Vegas Vacation Day Two

Well, it is 1 AM Vegas time on October 23, 2009, so my 30th birthday is officially over. I received my first birthday text message at 3:45 AM. I got my second at 6:03 AM, my third at 6:35, my fourth at 6:49, my fifth at 6:59...by 8:15, I decided it was time to get up and get ready (unfortunately, it had to happen after I had one of those dreams in between snooze buttons that happened to be a not very good dream...for the sake of having my dream written down, it involved me consoling a woman about my age who had a terminal illness and had decided to stop any further treatment [yeah, nice dream for a birthday morning!] to make matters worse as far as nightmares go, she got lab work drawn by someone else who was careless and stuck me with the used needle, which is probably one of THE worst nightmares of someone working in health care...and then I woke up and went on to have a fabulous day!) I got phone calls, texts, facebook messages, and emails all day long...I already knew I was blessed, but it is really cool to have "documentation" of the extra effort people went to to tell me how special I am and send me happy birthday wishes. It really is awesome to feel that much love (I also get lots of love on days that AREN'T my birthday, but everyone came out in full force today!) :o)

Obviously, since it is "only" 1 AM, I didn't go TOO crazy, but I AM really tired, so the rest of the post will mostly be pictures (of course, when I got back to my room at midnight, blogger was down or I may have been able to write a longer, more inspiring post, but it is what it is...and, I'm thinking I may need to go back to the former way of posting because I'm just not sure I like this new way...especially when I was unable to even find spell check last night!)

My aunt and uncle got to our hotel at around 9:40. After I finished getting ready, we went to the Monte Carlo and met up with the rest of our party. I played some slots and had brunch with "the girls", but also bet horses with the guys in the sports book. I had a couple Baileys and Coffee since it was early as well as a Tequila Sunrise (a guy dropped off a bunch of free drink coupons on our table...my back was to him, so I'm almost certain he didn't see my shirt, but that would have been cool!)

We had a late lunch/snack at a Mexican cantina outside the Monte Carlo and I had a pretty green drink with Midori that was very strong and left me buzzing for a little while. I did get a picture with it, but am too tired to mess with trying to post that right now.

We headed back to our hotel after that so my aunt and uncle could check into their room and freshen up. I met up with a woman from Curves who was here with her husband staying at the same hotel. We sat out by the pool with our feet in and chatted for quite a while (her husband got us Bud Lites). I got a picture with her, but, again, lazy/tired. When I finally got back to my room, I discovered that my friend from high school and her husband had a bottle of Malibu sent to my room...SO sweet!

We had 6:30 reservations at an Italian place they all had heard of, and my aunt and uncle had been to that was near the Flamingo (we took the Monorail there). As it turned out, there were FOUR of us in that room celebrating birthdays. We got a group picture and I talked to a girl named Jessica from Ohio who turned 21 and was there with her family. Here are some pics from the restaurant--

From there, we went to Paris. My money went very far at Paris after I won 600 nickels on this machine :o) I ended up bringing home $5 more than I put in, which isn't a lot, but definitely better than nothing!

We had our final drinks for the night at the MGM Grand. I had my dad do an Irish Car Bomb with me (Ginger's husband told me on facebook to drink a yard of Guinness...well, I'm not so sure I would be able to drink straight Guinness, let alone that much, but I CAN do Irish Car Bombs and actually kinda like them...my dad liked it too!) They didn't give us big glasses for the Guinness so when we dropped the shot glass in, the drink splashed everywhere, which is why it looks like I am holding myself...I was trying not to get it on my white shirt...and, was successful at not getting salsa, pasta sauce, or alcohol on my white shirt which is very awesome in my opinion!

What a great day! My family told me that tomorrow I will have to start buying my own food and drinks...ha!

Time for bed. Good night from Vegas...night two :o)

Vegas Vacation Day One

It has been a long day, but I did want to journal (even though it costs $12.95/day for Internet and there is another post set to go in few minutes edited to add that I took so long typing this post that the post I had scheduled to post actually posted BEFORE this one...).

I had a short night since I stayed up packing, watching TV, and blogging. I got picked up at 6:00 to catch the early flight to Vegas. I chose my own row with a seat by the window, my parents sat behind me (my dad likes the window too and I don't like the aisle) and their neighbors/our friends sat on the other side of the aisle. It was a turbulent flight, but we made it, and gained time in the air because of the time difference (crazy how that works!)

When we arrived at the airport, there was a limo driver holding up a paper with my name on it (well, it said "Amada", but that makes for a better story!) The four of them surprised me and it was great (there was champagne in the limo too!) I think we even get to take a limo back to the airport on Saturday :o)

"The neighbors" are staying at the MGM Grand which is pretty much right across the street from the Hooters Hotel where my parents and I are staying, and where my aunt and uncle will stay when they arrive in the morning. We met up for "brunch" then rested for a little bit before heading out for dinner and a show (it was a GREAT show...the ventriloquist who won America's Got Talent...I can't find spell check on here and am pretty sure that is spelled wrong...) So far, I haven't had to pay for any food, drinks, or my show ticket, so that is awesome...although I'm a little disappointed that no one really noticed my "It's my 30th Birthday! Buy me a drink." button I wore all day long, but I have a shirt to wear tomorrow :o) I haven't lost TOO much gambling yet, but that is good since there are a couple days left!

Well, even though it isn't quite midnight here, my body thinks otherwise, so I should go to sleep. Today I was thinking about the post I had written to run this morning and wondering how it sounded. I am not quite sure that is how the whole "verse of birth" thing is "supposed" to work, but am thinking that I may need to do some searching when I get home too, but keep the verses coming (even if they aren't 10:22, but you think fit for me and/or this day or just like them or whatever...I'm easy to please!)

Steph emailed me these verses (her blog is set to private, so linking to her won't really do much!). I think they are great, and thoughtful, so wanted to share (since they are not "available" for others to read) Thank you SO much Steph (and to Nikki who left a comment on that post).

Hebrews 10:22- let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

Proverbs 10:22-The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.

Matthew 10:22-All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Good night from Vegas where I can see the lights of New York, New York when I look out my window :o)

30 Years

So, I didn't have time to make a NEW birthday video (especially since my hard drive got wiped out after I made last year's video and the only way I know how to make a new one is to re-scan all those pictures which is not my idea of fun!). I am scheduling this post to go at 1:45 AM on 10/22/09, exactly 30 years after I was born :o) I had a TERRIFIC time celebrating my 29th birthday in California (but my pictures from that are on my other computer, otherwise I would post an "update" to the video) and am certain that turning 30 in Vegas will be SO much fun!



If, for some reason, this video won't play, I put it in a couple different forms in last year's post.

My grandma sent me the cutest card and I think it is worth sharing (just in case I end up throwing the card away, I will have my blog :o) )
"The day you were born and they said 'It's a girl!' everyone in the family just couldn't stop smiling. We had looked forward to your arrival so much, and-finally-you were here! You grew from a baby into a cute little girl, and the years that followed were filled with more smiles and happy celebrations. Of course, you're not a little girl anymore...where did the time go? But you're a wonderful granddaughter who brings smiles to everyone around you--just like you did on that very first day!"

