Worn Out

How is it that when I am off for a couple days and wish I could get my patients back it rarely happens (unless I get to work SUPER early or put up a fight), but when I'd rather not, then everyone thinks they are doing me a favor by giving them back to me? Sunday was challenging, and I wrote about how that affected me physically and emotionally. While both of those patients have FABULOUS families, I was gladly willing to give someone else a chance to care for them. My two days off were not "days of rest", and I was hoping for an "easier" day. Of course, showing up last means I should not complain, but then again should it REALLY be "first come, first served" when the assignments are not split evenly?

I stayed busy all day and, while it actually was less of a draining day than Sunday, some situations occurred that brought my stress/anxiety level sky high. I felt a loss of control, and also that I wasn't able to provide the absolute best care to all of my patients. I HATE that feeling and it just made things worse. So, I was stressed, frustrated, anxious, flustered, and achy (from playing catcher in my softball game last night...my thighs, back, and shoulders are SORE!). I tried to take a deep breath, calm myself down, and decided I was going to have a beer when I got home (yes, my mom already told me that alcohol will not solve my problems or make a bad day better...I got that!). That seemed to help. What also helped was that once I stepped back from the situation and payed attention to what the families were telling me...they actually thought I was doing a pretty good job (and, once I got home and "reflected" on the day...it could have been a LOT worse too!)! My emotions REALLY take over when I feel like my patients aren't getting the attention they deserve. I was almost in tears multiple times this afternoon, but am proud of myself for not getting emotional in that way this time! While I know I shouldn't need reassurance from the patients/families, it definitely helps when I'm feeling like I'm doing a crappy job.

Tomorrow I lead my second unit council meeting. I didn't email my agenda until 10:30. It's after 11:00 and I still have quite a bit of reading to do to prepare for it (and I'm TIRED, so I'll probably fall asleep reading those policies and procedures!).

The baby is still having fevers on and off, but hanging in there (he is awake and able to look around and move some). His mom/my friend seems to be doing well. She wore one of her new "Fashion Bug" outfits today and looked SO cute! :o) She actually came over and had a beer with me after I got off, which was really nice (I offered on a "whim" with a text messge in the midst of my stressful moments, not at all expecting her to say yes, but it was a pleasant surprise that she decided "why not?!"). I introduced her to my parents briefly this evening (they had some left-overs and decided to share them with us!). Here is part of what she posted on her Care Page this evening--"I'm always amazed at the stories I hear. I look at our journey and think, "What an amazing story we have." but then, I meet someone and learn of someone else's journey and realize, it's not about us. It's about Him. God is constantly revealing himself to me through those I meet. How cool is that!!!" Oh how blessed I am that God brought her into my life...what an attitude she has...I hope it is rubbing off on me!

Time to go read...good night!