Changes at Work

Nobody can be successful unless he loves his work. ~David Sarnoff

As fabulous as my hospital is, we have been a little behind in the technology department. While the majority of hospitals in the country have been using computer documentation for years, we have still been using the "old-fashioned" pen-and-paper charting. We haven't gone completely paperless, but I suppose that is coming. This past Tuesday, the hospital went "live" with the new system. Today was my first time to work with this system.

I wasn't as nervous about this change as the nurses who didn't use computers at all when they were in school. However, change always creates challenges. I got a bit stressed out late in the day, but not completely related to the new charting issue. Overall, it wasn't a bad day. I can, however, see how Tuesday would have been a TERRIBLE day to work because that is the day they had to transition EVERYTHING from paper to the computer. There were extra people working that day, but it could NOT have been fun!

I chose to take the patient I mentioned in Monday's post. As challenging as that family is, I feel like I should try to protect them from the people who do not speak kindly of them. Not that those people wouldn't give good care, but I'm pretty sure parents can tell if the nurse doesn't really care for them. Even more sure the kid can tell. I have a pretty good connection with them, and they really trust me with the care of their child, so I took the opportunity when it was given to me this morning. They were pleased to find out I would be the nurse for the day. That always helps start the day off right!

I was too tired to do any work when I got home so did not finish my painting. I guess it will have to wait until Saturday. (I DID do a TON of messing around on facebook and possibly annoyed a few people with that...sorry!)

On this anniversary of the terrorist attacks on our country, remember all the victims, their families, and all those who have fought, and continue to fight for our freedom in your thoughts and prayers. Hard to believe it has been seven years.

Back to work tomorrow. Good night.

Going Out

On Sunday, I decided to organize a "Ladies' Night" for dinner tonight. On Wednesdays, this fondue place does a special where you can pick two cheeses, two chocolates, and two drinks for $22 for "the ladies". I have been a couple times and it is fun. So, I got on my facebook and sent invites to some girls from high school, a work friend, and my sister. It ended up not being a good night for most of them, but six of us were able to go (my sister, my cousin, two friends from high school, one of her friends, and myself). It was a really good mix of people, and we had good conversation even though we were a pretty "random" group! Sometimes it is hard in a group if you have someone who likes to monopolize the conversation, or if you have too many quiet people or too many talkers. I think everyone got "their turn" and we managed to find common things to discuss. I call that a successful social engagement--yay me! (If I had started writing this earlier, I would have written a little bit of my history with social gatherings growing up, but that will have to wait!)

I met my mom at my favorite clothing store during her lunch hour. We are going to be in a fashion show on Saturday and picked our outfits today. That was fun, and we will get to purchase them at a discounted price after the show. We have done it before, and it isn't a fancy store, so it is a very laid back fashion show!

I finished painting the second coat on my front door. I still need to roll the second coat on my hallway, but didn't think I had time after dinner before it was time to go to bed (although, now it is nearly 11:00, so I probably had PLENTY of time!). My hallway has NINE, count them NINE doorways, so it could have been a test of patience with the paint brush. I believe I passed the test (and only a few little "oopses" on the ceiling...if only I were a couple inches taller I would not have had to stand on my tip toes to reach it!) I will have to see what it looks like when it is finished to say if I like it or not.

Well, back to work tomorrow. Yesterday my hospital rolled out a new documentation system. So, tomorrow will be my first day to use it. It should be okay, but VERY different than what I am used to.

Good night!
By the way, on Saturday I posted prayer requests for Kenzie and baby Faith and their family. Their blog has been shut down for some reason, but if you want to send an email, it is kenzie.stanfield@yahoo.com, or post a comment for her on Mary Grace/Kim's blog. Thanks!

What Kind of Question is THAT?

***Update Below***

I received a call this afternoon from work to see if I could work "bonus" tomorrow or Thursday. Apparently, both of the pregnant girls on my floor went into labor this morning, even though neither were due for a week or two. Crazy! Anyway, I said "no" for tomorrow since I have my "Ladies Night" planned. However, Thursday will work and that will be great $$$!

For whatever reason, I like to keep my parents informed of my activities/work schedule. So, after I did a few things around the house I called my mom at work. I let her know that I would be working on Thursday, but turned down tomorrow. She said "well good thing you didn't say yes to tomorrow since we have dinner plans". Um, what plans are YOU talking about? I know that I have plans...

Apparently, she had forgotten about my plans and decided that tomorrow would be THE night we would celebrate my dad's birthday at his favorite restaurant. Well, that day doesn't work for me, and we talked about that on Sunday... I said "what about tonight?" Well, my brother-in-law has class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so she asked when my next Wednesday off is...that would be the 24th which is a lot closer to my SISTER'S birthday...and that just will not work, right?!

My voice quivered as I fought back the tears as I said "well, then I guess you will have to decide if you go without him or go without me"... Seems like a "no-brainer" to me considering whose birthday we are celebrating, but she said she would call me back...

That was over three hours ago and I haven't heard anything. I'm afraid to call and see what they decided because I'm thinking the answer will bring me to tears.

Well, I suppose I should continue to try and be productive as I wait.

