Drum Roll Please

Okay, so this was going to be a SUPER GREAT post! It still will be GREAT, but circumstances as they are will prevent the "SUPER" part from happening tonight.

Are you ready (all two of you who visit this blog on a regular basis)?!

The baby, yes, the one I have written about many times, including here when he was nearly too sick to be a transplant candidate, here when he received his "Gift of Life", here when his mom got to hold him for the first time post-transplant, here when he was off dialysis and the ventilator (the first time),and here when he was really done with the ventilator, is OUT OF THE HOSPITAL!!

Yes, after nearly nine months in the hospital, the baby can go wherever his mom wants to take him!! His mom is SO sweet, she decided to dress him in an outfit I bought for this special occasion. She told me she was saving it for a special day, and she couldn't think of a more special day than this. That thought brought tears of joy!

I was supposed to work today, but ended up getting the day off. So, I was thinking I'd be able to go to the Ronald McDonald House and see him once he got there. However, he didn't get discharged until around 7:00 when I was at my dad's softball game. I can't even imagine the emotions they are going through having him out of the hospital, being solely reponsible for him for the first time in his entire life! So, I decided against stressing her out and showing up unannounced at the House. (I'm sure she would have made it be "okay", but why do that to them?!)

So, I'm thinking that a picture or two (ha ha, or twenty!) were taken today with him in his special "going outpatient outfit". That would have been SUPER GREAT to post, but it can wait for another day.

Of course, with a transplant, especially the kind he had, and how sick he has been, there is always the possibility he will be sick again and have to be hospitalized. For now, though, they are going to celebrate each day he can live life as a "normal baby" just as they celebrated each day he was still with them when the outlook did not look good.

In other "exciting news", I went to Curves for the first time in a couple weeks, did a couple loads of laundry, finished my self-evaluation, sent the agenda for my Thursday meeting, and checked my email and "blogs" about a hundred times. I got to coach third base for both of my dad's games (both pretty exciting...one team lost after they came back and nearly won, and the other one won after nearly losing it). They got over just before the sky opened for another huge rain storm.

Tomorrow I get my new windows--yay, except for the part about having to pay for them! I'd better head to bed. Maybe TOMORROW I will organize my stacks of papers and send a few cards (my best friend from college has a birthday on the 10th and I haven't sent a card, or talked to her in months!).

Good night!

Hog Heaven

That's what my mom says about some of the "perks" we get for being related to her! She is an "executive assistant" to a VERY nice guy who, because of his generous donations, happens to have access to lots of really cool things. So, we sometimes get to live in "hog heaven" during athletic events with "prime" seating. As my mom said, often it is my dad who gets to be in "hog heaven" but this time it was my turn :o) What an unforgettable experience (as have been the many other "really cool opportunities" I have had because of my mom and her VERY hard work!).

Last Tuesday, I got to go with my mom to watch athletes compete for a chance to go to the Olympic Games. Since, the chances of me actually ever ATTENDING the Olympic Games, I decided that this was an opportunity I didn't want to miss. (I did have to skip my softball games which I felt badly about, but there will be more of those!) Mom and I had a great time, and saw some world and American records broken...awesome!

Friday night at the baseball game, I got to sit with my feet on the first base dug out...loved that (very easy to check out the good-looking baseball players!!). Another "mom's work perk" :o)

Today, I got the day off work (I was on-call until 4:00 and hoping the whole day they would not call me in!). So, tonight, I got to go back to the pool with my aunt to see some more swimming events. This time, we got to sit in a "suite" with appetizers and free drinks. I had prime seating to watch "Lane Four" which I discovered last week has the person with the fastest preliminary time. There were only two races tonight, but I believe American records were set in both events. (I should note that this WHOLE thing is EXTRA amazing to me considering I "probably" would be able to keep myself afloat in the water and prevent myself from drowning. So, swimming is definitely not "my thing".)

View of one of the races from my seat...not too shabby! Great job guys!!

Athletes on their way to Beijing. Go Team USA!!

Tomorrow, I should be able to report on some other AMAZING news. I don't want to "jinx" anything, so will wait until it actually happens...I promise it will be worth the wait :o)

Back to work tomorrow. I'm actually thinking that I wouldn't take "on-call" if it is offered to me. I suppose there is a lot more stuff I could do tomorrow that I decided not to do today (including my self-evaluation from work that was due "the end of June"...oops!).

Good night (hopefully I can sleep after all of this excitement!)

Song

One of the transplant moms used this song in a slide show of photos. She included photos waiting for transplant, and sending her daughter into surgery. It is really beautiful. When I searched for the lyrics, I found a site where I could copy the song and paste it here. So, that is what I did. Enjoy. (and you may need a tissue)


Read A Mother's Prayer lyrics

Coincidence?

I think not!

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed today with all of the work-related things I need to do, and also all the house-related things that I never DID do before my party (and became a bigger mess after the storm and not having electricity for days). I did get my freezer stuff back from my parents' neighbors' house (what a blessing THAT was that I didn't have to buy all new food!). I also mowed the lawn, and tried to solve my problem with an unworking battery in my lap top.

I decided that I would be more successful in staying focused on my work stuff if I left my house. So, I packed a bag and my iPod and headed to a coffee shop. I spent nearly an hour reading minutes from different hospital committees. I need to take the highlights from those minutes and place them in our unit meeting agenda. I also have about eight hospital/nursing policies and procedures that have to be reviewed, but decided to wait another day for that. Wow, that sounds like even MORE fun when actually put into words!

I took a break from my work to go to church (since I may have to work tomorrow, but won't know until the morning). The New Testament/Gospel reading was from Matthew--"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 Okay, so THAT alone took some of the weight off my shoulders. What timing! Of course it didn't take away any of the actual WORK that I need to do, but definitely a different perspective on things. I do already know that some people appreciate the hard work that goes into preparing for these meetings, so that too should help with some of the anxiety.

I'm still struggling with some emotional issues. Journalling should help with that, but I haven't really been taking the time to write about it. I really should, especially if I want to get to the root of my issues and deal with them. For now, I just have tears that remain on the brink of flowing at any given time. Hmm, me thinks me may need more than an online journal to solve these problems...unless it is just a matter of hormone changes!

Anyway, I suppose I should go to bed. If I don't have to work, then there is something REALLY fun I can do tomorrow night (and I can get some extra sleep). However, if I don't have to work, then I don't get the extra bonus money. I think I'll leave that decision up to Someone Else, and be okay with whatever happens!

Good night.

Freedom

It is actually nearly 1:00 in the morning, but I wanted this post to have the July 4 date...SO, I really need to type this fast because I have TONS of work to do tomorrow and know it will be tough forcing myself out of bed even if I went there now.

However, I did want to post about freedom and the wonderful things I have because I live in this country, that I often take for granted. Here are a few of those things...

• I am free to attend whatever church I want. I am not persecuted for my beliefs.
• I can drive my car wherever I want to drive it. I can drive thousands of miles in any direction and not be stopped (unless I break any laws with my driving!). I decided I wanted to go to a different state for college; and to yet another state to live for a while.
• I can go to the grocery store to buy frozen corn and have at least five different brands to choose from (it may cost more than it used to, but I still have a choice).
• If I choose to vote, I have a say in who is elected to public office. I am free to give my opinion if I disagree with decisions made by public officials, and have many different ways to express those thoughts.
• I can wear whatever I want. I can do my hair however I want (or NOT do my hair as the case usually is!). I can wear make-up, or choose not to.
• It is okay that I am 28 years old and am not married. This is a choice that girls in many countries do not have.
• I have my own money. I own my own car and my own house. I can spend my money on whatever I want.
• There are many, MANY other rights that I have because people fought for them, and continue to fight for them, for ME. (I'm too tired to think any more...)

I love being an American. Happy Independence Day!

My bed is calling my name :o) Good night.

Why?!

Why did I just spend 30-45 minutes creating a "scrapblog" when I have been tired and crabby all day? I REALLY should have gone to bed! Actually, it was kind of fun, but sort of pointless since my blog hasn't really been for other people to read (at least not really for people I actually "know"!) I'm not even sure I understand what you are supposed to do with a "scrapblog". I tried winning a "blog makeover" a couple weeks ago, but don't really think I should be spending money to make this blog look better, since I don't think anyone cares! (unless, of course, it is for a good cause!). Wow, my attitude is TERRIFIC! I've kind of been like this all day long...