That made me smile...gotta love Hallmark for finding great words :o)

I'm sure there will be more from Vegas, but enjoy the movie...especially all the pics of me with crimped hair...I thought I was SO cool!

Birthday Gifts

(Written 10/16/09 around 9 PM)
So, I'm feeling a little "greedy" seeing as it is my 30th birthday and have a birthday gift request/idea that I have been thinking about for a long time. This is one of those times that I sort of wish I had a lot of "readers" so I could get a lot of gifts. ;o) I was not sure when the best time to post this request would be, but I'm thinking that if I set it to post early in the morning of my birthday, that would be good...but, if I set it to go earlier than that, then people would have time to "prepare" my gift. However, since I will be out-of-town for a few days surrounding my birthday, there will still be time. So, maybe I should make it "randomly" post at a point the day BEFORE my birthday since I will likely be out "partying" in Vegas anyway. Then, there would be time if some of my dear readers wanted to ask any of THEIR friends to gift me this as well ;o)

Now the one or two of you who are reading are curious, aren't you?!

Okay, so what I want is a "Verse of Birth" (or, "Verses of Birth"). I have seen people do that on some of the blogs that I have read and think it is really neat! I think sometimes people use their birth date and find a Bible verse that just "fits" and that seems like a really special, personal, (free) gift. My birthday is 10-22 and I smile every time I catch the clock reading 10:22 (I'm a little nuts, I know!) Surely, then, there is a "perfect" verse somewhere that is 10:22, right?! Or a couple "perfect" verses?! Of course, I know that I could go searching myself, but this seems kind of fun, and maybe even easy for some of my friends.

So, there you go, I am asking for birthday gifts. I've only been telling people I am turning 30 on October 22, 2009 for the past year! Selfish, possibly, maybe probably, but I'm in Vegas and just because I am ASKING doesn't mean you HAVE to!

Set to post on 10/21/09 at 10:22 AM :o) Not "random" at all...ha!

On a Jet Plane

I am headed for Las Vegas bright and early (I am getting picked up at 6:00!) I am almost finished packing, but taking a little break to blog and watch The Biggest Loser. I skipped my workout again today since I worked ALL day at the pumpkin patch (well, 11-4:30...) I made a couple stops on the way home, then it was after 6:30 and I decided it wasn't going to happen. So, I started my "30 Days to 30" on September 17 and ended up doing 22 days (since I'm "obviously" not bringing my video to do tomorrow!). I don't think that is TOO bad considering I went on vacation and sort of was working two jobs this month. I'm a little annoyed that I worked that hard and sweat that much and believe I only lost 1/2 a pound, but it wasn't all about weight and inches, it was about setting a goal and sticking to it. Even though I didn't reach the exact goal I set for myself, I pretty much knew when I set it that it was unrealistic, but definitely worth a shot!

I am bringing my netbook with me, and I have my own hotel room, so probably will end up posting from Vegas. But, I did also set a couple posts to go while I am gone, so there actually may be more posts than usual rather than less!

Well, maybe I should pick up my living room while I watch TV rather than blog. Vegas here I come...hope you are ready ;o)
Good night!

Still here

It has been a couple days since I posted and I'm still here! I wish I could say that I have been busy cleaning my house, but I must be honest and say that my "goal" of being able to walk on my living room floor NOT on my tip toes prior to leaving for Vegas is highly unlikely. I have clothes in the dryer, dishes in the sink, and papers all around. I worked at the pumpkin patch all day yesterday and went there straight from church. When I got home, I did my workout did some visiting online, but didn't do a blog post or clean.

Today, I had a counseling appointment which went well...although I can't seem to go without crying at some point! I do think I am doing a better job of taking care of myself and feel very good about that. I went shopping for a little while after that, then stopped by my sister's on the way back to work at the pumpkin patch. I worked there until about 9:30, then had to get gas on the way home and take a shower. I did not do my work out since my legs are sore and I am tired (and I found out this morning that I've only lost 1/2 a pound since I started so I am also a little annoyed). I am still working on writing about my "brush with fame", but I changed the settings on my blog for posting and it is being super annoying when I try to put pictures in. Plus, I am working on my netbook which is a little harder than my lap top, but I left my lap top at my sister's house.

So, once again I am staying up really late with not that much to "show" for it. I need to go to the bank in the morning to get money for my trip. Then, I work all day at the pumpkin patch (what was I thinking signing up for so many days!) I would have liked to have gone to the dinner meeting with all the people from my Montreal trip, but I think that will be pushing it since I have no idea when I will pack and I believe our flight leaves in the 7:00 hour Wednesday morning.

Still here, busy, but having fun and doing well (messy house and all!)
Good night.

Those are my thighs...

and those are my arms...and those are my shoulders...and that is my back...and...

Yep, Level Two is a "killer"...surely I must be a bad measurer because these workouts are kicking my butt (or at least working my thighs, arms, and shoulders!) Oh my goodness am I sore! It is hard to tell if my clothes are fitting better or if it is just that I am wearing different clothes. It also is hard to tell if I look "better" because of the workout or because of what my eyes are able to see. In any case, I've been doing my workouts, I've been sweating, and I am feeling a sense of accomplishment with that.

I worked yesterday and today and do not work at the hospital again until the 26th. I work the next three days at the pumpkin patch. My "housework goal" is to get my living room in order before I go on vacation (or at least somewhat in order...even if that means shifting some of the clutter to the "scrapbook room" until after I get home). I can't believe that I am leaving for Vegas in four days (well, less than four days since I am leaving in the morning). I actually think I have quite a bit to do before then!

Well, I stayed up later than planned yet again (I stayed up late a LOT of days this week!). So, I think it is time to go to bed since six hours at the pumpkin patch could be CRAZY especially if it the weather is good!

Good night!

Level two

So, I am trying to use this new blogger posting thingamajig that I saw today and it is kinda crazy. And, it's kinda late to figure it out. So, there are some pics from when I went to the Pumpkin Patch on Tuesday. I love that there is a camel there (more than one actually!) The pig races are super fun and make me laugh every year :o)

Today I tried Level two of the 30 Day Shred. What in the world was I thinking?! Holy Moly, it is crazy and I'm not so sure I can do level two again tomorrow after I get off work!

Well, it is midnight and I work the next two days, so better get some rest.

Good night!

"Bumped" Post

So, since I stayed up late chatting with a friend and don't feel like writing anything new, I am actually going to "bump" a post I wrote last year on October 14 and re-post it here. It actually is extra appropriate since I am in the middle of composing an email to Angie Smith who is mentioned in this post. Thinking about all my friends who have experienced pregnancy, infant, and child loss especially on this "official" day. Interestingly enough, the "E" that is mentioned actually got even MORE sick, but doing well now. "A" is doing AWESOME at home, and the "baby" turned two. The post I wrote October 15, 2008 was pretty interesting as well...although I'm not sure what the "secret" was that I mentioned...ha!