***5:40 update...I decided the night wasn't getting any younger, so I called my dad to see what he was doing. His response was that he was waiting for my mom to bring him some fast food tacos (his favorite restaurant is Mexican) . No dinner tonight AND no dinner tomorrow night. They decided we should pick a day that all FIVE of us could go. Whew, I have too much to do to spend the rest of the night bawling my eyes out in self-pity...time to get to work (and, I guess I need to figure out what to eat for dinner!)***

California Here I Come

It's official, I am headed to California in October!! A few weeks ago, I used half of a free ticket to "purchase" my flight home. Just now, I "purchased" the first leg of my trip. I still need to buy the middle flight, but that is the cheapest one, and I have time. I will be visiting my friend who is going to school in Northern California for the first part of my trip. Out of my last ten birthdays, I think I spent at least a part of six of them with her. That may not seem like a big deal, but considering I traveled over 700 miles to be with her for two of them, I think it is very special! This time I will be traveling nearly twice as far, but I can hardly wait! We have been through a lot these past 10 years, and our friendship has thrived even with living so far away from each other. (I have discovered that the photos from my last birthday disappeared from my computer when I sent my computer to get the sound fixed and it came back "empty". A stinky kind of reminder that I need to back up all my pictures!)

After spending five days (including my birthday) with her in Northern California, I will fly to Southern California to see my relatives. My dad and uncle who live here will meet me there and we have some fun things planned. I'll be there for four days and then come home. I don't believe I have been on that long of vacation since we DROVE to California when I was in Junior High school! It will be fun and now the tickets are purchased so it is a "done deal"!!

Work today was...interesting. It started on a kind of disappointing note. I probably shouldn't write very many details here, but some of the nurses (pretty much all the people that were there, actually) were not speaking very kindly about a certain patient/family. It happens to be people who I rather like working with (although I will say it took a time or two before they "grew on me"). No one really wanted to take that patient, but they wouldn't let me take the patient either because then certain people wouldn't get to work together. Of course, this was all behind closed doors, but it was still kind of hurtful. I didn't like the idea that someone was going to take care of this kid who didn't really "care" to do that. I guess I am a bit protective, but wasn't really able to put up too big of a fight, and just hoped that their attitude about this patient/family wasn't evident to them... It makes me sad that so many people were saying those things (and also a little irritated because there were two or three times that I made some sort of comment like that, or "refused" to take a patient and totally got called out on it and made out to look like a horrible person...)

I had a quiet morning, but was really busy once my new patient arrived at 2:30. It was a pretty crazy afternoon, but I got off pretty much on time and I guess that's all that REALLY matters!

I am off the next three days and hope to get some "projects" done (INCLUDING making the living room look presentable!). We are supposed to have record low temperatures tonight, so I am thinking it is good I don't have to get up at a certain time because it will be hard to get out of bed!

Good night.

Fun Sunday

I love it when I have Sundays off so I can go to church. Some people like working their weekend days together, but I try to at least get one of the days off even though that means sometimes I can go months without an entire weekend off. Now that we only have to work four weekend shifts every three months it is better, but I do love my Sundays off!


I requested today off since not only was it my dad's birthday, but my church's annual festival. The past four festivals, I brought the siblings of one of my former patients. He passed away a week after last year's festival, so this was my first time without them. That made it kind of sad, but I also thought it would be fun to go without kids so I could spend time visiting with everyone. I have been attending the same church since before I started kindergarten, so I know LOTS of people! And, my dad has always been the "center of attention" as the announcer with the crazy clothes, shoes, and hats, so everyone knows me too!


I did enjoy my time visiting (and my sister ended up "borrowing" two daughters of our dad's co-worker, so I still got some "kid time" too). I worked at the "live fish" booth for an hour which was not at all what I would call "enjoyable", although I did get to see quite a few kids! My job was tying the bags after they had water and a fish in them. Not quite a "dry" or "clean" job, and my fingers were raisins even before my hour was up, so I was glad that I didn't have to stay any longer than that!


I spent quite a bit of time visiting with a girl I went to high school with. Her two daughters now attend my grade school (crazy!) and they go to my church. She was a person I knew throughout high school, became friends with during the last two or three months of high school, but then lost touch with for a while. We talked about getting together sometime. I decided to actually take some initiative and plan a "ladies night" this Wednesday with some friends from high school and a couple other girls. So, hopefully she will be able to come!


We had "family dinner" for my dad's birthday, which is always fun :o) Steak and potatoes night (it seems like we have been having that a lot, but I guess it goes with the "territory".


Well, I'm glad I got that all written...it looks like I had a really fun day. I also had some of my little "life issues" (as in, what am I supposed to be doing/am I where I am supposed to be...) which are never really fun. However, it seems like I worked through them enough to enjoy myself for now. Thank goodness I like to journal because I may need to work some of these things out in the future.


But, for now I should head to bed. Back to work tomorrow (Mondays can be crazy, so I'd better "rest up"!). Good night!

Feeling the Love

I was very glad to be back to doing what I know how to do :o) When I walked into the report room this morning, it was to the sound of "Are you going to take your favorite patient today?!" Now, I do have a couple "favorites", but not many that I would put up a fight for. So, I was a tiny bit confused (but then quickly figured out that it was more of a "cover" for the other nurses not wanting to have that patient instead of being generous and saving "my" patients for me!). Oh well, I do happen to like that family, and hadn't been able to take care of that particular patient for a couple weeks. I also was able to "choose" my other patient, who happened to be one I hadn't taken care of during any of the most recent admissions, but did quite a bit right after transplant.