I got myself all worked up over SO many little things today. It was not fun at all, and I ended up with a "mini-meltdown" that more likely than not was not necessary. I'm feeling pretty emotional, so I really should just go to bed and try to sleep it off!

Happy July! Good night.

Let there be lights

and televisions, and radios, and computers, and hair dryers, and flat irons...I am SO excited to report that as of around 11:00 this morning I have electricity once again. That means I was without power for a little over 90 hours! I'm not REALLY complaining though because it could have been a LOT worse, and last time I checked, there were still over 8,000 homes without electricity. Today was VERY warm compared to the last few days, so it would have been pretty miserable sleeping tonight if the air conditioner hadn't been working.

I took quite a few photos on Friday and Saturday, but didn't take many of the progress that has taken place. It will take a long time for all the clean-up to be finished. One home I pass on the way to work had at LEAST three VERY large trees fall onto it. The coolest thing was how quickly neighbors got to work helping each other. An elderly woman on my mom and dad's block had a large tree fall across the street into another person's yard. The tree was chopped down and debris placed into piles before dark on Friday night. (Considering the storm hit a little before 5:00, that is pretty amazing!) My parents' neighborhood was one of the hardest hit, but there were people on every block helping each other and that continued throughout the weekend. I made a slide show of some of my pictures so it makes a little more sense. I walked around mom and dad's neighborhood Friday night and just wanted to cry. So much destruction...it looked like a war zone. But in the midst of pain and sorrow, there were people there to help pick up the pieces. My parents helped me SO much...I don't think I will have grounds to complain about them for a VERY long time! :o) We spent a lot of quality time together between cleaning up, unloading my refrigerator, feeding me, giving me rides...SO great!

One good thing about no electricity is a couple nights I went to bed really early. How cool if I went to bed when it got dark every night! Last night I was up pretty late, but didn't have to work today. I took the baby's sisters to the Zoo this morning, then napped most of the afternoon. I went with my mom to see the Olympic trials which was SO cool. (I had to skip my softball games which was sad, but this was a "once in a lifetime opportunity" that I didn't want to miss.)

Back to work tomorrow...I'm not sure if I want them to give me an option to have the day off or not. I think I would take it...my house REALLY needs vacuuming, and I should go get my frozen food from my parents' neighbor's house! I also need to finish off my jewelry party order.

I suppose I should go to bed. Good night!

Off line

I will write more later, but just in case any of "my readers" (ha ha all two or three of you!) are wondering where I have been, I decided I should leave a little note. Some crazy weather came through here on Friday and it has knocked out electricity and cable to my house. I have taken quite a few pictures and will give more details when I am back "online". Luckily, my home, and the homes of my family members were not damaged, but there are many people in the area whose homes have been destroyed or very severely damaged. There are many people without power more than 48 hours after the storm. Thankfully, the temperature has been very tolerable, so I haven't had to miss my a/c as much as other technologies like my hair dryer, refrigerator, computer...all SORTS of things you hardly think about, but definitely miss when they are gone.

I have some work to do at home...and should try and get there before it gets too dark! Good night.

Party Time

I got the important parts of my house cleaned in time for the party (I don't think anyone actually used the bathrooms, but now they are clean for me!). I shoved all the papers into boxes in the office. Maybe I will sort through them tomorrow. Now that they are out of the living room, I can bring in bits and pieces at a time to sort, organize, toss, etc. That could be a good plan...now, if that actually HAPPENS is another story!

Quite a few more people came than I anticipated, which was great! My living room was full, and if anyone else had come we would have been sitting on the floor. That would have been fine, I'm sure, but this way worked out very well. I told everyone they did NOT have to buy anything, but they did anyway. I will get over $200 in free jewelry for my party and can pick up to five items for 1/2 price. Amazing! Too bad I don't really wear much jewelry, but maybe I can start!

I think I'm ready for another party :o)

The baby is doing well, so his mom and sisters were able to come to the party.

Yesterday she called and said she "missed me"...I laughed about that,

but am VERY glad she could come!

She and her sisters played in my play room for a while, but

then she decided it was her turn to try on some of the "fancy" jewelry :o)

I suppose I should do the dishes tonight, so it is one less thing to procrastinate about tomorrow! I have class that starts at 8, but there is a 7:30 staff meeting, so I may catch some of that before my class. I may attend a party at someone ELSE'S house tomorrow! Then it's back to work. Good night.

Kind Words

As I have written about in previous posts, I have been taking on more leadership roles at the hospital. I am on a large hospital-wide committee, and am the chairperson for my unit council. I also sit on the leadership team with the director, managers, and other unit leaders. In high school and college, I served in roles like "secretary" and "treasurer", but don't recall ever being the "president". This takes myself out of my comfort zone, so have often shied away from those type of responsibilities. Yesterday, I went to my "hospital committee" and actually was an active participant in the discussion. I mentioned that my director has gone out of her way to help me feel comfortable in my new role. The Chief Nursing Officer was present at the meeting, and told me that this woman is an EXCELLENT leader and takes time to do those kinds of things all the time. She wanted to make sure I passed my thoughts on to her. So, I sent an email to her last night (which is how we do most of our communication). What followed from there was a wonderful email communication of kind words and compliments. Like the quote at the top of my blog says "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~Leo Buscaglia

Here is the "gist" of our email "conversation":
Me: I want to let you know that your name came up during the ____Meeting today... I gave an example of how often you have taken the time to send an email telling me I am doing a good job as Chair and to keep up the good work. This really has meant a lot to me, especially since this is my first time in a leadership role like this since I was in high school! I'm not extremely confident and your kind words have often come when I needed some positive reinforcement. (The CNO) wanted to make sure I have told you how much I appreciate you taking the time to do those little things that make a big difference (she too is impressed by your efforts to connect with staff in ways like this). I try to at least reply with a "thank you", but just in case I have forgotten a time or two, here is a BIG thank you (and not JUST because the CNO told me to!).

Thank you for ALL you do. Your efforts do not go unnoticed, even if you don't always get the thanks you deserve.

Her: WOW! What a wonderful way to start my day! Your words of affirmation are MUCH appreciated, and I thank you for taking the time to share them with me! I think I will save this and read it again when I have a day when I wonder if I am making a difference! Thanks again for your kind and encouraging words.

Me: I am glad that I helped you start your day off well! You do an amazing job of connecting with all the staff and deserve to hear how great you are every once in a while (hopefully you hear it MUCH more often than that!). You are a wonderful role model for a leader.

Her: Thank you again! You have a wonderful future ahead of you as a leader, whether you choose a leadership role that is formal or informal. leadership role!

What a difference we made to each other today, just by "saying" what was in our hearts. I always try to say nice things to people whenever I think them, and enjoy paying people compliments (even if it sounds REALLY corny coming out!). I know first-hand how much of a difference those little things can make! Today's "email conversation" with the director was a GREAT way to recover from the criticism I received on Monday. While it hurts that I don't always feel like I "belong" on my floor, compliments from people who "really matter" means a great deal.

Too bad I can't say the REST of my day was "fabulous". It was pretty hectic and I still get kind of anxious when my patients are not doing that well. It is pretty exhausting to feel powerless when my "job" is to make the kids feel better. Even though it isn't "my" kid, my heart just aches when it seems I am failing them because nothing I do is helping (gosh, I wonder what their moms feel like!). There were a lot of things going on, and I guess all I can do is my best...and hope the next nurse can take over where I left off (24 hour job, right?!).

Well, this is way longer, but also WAY less enlightening that I originally planned. In a nutshell, today had some special moments, but also a couple I'd like to forget (but probably won't be able to since I tend to dwell on mistakes and coulda/woulda/shouldas). It's late and I need to get a good night's sleep. Party at my house tomorrow night...cleaning party at my house tomorrow during the day! Good night.

Plucking Along

I managed to do a few "housekeeping" things today, but I am not NEARLY ready for house guests! Fortunately (sort of), the only "confirmed" guests are relatives. That isn't very good for the person trying to sell her jewelry, and also not so good for my motivation to make my house look really nice. At least I don't have to do very much food preparation. I am keeping it simple considering I'm not sure how many to expect. That means I will have most of Thursday to clean the important areas (my office aka "junk room" is a lost cause for Thursday, but at least everywhere else will be better by then!).

