This morning, I received my first call from the foster care agency. I got my license in the mail on Saturday, so figured this day would eventually come...and, since I went online and bought a 5-point harness booster seat earlier this morning, it shouldn't have been THAT surprising that the call came today.
I was completely unprepared for that call. Although I had read about it, heard about it, I just didn't have a clue of how I would feel. As soon as I saw the number, I knew...when my house phone rang this morning, I wondered if that was "a call", even though the number they have his my cell phone. So, all the "signs" should have had me prepared, but I was anything but...
The woman on the other end of the phone gave me as much information as she had, but I had SO many questions. While I tried not to put "my foster child" into a box, the age and gender of this child seemed "perfect". That kind of child I "know" how to deal with (or so I think...ha!) This particular child has significant medical needs. Needs I knew I could handle, but not needs that my family would be able to help me with. I just didn't know what to say, especially since I DO work full time, and day care didn't seem like an ideal place. My heart was torn...I knew I could say "no", but what if I was supposed to say "yes"...what if this was "the call I had been waiting for".
As soon as I got off the phone with her so she could get some more information, I called my dad. I knew I couldn't give him much information, but I was freaking out...of course, his phone wasn't working well and we kept getting cut off, but he said "maybe you should get an 'easier' kid for your first one" before we were cut off once again. Then, I called the writer of this blog because has her first placement and I knew she would have some advice for me. She, too, reminded me that I could say "no"...this won't be the only call I get. Then, I texted my sister, and Steph, and Ginger...and then called Ginger because I seriously was freaking out and emotional and my stomach was in knots and I really didn't know what I was supposed to do. Quick prayers were really all I could do/ask for because it isn't like I could "sleep on it"...
When the woman called me back, she said that there would be medical day care available for the time when I am at work, but that I would need to get training today and bring the child to my home tomorrow. Well, I have to work tomorrow, so that pretty much "sealed the deal" (I also have to work on Saturday and Sunday...) That was an hour ago, though, and I'm still wondering if I could have/should have made a different decision. I could have seen if I could have the day off. I could have called in sick. It really could have worked...it would have been HARD work, but with the love, prayers, and support from my family and friends, it would have been okay...
But, I guess it wasn't "to be" and now all I can do is pray for a loving home for that little one...and spend some time getting my home ready before I get the next call.
I have tears in my eyes, that are slowly making their way down my cheeks...I definitely didn't know it would be this hard. I wasn't prepared for this.
Okay, time to clean :o)
1 comment:
Wow... That is something!! If I were you, I wouldn't worry about "what if" because if it is even doubtful, it is not the right placement. I agree with your Dad though, maybe an easier kid the first time would be best, but I also know we can't always have what we want. It's in God's hands. If He meant for it to be, you wouldn't have hesitated. That's just my thought. Or even if your hesitated, your heart would be leaning more towards yes. You will KNOW.
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