More from the Weekend

It was SO great to have a weekend off! I haven't had a single weekend day off since my performance at the end of June. (I did attempt to post some clips from that in case you missed them, they are here. That was SO much fun!)

As I wrote in this post, Saturday was a fantastic day catching up with some of "my patients" and their families. I also went out with my good friend from work. (Friday night, I ALSO went to a party, and that post has some details about THAT...ha ha!)

Yesterday, I went to an all-school reunion at my high school which was also a farewell to the President who retired after 21 years. I don't want to be TOO specific, but she was instrumental in helping make it an amazing place to be. I sang with the Alumnae choir for the first time at Mass. After Mass, there was a brunch and a couple awards/presentations.

As you MAY have gathered from reading previous posts, I went to an all-girls school that has MANY traditions. One of those is that each freshman girl is "paired" with a senior girl and they are Big/Little Sisters. It is basically up to the "Big" to decide what that meant, but there are some traditions that most participate in, like decorating lockers.

I had two "Littles" and hadn't seen or really even heard about them probably since 2000 when my sister graduated. I was SO surprised to see one of them at the brunch yesterday! It didn't really seem like something she would attend, but it was GREAT to see her! She is married and has a little boy. She was a competitive gymnast, so maybe SHE can teach me how to do a round-off-back-handspring...ha ha! She also decorates cakes, which may be something I need some day...

My "Big" was a nice girl, but there were other seniors that I pretty much idolized. I joined a club that pretty much just had these seniors. I talked to them all the time and thought they elevated my "coolness" (wishful thinking I'm sure...ha!) One of them in particular was my "favorite". I'm fairly certain I frequently wrote her notes, and I KNOW that I not only got my hair cut after she did, I ALSO joined the track team because she did track even though I had never ran prior to that. (I know, my "stalkerish tendencies" have been around for a LONG time...ha!) She definitely was VERY sweet not to tell a nerdy freshman to leave her alone ;o) Ha! Anyway, I ran into her earlier, and again yesterday. ("Coincidentally", on Friday when I was searching for senior pictures, I found a note she had written to me for my Freshman Retreat...yes, I save EVERYTHING!)

Today, Ginger designed some pretty fabulous things for me (and my sister). While I don't exactly need a "button" (because that would mean I wanted LOTS of people to link to me, right?!), in my mind, I kinda sort of thought it would be cool to have something like that. I never actually TOLD Ginger that, but "randomly" (yeah, right, "random"...ha ha!), I get this email today with a little "I Love Blogs" present attached :o) I was speechless, and am actually surprised I didn't cry, but I must be in some kind of half-way stoic place because I didn't even cry when I finished reading that book yesterday (believe me, it feels weird to not cry about EVERYTHING!) While I didn't use it as a button, because, like I said, I don't NEED a "button", I did place it on my blog with my email address underneath it...can I just say that I LOVE it?! :o) I
do!

Also, Ginger graciously offered to design my nephew's birth announcement. Now, I won't actually be able to post that here (unless it is an edited version), but I WILL say that it is freaking awesome. If you ever need anything like that designed, Ginger is definitely your woman :o)

I finally went to visit my nephew. I can't believe it has been a week since I saw him. My sister has been struggling with breastfeeding issues, and my brother-in-law had surgery today, so it was definitely good that I didn't end up having to work so I could go visit. My sister and I talked for a while, and I tried to help her with a couple things. She and my brother-in-law are VERY excited about the announcement Ginger designed, so that helped make their day :o)

I tried to use the photography advice I have been given, but I think maybe I am a VERY slow learner! I DID try to get down to his level, but the bar to the changing table was in the way. Also, I will blame SOME of my photography issues on the crappy lighting in their house...definitely not ALL the person behind the camera with all the issues...ha ha! My sister used her first cloth diaper yesterday. She tested out an "all-in-one". Today, I put on a prefold and cover while she watched. Of COURSE I had to take pictures of him in his diaper after we did that :o)

My dad coached two high school softball teams this summer and tonight was the last night of games. I was able to attend quite a few games this summer, and usually got to coach one of the bases. After the second game, the girls wanted to take a picture...so, here is one of the ones I took. I used to baby-sit for a couple of the girls, and two of them are headed off to college in a couple weeks. Craziness! Yes, that is my dad in the Hawaiian shirt. He has been wearing those kind of shirts FOREVER, and I think he still believes he started that trend. He has ALWAYS worn crazy clothes to coach in...he says it takes the pressure off the kids...I think it works!

Alright, it's 1:00, so I probably should head to bed...only a few more posts until I hit 600! Of course, that could mean a week from now, or weeks from now, depending on how often I post!

Good night.

The Sweetest Thing

Today was the annual "transplant reunion". This is the fourth year I have attended, and it is a wonderful reminder of why we do what we do. As much as I love my job, we really do just see "the sick ones". MOST of the kids I have cared for the past seven years are living happy, healthy lives. It is hard to remember that when day in and day out you seem to be taking care of the same sick patients. It DOES get discouraging at times, and, as I have written recently, there have been some VERY sad times, however, my job really is rewarding. I try to remind myself of that on a regular basis, but with something like this, there is no denying that organ transplants save lives, and what we do is VERY important.

(Just a tiny, silly "request"...remember this post?!...please do not report me for posting these pictures here...the parents KNEW the photos were being taken, I have attempted to blur out the hospital's logo, the pictures are small, etc., etc....I am posting them because I LOVE what I do and think "y'all" should be able to see what I do!)





Anyway, some of the folks you may recognize from last year's slide show:


It was just a GREAT day! As I mentioned yesterday, three of my former patients came to visit me on the floor. That in itself made me feel VERY special. :o) I talked to SO many people today which, you know, I LOVE to talk! Some of the kids I didn't recognize because they have grown SO much (and no longer "look sick"), but I recognized the parents. To be honest, I didn't stay very long at my miniature golf booth...oops! When the party portion was winding down, I was talking to a couple of moms. Now, I heard MANY sweet things the past couple days (everyone enjoys a little ego boost, right?!), but I know for certain I will remember these words...

