Today was not much better for me emotionally than yesterday, probably worse actually. We had some more snow overnight, but I had to brave the streets to get to my meeting at work. I nominated myself to be the chairperson for the unit council--hope I don't regret THAT decision! We had a pot luck for a nurse who is having a baby and moving to a different position in the hospital. It was at that time that I was told that another of our patients was suffering serious complications from surgery and most likely will not live, maybe not even through the day. This is a patient very well known to my unit, and well-loved, with the most amazing parents. So, a group of us went down to see her briefly, then I stayed for a few minutes to talk to her mom. Nobody saw this coming. I managed to hold off the tears until I got home. I am so sad for them.
My friend found out today that her son is rejecting his transplanted organ. The treatment for this is mostly successful, but it will not be an easy road. I am so sad for her and her family.
The entire community is grieving the terrible losses from yesterday, and there is an aura of sadness everywhere. So at least I'm not alone in feeling sad, but mine is personal too and will take a while to get through.
I am worried about tomorrow. I wish I could call in sick. Then again, I think I would want to be there if she dies tomorrow, and if my friend wants me close by. (It wouldn't look very good if I showed up at the hospital to offer support to others after calling in sick!) I don't think I'll be able to be strong. I will probably cry. That's who I am.
I need to go to bed early. Sleep can't make me feel any worse.
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