The "Perfect" Pose

Today was really busy and I STILL don't have any Christmas decorations out! My sister is cracking me up because each day as her fb status she is counting down the days to Christmas and she doesn't have any Christmas decorations out, and neither do our parents. So, three houses and zero trees...that's pretty sad!

This morning was the monthly meeting that I "lead". It was kind of stressful for some reason today. I hear that I do a good job (and I DO try very hard to do a good job!), but I'm not sure people realize how much it takes out of me to do it. Some meetings go better than others, but today I was definitely sweating. It was, however, nice to come home and not have "making the agenda" on my list of things to do. Being the chairperson has been a growing experience for me, but think I will enjoy handing over that job in April!

This afternoon, I had an eye doctor appointment. It was a quick check and then I was off to the cable company. They had offered me a promotion for digital cable a few months back. I pretty much watched NBC exclusively until Medium moved to CBS and now I've watched Three Rivers a couple times. Occasionally I will watch some sports on ESPN (or baseball on WGN or TNT), but that's about it. But, I was "sucked in" and went for it...and then kept it around much longer than I should have since I still rarely ventured off those channels even though I was paying for them. Apparently today was the day to go to the cable store because there were like fifteen (mostly sketchy looking) people there...good thing it was early afternoon! I also thought I was paying quite a bit more than I should be for the basic things so they helped me with that. I managed to knock about $40 off my bill which will definitely help! Yesterday I called the gas company because I am on a level payment plan and noticed a $300 credit on my last bill. I asked if I could get a check for a portion of that credit because that definitely would help too! I had to stop the level payment plan for 3 months, but it should be okay. I realize that my gas bill will be higher now that it is cold, but it will work out.

From there, I went to Kohl's to get a shirt to wear to the Christmas concert I was attending with my mom and two of my aunts. It was MUCH colder today (we even had some "flurries") and in the end I decided against wearing a skirt, but it was nice to have a "festive" shirt. Since no one in my family has our trees up, I was hoping there would be a tree there that I could use as a "back drop" for my Christmas picture. Last year, I made a collage and I liked that (since, even though I'm happy being single, I still think that it would look silly to have one or two pictures on one of those photo cards...the collage looked much better in my opinion!) I have ideas of other pictures to go in the collage, but needed a "Christmas" one to add.

Thankfully, my mom was up for the task of snapping my picture in front of this Christmas tree at the music hall. Now, I just have to decide which one...and then see if I have more luck with my photo editing skills than I did yesterday! After I saw the first picture (which, to me, looks like one of those poses that pregnant women do when they take pictures of their belly each month...yeah, not going to use that one!), I asked my mom to take pictures more of my face. And, I tried some "sillier" poses, but I never think I look good in those kinds of pictures...people say I "crack them up", but I think I just look stupid when I try to make goofy faces/do silly pictures...maybe I just haven't had the right photographer who can make me not look stupid when I'm trying to be silly ;o) Since I'm not sure WHEN I will have another opportunity to get my picture taken in front of a tree (when I actually did my hair and make-up and am wearing a "festive" shirt), I will need to use one of these pictures in my Christmas card picture collage...feel free to cast a "vote" if you want. I'm thinking this year I may write a Christmas letter too (since 2009 was filled with all sorts of fun and exciting things!)

I am meeting my grandma at 1000 to help her shop for my family, so I'd better head to bed. I'm making good progress on my Christmas gifts, and maybe tomorrow I will pull out some Christmas stuff...maybe!

Good night.

[edited to add...I attempted "Picnik" again and came up with this--not too bad I guess! Still keeping my "day job"...ha!]

I Jumped on the "Bangs"wagon

(and apparently testing my photo editing abilities...good thing I haven't "decided" that I want to be a photographer because that wouldn't be a very good career move...I will definitely stick with taking care of children...that I can do :o) The picture below is the one I posted to fb...omg!)

So, I was busy getting pooped on at work yesterday, so had to reschedule my "hair appointment" with my sister for today. (Oh yeah, forgot I didn't write about THAT experience...[be warned that this is really nasty] I was supposed to work for a co-worker from 3:30-7:30 so she could go to her son's championship basketball tournament game. She called me late morning to say she was "on-call" but would let me know if she got called in. When it was nearing 2:00, I said I may as well go in rather than her if a nurse was needed. By 3:00, I was making plans for dinner and hair do with my sister. I got a call at 3:45 that they needed me because two MORE kids were getting admitted. Since I hadn't eaten, I went through the BK drive-thru on my way. The charge nurse was my right hand woman and was helping settle my first admission when the second one came. His mom wasn't with him when he got there so of course he was crying when he saw the gowns and masks. So, doing as any pediatric nurse would do [right?!] I picked up the poor child. No sooner did I pick him up than the couch, which was 2 feet away from me mind you, was covered with some sort of liquid and I was also standing in a pile of it with some dripping down my [gown covered] arms and also down my legs and backside that apparently were not as well protected from the gown. The child was screaming and crying and I was trying not to wet my pants because I didn't know what else to do besides laugh and try and figure out how I was going to get some help. I set him down [in the puddle of poop actually...oops] and found a phone to call the front desk for some reinforcements. It was SO crazy and none of us really knew what to do first. But, we got him, and the floor all cleaned up and I was thankful to have a spare pair of pants and shirt in my locker because it was really only like 5:45 at this time and I had quite a bit of shift left...and wouldn't exactly be able to work with my entire pant leg covered in poop...it was bad enough that I would have to continue to wear the shoes, socks, and underwear! I actually didn't clock out until after 8:15, so I called that nurse on my way home [right before I picked up more fast food for dinner] to let her know that not only did I get called into work, but I literally was pooped on. She owes me big time!)

Okay, back to the "bangs"wagon. I needed to get my hair colored again and my sister had an "idea". I usually just let her do whatever because it always ends up looking nice. Well, she hadn't had time to buy more color, but enough to do what she wanted. I brought over Chinese, but they messed up the order so my brother-in-law left to get that fixed. She started doing some "slices" with bleach that would end up becoming the red color. Well, part way through, my nephew was screaming because it was time to eat and of course my brother-in-law was gone. She didn't want me to feed him while she was putting bleach in my hair and after a bit of crying, we decided to stop for a bit so she could start feeding him even though I had BLEACH in my hair, we couldn't let the poor baby starve! Thankfully, his dad came to the rescue shortly there after. Well, my sister started freaking out because the bleach was working REALLY well and she kinda got a little worried about hair falling out issues. So, it was more stressful than it was fun for her (and she had been excited about doing my hair!) She rushed to finish the bleach part and put in the other color as fast as she could (the darker brown part). It ended up working out, but then she was worried because there wasn't as much red as she thought...and then that worked out too (my hair is REALLY red...the pictures don't capture the full effect, even after my attempts to adjust the color). Then, she moved to the hair cut piece and decided to do a "razor cut" (whatever that means...that was the kind of cut she wanted the last time she went to get her hair done and didn't actually get it). I had mentioned wanting "swoop bangs" since people seem to be getting bangs these days (my sister said I have too small of a forehead for full bangs...good to know!). She wasn't so sure since I like pulling my hair back. But, the couple of people I mentioned the "bang" idea to thought that I should do it. And, so, my sister gave me bangs...the "swoop" kind...