This morning I did go to Curves. Then I went and visited with a friend I haven't seen or talked to in a long time. We had a really nice visit, and she did pick out a couple pieces of jewelry from the catalog since she cannot come to the party. She used to work at my hospital, but REALLY likes her new job and looks very happy. I'm happy for her too :o)

I had a meeting at the hospital which went well. It POURED down rain for quite a while...long enough to cancel my softball game. That allowed me to have dinner with a friend, run an errand, and gave me time to do some things around the house. So, it worked out well even though I was looking forward to playing one of the two teams we beat!

Back to work tomorrow. Hopefully it isn't another "pick on me" day! Actually, the events of yesterday are pretty funny now, but it WAS quite annoying and a little frustruating when it was happening!

I believe that's it...kind of a boring day, but semi-productive I guess. I suppose I should catch some zzz's :o) Good night!

Seriously!

So, I "signed up" to do the bonus incentive program thing, but there isn't really a way to know if I will get any or all of the shifts I picked. In order to get the entire $1000 bonus, I have to work four, but it will be prorated if I am not needed on those days (and I suppose I could try and pick a different day in that week). Either way, I guess I am "signed up", so it SEEMS like I should get a $250 even if only one of the days ends up working out. Works for me! The managers and director are meeting on Wednesday to try and work out kinks before any issues arise as to how staffing is done on those days.

Of course, I write "works for me", but today was quite an interesting day. If every day was like today, I'm not sure if I'd be eager to pick up extra shifts! Actually, it wasn't BAD, and really is a little "puzzling" in a sense. For some reason, a nurse I usually like, was carping me all day over something that was REALLY stupid. She kept finding ways to patronize me and it was VERY irritating, especially since I had pretty busy/"needy" patients. I think having a student with me helped me react in an okay way. Somehow the nurse even was able to get someone else to make jabs at me over the same stupid issue. (Seriously, it was about a "warm pack" a patient was using for a sore back...seriously, seriously...) I'm not 100% sure I handled myself in the most appropriate way with the family in terms of not pointing fingers at the people making mountains out of a molehill (or something smaller than a molehill!). I remember the voice of my manager a few months ago when she told me "you need to watch how you talk to people". It was one of those stupid issues that someone could turn into this big huge ordeal. So, it freaks me out a bit that this conversation could come back to bite me in the rear, but I am semi-confident that the parents won't discuss the issues of today with anyone.

Then, my student felt like one of the other nurses on our side yelled at her for no particular reason. The other nurse is just really frustruating to be around. So, needless to say, my student and I spent the majority of the day visiting with our patients and families more than our "co-workers". I told her she didn't get put with one of the "cool nurses" and that sometimes I don't socialize with the people I work with. (I eat lunch alone quite often actually.) I think she may have been even more upset about the way others were treating me than I was! I probably would have taken it more personally had I been alone! On my way to my dad's softball game after I left work, I called my "favorite" charge nurse and vented to her about the day. She told me what I needed to hear :o)

I missed sending in a runner from third base during my dad's third game which nearly cost us the game. I'm SO glad I was able to squeeze in a run later to secure our victory :O) My team plays tomorrow if it doesn't rain.

Well, I'm very tired! I had some "emotionally needy" patients today. Of course, I think ALL my patients could drain me emotionally if I let them! All of them were dealing with stressful situations. They need to talk and vent as much/more than I do. I'm more than willing to do that, and it is a part of my job that I like. However, that does take a bit more energy, and is probably why I hesitated to pick up four extra shifts in a month. Recovering from a day like today could take an entire day!

Also, it's nearly midnight and I've been up since six...I suppose that in itself could make me tired! I have a TON of stuff that needs to be done tomorrow, I better get rested up! Night!

Maybe it will work

I decided that I would at least put my name into the running of getting the incentive for working bonus shifts in the PICU. My family all thought I was crazy for giving it a second thought. Of course, I could be extremely tired and crabby for a month, but it could leave me with enough money to pay for my windows, which would make me less anxious and stressed out financially. So, what could be a rough month would JUST be a month and create some positives in the interim as well as after it is all done. The only problem is that the days I am available is quite limited. I already have other plans on most of my days off that cannot be changed. So, I have emails in to the director and both managers. Hopefully I will get some answers tomorrow.

I finally was able to go to Mass on Sunday and sing in the choir. Since I haven't been there in SO long, I just let the crazy choir lady sit in "my" chair...not sure I could try and claim it as mine after two months or so! It was nice to be there, although I did find out that one of my "favorite old ladies" died last week. When I was in grade school, my best friend and I talked about "favorite old ladies" who went to daily Mass. I don't remember who hers was, but I remembered those days whenever I saw this woman. She was an elegant woman (and obviously was a LOT older "old lady" fifteen to twenty years later!) and I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to attend her visitation or funeral. I should share that story with her children...although it would have been nice for me to share it with her, I'm sure they would appreciate it!

My mom, sister, and I went on a marathon shopping trip. I thought we were just going to one store (the store that was "my idea"). I didn't realize that we were then going to go to the mall as well. After three hours my feet couldn't take it any more and I had to sit while they finished shopping! (I think that means I DEFINITELY need to make a point to see the orthotics people for my feet some time soon!)

Tonight we had "family dinner" (tuna casserole!) and then I sat outside with my parents while we listened to a baseball game. I did three of my peer evaluations for work (two evaluations to go!).

Back to work tomorrow. I suppose I shouldn't get my hopes up about getting that bonus money, but I think it would be nice! I guess I'll find out tomorrow! Good night.

Just Because

Just because I haven't skipped a day of journaling/blogging in a long time, I am going to post. However, I'm VERY tired and should have gone to bed an hour ago (or more!). Work was good. There is an opportunity out there to get a $1000 bonus for working a certain number of extra shifts in the PICU. Sounds too good to pass up, but I'm not sure how it would work, since I have a lot of things going on this summer...I need to seriously think about the money, but also about my sanity. If it was on my floor I would do it in a heartbeat, but I'm not so sure about the PICU. I just emailed a bunch of questions to the Director and my Manager. Hopefully their answers, as well as some prayers, help me come to a decision quickly.

I was going to go out with some friends tonight, but we all ended up being too tired (again, that was over an hour ago and I'm STILL not in bed!). It's calling my name, so good night :o)

Ha Ha!! After I posted this, I looked at my "Quote of the Day"...it is--"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." ~William Penn--Isn't that the truth?! It is for me at least! Good night!

Moving On

So, I REALLY need to go to bed since I work tomorrow and it has been a long day, so this will be a "mostly pictures" entry. Today was the last day for one of our transplant fellows. I was happy to attend her party after I got off work. I am SO sad that she is leaving!! Somehow I managed to hold back the tears, but it definitely was hard for me! She is SO sweet and SUCH a great person AND surgeon. She ALWAYS made a point to talk to me whenever she came to the floor. She was always VERY respectful to the nursing staff, which is always appreciated. She listened whenever we voiced concerns or had different ideas about "the plan". Even when you KNEW she was exhausted from days of not sleeping she had a smile on her face, or at least you could sense the inner smile :o) While I am SO happy for her to be done with her fellowship, and her opportunity to be a staff surgeon at another facility, I am going to miss having her around. I thought about erasing some of these "not-so-good" photos (especially the one that I do not know the other people who decided to be in our photo!), but decided that was the "moment". I wish I had pulled my shirt down a little bit so the "rolls" aren't as evident, but I didn't want to take her away from the party for too long. I'm definitely glad it worked out for me to attend the party. I enjoyed talking to some of the other members of the transplant team while I was there. None of the surgeons could come since they were in the process of completing the fourth pediatric transplant in two days, in addition to however many adult transplants. It's a bit crazy around here in the transplant world!

Me with one of my "A-team" members on the transplant team.
I just love her :o) We were able to visit at the party, and that's probably
why I stayed so long. Still not a very good picture of me...I REALLY need
to do some working out (and diet watching!).

Good night!

For a Good Cause

That's what I have had to remind myself all day long. I think it is working, but I'm still planning to head to bed early. (However, my ONE goal for the day was to get all my laundry put away...haven't started doing that, so guess I need to stay awake long enough to accomplish my goal!)