One of the moms said to me, "When you were my daughter's nurse, I knew you were not just caring for her, you were caring for me too." She mentioned that I would not only listen, and talk to her, but also remember things that she had told me. Wow! As she was talking she said "I'm tearing up" and didn't say much more, but I just thought it was the sweetest thing (I teared up as well...). I DO try to remember that taking care of the entire family is important, and also try to put things into perspective before casting any amount of judgement. I KNOW how lonely it would be to be stuck in a hospital room far away from your home. I can't BEGIN to imagine what it would feel like having a very sick, and/or chronically ill child. I enjoy learning from "my moms" and am a better nurse because of what I have learned by listening. While I strive to be the kind of nurse she said I am, it means SO much to hear them and know that it really is worth the extra effort, and the potential extra tears/sadness, that comes from making a personal connection with my patients and their families.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening with one of these "former patients", his mom, and grandma. We went to the zoo, and out to dinner. We did a LOT of "visiting" :o) They too had sweet things to say to me, but I won't bore you with all THAT--my head is probably big enough now...ha ha! It was SO great to be able to spend that extra time with them, and to see how well he is doing now, especially knowing how VERY sick he was (I told his mom the other night that I was TERRIFIED the first time I cared for him since I did not have much experience caring for someone that kind of "really sick"...she was glad I hid my fear well!)

I am grateful for having been reminded once again that every little moment can make a difference. Spending those extra five or so minutes in a room listening to a parent can mean more than imaginable. That personal connection, that personal touch means just as much, or more, than being really good at starting IVs...

After dinner, I met up with my friend from work at the house of one of her friends. We had a really fun time. She had a "guy friend" there with her, so we are going to have lunch on Tuesday so maybe I can find out what THAT'S all about ;o) Speaking of...I wanted to do a better job at telling the awkwardness story from last night, but it fits here. I ran into a girl who graduated a year ahead of me in high school right when I got to the party. We chatted for a while. Her mom was there, and they mentioned setting me up with her brother. I nervously chuckled about that, but they took a picture of me on their cell phone. I went inside and ran into the kid's dad. He was pretty much dragging this guy from his work behind him. We will call him "J". He said, hey, aren't you doing work on your house..."J" can do work on houses. I don't remember what else he said, but it was no less subtle than "J" talk to Amanda, Amanda, talk to "J"...yeah, not at ALL awkward, right?! What makes it better/worse is that they had TALKED about this "meeting" for over a week, so he wasn't nearly as caught off guard as I was. We did visit for a while (I talked to a guy! Put this day on the calendar...I mean yesterday's date...ha!), but I wasn't about to ask for his phone number. Not that he wasn't super nice or that I wouldn't have given it to him if he had asked, but if I asked for his number, that would mean I probably should CALL it. Anyway, I guess it was a "step"...I'm not quite sure how I can do the "one moment at a time" deal in many aspects of my life, but when it comes to guys, my mind does some crazy equation like talking=marriage...which makes it kind of hard to have a normal conversation and is probably why I have not had many "second dates"...issues, I KNOW I have them...LOTS of them!

Anyway, that was the story from yesterday that was a fantastic addition to my drama-filled day at work. Today, not-so-much drama filled (aside from the stories my friend was sharing at the party!)

Tomorrow I have another gathering where I will have the opportunity to talk to lots of people I haven't seen in a while...but, I need to be at choir practice at 8:30, so probably should go to sleep.

Flashback Friday--Transplant Reunion

So...I REALLY wanted to do a Flashback Friday post today about Senior Pictures. Ginger took Senior pictures of her cousin this week and it made me think about how much I loved getting my senior pictures taken. Of COURSE I couldn't find any copies of my senior pictures to scan when I was looking last night, so that post will have to wait.

I knew when I left work yesterday that today was going to be NUTS! There were 8 patients on my side and SIX of them were supposed to go home today. I was forced to give up one of my patients from yesterday when I got to work which made me pretty crabby. When I was driving to work, I was thinking that I probably would have to let another nurse take one of my patients, but didn't know I would be FORCED/expected to do so which made me not-so-happy. I tried to just drink my coffee and not grumble about it too much because obviously that would NOT help...

A patient I took care of five years ago after a transplant was coming up to visit me this morning since tomorrow is the annual transplant reunion. I was trying not to freak out that I would be too busy to show them around. As it turned out, they came at the PERFECT time. The child was a baby at the time of transplant, so it was like meeting everyone and seeing everything for the first time. He gave hugs to everyone he found out had played a role in helping him get to be the "big kid" he is today. It was GREAT to see him and his family...a wonderful reminder of why I do what I do. They came to the reunion a couple years ago, but was either before I started blogging, or in 2007 when for SOME reason I did not post about the reunion. I did, however, find THIS post when I was looking for one. It was written two years ago today and I cracked up reading it tonight!

Anyway, back to work...I knew that it could be a circus orchestrating sending my two patients out of the hospital. Interpreters, teaching, home health companies, phone calls, social work, and drama (including dealing with a mom whose significant other broke up with her while IN the process of getting ready to leave the hospital...yeah, nice...) It was rather chaotic and I'm glad that my self-evaluation is turned in (as are the peer evaluations done on me) because I had a hard time maintaining my cheerful disposition for a time there.

When it was all said and done, though, there were SO many things that couldn't have had better timing. The first meeting with a former patient happened when I'd already gotten my one kid off the floor to a procedure and given all my morning meds. PERFECT!

Later, another former patient and HIS family came to visit me, their "favorite nurse" ;o) While all was quiet before the "storm" of sending my first of two patients home before my new one arrived. (That little one gave me a hug too even though he was too young at the time of transplant to remember me being his nurse.) I had the opportunity to see them at last year's reunion too. I DID "blog" about that last year. It is SO great to know how much of an impression you can make on people's lives (another reason to try to not be a grumpy nurse...ha ha!)

And THEN, after my first kid went home, yet another patient and her family came up to the floor. I recognized the mom immediately, but, you know, kids change in a year's time, especially when they have previously been ill. Not sure if anyone else would have recognized that family, so it was PERFECT timing that I was standing right there when they arrived.

