Choose: Change

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

~Mohandas Gandhi

Yesterday was a really good day at work. No yelling and no crying. I really needed a nice, smooth, drama-free day after the way the week was going. The night charge nurse kind of let an extra nurse work which was quite the change from how Monday went. I actually was a little bit "bored", but that's never a word you use in my kind of work (or probably any kind of work!) However, I was counting my blessings and thanking God for answering my prayers for a quiet shift all day long :)

I found a couple trusted people to talk to about what happened on Tuesday after my meeting (a Child Life specialist and one of the day shift charge nurses). During our conversation as well as the couple of conversations I had with one of the women from Tuesday, I decided that HR wasn't the right way to go. She also told me that it would be hard to explain why she was at the meeting if she was. However, all of us agreed that I do need to have someone else there whenever I meet with them. I don't want it to be awkward since I should be able to talk to management myself, but I also don't want my words twisted around (or ignored) and I don't want to be "bullied" (or told things would change without anyone there to hold them accountable to their promises). 

I am going to meet with two of the women on Tuesday morning to go over my "notes". I need to put together what I want to say/what the purpose of the meeting is. Basically, I think that my strongest emotion is sadness. I'm sad that this is the way things are. I'm sad that people don't trust them. I'm sad that they have seem to have no clue about a lot of things. I'm sad that the joy of my work is often corrupted by "drama" and "politics" that sometimes hinders the care I am able to give. 

It makes me nervous, but I feel like it is my responsibility to say something now that I know something needs to be said. If I want there to be a change, I need to "be the change". I can't wait for someone else to do something (especially since people have already tried). It takes a long time to re-build trust, but the re-building can't start until they know it needs to happen. 

More to come on this, but less than four weeks into the year and I think "Choose" was a good word for 2012...especially since Choosing "Change" isn't something I would normally do.