That was only about five hours ago and they are already driving me crazy...I guess I will have to get used to having hair in my face or learn how to "cutely" pull them back. I do not have a talent for doing hair (even less than my talent for editing pictures!) So, maybe getting a new hair 'do wasn't the most brilliant idea I have ever had, but there is nothing I can do about it now besides learn to deal with it, and have fun with my new 'do...until it grows out :o)

Well, it's nearly 1:00 and the past two days I've slept until like 10 and I have a meeting at 9:30, so I have to get up a bit earlier than that tomorrow. So, good night!

Paperwhites and Poppy Joy

Remember this picture? That is one of the two paperwhite bulbs I kept from the annual Perinatal and Pediatric Memorial Service which was held the second Sunday in October. The third one I gave to Angie Smith :o) (Um, yeah that meeting is "Still Surreal", so that was a good title for that post!) Well, I am going to have to shoot her an email to see if she "planted" hers because those things are AMAZING! I didn't "plant" mine until November 11, right before my party. I bought a couple vases on sale, some marbles, and some ribbon, and made one a "fall" theme and the other a "Christmas" theme. Never did I imagine that less than three weeks later, they would look like this:

I may have messed around with colors and angles a little too much, but those things are HUGE! All I did is fill the bottom of the vase with water and this is what happened! Seriously, the easiest plant to grow...ever! I would definitely recommend this type of activity to anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, which is what we did at the memorial service. These things can even grow in the winter! And, I'm not at all "crafty" and I am sure the "crafty" folks could make a beautiful vase where these flowers could grow! But, this was even easy enough for me to do! I'll have to post more pictures when they bloom. :o)

I am setting this post to publish on December 1, 2009 at 10:26, exactly two years after Poppy Joy Luce was born, exactly one year after I wrote this post in a tribute to her life. I re-read that post, one that definitely was written from the heart, and the words still ring true today. I still believe that "meeting" that tiny baby sent a ripple effect that brought people into my life who have impacted me more than I can even begin to explain...and never could have imagined. While the whole post was worth a re-read, I had no idea how many more "Blessings upon blessings...Friendships, unexpected, maybe even unlikely..." would blossom in the year to come (in fact, I'd venture to say that nearly all of the people who read my blog these days were not readers of my blog one year ago...and I love my "blog friends"!).

Last year, on Poppy's first birthday, Angie wrote this post. On that day, they finalized the adoption of Adrienne, Poppy's little sister. I just finished Angie's book, even though I have had it for a while (but finishing it on the eve of Poppy's Joy's second birthday is perfect timing, if you ask me!). It came in handy when I was at my Thanksgiving retreat because I "happened" to be at the point in the book when they were preparing for Thanksgiving 2007, and Poppy's upcoming birth (this is the post she referenced in that chapter). What a wonderful perspective, and it was nice to have something to share with the group at the retreat :o)

I may not have as many words as I did last year, but Poppy Joy continues to have a very special place in my heart. I will close the same way I did last year:
So, today, I am remembering Poppy Joy, thanking God for her life, and all the blessings that have happened because she lived. Prayers to her family, as they surely are missing her even more today.

Christmas Carol Central

I'm typically one of those people that likes to wait until after Thanksgiving to pull out the Christmas music. Of course, there have been exceptions to that "rule", but this year was not one of them. I think it's crazy to start ANYTHING Christmas related until after Thanksgiving, but then again, it is not a secret that I am a procrastinator.

I did make a Christmas play list last year (I wrote about it here because I tried to convince a couple other "bloggers" to make one I could listen to, but discovered that if I wanted to listen to Christmas music on a blog, it would have to be on mine...). I added some songs to it this year to change it up a bit. If I remember correctly, some of the songs weren't really what the play list said, or sung by the artist that is shown or cut off early...but it still works :o) I take requests, so if your favorite song/artist isn't on there, let me know and I can see if I can add it.

Maybe tomorrow I will start decorating. Since my house is starting to feel like a "home", I definitely should spend a little time to decorate it for Christmas. I thought about offering my house for a work Christmas party but found out another nurse already did. Maybe I'll have to have some other kind of gathering here.

Yesterday, I didn't go out early morning shopping, but did go to a couple stores with my sister. Being the procrastinator that I am, I hadn't done much planning in regards to what I wanted to buy for people, so it was a bit too overwhelming to have to think about that (and the early morning crazy shopping isn't exactly for people who have no clue what they want to buy!) Ever since I started working on my floor, my immediate family has "adopted" one of the transplant families. A couple of the years, it was "informal" because the families were ones with whom I had formed a bond. Two of my mom's sisters and their families along with my grandparents joined the mix and through the years. Then, this year, one of her sisters emailed the WHOLE family to see who was interested. The plan was for everyone to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving for this family as OUR family "activity". Everyone was on board, so I picked a family of five who are really sweet and deserving (and will appreciate the effort). I didn't end up going shopping with them, but they did a GREAT job! It is such a blessing to be a member of a family who wanted to, and was able to, do something like this for a family. I think it was nice for them to know that the stuff they purchased was going to an "actual family" rather than giving money to charity or picking a name off the tree, both of which are great, but there was more opportunity for the "personal touch" since they are people I know. So special!

One of my cousins recently started dating a guy, so thirty some people at Thanksgiving dinner would not have been a very kind introduction to the family. However, she wanted to give some of the out-of-town relatives an opportunity to meet him. So, two of my aunts, two of my cousins, their significant others, and I met up with my cousin and her "beau" at the bar for a couple drinks. It is fun drinking with cousins you used to play Barbies with :o)

I worked today and it was pretty tough getting up after going to bed at midnight. I actually didn't feel that great when I first got up and did end up taking one of my zofrans because I didn't want anyone to think it was necessary to send me back to the ER! I ended up feeling better quickly and had a good day. I worked with a fun nurse and it was just the two of us on our "side" for most of the day except when the charge nurse came to help. She and I get along really well and worked great as a team (working with just one other person could make for a very LONG or stressful, or really not fun day, depending on the other person!)

Well, it's nearly 1:30 and even though I don't need to be to church until 10, I still should sleep. Enjoy the Christmas music :o)
Good night.

Full of Thanks

I was in bed for a little over 12 hours last night. For most of the time I was sleeping. I kind of feel like I could have slept even longer, but figured it was best to get up and see what today would bring (and deal with whatever that was). I slept fine and didn't wake up with any sort of pains during the night or in the morning. "Dinner" was set for one and I had originally planned to get there at noon. When it was nearly 11 by the time I was fully awake and near ready to get in the shower, I didn't think that was going to be possible...but I WOULD get there before one!

I decided to go ahead and take a Zofran before attempting to eat anything. And, I thought I should eat something at home before I went straight to Thanksgiving dinner after eating hardly anything in over 24 hours. I had a bowl of cereal before getting into the shower. By the time I was blowing my hair dry, the stomach cramping seemed to have returned, although not as "severe" as yesterday. However, they also didn't last long and I was fine by the time I got to my aunt and uncles a little before one.