I was so proud to be able to say that three patients came up to see ME (even though the third one was more "by chance")! How great is that?! Along with getting to celebrate new life with a family after their loss because I meant THAT much to them...what a week! That post from last year's reunion has a slide show of pictures, but I think what I wrote stands true today--"...I had patients and families come up to me and tell everyone I was their nurse. How special I felt. I am a part of their story, just as they are a part of mine. They are grateful to be alive. I am grateful God brought them into my life."

I am SO excited for tomorrow! I will see these three kids, and surely MANY more who are doing well out at home, living their life to the fullest because someone made a decision to give them a second chance. Be an organ and tissue donor...you have the power to donate life.

Here's another little post on organ donation, just in case you haven't signed your card and told your family...

So, as I was searching through posts trying to find these, I came across some pretty funny ones, so maybe I need to write Flashback Friday posts more often.

Well, as busy as I was, I still managed to clock out before 7:30. After work, I headed to a "gotcha day" party for a little girl who finally was able to be adopted by her foster parents today. I did respite care for her last May, and prior to that worked with her mom doing supervised visits for the State. I need to write about what terribly awkward incident occurred at that party, but it is nearly 1:00 and I don't want to be tired and crabby for the reunion! (I am working at the children's activities, which is kind of like a carnival, from 11:30-2, so PROBABLY need to get some sleep!)

By the way, my sister went to the neurologist yesterday and was told nothing could be done until she is done breastfeeding. I really hope the headaches go away on their own because I know how much she wanted to breast feed for a year, but I am not sure how one could go for eleven more months with a terrible headache. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers for her.

Good night.

My Sis

**Update...I guess my sister is got in to see the neurologist tomorrow (Thursday). And, not sure why, but she brought my nephew to the pediatrician today. My mom said they sucked out his nose and he now weighs 8 pounds 8 ounces, but that's all I heard. I ended up with an unexpected day off, but did not make it out to see them today. Also, I am less than 10 posts away from 600...any thoughts on something cool to do that day?! Maybe I should start planning!**

So, my sister has always struggled with headaches. The doctors never were really able to figure them out. She was never diagnosed as having "migraines", but I remember she used to have her "every day headaches" and then times when they were worse. She rarely complained about them, so I am not sure if eventually they went away, or if she just got used to them. Apparently, she has been having pretty bad headaches ever since my nephew was born and nothing really makes them go away. For a while, she just figured they could be epidural related and would go away. But, now that he is nearly four weeks old and they have yet to go away, so is going to get checked out. She is going tomorrow for a couple lab tests/blood pressure check. Then, next Tuesday she has an appointment with a neurologist unless they are able to fit her in some time this week. I don't know much (okay, anything!) about this kind of stuff and suppose it could be epidural related. In any case, though, I hope she can get some relief from her pain. If you could keep her in your thoughts and prayers, I'd appreciate it.

I'm off to play softball...9:30 is NOT a great time to start a game when you start work at 7AM the next three days, but I suppose I did sign up for this and it will be fun (until the morning comes!)

Good night.

Keep Your Eyes Open

What a week it has been! I have done a LOT of thinking, and reflecting about many different things in my life. It has been emotional to say the least, but that is why I have this journal :o) Tonight, I was talking to a friend who is my “Fantasy Baseball” partner. We have never gotten to hang out this much, but every three weeks we can pick new players, so it has been GREAT to catch up with her at least once a month! I shared with her some of my thoughts from the last week, and she shared what’s been going on with her, including the plans for her wedding next year. She talked about being open to opportunities, and never really knowing WHAT kinds of opportunities are out there until they arrive. And, you can only see them as opportunities if you have your eyes open…how many opportunities do we miss because we can’t see them, or aren’t willing to take the risk? I have been blessed with so many people who have reminded me to keep my eyes open, to treasure each moment, to celebrate the little things, to let God guide take the lead, to venture into the unfamiliar, and that I can learn from each and every person who comes into my life…among other things (ha ha!)

I have mentioned before that I do NOT have a “green thumb”. I grow weeds VERY well, but anything else that grows here is left in the careful hands of “Mother Nature” and “The Father”. This year I decided to go ahead and try planting some seeds myself to see what would happen. They were not just any seeds, I picked them out because the flowers were orange and yellow (notice I don't even have a CLUE as to what kind of flowers they are!). I think I may have also picked out some purple ones too. I have MANY weeds in my “garden” that are growing like crazy, but I have a hard time distinguishing between plants and weeds (weeds are just plants you don’t want anyway, right?!). So, I had no idea if my flowers actually were going to do anything, but I did remember to water them every once in a while. Last week, I noticed that one of the plants had sprouted an orange flower! I seriously almost cried because of the timing.

Each day since then, more buds have opened...

and today there were nearly a dozen orange, yellow-orange, and yellow flowers.

This afternoon, I went out to make my second attempt to mow the lawn. It was then that I noticed a single dandelion in my “berm”. (Take a look at this picture...can YOU see a dandelion?!)

Now, my berm is FILLED with all sorts of different “greenery”, many of which ARE weeds (as evidenced by above picture!) However, I’ve looked in there a number a times and NEVER noticed a growing dandelion. No joke, this dandelion was NINETEEN INCHES TALL!! I got a tape measure because never have I SEEN such a gigantic dandelion. It had the thickest stem to go with it. I snapped a few pictures and came back inside since the mower wouldn’t start anyway. Not too long after that, I went back outside to take a look at this dandelion that was “a little different”, only to find that the flower had closed up and it did not really look like a dandelion at all…

I thought that maybe I was wrong. Maybe I just WANTED it to be a dandelion because of this day, because the orange flowers and the dandelion could not be a coincidence… I was SO glad I had taken those pictures because, as you can see, that definitely is a dandelion.

Now, why I was able to see it one moment, and then it was gone the next…well, you can write your own little “there are no coincidences” story there. I am very glad my eyes were open so I was able to see these flowers that would have been there even if I had not been looking…

Yesterday’s post was about remembering. While I posted the picture of a precious little girl, and wrote about her, I knew that one of my “notes” would be to the parents of a special little boy.

