Mucho Moolah

Well, today I got the bonus shift I have been "asking for" for about two months... I was making probably twice my regular pay, but think I earned every penny! It was not that fun of a day at all, so I'm glad that my three previous shifts were not that bad. It is just after 9:30 and I am SO tired that I'm pretty sure I'll be asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. It is days/nights like these that I wonder how people do this when they have kids. I suppose you just do what you have to do the best you can, but I am sure it isn't easy.

Today was probably made even worse by the fact I found myself saying not very nice things more than once or twice. When I realized what I had done/said (actually I was "called out" on it by someone else!) I felt awful, but once that happens, there is nothing that can be done to take them back. I apologized to the couple people I knew were offended by what I had said, but I have no idea how many people they had shared my words with prior to that. I really was rather insensitive to the feelings of others, which isn't at ALL how I want to be. It definitely is a day I would like to forget, but I guess every day has its "teachable moments" and today had its fair share (or more).

I also took care of a kid who actually knows the kid of one someone I know. I found that out early on in the shift from the mom and thought that was pretty cool. Unfortunately, that family was the root of much of my frustruation today to the point I wasn't sure how much longer I could handle it all. Of course, the mom had to say a quiet "thank you" at the end of the shift to which I just had to smile and accept...although inside my thoughts were not at all kind. No, thank YOU for ensuring that I earned every penny today! Oh, but then I am reminded that this is a SICK kid...the mom is tired and anxious and scared and hurting because her child is hurting and all those other things that I give other people the benefit of the doubt about all the time... But it was SO frustruating it seemed like that mom was working against progress the entire day. I ended up having to leave quite a bit of work for the next shfit because of the way things went, and that is not a good way to leave, especially when you are not coming back tomorrow to clean up the next mess!

Okay, I suppose that is enough venting for today...it isn't getting any earlier and I am not getting any less tired. Good night.

A Day of Leisure

Not to be confused with "Just Chillin' (Again)", "Taking it Easy", "Relaxing Day", or "Whole Lotta Nothing" although the stories on those days could be "strangely" similar to that which occured today! That's pretty much what I do...work, or pretty much nothing at all. To be clear, I am SO thankful for my "days of rest" because lots of times I do work hard when I'm at work, physically and emotionally. I'm not sure how I would manage without having ENTIRE days with nothing planned! I need these "days of leisure", but sometimes I think I need to get a hobby (and then sometimes I just want to stay at home...hmm, that sounds like yesterday's post "Hard to Please"!) (I started writing this late this afternoon after I had done a few things around the house, but took LOTS of breaks on the couch. Since then, I got to work and actually feel very good about what I have accomplished! I am working on a baby gift for my friend and am about half done. I plan to post pictures of it when I am finished.)

I saw this clip on another blog. I thought it was great and decided to post it as well.

My softball season is now over. We didn't get to play tonight because we did not have enough players. It is sad that we didn't get another chance to win, or a chance to say "good-bye" to the season as a team, but it was nice to have the night off!

I am hoping the Olympics don't go too late tonight! I stayed up rather late again last night and it was hard to get up (and so I didn't until after 9:00!). Tomorrow I finally get to work a bonus shift! I am excited about that, especially since I am working on my vacation plans. It will be nice to have that little extra money, even though I am sure more than a little will be taken out in taxes! I will be working in the PICU rather than my floor, so it could be interesting, but I know quite a few patients who are there right now. Hopefully there are nice nurses working tomorrow (most of them are, but even on my floor, there are a couple that I would rather not have to be around for 12+ hours...).

Until tomorrow...good night :o)

Hard to Please

So, I finished my "three days in a row" stretch and have tomorrow off. That usually can't come soon enough, but I actually was more than a tiny bit on the "bored" side the past three days. Of course, there were moments of craziness, but I did a LOT of sitting and checking my email, and facebook and the online news, and whatever else I could think of to pass the time. I don't like it when I am "super busy", but twelve hours just DRAGS ON when there isn't much to do. I guess I will just have to try and remember these days the next time I don't have a chance to rest my legs all day long! So, I don't like "super busy", but don't care for "super slow" much either...hard to please?! Maybe!

I changed my patient assignment a little bit to get "the cup girl", but she left for surgery by 8:30 and was scheduled to go to the PICU following that. We didn't get many admissions, so I was left with two pretty easy patients the rest of the day (patients who have not received new organs simplifies things a LOT!).

I ate dinner with my parents and searched for airline tickets with my dad. We are planing a trip to California in October. My plan is to go visit my friend in Northern California for five days, then fly to Southern California where my dad and uncle will meet me for three days, and fly home with them. I can't remember going on that long of a vacation, but it definitely sounds like fun! We haven't make any definite plans, but it is in the works and I am excited.

I watched some more Olympics and checked "my blogs". My hormones may have got the best of me because I broke down in tears as I read the words written by a couple of my "blog friends" today (or, maybe they were just sad or struck a cord with me and some aspects of my life, and my hormones had nothing to do with the breakdown!). I have managed to pull myself together and am confident it won't be a "cry myself to sleep" night (I'm hoping those went away with the hives that "magically" disappeared!) Writing definitely helps me sort through things, even if all I do is log the events of the day.