What a crew we had gathered for Thanksgiving dinner. That in itself is something to be thankful for! Two grandparents. My parents, sister, and nephew (my brother-in-law had to work), four uncles, five aunts, fourteen cousins, and four cousin "significant others" makes 33 (someone counted 38, but I have counted a few times and only get 33...guess another aunt, three cousins, and a brother-in-law would have made 38...) Very fun! On my mom's side of the family, there were ten granddaughters before there was a grandson. So, us girls ruled the roost for a while and now range in age from 18-30. (Seven of the next eleven are boys ranging in age from 6-18...the oldest boy is just a couple weeks younger than the youngest of the first set of girls.) We still have a lot of fun when we get together and I am really thankful for that, especially now that I have come to realize that this is not "the norm".

I took it easy at lunch, just taking teeny tiny portions of everything to see how it went. I was fine, so tested the waters little by little and kept being fine, so ended up having a couple glasses of wine and some coffee and dessert. I never had any trouble and I am SO thankful that it was a one day deal (an expensive and not very fun one day deal, but one day only is good!)

After we ate, there was football watching and lots of conversation. Then, people found different activities to do in various "small" groups. I played some Apples to Apples and Phase 10 (I've never played that before!) others spent time flipping through the ads, playing pool or poker, or simply chit-chatting. It was just a wonderful day!

I have decided not to join the small group who is heading to Kohl's at 4 AM since that is only a little more than 3 hours from now and there isn't anything that I, or anyone on my Christmas list, needs at that hour. My sister wants to go shopping after 10 some time since that is when my nephew will go to be with his grandparents. That is much more reasonable, although may still not be that easy considering how late it is now and how long I slept last night!

My cousin who lives in New York and her boyfriend are staying with me tonight and tomorrow night. It is fun to have a place they can stay that I am now proud to call my own. After my kitchen/living room updates this fall, it really does feel more like home and I love it!

Not only am I thankful to have such a wonderful family, I am also full of thanks for all the wonderful friends I have been given. I can't imagine life without these very special people...for each one has played a role in who I am now, and I hope will be there wherever the road takes me from here.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Good night.

Trip to the ER

Yep, it's true. I went to the ER this afternoon. I didn't really want to go. I'm not looking forward to seeing how much my visit cost...

I suppose I should start at the beginning...because that's always a good place to start!

I received a phone call at 5:00 this morning to see if I wanted to stay home. I didn't think I had enough PTO, plus I have a student working with me and so I declined. And then I went back to sleep. I didn't get up until about 6:10 which is a bit late, but I couldn't get up any earlier. In that hour, I had a crazy dream (or, more than one...I can only remember one, but it was crazy!). It took place at work. One of the nurses (who just "happened" to work today) admitted a patient to the bath tub room per family request (I know, weird). Apparently, I got into the bathtub when there was water in it. Not exactly sure what happened from there except that I was wandering around the halls without any clothing from the waist up. Yeah, a couple times I put my hands over my breasts as if that would help, but seriously walking around my floor half-naked. Then, it was one of those dreams where you wake up from the dream, but not really wake up from the dream because you were dreaming within the dream. Bizarre.

Well, when I finally decided to roll out of bed, I did NOT feel well at all. But, I thought maybe I was headed toward the "heavy day" of my period this month and was just nauseous because of that. I had to REALLY hustle to get ready and left later than I have ever left for work but still made it there on time...feeling like crap, but there.

My student and I were assigned pretty "easy" patient who all had moms there with them (shocker for my floor, unfortunately). My student is great and she again took two patients and helped me with the third. I'm not exactly sure of the timing, but around 9:00 the nausea was pretty much gone but it was replaced by intermittent abdominal pain. The pain was kind of sharp, but not really like a knife sharp, but it came on abruptly and would pass pretty quickly when I took some deep breaths (or "blew it out") and stopped what I was doing. It happened randomly, but I did feel better when I sat down or just let it pass. I felt yucky, but still felt like I was able to take care of my patients as long as I took breaks. I know that I'm a "wuss" and that the pain I was feeling was nothing like postoperative or cancer pain or really any pain my patients experience. It hurt, I didn't feel well, but perspective wise, I was "okay".

Throughout the day, the charge nurse kept asking if I needed to leave. I didn't want to leave because really, I was pretty "okay" as long as I could take little breathers for the pain to pass. I ate a couple crackers and an apple and drank some Sprite at lunch and tried to make sure I was drinking water. I was willing to "tough it out" knowing that 7:30 would eventually come and I'd be able to come home to my couch...I was going to be okay, I really was.

Then, my student thought my "cramps" were coming more frequently and worse. So, around 3:45, I made a call to the clinic where I have hardly gone since I am NEVER sick. They didn't have any openings and the nurse told me to page the resident who was going to be coming on at 5 to come see me (I did and he thought that was the stupidest idea because it wasn't like he could actually treat me on the floor while I was working!). By this point, one of the pediatric residents was on the floor and I told her what was going on even though I'm not a pediatric patient and she couldn't do anything. She was concerned that I was "guarding" and thought I needed to go to the ER. Then, an infectious disease doctor came on the unit and she completely freaked out that I had been having intermittent abdominal pain all day long. She pretty much demanded I call the charge nurse to come take my patients and let me go to the ER. I immediately started crying because my stomach did hurt pretty bad (to be honest, I was thinking gas pain, maybe some kind of constipation type issue, something that really wasn't a big deal, just annoying) but also because I have no idea how much an ER visit is and I have a pile of bills just waiting for me to pay when Friday rolls around and I get paid.

However, I was really left no choice because there wasn't any way they were going to let me continue working and since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I couldn't schedule an appointment to see someone in an office tomorrow.

So, down to the ER I went. They got me right in (maybe my scrubs helped!) and my initial blood pressure was 144/94...anxious much?! Of course they checked my urine (including a pregnancy screen which is a little annoying because HELLO I'm having my period and well...I know what kinds of things you'd have to do to become pregnant...) It was actually funny to put on a hospital gown after my dream from the morning because I really did take off my shirt (I obviously put on ANOTHER one and left my bra on, but it was still funny).

I got some blood taken and they gave me a drink that was mylanta mixed with viscous lidocaine which was supposed to numb the GI tract and decrease the pain. Of course, I was laying there with my eyes closed while I waited for the meds and the pain pretty much disappeared and I was SO annoyed because I was paying for this visit and now it was gone. But, it came back when the nurse brought my "drink" and a little bit after I took my second trip to the bathroom. However, my labs were fine, I didn't have a fever, it didn't appear to be appendix related...plus, being still made things better. So, I was sent home with some zofran for nausea (even though my nausea was pretty much gone, I took some after I picked it up from the pharmacy) and the recommendation to watch my intake of fatty foods and not to eat too much tomorrow. The thought is that it could potentially be a gall bladder there. I'm still thinking it is more likely that it is "gas pains" or something like that, but I will do what I can with the fatty foods, but Thanksgiving will not be Thanksgiving without all the junk, so I'll have to "play it by ear".

The pain started up again as soon as I left the ER which was frustrating, but it is what it is. I've been sitting on the couch for about an hour and feel "okay". I drank some "vitamin water" and am thinking I may try to eat a little something before I go to bed. I don't have to be at my aunt and uncles until noon, so that will be nice. I was going to make some pumpkin bars or something, but that isn't going to happen tonight (my mom said my cousin was making some anyway). I have ingredients for a couple dips, so maybe I can bring those.