This picture, too was taken three summers ago. Later that year, the winter I will never forget, also was the one when he went to Heaven...pain, scar, and tube free. I reflected on his death, and what I learned from that, a year later in this post. I still remember the story I shared at his memorial service...I was his nurse and found him in his room with a green dry erase marker in hand and marks ALL over the wall and everything else that was within reach. I grabbed two wet washcloths and told him he was going to help me clean up that mess...his mom had stepped out to get lunch and came in as we were cleaning. It was a story I am sure his parents have not forgotten. I also remember that his mom went with me to the massage school...I think that was the first time she had ever had a massage. Those moments, as seemingly insignificant at the time, have become treasured memories for me. As much as it hurt when he died, it was such a blessing to know that I had kept my eyes open and learned from him, and from his parents, during his short time here.

Even still, I was left speechless and wrote this post back in November (exactly 8 months ago as a matter of fact). On that date, his mom texted me to let me know she was pregnant...she told ME before she told anyone in her family...

This afternoon, that little boy became a big brother. His dad called me a mere four hours after his birth to share the news. I was on "their list". Me....a nurse hundreds of miles away who entered their lives because their baby was sick...they wanted ME to be able to share in this special moment with them. His dad says he looks like his brother...while I know this baby could never ever replace his big brother, I am so happy that God has blessed them with another little one to love.

Keep your eyes open...some things will change in the blink of an eye...

like a growing nephew... I haven't been able to see him since Thursday, and likely will not make it back there until Sunday (unless my softball game is rained out tomorrow...come on rain!) I can hardly believe he will be four weeks old on Thursday!

Well, I have an all day conference tomorrow and then work the rest of the week, so probably should head to bed. I wasn't nearly as productive as I could have/should have been today, but I spent some time talking to friends and family which is MUCH more important than a clean house and well-kept yard in my opinion. In "full disclosure", I actually didn't get my notes written during the day today, but they WILL get done because that is very important to me. I also didn't finish my evaluation that was due three weeks ago... But, a guy from the health department came and looked at my house (the "lead lady" is on medical leave) and the scraping and painting that I need to do will not take that long. So, maybe I will have a foster parent license in hand sooner rather than later...and continue to allow God to work with that however He sees fit...

Good night.

Remembering

I was fortunate to have another "slow" day at work since I definitely didn't go to bed as early as I should have! I only had two patients all day (I didn't have to take any new patients during these three days of work...lucky!). One of them has parents who do everything, the other took a pretty long nap and went home before 4:00. Even though I only had one patient left, I just stayed...sorry, the budget isn't REALLY my problem...ha ha!

Since it was slow, I had time to sit an cuddle a precious, precious little one. I held her for a while at the nurses' station and snuggled. She was SO tired, but refused to go to sleep while we were sitting there. So, I took her to her room and we rocked until she fell asleep (I nearly did too!) I had a few things to do, or probably would have held her a LOT longer after she went to sleep! When she woke up, we sang songs, read books, and snuggled some more. It was SO great. Although she wasn't my patient, the situation her family is in just made me really sad (that's pretty much all the more I should say...except to add that there is no abuse/legal issues/etc. going on...and that when I decided to pursue foster parenting, I knew that it would have to be the "right kid" and the "right situation" for it to work...and it looks pretty much like "this"...)

Our snuggle time reminded me of this sweet girl.

Oh how much I loved this little girl...my eyes have filled with tears just thinking about her. She was so sweet, loved to cuddle, and, as you can see, could give the biggest smiles. Due to certain circumstances, her family was unable to be at the hospital with her for months. As much as they loved her, it just wasn't feasible to travel back and forth or have someone stay here with her. So, sometimes I stayed after my shift was over to rock her. I came in on days off to play with her. I bought her dresses, did her laundry, attempted to do her hair. So often I wished that I could just take her out of the hospital for a while to have some fun, maybe even have her stay at my house until she was ready to go back home. But, at the time, I didn't have a foster parent license (I STILL don't, but think I am going to start the ball rolling on that again tomorrow), and I am also not sure that was a direction they would have taken... She was really sad missing her parents and siblings, so sometimes it was hard to get her to do much besides cuddle, but she usually brightened up when I came around which warmed my heart...and definitely helped later.

This picture was taken some time in the summer...I can tell from my softball shirt :o) She was about to go home with her dad after being in the hospital for MONTHS. That huge smile was for him, not me, but I am glad to have it captured on film. She celebrated her fourth birthday at home that September. I remember that December day when I received the phone call that she had died at her home hospital. Oh how much I cried. Selfish cries wishing I'd been able to say good-bye while knowing it was best to be near her family when she died rather than being hundreds of miles away from those she knew and loved best. Not long after that, I called her mom to express my condolences. I will never forget her saying through her own tears how much her daughter loved me, and thanked me for caring so much for her during those months when they were away. As the tears stream down my face almost exactly three years since I last saw her smiling face, I know that even though it hurts, I have ZERO regrets for having loved her that much.

Little did I know that the sadness at work was going to go spinning out of control. One of my other "favorite" patients died at her home hospital a month before this little one. The winter of 2006-2007 was a terrible time. While I do not know the exact number, I think fifteen would be a safe guess for how many patients died during a span of about four months. All for different reasons/complications, not all here at our hospital, but each and every one came as a terrible blow. Tuesdays in January were particularly tough...three weeks in a row, patients we ALL knew and loved took their last breaths here.

Pretty fitting that when I switched over to copy the link to this post where I showed some of these kids, the song Angels Among Us began to play. That song may even speak to me even more than "Borrowed Angels". I definitely have been blessed more times than I can begin to count with people who seem to have just "come" to me and then "shown me how to live, teach me how to give, and guide me with a light of love..."

Reflecting, and remembering have been on my mind this past week as evidenced by yesterday's post and this one...and has led to MANY tears, but that isn't really a bad thing in my opinion.