Tomorrow I do not have any plans. I do have quite a few things that I would like to get done, but may end up taking it easy for most of the day.
Good night.

The Cups

Today was a relatively slow "news day", but I have a hard time skipping my journalling (even when it is random stuff, or simply a record of events, I think it still helps to write it down).

With the original title being "making memories", I think "the cups" is a little better considering the nature of the story.

I have been sharing a simple little story that I sort of alluded to on Monday with my co-workers and family. At the time, it seemed okay to write about it "in general", but since I don't have much else to write about, I think it would be nice to have it on record.

I have been caring for a little patient who has been through a heck of a time this past year. Her parents are great, and it is very hard seeing them watch their child hurting so badly. They have a wonderful sense of humor, and somehow have found ways to smile even when their hearts have to be breaking. So, I am okay doing a little extra trying to help their efforts to remain positive and give them a reason to laugh. Usually, the joke is on me in these kinds of situations, but this time, the dad and the little one helped!

Okay, this is becoming a long drawn out story and it isn't even really that good of a story (although I do want to be sure I never forget it, which is why I am spending all this time typing it when I should be in bed!).

Last Friday, one of the times I was leaving the patient's room, I asked her mom if she needed anything. She asked for a glass of ice water. Okay, I can do that (although in some instances that can be an annoying request...I'm not going to lie!). I decided that since they had been there FOREVER, I could get the mom one of our plastic mugs instead of getting a paper cup. To make it "extra fun", I wrote her name in permanent marker on it. It made her smile, especially when her husband said it was good her name was there because she has a hard time remembering it. The next day, she and I were talking about "the cup". I told her that if her husband was brave and asked me for one, I would get him one. I swear, it took him ALL DAY LONG to ask me (apparently, he tried doing this whole "mime" routine that I didn't get and she told him he had to actually ASK me!). Instead of just his name, he wanted me to write the nickname his daughter calls him. When I was done, he said "aren't you going to put a heart or star or something on there?!" Picky, picky! I'm not at ALL artistic, although I AM able to write letters on a cup! So, he settled for a smiley face.

The little girl isn't drinking much, so I gave her a paper cup with her name on it instead of a big mug. Yesterday, I stopped by their room for a visit and noticed that cup was still there (nearly a week later!). I guess one night, the nurse brought her a cup of water WITHOUT her name on it, and she threw quite a fit! So, all week long, the parents dumped water from other nurses into the cup with her name on it. Today, I brought a plastic cup I had at home and now she has a little cup with her name on it (since I'm thinking that even water from that week old cup would not taste that great!).

Who knew that something as simple as your name on a plastic cup could make such a difference. While I am hoping and praying that the "prognosis" is wrong and this girl is meant to live a long life, if God has other plans, then at least I will always the story about "the cups". And, because of this, I am aware of the impact that a simple gesture can make...which also means that tiny negative gestures can affect people just as much. I don't always remember that part.

Well, it's late, and I work again tomorrow, so I'd better "hit the hay". Good night.

Wake-Up Call

Some of my more philisophical or creative friends would use that title and write about something profound.

Not me, though, because this morning I did, indeed receive a wake-up call. That is not-so-good when the call comes nearly ten minutes after you are supposed to be at work! Yes, I definitely was enjoying my sleep when my telephone rang at 7:07 this morning. Yesterday, I accidentally unplugged my alarm clock. Right before I went to bed (later than I should have been heading to bed considering the early start!), I set the clock, and the alarm. Unfortunately, I did not double-check the AM/PM setting. I got to work a little after 7:30, so made pretty good time! Since I was late, I got the "short end of the stick" (the one patient no one else wanted to take), but actually had a good day and the patient was not that bad (since I had good people around to help me!) The main issue is that it is a physically demanding patient and I do not think I can do it for three days in a row, but tomorrow should be okay.

What exciting swimming finals! I think it was extra cool watching those swimmers since I saw some of them during the trials. I am glad that the coverage has ended early on the nights before I have to get up early (I am sure they did that just for me!). As it is, it is time for me to head to bed. I'll be sure to check my clock again before going to sleep tonight :o) I don't think they would appreciate having to do another wake-up call!

Good night.

Handy Mandy

No, I have never been a "Mandy". However that sounded like a fun title considering my major accomplishment of the day was putting together a couple shelves for my office. I enjoy putting things together by myself, but this actually wasn't very challenging. The big "issue" was that I went to Target, bought the two bottom pieces, and put them together. I thought they needed something else, so I went back and got the shelves.

