'm not sure if enough time has passed to see if he will tolerate that. He was having some blood pressure issues while we were on the phone, so I guess in "media terms" he would still be considered "critical". Tomorrow I'm going to take her to my favorite clothing store (Fashion Bug) to get some new shirts. I'm also going to cook us dinner again. Those plans are, of course, tentative until we know how he is doing tomorrow afternoon...transplant life is day to day (or hour to hour, or minute to minute...I suppose that's really no different than the life of anyone else...).

So, my bed is calling me (even though it isn't nearly as chilly in my house tonight as it was last night). Good night!

Chilling Out

Work was good today, even though it was my student's last day. She is excited to graduate, but sad to leave my floor. She is going to be an AWESOME nurse!

Today they made some small, but very important "baby steps" with "the baby" today. I hope he tolerates them! One thing they did was take him off dialysis...so, tonight we are especially "praying for pee" :o) (I'm thinking I've actually prayed for that before for at least one other patient of mine!).

The temperature here has been SO crazy! It was pretty warm earlier this week, but yesterday and today it has dipped to the 30s and 40s! I don't really want to turn on my heat if it is going to get warm again, so my house is pretty chilly! So, since I got home from work, I literally have been "chilling out"! I read my blogs, checked my email, ate some frozen pizza rolls (made in the microwave...not so good, but it was food!), and watched "The Wedding Singer" on VH1. I also made myself a chocolate shake which didn't help the "chill factor", but it was yummy. I almost fell asleep on the couch, but decided my warm bed would be more comfortable (and that I should type a little bit before going to bed!).

So, I'm going to grab an extra blanket and head to bed. I have the next three days off, but have some paperwork I need to get done before Tuesday, so will have to try and limit my "chilling out" to AFTER I get my stuff done!

Good night!

Big People

Today I was sent to the land of big people in need of cardiac care...two things I know VERY little about health care wise. (I ran into a doctor I know in the elevator and he said "well, you have a heart and that's what matters!" I'm not sure about that!) Fortunately for me, the student who has been with me for the past few weeks is absolutely amazing! She agreed to come with me on my "float" (to get the "full experience" she said) and took two of our three patients. I'm pretty sure she did better than I would have, and I'm definitely sure there would have been some tears from me had I been there alone! It is just SO different being on a different unit, and then taking care of patients who have problems VERY different than the patients I am used to dealing with and doubling their size...I was feeling a BIT overwhelmed! However, I have to give props to the nurse who figured out the assignment because our patients were very appropriate considering they didn't have much of a choice in the whole age/cardiac issue. We had a woman in her 60s who had part of her lung removed and two chest tubes, and a man in his 70s who has congestive heart failure...SO not little ones with liver or GI problems! Our other patient was in her 20s which isn't REALLY out of range for my area and her issue was more what I am used to dealing with, although usually on a smaller person. Everything went well, and hopefully it will not be my turn to float again for a while (and, once October hits, the only place I will have to float is the PICU since I will have been there for five years).

Tomorrow is my student's last day...I'm going to miss her (and not just because she did most of my work for the past few weeks!). She is going to be working in a PICU at a different hospital and will be GREAT! I'll be getting another student this summer...I have had three VERY good ones, so I hope I'm not due for a not-as-good one!

Early on in the day I decided I would like to go out for a drink. So, I emailed the baby's mom and told her I wanted to go out after work...would she come with me?! Of course, she was up for it and we had a yummy dinner out, and good conversation as always (I even got her to have a drink with me!). She is a LOT of fun...I wish her baby wasn't so sick, but that is the situation right now and there is nothing we can do but pray. His kidneys still don't really want to work and that affects pretty much everything else--his breathing, his blood pressure, his nutritional status to name a few. As his mom wrote on her care page--"(His) progress is slow but that's ok. I am here for him and if it takes him a while then that's what it takes...Remember, there is a time and place for prayer...anytime and anyplace." I'm glad she is my friend...what a blessing!

Tomorrow I'll be back to the "land of the little people". I did have an opportunity to get the day off, but then I'd miss my student's last day (and she's bringing CUPCAKES!). Plus, I'd rather "save" that unexpected day off for a time I REALLY need the day off!

Good night!

Early Morning Ring

So, I was sleeping like a ROCK when my phone rang at 5:15 AM. I don't have caller ID, but even if I did, that wouldn't have helped me decide whether or not to answer. It was the hospital, and a 5:15 in the morning call POTENTIALLY could be something not very good. Even though my hospital friends have my cell phone number, if something crazy was happening, they probably would call the first number on my list. So, I had to answer. The question on the other end of the line was if I would want to work on an adult cardiac floor today (for an extra $15/hr). Um, let me think about that, NO WAY!

It took me what felt like FOREVER to get back to sleep. I suppose maybe the adreneline of not knowing exactly what I would be hearing on that other end of the phone probably didn't help matters. I kept my alarm for 8:30, even though that ended up not being very long after I fell back asleep. I "snoozed" until I received a text message at 9:30 and decided I'd better get up since I spent the past two mornings in bed (yesterday morning I received quite a few phone calls/text messages before I was ready to get up too!).

I did go work out at Curves. I'm glad I went running yesterday because it was kind of rainy on and off today and so a bit on the humid side. I pretty much got to "lounge around" today which was GREAT! I got three homework assignments and a load of laundry done. I'm a little surprised I didn't take a nap, but I was waiting to hear from my friend to see if she was going to stop by on her way out of town. Her son had a clinic appointment at 2 and then they should have been "released" to leave. I never heard from her, so am not sure what that means (probably they went home and she was just ready to go, and I'll just see her and talk to her another time!).

Tonight was my second-to-last foster parent class. We were in a different room, so we had a little different seating arrangement. So, I ended up sitting closer to some of the other "normal" people. I'm afraid I was probably a bit rude today because the people around me kept making me laugh because of this one girl who just says the craziest (and sometimes rather inappropriate) things. I just couldn't help myself! It was nice to finally meet those nice couples (too bad it is at the end of class!). Tuesday is our last class and we will be having a pot luck...now THAT should be interesting!

I talked to the baby's mom (aka "my new friend") a couple times today. It seems they tried to do a lot of different things yesterday and he wasn't having it. So, they took a couple steps back, and ran a few more tests today. He's still a pretty sick little guy. There are a lot of things that could happen, but she is making plans to go home the first week in June to take care of some business (she and her husband will switch places), and bring her girls back with her for a few weeks. I am praying that he continues to make progress in the right direction, and is a lot more stable by then. I think she will feel better about leaving, even though she is looking forward to seeing her other little ones. I am working the next two days, but then have three more days off (besides having classes), so we will probably find something fun/"normal" to do :o)

It is not even 10:00 yet, but I'm thinking I'll head to bed (a little extra sleep never hurt anyone, right?!). Good night. P.S. Laurie, yes, that picture of "my little A team girl" was GREAT. All I could say was "WOW!" She looks SO happy! I am SO happy for them!

Enjoying the Outdoors

I finally got out of bed about 11:30 again today...that late night stuff just does NOT work for me (and, I know that, so only volunteered to work late on Monday because I knew I would be able to catch up on my sleep during my three days off!).

I went running, but realized that I probably have not been going as far as I thought I was (the little "mile markers" on the trail are in kilometers, not miles). I ran for 45 minutes, so less than four miles, but I really do think I'll be okay on "race day" because it wasn't really my body that made me want to stop as much as being thirsty (which won't be as much as a problem during the race since there will be a couple water stations!). It was very nice outside, but I'm glad I went at noon instead of later since I believe the temperatures reached the 70s.

My cousin had softball games at 5 and 7, so I went with my aunt, uncle, and two other cousins. She didn't get to play at all, but it was still fun (seeing her play would have been great, but we kind of knew she probably wouldn't get off the bench). It was nice to get some fresh air, and spend time with family.

That pretty much was my day (being really productive when you hardly see the morning is a bit of a challenge!). I'm thinking I'll do a little reading before I go to sleep so tomorrow I just have the homework to do. My friend text messaged me this morning that she and her son will be going home tomorrow, so hopefully I will get to see them before they leave. I didn't get any updates on the baby today, but I'm thinking no news is good news, or no change news, because I'm pretty sure his mom would call me about anything else. The baby I wrote about who was injured by her baby sitter ended up getting out of rehab today and going home. That is great news!

With all that fresh air, I'm sure to sleep well (although, as I have written before...sleep is hardly ever a problem for me!). Good night.

I can't believe...