Not QUITE as exciting as my only other trip to the ER which was in 1999 in New York City when I fell trying to run up the down escalator at the Warner Brothers store. Even though that obviously was my fault, they paid for the ambulance ride, the stitches, and everything. You shouldn't try to go up down escalators...lesson learned.

Well, this isn't exactly the Thanksgiving post I was thinking I would write. But, I AM super thankful that my pain didn't require immediate surgery which left me in the hospital unable to eat ANYTHING on Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving...it's only 9:30, but I should head to bed.
Good night.

Gratefulness

"Gratitude is something of which none of us can give too much. For on the smiles, the thanks we give, our little gestures of appreciation, our neighbors build their philosophy of life." ~A.J. Cronin

"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." ~Johannes A. Gaertner

"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse." ~Henry Van Dyke

"Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts." ~Henri Frederic Amiel

These are just a few of the many quotes I gathered at my retreat last Thursday. I'm a big fan of quotes :o) It really was a "Blessed Day" and I'm glad I took some notes because apparently my memory isn't that great!

In the three years I have attended this "A Time to be Grateful", there have been three different facilitators. This year, it was two nurses who gave the same/similar presentation this spring to a group of nurses. I wasn't sure what to expect, so brought a bag filled with things to read/reflect on in case there was "down time". This was the structure last year and I really liked that. This year had more of a presentation/small group discussion/activity structure which worked too, but it was different.

We opened with an ice breaker activity where we had to find people to sign our "BINGO" sheet with things like "play the piano", "has a sister", "knows how to use an iPod". I will admit that I didn't really meet people during that activity, though, since we were just passing around papers. However, since everyone was old enough to be my mom or grandma, they looked to me for the iPod box :o)

After that, we met in the chapel for the opening prayer. I liked this excerpt from "The Cup of Our Life" by Joyce Rupp, O.S.M.--"Memory enables us to recall our blessings (our touches of God), to give thanks for them, and to grow because of them. Our ability to remember is a precious gift. It is in remembering our blessings that our hearts are filled with gratitude. Without memory we would be unable to savor the good things that have happened to us and for us. Without memory we would be unable to be healed from past painful situations." We all thought about a memory and each lit a candle on the altar. It was really nice.

Then, one of the facilitators did a little presentation about gratitude and gratefulness. She talked about how little acts of kindness can go a long way, we watched an "Appreciation" video which reminded us to "thank someone who has touched your life--TODAY". I found myself nodding my head a lot during this part because this is something that I have tried to do for a long time. I know how wonderful it feels when I am appreciated. I know how much of a difference a kind word or gesture can make, especially when I'm having a crappy day. I'm sure there is always room for improvement, but if I even THINK about saying thanks, I do it. I love writing thank-you notes. I enjoy making people feel special.

We met in small groups of four and discussed the question "What is the smallest gift you've ever been given for which you are grateful?" It was hard for me to come up with one thing because my life is FILLED with little moments that I choose to be grateful for (okay this sounds too good to be true, but seriously, I try very hard to be the "shining light"...oh my, that is so cheesy...and I hope it's true!) Later, our small group discussed the question "What have you been given in your life that appeared to be a tragedy but became a blessing?" I had quite a few examples of that too, mostly because of what I do for a living and because of the people God has chosen to place in my path who have an amazing ability to see the beauty in the little things that has rubbed off on me :o) (Um, yeah so I seriously did want to throw my work phone and am not sure how many times I said "For the love of Pete" out of frustration with the craziness of the day today, so maybe I'm not so good at finding blessings in the little things...ha!)

We had lunch together and then had about an hour to do what we wanted. It ended up being an nice November day. I wanted to walk down to the water or into the woods, but couldn't do that AND walk the labyrinth. Since I did the labyrinth the past two years and really enjoyed that reflection time, I decided that I would be disappointed later if I didn't take this opportunity. I had never heard of this type of Labyrinth prior to two years ago, but would recommend to anyone to take the opportunity to walk one if it is available. Three years, three themes (I did write about my "labyrinth experience" the other two times). Two years ago I really needed to slow down. Last year, I learned that you need to put one foot in front of the other, live in the moment because looking too far ahead or back doesn't help...

This year, it was really quiet. There weren't really any leaves left on the trees and there was hardly a breeze to rustle any that were left. Every once in a while, I could hear a chirping bird, but mostly it was quiet. Only one other person was walking the labyrinth and she started a little while before I did. At one point, we were walking next to each other in stride, but not really, because she was on an entirely different part of the path. There was a pile of leaves in a portion of the path and I had to stop and look closely to make sure I continued on the correct path.

As I walked, I contemplated my life as it is. I am content. I feel fulfilled. I have my own mission, my own ministry, my own path, and I am grateful for that. I love what I do--not just in my job, but in my life. Even though some day it would be great to be a mom, (and a wife), right now, this life I am living is SO blessed and wonderful that I think a part of me doesn't want this ever to change...

I sat on the bench in the middle of the labyrinth for a little while. I ended up walking out pretty quickly since it was time for the next session (and I had to go to the bathroom!). However, I did have to wipe some tears from my eyes as I thought about this day. Here I was with a dozen other women who kept calling me the "young one". Sure, I reminded them that I AM 30 and not 15, but really, being the "young one" was SO refreshing. I wasn't the old single one without kids. In fact, not once did any of those women mention anything of the sort. It was so great to be myself, be who I am, share my stories like that. It was kind of weird that a number of them "thanked" me for being there and for sharing, but even that was really nice too. It was heartwarming that these women saw me simply as someone who is enjoying life, making a difference in this life, the most of what I have been given, and not at all "missing out" because of the choices I have made...I am so grateful for this. It may sound simple, but even my sister's well meaning text message on Wednesday letting me know that eharmony was having a free weekend was hard to deal with...

(The swing where I sat with my notebook thinking about what

I learned from the labyrinth this year.)


(A cool statue)

I dropped off jewelry from my party before choir practice that night. Two of the girls I baby-sat came to my party, but their mom could not. When I dropped off the jewelry, she invited me in for a glass of wine. She and I had a very nice visit, including discussing some of the things I thought about during my "alone time". It was so special to sit there with someone I have known for a LONG time, but not necessarily in that capacity. I started baby-sitting her kids when I was eleven, but before that, I used to walk by their house just to see if the kids were outside so I could play with them :o) There is history there, but I'm not sure we have ever had a one-on-one like that and that was a beautiful blessing to end the "Day to be Grateful".

(I almost forgot, we made "gratitude books" filled with quotes...it was a nice "craft" that was pretty much done for us, we just had to pick quotes, glue them to the pages, and add stickers if we wanted...my kind of activity!)

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?" ~Jack Kornfield

"Express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you truly appreciate life and you'll find that you have more of it." ~Ralph Marston

"The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. She who has learned this knows what it means to live. She has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything." ~Albert Schweitzer

Thank someone who has touched your life...today.
Thank you and good night.