The past two days have been cold and rainy. I guess it kind of goes with the emotions of these days. I do actually LOVE the rain, and the cooler weather brings the comfort of sweatshirts, warm socks, and blankets. I'm NOT ready for snow and ice, but rainy and cool is fine :o)

There is a lot I wanted to write, but it is already kind of late and I need to finish up some laundry before I go to bed. Little "E" is hanging in there, I visited my "A-team" girl and her mom today, and the "baby" is officially one year old. I go back to work tomorrow for three days before my vacation. I am hoping I can keep my cool in the morning and not worry about "the list". What is meant to happen will happen, and I will not be doing it alone :o)

It has come to my attention that tomorrow, October 15, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day . As part of that day, there is to be a Wave of Light (I'm not sure if I did this whole "link" thing correctly, but I think you can get to the site by clicking on this Post's title as well...). I will actually be at work during "my time" for this Wave of Light, but will plan to light a candle when I get home. I visited Angie's blog and she is doing something VERY neat there. I scrolled through over 500 stories of families who have lost babies and prayed for them...I am sure there are even more stories now. What a blessing to all those families to be able to put their stories somewhere to share, and get prayers they may or may not have received at the time off their loss.

So, to Angie , Emily, Kristy, Kenzie, Kim, Angie, Chrissy, and all the others who have shared their babies and their stories with me, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today (as you are every day). You and your children have blessed me more than you know.

Good night. (That still took me thirty minutes to type...all that "linking"! I'd better do my laundry quick and head to bed...still haven't started packing for my trip!)

Good night (the 2009 version...ha!)

Words that Speak

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return..." For Good Wicked Soundrack


"Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child."



"Life breaks and falls apart, but we know these are places where grace is soon to be so amazing.
It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored, but when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord, just watch and see. It will not be unredeemed." Unredeemed Selah


"Kindness refreshes and restores the tired and broken." ~When Did I See You Hungry?

"Mercy brings you to your knees, forgiveness lifts you to your feet. In time, you will find, grace will reach your lowest low and never let you go." Arise Avalon

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'." ~Erma Bombeck

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." ~Frederick Douglass

Hmm, this was an "idea" I had since I wanted to post those lyrics from Wicked after hearing them this morning, and also the song from YouTube for other reasons, and then thought of other good songs/found other quotes and now it sounds like I am having "issues" or something. I'm actually doing fine. I had a good day. I thought this was going to be a quick post, but it ended up taking WAY longer than if I had actually written something myself (more than 30 minutes MORE than I was anticipating)! I have a dentist appointment in less than 8 hours and have a CPR class all afternoon. I actually think I need to "study" before I go. So, enough of this "randomness", but there is some "food for thought" and "words that speak" here anyway...
Good night.

More to Come...

I really want to spend time in reflection about all that happened this weekend, but tonight is not the night. It is now after midnight, I worked all day, and I need to get everything together for a meeting tomorrow morning (starts at 8:30...ugh!) I did do the Shred when I got home since I couldn't miss ANOTHER workout! So, in the mean time, here are a few pictures from what was quite the "spiritual" weekend.

My Godson's Baptism

Paperwhite bulbs at the Memorial Service

The view from my seat at the concert

I was supposed to meet with the counselor tomorrow, but she called to let me know she was not feeling well and wanted to reschedule. I ended up talking to her for at LEAST 15 minutes which is 1/4 of a "visit" that was free...ha! I did point that out to her and it made her laugh...I'm ALWAYS up for free therapy ;o)

Well, I have no clue where the stuff for my meeting is and am sure I won't want to wake up earlier to search for it, so better get to that and then hit the hay.

Prayers to {aefilkins} and her family who found out today that the baby she was carrying had passed away. Also, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, so prayers to all who have experienced such loss, or loves someone who has.

Good night.

Fill 'er Up

Not EXACTLY the same as "Re-fueled" but pretty darn close (I like that post...especially the link back to my post about Poppy Joy...Angie is sending me an autographed copy of the book...exciting!)

I am skipping The Shred again tonight. I had a pretty exciting day/night and think that doing an 11:00 work out would not be a good idea considering sleep, or lack there of, was a contributing factor to the "funk" and I need to be at my best for a Monday at the hospital!

This day was filled with interactions and events that "filled me up", including a long, very sound, night's sleep.

I need to go to sleep and want to spend extra time when I write about these things, so I will make a bullet list (as if I will forget, but you never know!)

• Actually being off on a Sunday when I can attend 11:00 Mass and sing with the choir.
• The Perinatal/Pediatric Memorial Service
• The concert and all that transpired there (in one word, "awesome"!)

More to come, but sleep needs to come first because I cannot start my work week the way it ended...that would not be good!

Good night. (The countdown to my birthday is 1 week and four days, but I am leaving in just TEN days...hint hint to my t-shirt designing friend... ;o) )

Another Funk?!

Boy, do I feel out of sorts! While my past couple of posts have been somewhat silly, they also show what kind of funk I've been in. My three work days this week really were crappy and I was SOOOO crabby...well, I FELT crabby, not exactly sure what other people would say to describe how I was acting. I stayed up way too late every night, so also worked on very little sleep which either contributed to, or was the cause of the horrible way I felt. Things were really busy on the unit and I also had a couple patients (two of my three) who were what my mom would call "energy vampires" and every little thing they did irritated me and I was spinning around like a Tasmanian devil (one of my co-workers actually did compare me to that) and could not hear myself think...

And, since one of the things the counselor told me is that I spend a LOT of time in my head. I think A LOT...so, I suppose when I can't hear myself think that creates quite a problem! It was an awful feeling and I really was pretty crabby from early on Wednesday all the way through about three o'clock in the afternoon yesterday (Friday). By that time, things settled down a little bit for me, or it was like a switch turned and I was all of a sudden "ok". I was able to help out one of the other nurses who was busy and offer help to the other nurses, something I hadn't been able to do.

However, even though I got sleep last night, my funk was not quite finished. My best friend from high school asked me to be her son's Godmother and this morning was his Baptism. Her father-in-law is a Deacon, so it was a private Baptism and it was really nice. After the Baptism, I ran a couple errands and relaxed at home for a little while before going to their house for a party and football. Oh, did I mention that it SNOWED last night...I don't ever remember it snowing before my birthday! And, I finally turned on the heat on my house when it reached 54 degrees inside. Anyway, at the party, my friend's dad asked me what was new with me, etc. Usually, I can't WAIT to tell people all about my life, what I've been up to, how great things are, but for some reason I was irritated by him talking to me and admit to being pretty short with my answers. Even in the moment I knew I was being really rude, but didn't really do anything to change it. I actually was pretty quiet today and didn't feel much like talking at all, so watched football and rested my eyes, and played with the kids. It was fun spending time with my friend after everyone else left, but I think I was too tired to truly enjoy myself, and be myself.

Driving home, I drove on the stretch of road where the sister of a girl I went through grade school and high school was killed on Thursday. This was the first time I had been on that part of the highway and it felt "weird". Today also would have been the sixth birthday of a patient whose family was/is very special to me. He passed away two years ago last month...

Then, after I got home, my mom called me. I haven't talked to her in days, but, again, was pretty "short" with her and didn't feel like chatting. That is SO unlike me because typically I could talk anyone's ear off!