Anyway, I definitely was "feeling the love" when both sets of parents seemed very excited to have me as their nurse. :o) They had been wondering if I would EVER take care of their child again! Well, today was the day, and hopefully I was worth waiting for! (Just kidding!)

It actually was kind of boring having those patients because their parents do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING for them. Neither child was ever alone, and they even gave meds and did dressing changes. Not too much work left for the nurse, but I guess that is okay sometimes :o) It actually was a pretty quiet day on "my side" (usually the weekends are). We were "baby-sitting" a few kids whose parents did not come during the shift for one reason or another, but even that didn't make it too busy. We listened to "the football game", did quite a bit of socializing, and I'm not sure how many times I checked my email.

I stopped by Burger King on my way home to get some terribly unhealthy food to stuff my face with (but BOY was it good!). I parked myself on my couch with the television and my computer where I guess I will stay until my eyes start to close and I decided it is time for bed!

Although not many people visit my blog, I at least want to post that I am praying for Kenzie, baby Faith, and their family. Their sweet baby boy Maddox went to Heaven in January, and apparently baby Faith was getting excited to meet her amazing family (but now knows that she should wait a little longer until she is bigger and stronger!). Prayers that Faith will continue to grow and thrive inside, and for all the Stanfields to "feel the love" as well. The verse they are praying is: "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."- Romans 4:20

Kenzie also posted this verse, which is beautiful as well--"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."- Romans 8:24-25

And the "Quote of the Day" for today on my blog was "Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it." Irving Berlin. So, faith, hope, and attitude..."feeling the love" in the good times and the tough times.

My church festival is tomorrow and I am VERY excited!! It was raining on my way home from work, but hopefully tomorrow ends up being a nice day. Time to get ready for bed. Good night!

Panic Mode

I was prepared to float to "the adult world" today, but thought maybe I would go to the adult transplant floor which is where the nurse went on Wednesday. I was not very excited to find out I would be going back to the adult cardiac floor I floated to in April and May. However, on my walk over to that unit I attempted to convince myself that it would be a good day. I was feeling pretty good when I was getting report, but that only lasted about 10 minutes. At that point, a doctor had written orders that were not really the way we are "supposed to" do things. Not really "bad", but it made carrying out the orders a LOT more complicated. I quickly went into "panic mode" since I was SO out of my element and it wasn't going to be easy to pretend I knew what I was doing...

Praise God I didn't have to wait too long or look too far and an angel in "Nurse Nancy" came to my rescue. I recognized her from my last float and snagged her saying "please help me!" About forty-five minutes into our work, it seemed it was all for "nothing" because the patient was not going to leave anyway...

So, I was behind on my work, still not really having a clue what was going on and trying hard not to cry. I decided that I had time to send a quick email to a friend that asked her to pray for me, or at least send some "happy thoughts" my way. That gave me a much needed breather and I was able to go again for a little while longer. Then, I called my mom and said "can you BELIEVE where I am today?!" She reminded me that those patients needed me too, and I can make a difference in their lives just like I make a difference in the lives of my kids. Deep breath. Okay, I can do this...

Then it was decided around 11:00 that two of my patients were to be transferred to other facilities. We do not do transfers very often, (especially not to nursing homes!) Thankfully, at this point, I had discovered who my resource people were and boy did I use them! I had this team of people surrounding me almost completely removing the weight off my shoulders. It was an amazing example of teamwork at its best. AND, the BEST part of it, is that those patients were well taken care of, the people on the other end were well-informed about the plan, and I was reminded about why I love where I work. Not only do we provide extraordinary care on my floor, but they do in other parts of the hospital as well!

I ended up with a late lunch filled with interruptions about my one remaining patient. That was SO annoying at the time, but I didn't realize that I would later end up with nearly three hours of nothing to do (it was almost like sitting at home on my couch seeing how many times I can check my email in an hour, only I was getting paid...but, if I were at home, I could have rested my eyes for a while!). They let me leave early since, for probably one of the only times ever on that floor, they were not getting bombarded with admissions.

I stopped by my floor on the way out to visit my co-workers. Some of them had a pretty busy day too, but none of them got to leave early :o)

On my way out, I ran into a couple who was trying to find a friend "who had heart surgery" and wanted to know where she could be. I'm thinking there are at least four places someone with that procedure could be. However, the floor I had just come from was one of them. In conversation, they mentioned some details that made me think of some of the talk that was going on during my lunch break. So, I was pretty convinced that their friend was, in fact, on the floor where I had been all day. I had the number, called to check, and sure enough that was where she was. I gave them the number and directions. Nothing like being in the right place at the right time!

After I got home, I decided to walk to the grocery store to check out a movie (they have one of those $1 machines). I watched the movie "bella" I sort of fell asleep in the middle, which is typical for me and why I hardly ever watch movies. However, it was a pretty good movie.

Well, I am tired and go back to work again tomorrow, so I should sleep. Good night!