...that I missed writing about my 200th post!! If my addition/subtraction is correct, my 200th post was actually on Sunday, when I wrote about "cleaning and cooking". I'm sorry I missed that "milestone", but glad I'm only two days late! I started this blog on May 22, and wrote my 100th post on December 31, so I've been writing quite a bit more in 2008. I can hardly believe it has been (exactly!) eleven months since I "took the plunge" and started journaling online! Recently, I have been looking back and reading past posts and it is interesting to see what kinds of things I was thinking about on a particular day. Even though this is still pretty much a "private journal" with not even a handful of "readers", I definitely believe it is serving its purpose for me, as a place to write about whatever is on my mind.

...that I actually realized that today was my "half birthday"! (That used to be kind of a big deal, being able to add that "half a year" to your age...I kind of still like that, and it is fun when I remember to celebrate my half birthday!) I didn't get out of bed until 11:30 (that whole staying up really late thing doesn't work very well for me!). My sister had called yesterday to invite me to lunch with her and my mom, so I met them at a Thai restaurant at noon. We had a nice visit (somehow after we got done eating, I figured out that it was April 22...my half birthday!). They went to the mall, but I had to come home and do some work.

...that when I was leaving the hospital today after my meeting, I overheard someone trying to help a lost visitor. This is not uncommon, as my hospital is HUGE with lots of different buildings. I offered to help this girl find her way. She was going to the fourth floor which is the women and infants floor. I asked if she was visiting a baby. She told me she was from an organization called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" . Oh how I am familiar with that with all these blogs I read (coincidence, I think not!)! I told her how much of a blessing she will be to that family (it was twins). She said something like "I hope I don't cry". I told her that I was a pediatric nurse and that it would be okay to cry. This was going to be her first time alone, and apparently the person she shadowed did not get emotional. She and her husband have been trying to have a baby for a while, so she was worried that her emotions would take over seeing a family lose their babies. I said I would pray for her, and I hope it went well for her. I am also praying for the family who could be grieving the loss of two babies tonight. What a great organization, what a great person, what GREAT timing!

...I only have two foster parent classes left. I am pretty much thinking that I do not feel quite ready to be a foster mom. We have discussed SO many challenging aspects of the process and I just don't know if I would be able to handle it. But then, I am reminded why I decided to do it in the first place...to be ready "just in case", to have that license so I don't have to say "I can't" if there is a child that is "supposed" to be in my home. I will probably start out doing respite care or something like that, but basically it is all up to God! I suppose time will tell.

I'm not sure about these three committees I am on at work...two of them are quite a bit more work than I was anticipating and it has only just begun. It could be a LONG year! Maybe it will be better once my foster parent classes are over. Even though I am glad I decided to take them, the added stress of getting all that reading, homework, and paperwork done is not very fun. I had a meeting for one of the committees today. I'm REALLY excited about what the committee is all about, and it has GREAT goals, but it is going to involve me getting input from the other nurses on my unit. I feel like I am more respected by the parents and families than by my co-workers, so this committee work is taking me out of my comfort zone. Not to say that there is anything wrong with that, because it is good to take on challenges, but it does make me nervous. My body unfortunately does not allow me to hide anxiety or nerves very well and I get hives even when I try very hard to remain "cool and collected"...maybe this will improve with all of this public speaking/leadership role thing.

Well, it's after 11:00 and I should probably try and get back into some kind of regular sleeping schedule. So, Good night!

Second Wind

First of all, Marcie and Laurie, I got that asparagus recipe from allrecipes.com. I hope you and your families enjoy it...my friend and I did (but we were hungry and neither of us are "cooks"!). You'll have to let me know!

So, I was VERY annoyed this morning at work (and, I'm a bit ashamed to admit I said a few "choice words" that were not really necessary...). Of course, I got to work a bit later than the others, so my assignment was chosen for me. Now, I know that I have said that I have been willing to "go with it" because whatever happens is how it is supposed to be (I only have a couple patients that I'd put up a fight for). HOWEVER, it was REALLY unfair that my student and I ended up starting the day with one patient, meaning we could potentially take multiple admissions/transfers. I gave myself nearly an hour of complaining, but then pulled myself together :o) My student actually does most all of the work, so I probably shouldn't have complained to begin with, but some nurses just don't care about how anyone else's day will be and that is frustruating. Anyway, my student and I transferred a kid up from the PICU around 9:30 (we then sent her home at 4:30...she was a SUPER CUTE one-year-old with bright red hair and very nice parents, or that would have been EXTRA annoying!). We sent our other patient home at 1:30, and got an admission at 4:15. SO, it could have been a LOT worse because our busy times were spread out (and, again SHE was the one doing all the work!). I'm still a little annoyed at the way things happened, but the same kind of thing happened on the night shift, so I'm not alone in my frustruation :o)

The night shift was short a nurse, so they were looking for someone to come work extra (for an extra $10/hr). One nurse said she could come at 11:00, but no one else said yes. I decided (very early on in the day...before things really got going!) that I could stay until 11. Since I ended the first part of the shift with one patient, I picked up two more (so I wouldn't have to take another admission!). I probably haven't worked that part of the day (7-11) in nearly a year and it was CRAZY! I'm not even sure what kept me so busy, but I didn't even start the paperwork part of my job until after I had already handed my patients off to the next nurse. So, I clocked out a little after midnight...what a long day! However, I must have gotten a "second wind" because I don't feel "really tired" now and it is nearly 1:30 (my alarm went off 20 hours ago!). I'm thinking that I probably won't make it to work out tomorrow...my sister invited me to lunch with her and my mom. That would be fun, but I DO keep thinking about how far behind I am on my homework and reading for class. I also have some "chairperson" duties to do for my unit committee (like, approve the minutes from our last meeting and prepare for the next one!). I'll probably end up going because they are having Thai food and I like that a lot :o)

My friend's son got discharged today, but I never talked to her to find out what "the plan" is. The baby ended up going back into surgery today (to "fix a leak"). His mom called me a couple times to give me updates and she said it went well (leak seems to be fixed and they were able to move the organs around a little bit to take some of the pressure off his lungs...apparently the organs were from a four-year-old, so they were a little "squished" in his six-month-old body...). Everyone seems pleased with his progress, and they feel very blessed that he is still here with them. I am praying that he continues to do better each day. He remains critical, but the "hope" and "faith" is there and that makes a HUGE difference. I ended up asking her to bring me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and at 1000 at night, it tasted just as good as our "four course" meal from last night! (I think PB & J is ALWAYS better when someone else makes it, especially a MOM!).

Anyway, now it is 1:30...I'm too tired to fully enjoy "Medium", so I will have to wait until tomorrow. I'd better get some sleep so I have energy to be productive tomorrow. I'm looking forward to having three days off! Good night (morning...argh, I am NOT a night owl!)!

Cleaning and Cooking

I slept in pretty late today. I had a crazy long dream about needing to get to Florida. I actually need to email the people involved in that dream considering they are ladies that I have never met. I was getting pretty desperate, but I wish I would have written down more of the details before I forgot them. I don't exactly remember why I needed to be there, but it was pretty important (I am not sure if I ever made it!).

Anyway, I did make it to 11:00 Mass. After that, I decided to see if my "new friend" would be interested in coming over to dinner if I cooked (her husband left this morning, so I figured she would be feeling a little lonely). She said sure, so I got to work on my cleaning. Even though she saw my house when it was a disaster, this was the motivation I needed to get things done. Pretty much every day, someone says to me "your hair is getting long". Yep, and it is all over my bathroom floor even though I do "spot clean ups" every now and then. So, I loaded the dishwasher, vacuumed my living room and kitchen (I know, carpet in the kitchen is crazy, but I have no idea what I would find if I pulled it up and don't have the money to do anything major), and cleaned my bathroom. I also threw away a lot of papers that were strewn about my living room and tidied up my kitchen. I have a ways to go before my house is "organized", but it does look better.

I had planned to get dinner pretty much ready before I picked her up, but I was "out and about", so went to the hospital around 5:00 and she had to watch me cook. I got a little self-conscious having her watch me cook, because I'm really not used to cooking for anyone (and hardly ever cook in the first place)! Fortunately, she told me her husband is the cook in the family, so she didn't feel like she could "judge" my skills :o) It actually worked out pretty well--I baked tilapia that I had marinated, pan-fried asparagus, creamy Italian noodles, and an apple/mandarin orange fruit salad. She thought it was good, and felt like she ate healthy. I was a little disappointed that the timing was a little off so the noodles were cold, but she had an extra little portion of them, so it must have been okay with her! After dinner, we walked to get ice cream :o) It was SO great hanging out with her, and I enjoyed cooking (and this was a GREAT way to get me to clean...even though she never even went in my bathroom, now I have a clean bathroom for myself!). I let her use my computer to check her email, and printed off some information for her about the Children's Organ Transplant Association (cota) since some friends have offered to help them with fundraising. It was after 9:00 when I brought her back to the hospital, but if she didn't have a sick baby and I didn't have to work, we probably could have hung out all night long!

