Three Strikes

So...I'm thinking that probably isn't very good considering I am just two days into my eight days of "playing mom". Yesterday, we were late to basketball. Today, we were late to church AND to swimming...and I NOT even taking care of young children (but, maybe it would be different if I was the one responsible to get them ready...I guess I underestimated how long it takes a 10-year-old and a 13-year-old to get ready!)

Yesterday, I went to two out of three basketball games (I had to go watch my dad's team play during the second one). Today, I sat at the swimming pool for almost five hours. I'm definitely more of a "basketball mom" than a "swimming mom"! I have no clue how the whole "swimming thing" works and I actually missed his first race (or, I was there, I just had no clue which one he was!) The stands were full, so I couldn't even sit in the swimming pool area until I had been there for three hours (I sat in another room...had brought my lap top, but the wireless connection required a password--darn! I did call a few people and did a little reading...I didn't think to wear comfy shoes!)

Last night was the annual fundraiser at my high school. It was REALLY fun and my voice was hoarse from talking so much! I purchased a couple things and obviously had a great time visiting :o) The food was good too.

I don't think those "three strikes" bothered the kids any, though. I spent the entire day with the 10-year-old (the 13-year-old opted not to come to the pool and had a birthday party and the 18-year-old had school stuff to do). We went to Subway for dinner and played Sequence, Skip-Bo, Go Fish, and King in the Corner, so he can't say that I ignored him (although this whole "mom thing" does kind of limit my "blog time"...ha ha!)

I actually have to go to work tomorrow and the two younger kids are off school. Hopefully they find something to do and stay out of trouble :o)

Good night!

Happy Birthday Asher!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHER!!

"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men."
~Herman Melville (this was the "quote of the day" and I thought it was fitting)

Kristy, Howard, Luke, Ben, family, and friends--I am thinking about you and praying for you today as you celebrate the precious life of Asher Joseph Bolte. Maybe I'll even find myself some cake and ice cream somewhere...it is a birthday party after all!

Updated...I am going to try and post the video Kristy made. It is filled with sadness and joy, hope and tremendous faith (you may want to grab a tissue).

Packing My Bags

Well...not EXACTLY, and not QUITE yet! I need to pack a bag for my week of baby-sitting. I am procrastinating though, and probably will end up doing most of it in the morning (even though I have to get a kid to a basketball game that starts at 9 and need to make sure he gets up and ready well before then!) I will be able to stop by my house to get things, so won't REALLY pack for an entire week. I think I will pack my "bathroom stuff", something I can wear to bed, something appropriate for church on Sunday, and a set of scrubs for Monday. Maybe an extra outfit just in case I don't get home as often as I think I will. Tomorrow night, I am going to a fundraiser dinner/auction at my high school, so am planning to come home in the afternoon to get ready and can grab some more things then.

Last night's post seemed to serve its purpose, at least for today. I was starting to feel a tiny bit overwhelmed and wanted to try and brace myself before the walls came tumbling down and I was caught off-guard. I definitely don't need my brain turning to mush because that wouldn't be helpful for anyone.

A "new reader" to my blog (there's your first "shout out" Nikki ;o) ) told me the other day: "If God brought you to it, God will get you through it." I think that is quite fitting in light of what has been going on. I AM only one person and I DO need to make sure I am taking care of myself, but also remember that (like Kim wrote in her latest post), if we turn to God, "He will work it all out, bring together the good for those us of that will let him."

Okay I have stalled on my packing long enough (or maybe I will go to bed and "stall" until the morning!) I have not decided what I will do about my computer. I think I will have to bring it along with me back and forth since we are a little attached (well, probably I am more attached to it than it is to me!)

Good night.

Nature's Beauty

Tonight, I am feeling pretty sad. There is so much going on inside my head and all around me. I have no regrets for feeling so deeply for the people I know who are hurting, but I am not sure how long I will be able to stay strong emotionally. I have a feeling that one of these days, one of these moments, I am just going to explode emotionally and it probably will not be pretty. In an attempt to ward off some of the sadness inside, I decided to look through some of my pictures. Not all of them have made it back onto my computer, but I was reminded of some very happy times. I am not an "outdoorsy" girl, but every once in a while I take a moment to enjoy nature's beauty. While I do really sort of wish I was near the ocean, and the warmer spring weather would be more than welcome, hopefully the memories and the promise of an end to winter will help me through the coming days.

Good night.

Every Day Moments

A while back, I read a couple posts on this blog but didn't become a "faithful reader" at that time. However, a couple weeks ago, I decided to put it on my "reader" because she has some really good things to say. Of course, it doesn't hurt that two weeks ago, she decided to have a giveaway every Wednesday :o) I'm always up for the chance to win a prize! Two weeks ago, she asked people to comment about something that made them happy that week for a chance to win. Last week, the comment was to be about "letting go" of something in order to make life more manageable. Today, she wanted to know what every day moment we would stop savor today. Very thought provoking questions, especially when asked by someone who has been placed in the situation she has been. Of course, now that I have told "you" about this contest, I will have one more person to "compete against" to actually win, but it is a good exercise even if I never win!

Anyway, not sure if this is what I wrote when I commented, but today I definitely savored my time. Last week, I know I sort of complained about having too much time off, but mostly that is because I don't know how to use my time to do things like clean and organize! It was too much sitting around doing nothing! Of course, I was SO very grateful to have a sitting around doing nothing day yesterday! There are times when I really wish that I was a mother. I am sure when the time is right, God will make me one in whatever way it is supposed to happen. Until that day comes, I am realizing that there are reasons why things are the way they are. Because I am "Just Me", there are things that I can do that other people cannot, and I really do love that.

Today, I went and worked out (I HAD to since it had been nearly a week!). The machines felt like they were kicking my butt this morning, but I'm guessing that is good for me :o) After my workout, I picked up my friend and "the baby" for lunch. They are going to be here until Friday and it was SO nice to be able to spend two different days with them. Last spring when she was here and he was very sick, we went to a Greek restaurant. I had never had a gyro and thought it was SO good! I didn't have one again until today. What a special memory that is...my first AND my second gyro with a very special friend (and today that baby was a talkative 16-month-old who actually was really well-behaved!). Since I didn't have any plans, I brought her to the grocery store to pick up a few things before bringing her back to her "home away from home". Very nice that my car seat got used twice in a week!