Tomorrow is my hospital's annual Perinatal/Pediatric Memorial Service. I like being involved with this event, but am not as excited about it as I was hoping. I was supposed to be the "co-chair" of the committee, but someone else took over pretty much everything (not the other co-chair) and didn't let anyone else give input. I am sure it will be nice, but it is hard because I was really looking forward to having some ownership in making it special. I also have two tickets to a concert. I am really excited about seeing this Christian group and know quite a few of my "blog friends" would go with me. I bought two tickets, but still do not know if I will bring anyone. No one I have talked to has heard of them. I am really excited, but don't really want to bring someone who wouldn't be excited too. I think it would be easier to go alone, and maybe more enjoyable (especially since I am in this "funk"...maybe I NEED to be "alone")

I don't like this funk, but hopefully getting some sleep will allow it to leave quietly and not come back for a while. I am meeting with the counselor again on Tuesday. I think I am ready for her to give me some ideas on how to deal with these "funks" or set some goals. We have talked a bit about some of my "issues", so I know some of what is going on, but not necessarily how to deal with them or work through them...guess that's why I am not done having visits!

Good night.

Too Tired Tonight

'Twas totally telling to try to talk like that. Then, 'tis true that twitter terminated the tomorrow that trusted to be "top". Today "tanked" too. Too tired to Shred tonight. 'Tis tragic yet true. Too tired to type (yet this has taken me 20 minutes so far!)
________________
It was another crabby day until around 3:00 when the crabby cloud seemed to leave for a while. I am really tired, which could be the root of the crabbiness. My cell phone did ring with twitter updates during the night from yesterday that didn't make it through for some reason even though my phone was on vibrate. When you go to bed at midnight and the alarm goes off at 5:30, waking up at 2:53, 3:42, and 5:22 is not good (especially after having two yucky days at work already). So, I'm skipping my Shred again. I had pizza, microwave popcorn, and a fall release Woodchuck for dinner (I have never heard of this "limited release" and it is AWESOME!). I am going to watch my DVR of Medium and go to bed...

Goodnight from Crabbyland. I hope I don't make a trip to visit you again any time soon.

Skipped Shred for Social

So, after a shift that is best summed as "sucky", she (that is, me) set out to see if a social setting could save the "suckiness". She was served some cold yet satisfying supper and sat to see (hear) what's shaking with said staff (co-workers). She spoke silly stuff and shot the (what's that phrase?!) and stayed 'til Seamus (and she) sought sleep.

So, she skipped her shred for social, but also skipped some sleep.

She slept so soundly yet so so short. Still, she surmised this shift was sure to be superior.

So sorry, sir (er, lady), super sh**** is on the schedule for the second shift. "Sweet", she says. Start over?!

Stupid shift. Shred not skipped. Still sleepy. Should be sleeping.

Substitution please...tomorrow SHOULD be superior...right?!

Crazy Crabby lady cannot sustain subsequent shifts of "suckiness".

Sleep, sleep, sleep.

Cups o' Joe

Cup o' Joe number 1
=>Some kind of grande pumpkin flavored latte at the hospital coffee shop (?maybe a Starbucks).
I met with a woman at the hospital about a couple of the hospital committees I am on at 9:00 this morning. The hospital implemented this structure nearly five years ago and are looking into seeing what is working, what is not, and what changes need to be implemented. I feel like I have an excellent grasp on how it is "supposed" to work and was able to give her some good feedback. When we agreed to meet, she told me she would "buy me a coffee" since we were meeting early on my day off. She forgot to bring her money, but had $1.25 to give me...that maybe would have paid for a "regular" coffee, but not a "special" drink. It was pretty funny. We talked for a LONG time...probably a lot longer than she planned, but it is something I am passionate about and once I got going, she let me talk. I think it was well after 10:00 when I said good-bye and went on my way.

Before I left the hospital, I called interpretive services. I was hoping one of the interpreters I really like was working. She wasn't, but the one who answered was willing to help me (after I explained what I wanted her to do!) I couldn't stop thinking about one of the patients I cared for on Sunday...the mom who was SO exhausted with her two, hopefully not three, sick kids. Since she didn't speak English, I couldn't just stop by or call the Ronald McDonald House to check in on her. HOWEVER, I was not going to let that get in my way (my heart wasn't going to let me!) So, the interpreter and I had a three-way conversation with the mom. As you would imagine, she thought it was SO sweet of me to call and check on her. She didn't have anything I could "do" to help, but at least she knows I was thinking about her, and cared enough to ask (not sure what I would have done if she had asked me to come visit or something...I think my immune system is pretty darn good after this many years of working with kids, but knowingly exposing myself to the flu is probably not the best idea!) I thanked the interpreter multiple times for her assistance and feel MUCH better knowing that I did all I could do. :o)

Cup o' Joe Number 2
=>At 1:00 this afternoon (after a trip to the grocery store and gas station), I went to this cute little coffee shop that I had never visited. It is close to my house, so I may need to go there more often! I had a grande caramel apple latte (and carrot ginger soup) while visiting with a woman I met last year at a Bible study. She and her husband both converted to Catholicism and he is leading his third Bible study at their parish. She is taking classes to be a spiritual advisor. She is super sweet and we just had some great conversation. About an hour and a half into our visit, I told her how great it was that she NEVER mentioned the fact that I was single and not dating (I don't consider going out with "J" once "dating"...) This comment REALLY caught her off-guard. That thought had NEVER crossed her mind. I think that kind of reaction is EXACTLY what I needed in this point of my "therapy"...a person who doesn't know me all that well, but through the course of our conversation realized that I really AM happy right now with the way things are, with the things I am able to do with my life, being able to use my talents the way that I do... It was just awesome, a special gift...as seemingly "random" as it seemed for us to get together for coffee and a chat, it really was not "random" at all (as I have come to know that not many things are "random"!)

After my 2 hour coffee/chat, I stopped by my sister's to drop off a couple outfits (I usually bring him a new one every time I see him...yesterday I brought other stuff, but I had to bring my sister some other things today as well, so took along some cute sleepers :o) ). Then, I went to Carter's since my coupon was about to expire, and I definitely can't let THAT happen! I stopped by Kohl's to return/exchange my suitcase that didn't exactly survive my Montreal trip. However, it came as a three-piece set and I didn't even THINK about bringing the other two pieces until I was half-way to customer service...ugh! I was going to stop by Fashion Bug as well (one of my three coupons WILL expire, but I still have time to use the other ones!) and also Hallmark, but I skipped those and just went to TJMaxx and picked up some hand weights for my "Shred". They only had 2 pound weights right where I could find them, so I got them. Just a tiny step up from my cans of cream corn, but I bet I will be able to tell when I use them tonight!

Cup o' Joe Number 3
=>It was gray, windy, and chilly and I was pretty darn cold after all my errand-running, so I HAD to get another coffee. This time, I drove through my favorite coffee place...and decided I should try a grande "half-caf" pumpkin flavored latte. (My peeps on facebook were worried about me having that much caffeine and my ability to fall asleep tonight...sleep is not typically an issue for me!) It was yummy, even with only half the caffeine :o)

Then, I had a pizza, and some special fall-flavored Woodchuck (I have NEVER seen that before, so HAD to pick up 2 six-packs!). I talked to my best friend from college on the telephone whom I haven't talked to in FOREVER for quite a while (I shared my Montreal slide show with her...she enjoyed that!) Then, I watched my DVR of The Biggest Loser and once again was reminded that I could not be on that show because I enjoy my pizza, chips and salsa, margaritas, mashed potatoes, etc. WAY too much.