She can't wait to see that smile again! (neither can I!)

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In case that "menu" makes you hungry (or curious!)...here are the recipes I used:

Seafood Marinade

2 tbsp olive oil

2 tbsp seasoned rice vinegar

1 tbsp balsamic vinegar

1 tbsp lime juice

1 tsp dried chives (or 1 tbsp fresh chives)

1 tsp dried dill weed (or 1 tbsp fresh dill)

1 tbsp lemon pepper seasoning

Mix well. Marinate 1 pound of any seafood or fish at least 4 hours. Drain well and discard marinade. Grill or broil seafood until done.

Pan-Fried Asparagus

1/4 cup butter

2 tbsp olive oil

1 tsp coarse salt

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 pound fresh asparagus spears, trimmed

Melt butter in a skillet over medium-high heat. Stir in the olive oil, salt, and pepper. Cook garlic in butter for a minute, but do not brown. Add asparagus, and cook for 10 minutes, turning asparagus to ensure even cooking.

Creamy Italian Noodles

1 package (8 oz) wide egg noodles

1/4 cup butter or margarine, softened

1/2 cup whipping cream, half and half cream, or evaporated milk

1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

2 1/4 teaspoons Italian salad dressing mix

Cook noodles according to package directions; drain and place in a bowl. Toss with butter. Add the remaining ingredients and mix well. Serve immediately.

Fruit salad

1 apple

1 can mandarin oranges, drained

1/4 cup Miracle Whip

1-2 tsp sugar

Cut up apple and pour mandarin orange juice over pieces. Mix Miracle whip and sugar (like a "dressing). Drain juice from apples. Add drained oranges to apple. Stir in dressing.

We got to my house around 5:15, and we ate a little before 6:00, so it was pretty quick. The only things that were done were--the apple had been cut up, and the tilapia was marinating. Fun, fast, and yummy! :o)

Good night!

Helping My Sis

So, I have this "ministry" of helping people at the hospital, but sometimes I neglect my family and other friends. Tonight was my opportunity to show that I really can (and sometimes do) help my family members who are "in need" :o)

Earlier this week, my sister asked me if I was off today. I told her "no" and that I worked both yesterday and today, and asked "why". Apparently, she told her friend that "yes" she could baby-sit her four-year-old and six-month-old today and overnight. Of course, number one, she neglected to ask her husband and, number two, she never really baby-sat much growing up, and I'm not sure how many times she actually has taken care of a "baby". So, she was kind of "freaking out" about the whole thing and thought she needed my "expert" help. I told her that I should get off at 7:30, but sometimes I've been "chatting" with some friends at the hospital after work...so, I'd turn my phone on and she could call me. However, I ended up calling her during my lunch break to see how things were going. The girls hadn't been dropped off yet, but she was still hoping I would come after work. She called me at 4:30 and said "Are you off yet?!" I started laughing and asked her how long they had been there..."about 45 minutes"...wow, sounds like fun! She "bribed" me with pizza (and, I told her that her husband had to take a look at my computer if I was coming over!). On my drive to her house after work (she only lives about 20 minutes away), I thought about how "fun" it would be to see and hold a healthy baby! So, maybe the bribe wasn't necessary, but I was hungry (and my computer did have "issues" last night) so that worked too! The older girl was in bed when I got there, but the baby was not very happy. My poor sister was at quite a disadvantage with this baby because--they hadn't spent much time together prior to today, the baby was in an unfamiliar place, AND my sister didn't have any toys, bouncy seats, swings, anything to calm or entertain her! She wasn't even given a note saying how to get the baby to sleep, or much instruction on how much to feed her, how often she eats, what she likes to do...and the mom is out-of-town (another friend watched the girls last night). I helped get the baby into her sleeping clothes (it was kind of strange doing that without worrying about central lines, feeding tubes, ostomys, pulse oximeters...!) and gave her a bottle (and her antibiotic!). I stayed until she fell asleep. It sounds like she got up twice during the night last night, so I don't think my sister will get very much sleep...I didn't end up putting myself "on call" for her tonight...she lives a lot further away than the hospital! She will be fine :o)

My brother-in-law looked at my computer, and thinks it may have been something with my Internet provider since it started working again without any problems. That's good news!
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Work was good today. My student took three patients, and I took one (normally we wouldn't have had four patients, but someone called in sick). She is doing SUCH a great job! We stayed very busy today, but it was a good experience. "Baby Z's "dad has to go back home tomorrow, so I went and visited his parents in the PICU to say good-bye. I guess his mom got to help with a bath this morning which she was so grateful for (I'm SO glad the PICU nurses included her in that...I think I would be intimidated giving a bath to someone with that many tubes and machines hooked up to them!). I borrowed some movies from my sister and brother-in-law (they have their own little "Blockbuster Video"), so maybe we will have a "girls night" sometime (or I will lend them to her to watch during her "down time").

I'm SO looking forward to having a day off tomorrow! I should go running, but I don't think I will. Instead, my plan is to do some cleaning around the house, and maybe also outside in the "garden areas". I would love to be able to cook something and have people over for dinner, but think my house should be a little more "put together" before I PLAN on having people over!

Laurie, thanks again for your kind words...I read your last comment more than once and it brought tears to my eyes each time. It helps having someone tell me that I'm "doing the right thing" because sometimes I don't really know... I feel SO blessed by all the God has given to me and for the people He places in my path, but don't really think about myself being a blessing...I guess most of the time it doesn't feel like I'm going "above and beyond" (although the whole "car thing" was rather spontaneous, especially for me!), even though I know it is different than what others are able to do. (I'm re-reading this and am not sure it makes sense or is very clear, but I'm too tired to try and figure out how to change it...so, THANKS again for blessing me with sweet comments!).

Good night!

Technology...

can be SO frustruating! This was not my plan for this journal, but because of how I spent my last 45 minutes, that is where I will start. After work, I went and hung out with my dad for a while at the horse races (simulcast, not outside!). When I got home, I quickly checked my email and glanced at a couple of "my blogs" before deciding I better do my own journaling so I could go to bed. Well, for some reason, my computer decided to stop having an Internet connection. I was VERY frustruated, and close to tears (which is VERY silly considering all the "real problems" out there, but that was where I was). I'm not exactly sure if I fixed anything, but I tried one thing, and another, and another, and then finally just restarted my computer (I'm thinking now that maybe I shouldn't have waited 45 minutes to do that because who knows what kinds of things I messed up by all of my attempted "troubleshooting"). When it came back on, the Internet decided to start working again. So, here I am...all "keyed up" and it is BED TIME! (Good thing sleeping isn't usually a problem for me!).


Too bad this happened, because I had all SORTS of nice things to write about today :o) Who knew that April 18 was such a special day--I know FOUR people who celebrated their birthdays today! (Two moms of patients who were at the hospital today, one sibling, and my nursing student's boyfriend...crazy!). My friend ended up going home for the night to spend the evening with her daughter for her 10th birthday. My student called her boyfriend since he lives in another state. One of the mom's celebrated by having her daughter discharged from the hospital, the other mom was celebrating because her baby is still making progress. What a great day!


I actually went and visited the baby today (his mom wanted me to go see him after I dropped off her birthday card). His color is a lot better, and he appears pretty comfortable (I suppose being completely sedated can do that to you!). Anyway, he still has quite a lot of machines working for him, but as his parents wrote today, "In looking at all the machines that are helping [him, we] are amazed that we are so wonderfully made by God with the ability to do so much! We are definitely not taking anything for granted." Oh so true. His mom was so funny today...she called me not long after that and said that her husband would like to take her out to lunch...with my car. I had sort of prepared myself for that, so it was okay, but for some reason did feel kind of odd. I told her sure, but that they could NOT make a big deal out of it...I don't feel like explaining why this situation is different, especially when I'm not exactly sure how it all happened myself. In any case, they were able to have a nice birthday lunch, get some things at Target, buy me a cinnamon roll at Panera, and once again fill my tank with gas (I'm not sure I'm going to remember how to pump my own gas! This is the second time they have "topped me off" this week!). He is flying back home early Sunday morning, so it was nice to be able to help them out this way (because, after that it will just be her and the baby...and I don't anticipate her asking to take my car out on trips by herself because I will just take her when I can go too!). Birthdays are special days, and to be a part of making someone have a special birthday makes me happy :o)

I know this is my journal, and I use it to get my feelings out, maybe never even taking the time to "sort through them", but sometimes it is nice to get some feedback. Laurie, thank you for your comment on my previous post. There are things money can't buy, but there are things it can. So, if I do little things that don't cost money and a couple that do, and they are simply doing the same, I guess it all works out in the end and I shouldn't feel bad about any of it. While I don't exactly feel it is "right" that they keep buying me gas and dinner, it obviously is worth it to them. That means they don't have to rely on a cab, and can go do "normal things" (and sometimes have some "good company" if I do say so myself!) Friends are SO important, no matter how they end up coming into your life. Thanks again!

