Full of Thanks

I was in bed for a little over 12 hours last night. For most of the time I was sleeping. I kind of feel like I could have slept even longer, but figured it was best to get up and see what today would bring (and deal with whatever that was). I slept fine and didn't wake up with any sort of pains during the night or in the morning. "Dinner" was set for one and I had originally planned to get there at noon. When it was nearly 11 by the time I was fully awake and near ready to get in the shower, I didn't think that was going to be possible...but I WOULD get there before one!

I decided to go ahead and take a Zofran before attempting to eat anything. And, I thought I should eat something at home before I went straight to Thanksgiving dinner after eating hardly anything in over 24 hours. I had a bowl of cereal before getting into the shower. By the time I was blowing my hair dry, the stomach cramping seemed to have returned, although not as "severe" as yesterday. However, they also didn't last long and I was fine by the time I got to my aunt and uncles a little before one.

What a crew we had gathered for Thanksgiving dinner. That in itself is something to be thankful for! Two grandparents. My parents, sister, and nephew (my brother-in-law had to work), four uncles, five aunts, fourteen cousins, and four cousin "significant others" makes 33 (someone counted 38, but I have counted a few times and only get 33...guess another aunt, three cousins, and a brother-in-law would have made 38...) Very fun! On my mom's side of the family, there were ten granddaughters before there was a grandson. So, us girls ruled the roost for a while and now range in age from 18-30. (Seven of the next eleven are boys ranging in age from 6-18...the oldest boy is just a couple weeks younger than the youngest of the first set of girls.) We still have a lot of fun when we get together and I am really thankful for that, especially now that I have come to realize that this is not "the norm".

I took it easy at lunch, just taking teeny tiny portions of everything to see how it went. I was fine, so tested the waters little by little and kept being fine, so ended up having a couple glasses of wine and some coffee and dessert. I never had any trouble and I am SO thankful that it was a one day deal (an expensive and not very fun one day deal, but one day only is good!)

After we ate, there was football watching and lots of conversation. Then, people found different activities to do in various "small" groups. I played some Apples to Apples and Phase 10 (I've never played that before!) others spent time flipping through the ads, playing pool or poker, or simply chit-chatting. It was just a wonderful day!

I have decided not to join the small group who is heading to Kohl's at 4 AM since that is only a little more than 3 hours from now and there isn't anything that I, or anyone on my Christmas list, needs at that hour. My sister wants to go shopping after 10 some time since that is when my nephew will go to be with his grandparents. That is much more reasonable, although may still not be that easy considering how late it is now and how long I slept last night!

My cousin who lives in New York and her boyfriend are staying with me tonight and tomorrow night. It is fun to have a place they can stay that I am now proud to call my own. After my kitchen/living room updates this fall, it really does feel more like home and I love it!

Not only am I thankful to have such a wonderful family, I am also full of thanks for all the wonderful friends I have been given. I can't imagine life without these very special people...for each one has played a role in who I am now, and I hope will be there wherever the road takes me from here.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Good night.

Trip to the ER

Yep, it's true. I went to the ER this afternoon. I didn't really want to go. I'm not looking forward to seeing how much my visit cost...

I suppose I should start at the beginning...because that's always a good place to start!

I received a phone call at 5:00 this morning to see if I wanted to stay home. I didn't think I had enough PTO, plus I have a student working with me and so I declined. And then I went back to sleep. I didn't get up until about 6:10 which is a bit late, but I couldn't get up any earlier. In that hour, I had a crazy dream (or, more than one...I can only remember one, but it was crazy!). It took place at work. One of the nurses (who just "happened" to work today) admitted a patient to the bath tub room per family request (I know, weird). Apparently, I got into the bathtub when there was water in it. Not exactly sure what happened from there except that I was wandering around the halls without any clothing from the waist up. Yeah, a couple times I put my hands over my breasts as if that would help, but seriously walking around my floor half-naked. Then, it was one of those dreams where you wake up from the dream, but not really wake up from the dream because you were dreaming within the dream. Bizarre.

Well, when I finally decided to roll out of bed, I did NOT feel well at all. But, I thought maybe I was headed toward the "heavy day" of my period this month and was just nauseous because of that. I had to REALLY hustle to get ready and left later than I have ever left for work but still made it there on time...feeling like crap, but there.

My student and I were assigned pretty "easy" patient who all had moms there with them (shocker for my floor, unfortunately). My student is great and she again took two patients and helped me with the third. I'm not exactly sure of the timing, but around 9:00 the nausea was pretty much gone but it was replaced by intermittent abdominal pain. The pain was kind of sharp, but not really like a knife sharp, but it came on abruptly and would pass pretty quickly when I took some deep breaths (or "blew it out") and stopped what I was doing. It happened randomly, but I did feel better when I sat down or just let it pass. I felt yucky, but still felt like I was able to take care of my patients as long as I took breaks. I know that I'm a "wuss" and that the pain I was feeling was nothing like postoperative or cancer pain or really any pain my patients experience. It hurt, I didn't feel well, but perspective wise, I was "okay".

Throughout the day, the charge nurse kept asking if I needed to leave. I didn't want to leave because really, I was pretty "okay" as long as I could take little breathers for the pain to pass. I ate a couple crackers and an apple and drank some Sprite at lunch and tried to make sure I was drinking water. I was willing to "tough it out" knowing that 7:30 would eventually come and I'd be able to come home to my couch...I was going to be okay, I really was.

Then, my student thought my "cramps" were coming more frequently and worse. So, around 3:45, I made a call to the clinic where I have hardly gone since I am NEVER sick. They didn't have any openings and the nurse told me to page the resident who was going to be coming on at 5 to come see me (I did and he thought that was the stupidest idea because it wasn't like he could actually treat me on the floor while I was working!). By this point, one of the pediatric residents was on the floor and I told her what was going on even though I'm not a pediatric patient and she couldn't do anything. She was concerned that I was "guarding" and thought I needed to go to the ER. Then, an infectious disease doctor came on the unit and she completely freaked out that I had been having intermittent abdominal pain all day long. She pretty much demanded I call the charge nurse to come take my patients and let me go to the ER. I immediately started crying because my stomach did hurt pretty bad (to be honest, I was thinking gas pain, maybe some kind of constipation type issue, something that really wasn't a big deal, just annoying) but also because I have no idea how much an ER visit is and I have a pile of bills just waiting for me to pay when Friday rolls around and I get paid.

However, I was really left no choice because there wasn't any way they were going to let me continue working and since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I couldn't schedule an appointment to see someone in an office tomorrow.

So, down to the ER I went. They got me right in (maybe my scrubs helped!) and my initial blood pressure was 144/94...anxious much?! Of course they checked my urine (including a pregnancy screen which is a little annoying because HELLO I'm having my period and well...I know what kinds of things you'd have to do to become pregnant...) It was actually funny to put on a hospital gown after my dream from the morning because I really did take off my shirt (I obviously put on ANOTHER one and left my bra on, but it was still funny).