I REALLY wanted to stay in bed today, but had an appointment to do apheresis at the hospital. This is my fourth time to donate my stem cells/white blood cells for research. My mom has done it about that many times as well. I have heard different stories about what they are doing with the cells, but the researchers are trying to make a vaccine for cancer (I have heard breast and also prostate, but either one is great). I'm not really into politics or getting into debates, but do not agree with embryonic stem cell research. So, when the opportunity came to assist researchers who are using non-embryonic stem cells, I felt it was something I should do. I am a person who doesn't like to complain about something without going to the source or trying to figure out how to deal with the issue. Therefore, it did not seem "right" for me to say that embryos should not be used for research but not help with obtaining alternate cells.

The process requires me to sit without use of either arm for nearly four hours. While I was able to rest a little bit, I had to help keep the blood flow going by squeezing my hand every 3-4 seconds. Last time I had to go to the bathroom halfway through, so that was not fun at all. This time my "issue" was nausea, some tingling in my mouth and hands, and muscle cramps in my arms. I did pretty well until the last hour and that's when I got really restless. I was able to finish the process, but all I wanted to do was come home and sleep.

And so that is what I did. I slept for almost 2 1/2 hours and felt quite a bit better when I woke up. I'm still not feeling "great", but I will be fine, especially since it was for a good cause. (The last couple times I donated, there were adults with cancer having their stem cells collected prior to chemo...I'm sure their experience is a LOT worse than mine, considering they probably already feel pretty icky before going through this process...plus I think they have to do it a number of days in a row...counting my blessings for sure!).

I had my friend and her girls over for dinner. The baby has been off the ventilator so they have been able to hold him. He is still in the PICU, but doing okay. The girls had a fun time playing in my basement, and I got to play a couple games of UNO. Her girls are VERY sweet, so hopefully we will be able to hang out again.

Me and my friend :o)

Okay, time to put away the laundry and go to bed! Good night!

A Little Intense

Well, I had the opportunity to stay home today and BOY was I tempted! However, today I had a new student starting with me. She will work with me for about six weeks, and I didn't think that would be quite fair to have her try and find someone else on her first day!

"Bad" sign number one...three patients went to the surgery/PICU between 6 and 7 AM...not a good way to end the shift, or a great way to start one. Then, we started off the day with one patient, which is never really a good thing since that means admission #1 (and maybe #3 or 4 or 5) came to me. Luckily our one patient was very self-sufficient because she was "neglected" for much of the 3 1/2 hours our first admission was on the floor. He ended up getting a temperature close to 105 degrees with a heart rate over 200 and we no longer could get a blood pressure with the machine...to the PICU he went. That was a pretty intense couple of hours, but there was a LOT of teamwork going on which was AWESOME! :o)

So, that left me with one patient yet again. I ate lunch and got ready for "round two". My next admission was getting admitted for transplant. This usually involves a mad rush to get all the labs and tests done, sometimes with the patient going to surgery very quickly. So, another intense hour or so trying to make sure everything was done in a timely manner. Of course, this happen to coincide with the time I needed to do some important things with my other patient (the one "nurse thing" I had to do with her all day and I was LATE...I was SO annoyed!). To make matters worse, I was slowed down by a nurse who decided she needed to learn about the process of admitting a child pre-transplant...NOT when I'm on a time crunch please!... Learning is very good, but there is a time and place for that, and this was not a good time! In the end, everything that needed to get done got done, but it was a little stressful at times.

Did I mention that today was the first day my student was working with me?! Yeah, didn't some crazy stuff happen the LAST time a student started working with me?! I did quite a bit of delegating, but she definitely had a lot of GREAT learning experiences! (It isn't every day--thank goodness--that a patient gets septic with all the "classic signs" of sepsis, you get to watch a femoral line get placed "emergently", you admit a patient for transplant, OR administering a med that requires every thirty minute blood pressure monitoring...and ALL of these things happened TODAY!!).

Now I am wondering how I can still be awake since it is almost 11:00! My mom came over when I got off and helped me move some branches to the curb (they are making a special pick-up because of the recent storms). I talked to my sister and brother-in-law since he has had a couple "lightheaded"/dizzy episodes this week and they were looking for some "nursing" advice. Then, I talked to my friend who works in the foster care department at the agency I am hoping to complete my licensing through. I ran into her today when she was visiting a patient, but we didn't have time to talk. So, we ended up talking for 30 minutes this evening. It sounds like the woman who does home studies has been really busy doing other things. That works for me since I haven't quite been ready to do that, but some days I feel more ready than others. I still wish my parents were "on board", but I guess it COULD be possible to do it without them, it would just be better with their help and support.

Tomorrow morning I am doing a stem cell donation for research. That involves sitting in one place without use of either arm for over 4 hours...I'm not really excited about it, but hopefully it goes well! Good night!

Nice Day

I guess that is a fitting title...sometimes I have a hard time with the title (okay, a LOT of times I have a hard time with the title...probably at least partially since I don't always know what I will type!).

Today was "nice". I got to sleep in, but made it to Curves to work out. I did get "weighed and measured" and was not happy with the results, but not at ALL surprised (since I started working out there in November of 2003 I have gained 7.5 pounds and gained 7.5 inches...I don't think they will put me in any of their advertisements!). I suppose if you don't go to the work out place regularly and don't eat a very healthy diet, then you do not lose weight or inches!! Go figure! Of course, there have been times that I have been "smaller" than I am now and at least I have a starting place to go from (you aren't supposed to carry your "winter weight" and add a few pounds for the summer!). Anyway, enough about that...however, it was EXTRA good that I went to Curves today...

because when I was leaving, I looked across the parking lot at the Goodwill (we usually look out the window occasionally while working out to see if anyone brings any cool things there). I noticed a car that looked like my aunt's...and a person who kind of looked like my aunt...wait a second, it IS my aunt!! She said that she had never been to that Goodwill, and would not have been there at that time or in that area of town were in not for certain errands/delays. As my mom would say, it was "serendipity"! My aunt figured she was "meant" to run into me (she lives about 20 miles from where we found each other!), so she took me out for brunch. That was fun! They are working on their basement and were meeting with the City Council tonight about the flooding that occurred last week at their home. I need to set aside time during one of my days off to go help.

I got my lawn mowed and watered my flowers. I attended the visitation for my former classmate's dad this afternoon. He passed away on Sunday morning. I visited with her for a while and met her husband. They live in Washington DC, but she has been here for a couple weeks and will stay until the weekend. I'm not sure if we will be able to get together again before she leaves, but it was nice to "reconnect" while she was in town (even though it was not for a very happy reason, except for the fact that her father is now in Heaven). One of our other classmates arrived at the visitation while I was there. Her father passed away a couple years ago, so they shared some tears. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to my dad...hopefully I won't have to think about that for a LONG LONG LONG time!

My softball team lost our fourth game in a row. It was still fun except the other team was pretty annoying.

I didn't do anything around my house (I'm actually not sure WHAT I was doing during those hours of "down time"!). I have a LARGE mess to deal with before my party which is in nine days!

Back to work tomorrow. I have a new student starting with me. Hopefully we have a good day. Good night!

At the Ballpark

This afternoon, I went to a baseball game with a couple of my friends. It was a pretty exciting game (although I did nearly fall asleep at one point since I was missing my nap time!). I did take a short nap before heading to the softball field. My dad coaches two teams, and tonight one of them had a double-header. So, I watched baseball from 1-5 and softball from 6:30-10. I took a "power nap" in between. That's a LOT of being outside so I'm sure I will have no trouble sleeping tonight (unless my body doesn't want to sleep after all the unhealthy food I put into it today...only one thing I ate today could be considered part of a "meal"...everything else was large amounts of snack food). Actually, all three of "my" teams lost, so I guess that means I went 0-4 in cheering/coaching. Oh well, I know the girls had fun :o)

I am having a party at my house in 10 days and the invitations have not been sent. SO, I'd better spend a few minutes before I go to bed and address them. Then I can mail them tomorrow...and should start doing some cleaning and menu planning!

Good night.