Anyway, my Internet connection pooped out again in the middle of my typing, so now it is well after 11:00 and I HAVE to go to bed! Back to work tomorrow. Good night.

Damp Day

So, yesterday was sunny and warm, today was damp and cool. That's how it goes here! I'm glad I did a lot of exercising yesterday, because besides going to Curves the morning, the only thing I exercised today was my mouth (eating and talking)!


I picked up some coffee creamer for my new friend at the store last night, and planned to bring it to her some time today. I "text messaged" her a little before noon to let her know that I could come whenever. She and her husband hadn't eaten lunch yet, so they wondered if I would want to go out with them. I hadn't eaten anything, and didn't have any plans for the day, so said "sure". Our lunch actually lasted nearly two hours (all of us like to talk!). As I said, I didn't have any other plans, so it worked out fine. Her husband INSISTED on paying for my lunch...I'm not so sure what to think about them spending money on me, but it also doesn't seem quite right to spend too much time arguing about it. So, I suppose we are "OK" for now...I drive them somewhere to eat, they pay for my food...as long as none of us makes a "big deal" about it, so not EVERYONE knows what kind of relationship we have, I guess that's fine. I like them, they like me, it seems God put us in each other's paths, so I will just "go with it" :o) The baby is doing better today, and this morning, his parents wrote this--"Another blessed day for [him] and family... Doctors continue to be encouraged by [his] improvement during morning rounds. All labs (blood, gas, liver functions etc...) and vent settings are coming back with positive results suggesting [he] is on the right road to recovery." Of course, the post-transplant road has its ups and downs, but they are encouraged, the doctors are encouraged, so we just pray and see what God has in store for him. Hopefully I will have time to go visit him tomorrow.


My other friend's son is doing pretty well. He had to have a drain placed this week and they are still watching him pretty closely. So, he will probably be in the hospital for a while longer. She is struggling tonight because tomorrow is her daughter's birthday and she is here with her son. Her daughter is having a very hard time with this, and she is not sure what to do. So, I am sending prayers to her and her family for some guidance in this.


My foster parent class was fine. There are some pretty interesting people in the class, but I have been sitting near some of the "normal" ones (and we do a lot of laughing, and making quiet comments...probably not very kind, but we are wondering how these people are going to take care of these kids!). I'm still behind on my homework...procrastination was my middle name when I was in school. It would have been nice if that had changed in my "old age", but I guess it hasn't!

He is just SO DARN CUTE, so I had to post this picture again!

Back to work tomorrow...those three days off this week were SO nice!! Good night.

Fresh Air

So, four days ago, we had snow, today I got a sunburn...go figure! I'm actually kind of proud of myself for going outside and enjoying the spring-like temperature because I'm not really an "outdoorsy" kind of gal.

This morning, I slept in, but got up before 10:00! I went to Curves to work out, then went to Hallmark (one of my favorite stores!) to buy some cards. I talked to my mom and my aunt's surgery went well today. I "hung out" for a while, then decided to go running. I think I ran a little over 3 miles, but that was all I could do. I'm not exactly sure how I will run TWICE that far in SEVENTEEN days, but I'm thinking adreneline will have to play a role! After that, I went to watch my cousin's softball team play. She only got to bat once while I was there which stinks, but she was glad I was there. Of course, I didn't think about wearing sunscreen, so now my face and arms are a nice shade of pink (my skin is more of the Swedish/German side than the Syrian/Italian side!). After dinner, I walked to the post office and the grocery store. So, I had my share of fresh air today, and quite a bit of exercise! I think I'll be sleeping well tonight (that isn't usually an issue anyway!).

I finally downloaded some of my photos. Here are the tulips coming up in my "tree ring". As you can tell, I haven't cleaned the area of all the "fall stuff", and have not done any sort of watering, so it is only by God's grace that they are growing! Maybe tomorrow I can do a little something with that area, although gardening is even less of my thing than organizing! See this post and this one from last June!

Baby Z had quite a rough night last night, and is still struggling this evening. He had to get a new dialysis line and is having high blood pressures. He remains paralyzed on the ventilator and still critically ill. I decided to take a picture from his Care Page to post here (I didn't actually ask his mom, but I think she would be okay with it, since I am asking for prayers!). It is from early April and one of the last days he was smiling. Praying he will be awake and smiling again soon. His dad wasn't feeling well yesterday or today, so didn't go visit. Prayers also that he feels better so he can spend more time with his son before he leaves to go back home on Sunday.

Good night. Thanks for reading, thanks for your prayers :o)

Day One

I have three days off in a row again this week (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday), but last week it didn't feel like it at all! This week, my plan is to get some rest and get some stuff done around the house. Today, I didn't get up until 10:00 and that felt GREAT! I also ended up taking a long nap this afternoon which was VERY nice too! I did go work out at Curves, and have lost a couple pounds since the last time I weighed myself, but still have quite a bit of work to do (however, that probably would require cutting down on the ice cream, candy, and going out to eat which probably isn't going to happen, so I should just be "okay" with the way things are!).

I did go to the hospital, but not actually INTO the hospital, so maybe this doesn't count as going into work on my day off! A gentleman came to do a talk about his organ donation story. His son was killed when they were traveling in Italy in 1994. He was able to save the lives of seven people through organ donation. He shared his story, and I bought his new book called "The Gift That Heals". This book is a compilation of stories from different views of organ donation...donor families, recipients and their families, caregivers, etc. I am looking forward to reading it, because it looks like it will be very inspiring, and informative. His first book was called "The Nicholas Effect" because the number of people signing up to be organ donors tripled after his son's organs were donated. This is a link to his foundation. I am very glad it worked out for me to attend the talk.

I got my reading done for class this evening, but still have to get caught up on my homework. It was nice to be able to share good news about the baby since I was SO upset in class last Thursday. Here is an excerpt of what the parents wrote this evening on their Care Page: "Day one down, a lifetime to go...What a great day! All day long the doc's would come by [his] room astounded by his progress. Almost all thought [he] would have complications immediately after surgery, however, with great nurses...[he] is recuperating beautifully...as you can tell we are feeling very encouraged, relieved and humbled." He remains on pretty high settings on the ventilator, and they started dialysis, but they have hope, and that is wonderful. They continue to need prayers, because he is still a very sick baby.

I spoke with one of my aunts tonight. She and her husband are updating their will and were wondering if I would be willing to have my name on there to take care of their youngest child if anything happened to them. Even though none of us anticipate anything happening, it is still an honor to be asked and of course I said yes. I also talked to one of my other aunts. She is having her final surgery after the double mastectomy she had last fall. My mom is there with her which is great.

Well, I think it's bed time! I'm looking forward to sleeping in again :o) I don't REALLY have any plans until the afternoon--yay! Good night!

Sleepy time

It's nearly 11:30 and I need to go to bed. I woke up at ten minutes to 5 this morning (remember, the plan was for the baby to go to surgery at 5:00). So, I said some prayers, and tried to get a little more sleep (my alarm went off at 5:30, and I got up at 6). I barely made it to work on time, but I already had my patients from yesterday. My student took all three of our patients today, so I checked my email a hundred times and spent a lot of time sitting. She is doing GREAT! I also was able to visit with my friend quite a few times since I was on the same "side" (and wasn't doing much work since my student gave all the meds and did all the charting!).

The baby didn't end up going into surgery until nearly 1000 (so, I guess I woke up early for some other reason!). He was back to his room in the PICU around 6:00. He is still critically ill, but at least that surgery is done. He has a second chance at life, and that is an answered prayer. May the Lord continue to wrap His arms around the donor family who will soon bury their child. Their gift is the priceless gift of hope, of time, of life. I brought his parents to Applebees and we had a really nice visit. They insisted upon buying my dinner...we are going to have to come up with some kind of "middle ground" because I can't continue to have them spend money on me! That just doesn't seem "right"! In the past, I have written about my "A-team girl", so maybe I'm going to have to start calling this baby my "Z-team boy" :o) (or, maybe he will keep being "the baby" because I know who I mean!). Praying this little one does well...he does not have an easy road ahead of him, but he has shown himself to be a fighter, and he has amazing parents right there with him cheering him on! They are SO great and I am blessed that God brought them to me.