Tomorrow will mark four years since Isaac Bolte left this Earth...his "Heaven Day". Tomorrow, I will wear my "Team Isaac and Asher" shirt. I have learned through the years that no amount of time can take away the pain, but knowing that someone out there is remembering your child and the life he/she lived even years after his/her death definitely can help. One of the first grieving mom's I "met" online was a woman whose daughter died while waiting for a liver transplant. I learned SO much from reading her words on her daughter's site, and have continued to learn what kinds of things help--and what kinds of things definitely do not--from the friends I have "met" since then. And so, tomorrow I am going write notes to people who are surely missing their loved one as much today as the day they said good-bye. I will "commit" to four--one for each of Isaac's years--but maybe will "try" for six--one for each day that Isaac lived here on Earth.

Even though I never saw the movie where they used this song, when I first heard it, I knew I needed to use some of the lyrics in the first memorial service I helped plan. The patient had been on my floor for a long time, but it wasn't until her final two months that I "found" her. It is called "Remembering You"...which seems like a good way to end this song-filled post that I have actually been typing on for close to two hours...probably could have gotten my self-evaluation done (or the dishes from the sink into the dishwasher!) in that time.


- Steven Curtis Chapman Lyrics

Well, I have a list of things to do tomorrow, including getting up in time to call the "lead lady" who only works from 8-9:30. So, I should probably head to bed.
Good night.

This Book

As I mentioned in a previous post, I started this book on Sunday night. I had forgotten how much a book could take you away from reality. However, this book also has been working on snapping me back to reality. I really need "you" to read this book so we can have a "discussion" about it. I realize that I can attend the book club discussion about it with people at work, but I'm DEFINITELY more comfortable with "y'all" than ANYONE at work. I have been questioning who I am REALLY and what I am I really doing with my life. As much as I say that this blog is "Just Me", it is really just the me that I am willing to write about...I think there is a lot about "me" that I either don't know, or do not want to think about because I'm afraid to know...

I cried within the first 60 pages. I have a little over 100 pages left and two girls at work said they BAWLED through the last one hundred. I think I may need to wait until these three shifts are over because work can be emotionally draining enough. I also believe I need to take my time and spend some time contemplating all that happened in the first 350 pages that sent my head spinning...

I don't want to "ruin" the book for anyone who would like to have a little "discussion" once they have finished it. It is a book about life that spans from the 1970s to the present. It is a book about friendship, about being loved, about getting hurt. It is about hopes and dreams, and also about those that are lost. Anyway, maybe it has just been a long time since I read a book "for fun", but this has definitely "spoken" to me...

On a semi-related note...one night earlier this week, I turned off my light and crawled into bed. As I pulled up the covers, I thought, "I am in this bed, in this house, alone." Well, no sh** Sherlock...it has been that way for a LONG time...forever pretty much. Seriously, where did that come from?! (Darn book!) I quickly attempted to "shush" my thoughts and remind myself that this is "okay", it REALLY is. Look at all you can do, all you have been able to do, because things are the way they are, because things HAVE been the way they are. No regrets, it is what it is...and I am happy....REALLY, I am :o) (That is my "mission" in life, after all--to bring joy and laughter to those who are hurting, those who are suffering, those who need a bright spot in their day--there is no time for self-pity or sadness when you have a job to do...of course, since this is my blog, I could hide the fact that tears fell down my cheeks as I typed those words, but since I am trying to be more honest, that is the truth...however, it does not mean I do not believe that the way things are is not as they should be, because they are, and all is well...)

"I've always thought that people need to feel good about themselves and I see my role as offering support to them, to provide some light along the way." ~Leo Buscaglia

Good night.

Ok...better add this since it may make some sense of my being extra emotional. I had an idiotic/hurtful conversation with my mother this evening. I was calling to tell her that our "estimate" of the size of my kitchen was off by half, so it is going to cost a lot more for my new floors than we thought. They are getting a new dining room set and asked my sister and brother-in-law if they would like it before they try to sell it (my kitchen is way too small and I don't have a dining room). Somehow, the conversation turned to MY piano that is now residing at my aunt and uncles. My mom tried to sell it a while back and I freaked out because, you know, it is MY piano. My aunt took pity on me and offered to store it at her house until I was ready for it at mine. So, why did my mom take TONIGHT as the opportunity to tell me that it isn't actually MY piano...I didn't pay for it, who said it was MINE?! Um, really, are we having this conversation because, seriously, you need a little "extra cash" badly enough to sell off the one piece of "furniture" that means something to me?! I'm sorry you bought two televisions, a refrigerator, and a dining room set this week and are feeling short on cash...ok, that is totally mean, but there are tears streaming down my face and I'm pretty darn ticked. I really thought things were getting better...earlier this week, I mentioned a "dilemma" I was having regarding a birthday present I'd like to buy for Ginger's daughter. The shipping costs more than the item and I have tried multiple ways to get around that. That night, she said that sometimes you just have to suck it up and pay the shipping if the item is that important/special to you... Wow, where did you come from...nothing awful to say to me about being friends with people I met online, let alone spending actual MONEY on them and their families... I thought maybe we had turned a corner, and then...this...

Well, I seriously need to go to bed before I get myself TOO worked up to sleep.

O Canada

As much traveling as I have done, I have never traveled overseas. I do not have a passport. A while back, I was watching "Ellen" and she surprised an audience member with a trip to London to see the Spice Girls. At that time, I decided I NEEDED to have a passport, you know, just in case someone wanted to surprise me with a trip overseas :o) However, it never got done.