I still need to put the shelves in the right side, but haven't figured out what kinds of books I will put in there, so wanted to wait to see how tall they are. I can't say that I "love" it, because it is only "close" to what I was picturing, and I'm not sure if what I was picturing would actually look any better. The left side opens and has two shelves as well (I should have opened it for the picture, but didn't think about it). I put my CDs on the top two because they were just hanging out in random places (I don't have very many relatively speaking, but it is nice to have them all in one place!). Another option for the top was a two drawer thing. I'm not too excited about how the shelves look, but think they are more useful to what I plan to organize than drawers would be. I have scrapbook stuff scattered all over that room and need to get them in one place and make it a usable space. I have not done any scrapbooking in over a year because that room is so crazy. My college roommate had her fourth baby in July. For each of her other three babies, I put together a little scrapbook that she just had to add pictures and journaling. It wouldn't be quite fair to stop now, but at this rate it may end up being a Christmas gift!

My meeting at the hospital was good. The woman who has been in charge of the memorial service for years is thinking she will retire in about two years. So, she is hoping to have someone else step forward to take over the event while she is still there as a resource. I didn't quite commit to doing that, but it may end up being me. The Pastoral Care and Child Life Departments are heavily involved and it seems like all the contacts and organization is in place, so it sounds like a good kind of event to take over!

My family went to celebrate my cousin's graduation from college. Other than that, the meeting, two trips to Target, and a workout at Curves, it was a pretty quiet day. I am scheduled to go back to work tomorrow for three days in a row. I hardly ever do that, and tomorrow could be tough since I haven't had to get up that early for a while and stay awake all day! Thank goodness the late-night Olympic coverage isn't anything I feel like I have to stay awake for!

So, time to head to bed. Good night.

You May be a Stalker if...

...you send an email to someone you don't "really" know because they haven't updated their blog in four days just to make sure they are okay.
...you drive down the same block three times trying to find the house of someone you know, even though you never planned on going up to the door unless the person was standing outside flagging you down.

Or, maybe that means you just have too much time on your hands! Thankfully the email was viewed as thoughtful and not like that at all, and I never did find that house (it was in one of those neighborhoods that has pretty private entrances and the addresses were not easy to see!)

Apparently, a four meeting and one training session week was not enough to keep me busy. I haven't done a 12-hour shift since Monday and my rear end is growing as it has sat on the couch for must of the past three days and tomorrow will most likely be no different. However, I am thinking about setting some household goals for tomorrow in hopes of feeling like I accomplished something this week!

Back to watching the Olympics. I am thankful to be in Central Time because this is already late enough for me! Tomorrow I was invited to attend a planning meeting at the hospital for a memorial service. If I go, it will be my fourth meeting of the week, and mean I will be at the hospital seven out of eight days. Seeing as I have learned a lot about grief and loss in my time, I feel like I have something to add. Even though it is unlikely I would actually be able to attend the service, it may be nice to participate in the planning. So, I will probably go.

Good night.

Just Chillin' (Again!)

Even though I can think of a LOT of things I could have (should have?) done today, I didn't do much of anything. They didn't need me to work, but I did decide to get up at a semi-decent hour and mow my lawn (it had been a little over 2 weeks, so it was time!). I went with my dad to take their Japanese student to the airport.

We ended up being there a lot longer than expected because her teacher was late getting there! They were going to spend some time in California before heading back to Japan. I didn't spend a WHOLE lot of time with her, but my dad said she was fun. They have hosted quite a few students, and she was one of their favorites. My parents are cool and gave her a really good experience. My sister took her to the zoo. She saw a couple softball games, went to church, toured a high school, went shopping, ate at a couple restaurants... She ate corn on the cob, barbecue chicken, French toast, grilled cheese, and some other "typical" American food and seemed to enjoy that. It is always fun to share those kinds of experiences we usually take for granted.

After my dad brought me home from the airport, I managed to do pretty much nothing the rest of the day other than checking and sending emails. I took a nap before meeting a friend at The Melting Pot. She and some of her co-workers were going for "Ladies' Night" and since I was off, I was able to go. It was yummy as expected :o)

I was planning to go visit my friend at her house after that, but her "pregnant brain" (her words, not mine!) forgot that she had shopping plans with her mother-in-law. So, I met them at Kohl's and kept her almost 2-year-old busy for a little while when they shopped (he only ran away one time, but that was when all THREE of us were around!). I hadn't seen her since she told me she was pregnant, so it was great to finally connect. The baby is due in March, so that is very exciting

I made it home in time to watch more of the Olympics. They have been SO fun to watch so far, and there are lots of days left! Tomorrow I get to go to the hospital for an 8 hour computer training. I am VERY excited about that...ha ha! It shouldn't be TOO bad, I guess, and I will have to pay attention because we are changing the way we document everything the second week in September.

Well, back to the Games. Another late night, but it is worth it!

No Hives!