I'm off tomorrow, so need to go work out...and should go running (gotta get ready for that Life-a-Thon!). A man who donated his son's organs in the 1990s is coming to my hospital to speak, so I would like to go listen to his story. Today I learned first hand how difficult the decision to donate organs can be. I heard a story of someone who had been involved in a tragic accident. In order for the heart and lungs to be donated, this patient would have had to remain on life support for 24-48 hours even though "brain death" had already been declared. To delay the inevitable, to sit in a hospital with a loved one who has passed away for days...that would be SO hard. I'm not sure if this was a unique situation, or if that is what has to happen for all donors, but it really made me think about what a difficult choice organ donation can be...I haven't thought about it much besides praying for them whenever one of our kids gets transplanted...

Anyway, time to sleep. Good night!

More Prayers

Tonight, a family is grieving...and another one has hope. At exactly 9:51 PM, my new friend made her first call to ME to say that they have found organs for her baby (I'm still in shock that she said I was her first call...how special is that?! It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it). The plan is for him to go into surgery at 5:00 AM. Of course, he needs to remain stable overnight, the organs have to look good, and there are probably lots of other details, but right now there is hope that this baby will have more time here on Earth. Of course, the post-transplant road can be quite the roller coaster ride, but this family feels blessed to have the chance to see where it takes them. Lots of prayers tonight to both families. Dear Lord, please let those grieving parents know that they are bringing hope to some wonderful parents, and a very sweet little boy. Their unselfish choice in their time of grief is amazing, and his parents will always remember them in their prayers.

I'm very tired tonight. I was very tired this afternoon, and can't believe that it is after 10:00 and I'm still awake (and still have my contacts in!). The day really dragged on, but I guess I should be happy we didn't have any "excitement". The baby's parents took my car out today while I was at work so they could go to church, and run some errands. Oh how happy I am that they were able to do that (the crazy people filled up my tank with gas even though they only drove about 20 miles AND brought me dessert from the Greek restaurant!). It's the little things, and I am SURE they are glad they made it to church today to say those extra prayers!

Laurie, I saw your message to email you that quote on hope. I will do that, but it will have to be another day. I need to get some rest to help me through all of this emotional stuff!

Hope

I slept like a rock last night (go figure...this was a LONG, emotional week!), except for waking up just in time to see my clock change from 3:59 to 4:00. I wasn't sure if that was significant or not at the time and thought about calling to check on the baby, but decided to go back to sleep since I told the mom she could call if she needed me. I called her on my way to the retreat and they ended up putting him on a ventilator around 5:00 this morning (so, 4:00 probably was not a good time for either of them...they did, however, get a prayer from me since I was awake).

The retreat was much needed, and I actually didn't cry until the end when I went to talk to the presenter (I wanted to get the quote written below and then told her about my little patient and his mom...she is a nurse too, but said she could NEVER do pediatrics. She did offer to pray for them, though, which was nice.). The title of the retreat was "Weaving Hope into the Fabric of our Lives". Even though I took notes, putting some of the information here will make it easily accessible if I want to read it again. She broke the presentation up into seven lessons, and had quilts for examples with each lesson. It was really neat.

"The kind of hope I often think about (especially in situations that are particularly hopeless) I understand above all as a state of mind, not a state of the world. Either we have hope within us or we don't; it is a dimension of the soul. It is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart, it transcends the world that is immediately experienced, and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizon.

[He concludes] Hope [is] an ability to work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed. The more unpropitious the situation in which we demonstrate hope, the deeper that hope is. Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out." ~Vaclav Havel

Lesson one--"Make the best of leftovers" (when life gives you scraps, make quilts). She showed a quilt made entirely out of scraps, and we had a discussion of other things we have made from nothing.
Lesson two--"Uniqueness"; I think this was when she told a story about her daughter giving her two weeks to make a graduation quilt and wanted it to be "funky", black, white, and red. It was a funny story, and a really "funky" quilt! "You are a unique, irreplaceable, unrepeatable representation of the face of God for the people of your time." ~John Paul II
Lesson three--"Lights and Darks"; We had a discussion about what darkness teaches--patience, appreciation, hope, faith, knowledge, growth, flexibility... She showed a quilt with a bunch of different "star" like blocks, but a couple of them she used fabric that was too similar, so they didn't stand out. You need contrast; there is value in the light and the dark. The lights and darks of life are both necessary.
Lesson four--"Imperfections"; Mistakes can be overlooked when you are loved. Mistakes can't be seen from a distance. And, mistakes can be overlooked when you are cold! I'm not a quilter, so her quilts looked pretty amazing to me, but apparently in the "quilting world", her quilts are far from perfect. But, that doesn't really matter when you are cold, right!
Lesson five--"Contentment"; "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have." ~Mark Twain; She told a story about going to a quilt class and quitting part-way through because she was not "up to par" with their perfection. So, she finished the quilt at home her way, with her own pattern, and it was not perfect, but it was hers, and she was okay with that. Sometimes we can't pick our patterns or our colors, but we can decide how we will create.
Lesson six--"It takes time"; Our lives unfold in bits and pieces. We rarely see what the quilt looks like until it is almost done. She found some special fabric for a quilt for her daughter when she was out-of-town. When she was about to start the quilt, she realized that she didn't have enough fabric for her original plan. So, it took a LOT of time to figure out how to make it all work, even though it was a small quilt and she hadn't planned on it taking that long to make. There are no accidents; things happen in God's time; time heals; memories and friends develop over time; time is a blessing; "mellowing" with age is a gift.
Lesson seven--"Leaving a legacy"; We had a discussion about how to leave a legacy of love...photos, scrapbooks, quilts, traditions, faith, telling stories, ethnic heritage. I didn't speak up at this point (I decided that not everyone would appreciate being "burdened" by what is going on in my life), but I do believe that being a nurse allows me to leave a "legacy" of love fairly often. That's what I love most about my job...being able to make a difference, even in doing little things that seem insignificant. Like the quote at the top of my blog says, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~Leo Buscaglia

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After the retreat, I decided to be a little bit productive. I haven't been home very much this week, so my house is even messier than normal. I cleaned up the inside of my car (I had choir music and random papers everywhere...I just picked that stuff up, I didn't vacuum or anything CRAZY like that!) since I had offered to bring the baby's parents to church with me. I put away some laundry, and did two loads of wash. I didn't finish loading the dishwasher, but maybe I'll do that before I go to bed! I ended up going to 5:00 Mass alone since the mom and dad were taking a nap (I don't blame them...I took one too!).

After Mass, I ate dinner, then my friend from California called me and we talked for a little while. I typed the first part of this journal, then was going to watch The Memory Keeper's Daughter (I read the book, so I suppose it "makes sense" to watch the movie). However, it is a pretty sad story, and once I started watching, I was thinking "this is not a very good idea with my emotions the way they are"...THEN, my phone rang--yay, great timing! It was my new friend calling to apologize for not making much sense when I talked to her earlier (the apology was NOT necessary, but it was VERY nice to visit with her, especially since she got me away from the movie!). Her baby is more comfortable on the vent, which is an answer to one of her prayers. Right now his blood pressures are still low, but hanging in there. They have not had to start dialysis which is good. They are still waiting, and praying, for organs, so that will be my prayer too. I told them they could use my car tomorrow while I'm at work to run errands, so now I'm glad I cleaned up my car :o)

Well, now it's about 9:45...that seems like an early time to go to bed, but I guess I AM my own boss, so I can go to bed whenever I want! I actually may bring my foster parent book to bed and do some reading (I have a LOT to get caught up on!). Good night!

Prayers

That's pretty much all I can say. It's been a long day. I did have a nice shift at work. My student and I had two patients all day and they "behaved" and were pretty easy (and VERY cute little babies!). My friend's son was moved out of the PICU to my floor, which is really good. She is still struggling with various issues and needs prayers (I did "hook her up" with a very nice mom who actually lives near where they do and they were visiting when I left).

It is nearly midnight, and I spent the rest of the time with my new friend and her baby in the PICU. He is hanging in there, but it having trouble with his blood pressures, and may end up needing to be placed on a ventilator. He still has a small window of opportunity to be a transplant candidate, but it is such a difficult situation, because transplant is not a "cure". His dad will be flying in tomorrow, and that will be good for all three of them. I have placed myself "on-call" in case anything happens that the mom would like me to be there for, so I better get some rest.

