And then, I actually got to talk to her and it was not at all what I thought.
Pretty much everything her mom told me she did was a lie.
I sat on the couch next to her as she quickly wiped away the tears that would not stop falling. This is not a teenager who is trying to run away from her problems. This is not a teen who wants to come live with me because I'll let her do whatever she wants (which I wouldn't ;) ). When I asked her why she wanted to live here with me, she said it was because she felt more supported here. I reminded her that my love and support is there in her heart even when I'm here.
She said that her mom stresses her out so much that she doesn't eat lunch. The stuff that she told me her mom says to her is borderline emotional abuse ("everyone" believes her mom is narcissistic, so this isn't at all surprising). It was so hard to sit here and listen to her story because it was not at all how I had prepared...and this issue is so much bigger than me.
She said that she has thought about it for a long time, talked to her friends, talked to her advisor, and talked to the principal. I let her know that I'm not sure if anything can be done (and if it can, it won't happen quickly), so tried to get her to think about what she can do "in the mean time" to stay focused on her goals. I asked her what I could do to support her...if coming here once or twice a week to study would help (if her mom was agreeable, which she didn't think she would be) or how much "Amanda time" she feels she needs.
I reminded her that if she takes this to the point of trying to make a legal move to my house that is not 100% supported by her mom (even if it is "supported" by her mom), she is risking losing her family. I told her that as miserable as her mom is making her feel now, it could get worse for her.
I have no idea what is going to happen. I haven't really thought about what it would mean for ME to have her move back in here permanently. What I do know is this is bigger than what I can handle myself. So, I called the on-call caseworker for my agency and she is going to try to see if it can be discussed at their staff meeting tomorrow to get more feedback. I also emailed the teen the information for the lawyer who was assigned to her when the case was active.
When I dropped her off, her mom told her to go clean the floors in the hallway and she was headed "out". I told her mom I'd call her after my meeting. I left her mom a message, but she didn't listen to it before she called me.
I was as pleasant as could be and for some reason she told me that she didn't want to know everything the teen told me because we should be able to have our own conversations (weird). She asked me why the teen lied to us. I said she didn't really say "why" she did, just that she apologized and I told her she can't do that to us, but we still love her (which is the truth...well, kind of because the teen didn't really lie in the way her mom said she did).
Her mom said she is leaving town as soon as she can scrounge up the money because her mom is sick. I asked her what she was going to do with the kids. She said family was going to help. I offered to help with the teen, but she said she didn't want to keep using me like that. I said it wouldn't be that big of a deal for me to help. Oh, and she mentioned that her aunt and uncle want to adopt the little one, but she said there is no way she is letting her family be broken apart. I suppose that could explain why she is on "high alert" these days...
So, again, we shall see...the drama/saga continues.
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