LOVE Him

I can't believe he will be five months old this Wednesday! He is getting so big! I was going to write about my retreat, but decided these pictures I took today would be a good since they were ready to post and my reflection on the retreat will take a little longer. (By the way, yes I am wearing my "Team Isaac and Asher" shirt that was designed by Ginger...it was the closest thing I had to cheer on the Steelers, plus the 22nd is special since both Asher and I were born on the 22nd.) Enjoy :o)

Back to work tomorrow.
Good night.

Dozing Off

I cannot BELIEVE how tired I have been the past couple nights! It is nearly midnight and I cannot keep my eyes open to type about the retreat, even though I REALLY want to get it all written down before I forget anything! I did spend a little bit of time on Picnik.com messing around with the pictures I took, so that was fun, but I was dozing off in between the button pressing so decided enough was enough. As I posted yesterday, everyone really liked this angel statue. I forgot to upload this one last night, but thought I should share the whole thing. It really was neat, and that was the centerpiece of our "discussion area" and there were posters with gratitude-related quotes around it.

It was really busy at work today. And, I started to feel myself getting pretty crabby and not really wanting to listen to my student's questions. This was only her second week, so I felt bad about that and hopefully my non-verbals did not scream that I was done feeling like teaching for the day. I love to teach, but I have a hard enough time when it is "crisis mode" and I'm alone, so trying to talk while it is happening was not working well for me today. I was grateful for all of her help because it would have been much harder to manage without being able to delegate tasks to her. However, a couple times I just wanted to "shush" her so I could hear myself think (That was a suggestion given to me at last year's performance evaluation--when it gets crazy, I need to do a mental list [or a written one] so it doesn't get overwhelming for me. A couple times, there was too much "noise" for me to create a list which just caused extra stress for me...)

I have many reasons to be thankful that I have the next two days off work!

I didn't get my second coat of paint on today, so will have to do that in the morning. I asked my aunt to come help me after my sister's jewelry party, but I'm thinking she was willing to help with touch-ups and questions and didn't expect to be participating in painting the second coat...

Well, I do keep dozing off in the middle of thoughts, so better sleep!
Good night!

Blessed Day

I wanted to write about today while all the details were fresh in my mind, but I'm just too tired to do that. I stayed up WAY too late for some reason after drinking a huge glass of wine ("had" to finish the bottle...) Then, it was really tough getting up this morning. The retreat was to start at 8:30 and I figured it would take me maybe 30-35 minutes to get there so I wanted to leave at 7:45ish. Well, I don't think I rolled out of bed until 7:30 and was pulling out of the drive through of the coffee shop near my house at 8. I was kind of freaking out about being late and annoyed with myself because there is no reason to be late when I only am responsible for myself to be ready to go. I wasn't that far from home when I noticed that the car in front of me had an organ donation awareness sticker. I thought that was neat, but didn't make it around to see who was in the car...and I followed that car the rest of the way to the retreat that is pretty much in the middle of no where that only 12 people attended...I followed that car for at least 10, if not 15 miles...SO weird!

It was the third different set of presenters for this "A Time to Be Grateful" retreat, so I was looking forward to their perspective. As it turned out, both of them are nurses, they gave this presentation to nurses earlier this spring, and I have hung out with the daughter of one of the presenters a couple times since she worked a temp job at my mom's company. Another woman lives up the street from my parents. One of the women goes to my church and was at the retreat two years ago. One of them has a daughter who used to work on my floor at the hospital. I recognized one of the women from last year.

There were many comments on the angel, so I had to take a picture. I thought I took one of her face too, but didn't see it when I was quickly scrolling through. When I do my "real post" about the retreat, I will include pictures (I'm not a "photographer", but I do enjoy taking pictures! :o) )

I already knew that I have a lot to be grateful for, but today was filled with blessings and more reasons to be grateful. Back to work tomorrow (and hopefully getting the second coat of paint in my living room finished!)
Good night.

Life Changes, Gratitude Does Not

In the morning, I will head 22 miles west to a retreat center for the third November in a row. A lot has changed the past two years. I linked to my post from that first retreat a couple days ago in this post. I don't recall everything that was going on in my life at that time, but from the tone of my post, it was kind of a sad time, or at least a time of transition. That day gave me an opportunity to release pent-up emotions that I obviously needed. Last year, I was in a different place emotionally, but still got emotional thinking about all the things I was grateful for. I was given some wonderful personal prayer times away from the distractions at home and work. I am looking forward to finding out what God has in store for me at this retreat. I'm thinking I should leave my cell phone in my car because I have grown quite attached to my phone and checking email, facebook, twitter, and sending texts and updating statuses that it might just be too tempting if it is close. It ONLY goes from 8:30-3, so any "emergencies" should be able to wait, right?!

"Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way."~Native American prayer
________________________
This morning, I randomly found myself feeling sad that I didn't have Ginger take any pictures with me in them--not alone, not with my sister, not with my sister, none. I don't know why that thought never crossed my mind in the four days she was here, but it didn't. It is what it is, though, and I DO have four "snap shots", and many memories that film couldn't have captured anyway...and for that, I am grateful.

I took care of a really sick baby with a respiratory infection yesterday. Today, that baby was doing MUCH better. I confronted a med student about "meddling" in the care I was trying to give my patient. I am grateful that I have become confident enough in my nursing and skills to be able to "confront" someone like that instead of letting it fester. (I am also grateful to take care of a kid who may never have to come to the hospital again and won't remember this visit.)

I got a box with all the jewelry that was ordered from my party. I can't believe I haven't sorted through it all yet to find my new jewelry! I am grateful that so many of my friends/family were able to come and that I was able to get some gifts for free :o)

The 9-month-old daughter of my sister's best friend from high school had her third heart surgery today. She just posted on her fb page that the surgery went great. I am grateful.

A good friend at work lost her father-in-law today after only being in hospice about a week. I am grateful to be in a position to say if that if she needs ANYTHING, to let me know, and mean it. I am grateful that all four of my grandparents are still living and are very important people in my life.

I have a warm bed waiting for me on this cool November night. I am grateful for that, and should head there shortly!
Good night.

Thoughtfulness

I don't have too much to write about tonight. It was a really busy day at work and I was thankful to have a nursing student to help me take care of my patients. One of my three patients was really sick and I was worried about her all day long and it was great to be able to "delegate" other things to someone I trusted to do them well/correctly. It was only her fourth day with me, but she is doing very well :o)

I got this quote in my "inbox" today--
"If there were one word that could act as a standard of conduct for one's entire life, perhaps it would be 'thoughtfulness.'"
~Confucius--Chinese Philosopher and Teacher

I liked this especially because, more than a couple of times, I have been told that I am "the most thoughtful person"...guess I'm simply doing what "Confucius Says". ;o)

I agree that thoughtfulness makes a huge difference in good times and in hard times. I love sending cards, especially Hallmark ones (If I was more creative, I totally would want to work at Hallmark because they are the best! They have cards for EVERYTHING!) At a risk of sounding conceited, I also would have to agree that thoughtfulness is a gift that I have been able to use well. I pay attention, and usually am pretty good at remembering important incidents/dates (I will admit to be slacking a bit in that department recently...not really in the "remembering", but in doing something to let others know that I am remembering.)

There probably is a whole long post I could write about thoughtfulness, and maybe I should have just left it at the quote without any discussion. But, it is what it is...
Good night!