Tomorrow morning is the women's retreat I have been so excited about. It is all about hope, and I am sure it will be GREAT.

Good night.

God's Timing

Last night, I wrote this: "Earlier, I was getting a little upset about a certain situation. I feel a little better about it now, but am not sure if I "solved" anything...maybe that's not the kind of "issue" it was! In any case, I'm praying that God helps me out if I have a decision to make..."

Help me He did...in "perfect" timing. Even though today was really rough emotionally, and did not go exactly as planned, I could definitely see God at work, and that makes SUCH a difference.

The meeting I led this morning went well. We had a VERY small group, so I think that helped. There are some really exciting changes in the works in regards to the way the transplant team and nursing/patients/families communicate. I think it could make a HUGE difference and improve job satisfaction as well as patient/family satisfaction. I received some positive feedback on my first meeting, so that was nice :o)

The "issue" I was having yesterday/last night involved feeling "torn" between an "old friend" and a new acquaintance who became a "fast friend". Both of them have sons in the PICU, and I want to be there for both of them, but didn't have a clue how I was going to split myself, or how that was going to work. I felt really silly getting worried about that yesterday, which is why I didn't type out all the details, even though it was making me pretty upset. Now I am glad I just "gave it to God" because He really did work out all the details!

After my meeting, I decided to go visit my friend and her son first. He is feeling a LOT better and that is SO great (and makes my friend feel a lot better too!). We had a nice visit, and then ended up playing a game of "Chutes and Ladders" (he is six). I was there about an hour when my friend decided she was hungry. I was too, but decided to check on the other mom while I was still in the hospital. I called her cell phone, but got voice mail, so I left a message and decided that I would just go to lunch with my friend at the hospital, in case the other woman called me back (I didn't REALLY have any plans anyway, right?!).

We got as far as the elevators when my phone rang. It was the other mom and she was really upset and crying. Things were not going well. I apologized to my friend for leaving her alone for lunch, but she assured me that she was okay. So, I went and visited her and her baby. Basically, his organs are all shutting down, so the doctors said that if he doesn't get a transplant within the next day or two, he will no longer be a transplant candidate. Obviously, this is not the news she wanted to hear. I think I spent nearly two hours talking to her about all sorts of stuff (she didn't really want to cry around him, because she doesn't want him to "give up", but that obviously was pretty difficult, but I tried to "distract" her...). We decided that we were both hungry, but the cafeteria wasn't serving lunch anymore. So, she and I went out for Chinese, stopped by my church to light some votive candles and say some prayers, and I took her to the bank to cash a money order. I think it was good for her to get out of the hospital, and it was nice to be able to offer that ("nice timing" to have the day off!).

As it turned out, I had called her cell phone at "12:12", and she called me at "12:15" from a different number, and didn't even know that I had called. She was waiting until I was done with my meeting, but her waiting allowed me to spend time with my friend and her son, so I didn't have that "torn" feeling (the issue that was making me crazy yesterday). God's timing was perfect! So, I was able to spend time with BOTH moms and didn't have to make any "decisions"! The fact that SHE called me (I know, "technically", I called her first, but she had no idea!) makes me feel better about the whole situation too. I have a caring heart, and like helping people, but wouldn't want anyone to feel awkward about it, or feel like I was "pushing" myself on them. It has been less than a week since we first met each other, so from the outside it seems kind of crazy that we have "a relationship", but I definitely think it is a "God thing". So far, the timing of everything seems perfect...maybe God's plan involves getting him new organs in perfect time...or maybe not...time will tell, but for now she is spending all the time she can with her precious baby, and reminding me not to take any moment for granted.

When I got home, I only had an hour before my foster parent class. I decided to check out some of my blogs, read some emails, try and "chill" for a little while since I hadn't been home all day. One of the blogs I read had some "perfect", but really emotional words about trusting God, even when we don't understand. Of COURSE I was bawling by this point (I had tried not to do that earlier). Then, she posted this at the end--"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 I was a total mess. So, I decided to get to class a little early to talk to the instructor. I knew that random crying during class was more than a possibility, it was a sure thing.

And what was the topic of today's session? Yep, it was "Grief and Loss"...You have GOT to be kidding me! Oh, God's timing... I tried not to make a scene, and got most of my crying out of the way before class began. The people right around me knew what my day was like, and talking about it helped some. Two sessions in a row I didn't do my reading or homework...I have a lot to do before Tuesday!

After work, I stopped by mom and dad's because my cousin got a softball shirt for my dad. My mom wasn't home when I got there, and I was hoping to "sneak away" before she did, because I didn't really want to talk about today. Of course, that didn't work out. I was ALMOST out the door when it all came spilling out...argh! I SO wish I would have just come home and journalled instead of sharing any of this with my mom, because she didn't appreciate being "involved", and was pretty close to giving me some kind of "warning", but I left before she said too much.

It's nearly 11:00, and I'm VERY tired. I cooked dinner, and have plenty to bring to my new friend tomorrow for lunch (my other friend has her family here now). Good night.

Read, read, read

Tomorrow I am to lead my first meeting as the chairperson of my unit council. I finally finished the agenda about 9:00 this evening. I finished reading all of the policies and procedures required for this month about 10:00 (I did take a break in between those!). Luckily, I already read the minutes from the other committe meetings before today, so I just had to skim through them to create my agenda. Next month I hope to be a LOT more organized! I have SO much paper strewn about (next month I will try and only have one copy of everything...I think I have three copies of one of the documents...that did not help my organization!). Along with all of my personal paper/clutter, my living room is a disaster area!

I never did my reading or homework for last night's meeting, and I have more to do before tomorrow night. I'm hoping I will be able to stay awake long enough to read some tonight.

Today I went with my aunt to watch my cousin play softball. She is in college and was playing in a town about an hour and a half away from here. We met up with another aunt for lunch before the game which was really nice. My cousin played the whole first game, but didn't get in the second game while we were there. It was SO cold there! This weather is just crazy (someone even said we could get some "flurries" tonight...what's up with that?! I thought it was SPRING!). I brought along my reading since I knew we were going to be in the car for a while, but ended up just visiting with my aunt. She is a fourth grade teacher, so we both had stories to share :o)

I did a little bit of laundry, and ran the dishwasher. So, I guess I feel like I was semi-productive today (or, very productive if you believe family time takes top priority!).

Earlier, I was getting a little upset about a certain situation. I feel a little better about it now, but am not sure if I "solved" anything...maybe that's not the kind of "issue" it was! In any case, I'm praying that God helps me out if I have a decision to make...

I suppose I should get ready for bed. Good night.

I missed this?!

Okay, SO I have my computer back, and have spent nearly three hours doing what I used to do...read this, read that, go here, go there...sitting on my couch, watching TV...all the while, I have a pile of "clutter" around me that would take 10 minutes to organize, a sink full of dishes, a TON of reading to do (to prepare for my Thursday meeting, and to do the foster parent class reading and homework from last week and today)...Oh my...maybe having my computer gone wasn't such a bad thing...(okay, not QUITE willing to admit that!). I haven't figured out how long it is going to take to make everything back to the way it used to be. I'm not sure if it will EVER be the way it used to be (in regards to the speaker problem...I LOVE being able to watch little video clips and listen to music again!!).

Today was a pretty crazy day. I had a meeting at 10, but I went and got gas and some cash before that. It was supposed to go until noon, but we were done before 11. I went to my floor and printed off the stuff I have to read for Thursday. My friend's son is still in the PICU, but her husband was here, so I "stole" her for a couple hours and we visited at my house (I CANNOT believe I let two people into this messy house in four days!). He is still pretty sick, and they aren't sure what is going on yet. I had to go BACK to the hospital to take our annual competency tests which took about 2 1/2 hours. I was home briefly before my class, which ALSO got over an hour early. Now I've been home for a while, messing around on my computer (getting re-acquainted with each other!). It is nearly 11:00 and I should get ready for bed and maybe get a little reading done before I fall asleep.

Good night from HOME!!!

Starting Over

Well, the GREAT news is that I have my computer back.

The "not so great" news is that I have to start ALL over with EVERYTHING. It is like a brand new computer. I no longer have my "favorites" or my web site history (all those sites that I visited frequently, but never actually saved as "favorites"...gone). The way things look is COMPLETELY different.

I have all those back up disks and external hard drive stuff my mom's work did for me, but I think it is going to take a LONG time to get things back the way they were (if I am even able to get things back to the way they were).