Good to Know

On Tuesday when I was in the middle of refusing to do anything that could remotely be considered "being productive", I was messing around on facebook. I ended up taking a quiz "When Will You Get Married?" My result: According to the Wedding Algorithm, You Will Marry In: 4 YEARS AND 1 MONTH. That would make it October of 2012. I'd be nearly 33 years old (Wow!). I suppose that could happen! I told my mom about this scientific quiz I took. I figured that 10/2012 would be kind of a "cool time" to get married (whatever that means!) I then did a little math and determined that this could mean I am "destined" to meet my Prince Charming in November of 2011 (11/11). The thought being that at this point in my life, I will (should anyway!) know pretty quickly if it is HIM or not :o) Then, a long engagement wouldn't really be necessary (you know, the whole waiting until you are married for you know what could get a little tough after a while...hee hee!). Of course, I continue to tell my parents that I'm not planning to get married, but suppose things could change in "four years and one month". I've already been refusing to go on any dates, but at least now I have an "excuse"...I MUST wait until 2011 to fulfill the "Wedding Algorithm". Anyway, I thought this was good information to have :o)

I had a couple meetings at the hospital this morning. One of them was about some exciting changes taking place in pediatrics at my hospital. They created a video of us "doing what we do" and quite a few of our patients (of course it brought tears to my eyes!) It was very inspiring. My other meeting was the one I chair for my unit. We had very good discussions and got quite a bit accomplished. Great morning! (even if I DID have to go to work on my "day off"...at least it was paid!)

I REALLY wanted to take a nap, but somehow managed to stay awake the rest of the day. I do, however, feel an early bedtime will be necessary! Instead, I went shopping, worked out, went to a coffee shop to sit outside and read, walked to the grocery store, and talked to a friend on the phone. My living room isn't picking itself up for some reason, but maybe I will give it some assistance "next week".

Back to work tomorrow. Too bad I am nearly 99% sure I will be working with adults and not on my floor. That stinks, but only about four more weeks until I no longer have to do that!!

I talked to the baby's mom and he is doing a LOT better--yay! He is still on a ventilator, but a regular one now. He is also awake and able to move some, so that is GREAT. Those prayers are definitely helping! She is doing pretty well too.

That's about it...nice "day off" :o) Good night.

This prayer was in the book I am reading. I liked it, so will post it here.
O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things. Amen.
~Saint Ignatius of Loyola

That Would Have Been "SO Cool!"

So, we have a kiddo on the floor that I have an extra special little connection with. I was hoping I would be able to "complete the circle" today, but it didn't go QUITE as I had planned. Not only was I this child's FIRST nurse at my hospital when they came to be evaluated for transplant, but I was THE nurse who was there when they arrived after receiving "the call". After months of ups and downs, and REALLY scary moments, today was to be the first time this child would be going "outpatient" after transplant (and, actually the first time out of the hospital this year!). So, I got to work early so I could make sure I was given the choice of my patient assignment. I thought it would have been "SO cool" to be the nurse who also got to give them their pass to freedom. However, there was a little communication issue with getting all the medications today (I believe we counted that there are seventeen of them!), so the discharge had to be postponed until at least tomorrow.

So, that was a bit disappointing, but it also gave me the opportunity to spend more time with this very adorable little one, and also time to see what I could do to ease some of the anxiety this mother has about leaving the comfort zone of the hospital. While they are SO grateful for the possibility of a "normal life", it is going to require a HUGE life change (at least for a little while until they create their "new normal" routine).

All in all, I cannot complain about today. It was pretty quiet for me (I actually got both of my patients back from Friday which rarely happens when you are off for one day let alone FOUR!).

Well, I suppose I should get ready for bed. I have a couple meetings in the morning, and hopefully can force myself to do some organizing in the afternoon.

Prayers to all who need them :o) Good night.

Four Days Off...

and I can honestly say that I am ready to go back to work! Of course, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I have had enough of hanging out at home for now. Not that I am complaining because there are SO many people who would LOVE to have a day off, or would like to have time alone. However, I just have a hard time motivating myself to do much and need to be around other people every once in a while. I like it when I am scheduled about every other day. That works pretty well for me, even though it does tend to mess up the whole "continuity of care" deal. Then again, sometimes three days off is nice if I want to do some kind of "big project", but four was a bit long for me (this time anyway!).

Wow, this is pretty pathetic actually, and kind of embarrasing. But, those are my thoughts right now...so, I guess I am just being honest!

I could have done any of a number of things that would have quickly "cured" my "boredom". I just made different choices I guess.

So, back to work tomorrow. I'm going to try and go early so I might get to choose my patients for the day (often the whole "first come first served" thing is annoying, but I can "play that game" too!). The baby still is on high ventilator settings, but his mom texted me and said that he is making slow progress. They are hopeful that he will be back on a regular ventilator by the end of the week. Praying for that, and for my friend. I do not do well seeing kids on ventilators, so I can't even imagine what it would be like for a parent to see their child like that.

Good night. Back to my "princess and the pea" bed. No big issues last night, although I did toss and turn for a while. Hopefully I sleep better tonight and don't have any problems when the alarm goes off at 5:30 instead of 8:00!

Plucking Away

I would have to call today a pretty productive day even though I did quite a bit of "hanging out" too. I got my lawn mowed (the parts of it that are still green and growing anyway) and watered most of it. My dad told me that the weeds around my tree ring actually look pretty nice since they are all the same size. My mom didn't quite agree with that, but I told her that I am not going to be taking care of any flowers, so may as well let something grow (anyway, a "weed" is just a "plant you don't want" according to my dad...I like that definition, so grow away!)