Father's Day

I wish I wasn't so tired, because I should/could really write a nice little tribute to my dad on Father's Day. I have journalled many times about the activities I do with my dad. I love going to help him coach, having him coach me, going to the horse races, watching baseball together, sitting on the back porch having a drink, attending sporting events, movies, church...my dad and I have a GREAT time together. While I can't REALLY compare my father to the "icon" that is/was Tim Russert, he is definitely a staple in junior high athletics here. Pretty much anyone who attended a Catholic school in this city during the past fifteen or so years has seen, heard about, or knows my dad. This first picture is him at a restaurant for my brother-in-law's birthday. He was teasing the waiter and tried to "toss" his dirty plate across the table. The young waiter didn't catch the plate (oops), so my dad decided to find a broom and clean it himself. He enjoyed being the center of attention (he always does!).

Who else would decided to bleach his hair blond for his daughter's wedding in order to be the "blond bond". The next photo is him dancing with "my hot mama" at my sister's wedding. How wonderful it is that my parents love each other so much. The LOVE hanging out together and I think that is SO neat!! Yep, that's my dad...he definitely encouraged the "second looks" during those few months when his "signature" black hair was traded for the platinum look. (Most people agree that he looks MUCH better now that it is back to being black...even if it is a little "salt-and-pepper"!) He loves to dance and have a great time. My dad is rarely serious. (I think my mom will be happy that I kept her face off this blog entry!)

My dad thinks he started the Hawaiian shirt trend. He has WAY more pairs of shoes than I do, in every color of the rainbow. He has a closet full of sport jackets from the Goodwill. Today I asked him how many baseball caps he has. He told me he has never counted, but he thought "over 200". Whenever someone finds out that "he" is MY dad, they usually say "I LOVE him!", or something else to that effect. He makes an impression on everyone he meets, and I'm SO proud to be able to say that he is MY dad (and my sister's too!!).

The last photo is my dad and sister from Easter. For some reason there isn't one of me and him, but this works :o) I think we are BOTH happy to be playing softball together this year again with him as our coach.

Tonight after work, my mom made hamburger patties and my dad grilled them. After she and I ate, we sat outside. He had a cocktail, we had wine, and we fought off the mosquitos and June bugs (and other random annoying bugs), but had a nice visit.

One of the girls who came to my reunion has a dad in hospice. At least four other girls in my class have lost their fathers. While I am sure some how you have to continue on, I'm not sure how I would. My dad is SO important to me, and I depend on him for SO much. (My sister and I have already had "the talk" with our parents that they have to live forever because we couldn't survive without them!) Happy Father's Day dad (even though you don't read my blog because I've never give you the link!). I'm so blessed that God gave you to me (and me to you...)!

SO fun!

Tonight was the first of two outings planned for my 10-year High School Reunion. There were 64 girls in my graduating class. One of the girls passed away nearly 6 years ago. If I counted correctly, there were 24 of us there for dinner/drinks and then 12 of us went on to a bar nearby. I had a GREAT time, and I think everyone else did too. We were all surprised that people chose not to come...pretty silly, we all thought! We are all 10 years older and are now "grown ups" instead of "teenagers". Of course, after we did some "mingling" we ended up kind of in the same "tables" we sat at during high school, but that didn't last for very long. We had quite the "cross-section" of 12 girls at the "after party"...girls from many different "groups" gathered together to laugh and have a good time. It didn't matter that I never talked to one of the girls during high school because tonight we had a very nice visit for nearly 1o minutes. Does that mean we are now "best friends"?! Probably not, but it was great. I feel sorry for those who chose not to experience this (obviously, some people couldn't come because they live too far away, but there were quite a few people who live here who basically decided they weren't going to come to a 10-year reunion).

I'm very excited about tomorrow night (except for the singing part at Mass because that could be a disaster!). Tomorrow morning, I am meeting friends for breakfast (actually, we are meeting eight hours from now, so I better get to thinking about going to bed!). That should be fun as well.

On a different note, I have been watching coverage on MSNBC about the sudden death of Tim Russert. It is really sad, especially seeing how much his death has affected all these people in the media and politics. It sounds like he was a TERRIFIC man who had tremendous faith and dedicated to his family and friends.

Laurie, I'm glad my slide show made you feel special. I think that's one of my jobs in life :o) Thanks for the compliments! I'm pretty proud of it too. I'm not so sure about that red chair...it's actually kind of maroon...it was an outcast at a garage sale and is not in perfect condition. I believe my sister and brother-in-law will be getting rid of some green recliners...maybe I will take one or two of them! I need to go back to Target tomorrow and buy some more "bins". They aren't cheap, but I think they look nice in there.

Okay, off to bed! Good night!

This One's For...

Laurie in CA... While the "Play Room Project" remains a "work in progress", it looks pretty darn good today, so I decided to make a slide show. Of course, I SHOULD have/COULD have been working on my high school stuff, but that is pretty much a lost cause. The first couple photos are the basement when it was mostly my sister's "space". The red rocker is a bit out of place color-wise, but I got it for $5 at a garage sale nearly 5 years ago, so I guess it will be first to go when I'm ready make things match :o) The black pillows are "hiding" my wireless hook-up. Enjoy :o)

Bit by Bit

I left the TV on all night listening to the coverage of the storms. So, my sleep was kind of crazy (I'm pretty sure I dreamt about the stuff they were talking about on TV). However, after waking up multiple times through the night, somehow I slept until nearly 11...oops, didn't mean to do that! I moved VERY slowly this morning, and didn't accomplish nearly as much as I needed/wanted to. I put a second coat of paint on a shelf for the play room, so hopefully that is enough coats and I can put it in there tomorrow, and then put the "bins" I bought on the shelves. I bought an "activity table" to go with the two little chairs I bought at a garage sale. Laurie, I PROMISE one of these days I will get that finished and make a slide show of the "play room project"!

I am going to have a "jewelry party" at my house two weeks from today. That will be a good incentive to get things organized! Unfortunately, the girl came late dropping off the invitations, so I didn't get to go work out this afternoon. Oh well, it isn't like I'd be able to lose any weight before tomorrow anyway...

This weekend is my 10-year High School Reunion. I am SO excited, although quite annoyed at myself for not having made some kind of scrapbook (ten years apparently was NOT enough time to do that!). I spent quite a bit of time searching my parent's house trying to even FIND where my stuff is. I found a few things, but not exactly what I wanted (I had these two binders that had probably had EVERY SINGLE program or Mass we had those four years. I also had our final newspaper that had what we thought we would be doing in 10 years...I SO wanted to find that paper!). Tomorrow night we are having "Girls Night" at a Mexican restaurant. That isn't until 6:30, so I suppose I can see what I can put together as far as "high school memorabilia" goes. I think my mom "cropped" all the photos and they are in envelopes. I don't really want to mess up that system, but it would be nice to have something to bring with me (especially since I think I WAS the one who took the most pictures during high school!).

I did find a note I gave to all of the girls in my class at our Senior Retreat. Our class motto was "Always shoot for the moon, for even if we miss, we'll still land among the stars". I included this poem that I don't really remember having, but it seems very appropriate for what has been going on with me.

THE SECRET OF LIVING
Make each day a magnificent adventure,
Accept the challenges that come your way,
Seize each opportunity that you find,
Without concern for what others might say.

Experience each day with open arms,
Savoring both victory and strife,
Welcoming the good and bad together,
For only then will you know the joy of life.

I just remembered that I have clothes in the wash from earlier. I need one of the shirts for tomorrow, so probably should take care of that! It's almost 11:30 anyway, so good night!

Long Day

I am SO glad that I do not have to go back to work until Sunday because today was a "doozy"!!

There were just two nurses in my area and the other one is probably the person I like the least of everyone who works on my floor. I don't think she is too crazy about me either. I usually try not to work with her, or at least make sure there is another nurse there as a "buffer". So, it was a "quiet day" in terms of any visiting going on because I actually don't think we spoke more than two words to each other all day. That could have made for a VERY long, boring day had I not been SUPER busy with my three patients. So it was not hard to stay out of her way.

I did a LOT of extra coordinating today that was probably beyond what I am "supposed" to do. However, it seemed like no one was going to do it, and it was to help the patient and her family, so I did it. That took probably an entire hour of my day from start-to-finish. I spoke pretty bluntly about my efforts to the person whose job it is to "coordinate". She didn't really see this as part of "her" duties, but I managed to draw a nice thank you out of her. My efforts also should "save" someone from another rampage like the one a doctor went on this morning. It wasn't meant to be directed at me (at least I hope it wasn't considering this doctor is my "favorite"...most of the time!), but it was there and if I saved someone else from that, then that is a job worth doing.