I have yet to decide if all of this is worth it because the only thing that was wrong was my speakers (and the battery doesn't work, but they opted not to replace that for me...thanks a lot!).

Well, my foster parent class starts in 30 minutes and I haven't done the reading, my homework, or eaten dinner. I think food comes first...and hopefully they agree!

Ta-ta for now.

Busy Day

It was REALLY busy today at work and I felt REALLY bad for my student because I was having her do a lot of stuff, but then I would take over when she could have done stuff. I was scattered (and crabby at times) and not sure I was a very good teacher. I did talk to her after the shift was over to make sure she was okay with the way things were going. She told me it was okay, but it was pretty nuts. I think today's "quote of the day" is quite interesting..."I treat others exactly the way I want to be treated." ~Dionne Warwick. Well, I'm not SO sure I did that today, but I tried to catch myself whenever I was leaning toward not being very nice. I'm pretty sure I "slipped up" a time or two and was rather impatient with some folks, annoyed with others...overall, probably not one of my better days as far as being nice to people!

My friend ended up back in the PICU last night with her son (she's the one who painted my guest room last summer when he was here after transplant). I haven't talked to her in MONTHS, and was hoping it was because things were going well. (Of course, I talked about her a few times last week at work...it always seems like that brings the kids back to the hospital!). He's pretty sick, and they aren't exactly sure what is going on. I was able to "catch up" with her when I got off and we visited for over an hour (we still have lots to talk about!). While I DID miss talking to her, I would have rather taken a road trip to go visit than see her here! It WAS nice to see her, though, and since I have the next three days off, I'm sure I'll be seeing more of her. She is SO great. I am SO thankful that God continues to bring wonderful friends into my life :o) I'm praying that he improves quickly and gets to go home soon.

Well, my lunch consisted of a spinach salad with dried cranberries, blackberries, strawberries, and carrots with ranch dressing (sometimes I like to pretend I am a healthy eater! I also had a Diet Coke.). That was about eight hours ago, so I'm pretty hungry (plus Medium is on!). I would love to write more, but my stomach has other plans (and, no computer at home means this is it!). Good night from mom and dad's (my mom said my computer got to Fort Worth on Thursday, but that doesn't really tell me when it will get back to me!).

Marcie, thanks for commenting on my last journal entry. My legs are a bit sore from my run, but in a crazy kind of way, it is a "good" feeling! I agree that once the race day comes, I will be able to do it because of the reasons I want to do it. I stopped by your blog long enough to see you have adorable little red-headed girls, but that's about it (well, at least that's what I remember about my visit...you could have a couple of little red-headed boys, or one of each!). I PROMISE when I get my computer back, I'll read your story, and tell you hello then! Take care!

Laurie, I guess you are still traveling...hope you are having fun!! :o)

Twenty-Four Minutes

That's how long I ran this afternoon. I'm a pretty slow runner, so that probably was around two miles. A 10K is 6.2 miles, so I have a ways to go before I'm ready for the "Big Race" (the Life-a-Thon on May 3)! Day one of my "training" is in the books, though, so that is good!

My parents cooked a yummy dinner, and my sister and brother-in-law brought their two dogs (so I got to meet the new one they got on Friday).

I went to a play at my high school. They did "Get Smart". It was pretty good (they did a really good job performing, but it wasn't THAT exciting of a show). They had fortune cookies on the table. Even though I wouldn't say I "believe" fortunes anymore than I "believe" horoscopes, mine was pretty good. It says "Watch for a new relationship to develop within the month." Interesting, eh?! (Although, that sounds like something that could be true for anyone in any given month...I meet new people ALL the time!!).

Not much else since my last post. Back to work tomorrow. I should probably go to bed...that fresh air made me kind of tired! Good night from mom and dad's...I have NO clue when I'll be getting my computer back at my house. I don't think it got shipped until Tuesday, so "worst case scenario" they received it on Friday. That means it could be tomorrow before they even look at it, so I'm not getting my hopes up that it will be back any time this week.
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Today's "Quote of the Day"--I used to try and take things in leaps and bounds. Now I've realized it's got to be step by step. ~Tommy Bolin

Chatty Cathy

Okay, so I didn't get to journal last night, or much the night before because of my "chattiness" (in combination with the fact that I still do not have a computer at my house...it is SO annoying!).

Last night I nearly went to my garage to get an old desktop to see if I could get it to work because I SO needed to journal...in the end, I decided not to, but knew that I needed to write. So, I resorted to the old-fashioned pen-and-paper route. This is what I wrote (except for maybe some editing now that I can type it out!).

Last night (Friday), it was really fun going out with a small group of co-workers. Even though they weren't all people with whom I have regular conversations, I think I have at least a little change in my opinions of them. (Two of them were mentioned in my "I think there are only four people I would rather not work with..." I wrote about on Wednesday.). After I kicked myself out of mom and dads (instead of them telling me I needed to go!), I ended up "chit-chatting" with my mom until 11:00! That made for a short night since I had to be at work at 7.

Good thing I slept well in the short time I did sleep, because today (Saturday) was really busy at work. Thank GOODNESS the student I have with me is awesome! Today was her third day with me. Day one she observed and was a little bit of a "go-fer". Day two she independently (mostly) took one patient and helped out with other stuff. Today, she had to take two patients almost entirely independently because I was so busy with our other patient. The baby we transferred up from the PICU (the one with the "super nice mom") got a lot sicker overnight and was really busy for me. I was in there almost all day long (kinda SORTA my choice since I knew the other patients were being taken care of by my student, but also a little bit out of necessity because he was pretty sick). He went back to the PICU around 4:00 when they had a bed become available. I felt really bad for him because he just looked like he felt miserable (much different than the smiley boy I had on Friday). It was hard to see a mom in that situation too.

His mom doesn't have a car here and needed a few things, so I offered to bring her to Target when I got off. She took me out to dinner (I tried to refuse that, but realize that sometimes you just have to let people do what they need to do) before we shopped and we talked and talked and talked. We lost track of time, and I didn't get her back to the hospital until almost 10:00, so I couldn't come to mom and dad's to journal. I think it was good for her to "get out" and I ALWAYS enjoy having someone listen to me!

I think this is the first time I have spent an "extended" (if you can call "two days" extended!) period of time with a parent whose child may not live long enough to get a transplant. I know that transplant is not a "cure", but knowing that a "chance" is out there, but not knowing if he will get a chance...it is a much different feeling. A part of me wonders if I am knowingly opening myself up for a broken heart? Maybe. But then again, why would God put these people on my floor for those 24 hours if I wasn't meant to care about them? What would I/could I miss out on if I decided this was too emotional of a situation to get involved in? This is a baby that less than a month ago, the parents were pretty much told they should say good-bye because nothing else could be done. Now they have some "hope", but also realize that each day is a gift. Spending time with a mom who may not have a clue what the post-transplant roller coaster ride can be like, but does know that without a transplant, her child will surely die (and probably sooner rather than later)...it is SO hard. Again, a part of me wonders why I do this to my emotions, but the moments that I spent with that mom and her baby the past two day will be treasured memories, no matter what ends up happening. Only God knows the plan for this baby, and He also knows how much I can handle, and will help me do whatever I am supposed to be doing.

Tomorrow I am having lunch with friends from high school. I am looking forward to that (even though I don't know where we are going!). It is nearly midnight, and it has been a long day! Good Night!
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Onto today...

My friend called this morning before I went to church to tell me where we were having lunch (good to know!). During choir practice before Mass, I just started crying during one of the songs. While it IS a really pretty song with a good message, I think all of the emotions from the past two days had something to do with my tears. I managed to pull myself together, but have teared up a few times since then, especially while typing my thoughts from last night (I probably will have a good cry before the week is up, if not before the day!). Lunch with my friends was fun. My friend and her husband who were in town for a wedding told me they are moving to Germany. They want to get the "travel bug" out before they have kids. I think they are crazy, but that's also really cool that they can do that.

Well, I need to go for a run to start my 10K training...but, probably will be back at mom and dad's for supper, so will write more later. :o)

Super Fast!

Yep, I have to type "super fast" because it is after 10:00 and I have to be at work before 7:00 in the morning for another 12 hour shift. Today was a GREAT day at work! Yet again, my patients were picked for me before I got there, but they were VERY good ones! I sent one kid home at 10:15 and was left with one very familiar patient that I had my student take care of (she did a REALLY good job with this "challenging" patient...A+ for that!). A little after noon, I got a patient transferred up from the PICU. This baby needs a transplant REALLY bad...like, a few weeks ago, the parents were about to just "let him go" because they didn't think there was any other options. OH-MY-GOSH, this mom is absolutely FABULOUS! She is SO SO SO sweet and, since I wasn't at all busy, we were able to visit for at least 2 hours (if you put all the conversations together). It was SO great to hear someone that is happy to be at my hospital...the work being done at my hospital, and the people here, have given her hope. She believes her baby is doing better, simply because the people surrounding him are positive and hopeful. That makes a HUGE difference. I am VERY happy to spend more time with this woman tomorrow........more on this tomorrow (hopefully!).