I got some blood taken and they gave me a drink that was mylanta mixed with viscous lidocaine which was supposed to numb the GI tract and decrease the pain. Of course, I was laying there with my eyes closed while I waited for the meds and the pain pretty much disappeared and I was SO annoyed because I was paying for this visit and now it was gone. But, it came back when the nurse brought my "drink" and a little bit after I took my second trip to the bathroom. However, my labs were fine, I didn't have a fever, it didn't appear to be appendix related...plus, being still made things better. So, I was sent home with some zofran for nausea (even though my nausea was pretty much gone, I took some after I picked it up from the pharmacy) and the recommendation to watch my intake of fatty foods and not to eat too much tomorrow. The thought is that it could potentially be a gall bladder there. I'm still thinking it is more likely that it is "gas pains" or something like that, but I will do what I can with the fatty foods, but Thanksgiving will not be Thanksgiving without all the junk, so I'll have to "play it by ear".

The pain started up again as soon as I left the ER which was frustrating, but it is what it is. I've been sitting on the couch for about an hour and feel "okay". I drank some "vitamin water" and am thinking I may try to eat a little something before I go to bed. I don't have to be at my aunt and uncles until noon, so that will be nice. I was going to make some pumpkin bars or something, but that isn't going to happen tonight (my mom said my cousin was making some anyway). I have ingredients for a couple dips, so maybe I can bring those.

Not QUITE as exciting as my only other trip to the ER which was in 1999 in New York City when I fell trying to run up the down escalator at the Warner Brothers store. Even though that obviously was my fault, they paid for the ambulance ride, the stitches, and everything. You shouldn't try to go up down escalators...lesson learned.

Well, this isn't exactly the Thanksgiving post I was thinking I would write. But, I AM super thankful that my pain didn't require immediate surgery which left me in the hospital unable to eat ANYTHING on Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving...it's only 9:30, but I should head to bed.
Good night.

Gratefulness

"Gratitude is something of which none of us can give too much. For on the smiles, the thanks we give, our little gestures of appreciation, our neighbors build their philosophy of life." ~A.J. Cronin

"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." ~Johannes A. Gaertner

"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse." ~Henry Van Dyke

"Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts." ~Henri Frederic Amiel

These are just a few of the many quotes I gathered at my retreat last Thursday. I'm a big fan of quotes :o) It really was a "Blessed Day" and I'm glad I took some notes because apparently my memory isn't that great!

In the three years I have attended this "A Time to be Grateful", there have been three different facilitators. This year, it was two nurses who gave the same/similar presentation this spring to a group of nurses. I wasn't sure what to expect, so brought a bag filled with things to read/reflect on in case there was "down time". This was the structure last year and I really liked that. This year had more of a presentation/small group discussion/activity structure which worked too, but it was different.

We opened with an ice breaker activity where we had to find people to sign our "BINGO" sheet with things like "play the piano", "has a sister", "knows how to use an iPod". I will admit that I didn't really meet people during that activity, though, since we were just passing around papers. However, since everyone was old enough to be my mom or grandma, they looked to me for the iPod box :o)

After that, we met in the chapel for the opening prayer. I liked this excerpt from "The Cup of Our Life" by Joyce Rupp, O.S.M.--"Memory enables us to recall our blessings (our touches of God), to give thanks for them, and to grow because of them. Our ability to remember is a precious gift. It is in remembering our blessings that our hearts are filled with gratitude. Without memory we would be unable to savor the good things that have happened to us and for us. Without memory we would be unable to be healed from past painful situations." We all thought about a memory and each lit a candle on the altar. It was really nice.

Then, one of the facilitators did a little presentation about gratitude and gratefulness. She talked about how little acts of kindness can go a long way, we watched an "Appreciation" video which reminded us to "thank someone who has touched your life--TODAY". I found myself nodding my head a lot during this part because this is something that I have tried to do for a long time. I know how wonderful it feels when I am appreciated. I know how much of a difference a kind word or gesture can make, especially when I'm having a crappy day. I'm sure there is always room for improvement, but if I even THINK about saying thanks, I do it. I love writing thank-you notes. I enjoy making people feel special.

We met in small groups of four and discussed the question "What is the smallest gift you've ever been given for which you are grateful?" It was hard for me to come up with one thing because my life is FILLED with little moments that I choose to be grateful for (okay this sounds too good to be true, but seriously, I try very hard to be the "shining light"...oh my, that is so cheesy...and I hope it's true!) Later, our small group discussed the question "What have you been given in your life that appeared to be a tragedy but became a blessing?" I had quite a few examples of that too, mostly because of what I do for a living and because of the people God has chosen to place in my path who have an amazing ability to see the beauty in the little things that has rubbed off on me :o) (Um, yeah so I seriously did want to throw my work phone and am not sure how many times I said "For the love of Pete" out of frustration with the craziness of the day today, so maybe I'm not so good at finding blessings in the little things...ha!)

We had lunch together and then had about an hour to do what we wanted. It ended up being an nice November day. I wanted to walk down to the water or into the woods, but couldn't do that AND walk the labyrinth. Since I did the labyrinth the past two years and really enjoyed that reflection time, I decided that I would be disappointed later if I didn't take this opportunity. I had never heard of this type of Labyrinth prior to two years ago, but would recommend to anyone to take the opportunity to walk one if it is available. Three years, three themes (I did write about my "labyrinth experience" the other two times). Two years ago I really needed to slow down. Last year, I learned that you need to put one foot in front of the other, live in the moment because looking too far ahead or back doesn't help...

This year, it was really quiet. There weren't really any leaves left on the trees and there was hardly a breeze to rustle any that were left. Every once in a while, I could hear a chirping bird, but mostly it was quiet. Only one other person was walking the labyrinth and she started a little while before I did. At one point, we were walking next to each other in stride, but not really, because she was on an entirely different part of the path. There was a pile of leaves in a portion of the path and I had to stop and look closely to make sure I continued on the correct path.

As I walked, I contemplated my life as it is. I am content. I feel fulfilled. I have my own mission, my own ministry, my own path, and I am grateful for that. I love what I do--not just in my job, but in my life. Even though some day it would be great to be a mom, (and a wife), right now, this life I am living is SO blessed and wonderful that I think a part of me doesn't want this ever to change...

I sat on the bench in the middle of the labyrinth for a little while. I ended up walking out pretty quickly since it was time for the next session (and I had to go to the bathroom!). However, I did have to wipe some tears from my eyes as I thought about this day. Here I was with a dozen other women who kept calling me the "young one". Sure, I reminded them that I AM 30 and not 15, but really, being the "young one" was SO refreshing. I wasn't the old single one without kids. In fact, not once did any of those women mention anything of the sort. It was so great to be myself, be who I am, share my stories like that. It was kind of weird that a number of them "thanked" me for being there and for sharing, but even that was really nice too. It was heartwarming that these women saw me simply as someone who is enjoying life, making a difference in this life, the most of what I have been given, and not at all "missing out" because of the choices I have made...I am so grateful for this. It may sound simple, but even my sister's well meaning text message on Wednesday letting me know that eharmony was having a free weekend was hard to deal with...

(The swing where I sat with my notebook thinking about what

I learned from the labyrinth this year.)


(A cool statue)

I dropped off jewelry from my party before choir practice that night. Two of the girls I baby-sat came to my party, but their mom could not. When I dropped off the jewelry, she invited me in for a glass of wine. She and I had a very nice visit, including discussing some of the things I thought about during my "alone time". It was so special to sit there with someone I have known for a LONG time, but not necessarily in that capacity. I started baby-sitting her kids when I was eleven, but before that, I used to walk by their house just to see if the kids were outside so I could play with them :o) There is history there, but I'm not sure we have ever had a one-on-one like that and that was a beautiful blessing to end the "Day to be Grateful".