I had my parents come help me switch the beds in my bedrooms. I bought a new bed last winter and put it in the guest room instead of replacing the old, smaller size bed in my room. I finally decided that it was silly to have a nicer bed just sitting there in the guest room. I also am wondering why I picked out a double-sided pillow top bed that makes it 31 inches off the ground. Being less than 60 inches myself, it is quite a jump up there, and I am hoping I don't fall out of bed because that would definitely hurt. So, no crazy dreams or emergency potty breaks in the middle of the night please!

After lunch with my dad and grandparents, I managed to do a few more "chores" around the house. I washed the curtains (I did the sheets earlier) and did a little dusting. I also washed a couple windows. I baked some snickerdoodles as part of the thank-you to the electrician who helped me after the June storm.

Tomorrow I have more "little chores" to do, but am also contemplating starting another painting project (I must have blocked out my last painting experience already!). I also need to clean the bathroom since that never got done after I got distracted with the "caulking project".

All in all, a fun and productive three day weekend...mine continues tomorrow, so make that a FOUR day weekend :o)

Continued prayers for the baby who remains pretty sick, for little miss "E" who hopefully will get out of the hospital this week, all others who are already in my thoughts and prayers, and also for all those affected by the storms. I cannot even imagine what they are going through. I saw the destruction that occurred here in June and we don't have water to go along with the strong winds.

Well, I suppose I should package the cookies and then head to bed. My dad called it the "Princess and the Pea" bed, but hopefully I sleep better than that (I'm not a princess, so I should, right?!) Good night.

Caulking Complete

So, last night when I went to bed, I thought I was finished removing the old caulk. However, when I decided to try and finish the project this afternoon, I realized that there was still a bit left. Therefore, what I initially imagined to be a sort of fun, not too challenging project turned into over four hours of manual labor! If I do say so myself, though, it does look pretty darn good! I will have my parents check it out when they come over tomorrow and find out "for sure"!

I managed to fit in quite a bit today, so that feels very good. Not only did I finish the caulking project, but I also put away the laundry that had been sitting on my couch for a week, did a little bit of vacuuming, and sent off the agenda and information for the meeting I have on Thursday. I also went church and had breakfast with my parents, to lunch with a friend and her two-year-old (now THAT was funny...apparently it takes a special skill to feed yogurt in a tube to a child. I do not have it!), watched some of a softball game, had dinner with my parents, and still had time to mess around on facebook, send a few emails and just relax watching TV. Now THAT is a full day!

Tomorrow...need to mow the lawn! Good night.

What was I thinking?!

Apparently, I was not! Of ALL the projects that I KNOW need to be done (yard work, laundry, dishes, paper sorting, meeting planning, organizing, vacuuming...the list goes on and on!), I found something else to do. It all started with me deciding to tackle the bathroom as my project of the day. I started with the bathtub. I noticed that the caulk was kind of nasty looking (I had noticed it before, but today, it seemed worse.). So, I decided to walk to the hardware store to buy some new caulk and make that my project of the day.

Now, for whatever reason, I thought that removing old caulk would be kind of fun. Three hours later I will let you know that it is not quite as enjoyable as I imagined (although I did listen to music while I worked!). It took that long to remove as much of the old caulk as my body would allow me to at this point. So, the rest of the project will have to be completed tomorrow if I would like to shower at some point in the next week...(just kidding, I DO have another shower, but I am not sure I can say I have ever actually used it!)

So, I still have laundry and papers strewn about, dishes in the sink, weeds in the lawn...you get the picture. However, I WILL have new caulk in the bathtub.

What in the world was I thinking?! Oh well, maybe in some way this says that I may actually be deserving of the title "homeowner" rather than a person who owns a house...okay, that could be pushing it a bit, but it definitely seems like a step in the right direction!

Good night.

Three in One

I can hardly believe I took two nights away from journalling. I wish I could say that I also spent less time on the computer, but that is not true (unless you consider the fact that I worked 36+ hours so didn't spent as many "day time hours" here). It did, however, seem a little better since it was my "down time" after working all day rather than simply "what I do all day". Not sure if that really means much of anything, but I also went to bed a little earlier which was good too.

With all that I did at work the past three days, it could have been crazy (four discharges, three post-op patients, one PICU transfer), but it was not. I didn't have that sick of patients (which is why four of them got to go home!) and it was a nice change from constantly taking care of patients who basically live in the hospital with hardly an end to the hospitalization in sight.

Because I was "slow", I got to do my favorite thing which is spend extra time visiting and "hanging out" with my patients or their parents. Those moments are where I get my strength to continue this, the times when I have learned how to be a better nurse. Each conversation becomes a memory that remains with me in the times to celebrate, and the times when there are only tears.

I was given some wonderful "pats on the back" these days that all I could do was smile. I was having fun at work, and it showed (attitude makes a HUGE difference both for myself and for all the people who have to come in contact with me!). I am grateful for some wonderful days and pray they will carry me through the next time I am struggling with a "bad attitude day".

Now I have four days off. It hasn't really been the work days that have bothered me, it has been the "off days", so hopefully I can try some of the ideas I had and see where that takes me. I have some projects that NEED to be tackled. They have waited long enough.

Good night.