I DID go to Toronto when I was in sixth grade. Too bad I don't have a clue where the pictures are from that trip because they would be REALLY fun to see! That was the one year I did "competitive" gymnastics. I was in the lowest level, but did get a couple of awards. We got to travel to Toronto in a chartered bus for a competition. I remember learning the Canadian National Anthem, going to Niagara Falls, an amusement park, a big mall, and parts of the competition, but most of my memories are a blur. (I'm sure pictures would help!) I do know that I placed the highest of any gymnast at my club, and believe it may have even been in the Top 25. I still have a dream of one day being able to do a round-off-back-handspring. Seriously, for some reason I believe there is a person out there who would be willing to teach a 30ish-year-old how to do that, but a girl can dream, right?! And yes, I am aware that I would be an obese gymnast, but my legs are still pretty strong from work and all those softball games playing catcher...anyway, I guess it is a dream that I haven't made any steps toward reaching, but now you know about it :o)

Last year, I joined a transplant nurse organization. So, I get mailings from them all the time, including information about a convention in Montreal this September. I threw away the paperwork, but continued to think about it. A couple weeks ago (if I remember correctly, it was the day my nephew was born!), I decided to take a chance and ask my manager if the hospital would pay for me to go to the convention. The director was actually in her office when I asked, but the manager said with the economy the way it is, there isn't that much in the budget to do that this year. However, she thought maybe we could work on a project and present at next year's convention. That was a sufficient answer for me, and I started thinking about what we could do that actually would be worthy of presenting...

So, I was surprised yesterday when I went to my meeting and my manager asked if I had gotten her email. I hadn't been able to check my work email at home for a while, so my answer was "no"...but, I figured it had to do with the note I had left her regarding people not doing their job. Nope, she was wondering if I still wanted to go to the Convention. Um, yeah, totally...except I don't have a passport! So, after my meeting, I headed on down to the post office, filled out the paperwork, got my picture taken, and should have a passport in hand in a few weeks. I will be sharing a room with my manager, but I believe there are three or four other people who are going from my hospital. I get along very well with my manager, but am kind of hoping we will not attend all of the same sessions!

That additional trip means it will be a VERY busy fall! I will be there September 23-26. The hospital will pay for airfare and the conference and we will get reimbursed for the hotel and food after we get back. So, that won't be THAT expensive of a vacation...hopefully! I have already purchased airline tickets for my birthday trip to Vegas October 21-24, but since I am one who enjoys the gambling...I better start picking up extra shifts now! Also, the Chicago Girls may be having a fall reunion...no definite plans yet, but I'm already getting excited about that! (If you haven't seen that slide show of pictures from the trip, or it's been a while...you should watch it...ha! I just watched it again...as if the first 100 times wasn't enough!) So, not only is there a bit of fun summer left, I have TONS to look forward to this fall! Then, my friend in California gets married in January, and my friend who lives in Germany is having a baby...I better start playing the lottery!

If it weren't for missing church, I have kind of enjoyed my weekend work schedule for the past few weeks. Last week I was off Monday through Thursday, and have the same schedule this week. Today, I had my kitchen measured for new flooring. It currently has carpet (I will have to take a picture...maybe I will clean it tomorrow and THEN take some pictures!) and a store here was having a 32 months same as cash deal, so I decided this was a good time to get rid of carpet in the kitchen. I will be getting laminate floor that looks like wood. I'm VERY excited! I also sat outside reading my book club book a couple different times (I need to buy a lawn chair or something because laying out on the front lawn of my house with the corner lot is a LITTLE tacky I think...) It is a very good book and the first book I have read in a LONG time. I forgot how books can just take you away and make you forget about reality for a while. The book is set in Washington State, a place that I have never actually been, but I definitely was wishing I was reading on the beach at the ocean...not-so-much, but I did try to imagine I was there!

My nephew turns three weeks old tomorrow! I didn't take any pictures of him today for some reason (maybe I figured he needed a break from the paparazzi, especially after the rough night he had...apparently, mommy eating very spicy chicken did not make the little boy very happy last night...you live, you learn I guess!), but these are from Monday and yesterday. They actually got professional photos taken on Monday, so it will be great to see those. My sister was VERY unhappy with her wedding pictures, so hopefully these ones will be more to her liking.

Well, my "night owl" friend (you know who you are ;o) ) has gone to bed, and I'd MUCH rather read my book than work on my self-evaluation, so off to bed with my book :o)

Good night.

Tomorrow will have to do...

So, I had this "grand" idea of a fun post for tonight, but I kinda feel like crap-ola. I have felt tired for much of the day even though the amount of sleep I got should have been enough. I ran a couple errands and just wanted to go back to sleep. I visited my sister and nephew for a while, but was falling asleep on her couch so had to leave. Even though I took a nap this afternoon for a while, apparently it was not enough. I actually felt "ok" during my softball game even though it was SO hot and humid that I had sweat dripping down my back and could have wrung out my hair by the end of the game. Now my head hurts worse than it did earlier in the day, and I hardly EVER get headaches. So, I think it best just to go to bed and hopefully still feel "inspired" when it comes time to write a post tomorrow.

I helped my friend from Curves set up her "life after Curves" blog since yesterday she started her new job. She is excited to be a "blogger"...ha ha!

Kristy over at Waiting for Happy was one of my first "blog friends" and this has been an extra tough week for her. Today, she and her family celebrated the fourth birthday of her second son Isaac who lived for six days. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is knowing that your child is not here on Earth to celebrate his day of birth with you. So, if you feel so inclined and would like to show them a little extra love, I'm sure she would appreciate it :o)

Okay, I'd better go to bed while I can still find my way there. Good night.

NO WAY!!

FYI...I totally was NOT impaired by alcohol when writing my previous post, although probably a bit delirious from work (and a little bored). I will admit that I spent WAY too much time writing it, but it was pretty fun (even though very silly and made very little sense).

Anyway, although I was supposed to be being productive today, I "happened" upon a blog that left me saying "NO WAY!!". Um, so this blog gives re-caps of books like The Gymnasts, Baby-sitters Club, Sweet Valley Twins, Sleepover Friends, etc. She even has labels for posts about "Being Claudia Kishi"...seriously! On her blog roll are links to other sites that discuss such things as Are you Afraid of the Dark?, Full House, and books by Christopher Pike. I'm not joking, seriously, that cracks me up! Unfortunately, this may be bad news for my already troubled time management skills...

Oh my goodness...on a similar note, I started my "book club book" last night. I am only 60 pages in and already cried...I guess that means it is a good book?!

Alright, time to read, pick up junk, put away laundry, or something...or, maybe continue sitting on my couch re-living the books of times past.

Wow...crazy.