(I almost forgot, we made "gratitude books" filled with quotes...it was a nice "craft" that was pretty much done for us, we just had to pick quotes, glue them to the pages, and add stickers if we wanted...my kind of activity!)

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?" ~Jack Kornfield

"Express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you truly appreciate life and you'll find that you have more of it." ~Ralph Marston

"The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. She who has learned this knows what it means to live. She has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything." ~Albert Schweitzer

Thank someone who has touched your life...today.
Thank you and good night.

LOVE Him

I can't believe he will be five months old this Wednesday! He is getting so big! I was going to write about my retreat, but decided these pictures I took today would be a good since they were ready to post and my reflection on the retreat will take a little longer. (By the way, yes I am wearing my "Team Isaac and Asher" shirt that was designed by Ginger...it was the closest thing I had to cheer on the Steelers, plus the 22nd is special since both Asher and I were born on the 22nd.) Enjoy :o)

Back to work tomorrow.
Good night.

Dozing Off

I cannot BELIEVE how tired I have been the past couple nights! It is nearly midnight and I cannot keep my eyes open to type about the retreat, even though I REALLY want to get it all written down before I forget anything! I did spend a little bit of time on Picnik.com messing around with the pictures I took, so that was fun, but I was dozing off in between the button pressing so decided enough was enough. As I posted yesterday, everyone really liked this angel statue. I forgot to upload this one last night, but thought I should share the whole thing. It really was neat, and that was the centerpiece of our "discussion area" and there were posters with gratitude-related quotes around it.

It was really busy at work today. And, I started to feel myself getting pretty crabby and not really wanting to listen to my student's questions. This was only her second week, so I felt bad about that and hopefully my non-verbals did not scream that I was done feeling like teaching for the day. I love to teach, but I have a hard enough time when it is "crisis mode" and I'm alone, so trying to talk while it is happening was not working well for me today. I was grateful for all of her help because it would have been much harder to manage without being able to delegate tasks to her. However, a couple times I just wanted to "shush" her so I could hear myself think (That was a suggestion given to me at last year's performance evaluation--when it gets crazy, I need to do a mental list [or a written one] so it doesn't get overwhelming for me. A couple times, there was too much "noise" for me to create a list which just caused extra stress for me...)

I have many reasons to be thankful that I have the next two days off work!

I didn't get my second coat of paint on today, so will have to do that in the morning. I asked my aunt to come help me after my sister's jewelry party, but I'm thinking she was willing to help with touch-ups and questions and didn't expect to be participating in painting the second coat...

Well, I do keep dozing off in the middle of thoughts, so better sleep!
Good night!

Blessed Day

I wanted to write about today while all the details were fresh in my mind, but I'm just too tired to do that. I stayed up WAY too late for some reason after drinking a huge glass of wine ("had" to finish the bottle...) Then, it was really tough getting up this morning. The retreat was to start at 8:30 and I figured it would take me maybe 30-35 minutes to get there so I wanted to leave at 7:45ish. Well, I don't think I rolled out of bed until 7:30 and was pulling out of the drive through of the coffee shop near my house at 8. I was kind of freaking out about being late and annoyed with myself because there is no reason to be late when I only am responsible for myself to be ready to go. I wasn't that far from home when I noticed that the car in front of me had an organ donation awareness sticker. I thought that was neat, but didn't make it around to see who was in the car...and I followed that car the rest of the way to the retreat that is pretty much in the middle of no where that only 12 people attended...I followed that car for at least 10, if not 15 miles...SO weird!

It was the third different set of presenters for this "A Time to Be Grateful" retreat, so I was looking forward to their perspective. As it turned out, both of them are nurses, they gave this presentation to nurses earlier this spring, and I have hung out with the daughter of one of the presenters a couple times since she worked a temp job at my mom's company. Another woman lives up the street from my parents. One of the women goes to my church and was at the retreat two years ago. One of them has a daughter who used to work on my floor at the hospital. I recognized one of the women from last year.

There were many comments on the angel, so I had to take a picture. I thought I took one of her face too, but didn't see it when I was quickly scrolling through. When I do my "real post" about the retreat, I will include pictures (I'm not a "photographer", but I do enjoy taking pictures! :o) )

I already knew that I have a lot to be grateful for, but today was filled with blessings and more reasons to be grateful. Back to work tomorrow (and hopefully getting the second coat of paint in my living room finished!)
Good night.

Life Changes, Gratitude Does Not

In the morning, I will head 22 miles west to a retreat center for the third November in a row. A lot has changed the past two years. I linked to my post from that first retreat a couple days ago in this post. I don't recall everything that was going on in my life at that time, but from the tone of my post, it was kind of a sad time, or at least a time of transition. That day gave me an opportunity to release pent-up emotions that I obviously needed. Last year, I was in a different place emotionally, but still got emotional thinking about all the things I was grateful for. I was given some wonderful personal prayer times away from the distractions at home and work. I am looking forward to finding out what God has in store for me at this retreat. I'm thinking I should leave my cell phone in my car because I have grown quite attached to my phone and checking email, facebook, twitter, and sending texts and updating statuses that it might just be too tempting if it is close. It ONLY goes from 8:30-3, so any "emergencies" should be able to wait, right?!

"Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way."~Native American prayer
________________________
This morning, I randomly found myself feeling sad that I didn't have Ginger take any pictures with me in them--not alone, not with my sister, not with my sister, none. I don't know why that thought never crossed my mind in the four days she was here, but it didn't. It is what it is, though, and I DO have four "snap shots", and many memories that film couldn't have captured anyway...and for that, I am grateful.

I took care of a really sick baby with a respiratory infection yesterday. Today, that baby was doing MUCH better. I confronted a med student about "meddling" in the care I was trying to give my patient. I am grateful that I have become confident enough in my nursing and skills to be able to "confront" someone like that instead of letting it fester. (I am also grateful to take care of a kid who may never have to come to the hospital again and won't remember this visit.)

I got a box with all the jewelry that was ordered from my party. I can't believe I haven't sorted through it all yet to find my new jewelry! I am grateful that so many of my friends/family were able to come and that I was able to get some gifts for free :o)

The 9-month-old daughter of my sister's best friend from high school had her third heart surgery today. She just posted on her fb page that the surgery went great. I am grateful.

A good friend at work lost her father-in-law today after only being in hospice about a week. I am grateful to be in a position to say if that if she needs ANYTHING, to let me know, and mean it. I am grateful that all four of my grandparents are still living and are very important people in my life.

I have a warm bed waiting for me on this cool November night. I am grateful for that, and should head there shortly!
Good night.

Thoughtfulness

I don't have too much to write about tonight. It was a really busy day at work and I was thankful to have a nursing student to help me take care of my patients. One of my three patients was really sick and I was worried about her all day long and it was great to be able to "delegate" other things to someone I trusted to do them well/correctly. It was only her fourth day with me, but she is doing very well :o)

I got this quote in my "inbox" today--
"If there were one word that could act as a standard of conduct for one's entire life, perhaps it would be 'thoughtfulness.'"
~Confucius--Chinese Philosopher and Teacher

I liked this especially because, more than a couple of times, I have been told that I am "the most thoughtful person"...guess I'm simply doing what "Confucius Says". ;o)

I agree that thoughtfulness makes a huge difference in good times and in hard times. I love sending cards, especially Hallmark ones (If I was more creative, I totally would want to work at Hallmark because they are the best! They have cards for EVERYTHING!) At a risk of sounding conceited, I also would have to agree that thoughtfulness is a gift that I have been able to use well. I pay attention, and usually am pretty good at remembering important incidents/dates (I will admit to be slacking a bit in that department recently...not really in the "remembering", but in doing something to let others know that I am remembering.)