After that, before my next "plan", I kind of vegged out at home. I spent some time chatting with a friend who was struggling. It was great to have that time to spend. I don't have laundry piled up (not really anyway), loads of dishes, little ones to chase, or big kids to chauffeur from activity to activity. I could focus on her and what was going on and just "listen" without distractions. I can't say that I helped a great deal, but it was definitely time well spent for me.

I am going to be "playing mom" for a week starting on Saturday morning. So, this afternoon I met with the mom to talk about some of the details. This weekend I WILL be chauffeuring kids and getting a taste of what it is like to be a single working mom (since I actually do have to go to my "real" job on Monday and Wednesday as well as a meeting and Bible Study on Tuesday). As I was leaving, I ran into a friend (she actually pulled up right behind my parked car on the street!) She said "I think I owe you some money for something"...I had sent her an email (one of only four I have sent so far) to see if she would donate 5 or 10 dollars to the March for Babies since I will be doing that walk in April. She pulled out her check book and wrote me a check for $50. I was pretty much in shock and didn't have time to let it all soak in because I was on to my next "activity", but it definitely brought me to tears when I got home. What awesome friends I have!

Anyway, I had to rush off because I had made plans to walk with my friend from Curves. She actually went for walks by herself yesterday and the day before, so that is really good. Her husband's condition continues to worsen, but I am not sure how much longer they are thinking he will be here. It sounds like she had other friends taking care of her while I was working/recovering the past five days, so that is nice. It was rather cold today, but I said that if she was willing to brave the cold, then I would brave it with her. I think I did more talking than she did, but hopefully it was a nice distraction and I didn't hinder her (she is pretty outspoken so I think she would have told me to be quiet and let her have a few words!)

After that, I met a friend who works at the hospital for dinner (not the pregnant one, the one who works on an adult floor). We hadn't had dinner for a while, or seen each other in nearly a month, so it was nice to catch up. Both of us had pretty icky shifts this weekend and it is always helpful to vent with someone who understands! We talked for about 2 hours and she had to go do homework (I was supposed to finish my minutes for the meeting from two weeks ago, but guess I will do that tomorrow!)

It seemed like my driver's side rear tire was losing air. I ran around so much that I didn't make a point to stop and get it fixed today. I work the next two days and then start baby-sitting, so wasn't sure when that was going to happen. Unfortunately, that isn't something that you can just "not fix"! Fortunately, my parents live really close and my dad gets off early. So, I traded cars with my mom and my mom will take my dad's truck to work. My dad will get my tire fixed and we will trade back tomorrow...have I mentioned that I have AWESOME parents?!

Well, I managed to get through the day without a nap even though I was up past 2:00 n the morning! Pretty impressive in my book because I could probably take a nap even if I slept for 12 hours!

Time. Not sure if that is exactly the "every day moment" she was going for, but I definitely savored every minute of my time today. I definitely think I used it much better than I do on most days.

Back to work tomorrow! Good night.

Ha, Ha...after I hit "publish" and my blog refreshed, this was the "Quote of the Day"--"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." ~William Penn So funny!

It Takes All Sorts

It has been a while since I took two days off from posting anything. Sunday night, I went to bed pretty early after a really busy day at work. Last night, I thought I was going to crash as soon as I got home after working four days in a row. I ended up staying awake, but didn't have energy to type anything that would make much sense (ha ha, that doesn't usually stop me, so I guess it isn't too great of an excuse!)

Anyway, I spent over 50 hours at the hospital in four days. The first two went okay, but come Sunday I was just irritated. Every. Single. Thing. Bothered me. I actually reached the point of wishing my ears didn't work for a couple of hours so I didn't have to hear anything for a while. That is not a very good thing to wish for, I know, but my ears are extra sensitive and the constant alarms and other nonsense was driving me insane. We had a set of parents who probably could not have passed a parent test if there was one who annoyed the living daylights out of me. Another set of parents was sick, so I saw them for less than 15 minutes in the 50 plus hours I cared for their child (who, of course cried for extended periods of time since he was a bored baby who didn't feel well). And yet, the mom called Sunday night and tried picking a fight with me. Apparently, I was supposed to call THEM and keep them updated on how their child was doing. Seriously people. Somehow, I managed to keep my cool and NOT say what I really thought (hello, if you wanted updates on your baby you should call ME!)

Yesterday wasn't QUITE as bad as Sunday, just busy. Attitude definitely makes a difference, as does the people you are working with. Of course, knowing it was my LAST day of work for a couple days probably helped too! Too bad I was so "done" with being at the hospital that I couldn't bring myself to go there for a memorial service today for a child who passed away on Saturday. Usually I am the one the chaplain counts on to be there, but I just couldn't do it today.

After a crazy four days (Friday, I ran my car into my retaining wall, Saturday I heard some sad news, and after Sunday and Monday I am happy to still have all my hair), I decided that today would be a "do nothing day". So, I rolled out of bed just before 11:00. I stayed in my pajamas until I finally showered around 2:00. I did this and that, but nothing TOO productive. I did get a fun warning from facebook telling me that I could be "engaging in behavior that may be considered annoying or abusive by other users". They let me know that I could potentially be permanently blocked from facebook if I did not stop this behavior. It made me laugh, but I actually think I would be pretty upset if I lost my facebook privileges (especially since I "scored" a free gallon of milk because one of my facebook friends offered it up on her "status"!)

I talked to quite a few friends today, which made it a good day :o) I also made plans to get together with a couple of them.

Well, I started this post at 10:22 (my "favorite time"!) and now it is 12:23 because I was "facebook chatting" rather than "blog posting".

So much for an exciting post...I had planned on making it a good one since I took two nights off, but this is all I got. I started getting "Quote of the Day" emails in addition to the ones on my blog. I signed up for them a long time ago and then requested they stop. All of a sudden they started coming...today's was pretty good and, if it wasn't so late, it probably would be nice to reflect on its meaning! "God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. He must accept it. The only choice is how." ~Henry Ward Beecher, 1813-1887

Good night!