So, this morning I had my performance evaluation at work. Last year I was a little disappointed (I did write about it here ) and was hoping this year would be better. In reading last year's post, it looks like my manager gave me some ideas and opportunities for improvement. At that time, I did not know that I would become the chairperson for my unit committee or be on a hospital-wide committee. Those experiences, the classes I have taken, the people I have met, and just another year of being a nurse led me to receiving a "much improved" evaluation, and really reflected what I have done to try and do a better job (even though last year I couldn't believe the things that were said and while it was frustruating, I obviously was able to learn from them!). We set some performance improvement goals, and she gave me some ideas on how to better handle those stressful situations. This year, my "passion" for my job was looked upon as something positive in contrast to last year when that almost seemed like a negative. I guess it is all in how I handle myself and the situation. I KNOW that this past year I have been blessed with people who have taught me to cherish each moment and celebrate the small things. I am sure that has helped me not only cope with the difficult times, but also create significance from the little things. (And, I'm not just saying that to convince myself that my "addiction" to reading blogs is okay!") Even when sad things happen, I am able to remember the good times and the special moments I created with patients and their families.

About half-way through our conversation (I was there for about 45 minutes since I also wanted to talk to her about some of the things from yesterday and general unit issues while I had her to myself!), she said to me "you don't even have hives!" I could hardly believe it! It used to be that ANY time I engaged in difficult conversations, or was in a stressful situation, or pretty much any time I went to talk to her about someting I would get "instant hives". There wasn't really anything I could do to stop them...or so I thought! After she said that, I realized that it has probably been quite a while since I had broken out in hives due to nerves/stress. That is SO awesome! Since it is not something that I can control by my head alone, I suppose that means that something within me has changed to where I am more confident and comfortable in those situations. That is SO exciting to me!

I had a meeting after our meeting, then went to a foster parent picnic. It was really fun (even though I didn't end up playing with the kids like I thought I would do!). I talked to the woman I did supervised visits with, the social worker who did my visits, a friend who works at my agency and got me interested in becoming a foster parent, and the mother of a former patient who passed away in January. I actually wrote about her quite a bit because that was a very difficult time for me ( here , here , and here ). Her mom told me how much it meant that I attended her funeral. I told her about how many road blocks I had to go through to make it there, but I KNEW I needed to be there (and hearing that today definitely made it all worth it, and I am even more certain that I NEEDED to be there!). She has been wanted to go to the hospital to visit and donate some of her daughter's things, but has not been able to go through with actually driving there. She asked when I worked, and I told her that I don't have an actual schedule. So, she thought, either I would be there when she came, or I wouldn't. I let her know that if she would like me to go with her to the hospital, to hold her hand as she entered those doors, and stepped onto the floors where her daughter spent many days, and took her last breath, I would do that. Such a seemingly simple gesture, but it was exactly what she needed, and we will plan to go some time in September. We shared stories about her little girl along with some tears. I am looking forward to spending more time with her at future foster parent gatherings. I think she will be very supportive and helpful to me when I have a child placed in my home.

After that, I went to an eye doctor appointment and then "chilled" until my softball game. We only have one game left, and I think I'm ready for the season to be over! My legs have multiple bruises from all the balls that have hit them this season. My elbow, however, is healing very nicely :o) We got beat very badly yet again, but at least the other team was nice. My parents cooked me dinner after the game :o) and we ate with their Japanese student as we watched the Olympics. She leaves tomorrow to spend some time in California before heading back to Jampan and I will go with my dad to the airport if I don't end up having to work. I signed up for a bonus shift in the PICU, but it doesn't sound like they will need me. Again, sort of frustruting since the extra money would be great, but like all the other days I have been "called off", I have lots of other options of things to do. My friend also invited me to a 5:00 dinner that I will be able to attend if I do not work. It is what it is (and it is nearly 12:30, so it probably will be best if I DON'T have to be up at 6:00 now!).

So, quite a busy day! I am still surprised about the whole "no hives" thing (especially that my manager noticed it before I did!) but very excited about that too because that could open a whole new world for me :o) Okay, so maybe not QUITE that dramatic, but it is even more stressful to know that I can't stand up for myself, or for someone else without breaking out in hives. Now maybe I can!

Okay, I am tired, and this is probably a long enough post! Time for bed. Good night.

Ten Hours and Then

...craziness happened and I didn't get off for another THREE hours! The first part of the day was actually pretty great. I got my two patients back from Saturday (I had to convince another nurse to give me one of them since I didn't get to work until nearly 7). Since I had sort of a routine down, we were able to have some fun. I LOVE those days! I had a nice visit with one of the moms about her daughter. I let her know that she has done a FABULOUS job in raising a great kid. This "pre-teen" has multiple issues that make her very different from other kids. She handles them in such a way that her parents MUST have done a great job with her from the very beginning. I enjoyed hearing how they have made it through the struggles of dealing with a chronically ill child, especially when faced with the middle school years that are tough enough. I spent many moments of the day teasing the parents of my other patient. They were totally cracking me up and have maintained a good sense of humor even after all they have gone through with their child.


This is what I love about my job. These moments--they are what keep me going even when the going gets rough. And rough they went this afternoon.