There probably is a whole long post I could write about thoughtfulness, and maybe I should have just left it at the quote without any discussion. But, it is what it is...
Good night!

Painting Again

If I wasn't so tired, maybe I could come up with some kind of inspirational post about fresh coats of paint or something, but I'm not going to even try to "go there" tonight...ha!

When I purchased the paint for my kitchen, I also bought paint for the living room. My cousin was with me and helped me decide on a greenish color called "Kiwi Kissed" (if you recall, my softball team is the "Kiwis" and, even though we are the "bird" NOT the "fruit", it still works!) I was all painted out after the three coats it took to do my kitchen in late September. Then, I got my floors, went to Montral and then to Vegas and then Ginger came to visit...but, if I waited any longer it would be Thanksgiving and then Christmas and into the New Year...so, I decided this was the week it needed to get done.

Now I remember how much work it is to paint! It took me a solid two hours to get the room ready before I could even begin to open the can of paint! Maybe I'm just slow, but I had to move all the furniture (most of it to the middle of the room, but some of it to other rooms). Then, I had to tape the ceiling and around the baseboards. As I went along taping, I used a wet washcloth to wash the walls and baseboards and wipe away the cob webs. Since I am very much "vertically challenged", this all required lots of ups and downs of the ladder. I was tired even before I started painting!

But, the "cutting" went pretty well and the rolling was even easier, especially when I saw how pretty the color looked on the walls. Of course, it doesn't look so good with the couches I have, but maybe I can get some sheets or something to cover them until I get different couches :o) I really wish I could afford to rip up the carpet and fix up whatever kind of floors are under it because the kitchen floors look SO great, but that's a can of worms I definitely shouldn't open right now!

I bought a couple things for the wall from my uppercase living party, and have some frames for pictures. I also may be ready to have my aunt be done storing "my" piano since there will be a spot for it in my "new" living room. So, I have lots of exciting ideas for this space :o) It is really fun that my house is starting to be my home (after nearly three years of "owning" it and over six years of living here, it's about time!) Everyone who has seen the kitchen has complimented me on it which just feels great. Hopefully there will be more of the same when I get my living room looking nice. Then, maybe my "playroom" and my "guest room" won't be my favorite places in the house...yeah, the places I never go are my "favorites"...ha!

Back to work for the next two days. A student nurse started working with me last week who will be graduating in December. Apparently it is REALLY hard to find nursing jobs right now, so I am grateful that I am not in the market for a new job! She is really nice and asks really good questions...she even questioned something I was going to do out of "habit" that made me go "hmm", maybe I SHOULDN'T do that, good idea! I usually enjoy having students with me because it helps me remember why I love what I do and can share my excitement with them. I like teaching them and sharing what I have learned during the past 7 1/2 years, especially those things that you do not learn in school.

I'm not sure if I'll put the second coat on tomorrow after work or wait until Wednesday after work (leaning toward Wednesday at this point since I'm definitely feeling some soreness in my back already...plus tomorrow is Biggest Loser night!)

Good night.

Worth Repeating

I was talking to Kristy on facebook the other day and she shared that November 15, 2007 was the day they found out their fourth son's brain was not growing as it should (she wrote about the significance of that date, and today in this post). Out of curiosity, I flipped back in my blog to see what I was doing on that day two years ago. What I found was not at all what I expected...not sure what I expected, but definitely not that! Even though I knew nothing about them, nothing about what they would be facing, I'm thinking some of my prayers that day were meant for them. That day, two years ago, I attended a Thanksgiving retreat. I will be attending my "third annual" Thanksgiving retreat this coming Thursday and am really looking forward to that.

Re-reading that post last night was so interesting to me. Apparently I was having a tough time emotionally and that retreat was the getaway I needed. I still struggle with some of the things I wrote about then, but reading about where I was then and how much that experience taught me was a nice perspective.

Since that post was so interesting, I was curious about last year's November 15th post. Now, that one wasn't NEARLY as thought-provoking, not at ALL. (I'll link to it, but pretty much all I wrote about in that post was the fact that I couldn't stop eating all day...exciting post, I know!) However, when I was flipping through posts, I found that on November 13, 2008 (my 400th post!), Kristy changed her blog-header to show there was going to be another Baby Bolte :o)

I also found this post/story written around the same time that I thought was worth repeating. I would never call myself a "gifted writer", but every once in a while I come up with some things that make sense ;o) I liked the perspective I wrote about here (and still believe it to be true) so will post it in it's entirety.
Originally posted November 11, 2008

Bearing Crosses

Today, a friend shared a story she read recently that really spoke to her (she obviously was touched by it enough to share it with me!) She may end up sharing the story as well, but I think she would be okay if I do too.

Not sure if I will tell it as well as she did, but here it is:
There was a man who was carrying this HUGE cross. He did not think he could carry it any longer. So, he told God he just couldn't do it any more. God told the man he could go into a room full of crosses and pick a different one to carry. When the man entered the room, he saw TONS of crosses, REALLY big ones. Finally, way in the back he found a small cross. He told God that he wanted to choose that one. God told the man it was the same one he had left behind.

Wow!

She then told me how this story impacted her and really put things into perspective. For me, it put things into perspective, but in a different way.

My own cross is SO small. I don't know why God has blessed me like that, but it is true. In fact, on most days, I could probably carry my cross in one hand, sometimes maybe as easily as a potato chip between two fingers. Of course, it may have taken me a while to realize how blessed I am, but the whole time I was listening to the story, this is where my mind went. For "whatever reason" (I have an idea or two!), right now in my life, God has decided to give me a small cross. I know He can choose to change that at any moment, and I will learn to be okay with it if that happens (or at least find some way to deal with whatever comes my way! He has also decided to bless me with wonderful people in my life!)

Even though this story really put things into perspective for me in a concrete way today, I think deep down I already knew this. Because God has given me such a little cross, I have an amazing opportunity to help make the crosses of others feel a little lighter. I can BE a "stretcher bearer". I can "carry mats". I can catch people from falling, or pick them up if they do, putting my cross in my pocket if I need both hands... I can, because He has done this for me. He has blessed me, so that I may be able to bless others.

This is the most wonderful feeling and it just brings tears to my eyes. Some people say I have been given a "gift". If that is indeed the case, then "by golly" I'm going to use it! :o) What I do know is that I have been blessed beyond measure. Sometimes I don't even consider what I do as blessing people, because I really just do what comes natural, or "feels right". If, however, that feels like a blessing to them and I can pay forward some of what I have been blessed with, then that is "bonus".

In any case, gift or not, I am who I am because God made me this way, and has given me so many people to teach me how to love and care for others. He has given me people to remind me to find blessings in the little things, and perspective on how great my life truly is.

Prayers to all those people who are feeling their cross is too hard to bear, that they may be blessed with someone to help lighten the load. Prayers too that they know Jesus is always there.