Ok, so now it is nearly 2:00 in the morning and I haven't even gotten back into my pajamas (I guess I needed to stay in "real clothes" for 12 hours!) So, what are the chances I am actually going to get up to go work out and still make it to lunch at 11:30?! Hmm...maybe sleeping in until 11:00 wasn't such a great idea for the "big picture" but it sure was nice for the day! And, that title would have made much more sense if I had written more about the crazy people I had to deal with during those four work days! Oh well. Good night again!

Hurting Hearts

How's THAT for the title to the "Valentine's Day" post?!

This wasn't the "crying week" of last week, but my heart has still been hurting. I realize that this is more of a blessing than a curse, but my heart tends to try and suck the hurt out of any it finds. I suppose that is part of what makes me good at my job, and hopefully a good friend and family member as well :o) My heart also seems to know where to find the hurting ones! I have quotes all around my blog page reminding me where my heart should be--"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore, that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any fellow human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it for I shall not pass this way again." ~Stephen Grellet; "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~Leo Buscaglia; "I've always thought that people need to feel good about themselves and I see my role as offering support to them, to provide some light along the way."~Leo Buscaglia...

I love that God has given this heart to me. I suppose I am even more grateful that through the years He has shown me how to protect my heart as well, or at least how to keep myself from completely falling apart on a daily basis! He has given me wonderful friends who listen, who put me in my place, who remind me that some hurts cannot be "fixed" by me, who have helped me find ways to pump my heart back up so it is ready to go again. I am SO very blessed!

I will not argue that "Valentine's Day" is a commercial holiday, but isn't it nice to have a special date that EVERYONE is reminded to say "I love you"?! In this crazy world we live in, I am sure there are people who get all wrapped up in themselves, their "busyness of life" that they forget how important those words are.

Hmm, this seems like kind of a scattered post that may not even make much sense (hopefully I am not losing my brain because I still have two more days of 12-hour shifts ahead of me!) However, at least I am writing about caring for "hurting hearts" rather than my "lonely heart" (ha ha, that is funny...this heart rarely feels TOO lonely...alone, yes, lonely, not usually, although it was definitely tested this past week!)

Prayers for all those with hurting hearts. Prayers for those who long to hear those "three little words" that, unfortunately, were probably spoken today more than they were yesterday and will be tomorrow.

Are you "for real"?!

Work was pretty darn good today. That potential cold I felt coming on was successfully ignored away (at least for one day). I was able to catch glimpses of the pouring down snow out the patients' rooms and reminded myself that snow really is pretty...if you aren't having to drive in it.

I chatted with my manager (she is a "talker" so that is not hard), I shared (Deceptively Delicious) Chocolate Chip Cookies with anyone who was daring enough to try them (don't forget 1/2 cup oats if you use this recipe!) which was really fun, and had good patients (which I am very thankful for because I could be with them for at least 50 of their next 96 hours!)

I called my mom when I got to my car and said "if you were my parents, you would be at the horse races, right?!" She said, "No, if we were your parents, then we just got home from___" Yes, my parents definitely came and shoveled my walk and driveway so I wouldn't have to do it when I got home from work. Aww, so sweet :o)

The roads weren't too bad, but my little side street (you know, the one I got stuck on a few months ago) had quite a bit of piled up snow. My little Jetta is pretty low to the ground and I didn't think it would be able to make it through the highest of the piles and then up my steep driveway into the garage without a little maneuvering. So, I made a wide left turn and then.....

....right into the retaining wall. And then, my driveway was slick, so I had to back up and try again to work my way up the hill and into the garage. I do not think there is a dent, but I do not think it is "cheap" to fix paint like that. Of course, this isn't the FIRST time that area of the car has been scraped, but it is worse this time (I hit the side of the garage backing out during the first winter I had my car partially due to an icy driveway). To make matters (potentially) worse, when I went back out to take this photo, there was a strange gurgling sound coming from the driver side rear tire that makes me wonder about a hole in the tire...argh, I hope not because I DO have to get to work the next three days and that would be much easier without a flat tire!

So, I had good intentions to start my eating healthy with hopes of correcting my elevated cholesterol by changing my diet...but, it was 10:30 by the time I settled down (and stopped facebook chatting with my nearly 18-year-old cousin...that was a good time) pizza rolls in the microwave just seemed SO much easier :o)

I also got a complete "Blast from the Past" email today. I wrote this post back in August about some of my past Internet "issues". I have been thinking about "that girl"off and on recently, wondering how she was doing, what she is doing these days, but not really feeling it would be appropriate to "search" her name (although I think I did once unsuccessfully). She found me, and sent me a nice email. I was a little preoccupied this evening to give her a proper response, but I definitely think I will. I learned a lot from that time of my life, and maybe there is more learning to be done. There are "no coincidences", right?!

Back to work tomorrow...I need to go to bed (and hope the plow clears my street and I do not have a flat tire when I leave for work in a little less than eight hours)

Good night.

Great While it Lasted

Too often, we do not always appreciate things (or people) until they are gone. As much as I would like to say I am not one of "those people", that would be very untruthful. However, I WILL say that I have been blessed to have been introduced to people who definitely appreciate the little things WAY more than the "average person" and I am thinking some of that has rubbed off on me. I can only hope, right?!

It seems I was pretty emotional on and off for a couple weeks and then last week I felt like I was going to fall apart. That "one day" I pretty much begged for winter to be over and spring to arrive. I am not sure why I thought that would make things better, but it definitely seemed like it was worth a shot.

