Do I have anything to say?: Choosing to Choose

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Choosing to Choose

Yesterday, I met with my "spiritual director". She is a really sweet woman and I'm blessed to have found what is a bit like another therapist, only free...and we do talk about some things that I don't talk about at therapy, but I'm definitely someone who likes to "talk it out" (hence my super long posts all the time!)

She was curious as to what I had decided on for my "One Word" since I had not 100% decided on "Choose" when we met at the beginning of December. I let her know about the post that Sara's sister wrote that pretty much "sealed the deal" and also that Alece had chosen the same word, which is cool too. Even though, like I mentioned in my first OneWord365 post, I sort of like being a quiet member of these (extremely) large communities, but am thankful that I have the opportunity to be a member and change my mind at any time in terms of how much I want to do. In any case, I think it will serve as a great reminder for me and also keep me accountable.

As she and I talked about what I want "Choose" to look like, I mentioned that I wasn't going to leave "trust" in the past. It isn't "so last year" and I know that I want my choices to be intentional and based on trusting God's hand in my life and it's journey. I also understand that just because I am focusing on "choosing", it isn't in order to be reckless because "I have choices", the choice is mine, free will kind of thing. However, I think being mindful of the choices that I make every day will help when I am faced with something that really does require me to "choose".

While I am not going to make "resolutions" because that's the whole point of picking one word, there are a couple of things I want to be mindful of during this year.

I realized that I get jealous about things/people more than I would like to admit, and more than I knew. So, in these circumstances, I will need to remind myself to choose thoughts/feelings besides jealousy.
Reading this post by Alece and this one from Annie showed me that I'm no where near alone in my struggles with friendships, community, and living as a single person. However, there are some things that can be done if I want to change what community looks like in my life. I want to choose to make time to cultivate that this year...with the friends I have, the friends I have lost touch with, and new friends to come.
Last year, I started a lot of books, but think I may have only finished one. I'd like to finish more than one book this year.
I found myself struggling at work the last few weeks/months of last year at work. I don't like who I became at work during those times, so will use my word to remind me to choose differently (tomorrow is my first day of work this year, so I'm hoping I had enough of a break to go in with renewed energy and a changed attitude!)
I don't want to make too long of a list, so I think I will leave this one as "everything else"--choices/conscious efforts to choose in aspects of my life from faith-building, family, parenting, and continued growth and learning from those people placed in my path.

I am choosing to believe that 2012 is going to be a great year!

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This blog purposefully is left full name and location free out of respect to my family and to my patients/families. Due to the nature of my work, and having foster children in my home, it is important to maintain privacy and confidentiality. All photographs of patients were either given to me by the families or taken with family permission. Thank you for your understanding and support in helping me protect myself and "my people" =) If you have any questions, or want to know more about me, feel free to email me at iloveblogs44 {at} gmail {dot} com.

Who's Who

Updated September 2013

I have one sister who is married and has two boys. "A" was born June 2009 and "I" was born March 2012. We are both really close to my parents and have lots of "family dinners".

I wrote a lot about my patients when I first started this blog. Some patients are still growing and thriving, and others have lost their battles.

My first foster placements lived with me from June 2010-September 2011. They were sisters who were 15 and almost 3 when they were placed with me and are now 18 and 5. I called M "the teen" and L "the little one". They live with their mom who still has many issues, but are doing well (ok) and I still have (not enough) contact with them.

My second foster placement came to me September 6, 2012. I call her Zoe and she turned 5 in April. She has cystic fibrosis and has been a patient on my floor at the hospital. The plan is still reunification.

Ivy is a 17-year-old whose mom died just before Thanksgiving. She has a Guardian, but is unable to live with him due to some family issues. She has no other family who is willing/able to take her. She moved in with me the beginning of February. She moved to a group home at the beginning of August as her needs were too great for me with my schedule and having another child with special needs.