One of my friends works with a consulting service and I hadn't seen her in a couple weeks. I was SO happy to see her! But then, she said something about the "prognosis" of a patient that led me to fighting tears the rest of the day. I had no idea (I know people can be wrong, because it is all in God's hands, but the thought that this child wouldn't make it had NEVER crossed my mind). I'm afraid this could be a tough one if she ends up being correct due to details that I probably should leave . The thought makes me sick to my stomach and brings tears to my eyes. Right after I heard that, I had to start chemo on my new patient (twice in three days after not doing that for probably over a year...gee, thanks!). Then, one of my other patients started having issues that needed to be tended to promptly, I received a phone call from a physician that nearly sent me on a wild goose chase...yep, I LOVE my job!


I am blessed to have such wonderful co-workers. When all heck broke loose, I had no less than FOUR people working to help me get back on track. I was trying not to cry and there were people all around me asking what they could do. Wow!


My parents saved some supper for me, so I ate and watched the Olympics with them and their Japanese student. I think she is enjoying her time here.


Well, it's late and I have a meeting at 9, so I should get ready for bed. Good night.

Taking it Easy

People often give me a hard time because I "only" work three days a week, but they ARE pretty long days, so they tend to wear me out. After working the past two days, all I really wanted to do was "hang out". (I'm trying not to think about how this will all change if a child comes into my home...something tells me that kids don't usually just "hang out"!) So, I slept in even though I probably should have gotten up to mow my lawn (that hasn't been done before I left for vacation, but I also haven't watered it, so it hasn't grown THAT much!). I finally was able to go to church and sing with the choir. I can't remember the last time I had a Sunday off that I wasn't somewhere else, so that was REALLY nice.

My high school did a pretty big renovation project this summer. So, today they blessed the new area and had a "ribbon-cutting ceremony". I actually requested today off so I would be able to attend. My parents are hosting a high school student from Japan for five days, so she attended the event with my mom and me. It was neat to be able to give her a tour of the high school my sister and I attended (even though it actually looks quite a bit different since I graduated 10 years ago!). She also went to church with my parents this morning. My mom and sister took her to the mall. I went to one store with them, but then came home to rest for a little while (and watch some Olympics coverage). We had "family dinner" (mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, myself, and the student). We had chicken, corn on the cob, fried potatoes, and cucumbers which is pretty typical for our family :o) (No tuna casserole...we haven't had that in a while since it is too hot to heat up the oven!)

After dinner, I came home, found a nice place on the couch, and settled in to watch the Olympics. It is fun cheering on the athletes and to witness the American pride (the swimming events have been ESPECIALLY exciting to watch, and I always love women's gymnastics). Go Team USA!

Back to work tomorrow...but just for one day. I would LOVE to have my patients back from yesterday, but am not sure if I will be up at the crack of dawn to make sure that happens :o)

Good night.

Back in the Swing of Things

I posted this ten-minute video again because it didn't actually make it up there last night. I watched it again today, and it still gets me (I watched it at LEAST three times the past couple of days!). I am so blessed to have found what I believe God has called me to do...even if there are days of whining and complaining (yesterday's post being a little evidence of that!).

Today was a LOT slower than yesterday. I was pretty busy in the morning, but the afternoon kind of dragged by. I actually got off early (of COURSE that couldn't have happened when I had early dinner plans, but it was nice anyway!). I was able to spend time laughing and joking with my patients and their families which I didn't have time to do yesterday. I don't know who said "laughter is the best medicine", but would have to say there is a lot of truth in that statement. I am happy that today went better than yesterday. I needed that to kind of "redeem myself" after my first day back after vacation did not feel that great :o) I still have it! :o)

Of course, it wouldn't be work without some kind of drama. In this case, it was a discussion about some proposed changes. I was relating some of the issues to my mother and her response was "Why do people keep trying to change things all the time?" My thoughts exactly. I am planning to stay in this job for a LONG time. Those who are having these "great ideas" are already talking about moving on to something different. I have no idea where my manager stands on this topic. I guess I'll have to keep taking deep breaths and hope that the people who make the final decision can see the big picture and what these changes will do. Or, maybe it will turn out that I am "wrong" in my thoughts...so, I will try to be patient and calm, although it is not going to be easy!

Well, I have DEFINITELY enjoyed watching the first full night of prime time Olympic coverage. I LOVE the Olympics!! I'm looking forward to watching the women's gymnastics tomorrow night (I guess I picked a good day to be off!!)

Breaking a Deal

Today I finally had to go back to work. While I DEFINITELY enjoyed my 10 days off, I think it was time to go back. After having that much time off, I tend to be at LEAST a half step slower, which can be pretty frustruating. It also is hard to stay awake and moving for over 12 hours after being a "bump on a log" for most of 10 days!

I decided, though, that it would be MUCH easier to deal with these issues on my own unit, rather than also trying to work on another unit. Since I was at the hospital for a meeting yesterday, I knew that a nurse had to float to an adult neuro floor. Definitely not my idea of a fun day! When I checked to see who was working before I left home, I noticed that we probably had an extra nurse. Since I hadn't floated since May (when I took care of that sweet gentleman who died less than two days later), I figured it had to be getting close to my turn.