So, when the cold winds went away and we had DAYS and DAYS of temperatures well above freezing, even into the 60s in FEBRUARY, I definitely did my best to appreciate that. I'm not really an "outdoorsy" person and I am by no means a "sun goddess" (my pale part-Swedish skin likes to burn rather than tan anyway), but I realize that I needed to enjoy this "gift". I opened my windows to let in the fresh air. I made sure I put up the blinds (sometimes I kind of forget to do that) to let the sunshine in. I sat outside (in the shade) reading a book. I went on long walks with a friend. I rolled down the car windows (until my super long hair blowing in my face got too annoying). And, hopefully I remembered to say thank you a time or two :o)

I feel refreshed and renewed (even though I'm still pretty emotional about certain things, but think that is just because of where my heart is right now rather than it being some kind of "emotional issue") and this break from the cold was exactly what I needed.

Tomorrow, they are predicting up to six inches of accumulating snow. Now, that IS kind of a bummer, but I don't think I am really in a position to complain too much about it :o) I got spring in February for goodness sake! I asked for spring and I GOT it...what a blessing (and, hopefully writing this down will remind me of that when I am shoveling snow tomorrow!)

The spring was great while it lasted, and it will come again. I am so thankful for that, and so very grateful that I have learned to appreciate things like Spring in February.

Back to work tomorrow...it will be really nice to have a day with a little bit of structure and people to talk to. I'm thinking that if I had another day off, some people may wonder if it was a good idea to accept me as their "facebook friend"...seriously, I was starting to annoy myself (and yet, for some reason, I forgot about the laundry in the dryer...and one would think with this much time off, my home would be more than "company ready", but NOPE...)

Good night.

Getting a Check-Up

I have written about "the baby" many times during the past ten months. I wrote a post with links to some of my previous posts before he went home in November. You can find that here . At that time, I posted a little photo collage showing how sick he was and how far he had come.



(Sorry, it is teeny tiny here and I'm not sure how to fix that...it is much bigger in the original post!)

I told a little bit of his story last night at Bible Study. When I first met his mom, we became "fast friends" and I fell in love with this sweet little baby, even though he was almost too sick to smile. I trusted that God had a plan, but wasn't sure I was going to like it. In fact, I was pretty sure he had brought her into my life to be there when she said good-bye to her son. God had a different plan, an amazing one. She is a wonderful person, and, I suppose I should let the pictures show what God has done...



Good night.

Plenty of Notice

I found out WEEKS ago that my friend and "the baby" will be coming to town tomorrow. I had the past three days off. And yet, my house is still as cluttered as it was when I first found out! Maybe I do better under pressure...there is always tomorrow afternoon (and, maybe she won't actually end up coming into my house!)

This morning, I had a meeting at the hospital (after I got my blood drawn...they have annual free screenings...apparently, I have high cholesterol, so there is another motivation to start eating better!) I was asked to continue in my role as the unit chairperson for another year. My manager thinks that our group is working really well right now and believes that keeping consistent leadership will help. So, I will continue with my three meetings a month and preparing agendas, reading policies and procedures, and distributing minutes. It isn't THAT bad, and it is really gratifying to know that I am doing such a good job they don't want me to leave :o) (or, no one else is ready to take on that responsibility yet!)

It was about 60 degrees today, so again I opened my windows. I also went to a coffee shop and sat outside for a while. I do have a front porch, but don't have a good place to sit out there...maybe I will have to think about that kind of purchase for this summer.

I didn't go on a walk with my friend since I had Bible Study and didn't think we would have time after her son got off work to sit with her husband. I did call her on my drive there and they enjoyed food from my family today which was really nice. My mom had me give her banana bread, so, along with the leftover pancakes, the dinner I made last night, and an apple my sister had left at my house (I don't like red delicious apples), they were "all set"!

While I was at Bible Study, I missed a call. I didn't recognize the number and was surprised when I started listening to the message. It was a girl from the hospital, and she was talking about this incident . I was really surprised because, up until that point, I had no idea who was involved. I honestly didn't think it was her. She basically said things like it wasn't about me personally, she didn't want any hurt feelings, she thinks I am a great nurse, and was just relaying a message from someone else... I was a bit shocked by the call, so called my manager at home while I was driving home. Apparently, she had spoken with this individual earlier in the day (actually, not too long before the message was left). That person expressed interest in apologizing to me. From what my manager said, it did not seem like she was 100% honest about the events that occurred, but she has to live with that, and we both agreed that it was a learning experience and no reason not to accept her apology. I tried calling her when I got home so she didn't think I just ignored the call and apology, but got her voice mail. I really am quite flabbergasted that she was the one who instigated all this "drama", but now I know and we all can move forward.

A little shout out to all who came to read my post from yesterday :o) I didn't win the prize, but it was sure fun trying! Not sure I will make that a weekly post, but probably if there is a prize at stake!

Good night.

Just Me Does Not Me!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well, this would be the debut of "Not Me!" for "Just me" :o)

I did NOT decide to participate in Not Me! Monday! this week simply because there is a chance to win a really cool prize this week.

I did NOT go to the grocery store to buy "Whole Ground Flaxseed Meal" and "Steel Cut Oats" (and some "Bob's Red Mill Lemon Poppy Seed Cake Mix" for good measure) simply because MckMama said they were not only yummy, but healthy too. Because, that is just silly to take grocery shopping advice from a stranger, and I would never spend my hard-earned money on food that I have no idea how to use.

I did NOT successfully convince myself more than once this week that spending countless hours reading blogs and facebook status updates counts as "being social".

I did NOT declare (to no one in particular seeing as I live by myself) that I was "bored" when my arms were within reach of dozens of out-of-place papers, and fully aware that I had a sink full of dirty dishes, and clean clothes in the dryer. Nope, since I live alone, without any children or pets, and have four days off a week, I have a perfectly organized and clean house.

I did NOT go to a party honoring pizza delivery drivers...oh wait, yes I did (see previous post!)

Well, that is the debut of "Not Me! Monday" for Me...it was hard to think of things I did "not do" when I spend most of my days by myself and really, "not doing anything".

Oh wait, I thought of a couple more!

I did NOT try on five pairs of pants before picking a pair for church yesterday because I most certainly do NOT care a bit about what I look like. And, I definitely did not deem my choice successful when two people commented that it looked like I had lost weight.