Well, I haven't done my workout yet, but I'm going to "mark" that I did it, so that means I have to. Back to work tomorrow for three days in a row...hopefully they are good ones!

Busy, but fun day...and, in case it was not evident in this post...I LOVE coffee!
Good night :o)

Outside and Organizing

I wore my "Aunt" shirt :o)

Before he fell asleep on the car ride home.

In Cinderella's Pumpkin Carriage.

Today I went with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew to the pumpkin patch. We took a bunch of fun pictures (they didn't upload in the order I wanted them to, but I'm too tired to change them...) :o) We had a fun time and my nephew enjoyed being outside...he did NOT enjoy the carrier I bought at a consignment store. He has never been in a wrap or carrier, and apparently isn't a fan of swaddling, so that was an experience he was not excited to have. Maybe he will if he tries it out a few times. I definitely think it would make things easier for his parents, but I didn't mind carrying him all around the farm. (We did have the travel system, but it was easier to get pictures when he was being carried...or I just liked walking around with him :o) )

After a couple hours at the patch, I helped my sister do some organizing at her house, mostly in my nephews room. She and I somehow struggle with that (maybe she even more than me, if you can imagine that!). Both of us need to take small steps and set little goals for ourselves because we get to the point where it is just "too much" and so we just do nothing... I will admit that for me it is much easier to do that kind of things when I have help. So, I helped her for a couple hours actually :o) Then, I did a little bit of "organizing" at my house as well. I put some items into bags for the goodwill. I sorted through a couple piles of paper, and am in the process of uploading some pictures to the "family online album", which I have never done. They are "unedited", but people can do what they want with them.

Tomorrow I have a meeting at work, and then am meeting a woman I met at a Bible Study for coffee in the afternoon. Then, I need to do more cleaning/organizing...a little bit each day in order to make this place look presentable for my "house guest" (and for myself since it would be nice to be able to have people over occasionally AND nice to be able to use my "scrapbooking room" since right now you can't even WALK in there, let alone "scrapbook"!). I also need to go to the grocery store and run some errands. Busy day, so I'd better get some sleep!

Good night.

True Colors

For some reason this song popped into my head today. Well, the idea of this song popped into my head and a few of the lyrics...but, I didn't remember it being such a SAD song! Or, maybe I am wrong and it isn't a sad song and just SEEMS like a sad song right now...and really it is a HOPEFUL song?! Hmm, now that I am writing this, maybe it IS actually more hopeful than sad...but, was it "random" that it popped into my head, or not... I suppose I am really not so sure about "randomness"...

In another case of "unrandomness", I receive daily emails called "Minute Meditations" and sometimes I read them, other times I do not. I have posted one in my blog a couple times when I "happened" to read them at a perfect time. Today's was one of those that struck a chord with me--"Compassion is far removed from pity and sympathy. Compassion grows out of an awareness of our common humanity." It comes from a book called "When Did I See You Hungry?" by Gerard Thomas Straub.

Compassion--not pity, not sympathy, but "simply" being aware of other people--I know all about that; I do that a lot! However, I have never thought about it in those terms. In terms of the "who I am"...pretty darn sure compassion is in my blood. I listen. I am aware. I am an "information gatherer". I remember. I know how I like to be treated, and try to treat others the same way. I am a human--good days, bad days, happy days, sad days, nice days, crabby days...and other humans have those kinds of days too. We are all in this life together...sometimes we are there to lift other up, other times we are the ones who need the lifting.

Anyway...that's all the "deeper" I can go at this hour of the morning after working a 12-hour shift. It was pretty slow for me today (I got the "clearance kids" as one nurse likes to call the patients who are "left over" after the "choosing" is done...), but a little emotional too. I took care of a kid who will turn one in a couple of weeks and has NEVER been out of the hospital. I had another patient whose mother was in tears from exhaustion caring for two toddlers with the flu and a three-year-old and their "one month stay" here has turned into three so her husband is states away (my heart is still trying to figure out if there is anything I can "do" besides the multiple hugs I gave her...)

All that and I had a "mini-meltdown" last night at the pumpkin patch. I was scheduled to work until "close". It "closes" at 10 on the weekends. I worked at 7 this morning and live nearly 30 minutes away, so really wanted to get off at 10 or before. However, I was scheduled at the exit and was told by the "kid" who was working with me that there was no way I'd get off early, even though there were SIX of us working there. I requested to be one of the early ones let off, but was some how over looked and by the time I called to get my register closed at 10:40, I had gotten myself into a tizzy. I was anticipating how tired I was going to be today (got a second wind apparently seeing as it is already after 1:00!) and upset that I wasn't listened to. My less than $9/hr "fun" job is not supposed to be that stressful! I did have fun WHILE I was working and would have been perfectly okay with the shift had I been able to leave at a decent hour. That is a fun place to work since you can see people leaving, and get to weigh all the pumpkins and tell the kids (and adults) how big the pumpkins they picked are. It's a fun fall tradition...but, I don't work again for a couple weeks. If the weather is nice tomorrow, I'm going to go with my sister and her family.

Well, I suppose I should go to bed since if we go, we will go early. My house is super cold, but I'm not ready to turn the heat on yet...that's what blankets are for, right?! (Don't worry Ginger, when you come, I'll be sure to have the heat on for you!)
Good night.

Who I am

Today was looking to be a crazy busy day, but it didn't really end up like that. Because of that, I got up early and did my 30-day Shred video (even though I did it before I went to bed...ugh!)

I had a counseling appointment at 10:00. This was my fourth visit and she said she got this one and two more approved by my insurance so that is good. I was determined not to cry, since I hadn't really cried since my last visit with her. But, that did not happen (and she told me that I cry "beautifully"...whatever that means!) Obviously, the things she is saying are hitting closer to home than I like to think when I am not sitting there in her office. I am finding that I tend to ignore a lot of things until I cannot any longer and they come out in the form of tears.

Today we talked a bit about "who I am", which has sort of been a recurring theme. Who am I? Well, I am a lot of things, I guess. I do actually like who I am...or at least I think I do. That was one of her challenges to me--to get to know myself, give myself permission to BE who I am. My life needs to become a series of adventures rather than rows of gates (I kind of liked that analogy). Just because my life has not had/does not have the same challenges as those I know and meet does not mean I should beat myself up for being unhappy at times. I need to give myself permission to be happy, AND permission to be sad. I am my own "column". I do not fit into the columns or "statistics". I am an almost 30-year-old single daughter, aunt, sister, niece, granddaughter, friend, nurse... who is (um, crying) finding joy wherever I can. Even though being a mom, being a wife, are doors that remain open, I should not feel the need to defend my happiness for being "me" on my own path that is different than "the majority". And, even though the tears continue to fall, I honestly believe that I am "happy". Not a day goes by that I don't tell someone how much I love the work I am able to do, how grateful I am to feel like I am using the talents God gave me on a regular basis...