So, throughout my 1.2-mile commute and 5-minute walk to my floor, I was chanting "please don't let me float; not today, please not today". I said "tomorrow would be okay, just not today" (the thought being that I needed at LEAST one day to get back into the groove of things, PLUS I needed to see "my people"...I had missed them!). Then, I made a deal. Not sure who the deal was with, but I made one. I said "if I don't have to float today, then no matter what, today will be a good day". I was well-aware that if indeed I was allowed to stay on my floor, that deal would likely come back to haunt me. But, I decided to make it anyway because I REALLY did not want to work with adults today!

I ended up on my floor (yay), but ran my tail off ALL DAY LONG!! It actually was not very fun at all. I had to administer chemotherapy which always makes my anxiety level rise, especially since it had been a VERY long time since I had to do it. (Some people LOVE giving chemo, and we can do it on my floor, it just isn't done all the time because a lot of that kind of stuff is done outpatient now. I probably don't like doing it because it is time-consuming and unfamiliar, not because it is difficult or scary.) Thankfully, the charge nurse was "all over" helping me get everything set up. That was great! It was the child's first day of chemo, so there was an added level of stress since it was very new territory for the family. There also was a situation where the "higher ups" had kind of determined that a particular family needed the "highest standards". That was SUPER annoying to me, because EVERYONE should get the best care possible. While I understand why this is a "special situation", it did make my job a little more challenging. I always do my best to try and make the families feel as comfortable as I can in a difficult situation. I love treating the emotional needs as much as the physical. What made it even more frustruating was that it didn't come from the family! They are very nice, and appreciative of all I did for them, but I felt like I was being watched from above all day long. Even though I KNOW I do a good job, trying to do it while walking on eggshells is not enjoyable at all. Nothing like a little added stress on my first day back from vacation! My other two patients also were sort of neglected, which is sad to say, but it could have been because that patient was also my sickest.

So, needless to say, the deal was broken more than once. Of course, I used it as a joke when all heck was breaking loose (I definitely did NOT have the worst day of the nurses working today and the night looked like it could be quite interesting in a not-so-great way). Oh yeah, I said today was going to be a great day NO MATTER WHAT! I suppose it was great in a lot of ways, but not one of those "yay, today is a fun, I can hardly believe they pay me to do this, work day". I watched a couple videos yesterday that were really inspiring, so I tried to remind myself of those during the stressful, frustruating, and anxiety-filled times today. (If I can get it to work, I will post one of them here. I can't find the one that was shown at my "care for the care provider" meeting on Wednesday, but this one is good too.)

So, yes, I'm SO glad that I'm a nurse, but am happy that I am home about ready to go to bed! Back I go tomorrow...

Good night.




Laurie, I'm glad you can read the colors on this blog layout better...I never really realized that the "pink on pink" could be hard to read. I agree that this new look really fits my personality and I LOVE it!!

Isn't it PRETTY?!

So, the project "I" have been working on has been revealed. I couldn't be happier about how it turned out (except for the fact that I just don't take great pictures of myself...nothing you can do about that, though!). Nikki at Blogs for a Cause is FABULOUS to work with! I have no clue how to do this type of thing, and am very indecisive (but, luckily for her also not very picky!). As it was, she narrowed down my background ideas to five options and it STILL took me a long time to decide!

The picture of the baby from yesterday was AFTER I woke him up trying to get a "hands" picture (yep, those are his hands and mine!) My friend ended up being able to calm him down relatively quickly to snap a few pictures. Nikki took what I gave her and turned it into something BEAUTIFUL (I'll have to focus on that instead of the other picture of me when I log onto my blog!). She also was able to remove the evidence of my softball injury from the photo...I'm amazed that that is possible!

I guess maybe this will be my "journal" for today...my last day of vacation =o( Okay, so MAYBE I am ready to go back to work! I had a meeting this morning, but it was hardly productive since not many people showed up. It is pretty frustruating to spend that much time preparing to lead a meeting and then not being able to accomplish anything. I had my second home study, and I guess that pretty much means I am VERY close to being a licensed foster parent. That makes me nervous, but also excited to see what will happen. I will now get invited to foster parent events and activities, so that will be fun (I love hanging out with kids and talking to parents, so that will be PERFECT!). On Tuesday, they are having a picnic in the park, and there is a zoo date planned for September. Sounds like a great time to me!

Well, that's pretty much it. I'm feeling like a nap, but wonder what that would do to my trying to go to bed early/getting up early schedule, so will see if I can keep myself awake. My lawn could stand to be mowed, considering it has been over a week and I work the next two days, but I don't exactly feel like doing that!

Enjoy the new look...I know I do :o)

Still on Vacation

I had today off, but am not sure where exactly the day went! My sleep schedule is kind of off and I really need to start getting back to my work sleep schedule or Friday and Saturday are going to be ROUGH! Again I didn't get up until nearly 10, but I DID go work out. Come to find out that the sensors on the ab machine at Curves were off a little which explains why I feel like I did a million crunches (oh well, I suppose a little extra abdominal workout never hurt anyone!)