It does NOT freak me out at all that by posting this on "Mr. Linky", my blog could potentially get more "hits" in one day than it typically does in an entire week...nope, that does NOT make my heart race and send me into near "panic attack" mode...okay, so it isn't THAT serious :o)

Until the next time...have a great Monday!

Honoring Pizza Delivery Drivers

As I wrote last night , I had the opportunity to attend a VERY fun party! These people are known for their crazy theme parties, but this was a new one for me...and I'm thinking a new one for everyone!

The above photo was just PART of the fun! (In case it is hard to read with the Red, White, Blue theme going on brown paper--the front said "PIZZA" in bubble letters--the text reads "Pizza is the food of America. We salute you, An American hero, for bringing our food. Thank you for all you do.")

I actually was the third "guest" to show up for the party, even though I was 30 minutes late. The house was decorated with posters on every wall. I took pictures of all of them except one that said "Pie of my eye" except the "Pie" was a drawing of a pizza. I hope you are able to see them in the slide show. It was really clever (there also was a copy of the movie "Mystic Pizza" on display.)

I was directed to the "Appreciation Station" that was downstairs. There was a large table with sidewalk chalk, crayons, glue, colored pencils, construction paper, glue, stickers, buttons...it looked like a kindergarten classroom! There was an example there of a card with a poem thanking the pizza delivery drivers. Participation in card making, was more than encouraged. Even though I am NOT artistic at all (good thing I became a nurse and not a teacher...I would not have been very good at that!), I decided I had to go for it. I am holding my first card in one of the photos. I drew an "eye", wrote out the word "heart" and attempted to draw a pizza that looked more like a chocolate chip cookie...you know, "I Heart Pizza"...ha ha! On the inside, I wrote something like "Dear Pizza Delivery Driver, Thank you very much for bringing my favorite food right to my front door. I appreciate all you do. Have a good night." and signed with "Sincerely". There were some pretty creative people there, and one guy even wrote a "haiku". It was definitely like an elementary school classroom for a little while :o)

The pizzas started arriving around 9:15. When each order was made, they asked who the driver was going to be. That way, we could personalize their cupcake and gather appropriate cards. We had a "look out" and when the driver pulled up, we got into place and turned the lights off. We shouted "surprise" and cheered and said thank you and hooted and hollered when each driver arrived with the pizza. We gave them their gifts and got group photos with the drivers (I am hoping to get those emailed to me because I didn't use my camera). Before they left, we sang "for he's a jolly good fellow..." and cheered. Oh my goodness, I thought I was going to die laughing! The "best case scenario" for the "party planner" was to have two drivers show up at once and that did happen. The guy definitely did not know what to do, but the girl was the manager at her place and was taking it all in (she even said "I guess we should fight"...priceless!) It was SO funny! She felt like the party was truly a success after that happened :o)

I was there for four drivers, but had to leave so I could go to bed. They had only made one more call and I think had plenty of pizza to last for a while. What a great time...definitely WAY more fun than sitting at home catching up on my DVR of "The Today Show"! I hope this slide show of photos works...I haven't posted a movie like this since October and am not sure I remembered correctly how to do it!

Work was good today. I worked three shifts this week and did FIVE discharges. That's pretty crazy, but today, like Monday, I was left with only one patient by early afternoon. Today, however, I did not go home early (I have the next five days off and need all the money I can get!) It cooled off this evening, so it was like 52 degrees in my house when I got home. I closed the windows and had to turn the heat back on. I had some hot apple cider and think I'm ready to snuggle into bed :o)

Good night.

Spring in February

Today's weather was SO wonderful! Two days in a row with what feels like warm weather to me. I actually am not a big fan of the heat because I HATE being hot (and don't really like shorts, tank tops, or swimming suits). I also don't really like cold, but I'd rather be snuggled up in a blanket than sweating bullets! 50s near 60 just felt absolutely perfect to me the past two days (now, if there were an ocean nearby, it would have been extra perfect!). While I spent much of the day sitting on my living room floor working on my taxes, I was able to turn off the heat and open the windows and just enjoy the day (hoping I will get a nice rebate because today's paycheck was gone before I even had a chance to really look at it!)

This afternoon, I went for a long walk with my friend from Curves. It was her first time out of the house all week (I can't even imagine what HER "winter blues" was feeling like!) We had a really nice visit while we walked, and then I drove her to the grocery store. I work tomorrow, but hopefully we will be able to visit again on Sunday. I hear it is supposed to get cooler and maybe rain, but maybe it will stay nice enough for us to go on another walk. She seemed in pretty good spirits considering what is all going on. They can't really afford a funeral, so they are planning to have a kind of open house at her husband's work and it sounds like people from Curves are going to bring "pot luck" type food. It is really sad to talk like that, but I suppose that is the reality of the situation.

Tonight, I went to a SUPER SUPER SUPER fun party! The girl is a friend who actually works with my mom. She and her roommate are known for having "theme parties" and have an annual Corn Hole Bowl . Other party themes included a Pajama Party for the roommate whose name starts with a "P" which I was not able to attend but I guess they "prank called" other people's friends from their cell phones. They also had a Monster Truck Rally with remote control cars for the birthday of a girl whose name starts with an "M" (and mini trophies for participants) and a "Ho-Down" for the birthday of the roommate whose name starts with an "H". With each party, they go all out with the decorating and it is hilarious! I wasn't really going to write about tonight's party until I had the pictures uploaded but it was so fun I think I can write about it more than once! Are you ready for tonight's theme? You would NEVER be able to guess.

The theme of tonight's party was "Celebrating America's Heroes that are Pizza Delivery Drivers". Once I have the pictures, it will explain the story a lot better, but it was definitely as funny as it sounds. I had to leave early because I work in the morning, but I was there long enough to have a slice of pizza from four different pizza places that deliver...more to come on the rest of how this party played out (I know, that's a teaser which I shouldn't really do considering I don't actually have a "readership", but it is after 11:00 and my alarm still goes off at 5:30 no matter what time I go to bed!) I definitely think it is a fantastic party idea for ANYONE who has fun friends!!

Good night!