Painting Again

If I wasn't so tired, maybe I could come up with some kind of inspirational post about fresh coats of paint or something, but I'm not going to even try to "go there" tonight...ha!

When I purchased the paint for my kitchen, I also bought paint for the living room. My cousin was with me and helped me decide on a greenish color called "Kiwi Kissed" (if you recall, my softball team is the "Kiwis" and, even though we are the "bird" NOT the "fruit", it still works!) I was all painted out after the three coats it took to do my kitchen in late September. Then, I got my floors, went to Montral and then to Vegas and then Ginger came to visit...but, if I waited any longer it would be Thanksgiving and then Christmas and into the New Year...so, I decided this was the week it needed to get done.

Now I remember how much work it is to paint! It took me a solid two hours to get the room ready before I could even begin to open the can of paint! Maybe I'm just slow, but I had to move all the furniture (most of it to the middle of the room, but some of it to other rooms). Then, I had to tape the ceiling and around the baseboards. As I went along taping, I used a wet washcloth to wash the walls and baseboards and wipe away the cob webs. Since I am very much "vertically challenged", this all required lots of ups and downs of the ladder. I was tired even before I started painting!

But, the "cutting" went pretty well and the rolling was even easier, especially when I saw how pretty the color looked on the walls. Of course, it doesn't look so good with the couches I have, but maybe I can get some sheets or something to cover them until I get different couches :o) I really wish I could afford to rip up the carpet and fix up whatever kind of floors are under it because the kitchen floors look SO great, but that's a can of worms I definitely shouldn't open right now!

I bought a couple things for the wall from my uppercase living party, and have some frames for pictures. I also may be ready to have my aunt be done storing "my" piano since there will be a spot for it in my "new" living room. So, I have lots of exciting ideas for this space :o) It is really fun that my house is starting to be my home (after nearly three years of "owning" it and over six years of living here, it's about time!) Everyone who has seen the kitchen has complimented me on it which just feels great. Hopefully there will be more of the same when I get my living room looking nice. Then, maybe my "playroom" and my "guest room" won't be my favorite places in the house...yeah, the places I never go are my "favorites"...ha!

Back to work for the next two days. A student nurse started working with me last week who will be graduating in December. Apparently it is REALLY hard to find nursing jobs right now, so I am grateful that I am not in the market for a new job! She is really nice and asks really good questions...she even questioned something I was going to do out of "habit" that made me go "hmm", maybe I SHOULDN'T do that, good idea! I usually enjoy having students with me because it helps me remember why I love what I do and can share my excitement with them. I like teaching them and sharing what I have learned during the past 7 1/2 years, especially those things that you do not learn in school.

I'm not sure if I'll put the second coat on tomorrow after work or wait until Wednesday after work (leaning toward Wednesday at this point since I'm definitely feeling some soreness in my back already...plus tomorrow is Biggest Loser night!)

Good night.

Worth Repeating

I was talking to Kristy on facebook the other day and she shared that November 15, 2007 was the day they found out their fourth son's brain was not growing as it should (she wrote about the significance of that date, and today in this post). Out of curiosity, I flipped back in my blog to see what I was doing on that day two years ago. What I found was not at all what I expected...not sure what I expected, but definitely not that! Even though I knew nothing about them, nothing about what they would be facing, I'm thinking some of my prayers that day were meant for them. That day, two years ago, I attended a Thanksgiving retreat. I will be attending my "third annual" Thanksgiving retreat this coming Thursday and am really looking forward to that.

Re-reading that post last night was so interesting to me. Apparently I was having a tough time emotionally and that retreat was the getaway I needed. I still struggle with some of the things I wrote about then, but reading about where I was then and how much that experience taught me was a nice perspective.

Since that post was so interesting, I was curious about last year's November 15th post. Now, that one wasn't NEARLY as thought-provoking, not at ALL. (I'll link to it, but pretty much all I wrote about in that post was the fact that I couldn't stop eating all day...exciting post, I know!) However, when I was flipping through posts, I found that on November 13, 2008 (my 400th post!), Kristy changed her blog-header to show there was going to be another Baby Bolte :o)

I also found this post/story written around the same time that I thought was worth repeating. I would never call myself a "gifted writer", but every once in a while I come up with some things that make sense ;o) I liked the perspective I wrote about here (and still believe it to be true) so will post it in it's entirety.
Originally posted November 11, 2008

Bearing Crosses

Today, a friend shared a story she read recently that really spoke to her (she obviously was touched by it enough to share it with me!) She may end up sharing the story as well, but I think she would be okay if I do too.

Not sure if I will tell it as well as she did, but here it is:
There was a man who was carrying this HUGE cross. He did not think he could carry it any longer. So, he told God he just couldn't do it any more. God told the man he could go into a room full of crosses and pick a different one to carry. When the man entered the room, he saw TONS of crosses, REALLY big ones. Finally, way in the back he found a small cross. He told God that he wanted to choose that one. God told the man it was the same one he had left behind.

Wow!

She then told me how this story impacted her and really put things into perspective. For me, it put things into perspective, but in a different way.

My own cross is SO small. I don't know why God has blessed me like that, but it is true. In fact, on most days, I could probably carry my cross in one hand, sometimes maybe as easily as a potato chip between two fingers. Of course, it may have taken me a while to realize how blessed I am, but the whole time I was listening to the story, this is where my mind went. For "whatever reason" (I have an idea or two!), right now in my life, God has decided to give me a small cross. I know He can choose to change that at any moment, and I will learn to be okay with it if that happens (or at least find some way to deal with whatever comes my way! He has also decided to bless me with wonderful people in my life!)

Even though this story really put things into perspective for me in a concrete way today, I think deep down I already knew this. Because God has given me such a little cross, I have an amazing opportunity to help make the crosses of others feel a little lighter. I can BE a "stretcher bearer". I can "carry mats". I can catch people from falling, or pick them up if they do, putting my cross in my pocket if I need both hands... I can, because He has done this for me. He has blessed me, so that I may be able to bless others.

This is the most wonderful feeling and it just brings tears to my eyes. Some people say I have been given a "gift". If that is indeed the case, then "by golly" I'm going to use it! :o) What I do know is that I have been blessed beyond measure. Sometimes I don't even consider what I do as blessing people, because I really just do what comes natural, or "feels right". If, however, that feels like a blessing to them and I can pay forward some of what I have been blessed with, then that is "bonus".

In any case, gift or not, I am who I am because God made me this way, and has given me so many people to teach me how to love and care for others. He has given me people to remind me to find blessings in the little things, and perspective on how great my life truly is.

Prayers to all those people who are feeling their cross is too hard to bear, that they may be blessed with someone to help lighten the load. Prayers too that they know Jesus is always there.

Good night.

Just a year has passed since I first wrote that, but I have been given SO many blessings since then. I can't even count on one hand (maybe not even on two hands!) the number of VERY special people He has brought into my life since then! He has continued to give me the opportunity to bless others, and I am so very grateful to have that "gift". I love that I wrote "I am who I am" because that is one of the "themes" of my counseling sessions...being comfortable and happy with who I am enough not to feel the need to "defend" myself.

Well, I have tomorrow off and really need to do some work things...they won't take long at all if I stay focused! I also want to start painting my living room so it is done before my cousins come to stay with me next week. So, I should head to bed.
Good night (2009 version!)