Okay, my mom and dad just got home, so I'm about to be kicked out. I went out with some co-workers after work and it was really fun. It is really nice when you spend time with people you don't think you really like, and they turn out to be not that bad...that's what happened to me tonight :o)

Good night from mom and dad's...hopefully tomorrow night I will have more time. Oh, my sister and her husband got another dog...I'm not sure about that, but guess I just have to be happy for them because they are happy!

Nothing New

I probably didn't need to post again, but since I actually HAVE computer in front of me to use, I decided "what the heck". So, I didn't do much of anything from the last time I posted until now. I took a bath, went to the grocery store (over $100...yes, I am only ONE person!), ate a quick supper, went to my foster parent class (#2...uneventful, but I did talk a bit more today, as did others who were quiet on Tuesday), then to mom and dad's for "computer time".

Good night from Mom and Dad's. I'm working the next two days. Now that I have a student with me, I actually need to work when I'm there, so "sneaking" peeks at blogs and emails isn't really a good idea (although yesterday I did check my email 2 or 3 times).

It's Raining, It's Pouring

and I'm thinking about going back home to do some snoring (or at least taking a long bath!)!

I LOVE the rain, especially when there is THUNDER! No thunder today, but that is okay. I wish I had my computer, so I could post a photo of my grass that is starting to turn green, and the tulips that are starting to pop up. (I guess I should at least take pictures now so I can post them when my computer returns to me!).

I am a TINY bit annoyed that it decided to rain today because I was going to go running. Last year, I ran a 10K for the "Life-a-Thon" (a run in support of organ donation). I hardly trained for it, but somehow managed to run the entire 6.2 miles. I told myself that "next year" I would get myself better prepared for the run. Well, the race is one month from today (May 3) and I went running ONCE a couple weeks ago for about 10 minutes (that isn't even one mile at my pace!). I suppose I COULD have tried to sneak in some place to use a treadmill or track, but admit I'm not QUITE that motivated to run!

April is Organ and Tissue donor awareness month. I forgot my little "cheat sheet" on how to link to past posts (I suppose I could use Nate's way of "Bumping" important posts, but that kind of seems like stealing!). So, check out my posts labeled "organ donation" for some journalling I did last year on this subject. Hopefully I'll get my computer back before the end of April and I can try and do something to put together the different posts, along with some pictures, new thoughts, etc. that show how important this issue is in my life.

Tonight is my second foster parent class. I spent some time this afternoon doing my homework, and talking to a friend about her experience with foster care. She was so funny when I called...she said "I thought I would never hear from you again!". We worked together on a case in the fall where she was the family support worker and a nurse was required to attend supervised visits. It was really intersesting, and I learned a lot from her. She has a son she adopted through the foster care system, and a daughter that is still in the foster care system, but hopefully will become "adoptable". She is a wonderful person, and will be great to have as a resource person, and as a friend if/when I have a child placed in my home.

Okay, I suppose I should try and be productive today (or, at least bathe and get dressed in normal clothes!). Time to leave mom and dad's (what I OUGHT to be doing during this time of not having my computer as a distraction at home is to do ALL those things I didn't do when it was there!). Maybe I will journal more after my class tonight.

Laurie, congrats to your son! I didn't realize your husband was on vacation because your son was getting married...that is great!! Take care and have a fun time!

Mush

That's what my brain feels like...mush. If I were at home, it probably would take me hours to try and figure out what is going on. However, I only have about an hour before I get kicked out of mom and dad's house!

Last night when I was thinking about what I would title today's journal, it was to be "It takes all sorts". After my first foster parent class, that's what I think :o) I have been used to having classes and meetings with professionals/nurses. Being in a group of individuals from all walks of life is VERY different than that! It is so funny how groups work...there ALWAYS has to be that one person who makes comments about EVERYTHING. Yep, we had one (maybe two) of those! In this kind of group, there usually ends up being someone who THINKS they know what they are talking about, but really they don't (yep, one or two of those). Then, there is usually a person who is willing to speak up who also knows what they are talking about (we DID have one of those too!). And then, those people who don't say anything at all, and those who probably will start talking once we get used to each other. Last night's topic was pretty general, and we watched a video that we discussed (that's where all those individuals revealed themselves!). We got out early which was GREAT since my brain was fried from my CPR class (and, I was a little sore...we did a LOT of CPR which is HARD WORK!). I have quite a bit of reading, and some homework to do before class tomorrow night.

Then, I thought about how I could write about how expecting the worst sometimes makes things seem REALLY good when they don't happen that way. I think there are only four nurses who work on my floor that I would rather not work with. When I checked the schedule before I went to work, I discovered that ALL FOUR of them were scheduled to work today. What are the chances of that?! So, I decided to take a deep breath, not show up too early to work, and be okay with whatever happened. I knew that they would "stick together" (and probably make sure I wasn't stuck with them!). As it turned out, they ended up making a different choice than I was expecting, one of them didn't end up working today, only one of them was on "my side", and I hardly ever saw her. I had a student nurse working with me today for the first time, and we kept pretty busy doing our own thing anyway.

I got off work early, and made it to mom and dad's in time to actually eat dinner with them. My dad made some AMAZING hamburgers, and my mom made some AWESOME fruit salad. We also had some VERY good oven roasted potatoes and cooked carrots. SO GREAT (and pretty healthy too)!

Then, my emotions got to me. I visited a caringbridge site of the little baby who was beaten by her baby-sitter. Her family has gotten nearly 100 comments of prayers, and the site was created just over 24 hours ago. What a blessing that is...my eyes welled up with tears, especially since I know how those people found out about this baby. And THEN I found out that Tricia (of cfhusband fame) went into surgery for her new lungs.

Wow, what a day. Up, down, all around...happy, sad, crabby, tired, blessed...what to think, what to do, what to say...

Probably good night at 9:15 from mom and dad's is best. I think I "need" some ice cream. I'm off tomorrow--yay! Foster parent class #2 tomorrow night.

Rushed

I discovered some more reasons why I would rather have my computer at home than use my mom and dad's. It is much harder to "journal" (which is what I would say I do here) when you know someone (or two someones) is watching to see how long you spend on the computer. I do not like being "rushed"! When I'm at home, sometimes I read what I write MANY times before I hit "post" just to make sure what I have written is really what I mean, what I feel, and that it makes sense. Yesterday, I typed some of my last post in the afternoon, and finished up last night before my parents kicked me out. Last night, I laid awake in bed wondering about what I had typed. I wished I could go check my computer, because I thought I needed to do some "editing". But I couldn't, and that made me sad because I KNEW that others would read what I had written, and I didn't know when I would be able make any corrections. I wondered about the words I had used, and how they would be interpreted...there wasn't anything I could do, though, so I tried not to "stew" about it for too long because that wouldn't help anything (except make me tired and maybe crabby too!)!

I believe I owe an apology to that little girl's parents for what I wrote last night. I know FOR SURE they loved that little girl very much. As circumstances go, though, being uprooted from their home with a sick child, poor coping mechanisms and many other "issues"...things were not easy for them, or for her. It is never "fair" for a mother to lose her child, and she will grieve just as every other mother who has lost a child grieves...in her own way, in her own time. I do, however, think that it is a blessing that this child died in this hospital where there is NO question that every possible intervention was done as quickly as possible. There is no little voice in the back of ANYONE'S mind wondering if the parents missed something, or didn't seek help in time.

Anyway, I'm in between classes, so was able to stop at mom and dad's to use their computer. I am SO glad I got done with the first class early, because I felt I NEEDED to clarify some things here. I feel a LOT better, even though I can't really take back the stuff I wrote yesterday that I didn't like. I have my first foster parent class tonight from 6-9. I'm pretty tired, so will probably just go home after that (although it would be nice to write about my first class right after I finish it!). I work tomorrow, but most likely will stop by mom and dad's to do some journalling after that. I believe my computer is done getting its files backed up, so can be on its way to get the speakers fixed (and whatever else the IT people found...maybe something is wrong with the processor?!). I cannot WAIT to have it back (I upset my mom last night for continuing to tell her that her work people broke my computer...they WERE doing me a favor, and I DO appreciate it, but it is still crazy!).