Good night.

Just a year has passed since I first wrote that, but I have been given SO many blessings since then. I can't even count on one hand (maybe not even on two hands!) the number of VERY special people He has brought into my life since then! He has continued to give me the opportunity to bless others, and I am so very grateful to have that "gift". I love that I wrote "I am who I am" because that is one of the "themes" of my counseling sessions...being comfortable and happy with who I am enough not to feel the need to "defend" myself.

Well, I have tomorrow off and really need to do some work things...they won't take long at all if I stay focused! I also want to start painting my living room so it is done before my cousins come to stay with me next week. So, I should head to bed.
Good night (2009 version!)

Tiers/Tears

I went to see my counselor Wednesday. I hadn't been in a while since I went to Vegas and then was busy all last week. So, we had a lot to talk about. This counselor is such a blessing to me! I am really pretty comfortable talking to her, and she listens very well (guess she chose the right career...ha!). From the first moment I walked in there, she has been working to "figure me out". We are on this journey together, and I really feel like she thinks about me in between visits, and is determined to help me. My "situation" is not black and white. I am not dealing with an acute issue. There isn't "one thing" that brought me to her office. It is my whole life--the way things are and the way things have been. In one-hour increments, I have been sharing myself, who I am, what I do, and together we are learning. Of course, I cry every time, even when I go in thinking that I won't (this week was NOT one of those days...I'd been crying on and off since Saturday, so there was no chance that I was going to hold them in!)

Each time when she says something that seems to hit the mark, it brings me to tears, but also makes SO much more sense there than when I get home and try to repeat it. The same thing happened this week, but it has been a couple days, so maybe I have processed it better.

This week, since I was coming off a visit with Ginger, I talked a lot about that. I shared the story of "how we met" which started right here in "blogosphere". Reading one blog led to another, which led to another, which eventually led me to Kristy and then to Ginger (and either in between or since, this here blog has brought others of you who are reading right now!). How amazing is that?! It just blows me away (and, of course often brings tears to my eyes, but today I must have been too tired for teary-eyed moments, but this is the first time since SATURDAY that I haven't cried!)

Anyway, after I shared this story, she said something like "NOW I understand you even better!" My life here, the honesty, the openness, the support, the friendship, is on a different "tier" than say my family "tier", my work "tier", and all the other "tiers" that I have. And, really, besides the fact that Ginger came here and met some people in the other tiers, they are still pretty separate. My response was a teary well no WONDER I'm all messed up, I'm living multiple separate lives. Of course she didn't agree with that completely, but said that my tears (some of them anyway) probably DO come from the tiers.

[okay, so I thought I was making progress on explaining all of this tier/tear thing and seem to have hit a road block...]

Some of the sadness is because "folks" in the other tiers do not understand this tier at all. Lately, though, the tears I have, especially the ones in "therapy" are cleansing tears. They are not sobbing so hard I can't breathe tears. They are tears that fill my eyes until my eyes can no longer hold them and they roll gently down my cheeks and drip off my chin (well, unless I catch them!) I don't think it is news to anyone who knows me that I care about people...and I care about people A LOT! When people I know and love are hurting, I would have to fight pretty hard for it not to affect me too. And, considering I work with sick kids, I am constantly in contact with people who are hurting/sad. But, because of this, I am also able to find joy in the little things, appreciate the small stuff, see the blessing in (most) every person whose path crosses mine (or at least try and see the lesson they were put here to teach me!)

[So, this is a work in progress, but it totally made sense when she used this visual for me on Wednesday.] I guess the attendees of my party on Wednesday night illustrate my "tiers" better than anything else I have tried to say--my mom/sister/nephew, my aunt/three cousins, my grandma, two girls I baby-sat when they were LITTLE and are now a college graduate and a high school sophomore, a woman whose children I baby-sat (who had a daughter with Trisomy 18 that did not make it to birth when I was in junior high school...I have never forgotten), a woman who worked in media relations at my hospital who now works at a different hospital that I started talking to after I wrote her a thank you note for a great story she did, a girl who has been working on my floor for a year, one of my best friends from high school, and my friend from Curves. Some of them knew each other, most of them did not. As different as they are, no matter what "tier" they came from, they have ME in common, and they came to my party and had fun (my living room was FULL!)

Yesterday I had a lazy day, but also was pretty emotional concerned about one of my friends (she is fine, but it was one of those things that it took me a long time to figure out how to regroup/refocus...and then I had to go to a meeting and choir practice!) I stayed up until nearly 1:00 so I could catch advance "sneak peeks" of some pictures Ginger took last week. My 5:30 alarm came very early (plus, I got a 5AM call to see if I wanted to stay home which I reluctantly declined) but it was worth it. I wasn't TOO crabby today, but really should have gone to bed hours ago. Instead, I went to a party at the home of my "friend from Curves" (who told me I needed to start introducing her as my friend whose husband died...um, I don't think so!) and then HAD to check facebook and then I had to put up a blog post. Now it is nearing midnight and I work tomorrow...good thing I have a nursing student with me who will help me stay focused and be on my best behavior ;o)

No tears today, but tears ARE okay in my world :o)
Good night.

Third Time's a Charm?

“We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other. To meet, to love, to share. It is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. If we share with caring, lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance and joy for each other, and this moment will have been worthwhile." - Deepak Chopra
This quote came in my "inbox" today. I found it interesting, but even after reading it a number of times today, I am still wondering if I completely understand the message...but, worth sharing anyway!

I'm actually thinking that the third time may NOT be the charm, but I'm at least going to try to make some sense tonight! For the third day in a row I find my eyes filling with tears every time I think about how to put my feelings into words. I have no idea why I am so emotional about this, but at least one person doesn't think this is weird (thanks Kristy!)

So, I'm going to suck it up and try to type something, even if I have to keep a tissue next to the keyboard...

Maybe starting with "the facts" will help keep my emotions in check...not holding my breath, but worth a shot! (Hopefully if I don't get my "facts" straight, Ginger will come correct me...ha!)

Thursday--I had a work meeting from 930-1130. I was nervous about it earlier in the week because I was preparing for some conflict/confrontation and was not at all looking forward to it. However, I forgot that the conflict creating people are no longer on the committee and my manager couldn't come to the meeting, so it actually went very well. Ginger's flight was scheduled to land at 1240, so I stopped by the grocery store to get the flowers, filled up my car with gas, and headed to the airport. When I saw how blue the sky was, I tried to hustle because I figured the flight would land early with such nice weather. Sure enough, by the time I got to the area before the security gate, the plane was in range and landed shortly after that. She was in the back of the plane, so I had to look at a lot of faces before I saw hers (we HAVE met before and I've seen her picture, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tiny bit nervous that for some reason I wouldn't recognize her right away...or couldn't see her behind the person in front of her and make it SEEM like I didn't know who she was!)

After we picked up her bag, we headed to my house to relax for a little while before getting a late lunch at a restaurant I like and my sister suggested. After lunch, we went to my sister's house. She met my sister, one of my cousins, my sister's sister-in-law, my nephew, and his cousin. She photographed the babies and I got to be her assistant :o) She also took photographs of my sister's friend's baby/family at a different location. This is the friend whose baby was SO sick this year. She is doing much better and wore a cute little tutu for some of the pictures :o)

It was a long day, so we only visited for a little while after we got back to my house since neither of us could keep our eyes open!