Tiers/Tears

I went to see my counselor Wednesday. I hadn't been in a while since I went to Vegas and then was busy all last week. So, we had a lot to talk about. This counselor is such a blessing to me! I am really pretty comfortable talking to her, and she listens very well (guess she chose the right career...ha!). From the first moment I walked in there, she has been working to "figure me out". We are on this journey together, and I really feel like she thinks about me in between visits, and is determined to help me. My "situation" is not black and white. I am not dealing with an acute issue. There isn't "one thing" that brought me to her office. It is my whole life--the way things are and the way things have been. In one-hour increments, I have been sharing myself, who I am, what I do, and together we are learning. Of course, I cry every time, even when I go in thinking that I won't (this week was NOT one of those days...I'd been crying on and off since Saturday, so there was no chance that I was going to hold them in!)

Each time when she says something that seems to hit the mark, it brings me to tears, but also makes SO much more sense there than when I get home and try to repeat it. The same thing happened this week, but it has been a couple days, so maybe I have processed it better.

This week, since I was coming off a visit with Ginger, I talked a lot about that. I shared the story of "how we met" which started right here in "blogosphere". Reading one blog led to another, which led to another, which eventually led me to Kristy and then to Ginger (and either in between or since, this here blog has brought others of you who are reading right now!). How amazing is that?! It just blows me away (and, of course often brings tears to my eyes, but today I must have been too tired for teary-eyed moments, but this is the first time since SATURDAY that I haven't cried!)

Anyway, after I shared this story, she said something like "NOW I understand you even better!" My life here, the honesty, the openness, the support, the friendship, is on a different "tier" than say my family "tier", my work "tier", and all the other "tiers" that I have. And, really, besides the fact that Ginger came here and met some people in the other tiers, they are still pretty separate. My response was a teary well no WONDER I'm all messed up, I'm living multiple separate lives. Of course she didn't agree with that completely, but said that my tears (some of them anyway) probably DO come from the tiers.

[okay, so I thought I was making progress on explaining all of this tier/tear thing and seem to have hit a road block...]

Some of the sadness is because "folks" in the other tiers do not understand this tier at all. Lately, though, the tears I have, especially the ones in "therapy" are cleansing tears. They are not sobbing so hard I can't breathe tears. They are tears that fill my eyes until my eyes can no longer hold them and they roll gently down my cheeks and drip off my chin (well, unless I catch them!) I don't think it is news to anyone who knows me that I care about people...and I care about people A LOT! When people I know and love are hurting, I would have to fight pretty hard for it not to affect me too. And, considering I work with sick kids, I am constantly in contact with people who are hurting/sad. But, because of this, I am also able to find joy in the little things, appreciate the small stuff, see the blessing in (most) every person whose path crosses mine (or at least try and see the lesson they were put here to teach me!)

[So, this is a work in progress, but it totally made sense when she used this visual for me on Wednesday.] I guess the attendees of my party on Wednesday night illustrate my "tiers" better than anything else I have tried to say--my mom/sister/nephew, my aunt/three cousins, my grandma, two girls I baby-sat when they were LITTLE and are now a college graduate and a high school sophomore, a woman whose children I baby-sat (who had a daughter with Trisomy 18 that did not make it to birth when I was in junior high school...I have never forgotten), a woman who worked in media relations at my hospital who now works at a different hospital that I started talking to after I wrote her a thank you note for a great story she did, a girl who has been working on my floor for a year, one of my best friends from high school, and my friend from Curves. Some of them knew each other, most of them did not. As different as they are, no matter what "tier" they came from, they have ME in common, and they came to my party and had fun (my living room was FULL!)

Yesterday I had a lazy day, but also was pretty emotional concerned about one of my friends (she is fine, but it was one of those things that it took me a long time to figure out how to regroup/refocus...and then I had to go to a meeting and choir practice!) I stayed up until nearly 1:00 so I could catch advance "sneak peeks" of some pictures Ginger took last week. My 5:30 alarm came very early (plus, I got a 5AM call to see if I wanted to stay home which I reluctantly declined) but it was worth it. I wasn't TOO crabby today, but really should have gone to bed hours ago. Instead, I went to a party at the home of my "friend from Curves" (who told me I needed to start introducing her as my friend whose husband died...um, I don't think so!) and then HAD to check facebook and then I had to put up a blog post. Now it is nearing midnight and I work tomorrow...good thing I have a nursing student with me who will help me stay focused and be on my best behavior ;o)

No tears today, but tears ARE okay in my world :o)
Good night.

Third Time's a Charm?

“We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other. To meet, to love, to share. It is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. If we share with caring, lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance and joy for each other, and this moment will have been worthwhile." - Deepak Chopra
This quote came in my "inbox" today. I found it interesting, but even after reading it a number of times today, I am still wondering if I completely understand the message...but, worth sharing anyway!

I'm actually thinking that the third time may NOT be the charm, but I'm at least going to try to make some sense tonight! For the third day in a row I find my eyes filling with tears every time I think about how to put my feelings into words. I have no idea why I am so emotional about this, but at least one person doesn't think this is weird (thanks Kristy!)

So, I'm going to suck it up and try to type something, even if I have to keep a tissue next to the keyboard...

Maybe starting with "the facts" will help keep my emotions in check...not holding my breath, but worth a shot! (Hopefully if I don't get my "facts" straight, Ginger will come correct me...ha!)

Thursday--I had a work meeting from 930-1130. I was nervous about it earlier in the week because I was preparing for some conflict/confrontation and was not at all looking forward to it. However, I forgot that the conflict creating people are no longer on the committee and my manager couldn't come to the meeting, so it actually went very well. Ginger's flight was scheduled to land at 1240, so I stopped by the grocery store to get the flowers, filled up my car with gas, and headed to the airport. When I saw how blue the sky was, I tried to hustle because I figured the flight would land early with such nice weather. Sure enough, by the time I got to the area before the security gate, the plane was in range and landed shortly after that. She was in the back of the plane, so I had to look at a lot of faces before I saw hers (we HAVE met before and I've seen her picture, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tiny bit nervous that for some reason I wouldn't recognize her right away...or couldn't see her behind the person in front of her and make it SEEM like I didn't know who she was!)

After we picked up her bag, we headed to my house to relax for a little while before getting a late lunch at a restaurant I like and my sister suggested. After lunch, we went to my sister's house. She met my sister, one of my cousins, my sister's sister-in-law, my nephew, and his cousin. She photographed the babies and I got to be her assistant :o) She also took photographs of my sister's friend's baby/family at a different location. This is the friend whose baby was SO sick this year. She is doing much better and wore a cute little tutu for some of the pictures :o)

It was a long day, so we only visited for a little while after we got back to my house since neither of us could keep our eyes open!