One of my patients began to get REALLY sick around 4:30. Of course, I couldn't depend on the other nurse in my area to help me. Luckily, the charge nurse was willing to come help me get the patient stabilized. She was starting to get better and then we went into a tornado warning. By that time we kind of knew what to do to help her, but we had to do it out in the nurse's station after our "evacuation". That tornado warning was in effect until 9:15, so for over 2 hours we had two shifts of nurses there. That was good since we got an initial call for a large number of casualties. They ended up taking the patients to other hospitals since they were more stable than initially thought. So, all of the "day shift" staff were allowed to leave after being there for nearly 15 hours! (Luckily I am not scheduled to work tomorrow!)

The storm is still going strong, so I think I'll be up for a while. Maybe I should do a better "set-up" in my basement in case the warning alarm sounds again (so I won't have to search for my necessary items and maybe will even blow up a mattress so I don't have to sleep on the floor!).

Prayers to everyone who has been affected by all the storms that have been passing through my area of the country. Water, wind, and hail can do SO much destruction and devastate homes and families. My parents are in Vegas right now, and luckily they only had a small amount of water in their basement when I checked it on my way home.

It could be a long night! Good night!

A little of this, a little of that

I did a lot of stuff today, but have to type fast since it is nearly 11:30 and I work tomorrow!

I brought my parents to the airport at 8:30. I then went and worked out for the first time in a couple weeks. I stopped by the movie theater to get a gift card for my brother-in-law's birthday. I painted the first coat of a shelf for my play room. I organized the Barbies and dolls (that took me a lot longer than it should have, but I enjoyed looking at all the stuff I used to play with!). I talked to one of my friends from the hospital I hadn't talked to in a while. She went on a much needed vacation and seems to be doing better. Hopefully we can get together soon. I talked to one of my high school teachers and she is going to invite some of the other teachers to our reunion for me (I didn't help with the planning and no one invited them!). I helped out at a Child Life Beach Party at the hospital for a couple hours which was really fun. I stole one of the patients who is outpatient right now and held her for a long time (I think her mom may have been a little worried I actually was going to steal her!). My softball team played the same team we played last week. Last week we lost 0-20 after the "mercy rule" went into effect after 30 minutes. Today we played the entire 60 minutes and lost 12-13, so MUCH better and MUCH more fun!

Okay, so I was productive, but I had a LOT of other ideas of what I should have gotten accomplished today. I have Thursday and Friday off, so will work on the rest of my house then, but for now the basement looks pretty darn good!

Back to work tomorrow...I hope I can get my patients back from yesterday. I'll have to get there early! Good night!

It Worked!

I received that 5:15 AM phone call asking if I wanted to stay home. I had prepared myself for that phone call and had made a decision...or so I thought! I decided that if I could pick my two patients, including the girl I had the past two days, then more likely than not I would have a good day at work and it would be worth getting out of bed and going. Unfortunatly, my decision became tougher after I woke up at 4:30 feeling the yuck in my stomach again and realizing that it was too late to call in sick. At that point, there wasn't much I could do...too late to call in sick, but did I REALLY want to take the chance of having to go to work later in the day and not get "my girl"?! By 5:15 I had gotten some more sleep and was feeling better, so I "took a chance". And, it worked!!

The charge nurse gave me "first dibbs" on deciding if I wanted the first admission or not. It sounded like an "easy" one so I jumped at that, especially knowing I would have most of the shift to catch up/put out any unexpected fires (of course, sometimes that ends up not being reality, but it this case it was!). I didn't have to fight any fires and overall it was a good day. While this one patient's situation makes me sad, her attitude about things makes me wish she would have been around last week! However, I probably wouldn't have appreciated it last week, so the timing was perfect.

I planned to go on a walk with my mom (I NEED to do some exercising this week...not ONLY because my 10-year high school reunion is this week but because I feel like a moose or a whale or an elephant or some other equally large animal!). However, that is when it decided to storm again. It was a short storm, but we would have gotten caught in it if we had walked. My dad made steak and hamburger for dinner...nothing else, just beef...I'm sure THAT is a great way to start a healthy eating plan! Good thing I'm not really planning that!

They are leaving for Las Vegas in the morning. I'm driving them to the airport. I wish I was going with them. However, I don't really like talking to them about Vegas because it brings back memories of hurt feelings. Last summer, my parents went there with my sister and her then fiance. I was told I could not go with them, so it hurts whenever they talk about that trip. I LOVE hanging out with my dad and would have a TON of fun with him in Vegas. My mom would be fun too. So, I love Vegas, but then I don't. Well, nothing like putting a damper on a nice day!

It's late and I should go to bed. My friend is back in town with her girls, but I have not spoken with her. I will close with a photo of us before she left. Now she has a car and four kids here, so I'm sure things will be different, but probably a really fun different :o) Hopefully her little boy gets better soon so we can ALL "hang out"! Good night. (okay, just kidding...I haven't uploaded those photos yet!). Instead, here is a photo of my sister and me at dinner on Friday. She is SO expressive and I look like a huge nerd...I wish I could make silly faces like that and still look cool!

Yep, that's my sister!

Blah

Just realized yesterday was my 250th post...I missed it, but WOW! That's a lot of "writing about nothing"!!

Last night's storm turned into a tornado. So, after tossing and turning to finally fall asleep, I was awakened to sirens at 2:30 AM. For some reason, only one of the news stations was doing live coverage of the storm. I was VERY tempted to stay in bed considering I had to work this morning. However, the fact that a VERY large tree hovers over my bedroom, I decided I didn't want to chance being "that girl"...you know, the one who gets hit by a tree while sleeping in her bedroom while the alarms for a tornado are going off. So, I grabbed a flashlight, a radio, two pillows, and a blanket and headed down to the basement. Since the "play room" does not have a couch, I camped out on the floor for an hour or so. Then I went back to bed for a couple hours before I had to get up for work.

My stomach has been kind of "queasy" or "achy" or something crazy, so I feel pretty "blah". My neck and back that had STARTED to get better is back to hurting. Sleeping on the floor did NOTHING to help that, even if it was for a short time. I just did not feel well, so nearly jumped at the chance to go home early from work (8 patients, 5 nurses...someone had to leave!). My only stipulation was that I'd get my one patient back tomorrow (I had her yesterday and today...I sent home four patients in two days). She is SO sweet! Of course I HAVE to get "tuned in" to the emotional side of my patients. Sometimes I wish it weren't that way, but guess that must be the way God made me! This patient is a young teenager who is dealing with her first hospitalization without her mom who passed away suddenly a couple months ago. Today she made reference to her mom a couple times, so I KNOW she is missing her. I talk to my mom pretty much every day and would want her there if I were ever in the hospital. This girl is SO strong and it is so amazing to me.

So, I got home around 3:00 and finished watching my movie. I fell asleep around 5 and was to have dinner with my family at 6, but didn't wake up until almost 7...oops! I still feel kind of "blah", but did eat dinner and a cupcake :o) Hopefully I won't have any trouble falling asleep since I took such a late nap.

I hope I get out of this "funk" soon. I think my friend with the baby picked a good week to be gone, because I would not have been very good for her. She will be back tomorrow with her girls.

Well, this crabby girl needs to go to bed. Sleep can do wonderful things, right?! :o) Good night!

Another Storm

The storm clouds are rolling in again. Tonight I decided to take a couple pictures. I don't think the pictures quite do the storm justice, but you get the idea. The clouds are SO cool and they are moving very quickly (there was a short rainstorm right before this photo, and I think I hear the rain coming down again now.)

It seems like we are having storms a lot lately. I guess it is fitting considering my mood has been what you could call "stormy". I would have to say that I'm feeling "better" seeing as I haven't cried in a day or two, but I don't think it would take much (I suppose that's called "hormones"!)

Anyway work was rather busy today. It ended up turning out fine for me (one of the other nurses was still pretty crazy when I got to leave). Back to work again tomorrow...and then again the next day.

I checked out a movie from the grocery store (they have this thing where you can rent a movie for $1 a night...so cool!). I couldn't get the DVD to work in my living room where my computer is, so will have to watch it from bed (good luck staying awake for that!). I had my windows open and I think the temperature reached 90 degrees today. It is SO humid with the weather, so my house is pretty much a sauna. I did turn the air on, but it is taking a while to cool down.