Friday--If it looks like Thursday was busy, that was nothing compared to Friday! Friday morning, we went to brunch with a friend from work. It was a long brunch since all of us are "talkers", but it was a good time (and yummy food...I sort of wish I would have ordered the waffle instead of the French Toast though because Ginger's food looked amazing...next time I go there, that's what I'll have to get!) Since the weather here was a LOT warmer than she had planned, we went in search of flip flops and short-sleeved shirts. I brought her to the nearly abandoned, "only visit in the day time" type mall that has a Target attached. She found stuff that would work and we were off for an afternoon of "visiting". I brought her to my work and introduced her to one of my favorite people on the transplant team. We talked to her for a while and then I gave her a tour of the unit (she got to meet a couple of my patients, some parents, and co-workers). From there, we went to my high school where we got a pretty thorough tour and she met quite a few MORE people! We then went across the street to my elementary school where she met the first grade teacher who teaches "1B" since Ginger's daughter is in "1B" at her school. She was my 3rd and 6th grade teacher :o)

By this time, we were late meeting up with my sister downtown and my sister was not too happy with me. But, she seemed to get over it pretty quickly and didn't take her frustration with me out on Ginger :o) (Ginger was prepared to deal with that...ha!) We went to a couple different places downtown for their Christmas photographs and my nephew looked SO cute in his little hat :o)

After they left, my "friend from Curves" met us downtown for dinner, and then we walked around for a little while since it was nice. And THEN, we met up with my parents at the horse race track and put in our dollars...none of our horses won, though, so that was disappointing. My mom brought her "nice self" and I gave her the "universal chocolate chip pancake look" and she agreed to make us some in the morning :o)

Pretty sure after ALL that we didn't stay up for very long after we got home. {Ging...is this helping you understand why you were so tired?! It is pretty exhausting just typing it all!}

Saturday--My mom got her nail appointment changed from the afternoon to the morning, so we took our time getting ready for brunch. My sister, brother-in-law and nephew were there for brunch too and my parents' neighbor (the one who came to Vegas) came over to meet Ginger. I love chocolate chip pancakes :o)

We met my sister's sister-in-law (or, my brother-in-law's sister...however you want to say it) and her family downtown for more photographs. It was during this session that my emotions went crazy and I was unable to hold back the tears. Her boyfriend has a five-year-old and it was so much fun watching Ginger work with him during the session. He quickly trusted her and they had a fun time together. It was SO sweet! I think the tears came because that is what I hope it looks like if someone was watching ME work. It was like looking in the mirror, only a little different. She LOVES kids like I LOVE kids. Kids are our passion. Kids are what we do!

I stood there watching and thinking about how this happened. It was overwhelming to try and wrap my head around it all...so I just cried! How did an amazing woman like this who lives over 1000 miles away not only become MY friend, but come to care about me enough to leave behind her husband and kids to come hang out with me for four days?! Not only that, but how is it that someone so "random" can feel like someone you have known forever?! When I was cleaning, I found a note from February 20 with Ginger's name and phone number on it. I don't even remember if I called it then, but I definitely had no idea what the next few months had in store for me/us! I mean, I knew right away that I would like her because of where her heart was, but had no clue it would go any further than just letting her know that I thought she was an amazing friend (and now she is MY amazing friend too!) At one point during the weekend, she said we were "two peas in a pod"...of course that makes me cry too...because, that is really sweet (and I'm a "crier"...lol) ;o) Our personalities just "click"...there is nothing "random" about it, and to see, to feel God working in my life like this is so awesome.

(Okay, that paragraph took me like an hour to type and still doesn't make much sense...sheesh!) After those pictures, she and I walked around downtown until it was time to go to Mass. We had wanted to go to Mass when we were in Chicago but discovered the church was closed for a wedding after we ran (literally) halfway across town. It was a different experience for both of us since I usually go to Mass alone, and she had never been without her kids. But, we were there together and it was SO nice.

After Mass, we relaxed at my house for a while before grabbing dinner on the way to my aunt and uncle's house. Before I went to Chicago, this aunt made a call to Ginger so she was "comfortable" with me making the trip (I didn't ask permission, but it was nice to have her blessing!). So, she wanted to meet her while she was in town. From there, we went to my high school friend's house for a little while, but didn't get home until around 1130. Another long day, especially since we ended up talking for a while longer after we got back to my house!

Sunday--Her flight left in the morning, but not too early, so we got to sleep in a little bit and grab coffee/pastries from my favorite coffee shop on the way to the airport. Unfortunately, neither of us double-checked her flight time and I thought it was 1140, when really it was 1120! The airport here is small, so you don't usually have to get there very early, but I definitely should have gotten her there before 1045/1100! I felt TERRIBLE, but she made her flight and didn't say anything about having baggage trouble later... I totally cried when she left which is kinda weird since I don't (usually) cry when my family/other friends leave, but it is what it is. She then went to a training session/meet and greet for the work she does with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (she was one of 52 photographers CHOSEN to go...I am SO proud of her!)

Thanks for an amazing time, Ginger! I am SO very blessed that God led me to you (or you to me) :o)

Well, I guess that works...maybe third time WAS a charm...more of a "diary" than a "journal", but I think less tears were created this way, even if it is a really boring post! :o) I am constantly in awe of the amazing people God has chosen to bring into my life that sometimes it just overwhelmes me to tears. I know that each and every person is here to teach me something in that moment, but when He brings ones that get to stay and continue to make my life better, I feel so very special. I am blessed indeed.

Good night.

I Was (Am) Here

So...I re-read my post from last night and it was like reading "code" or something...it was "scattered" to say the least! There is so much more I want to try to put into words since I DO believe I should be able to express things more clearly, but, once again it is too late to start any type of "aha" post.

Instead, I guess I will post some words that DO make sense and really spoke to me (okay, so I cried when I heard them...what can I say, Saturday was an emotional day?!) Ginger left the room to do something and gave me her headphones to listen to this song while she was gone (don't think she knew I'd be bawling when she returned!). (She also had me listen to a Lady Antebellum song on the train in Chicago that was great as well...very excited to use the iTunes gift card I got for my birthday!) Again, I may not have the words to explain exactly why my emotions went haywire and the tears flowed freely, but I do believe that "I am here"...touching people's lives and being touched by them too.

I Was Here--Lady Antebellum
You will notice me.
I'll be leaving my mark, like initials carved in an old oak tree,
you wait and see.
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote.
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh,
cure the common cold,
I don't know, but I'm ready to start 'cause I know in my heart--

I wanna do something that matters,
say something different,
something that sets the whole world on its ear.
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given,
and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life,
and leave nothing less than something that says "I was here".

I will prove you wrong.
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock,
'cause this dream's too strong, and before too long...
maybe I'll compose symphonies,
maybe I'll fight for world peace,
'cause I know it's my destiny to leave more than a trace of myself in this
place.

I wanna do something that matters,
say something different,
something that sets the whole world on its ear.
I wanna do something better, with the time I've been given,
and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life,
and leave nothing less than something that says "I was here".

And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life.
I'll leave nothing less that something that says "I was here". I was here. I
was here. I was here.