You Be the Judge

Well, this didn't QUITE work out as planned... See, the picture on the left was posted today on facebook by one of my friends. It was taken close to five years ago. When I saw it, I thought "Wow, I look really young!" and, also "I think I may actually have make-up on!" In order to "prove my point", I decided to place it next to a photo taken a couple weeks ago. Um, yeah, not sure it really worked. I will let "you" be the judge of that :o) I definitely enjoy the little ones, and that has not changed!

This morning, I had my meeting at work. It went REALLY well and we managed to get through a TON of agenda items in a timely manner (people did come on time and stayed focused, just as I requested when I sent the agenda on Sunday :o) )

After the meeting, I picked up one of my friends from work and we went to lunch at "our favorite place". She had to take a "rain check" when something came up at work last week, so I am glad it worked out this week. It definitely was good timing to have plans with a friend, especially considering how I spent my LAST day off! She is due with her second child in five weeks and I am so happy for her (she had a couple miscarriages last year and was wondering if she would be able to have another biological child). She is really fun to be around, so I'm thinking that I may have to go visit her while she is on maternity leave, even though she lives kind of far away (by MY standards anyway!) Plus, she will have a BABY there (and an adorable three-year-old!)

I went to the dentist after lunch (well, after stopping by my house to brush and floss my teeth first!) I got a good report and found out that I haven't had a filling since 1994. I think that's pretty good, especially since the dentist who was recommended to me when I lived in Rhode Island six years ago told me that all my fillings were bad and needed to be removed and replaced!

I did a couple errands and then came home. Oh, I forgot to mention that it was in the 50s today...I got the spring I was asking for! The forecast for tomorrow shows that it will be near 60...maybe I should get ambitious and try going for a run (or at least a long walk!) I am so excited that I am off and have no plans since it is going to be that nice!

I didn't have any plans, so just sat on the couch watching TV and staring at my computer. I should have started reading that book I wrote about earlier this week, but my mom did call me and we talked for an hour. Then, I did a bit of "facebook chatting" and now I should get ready for bed (I suppose I could snuggle up in bed and read for a while...in fact, I might just do that!)

Good night.

I think I'm glad I wrote that

Even though last night's post was short, vague, and probably unnecessary (I just sometimes feel like I should write something every day!) and also led me to stay up WAY later than I should have, I believe it served its purpose.

Yesterday I had one of those really emotional days. I had a "pit" in my stomach for most of the day (could have very well been due to all the junk I ate the previous few days, but I'm at least pretending it could have been something else) It was one of those days that I could have cried at the drop of a hat, and many times I just let it go. I cried when I was talking to a friend (well, "talking" on facebook), I cried at songs on the radio, and randomly just cried.

The "I think I have been here before" is that every January/February seem to be extra tough for me emotionally (of course, I have other randomly emotional times at other times of the year too, so am not sure there is actually a "pattern"!). Last year, I even did a little research on the "winter blues". I determined then that my sadness during this time had more to do with the fact that it was those months when some of my most loved patients passed away than the fact that it is dark and cold. January and February have been REALLY hard months for years (one of the first patients I became close to prior to her passing away died in February of 2006). This year, thank goodness, has been different. While it is the "anniversaries" of those losses, I am having a harder time "explaining" why I was feeling so sad...but, maybe I don't need to "explain" and having a few sad days can be quite normal especially when my heart is so full of love for other people and it tends to get hurt pretty easily when those I care about are hurting...

I think that what happened on Monday hit me full-on yesterday. I managed to hold myself together somewhat on Monday, but actually taking it all in and digesting what exactly happened I guess was enough to push me to the edge emotionally. While I tried not to take it personally, it definitely was hard not to! My friend also is not coming back to work at Curves until after her husband passes away. I felt a little bad about not calling her yesterday, but I didn't really feel like I was in a good enough place myself to be of any help.

Those are some of the things I would have written about yesterday...if I wasn't so tired and it wasn't so late! I did, however, feel like I needed to write something down, let at least some of it out so I would be able to have a good day today. After I posted that, though, I did not go to bed. Instead, I wrote a couple notes. One to a "friend of a friend" (sort of) who was in need of some encouragement. Another to my manager letting her know how much I truly appreciate all she does. A "thinking of you card" and a few birthday cards. It was about 1:00 before I fell asleep. I knew that 5:30 would come WAY too early, but knew that I wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway with the wheels in my head turning so much.

And, since I ended my post with "tomorrow will be a GREAT day!", I made sure that today was a "GREAT day". There were many things that happened that could have made me overwhelmed, frustrated, annoyed, and not REALLY a good day at work (I started the day with two patients and ended the day with three...three different patients than the two I started with!). However, a good attitude and positive thinking can sure do wonders :o) Plus, I knew that I couldn't cry at work with THAT charge nurse there (she feels a bit bad that she actually said that to me, but I think it is kind of funny and does help put a smile on my face!)

Although I hit a "wall" early this afternoon when my body realized how little sleep I was working on, I couldn't really have regrets for what I did with my time awake last night. I handed out one of the birthday cards today and she thought it was fun I remembered :o) The other two birthday cards went to little girls who will definitely enjoy having mail to open, and that is enough to make me smile. My manager told me the card I gave her was the nicest thing she had ever received. The other two cards were sent to people who could definitely use some "pick me ups". Even though it is quite possible I will not know when these cards arrive in the mailboxes of those people I care about, some of the sadness was lifted. And, even though it was not a long night's slumber, I went to bed with a dry pillow with a determination to make today a great one.

Winter blues or not...I'm still looking forward to spring! And, I REALLY need to go to bed!
Good night.

I think I've been here before...

In fact, I know I have.

Today was a really good day to be able to stay at home and do nothing. It was really cold outside, so I just "chilled" here at home.

I am SO ready for spring!

I will plan to write more about today tomorrow, but there are some things I need to do before bed. Prayers to all who need them tonight :o) Back to work tomorrow. I hope that somehow during the night the switch on my tears turns off because one of my favorite nurses is in charge tomorrow. Her favorite thing to tell me is "There's no crying at work!" Good thing she wasn't there yesterday!! :o) Ahh, that brought one of the biggest smiles of the day...tomorrow will be a GREAT day!