I asked my friend if she wanted to go to lunch, so I could borrow the baby for a picture (not this one...that one is part of the "details" I needed to have for the project I hinted at yesterday). I ALSO hadn't seen her in a while. Her girls went back home last week so they could start getting ready for school. He slept until I started messing with him to take the picture. This is when he was starting to wake up and not quite sure what was going on. He is getting SO big! (I HAD to buy an outfit for him when I was at Kohl's yesterday and went for an 18-month since he has nearly outgrown 12-month stuff already!) We ended up having a 2 hour lunch (gotta love Chatty Cathy's!), so that shortened the amount of time I was at home today.

I had to go to the doctor to have them fill out a medical release for my foster parent application. Of COURSE they couldn't use my physical from June so I had to pay another co-pay...oh well. I still have quite a few things to fill out before my appointment tomorrow afternoon (I also have to clean my house again...somehow everything exploded everywhere between last Tuesday when she left and today!)

I went to a dinner meeting this evening with a speaker. He talked about compassion fatigue, burnout, and taking care of yourself when you are a care provider. It was really interesting, and I was happy to know that I currently have a pretty good system in place to protect myself from burnout (although I will probably ALWAYS be at risk for "compassion fatigue"!).

I talked to one of my friends on the phone for the first time in a LONG time which was great! I am making plans to go visit her in October around my birthday.

Well, I have to lead my monthly meeting in the morning. We will probably end up having some heated discussions, so I should probably rest up for that!

Good night.

Relaxing Day, Rough Night

I didn't get up until 1000, which was SO nice (I guess sleeping in my own bed by myself WAS as good as I hoped!). I went and worked out, which was kind of rough considering I hadn't been in a week (even though I did quite a bit of walking and did a little swimming while on vacation). I spent the majority of the day working on a little project that will be revealed sometime in the next few days (after I finish doing some of the details). I'm VERY excited, even though it isn't REALLY that big of a deal to most people!

I ran a couple of errands, trying to find a bookcase for my office. I have an idea in mind and didn't find what I was looking for, so guess I will try again tomorrow. I have to get some paperwork filled out by my doctor for my home study. I thought I could do it without an appointment, but no such luck, so I have to go tomorrow afternoon. I have some more paperwork to do before my visit on Thursday. I am going to have to answer some tough questions, and need to make some phone calls before then as well.

My softball team did not do well tonight. This is the third time we have played this team, and we never scored a run (I think my dad said we lost 48-0 to them...argh!). I am the catcher, and love playing there. However, tonight I had a pretty rough time. There was a play at the plate and the ball got there at the same time as the runner. I had the ball for a second, but it fell out when I got plowed over (I considered taking photos of my "war wounds", but decided that it probably wouldn't be nice to do that to my faithful readers!). I think that would have been the third out that inning, and they proceded to score what seemed like a million runs after that. It was VERY frustruating! (AND my elbow was bleeding AND my head felt like it got shaken up) In the next inning, a ball bounced off the plate and hit me in the chin (no helmets in slow-pitch). I'm sure THAT helped my head issues. There was at least one other potential "play at the plate", but I think everyone was a little nervous about another collision. So, we lost, and they aren't a very fun team to play. One of my cousins is having surgery this week, so today was her last game, but we did take "team photos"...overall it has been a fun season, but tonight was rough.

I sat outside with my parents after the game for a while. I tried telling my mom the story I posted last night about welcoming the woman to the reunion. I was REALLY glad that I got THREE comments on that post (Thanks SO much! You ladies are FABULOUS!) because the reception I received from my mom was not like that at all. I'm not sure if I didn't tell the story very well or what the deal was. For whatever reason, she turned the story in a way that somehow justified why SHE wasn't the first one...my point of the story wasn't to say that someone else could have or should have been THAT person, but that it was really neat that the person was ME! Anyway, it was really weird, so I'm guessing she must have misunderstood the significance of my story. At least I have the memory in writing that shows how much that moment meant to me!

Alright, I did take a bath to try and soothe all my aching muscles, and took some pain medication. My head does not feel that great, but the fact that it is after midnight probably doesn't help matters any. So, I really should go to bed. Good night.

There's Nothing Like...

sleeping in your own bed (especially when you don't have to make sure no critters crawled in during the day before you get into it!). We left around 6:30 this morning, which is VERY early for our family! We stopped for lunch, dinner, gas, and a few bathroom breaks, but I was home before 10:00. I slept in the car, so will probably end up having trouble falling asleep (or, maybe not...it was quite a weekend!). I posted pretty quickly yesterday from the pool, but was happy to see that I didn't write anything too crazy and the pictures I chose were okay (there was a sun glare and I was running out of battery, so I went kind of fast!). Since I posted pictures along the way, I probably will not make a slide show, but did pick out some other photos to round out the vacation posts.

My sister is SO "animated" (I always look stupid when I try to make funny faces!). She LOVES burnt marshmallows...and had a mouth-full when we decided to take a picture.

Nothing like a campfire when it is still close to 90 degrees and humid even when the sun is down.

