Yesterday morning, I completely blew up at work. I rarely get that angry, especially not to the point of yelling at the person who pissed me off. I typically hold any anger inside and eventually let it go (although am slow to forget/forgive). I did let the person talk to me later regarding why she made the decision she did (that completely screwed my continuity of care/patient assignment on my third day in a row of working). I still don't agree with the decision, but maybe even more angry that she felt forced into making what I feel was a "not right" decision because of the way management is. I love my job because of the patients/families (even though one family was pushing my limits after the third day of their "special requests" even though they actually are nice people). I also like the majority of my co-workers. However, the "politics" and "drama" is not enjoyable.
I am usually a positive person. I try to be "glass half-full" even when the people all around me freely share their negative thoughts (every.single.day). I remember Sara and "Choosing Joy", but I'm growing weary of "fighting the masses" in regards to management when I have a hard time believing they are as good as I want to believe they are.
This afternoon, I sat in a work meeting fighting back the tears. I'm on a committee with nurses from all areas of the hospital working for the hospital to get recognized for excellence in nursing. One of our roles is to get "buy in" from the rest of the hospital and spread the word of all the amazing things our hospital and nurses are doing. I am thankful for this committee filled with nurses who love what they do and lots of the time I feel empowered when I leave. Today, though, it was hard listening to another manager talk about how important this is when I have gotten minimal support from my own manager. As I listened to people share, I got more and more upset about the way things are on my unit.
After the meeting, I couldn't hold off the tears and they came pouring out as I talked to a couple of people who actually work with upper management. It was nice to let it all out while also receiving the support I was obviously missing more than I knew. It is hard for me to talk to my peers (I'm sure I've written a few posts about things of that nature, but won't search for them now). It's even harder when you meet with your peers who are supposed to be the floor "cheerleaders" and are met with negativity and lack of interest when my role is to share and spread "the good stuff". Harder still is not having management back you up on a committee that the Chief Nursing Officer believes to be of "utmost" importance.
I have come to the conclusion after many days of nights of thinking that there is one really bit thing that is missing on my unit. Trust. The nurses on my unit do not trust management. How can you build a relationship without trust? How can we make improvements and grow when we can't trust our leaders?
Also, though, how can you fix something if you don't know it's broken? I don't think management has a clue how broken things are, especially since it is my perception that staff nurses' concerns are often de-valued, sometimes even ignored.
So, I think I need to go talk to management and discuss my "observations". I'm going to bring a "neutral" someone with me if/when I do, though, for my own "protection". It scares me to think about potential confrontation, but I'm not sure how much longer I can continue pretending like everything is okay. I'm going to need lots of prayers to keep my composure and not let my emotions get the best of me. I'll make sure to have all my notes ready, and maybe even practice my "speech" too.
Not going to happen tomorrow, but I do have to go back to work, so I'd better get some rest.
Good night.
2 comments:
Hey, Amanda! I know I read alot but never comment and I'm trying really hard to get better about that!
I just wanted to chime in to say that I was once in your shoes! I was in Mgmt (lower) and my boss was unsupportive, condecending and downright rude alot of the time! Not to mention she was doing some shady things that didn't seem right to me. I was new to the game and couldn't quite put my finger on it and really had no idea how to go about talking to the higer ups. Eventually (after about 2 yrs), I did talk to a few other employees in Mgmt and they had the same feelings/concerns. We went to Corporate and changes were made IMMEDIATELY! We were thanked and told that they counted on employees like us to let them know of these things since they can't be everywhere at once. It was such a relief!! Things were 100% better after that and we never looked back! Stay strong, have an ally with you and go for it! You'll be glad you did!! Praying for you!♥
Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. About 3 years ago, two people who were well-liked were "let go" in kind of a shady manner (they said they were going to combine their jobs into one, but so far they have not found anyone). I think that started the trust issue. Then, my manager became manager of another unit too. About a year and a half ago, they added associate managers to each unit. Adding all those people and communication is AWFUL! I really get along with my manager, but she is a "people pleaser". You go to her if you want something and if you're someone she likes (which I am), you'll get it (cool for me, but not "fair" at all). She sometimes makes promises she can't keep, though, so people find it hard to trust her. I find the associate manager intimidating and feel like she talks down to me the majority of the time and I'm not an idiot (most of the time ;) )
Anyway, that's a longer version of the story. I hope I'll be able to see positive change too. I think it helps that I'm not going into it angry and I really just want things to get better for everyone. I definitely appreciate your prayers!
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