Creating Balance

I will not make any promises I cannot keep. I am not ready to commit to anything. However, in light of what has occurred over the past couple days (although I am sure it has been building for a while inside!), a change is necessary. (This will all make more sense if you have read the previous post.)

While I am not depressed or sad, I am not happy with they way things are. I feel like I am stuck in a rut, but since I FINALLY realized I was stuck, I can work on getting out.

I have some ideas that I think will work, if I stick to them.

Today I worked out, finally became a member of my church (I have been meaning to do that FOREVER...I have gone to the same church since I was about three, so it was about time to separate myself from my parents and become a single parishioner...I did request them NOT put my name in the bulletin as a new member because that would be SO embarrassing!), and went to dinner with a friend. Tomorrow I go back to work. Good night.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil." ~Proverbs 3:5-7

(The baby is VERY sick right now, so please keep him and his family in your prayers. Thanks.)

There's More to the Story

Today was my mom's birthday. She and I went and had pedicures this afternoon (her treat...works for me!). Then, as is our family tradition, we went out to dinner at whatever restaurant the birthday person chooses (my parents typically pay...definitely works for me!). We went to this Japanese steak house where they cook the food in front of you. That is always fun, and yummy!

The Family

The Girls

Sisters

***Warning--the remainder of this post was written throughout the course of the day. I have tried not to do too much editing so it is as close to the original as would make sense. It was really hard to write, and nearly as hard to re-read to make sure it didn't have anything that could be deemed offensive or hurtful.***

I have made it no secret that my mom doesn't really support the whole blogging, facebook, myspace thing. Yesterday afternoon, I was thinking about something that happened when I was in college. "Coincidentally," my mom mentioned the same event last night. That incident sheds a whole new light on her "disapproval". This is difficult for me to write about, but since both of us were reminded of it yesterday, and it is on my mind, I feel like I should get it out.

Ten years ago, probably near to the day, I was following my dream to go away to college. My family and I loaded up the car and drove over 700 miles to get me there. I was excited and nervous about what the next four years would bring. I had worked very hard to get a scholarship and my parents had sacrificed a great deal to make this dream possible.

That first semester was a crazy adjustment. I had a roommate who wasn't happy at all. At the beginning of the semester, she was my "study partner", but then she quit studying and I struggled. Somewhere in there, I had found an online "chat room" that was actually part of the web site of a Christian singer. Over a few months time I began to spend quite a lot of time there talking to a couple girls from around the country. One girl in particular caught my attention. She was a couple years younger, but had gone through some really tough things in her life. She didn't have a very stable family and few friends. So, me, being the person I am, decided I needed to "help" her, and I suppose be her friend. This seemed to work out for a while. I spoke to her on the phone, so knew she was a "real person". Eventually, though, we began to "chat" into the wee hours of the night all the time and it started to affect my schoolwork. I ended up inviting her to come visit during spring break, but it was sort of a "secret trip" (remember, we were both young and naive). I started to get a little nervous about it and "randomly" mentioned it to a good friend of mine. She calmly told me that this did not sound like a good idea at all (and made me realize that I must have been having my own reservations to mention it). So, I told the girl that it would not work out. Things got a little crazy after that. I ended up telling her that I could no longer continue our "relationship". It was getting hard for me to focus and I NEEDED to focus because, among other things, I was spending a lot of money on school! She did not take that very well and continued to try different ways to contact me. She was an innocent young girl who meant no harm, but didn't understand that I couldn't do it any more. I ended up "freaking out" and contacted the campus police to put a stop to it. That was the end of that part of the story. A very difficult lesson, but I learned a lot from that experience and it is forever a part of me.

So, my mom remembers that...her crying teenage daughter 700 miles away from home dealing with campus police because of something that happened with a person on the Internet. I remember that too. Knowing what I know now about how much it hurts parents to see their children hurting, I imagine that was very hard for her. Even though I brought it on myself, she is still protective of me and does not want anything to happen to me. (Love my mom!)

Because of this, I WAS hesitant to do the whole myspace/facebook thing, but went ahead since "everyone" was doing it. So many people came out of the woodwork and found me. It was such a weird feeling, although it should have been really neat. Then, last May I decided that blogging would be good for me. I was already writing in a diary/journal (had already filled like 20 by then!) and saw this as basically a simpler way to chronicle my life (and save some trees in the mean time!). I was determined to be careful...no names, no locations, no real intimate or identifying details. For months it was just me and my blog. I wrote what I felt, and no one else was reading. I was anonymous, and that was fine with me.

Then, in March, ten months after I started writing, something changed. Someone (thankfully a very nice person!) figured out where I lived and where I worked. I will admit, my initial reaction was near panic...I must have let my guard down...I wrote too many details...I commented on too many different blogs (even though I had tried to be careful about that, and about what I wrote)...something changed and I wasn't sure I liked it. But then, I decided that everything happens for a reason. This could be okay. Something good could come from this. I will still be "super careful", but was determined this was not going to be a bad thing.

So, I kept writing, and started to get more "brave" at leaving comments on other blogs (sometimes even using my first name...gasp!). And, really good things have happened. I have received prayers when I asked for them (and sometimes when I didn't know I needed them), I have been given affirmation for hard work done, comforting words when rough times have hit, encouraging words to keep on going...all sorts of REALLY great things. God continues to bring amazing people into my life and I am so thankful for that. I have learned so much from the people I have "met" out there because of this whole "blogging thing" and I do not have any regrets.