Good night!

Productive Day

I actually got out of bed at a fairly decent hour for a "day off" (about 8:30!). I went to a couple garage sales after my first cup of coffee. I was in search of a "kitchen set" and/or table for my play room. I ended up buying a little piano for a dollar and made plans to go to another one in the afternoon since my aunt was on her way to my house.

My aunt arrived a little before 10 and we got to work. She helped me weed and get rid of a bunch of "twirly birds" from my gigantic maple tree. She planted some "transplants" from her garden into mine, and also mowed the part of my lawn that is the most challenging. I am not shy about saying that yard work is not my thing (I told my mom the other day that I don't know how to do house work OR yard work...she laughed and said "I failed you"!). Actually, it wasn't bad since I was doing it with someone else. Now, for me to go outside on my own time and do all that kind of stuff...I've been REALLY lucky that it has rained so much (or, rather, my PLANTS are lucky it has rained so much!) because I am not good at remembering to water. My mom said she and my dad are planning to come over on Monday to do some more work in my yard, and clean out my gutters (I'll be at work, so won't be able to help that time...too bad!).

After my aunt left, I finished mowing the lawn, then took a shower before heading to my next garage sale. When I pulled up to the sale, right away I noticed the "kitchen set"...I was SO excited I could barely park quickly enough! Earlier I had decided that I would be willing to spend about $20. The price tag on the kitchen...yep, $20! Perfect, I'll take it!! I also got a little grocery cart, a basketball onesie, and a crib sheet for a pack 'n play to make an even $25 at that sale. I stopped by mom and dad's since my favorite three dolls seem to be missing. I still was not able to locate them, but am trying not to get too upset yet because maybe my mom has more places to look. I stopped by another garage sale on my way home and picked up two little toddler chairs for $6--now I know why people love "garage sale-ing"!!

By this time, I was MORE than ready for a nap! So, I took a nice one on the couch :o) We went out for dinner and to the casino for my brother-in-law's birthday. Some fun photos were taken, but it is after 11:00 and I should head to bed rather than upload them. MAYBE tomorrow won't be a crazy day at work and I will have enough energy to do that when I get off (I also still need to work on a slide show of my basement project...maybe I'll wait to post it until after I get my dolls, Barbies, kitchen, and shelves all set up).

I have to work the next three days...the last time I worked three in a row, I thought my feet were going to fall off. Hopefully it will be sometime between that kind of day, and the kind of day that I can't check my email often enough. Emotionally, I'm doing better...now I'm sure that my hormones played a role in my being overly emotional, but that doesn't mean the situation is any less sad or shocking.

Good night!

Stormy Weather

We are having another storm here. Luckily, the tornadoes have stayed away from my "neck of the woods", so I have been free to enjoy the thunder, lightning, and rain that I enjoy so much.

I have still been pretty emotional about the events of earlier this week. Last night I had a dream that the husband of my best friend from high school passed away suddenly. It TOTALLY freaked me out, even though I KNOW that it is a combination of all the stress, plus the fact I was thinking about him yesterday while I was at work (he got a broken leg in a car accident a couple years ago and yesterday I took care of a teenager with a broken leg from a car accident). So, the dream "makes sense" in that way, but it didn't help my emotions at all. I did call to make sure he was okay, and not sick. He is feeling fine. That is GREAT news.

I also had a dream about a friend from work who has had a couple miscarriages. I didn't get a chance to call her today, but I will. We had talked about getting together for lunch in June, so maybe we can make some plans. (My dad told me a story of a guy at work who knows a girl who died suddenly at home a few days ago two weeks after a miscarriage...as IF I needed something else to think about!)

I had my meeting at work today where I am "in charge". My "co-chair" was REALLY making it hard for me to LEAD because she would NOT let an issue go when the rest of the committee was more than ready to move on. I actually think I handled myself well, and I'm sure the fact that everyone else was on my side helped! This whole "being a team leader" thing is a really good experience for me. This past year I have gotten a lot better at defending myself as well as holding myself together during difficult conversations. I am sure the next nine months will provide me with many more learning opportunities and growth in my confidence and communicating effectively. I'm kind of excited about that!

I went to lunch with "the baby's" dad. We went out for sushi and it was yummy :o) The baby is on the ventilator still, but hopefully he will be off by the time his sisters get here on Monday.

I washed my old Barbie and doll clothes so they can be put into bins in my new play room. Maybe I can stop by a garage sale or two tomorrow to see if I can find a table and chairs or something like that for down there.

My dad and I went to the simulcast horse races, which is always fun. We won two races that paid for my dinner and our drinks along with all our other "bets".

Well, maybe I'll watch a movie tonight. My aunt was planning to come over tomorrow morning to help me plant a few things (maybe she will help me with some other stuff while she is here!).

Good night :o)

Light Show

There is so much lightning the sky is lit up! The thunder is coming close behind, so the storm is getting VERY close. I'm thinking that means my computer needs to go off and I need to snuggle up on the couch and watch a funny movie. I managed to make it through the day without any tears (even though it was SO busy that I am surprised I didn't cry about that!). More tomorrow. I'm going to go enjoy the thunderstorm!

Good night.

Not for the Money

I didn't post again yesterday because I couldn't bring myself to type something that would replace that entry at the top of my blog. Even today I went back and read my words. I am still SO sad and the tears are SO close to the surface. I'm actually kind of nervous about going back to work tomorrow. I'm afraid that if someone looks at me the wrong way I will start crying! I'm a little glad that my friend with the baby is not here. I know her husband would appreciate some of my time, but there isn't any "expectation" there (not that my friend really NEEDS me, but I have been there...plus, she doesn't need to be dealing with me and my issues right now). I just don't really feel too social (although I am SO grateful for my friend who allowed me to bring my Taco Bell to her house last night for a late dinner, crying, and visiting!) By the way, the baby is back on the ventilator. So much for my idea to light a fire under those in control in the PICU to send him up to the floor (he WAS doing fine and it seemed silly to be "hanging out" in the PICU when his parents could be learning how to take care of him on my floor). Anyway, just another thing for me to "stew about".

I didn't get up until 11:00 this morning. Not really because I was THAT tired, but because I could (I was up until after 1:00, so I SUPPOSE it isn't too unreasonable to be in bed that long). I actually woke up at a fairly decent hour, but kept making myself go back to sleep. (Newsflash--sleeping half the day away does not take away the sadness, or the clutter, or really make you feel better at all...). Anyway, probably the only reason I got up at that time was because I had to sign some paperwork for my new windows. That, and I'm sure I was hungry and had to go to the bathroom. I then spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon just hanging out on the couch watching TV, so it isn't like I actually got up and DID anything...

I went to the doctor for my "annual physical". Somehow I weigh the same as I did the last time I went (not a GREAT weight, but at least I didn't gain any!). The person who measured me decided against "fudging" an extra 1/4 inch and charted me as 59 3/4 inches (thanks a lot! "That's what it says" was her response when I questioned if she could do a little rounding!). I was checked out from head to toe--including my neck/back (mostly likely muscular from painting) all the way down to my bunions (she gave me the name of a place that can recommend some good shoes or supports for me) and of course the fun stuff in between.

I was able to talk to the gentleman's wife, son, and daughter briefly at his visitation before I had to leave for my softball game. My aunt and uncle met me there, which was really nice. Last night, I went and cried with the ladies at Hallmark when I bought my sympathy card, then wrote quite a long note. During our short visit, his wife agreed that I was "meant" to be his nurse that day. I wrote something similar to that in my note. Even though it hurts SO much right now (although I'm not really sure why this is affecting me so dramatically...it actually seems a little ridiculous, but at least I live alone so nearly all of my bawling has been in private), God had a plan, and His plan involved me meeting them, having them help me through my experience of working with adults, and grieve over his death. I suppose each loss I have "experienced", whether from near or far, someone I have met briefly, known a long time, or never really met has taught me something. This one will probably be no different than those.

Wow, I sure hope typing all this is helping me because it is pretty depressing!

Anyway, I need to go to bed soon (and I'm sure I'll sleep well after all the crying, plus it was REALLY hot at the softball game...we lost by the "mercy rule" 0-20...ouch!), so I should get to the point of the title.