Wanna do something that matters
something that says I was here
wanna do something that matters
something that says I was here, I was here

____________________________

Today a nursing student started working with me for her first of "14 1/2 shifts" before she graduates in December. It was a good first day since it was really slow...ESPECIALLY for a Monday! I usually just have the student watch on the first day, but probably should have had her do a few things since it was so slow, but I like to establish a trusting relationship before I let them "run free". I have a meeting in the morning that I probably should make sure I am prepared for. I have a lot to get done after the meeting too since I am having a party here on Wednesday.

Good night.

Hard to Explain

What a four days this has been! It was SO busy, but SO much fun! I spent half of yesterday crying for a number of reasons and barely got through that first sentence before my eyes filled with tears. It is hard to explain, and maybe even unexplainable (or just take a little more processing than I can do at this hour of the day). But, I wanted to at least write something (because, you know, this here "blog" is my journal and all...ha!) Maybe I'll do a "time line" in a later post, but this will do for now :o)

I picked up flowers before I went to pick up Ginger at the airport. I thought we'd both be able to enjoy them while she was here, but we ended up not being home very much at all (and she NEVER sat in any of my kitchen chairs...at least I don't THINK she did!) I snapped a couple pictures of them this morning while she was getting ready to go. They look like they will last a while, so that will be nice for me :o) It WAS really funny though when I was standing on the other side of security waiting for her with this bouquet of flowers. She was sitting in the back of the plane, so I saw lots of people before I saw her. A number of people (mostly men) asked if the flowers were for them and I began to wonder if it was really weird to bring flowers when you were picking up your friend at the airport...so, I attempted to sort of hide them/make them not as conspicuous until I saw her. Of COURSE she liked them and didn't think I was weird at all for bringing them (at least she didn't admit to that...ha!) so that was good :o)

This is one of only four pictures that were taken of us this weekend (so, there won't be a slide show this time...). Crazy that a photographer and a girl who likes taking pictures managed to get so few pictures, but at least we have a couple. This was taken last night when we were visiting my aunt and uncle. We actually both bought our shirts in Chicago (this post also gives a little "how we met" synopsis...as well as stories from that fun weekend) and that was the first time I had worn mine SINCE Chicago (it did not look right on me any of the times I had tried to wear it in the mean time...guess it only looks good when Ginger is around...ha!)

My sister (and me, I guess) arranged for Ginger to do some photography sessions while she was in town. While coming to see me is a good enough reason to head this way (LOL), we figured if she could make a little bit of money it would be an even bigger incentive to hop on that plane and come visit :o)

On Thursday, she took photographs of my nephew and my sister's nephew who is six weeks younger. She also photographed my sister's friend's family (their baby was REALLY sick a few times this year but doing a lot better). Friday night she took my sister's family Christmas pictures, and Saturday afternoon she did fall/Thanksgiving pictures for my brother-in-law's sister and her family. Confused?! Anyway, my first wave of tears came during the session yesterday. I was just overcome with emotion watching Ginger work with the 5-year-old half-brother of my sister's nephew (ha...hopefully I can follow this when I re-read it!) It was just SO sweet to see that interaction, to see how he trusted her...I guess, it was kind of like seeing what I hope people see when I work with my patients. It really was a beautiful and special and emotional and that sounds really weird but I have no other words...

There is so much more I want to write, so much more in my heart and in my mind, but I do have to go back to work tomorrow for the first time in nearly a week...so, I suppose I will end this "partial post" with a picture I took of my nephew today. He is getting SO big :o)

Good night.

Still Surreal

Well, I waited to do this post so I wouldn't "rush" through it, but here I am trying to put it all into words when it is after midnight. I was putting the pictures into my computer two days ago and it is still surreal. In fact, if I didn't have the pictures then I probably wouldn't believe it! (I am having a really hard time adjusting to this new posting deal...apparently it will be "better", but right now it is frustrating me!)

So, that was after Midnight on October 17...apparently, the new posting deal frustrated me way too much to finish it, so I will try again. (and I DID try again, but STILL didn't finish the post...it's the morning of November 5 and I'm going to set it to post later today or tomorrow...sheesh!)

This is a "paperwhite" bulb, also called a "narcissus" (so I have been told, I do not know my flowers very well!) My hospital holds its annual Perinatal and Pediatric Memorial service the second Sunday in October. One of the nurses who works on my floor has been doing it for over 15 years, and the past two or three I have helped. The "plan" is for me to take over next year. Unfortunately, one of the people in the pastoral care department took over and didn't really take any suggestions this year. So, hopefully we will improve that communication before the next time we plan a service. Anyway, we did have one meeting and set a theme. Then, one of the child life specialists found an activity that also gave each family something to take home with them.

The chaplain who gave the meditation did a GREAT job of tying in "the theme" with the activity. We got snow a couple days before the service which is REALLY early for us. She talked about how winter came early for us, but as the seasons go, we know that spring will follow winter. For those who have lost a child, winter came early, it came when they least expected it, when they were unprepared. While it may take a while for them to find spring, spring will eventually come, even though they will be forever changed by the winter. It really was a very nice reflection which worked for all those who attended (those who have experienced miscarriage, still birth, perinatal, neonatal, and pediatric loss are invited). I got to bring three of the bulbs home with me.

That evening was "the concert". I half-heartedly looked for someone to go with me, but really wanted to go alone. I was in the midst of a special, sacred, spiritual weekend and sometimes I like doing that solo. (The day before, I was chosen to be my friend's son's Godmother...well, the Baptism was that day, they chose me a while back!)

I was able to sell my second ticket since it was sold out and there was a line of people waiting. I had hoped to be able to give it away, but others were selling theirs and it was just easier that way. When I got there, nearly all the seats in the church were filled. Since I was "only one", I thought I would be able to find a single seat close to the front. Little did I know that they were going to find me a seat on the aisle in the very front row, stage right. Even better than I ever could have imagined, but I took it and quickly texted Ginger to let her know I was in.the.front.row.OMG! Speechless, definitely speechless (well, and "giddy"...and I did introduce myself to the people sitting next to me.)

Here is a collage from the concert. It was AWESOME!! Since I was sitting in the front row, I only used my flash for a couple pictures. (There were flash pictures being taken throughout the concert, but I thought that flash from the very front row could be distracting and I definitely didn't want to be kicked out!) Selah and Avalon were great! I didn't realize that I knew so many Avalon songs!

Since I'm a bit "star-struck", I was SO excited to read on Angie Smith's blog that she and her girls were coming along this leg of the tour. I am a "faithful reader", but not frequent commenter, although I do recall commenting on a post that had like 25 posts since I'm fairly certain I "happened upon" her blog before it exploded in readership. Anyway, since I'm kind of a freak, I quickly snapped this picture when I noticed her and her daughters sneaking in during the first song. It was REALLY dark and this is my attempt to lighten it up...I think you can tell who/what I was taking a picture of!

I jetted out of the room during the break since I had to go to the bathroom SO bad and sneaking out from the front row of a full house doesn't exactly work! Also, that is the time that the groups came down from the stage into the audience with packets of kids to sponsor. Now, I'm not against sponsoring a child, but it isn't something I can feel like I could do right now. I do a LOT of "sponsoring" of families/children who come into my life and do that without an agency on my own time and that works for me.

I was twittering/texting Ginger during the break freaking out that I was in the front row, etc. She told me she twittered Angie to let her know I was in the front row...what an awesome friend!