Last week, though, I let my guard down and did a little extra "sharing" of myself (even AFTER reading Emily's post about being guarded and responding that I admire her openness and willingness to share so much of herself). I think that breakdown of my "wall" triggered my thoughts of this experience from 10 years ago (a mini little post-traumatic stress episode of sorts). The situations are completely different, so I am not worried about a repeat of that traumatic experience. I did have a tiny moment of panic thinking "Did I REALLY just do that?!" but immediately found that it indeed was "right". (If you are reading this, PLEASE know that I am happy that things are the way they are. I am glad that you do not see us as strangers and have enjoyed our extra "conversing". This post doesn't have anything to do with you personally, just something I had been holding inside that burst to the surface and needed to come out.) I am older now, and a lot has happened in my life since then. I believe my intentions are different too and there is more of a level playing field. I am only trying to "save the world" at my job and in my city, not everywhere in the country :o) (Just kidding!)

Even still, I can honestly tell my mother (and assure myself) that I am still being cautious. There are a LOT of people who have more information about themselves out there than I do. However, I do need to remember to take some time away from the computer and spend some time communicating with my other friends and family. This is a safe place for me, and it is hard to step out into the world of the unknown, but I cannot continue to learn and grow unless I go out of my comfort zone every once in a while. Maybe I should start going outside more because soon it will be winter and then I REALLY will be stuck inside!

This post seems a bit out of place, and maybe even irrelevant. I am happy with all the blessings I have received by being myself and writing about what I do on a day-to-day basis. Because of this blog, I have "met" people that typically would not have crossed my path. Not only because of the distance that separates us, but also because our lives are so different. Even still, they have impacted my life in more ways than I ever could have imagined. In the end, I guess it still is basically a simple way to chronicle my life. Only now, often I have cheerleaders along the path :o) And, doesn't everyone need a cheerleader or two?! And so, I will continue to write (and try and encourage myself to get out a little more, or get a hobby...there is nothing my "blog friends" can really do for me in that department!).

For all who have taken the time to read this, I thank you. Thank you for all of your words of encouragement and prayers, and for simply just "being there" following along with me on this journey of life. I don't know why you continue to come and read about my "boring life" when I hardly have anything to say, but I am glad you do.

And, with that, I will say good night.

On Call

So, my phone rang at 5:30 this morning. The night charge nurse said she would call if they needed me to work OR if they didn't. When I left last night, things were pretty slow, so I was surprised when she said they needed me to come. Since I typically don't get up until 6 (or a little after...I live very close to work and don't do much to get ready besides shower!) I went back to sleep. My phone rang about 20 minutes later. She asked if I was already dressed and ready (nope, not out of bed yet!) and had decided that I would not be needed right away, but would I remain "on call". I said sure, thinking that there was a good possibility I would be called in.

I slept for a while longer, but decided to get up and go to church with my parents. It was SO nice to be able to go to my church! Going with my parents was an added bonus (typically, if I am off, I go at a different time since I sing in the choir, but since I didn't know if I would be called out of church, I didn't want to be in the choir!). I had breakfast and visited with them after that and then headed home.

I couldn't really go TOO far since I was "on call", but that was a good excuse just to hang out and do nothing. I managed to do some laundry, but mostly just sat and watched TV (I actually watched a couple movies that were on...I caught most of "No Reservations" which I would recommend and some other silly movie that I was resting during, so didn't catch the whole thing). I never did get called in, so that means that of the 8 or 9 extra shifts I signed up for, I only got ONE! Oh well, nothing I can do about it, and most of the days I had good alternatives planned :o)

I had dinner with my parents, then we went for a walk (so, a Sunday spent with the parents...that is nice!). When I got home, I received a text message from one of my friends (the one with the baby whose hand is with mine at the top of the page). He was admitted to the PICU yesterday with some respiratory issues. Today he was placed on the ventilator due to pneumonia. She asked for prayers, so I am putting the request out there. Also, her nearly 5-year-old nephew was hit by a car on Friday. Today she didn't have any updates on him, but initially was critical but stable. The baby's sisters also start school tomorrow...most likely their first time without their mom there to see them off. Please keep all of them in your prayers.

Well, that's it...at least I got like $2/hr just sitting here all day...better than nothing I guess (although, maybe it is a little MORE than $2 since I will have overtime!).

Good night.

Quiet Day

I hesitate to use the word "boring" when it comes to my work, because there is ALWAYS something that could be found to do. And, a "quiet day" beats the alternative the majority of the time. I worked pretty darn hard on Wednesday, and yesterday had moments that I wouldn't want to repeat any time soon. So, a "boring day" was definitely appreciated! However, you can really only check your email so many times, especially when you don't really want to start responding because that is when you would get called to work.

Probably the coolest part of the day was some special visitors I got! I was sitting at the computer checking my facebook (I know, the computers are ONLY supposed to be used for work things...blah, blah, blah) and turned around when I heard a familiar voice. My sister and brother-in-law were there to see me! They were visiting a friend of hers who just had a baby and decided to stop by my floor to see if I was working. Neither had never been to my floor, so I showed them around a little bit. I thought it was SO sweet that they took the time to come visit (I actually have tears in my eyes thinking about it). I never would have known any different, and likely wouldn't have questioned why they didn't come see me when they were already at the hospital. They truly made an effort that was completely unexpected and I appreciate it so much. (Funny thing, though, I went and introduced them to two of our very talkative and outgoing patients...both of whom decided they were shy...go figure...gotta love kids!)

