Do I have anything to say?: Now What

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Now What

I met with one of the women I wrote about in this post (the other one was busy with our big document deadline). I thought I would feel empowered and ready to take on the "world". However, I just don't. In fact, I feel overwhelmed and anxious, wondering why I ever thought I could actually be that "bold". I'm not sure what happened, but I'm definitely not feeling nearly as confident (and competent) as I did about "taking action" a week ago. Deep down, I know that I want to do what is "right" and be an advocate for myself and my co-workers. I know that a change can't happen unless it starts somewhere. I also know that I have support from people who don't work on my unit (and in "high places" even), but I'm still scared. (Maybe I need to pull out my copy of What Women Fear and re-read a chapter or two...ha!)

So, I'm not sure what is going to happen from here. She gave me the suggestion to ask management to let me borrow a copy of their "relationship-based care" book, but also said that I should bring a trusted person with me whenever I go talk to them. I'm not sure who would go with me or how long it would take me to get them to "buy into" how I want to handle things. So, in a sense, it could be easier to do alone, but it is still scary either way.

More to come...it's past my bed time and I haven't had to get up early for a few days.

Good night.

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This blog purposefully is left full name and location free out of respect to my family and to my patients/families. Due to the nature of my work, and having foster children in my home, it is important to maintain privacy and confidentiality. All photographs of patients were either given to me by the families or taken with family permission. Thank you for your understanding and support in helping me protect myself and "my people" =) If you have any questions, or want to know more about me, feel free to email me at iloveblogs44 {at} gmail {dot} com.

Who's Who

Updated September 2013

I have one sister who is married and has two boys. "A" was born June 2009 and "I" was born March 2012. We are both really close to my parents and have lots of "family dinners".

I wrote a lot about my patients when I first started this blog. Some patients are still growing and thriving, and others have lost their battles.

My first foster placements lived with me from June 2010-September 2011. They were sisters who were 15 and almost 3 when they were placed with me and are now 18 and 5. I called M "the teen" and L "the little one". They live with their mom who still has many issues, but are doing well (ok) and I still have (not enough) contact with them.

My second foster placement came to me September 6, 2012. I call her Zoe and she turned 5 in April. She has cystic fibrosis and has been a patient on my floor at the hospital. The plan is still reunification.

Ivy is a 17-year-old whose mom died just before Thanksgiving. She has a Guardian, but is unable to live with him due to some family issues. She has no other family who is willing/able to take her. She moved in with me the beginning of February. She moved to a group home at the beginning of August as her needs were too great for me with my schedule and having another child with special needs.