So Much Support

It's a day like today that I wish I could give a little "shout out" to my place of employment. It's also a day like today that I am really glad that I have kept those details to myself (mostly) and I am free to "let it all out".

While I did just have two days off, I wasn't "quite" ready to go back to work. However, it was "just for one day", and you know how that "mantra" goes :o)

Since I was just there for today, I kind of let the other nurses pick their patients first. As it turned out, a patient I enjoy but hadn't cared for in a while was still "available" to "pick". So, I snapped that patient up, feeling rather excited about the day. Before the final decisions were made, though, one of the nurses asked me to speak with her privately. She informed me that she heard that the parents of that patient did not want me caring for their child. O-kay...so, one of the nurses switched her assignment and I was determined to get on with the day.

As much as those words stung, I kept telling myself not to take it personally. I kept repeating to myself that I must respect them, they have a right to decide those things, you can't please everyone, etc. Anything to keep from becoming a blubbering mess because I was, after all, at work. In the mean time, the wheels in my head were turning, trying to figure out if I had done or said something to ANYONE that could have led to this. I really couldn't come up with anything, which was reassuring and bothersome at the same time.

At first chance, I went to talk to my manager. I calmly told her that I had heard about this situation. I let her know that I completely respect their decision, but if there was anything I could learn from this, I was willing to listen. She said she had no idea what it was all about. Apparently, she had been informed about "the issue" on Friday, but had not had a chance to investigate (remember, Friday afternoon involved a bit of chaos). Now, this is one of those "everything happens for a reason" times. A few people had heard about this apparent "issue", but I did not learn about it until today. Had I found out on Friday, I would have spent the entire weekend stewing about this and it probably would have driven me crazy in the mean time. At this point, she let me know that she WAS going to speak with the parents and then we would talk again. She expressed to me that if she was in my position, she would like to know the circumstances so, if there is a lesson to be learned, it is learned.

From there, the shift was pretty uneventful. I only had two patients and ended up sending one of them home. Then, they were going to let ME go home early. I felt kind of bad considering I just got Thursday off, but then it would have been a little silly for someone with a couple patients to have me take over and them go home. Also, my dad had his surgery to remove his skin cancer today so it was convenient to get off early. That allowed me to go to the grocery store for him (and have dinner with my parents at a decent hour).

Before I left for the day, however, I went and spoke to my manager again. She had spoken with the parents and what she discovered was really rather crazy. The parents had never said such a thing about me. I am not 100% clear on the details, but that is okay, especially since I should probably still remain somewhat vague here. However, the "gist" of it is that someone decided that I was not a good nurse for this patient, shared that information with the parents, and then it was shared with many other people. SO not cool! I'm not sure how widespread it went, but I just started crying when I realized the devastating effects that could have had. Thankfully, my manager knows me and my heart very well. However, it is still very hurtful knowing that someone, even if it is just one someone, is saying such things about me.

My manager and I talked for quite a while. She is very supportive of her staff and I definitely felt that today. She could have just taken "the word" she heard, told me that I probably just shouldn't take care of that patient and leave it at that. Instead, she went and talked to the family (she also has a VERY close relationship with the families and that REALLY helps in times like this since they already feel comfortable with her) to see how together we could make this better. She is "all about" learning from mistakes, and seeking opportunities for improvement. She had all kinds of nice things to say about me and my work and dealing with patients, so of course I was crying (and glad I was able to leave shortly after that!) I was definitely feeling the love and really felt like I am respected on the unit by her. I was also given tremendous support from the other nurses on my floor when all that happened this morning...and apparently on Friday when they were respectful of my feelings and didn't say anything before they had all the facts.

I felt so very blessed this afternoon. Of course, I was also thankful that I didn't completely fall apart this morning even when I was feeling a bit "heartsick". I am so lucky to work in a place where people care about each other and their feelings (well, at least they care about me and mine!). Not only did that nurse this morning take me into a separate room rather than announce that in front of the whole room, but the nurses on Friday also chose to only tell me things that I needed to know. A place where the manager is more than willing to stand up for her staff while maintaining control. A place where my manager knows me enough to know that things didn't seem quite right with this "issue" and was already ready to examine things more closely even before I asked. She also follows through with things, so hopefully that person will think twice before anything like that is said again. I am SO appreciative of her getting to the bottom of this issue before it exploded into something much more detrimental.

I can hardly believe this happened, and it sure sent me on a roller coaster ride of emotions (I suppose there was no reason to get off the ride...I've already been on for a while). I suppose, it is good that I know my heart is in the right place. Hurting people's feelings or making them uncomfortable makes me feel terrible. The not knowing was a real challenge for me (again, thankfully it was only part of a day rather than the whole weekend!).

I shared this story with my mom and she pretty much advised me to discuss it no further. I agree that the less people who know this happened, the better (that sentence written right before I hit "publish post"...a bit of an oxymoron, I suppose). I need to be "the bigger person" here. That patient's parents actually told my manager that they LIKE the way I take care of their child. So, it was her suggestion to take care of their child and put all of this behind us. I think that sounds like a great idea!

Well, that took me a while to type, but I feel a lot better! Tonight was also the first episode of the new season of Medium. I LOVE that show! It's late, so good night!

Updated--I don't very often use Bible verses in my posts (probably since Catholics don't tend to quote Bible versus even though we hear them often enough), but I was curious to see what reading was in my book for today. The Psalm used is Psalm 59, which actually seems to fit with some of the events of the day. It begins with " 1 Deliver me from my enemies, O God; protect me from those who rise up against me." and later contains " 12 For the sins of their mouths, for the words of their lips, let them be caught in their pride. For the curses and lies they utter, 13 consume them in wrath, consume them till they are no more. Then it will be known to the ends of the earth that God rules over Jacob." Interesting, yes...it concludes with " 16 But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. 17 O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God."

Good night (again!)