I signed up for another extra shift tomorrow, but it looks like they will not need me. We actually do not have that many patients right now. So, that kind of stinks since I definitely thought I would be working and that would have made for a VERY nice pay check! I will, however, be needed if someone calls in sick or if they get a bunch of patients overnight. So, I won't be able to stay up until the wee hours of the night (not that I would be able to do that anyway!). So, quiet day, but definitely a good one!

Good night.

Teamwork

Many times I have written about how much I love my job. In fact, I am fairly certain that I have written more positive things about my work than negative. While there are rough days (take Wednesday for example) and sad days (take your pick), there are also rewarding days (see those hands at the top of my blog...that is a miracle!) and every step of the way I have my "team" with me. These wonderful people I work with understand the happy and the sad, the wonderful and the frustruating. We all care about these kids and it shows, especially when we all come together during "crisis" situations, and in times of grief. Of course, there are days when I wonder where "the team" is, but thankfully those days seem few and far between.

Today, I went and assessed my first patient at around 7:45. He didn't seem quite right and possibly had a fever. I had taken an axillary temperature, so cooled off his armpits and got a more normal temperature and decided just to watch him closely. The next few hours he seemed fine. He is a toddler, so was being quite ornery and messing with his pumps. It looked like he was going to take a nap, so I thought about going to lunch with everyone else (this probably isn't the BEST system, but quite often everyone goes and "listens out" for the patients). Apparently, God was watching over me because I decided to check on him one more time before I went to lunch. That kid did NOT look good at all! Within minutes I had a team of people there helping me to stabilize the patient and get him to the PICU. I am pretty sure that there could have been quite a different outcome if I hadn't checked on him again until after lunch, and it would have been a lot more crazy if the mom had found him like that (she had stepped off the floor to grab lunch). I am so thankful to have such a wonderful team (and grateful for that "one last check" today!). As I was leaving the PICU, his mom said "thank you for being such a great nurse today" which melted my heart...this is why I do this, because what I do MATTERS.

After that all happened, I ran into the parents of a little boy who passed away a couple weeks ago. I was the nurse who discharged him the last time and it was a huge ordeal, but he was able to be at home for a week. When I spoke to the mom, she expressed that they DID have a good week. She was thankful for that week, and for all that went into making it possible. While she will miss her son forever, there are moments here that will not be forgotten either.

On a completely different note, this blogging thing is kind of crazy. Even though I have remained rather anonymous for my job, patients, and family's sake, I have found some great people (or, as the case may be, some great people have found me). Sometimes I wonder why I read the kinds of blogs I read because "on paper" we don't really seem to have that much in common. However, I am SO grateful for these people, for all they have taught me, and I am sure will continue to teach me. I have cried with them, and rejoiced with them as they have for me. They have prayed for me, and I for them. I have emailed and even text messaged (that STILL makes me laugh!) with people I have "met" here and I think that is SO great! I started this blog to be separate from my "myspace" and "facebook" so I would be free to be myself, uninhibited by who people "think" I am, or who I "used" to be. Of course, sometimes it also is better if the people reading can't actually figure out who I am writing about! So far it has worked pretty well, and I am able to honestly tell my mom that I doubt any crazy people from the blog world are going to come knocking on my door (unless I invite them!).

Back to work tomorrow. So, I best be headed to bed. Good night.

Creative Juices

Well, it took a bit of effort and a couple headaches, but I actually feel like I accomplished something. My college roommate had her fourth baby in July. While I don't do a great job at keeping in touch with her (she does a great job especially considering she is married and raising a family and I am, well...) I felt like I should send a baby gift! I made a little scrapbook when she had her daughter in 2004, then one when she had her son in 2005. I hadn't done ANY scrapbooking at all since I made one for her daughter last year. So, I cheated a bit with this one and used some of my ideas from the last one. I made a few changes, but like the way it turned out. Of course, she is WAY more creative than I am, and I have no idea what she has done with the past three scrapbooks, but she is getting another one anyway :o) I am kind of proud of them, so made a little slide show. The pictures may be hard to see, but the idea is there.

This morning I did a blood donation for research. I believe this is the fifth time I have done it. It went pretty well because they weren't busy and people could take turns talking to me, plus I could watch the Today Show and Olympics. (The process entails a little over 3 1/2 hours of sitting in a recliner unable to move either arm since they have large needles in them. Luckily my little bladder behaved!) I went and visited my friend who works in a different department. I have been saying extra prayers for her since she has been going through some tough things. She seems to be doing pretty well right now which makes me happy. We considered going to lunch, but I didn't feel that great and she was really busy, so we will plan for another time.

After I got home, I watched TV for a couple hours, then took a couple hour nap. Even still, it is just now 10:00, but I am SO ready for bed! When I got up, I ate dinner and finished the scrapbook. Not too bad for a "day off"...today had a nice balance between relaxing and being productive...very good!

Back to work tomorrow. Yesterday was pretty crazy on my floor, so hopefully today was better, and tomorrow is EVEN better :o) Good night.