Somewhat Silly Saturday

Alas! An attempt at accomplishing an appropriately accurate alliterative article. Amanda’s achievement’s apparently absolutely asinine after all, as authenticated, uh, here.

Someone sought some stalwart souls so swim suits should sell. So, she strutted (her)self seeking some slimness.

'Twas time to trim tall trees to toss trepidation toward tornadoes.

Maybe missing Maggie’s Mommy made me mildly manic…or…might my money-making metier manufacture madness? (With) My matched musings many may (not!) mistake me (for) MckMama…

Whatever weekend wonders we witness, we will win worth…what?!

Good-gracious…good night :o)

Wordless Wednesday

Okay, so "technically" it is Thursday...and "technically", these are words. But, it's been a busy week...back to blogging soon...

Hanging with the Brothers

I did go visit my nephew yesterday, but didn't take a single picture...I know, crazy! I was running a little behind and only was able to stay for 45 minutes before going to help my dad coach his softball games. I had plans to go back AFTER the games so I could take some pictures (and hold him a little longer...I had to let other visitors do that since I had "my turn"!) As it turned out, my relatives from California were in town, so my dad and I met up with them.

My dad and his brothers don't get together very often (although we all did back in October for the horse races :o) ) and it is fun to see them together. They were reminiscing about a crazy time when they got into a fight after a softball game with the other team and were suspended for a few weeks. Crazy story!

And yes, I did take a shot of Jameson with the brothers...and snapped THIS lovely picture of myself after that. Wow, that was quite the shot...ha ha!

It also is the look that I had after I agreed to participate in a segment on tomorrow's noon news at a local station. Yesterday I laughed my rear end off when the Curves owner asked if I would model a bathing suit on the news. I also was supposed to work, which was a GREAT excuse! Well, a girl asked me to switch tomorrow for Sunday and, after some hesitation, I said sure. Then, I was going to baby-sit for the owner's kids while SHE did the show. Then I found out that my friend from Curves was going to do it and I thought she tricked me (you know, baby-sit the kids instead of getting a free suit!). Come to find out, you need to have a tankini/one piece suit as a "before" and she didn't have one, so they still needed another model. I HATE bathing suits, but apparently these are to be "special" ones that are supposed to make me look good...yeah right! So, that is the plan for tomorrow...however, the guy from LA who called the owner asking for models was quite upset this morning that all the models she found are 5'4" or shorter, but beggars can't be choosers, right?! Definitely won't promise any pictures of me in my free bathing suit, but a photograph of this "special" suit is something I may be able to do.

Well, I am thinking I probably should do one of my performance evaluations. I have three left, and if I do one a day, then they will ALL be done in time to be turned in on Friday when I go to work. That SHOULD be "doable", but it will take a little motivation...which, since I've had them for over a month, seems to be something I am lacking.

Have a great day!

Break From Tradition

Besides the one summer I lived out-of-state, I cannot remember the last time I did not watch the fireworks after the baseball game. While it is possible we missed one or two, I definitely do not remember that! Even when I had to work at 7 AM the morning after them, I still went because it is "tradition" and SO much fun!

Although I had to work today, I wasn't going to miss this year (good thing my nephew wasn't born yesterday or that could have been a "tough call" ;o) ). My friend from high school was able to come and bring her nearly 3-year-old. We got to have front row seats with my dad (my mom "couldn't" go to the game since she was staying with my sister and brother-in-law for the week...yes, they live "almost" 10 miles away...). Two of my aunts and their families also came, but sat in a different section...

With the fireworks game, we never really care who wins as long as it is a fast one so they can get on with the fireworks! Well, I'm not sure what inning it started raining, but at first it wasn't very hard. My friend, her son, and I went and sat with my relatives under the canopy for a little while until it stopped. Of COURSE the game was tied after nine innings, so extra innings it was...but, at least it was still relatively early in the night. At the end of the tenth inning, it was still tied and that is when the sky opened and buckets of water started falling from it. My friend's son was GREAT through ten innings, but at that point started saying "I want to go home!" Yes, buddy, we want to go home too! We were DRENCHED! Thankfully, one of the "perks" we have for this game is getting "rock star parking" so did not have to walk very far to our cars!

Yes, I pretty much "stripped" in my living room and took a picture of my soaking wet clothes...you can't quite tell how wet they are, but I tried! Believe me, there wasn't a dry spot on my jacket and my capris were getting pretty heavy since they were so soaked! I was happy to be wearing flip flops!

Of course by the time we left the parking lot, the rain had slowed and had completely stopped by the time I got home. My relatives stayed to watch the fireworks that started shortly after that...you know, since they were DRY! The fireworks are set to music and I listened to the music, but it just was not the same. They played some tribute to Michael Jackson music and I wish I could have seen what those fireworks looked like! It was really sad to be sitting at home missing the fireworks...even though having dry clothes was pretty exciting, it didn't quite make up for the fact that I MISSED the fireworks!

I have to work again tomorrow, so didn't go to any parties tonight...I AM listening to the fireworks outside now, though, and can see some of them. I did watch some cool ones on television which isn't QUITE the same, but still fun.

Did anyone notice that my last post didn't have any baby pictures?! Well, this one will make up for that!

Last day with the bili lights...my sister called him her "little glow worm" which fits pretty well :o)

This is my attempt at trying to use the photography advice I have gotten...I am definitely still a work in progress! It was a cloudy day, but I was still trying to use the natural light from their big front windows...I'm thinking I should have at least turned on a lamp in their living room. However, to the naked eye, I don't think it is obvious that I had him laying on an ottoman for some of them and that my sister took some of them while I was holding him...I had to at least TRY to get some neat pictures from his first week since, as far as I know, they have not made any appointments with a professional photographer yet.

