Rewind a bit...
I was to be at the school for Mass before the fundraiser at 4:30. I got a call from the girls' mom shortly before 4:00 when I was scrambling to finish getting ready (I did look cute...wish I had a picture ;) ). To say she was "pissed" is putting it mildly. Come to find out, she had no idea that the teen had a boyfriend and was LIVID that I was helping her "sneak around" to see him. Whoa, hold up...I had no idea she didn't know, I had no way of knowing she was so strongly against her SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD having a boyfriend, and most definitely do not advocate lying/sneaking around. I tried to get her to simmer down a bit, but she was SO angry and informed me that I am not to text, call, or in any way contact her daughter and am forever cut off from any contact with either girl...
Did I mention I was running late for my favorite event?
She told me she read all of her daughter's text messages and that there were many "highly inappropriate" text messages between the teen and her boyfriend (uh oh...I do/did trust them, but what exactly does this mean...not cool!) She asked me what I would have done if she would have gotten pregnant on my watch...she obviously doesn't talk to her daughter about that because that girl is HIGHLY judgmental of teenagers who get pregnant (I know that doesn't mean it couldn't happen, but I do feel like I know her and her goals well...although this withholding the truth does have me wondering...)
I am hoping things will be better after the dust settles and I really don't blame her for being upset about some things, but she blew things way out of proportion. She called me a couple more times during the evening and texted me to call her asap. I texted her that I was at an event and was not going to deal with this. The last thing I heard from her is that she is going to contact her previous caseworker and that "someone is in big trouble".
In the mean time, the teen is sending me messages from her email instead of her phone...yes, I'm at this event and trying to have a fun time (I did have wine in my hand during all of this). She said she wants to tell me her side of the story and that she has been wanting to talk to me for the past two weeks, but never found the right time. [I reminded her we weren't supposed to be talking to each other and also said sorry we didn't get to talk before things blew up.] What she wrote next (edited for clarity) hurts as much as the phone call telling me that I'm "cut off" from communication.
"I have thought about this a lot. You know how you said that your house would always be a home? Well, I really want to go back. I never wanted to live with my mom, I could not just say no when the case worker asked without trying it out. I have been so stressed and my grades are bad."
So yeah, that's that...and no clue when/if I'll find out any more. Angry teenager? Highly likely. Something more? Possibly. Anything to be done about it? Not sure.
I called the on-call caseworker who reminded me that I really am a "stranger" and I know that I have no legal ties and have to be okay with no more communication. Also, if she does allow us to talk again, I'll need to run communication through mom too (ugh!) I talked to my caseworker today and she said pretty much the same thing. I talked to two of the teen's teachers today and both of them are worried about the legal issue of talking to me about the teen when I am no longer her foster parent. I agree with their need to be careful and assured them that I'm not asking them to do anything they don't feel comfortable doing. I know the teen was scheduled to meet with her advisor this week, so am hopeful she can get to the bottom of what's going on with her. I realize that I cannot put them in the middle and I do not have a "need to know". I am about to email the principal to make sure I no longer get notifications about the teen's grades which I probably should have done before this happened. I care a lot about her and it proved to be too much of a temptation that likely played a role in how this all "went down" (on the other hand, my text accusing the teen of lying could actually help me).
I don't know what is going to happen from here, but it has been a rough day and a half, that's for sure. I'm watching the Gr@mmys and it is making me miss the girls so much, especially the teen since music is her "thing"...
Good night.
2 comments:
She was definitely angry. However, I don't see her message about wanting to move back to "home" as being hurtful towards you. It tells me she is UNHAPPY with her Mom, and she never wanted to be with her Mom in the first place. It sounds like she is reaching out to you to see if you could do something about getting her out of there. It also says that she really trusts you and loves to be at home with you.
Keep in mind that... if Mom screws up with the court... they can take HER children away. I don't think you did anything wrong. It is not your responsibility to mention the boyfriend... the teen is 17! If she wanted her mom to know, she would have told her mom. There's a reason why she didn't tell her mom. The mom, also, is lashing out at you because she is angry and probably cannot yell at the teen or she would be admitting some mistake she made. She had to yell at someone, so she chose you.
It is hard when you cannot do anything anymore. When the Mom realizes the need for you, she will come crawling back. Who else will be there for her kids like you were?
There's always emancipation you know... she is definitely old enough. Not with you! but with the other Mom.
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