Me and my mom and "second mom"

This is the wife of the son of my grandma's cousin (he is in the background). I believe only about three of the thirty or so people who were there had ever met her. I felt pretty bad for her because, even though we are a really nice family, being at a gathering with THAT many people who know each other but not you is sure to be intimidating, even if you have an outgoing personality. I can't imagine what kinds of thoughts were going through her mind as she traveled to this event! I ended up talking to her quite a bit since we are both nurses, so had that in common (along with all the commonalities that go along with people who choose nursing as a profession!) Last night, when we were all starting to say our good-byes, she shared something with me that touched my heart. She said "you were the first person who came to talk to me when I got here". I was the first person to introduce myself, the first person to welcome her to our family gathering, the first face that had a name. Wow! That is the kind of person I want to be--the kind of person who can help someone feel comfortable in a situation that is anything but that. However, it is one thing to think that's who I am, or who I WANT to be, and another to find out I did it without even thinking about it. Of course, there were other times this trip that I was rather impatient and probably unkind, but in that moment, that moment that mattered to HER, I did what "came natural". And that one tiny gesture made a difference in her experience. She knew that at least one person was happy she was there (of course ALL of us were glad she came, but she didn't know that!). There were a LOT of great things that happened on this vacation, but this has to be up there on the "highlights" list for me :o)

Good-bye to Cabin Six...it was fun, but I'm ready to go home!

So, good night from home. I have tomorrow off, but think I have quite a "to do" list!

A Little Competition

Today we finally had the softball game we have been talking about for what seems like FOREVER! After postponing it a few times, I wasn't sure we were going to actually do it, but I'm SO glad we did! My family is pretty darn competitive and ALL athletic...it was AWESOME!! My aunts all used to play softball and thought they were "old" now, but they still had their skills. We ended up in a tie, so it was PERFECT! I'm SO excited this worked out.




We had about 20 of us at church this morning which pretty much doubled the number of regular parishioners. It was GREAT! The Gospel reading was about the miracle of five loaves and two fish which was SO fitting considering we have been cooking for thirty the past few days (our food has seemed to multiply too...who is working the miracles here?!).


My family is on schedule for tonight's dinner, so I had better go see what I can do to help. Back home to "reality" tomorrow...we are planning to drive straight through (I'm thinking I will sleep since I don't have to read the map this time!).

So long from the wilderness.

Picture Time

My family LOVES taking pictures...and EVERYONE has a camera. So, last year we created a family "shutterfly" account so people can upload photos there to try and decrease the number of cameras. It hasn't exactly worked and it still feels like the paparazzi has arrived. The little ones actually did pretty well especially considering the sweat came pouring down just in the short amount of time we were getting set up/sitting for photos. We were all bribed with cheesecake after we were good for pictures :o)

After pictures, I did take a dip in the pool and tried my hand at float races. I can't remember the last time I went swimming (the whole putting on a bathing suit thing is a deterrent for me!). It actually was pretty fun, and a little cooler at that time. I'm actually thinking I'm going to have to suck it up and put my suit on now in order to cool down a little (I'm sitting in the "air conditioned" lodge, but sweating like crazy anyway).

After swimming, we gathered into our "home base" cabin and talked and laughed, and played games (and there was a bit of alcohol too). It was SO much fun (so, I don't feel as bad taking some "alone time" because I was quite "social" later!).

I was going to play a little "Where's Waldo?" with our family photos, but think I am pretty easy to spot.

More later...or tomorrow. I'm off to find a way to cool off...and then I'm thinking a nap could be in the plans.

Good day from the middle of nowhere...where luckily there is wireless Internet :o)

Gotta Love Wireless

Here I am in the middle of nowhere (and, obviously being a bit anti-social today), but I have found a place where I can get the Internet! Oh, technology can be FABULOUS!!

My sister was really funny last night...she said something like "So, why did we drive 700 miles to 'hang out' when most of these people live within three hours of us?!" Yes, kind of crazy, but here we are in the middle of the wilderness where it is pushing 100 degrees and VERY humid (don't you wish you were here?!). But, we are all here sweating bullets together in the forest and that's what matters :o)

Anyway, last night eleven of us drove to a nearby town for a minor league baseball game. It was VERY fun (the mayor of the town was sitting in front of us and we "chatted"...very cool!). We borrowed a van for the drive and the battery died. So, I went with my dad this morning to get a new battery (it took about 30 minutes to get to the nearest town because we are so far in the wilderness!). Then, when we got back, pretty much all the cabins were locked (neither of us could get into ours). So, we walked back and forth for a while until we found someone to open a door and find some food for lunch. I didn't go swimming or visit with the family much today, but guess the day is still young...maybe I'll get over my annoyance at getting locked out of my cabin in time to have fun tonight!

My cousins and sister were watching a movie and taking a nap, so I packed up my lap top and walked to the lodge where they have wireless (my cell phone doesn't have service here, so I'm excited to be connected this way!). I guess since it seems most of my family is currently napping, that means I'm not being COMPLETELY anti-social, right?!

I can't stay away from my blog (or the blogs I read) for long, so I'm sure I'll post again :o)