Super Bowl Super Full

I was really excited to have Super Bowl Sunday off this year! Now, it is quite possible that I don't have a very good memory, but it feels like it has been a very long time since I have been able to go to a Super Bowl party. I called my high school friend to see if they were having people over. They weren't "technically" having a party, but said I was more than welcome to come over (and told me that I can come visit ANY time, even if they are not having a party...so nice!)

This afternoon, I had signed up to donate platelets at the Red Cross. They made sure I would not forget the appointment...I got reminders via email, snail mail and telephone...wow! It ended up being a really nice day and I started to get overwhelmed with all I needed to get done today before the party. So, I was kind of wishing that I didn't sign up, but there are people out there who need platelets, so I went. Unfortunately, my hemoglobin was a teeny tiny bit below where it needed to be to donate, so I headed on back home. Disappointed that I wouldn't be able to help someone that way today, but thankful that I was able to get the agenda for my meeting typed and emailed before the BIG game.

I have become quite fond of Kelly's Recipes since I found the link on her blog (that I was directed to because of her baby Harper). I made her Poppyseed Chicken recipe last week and today I decided to try her Spinach Dip Recipe .

I was kind of proud of how it turned out, so I had to take a picture. Unfortunately, my computer is kind of acting up and it wouldn't let me put it into Picasa for me to crop/edit, so it isn't QUITE as pretty of a picture as I wanted to post, but it works :o) Too bad there were only seven of us, and tons of other food (hence the second part of my title...I ate WAY WAY WAY too much!) so I ended up throwing a lot of it away. It was pretty tasty, but I may still be partial to my Pampered Chef Spinach-Artichoke Dip recipe.

Tomorrow we are having a pot luck (oh good reminder to make my dip before I go to bed...I almost forgot and that would NOT have been fun to do at 6:00 in the morning!) So, more eating WAY more than I should. Oh well...at least I didn't go out and buy new clothes during that one week when I lost a couple pounds!

Good night.

Just a Little Strange

First off, I did end up staying up until my "usual" 11:00ish bed time last night. I decided to set the alarm for 10:30 with the thought that I would wake up WAY before that, but maybe not actually roll out of bed until around that time. Nope, I definitely didn't wake up until my alarm went off. I must have slept kind of crazy because I still kind of had the headache I went to bed with, so I stayed in bed a little longer. (Oh the joys of living alone and working three days a week!)

I made my second attempt at French toast this week and it went MUCH better than the first. Not only did it actually taste like more like French toast, but I didn't set off the smoke detector. Yay me! The pot of coffee I made could have been a little better, but one out of two isn't bad :o)

My sister came over this afternoon to work on the scrapbook she made for her friend who had the baby. I'm not sure when I last saw my sister. So, the first thing I said was "wow, you actually look pregnant!" It is really kind of funny seeing her "look pregnant". She is sixteen weeks and looking forward to finding out what she is having. (I refrained from giving her the talk that ultrasounds are meant to be diagnostic tools not just finding out gender...sorry Kristy , I just couldn't "go there" although I did try, sort of.)

Now, onto the part that led me to title this post "Just a Little Strange". I mentioned that I was going to be baby-sitting for someone I have never met. I have talked to this woman twice. One time was when I was in California in October. The other time was earlier this week. All she knew about me was that I was a nurse who worked in Pediatrics. All I knew about her was that she had four boys, her first name, and directions to her house.

In this day and age of "crazy people", we had a significant amount of trust in the person on the other end of the phone. She even more than me, considering she was going to be leaving her CHILDREN in my care. She met me at the door, and we shook hands. She introduced me to her oldest son, "H" who happened to be eleven and we also shook hands. I met her other two kids who were there ("A" is five, "G" is nine, and "T who is seven was at a party but returned before they left). Well, hello there, my name is Amanda and I am your baby-sitter for the night. As she showed me into the kitchen, I noticed a piece of mail on the counter and quickly noted their last name just in case I would need that for future reference :o) She said, my oldest will help you out, the younger two should go to bed 8/8:30, the older two around 10, they can find something to eat. And then, basically was like "See you later" (I did meet her husband before they left...for a few minutes, I was wondering if she was a single mom...)

The boys were really good, especially considering they didn't know me from "Adam" (or Eve I suppose). Of course, they were intent into video games on the computer and their mom tells them (and me) before she leaves that they are only allowed to do that for an hour. I definitely made a number of attempts at getting them off the computer, but I had no clue where they kept their games, what kinds of things they liked to do besides play video games...and I didn't have any overly creative ideas. The younger two did show me where they kept their board games and we played those until I let them put in a movie at 8:30 (they were asleep by "9ish"...not bad for a baby-sitter, right?!). Then, I forced the other two off the computer to play the Monopoly of the 21st Century where your money is kept on a credit card and purchases are made in the millions and rent is in the tens or hundreds of thousands. It was fun and I sent them to bed about "10:30ish".

I did some of my reading for my meeting next week and they arrived home at midnight. I got a check for $50 (with only my first name, so apparently they didn't know my last name...that is more than a little strange to me, but I'm $50 richer and didn't have to work very hard for my money!)

On a different note, I called my friend from Curves on the way to baby-sit. I meant to call her this morning to see if she was doing okay, but after sleeping in, and knowing my sister was coming, I didn't have a whole lot of time to offer her. The diagnosis they got for her husband this week was stage four lung cancer with metastasis to the brain and liver. One part of the large tumor is wrapped around his trachea and pushing on his heart. Today the visiting nurse came and they are planning to do hospice care at home. I am really sad for her. I also feel like I'm not sure what to do. Not to say that I'm an "expert" on dealing with the loss of babies and children, but that is where my experience has been, and that is what kind of reading I have done. I have read about what kinds of things help, what things do not. I have talked to grieving parents. I know the loss of a child is the most horrible event imaginable. However, that doesn't really make losing your spouse "easier". I want to be as good of a friend to her in this situation as I have tried to be a good friend to those I know who have lost their children...

Maybe that is why a friend of mind gave me the book Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying around Christmas time to borrow. Little did I know where I would be right now, but something (perhaps "Someone") compelled her to share it with me.

That's a lot for one day, and now it is after 1:30. I should head to bed because the morning is technically already here!

Good night.