Well, back to work tomorrow and I'm pretty tired. Again, I was shown how much attitude can change things. I have taken care of one patient every single time I have worked since I got back from my eighteen-day vacation. Today I was not "assigned" that patient, so I knew it was going to be "different"...but possibly a welcome change. Then, it appeared I was "stuck" with two nurses that I'm kind of (hmm, don't know how to type that sound) "indifferent" I guess, but the other three were also kind of, "eh"...wow, am I glad that this isn't my "for real" holiday team! Anyway, at the end of the day, I realized that I definitely was given the best-case-scenario. My "side" started with seven patients (three nurses). Through the day, "we" sent one patient to transplant (always a bittersweet time), got a patient out of the ICU who was doing better, a patient who was ambulanced from another hospital to our floor, another admission who actually was kind of sick, and sent a patient home. So, if I have counted correctly, we ended with eight patients who looked pretty different than the ones we started with! However, it didn't ACTUALLY seem like that crazy of a day...and, any other combination of the other three nurses with me probably would have made for a not-so-fun day. Of course, we had a pot luck and I ate my first plate in maybe seven minutes and then an hour and a half or so later I got to eat my "seconds" in maybe eleven minutes...then, the rest of the day was borderline "slow" (of COURSE it has to be crazy busy when you are "starving"!) And, it only took 30 seconds for me to finish off a chocolate brownie with an hour left of my shift :o)

Back to work tomorrow...I am feeling like it will be a good day...and, as I have learned, "attitude is everything"...at least MOST everything!

Good night!

Flashback Friday--Reading

I am not sure where "Flashback Friday" originated, but I have read quite a few of "Gitz's" and they are always fun. I even tried my hand at one back in March (that was a fun one if you are bored!). And, even though it is nearly 2AM, I'm not sure I could sleep until I get this post out of my head (I KNOW I'm not the only one who has this issue...right?!)

When I was younger, I read...A LOT! I have been told that I started reading at a very young age (probably helped that I was the oldest so was surrounded by "grown-ups"!) and just took off. I LOVED to read and used to make lists of all the books that I read (since I don't throw ANYTHING away, I'm sure I could find some of those lists at my mom and dad's!) It was pretty common for me to read a book in a day. My favorite was The Baby-Sitters Club. I HAD to do a Wikipedia search and read this entire thing...definitely a flashback :o) I wanted to BE the Baby-Sitters Club, but was just one person and wasn't organized enough to have "a club"...I worked well alone ;o) Even before I read that, I was wishing someone would make a facebook quiz "Which Baby-Sitters Club character are you?" I always kind of thought I was a cross between Kristy and Mary Ann. Short, brown hair, sort of tom boy/athletic, but also pretty quiet/shy. But, I guess my "family life" was more like Mallory's, minus five kids...ha ha!

I also was a big fan of the Sweet Valley Twins. Now, I don't need a facebook quiz to tell me, I am MUCH more Elizabeth than Jessica ;o)

I read a LOT of Lurlene McDaniel's books that ALWAYS made me cry...I guess preparation for my future life as a nurse (and as a grown up in general!) when sad things like that really happen to real people. I remember wanting to work with HIV positive babies after reading "Baby Alicia is Dying" (and even went and visited a place like that when I visited NYC). She wrote books about teens with cancer, and even ones about kids who needed transplants. I'm pretty sure I read "Six Months to Live" more than once...looking back on this, I can see how God was working through those books that were placed in my hands at such a young age to help me in what I do now as an adult. I used to read "sad books" that also had "hope" and now I read "sad blogs" that really are more "hopeful" than sad...kinda crazy...or not!

I still love to buy books, but have not been doing a very good job at reading them. I have shelves of nursing textbooks. I have a good portion of a shelf with books on how to help grieving parents (read some of them!) and a shelf of "novels" of which half of them I have not opened. Of course, I STILL have not started this book that I bought a few months back...yeah, reading that probably would be a good idea!

Oh, I STILL do plenty of reading I guess...blogs, facebook status updates, emails, nursing policies and procedures, but I AM starting to feel like I need to read a good book! And, since I decided I'd like to see if my skin can tan in the sun, I suppose reading a good book outside is a good way to test that ;o) Wouldn't you know that just this month a girl at work decided to start a "book club"?! Wow, what a "coincidence"! Ha ha. Basically, she just put the title of a book out there and planned a date for "discussion". However, to make it "inclusive", it is basically a party (complete with book-related/themed alcoholic beverages...ha!) where those who have not read the book are also welcome. I'm not sure if I will actually attend the party, but I did buy this month's book today (with my mom's Barnes and Noble discount...oh, I forgot my card, here is the phone number...ha!)

So, if you YOU would like to read this month's book right along with me, maybe WE can have our own little "discussion"...of course, it won't be over drinks at a coffee shop, but it still could work. Without further adieu, the choice for this month is firefly lane by Kristin Hannah. FYI it is nearly 500 pages, so it is quite possible that it will take me longer to read it all...unless it is really good and then I will just have shorter nights! One of the reviews I just saw says that this book "goes a little too far into Lifetime movie territory", but hey, who doesn't love a Lifetime movie?!

I'll keep you posted on the progress...in the mean time, I should probably go to bed! Tomorrow night I am going to a baseball game with fireworks to follow. That ALWAYS means a midnight or later arrival at home and I am working on Saturday and Sunday. So, it could be quiet on this here blog for a couple days...unless my head is exploding with something that needs to come out before I could even THINK about sleeping!

To bed with me...Flashback Friday is Fun!
Good night!

I'm Still Here!

Wow, it has been a while since I put up a blog post! I'm doing fine...very good actually :o) I worked on Monday and do not go back until Saturday. Of course, I had a lot of "projects" to do during my days off and, well, it is now Thursday afternoon and I still have "projects" to do. Obviously, I'm not too worried about them since I have decided to post something on my blog! I did finally get to the grocery store yesterday and mowed my lawn. I actually bought some healthy food, so maybe this will be the summer when I lose some weight...it already has been the summer where I have learned to enjoy wearing flip flops, so anything can happen! I'm also going to see if some how my skin will decide to tan in the sun rather than burn...I was outside for about 20 minutes yesterday and my shoulders are a nice shade of pink, so that test didn't go so well.

Anyway, my nephew is one week old today, so here is a collage of his "first week".

Alright, maybe it is time to get off the couch and at least shower and eat lunch...and I do have performance evaluations to do...ugh!

Ta ta for now!