I also am honored to hear kind words spoken to me on a regular basis, compliments that sometimes roll off because I am just "doing what I do" with little regard to it being anything "special". But, the "compliments", the appreciation for my "uniqueness", need to come from within...and I am working on that...
_____________________________
I was going to meet a friend from lunch, but got a phone call from Ginger. I haven't talked to her in a LONG time! We had a really nice visit...AND, as the new countdown at the top of my blog shows, she is going to come SEE me! Oh. My. Goodness. I am SO excited! A couple months ago, we had planned to go to New York this weekend, but it just didn't end up working out (even though my trip to Canada was a "business trip", three vacations in a month would have been nuts!) So, we were all a little bummed. I was planning to come to her neck of the woods in the spring/summer, but that seemed like SO long (time flies and it will be here before we know it!) Then, an opportunity for her to head toward MY neck of the woods came about and it worked out (I still need to find people to work for me, but I'm good at making the tears come...although I doubt it will come to that!)

Then, I was supposed to work at the pumpkin patch from 4-10. It was even colder than yesterday and raining...yuck! Even though I was going to be inside a building tonight, I still wasn't overly excited to go. As it turned out, I got the night off since they didn't need as many workers. That was fine by me! I ended up "vegging out" the rest of the night. I didn't feel like going anywhere, so I didn't. I suppose if I was one who enjoyed the whole "dating thing", I would have called "J" and let him know I got an unexpected night off work and asked him to do something...but I didn't.

I think tomorrow is supposed to be nicer, so maybe I won't freeze at work. I may get to have lunch with my friend tomorrow (it was a bunch of people getting together today, so tomorrow I could get her one-on-one which is better anyway!)

Well, I best be going to bed...I have no idea why I stayed up this late...not like I was "doing" anything!
Good night.
--I noticed this was the "Quote of the Day" after I pressed "publish"--"Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend." ~Plautus --I like that...and am blessed with a number of those kinds of friends! :o)

What Happens in Canada...

Gets posted on my blog... This took WAY too long to do and I'm too tired to write much else. I had a kind of busy day with a work meeting this morning and working six hours at the pumpkin patch this afternoon/evening (in the freezing cold and rain!) I did get my work out done this evening and will have to do it again in the morning in order to get my work out in for the day. Enjoy the slide show! It was a good time :o)

Good night!

Wordless Wednesday

Okay...a few words...There is a picture of this?! And I am posting it on my blog?! OMG...

Back to Work

I LOVE the fall...LOVE LOVE LOVE the fall...if anyone knows of a place that feels like fall all the time, let me know and I may consider moving there! I don't like the heat of the summer, but I don't like the bitter cold and SNOW of the winter. But fall, well that kind of jeans and sweatshirt wearing weather is PERFECT in my mind. It also means pumpkin patch season around here. My sister and mom took my nephew to "the" patch here last Sunday and took some cute pictures. This wasn't the cutest one, but I didn't realize until I was already messing around with the editing (they did get some where it looked like he was smiling more). Yesterday, he and his cousin got their Halloween pictures taken that turned out really cute. My sister told me this evening that they want ME to take their Thanksgiving pictures (apparently there are turkey costumes...ha!) I do know that there are photographers who read my blog, so if you want to take a trip... :o) ...or maybe just pass on some words of wisdom (simple, though, I have never taken any sort of photography lesson or read any photography books!)

Tonight, we had him smiling, but I wasn't quick enough with my camera to capture any (I do think I got one on my phone that I posted on facebook). These babies do grow up fast, don't they?!

Well, tomorrow I go back to work for the first time since September 20. Ten days off...but it sure doesn't feel like it since I spent five of them with my manager and had to go there today to print stuff for my meeting on Thursday. However, it will be the first time since then that I had to wake up early, be on my feet all day long, and not get a nap! I even took a nap today and I didn't even stay up that late or get up that early!

This morning I went to Curves, and this afternoon I did my 30-day Shred DVD. I weighed myself at Curves and I didn't gain TOO much during my vacation. I am very interested to see if I will notice a difference when this 30 days is over, that's for sure!

At "family dinner", my family asked what I did today. Simple question, but difficult to answer...I guess the best answer is that I threw away quite a bit of papers that I didn't need, mailed the agenda for Thursday's meeting, and visited with some people at work and at the Ronald McDonald House. I did my two workouts and a guy came to finish my kitchen floor, except for the stuff he needed to finish it was never ordered. Not much to show for a day off, but definitely baby steps. After the visit I had yesterday, I am much closer to becoming a licensed foster parent...so I should probably have my house "ready" just in case. I have not figured out all the details of how that would work, but I don't want my house to be the reason I can't say "yes"!

Well, a 5:30 alarm seems extra early when you haven't heard it in 10 days. So, I'd better head to bed.

Good night...my house is nice and cool and I'm going to snuggle up in some warm blankets. Did I mention that I love the fall?! :o)

Re-fueled

I went to sleep shortly after posting last night, and didn't roll out of bed until nearly 1:00 this afternoon. I'm fairly certain I could have slept right on through until tomorrow, but I managed to pull myself out from under the covers and get a few things accomplished today...definitely not as much as I SHOULD have, but better than nothing. It has been a while since I was so happy to get a phone call at 5 AM, but I definitely (obviously!) needed some re-fueling in the sleep department!

I probably most got caught up with my TV watching and blog reading, but I did send some emails and threw away some of the papers in my piles. I have a LOOOOOONG way to go before my house is presentable, but like many aspects in my life, I am trying to focus on baby steps so as not to get overwhelmed! I did do my 30-day Shred DVD, so am back on the 30 days to 30 journey.

Even though my house is in no way shape or form appropriate for company, that didn't stop me from inviting in two people from the foster care agency I am using. It has been a while since I have heard from them, but that has been okay (although I've been thinking about that part of my life recently..."coincidence"?!...well, you know what I think about that!) She told me not to worry about doing those little bits of painting since it isn't a State regulation, it is more of their recommendation, but since the paint is in such obscure areas, it is okay for now. I did need to sign some papers and give her a diagram of my house. I gave them a tour (she was orienting a new person) and then they helped me measure each of my rooms which was REALLY nice! So, maybe I will actually have a foster parent license in the near future...and find if God has plans for me to use it sooner or later or not at all...

Tomorrow I am getting the rest of my kitchen floor installed. One of the pieces was defective and they ran out of "quarter round", so need to finish that. It won't be "the" floor guy, but I haven't heard from him since his last email asked how old I was, so maybe that was the end of that... I do know that I need to call "J" and maybe set up another day to "hang out". I also have to create an agenda and get ready for my meeting that is on Thursday. So, it will be a busy week and it is good that I got caught up on sleep!

When I was getting caught up on my blog reading today, I read that Poppy Joy's mom, Angie, has published a book called "Poppies in December". She wrote a little bit about it and has a link to the site in this post. I am really excited for her and am definitely going to get myself a copy. Poppy Joy, (and Angie, and the rest of her family) was such a blessing to me, and hers was one of the first blogs that I read. I re-read the post I wrote last December on her first birthday. One of the comments I received on that post said that "my heart was all over it"...after re-reading it tonight, I have to agree. I was "Remembering Poppy Joy" then, as I still do today...and it gives me goosebumps thinking about all that I have learned, all that I have been blessed with, all the wonderful people I have met that began right here in the world of blogging.