The little one was picked up a little before 6:30 last night. I had no idea how much money I would get for this "experience". I didn't really even think about a "price" just so I wouldn't get disappointed, or have to put someone on the spot. I hope my jaw didn't hit the floor when she told her husband how much to write the check for. I feel kind of badly writing this on my journal, so I will leave it a little vague...for the number of hours I was responsible for her, I received a little over a dollar an hour. To be fair, I looked through my foster parent information. On one of the papers, it looks like the foster parents of a child her age and needs would receive close to $250 a month; on that same paper, looking at the amount provided for "respite care" each month, I received almost twice that amount for three nights. Anyway, obviously you do not do foster care for the money, and I guess you don't do "respite care" for money either! Being a mom pays you "zero dollars", so even getting $1/hr is "bonus", right?!

Yay, that paragraph made me smile (I've been crying for pretty much the entire thirty minutes I've been typing)! Back to work tomorrow...hopefully there will be some nice fun happy people there to help keep my mind off the events of the past two days. At least it is just one day, then I'm off on Thursday and Friday.

Good night.

Shocked

and Amazed; Sad and Hopeful; Blessed and Broken; Overwhelmed and Emotional...so many feelings, so hard to explain.

I will write about the rest of my respite care experience later, but for now I must journal about something else. I am feeling sick to my stomach and have been unable to hold back the tears. Journaling (and crying) seems to help, so that is what I will do.

I wrote a little bit about my "float" to the "adult world" on Friday. I went back and read my journal and realized that I was probably "rushing" in order to go to bed at a decent time and left out a few details of that experience. The gentleman who was a little older than my dad was the NICEST guy. He was a little "loopy" from some of the drugs, but had a GREAT sense of humor. He was so full of life, and hopeful of the treatments that would cure his illness. This hospitalization was to be a short one, and he was looking forward to spending time with his children and grandchild before his next round of treatments. His wife was SUCH a sweetheart, and VERY patient with him. I am sure it was challenging to see her previously healthy and independent husband requiring assistance to do simple tasks. The doctor gave them a good report while I was there, and I celebrated those words with them. I was also there when their minister was there and prayed silently as they prayed together. I had to spend much of the day in his room because I had to give a couple blood transfusions. I didn't care, though, because they were such nice people. (I even teased them and said something like "Good thing you are nice people since I had to spend the whole day with you!"). His wife said something really nice to me before I left. I'm not sure exactly what her words were, but something like "being the bright spot" in their day. He even "made" me give him a hug before I left for the night. How sweet is that?!

Since that is not my floor, that is how it could have ended. I would have assumed he would get out of the hospital "mid-week" and carry on. Maybe I would run into them some time when he was there for another treatment, but probably not. An experience working with a nice couple, which helped make a not fun day MUCH more tolerable.

Fast forward to today. I brought the little one to my aunt and uncle's house for lunch. My aunt and I cannot remember what we were talking about, but "some how" she said she had to go to the visitation for someone they know from my uncle's work. She said his name and it COMPLETELY caught me off-guard. It is a very uncommon last name, so I had her repeat it. I asked her what had happened...then I managed to say "I was his nurse on Friday" before bursting into tears. Apparently early yesterday morning (Sunday) he started bleeding and died. At first, my aunt wasn't sure when he had passed away. (If he had died the shift after I had him I think I would feel some how responsible, or at least questioned if there was something I had missed. Even now, I wonder...)

I am shocked. Shocked that this kind woman, his "young" children, his infant grandchild have lost someone so wonderful, so suddenly. Shocked too that my aunt "happened" to say something, or I never would have known (I don't get the newspaper and don't REALLY make a habit of reading the online obituaries.) How blessed I am to have spent an entire day with this couple. Blessed that now I will be able to give my condolences to the family. I have hardly been able to stop crying since I heard the news. However, I now wear a ring that says "HOPE"; for all who believe, there is hope. Hope for healing, either in this world, or most definitely in the next.

Well, apparently the little one does not want to take a nap. I suppose I should try and pull myself together and go play.

Still Smiling

But a LITTLE more tired than yesterday! I REALLY should have taken a nap when she did this afternoon, but that is when I took my shower. I am going to try to go to bed earlier than I did last night (especially since I put her to bed earlier, so she will probably wake up earlier!).

Anyway, today was good. I let her talk for a while in her crib because I could NOT get up (but, it was 7:45 when I finally did, so it isn't like it was LATE!). The temperature was near 90 degrees today, so we did limit our outdoor activities (mostly because I do not like hot weather very much, but also because she has such fair skin and I don't want to be responsible for a sunburn!). My dad cooked us breakfast and my mom let us hang out with her for a while. We did go to the park for a little while (before she had her "I need a nap" little meltdown). I tried taking her to another graduation party, but it was at a sand volleyball place and I started dripping sweat the moment we got there, so it was definitely more my decision to leave than hers because she would have had fun in the sand! We had "family dinner" with my parents, sister, and brother-in-law (tuna casserole, what else?!).

I put her to bed around 8:30 after a bath, but she talked in there until about 9:45. I watched a movie (I can't remember the last time I watched a movie!) and ate popcorn. It's after 11 and I'm "pooped"! Tomorrow my aunt said we can come to her house for lunch. That will be fun (and probably a little "break" for me!).

Both of us still have smiles on our faces, so I guess that means things are going okay :O)

Good night!

What are the chances

a two-year-old can be an ANGEL two days in a row?! (or, make that THREE days in a row please!)

My "little one" was awake sometime before 7:30. I woke up a few times before that, and let her talk in her port-a-crib for a little while before getting up. I turned on the light, threw in a few more toys, and hopped in the shower. We ate breakfast and were at the park before 9:00. We stopped at the grocery store on our walk back home and then at a garage sale. It was three houses up the street, and we actually went there three times! I had never met the family, but they look to be near my age and have three kids (go figure...who knew?! I'm obviously not a very good neighbor! Now they know a single pediatric nurse lives three doors down!). I bought quite a few things, including some sippy cups (at the grocery store I bought 2 for $6 and they were selling theirs for 25 cents each! I'm definitely returning those cups!). I bought an infant car seat for $10 and a bouncy seat for $5. I have been doing a LOT of research of things like that, including looking on "craigslist". I think car seats are kind of difficult to buy used, so I was nervous about doing that. However, I have seen this family, and it looks like it has been taken care of. I'm excited about my purchases (and, they "fit" with everything else I have bought--the stroller and port-a-crib are navy blue with cows, the car seat is navy blue with stars, and the bouncy seat is navy blue gingham!)

We went and "helped" my mom while she did some yard work (weeding and planting...we watered!). She went down for a nap around 1:30 and got up a little after 3. We played in the basement for a while, then went to a graduation party. She was SO cute there, talking to everyone. She is SUCH a friendly girl and has the most striking blue eyes (I wish I could take a picture, but since she is in foster care, that is probably not a good idea...I COULD try to just take a picture of her eyes, but am not sure if I can do that). After that, we met up with my friend and her husband for dinner at Applebees. They ended up sitting by her, and I was "inside" the booth. So, she held their hands while we prayed and continued to randomly shout "Amen", especially whenever she touched one of their hands. It was ADORABLE! We are all pretty chatty adults, so she did GREAT sitting through all of that talking! I think it was after 8:00 by the time we dropped them back off at the hospital. My friend is leaving at 5:30 AM to go home for a week. I got a picture with her...maybe I will post it "mid-week" when I am missing our daily text-messaging!

I decided to "take a chance" and bring her to my friend's house for her Open House. I realized that it was VERY close to bed time, but figured we could leave whenever. She did better than I could have imagined, but I could tell when she was tired. That is when we said our good-byes :o) She actually didn't fall asleep until about 10:15. I'm not sure how late she will sleep tomorrow...we did a LOT of outdoor activities today, but maybe that is what she is used to (me, on the other hand...not so much and I am TIRED!). We didn't go to the wedding or the reception, but I guess when you have a kid, sometimes you can't do everything, right?! I'll have to get a gift and/or send a card. I think taking her to church may not be a great idea, but I suppose there is no hurt in trying. We have a couple parties we can attend again tomorrow...that means there will be other people around to help me entertain her :o)

Alright, better go to bed. Early to bed for "mommies", right?! Yeah, right, only when you are mom to a "borrowed child"! Good night!