I made my way back to my seat and checked Angie's area. It kinda looked like there was "security" over there, so I almost didn't try. But, I took a deep breath and moseyed on over there. She was talking to two other "blog readers" and they were wanting a picture. I said "I'll take YOUR picture if you take MINE!" And so they did...

I was wearing shoes with a slight heel, but they still made me tower over her. She is 5'2 (I think that's what she said). I'm only 5 feet, but offered to take my shoes off for the photo (I think she thought that was sweet...ha!) I pulled one of the paperwhite bulbs out of my purse and gave it to her. I told her the story that was shared at the memorial service. I told her about the "tweets" (although she said she hadn't checked her phone in a while!) I asked her about going to the pumpkin patch (they went to a pizza place instead of that but I told her next time, she HAS to go there!) Wow, sounds like we talked for a bit. She really is sweet and I totally can't believe I have this picture!!

After the concert, they had a meet and greet/autograph signing. This girl was ahead of me in line and I talked to her and her mom. I spoke with some of the members of Avalon and got their autographs, but did not get a picture. I said "I didn't realize I knew so many of your songs...it was AWESOME!!"

I DID get my picture with Selah :o) I told Amy I thought she was HILARIOUS and she let me know that her husband gives her good material. She is super sweet and has an AMAZING voice! I told Todd that I had spoken with Angie and shared with him some of the story of the paperwhite. He and Allen both genuinely listened to this crazy girl who obviously was "star struck" and only sort of making sense...ha!



What an amazing, and still surreal experience! Treasured memories, with some really fun pictures to go along with them. It was a great spiritual "pick me up" and I love me some good music :o)
_________________________
Well, I'm not sure that was "worth" waiting nearly a month for, but now it is written (I suppose I could come back and add more details later...I did take notes in my little notebook about what songs they sang and did take a little video clip of Selah singing "Unredeemed" which is a great song!)

In another "surreal" moment, I am picking up Ginger in the airport early this afternoon. I didn't even KNOW about Ginger nine months ago and we already met up in Chicago and now she is coming to STAY with me for a couple days! I am SO excited and have some fun things planned. :o) I'll probably wait to post again until after she leaves so I can focus my time on hanging out rather than on the computer!

Until then...

Why, Oh Why?

So, besides the "scrapbook room" that is filled with clutter and disarray, the messiest room in my house is the living room (let's just say that's where I "live"...I eat there, I watch TV there, I have my computer there, I write letters there, I have papers EVERYWHERE!). The living room is the first room you see if you walk in the front door. The living room is where I would watch TV or have conversation with any visitor who happened to stop by.

Why, then...why oh why then...did I begin my "cleaning" last week by organizing my kitchen cupboards and the storage space under my basement steps? Why then, when I got today off work, did I begin by washing windows and dusting? Why is it after 11:00 and my living room looks the same right now than it did when my friend left on Sunday after helping me clean? Why oh why am I blogging this instead of putting all those piles of papers into a box to deal with next week?

Priorities, priorities...ha!

I have one more post that may go while Ginger is here, but I may be "dark" for a couple days since it may be kinda rude to blog when you have a guest ;o) Have I mentioned how excited I am that she is coming to visit?! I think we have a good "schedule" that is flexible, but structured enough to allow her to see as many people/things as possible :o)

Okay, time to box up this stuff for later and make sure I'm ready for the morning meeting.
Good night!

It's Alright

Well, I must have needed the sleep because my headache and nausea were gone when I woke up this morning. Yay!

I had a good day at work (yesterday AND today were good, actually!) and planned to come "straight home" so I could do a bit more picking up/cleaning. However, I ended up at my parents' house since my sister and nephew were there and I couldn't pass up seeing them (or free dinner!) Of course I stayed longer than I thought and didn't get home until about 9.

And, of COURSE I couldn't go to bed without watching The Biggest Loser...no way was I going to go to work tomorrow not knowing who had to go home! I did a little vacuuming before I started watching and did a bit of dusting while I watched. (I did ask Ginger to leave her white gloves at home...ha ha! However, I am having a party next week for the first time in years as well and I'm not sure I can get that memo to all those people ;o) ) It will be alright, I know, but I do wish I wasn't so lazy...ha (or so much of a procrastinator!) I am really excited for this weekend and showing Ginger what I do here when I'm not blogging or facebooking or twittering (yes, I sometimes do things besides that!) and introduce her to some of my friends :o)

Well, I SHOULD have been able to hear America celebrating the Biggest Loser elimination, but some how, I didn't! It actually was more bittersweet than I thought it would be!

I was hoping I would get tomorrow off due to too much staff, but the PICU is busy and I don't think I'm first on the list to get called off. But, it will be alright.

When I got home, there was a message from my contact at the foster parent agency. Apparently, since my background check stuff was done so long ago it needs to be done again. Pretty annoying if my references have to do the paperwork again (thinking I should probably pick different references!) She was apologetic, but I suppose there isn't any other option. I spoke with the mom at the hospital who was told I would do respite care for her child (still not sure how that all came about since it was news to me!). Not sure how that would work anyway, but I am wondering if it could happen at all if I don't have a license/current background check. It's alright though...there is a reason and I am trusting in God's timing on this.

Well, it's after 11:30 so I should head to bed.
Good night.

Blech

My head hurts, I am nauseous, I am tired...hoping going to bed "early" helps because I work the next two days and then have a meeting Thursday morning before Ginger comes...what the heck?! I got my H1N1 vaccine on Saturday--two days ago--so, it should not be that...blech! At least if I go to sleep now I could get 7 hours of sleep (plus a 1/2 hour snooze)!
Good night.

Getting There

Well, I probably should be typing up the agenda for my meeting that was supposed to be sent today rather than typing a blog post but...I am not (obviously!). I have been working on getting the papers organized for that, though, so hopefully it won't take me very long to get it sent tomorrow when I get off work.

This morning, I went to Mass at my high school for their annual Memorial Mass for friends and family of alums who have passed away this year. There was a little breakfast afterword. My dad was out of town this weekend, so my mom came to Mass there and she ate with me (she was being "weird" again last night but not so much today which is, again, kinda "weird" but...whatever)

I had talked to my friend from Curves (who no longer works at Curves, so she needs a new description...ha!) about going to get pedicures this afternoon even though I am trying to get my house in order for all the fun November activity that involves other people coming to my house.

She offered to come help me which was SO great! I picked up things and put things away while she shredded a bunch of papers that should not have been a stressor for me, but not having to do it was like weight was removed. I didn't get a WHOLE lot done since I was chatting, but having someone else here made a big difference in my ability to stay focused (although I'm still "a little" ADHD and have a hard time focusing on one task and see it through to completion...) When my shredder needed a break, we went to a late lunch/early dinner. After that, I "needed" a nap and she took the rest of the shredding home with her.

I went and visited my mom since my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew were there for dinner and ended up staying longer than I had planned (of course!) So, I got a little bit of stuff done when I got home (uploading pictures to facebook and writing a blog post took priority over some things!). And, I'm not TOO tired since I took that nap, so maybe I'll do a few more things before I go to bed. I work the next three days, so it will be pretty busy (I have been working on a post from when I went to the Selah/Avalon concert and can't believe how long it has taken me...the "hype" will have fizzled by the time I finally get around to finishing it!)

Good night!