Well, I am behind on reading policies and procedures, and am not really tired since I slept so much today! However, I'm sure that once I start reading them, sleep will come rather easily!
Good night.

Disconnected

I went back and forth between calling this "disconnected" or "out of touch" or something else. Neither of those have very good connotations, but I did feel sort of "lost" without having easy access to all the technology to which I have become accustomed. I did do a little texting with my mom, but kept that to a minimum since I have no clue how much that will cost. I also called her 800 number at work twice to say hello. I think I got on facebook maybe three times. I believe I only wrote two blog posts, and know I must be very far behind on reading blogs. I had over 100 emails in my "spam" folder.




It was really weird being "disconnected", but maybe it isn't all bad to take a "break" every once in a while, but BOY did I miss talking to all the people with whom I use technology for communication. No twittering. No AIM. No facebook chatting. Hardly any emails. No comment leaving/time to read comments received. It is crazy what I have gotten used to!

And yet, it wasn't really that relaxing of a trip. I didn't read any books or magazines. I didn't sit by the pool or lay on the bed listening to my iPod. I didn't even do that much "visiting" aside from what we did at meals and while drinking.

Now I am home, and there are some things I wish I had done differently. I don't want to say "regret" because I did have a fun time, but still... There were 11 of us who went to Montreal from my hospital. Only two of us work in Pediatrics. I attended the most workshops of anyone, but that means that I didn't do ANY site seeing (or shopping). I really had a tough time with that. My manager wasn't forcing me to go to the sessions, but there were ones that sounded interesting for me. I thought that maybe I would be able to hook up with the others for a look around town after that, but they were all tired of walking by that time.

I also forgot to bring the battery charger for my camera. So, since I thought that I would be going to see cool things in the city last night, I didn't take NEARLY as many pictures as I normally would (I couldn't tell how long I had with my battery!) I used my cell phone to take pictures at the hockey game, so hopefully those turn out. Yes, I DID get to attend an NHL pre-season game between the Boston Bruins and Montreal Canadiens which was a "once-in-a-lifetime" experience...so, no "regrets", just "different" than I could have/should have done things.

I suppose since I attended sessions separately from the others, I did get time to visit with other people. I talked to a nurse from Toronto for a while. I visited with some nurses from Saskatchewan and ended up winning the raffle prize they brought which was cool! I talked to a nurse from Italy about what they do when their transplant patients come to the hospital with a fever. I spoke with a nurse who works in Pittsburgh who said she would show me around when I come there to visit. I joined the pediatric transplant nurse group that has nurses from around the world (it was interesting to hear the differences between here and somewhere like the UK!) Everyone was nice, I do feel like I learned a lot. The food was "weird", but I didn't have any trouble eating it (thank goodness for not being a "picky" eater!)

I took a REALLY long nap when I got home because our days started really early (breakfast was served most days at 7:30 and it seemed like if you weren't there by 7:40 they started taking it away...annoying!), went all day with back-to-back speakers/work shops (even through lunch) until about 5:00. The evenings consisted anywhere from a "bit" to drink to QUITE a "bit" to drink. We went to a couple different Irish pubs, one of them we went to twice. I don't think I went to bed before 1:00 any of the nights.

I think I will make a slide show or something of the few pictures I did take. However, this is one of the funny ones from last night. He was there for his Bachelor party...later I was thinking it would have been funny if I would have kissed him or something, but I didn't even think about it (and now there are no pictures floating around of me doing that!) I don't remember what I was saying here (but, maybe something about the fact that HE should be sitting on MY lap...which he did after we took our "shot"...)

I think I did okay with the "she's still my boss" part of this trip. She got more drunk and crazy than I did, and I did not take (m)any pictures of that. Last night, I did have quite a bit to drink and probably said more about my family/work than I wanted, but I suppose it is more than possible that she will not recall any details of what I shared. The night before that, we got "The Hangover" on pay per view. I was wondering if that was going to be one of those movies you wouldn't want to watch with your parents, or with your boss, but it wasn't that bad (plus she kept falling asleep and so did I).

Unfortunately, I am on the schedule to work tomorrow. I'm hoping they will call to see if I want to stay home, but I have no idea what the chances of that are. I thought that I was close to the top of the list, but last Tuesday my boss crossed me off the schedule. I am not sure if that day counted as my "date" or not...hoping not! Someone is coming on Tuesday to finish off the floor in my kitchen (they needed to order more). Then, I work Wednesday at the hospital and Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at the Pumpkin Patch (and then Sunday at the hospital!) So, it would be GREAT to have tomorrow off to get things put away from my trip...but, I suppose if that doesn't happen, I will be really busy when I get off work.

I missed five days of my 30 days to 30 workouts while I was on vacation. But, Kristy started a workout group on facebook and will start the 30-day Shred DVD tomorrow, so I suppose it is not such a bad thing to start with her and her group.

Well, I'd better go to bed...it is great to be "connected" again!
Good night...sleeping in my own bed is nice too (although hotel beds are pretty darn comfy!)

She's a Big Girl

So, I probably should have saved my "venting" about last night for here, but I did some today as well. I went to bed shortly after posting last night, around 1:15. I quickly fell asleep after the traveling and amount of alcohol consumption. I woke up when my "roommate" returned to the room at 2:15. She ordered a pizza and then fell fast asleep. The pizza arrived at 3:00 and the pounding on the door didn't wake her up, nor did my request for her to get her money. So, I paid the pizza guy, made another attempt to wake her up, left the pizza on the bedside table and went back to sleep. Somehow I woke up at 6:15 which was great since breakfast started at 7:30 (and she wanted to get up at 6:30). I made several attempts to wake her up, but then decided she was a big girl and could get up when/if she wanted. She made it to the conference in time for the 10:00 speaker and basically said that was her plan...oh well. I spent a lot of the day away from her which wasn't completely intentional, but probably a good idea seeing as she is still my boss (see yesterday's post :o) )

Somehow I went all day on that little sleep and no nap. It was a good day, and I do think I got some new and good information.

Tonight, I went to my first NHL game, only my second ever hockey game. I went with one of the other nurses who loves hockey. We saw Boston play the Montreal team and it went into a shoot-out so that was extra exciting!! Pictures to come...too bad I forgot to bring my camera charger and I have no idea how many more pictures I can take before it dies :o(

Not sure how I got a "second wind", but it is nearly 1:00 and tomorrow is another full day of workshops/speakers. So, I should get some sleep. Another day of missing my 30-day Shred...we did walk to the hockey arena though!

Good night from Canada...hope my roommate doesn't snore...I didn't notice last night!

Still My Boss

In the days leading up to this trip to Canada with my manager, I have been telling myself that I MUST remember that she is still my boss. No matter what happens, that fact will remain. I reminded myself that she does not need to know everything. She doesn't need to know all that is going on in the unit. She doesn't need to know all that is going on in my life. She is an awesome manager and a terrific person, however, she is still my boss. Fortunately for me, the "whatever happens in Montreal stays in Montreal" is more of an issue for her than me because she is "the boss" (and also drinks to the point of getting drunk WAY more often than I do!)