Friday--If it looks like Thursday was busy, that was nothing compared to Friday! Friday morning, we went to brunch with a friend from work. It was a long brunch since all of us are "talkers", but it was a good time (and yummy food...I sort of wish I would have ordered the waffle instead of the French Toast though because Ginger's food looked amazing...next time I go there, that's what I'll have to get!) Since the weather here was a LOT warmer than she had planned, we went in search of flip flops and short-sleeved shirts. I brought her to the nearly abandoned, "only visit in the day time" type mall that has a Target attached. She found stuff that would work and we were off for an afternoon of "visiting". I brought her to my work and introduced her to one of my favorite people on the transplant team. We talked to her for a while and then I gave her a tour of the unit (she got to meet a couple of my patients, some parents, and co-workers). From there, we went to my high school where we got a pretty thorough tour and she met quite a few MORE people! We then went across the street to my elementary school where she met the first grade teacher who teaches "1B" since Ginger's daughter is in "1B" at her school. She was my 3rd and 6th grade teacher :o)

By this time, we were late meeting up with my sister downtown and my sister was not too happy with me. But, she seemed to get over it pretty quickly and didn't take her frustration with me out on Ginger :o) (Ginger was prepared to deal with that...ha!) We went to a couple different places downtown for their Christmas photographs and my nephew looked SO cute in his little hat :o)

After they left, my "friend from Curves" met us downtown for dinner, and then we walked around for a little while since it was nice. And THEN, we met up with my parents at the horse race track and put in our dollars...none of our horses won, though, so that was disappointing. My mom brought her "nice self" and I gave her the "universal chocolate chip pancake look" and she agreed to make us some in the morning :o)

Pretty sure after ALL that we didn't stay up for very long after we got home. {Ging...is this helping you understand why you were so tired?! It is pretty exhausting just typing it all!}

Saturday--My mom got her nail appointment changed from the afternoon to the morning, so we took our time getting ready for brunch. My sister, brother-in-law and nephew were there for brunch too and my parents' neighbor (the one who came to Vegas) came over to meet Ginger. I love chocolate chip pancakes :o)

We met my sister's sister-in-law (or, my brother-in-law's sister...however you want to say it) and her family downtown for more photographs. It was during this session that my emotions went crazy and I was unable to hold back the tears. Her boyfriend has a five-year-old and it was so much fun watching Ginger work with him during the session. He quickly trusted her and they had a fun time together. It was SO sweet! I think the tears came because that is what I hope it looks like if someone was watching ME work. It was like looking in the mirror, only a little different. She LOVES kids like I LOVE kids. Kids are our passion. Kids are what we do!

I stood there watching and thinking about how this happened. It was overwhelming to try and wrap my head around it all...so I just cried! How did an amazing woman like this who lives over 1000 miles away not only become MY friend, but come to care about me enough to leave behind her husband and kids to come hang out with me for four days?! Not only that, but how is it that someone so "random" can feel like someone you have known forever?! When I was cleaning, I found a note from February 20 with Ginger's name and phone number on it. I don't even remember if I called it then, but I definitely had no idea what the next few months had in store for me/us! I mean, I knew right away that I would like her because of where her heart was, but had no clue it would go any further than just letting her know that I thought she was an amazing friend (and now she is MY amazing friend too!) At one point during the weekend, she said we were "two peas in a pod"...of course that makes me cry too...because, that is really sweet (and I'm a "crier"...lol) ;o) Our personalities just "click"...there is nothing "random" about it, and to see, to feel God working in my life like this is so awesome.

(Okay, that paragraph took me like an hour to type and still doesn't make much sense...sheesh!) After those pictures, she and I walked around downtown until it was time to go to Mass. We had wanted to go to Mass when we were in Chicago but discovered the church was closed for a wedding after we ran (literally) halfway across town. It was a different experience for both of us since I usually go to Mass alone, and she had never been without her kids. But, we were there together and it was SO nice.

After Mass, we relaxed at my house for a while before grabbing dinner on the way to my aunt and uncle's house. Before I went to Chicago, this aunt made a call to Ginger so she was "comfortable" with me making the trip (I didn't ask permission, but it was nice to have her blessing!). So, she wanted to meet her while she was in town. From there, we went to my high school friend's house for a little while, but didn't get home until around 1130. Another long day, especially since we ended up talking for a while longer after we got back to my house!

Sunday--Her flight left in the morning, but not too early, so we got to sleep in a little bit and grab coffee/pastries from my favorite coffee shop on the way to the airport. Unfortunately, neither of us double-checked her flight time and I thought it was 1140, when really it was 1120! The airport here is small, so you don't usually have to get there very early, but I definitely should have gotten her there before 1045/1100! I felt TERRIBLE, but she made her flight and didn't say anything about having baggage trouble later... I totally cried when she left which is kinda weird since I don't (usually) cry when my family/other friends leave, but it is what it is. She then went to a training session/meet and greet for the work she does with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (she was one of 52 photographers CHOSEN to go...I am SO proud of her!)

Thanks for an amazing time, Ginger! I am SO very blessed that God led me to you (or you to me) :o)

Well, I guess that works...maybe third time WAS a charm...more of a "diary" than a "journal", but I think less tears were created this way, even if it is a really boring post! :o) I am constantly in awe of the amazing people God has chosen to bring into my life that sometimes it just overwhelmes me to tears. I know that each and every person is here to teach me something in that moment, but when He brings ones that get to stay and continue to make my life better, I feel so very special. I am blessed indeed.

Good night.

I Was (Am) Here

So...I re-read my post from last night and it was like reading "code" or something...it was "scattered" to say the least! There is so much more I want to try to put into words since I DO believe I should be able to express things more clearly, but, once again it is too late to start any type of "aha" post.

Instead, I guess I will post some words that DO make sense and really spoke to me (okay, so I cried when I heard them...what can I say, Saturday was an emotional day?!) Ginger left the room to do something and gave me her headphones to listen to this song while she was gone (don't think she knew I'd be bawling when she returned!). (She also had me listen to a Lady Antebellum song on the train in Chicago that was great as well...very excited to use the iTunes gift card I got for my birthday!) Again, I may not have the words to explain exactly why my emotions went haywire and the tears flowed freely, but I do believe that "I am here"...touching people's lives and being touched by them too.

I Was Here--Lady Antebellum
You will notice me.
I'll be leaving my mark, like initials carved in an old oak tree,
you wait and see.
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote.
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh,
cure the common cold,
I don't know, but I'm ready to start 'cause I know in my heart--

I wanna do something that matters,
say something different,
something that sets the whole world on its ear.
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given,
and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life,
and leave nothing less than something that says "I was here".

I will prove you wrong.
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock,
'cause this dream's too strong, and before too long...
maybe I'll compose symphonies,
maybe I'll fight for world peace,
'cause I know it's my destiny to leave more than a trace of myself in this
place.

I wanna do something that matters,
say something different,
something that sets the whole world on its ear.
I wanna do something better, with the time I've been given,
and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life,
and leave nothing less than something that says "I was here".

And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life.
I'll leave nothing less that something that says "I was here". I was here. I
was here. I was here.

Wanna do something that matters
something that says I was here
wanna do something that matters
something that says I was here, I was here

____________________________

Today a nursing student started working with me for her first of "14 1/2 shifts" before she graduates in December. It was a good first day since it was really slow...ESPECIALLY for a Monday! I usually just have the student watch on the first day, but probably should have had her do a few things since it was so slow, but I like to establish a trusting relationship before I let them "run free". I have a meeting in the morning that I probably should make sure I am prepared for. I have a lot to get done after the meeting too since I am having a party here on Wednesday.

Good night.