She is terribly afraid to fly, so it was the quietest I have EVER seen her. I did talk to her some on the plane about work, and about how my counseling was going. I think that I did enough talking about that, but may still need to remind myself in the coming days that she is my manager, and really, doesn't need to know much more.

We had our share of entertainment as both of us experienced our first "international travel". She was going to have me take a picture of all this crazy long line that looked like herds of cattle...too bad I didn't because that was the customs line and shortly there after we found ourselves in that line.

We got a taxi to come to the hotel and got here around 4:30 local time (she picked me up at 7:30 my time). We got "freshened up", checked into the conference and met up with the rest of the group from my hospital. I think there may be 12 of us here from there. I had two glasses of wine at the welcome reception and the room was spinning since it has been a (little) while since I drank, and had been a while since we ate.

So, off we went for dinner because I couldn't handle the room spinning...well, it wasn't so much about me, but I definitely needed food. We went to a really cool Irish Pub with a cute waiter named Christian (and another cute waiter named Kevin). I had a cider (not exactly Woodchuck, but it was good) and then Christian picked out some kind of shot that had maple whiskey. Boy was that tasty! By this point, I was still "feeling it" but no where near the way some of the rest of the group was! Christian gave me a nice little kiss on the cheek before we left (aww...ha ha!) and I did get pictures from the night that apparently I will have to post later since that doesn't seem to want to work right now!

We went to another bar after that and talked to MORE cute guys (what is this with finding cute single boys when I'm drunk and having issues with hanging out with single boys when I'm NOT drunk?! Maybe the company and the fact that everyone else I was with is married, but still having fun with the cute boys in the bar willing to buy us shots). I mostly talked to this guy John (with some of the other girls...not one-on-one...that isn't easy for me even when drunk!) This guy Paul bought a couple rounds of shots and I think the one I had was called a Polar Bear or something and it was minty and I had two. I took a really cool self-portrait of myself taking a shot that is rather impressive if I do say so myself.

It is just after 1:00 local time and I am wishing I had ibuprofen or something because the opening ceremonies are at 8 with breakfast prior to that. I did take a shower tonight so it wouldn't take as long to get ready. Needless to say, I did not do my 30-day Shred DVD, although I did bring it with me.

I left with a couple girls (love how I call these people girls when some how I am the youngest one!) WAY before the others, but am a little surprised my manager has not yet found her way back to the hotel room. I know that I need my sleep, and also know that I intend to get something out of this conference which will not be possible if I don't get that sleep (I tend to fall asleep VERY easily in lectures!)

So, no pictures tonight, but they will come. I am having a fun time, but am going to continue to remind myself that she is still my boss, no matter what.

I am excited about tomorrow...after I get some sleep! I may even go to a hockey game and think that would be AWESOME!

Good night from Canada...it is REALLY weird not having my phone and I TOTALLY wanted to text Ginger when the Pens game was on in the Pub, but couldn't (I also tried to get one of the glasses, but Christian gave away three of their glasses to our group and wasn't willing to give any more than that tonight)! I also thought it would be fun to send twitter pictures multiple times, but again not worth the extra $!

Figuring Me Out

I got too busy last night with the rest of my sister's birthday celebration, chatting with a friend, making my packing list, etc. to write about my third counseling session. She cracked me up when she said something like "I don't care if this is your last free session, I am NOT done with you!" I am not done with her either. I kind of wish I would have written down exactly the things she said, but they made a lot more sense when she was talking (which of course made me cry even more...today was much less of an emotional day...) She said that I am one of the most complicated cases she has ever worked with...no wonder I've been having issues and haven't been able to work through them on my own!

In "basic terms" (and this seems to be anything but a "basic" issue), I have a lot in my head and analyze things like crazy. I also have a lot of things in my heart, including different kinds of grief, some grief that I didn't know/don't know is there because much of the time, my head is separate from my heart (it definitely made more sense when I was there taking it all in). So, I need to change the brick wall into a curtain, get in touch with the part of my heart that's all about "me" and create some balance. This obviously isn't something that can be done overnight, as it has taken a long time to get to this point. Plus, she really has only met me three times, so there is always a possibility this is only a part of the process to "figuring me out" and make things better. It is really weird to hear someone tell you that you are really sad when I spend so much time and energy encouraging other people to be positive, to be happy. Apparently, inside I am a deeply saddened cheerleader who has somehow managed to see rainbows and daisies (and dandelions ;o) ) while carrying a dark cloud inside.

I am so very blessed, and so very thankful to be on the road to healing, and to much better times ahead.
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I am nearly done packing. My manager is picking me up a little after 7:00 and then we will be off to Canada. I'm bringing my netbook, so hopefully can pick up wireless here and there, and maybe even post some pictures. I am very excited about this trip. I am bringing some books with me as well, including the one the counselor recommended the first week and the Bloom Book Club book that I have yet to start.

One of "Those" Days

I should have been "well-rested" when I got up this morning since I went to bed at a fairly decent hour and didn't have to get up at an "un-decent" hour. However, right now I feel like I could go to bed and sleep through the night. I am feeling sort of nauseous, but have been "on the brink of tears" or crying ALL DAY LONG. One of "those" days I guess...

I didn't feel badly when I woke up, but by the time I was doing my hair after my shower, the tears began. My first inkling it may just be one of "those" days I guess. The song I used for this slide show came on my iPod and the tears filled my eyes. What the heck! Well, maybe I was feeling a little sentimental and missing my friends...maybe there is hope for a "normal" day...maybe.

I got tears in my eyes again at some song I can't even remember as I was driving to my appointment with the counselor. Seriously, now, what the heck is this all about!

Of course there were tears throughout my session...that will be a post for "later", but at least those tears seemed to have some sort of "purpose".

Today is my sister's birthday and I had lunch with her, my mom, two aunts, and a cousin. I felt kind of "eh" during lunch, but at least there were no tears.

After lunch, I went with my mom and sister for pedicures. They got theirs first while I did a little reading, and visited. I was sitting there in the chair and kept having to wipe away tears that came out of no where. Seriously, in the SALON...for real, what is the deal?!

I did enjoy my pedicure, that's for sure (it's always nice to get a pedicure from someone who speaks English every once in a while!) But, I still felt a bit nauseous and teared up AGAIN when I was saying good-bye to my mom (until dinner time...busy day!) I told her I didn't feel well, but also shared that I had started seeing a counselor (kind of slid that right in...)

I have some things to do before dinner including going to the bank, calling my credit card company to let them know I'll be using it out of the country, and doing some laundry (and maybe some packing)

I guess I'm writing this with the hopes that this crazy "random" falling of the tears stops, or at least takes a nice long break, during dinner with the family. Explaining these tears would not be an easy task, considering I am not exactly sure what the deal is.

One of "those" days...at least it is cloudy/rainy and chilly, so maybe it is "the weather"...

Alright...off to run some errands just in case I end up having to work tomorrow.