For the Record

Just in case you thought that I was always considerate, kind, thoughtful, sympathetic...whatever other nice things you have ever thought about me...I am not.

For the record, today was a day there were multiple times I was not so nice. I'm putting it out there, just so you know (and, maybe to clear my guilty conscience a little bit).

After church, I stopped by my parents' house. We visited for a while. At one point, I really noticed the shirt my mom was wearing. Not sure where else she would be going today, I said something like "you seem to like wearing shorter shirts these days"... Okay, SO not very nice, however, the bottom part of her stomach was definitely showing underneath the bottom of the shirt. Now, my mom is not really overweight, but personally, I'm not a big fan of the belly hanging out from under your shirt on ANYONE. (I realize that I am short, so it is a little harder for shirts to be that short on me, however, most of the time I wear camis "just in case" because not even I want to see my belly hanging out the bottom of my shirt...) Also, for the record, this is not the first time I have seen her wear a "questionable" shirt...just the first time I said something. She was a bit offended by my comment, asked if it was "okay" for her to wear it around the house and it was not mentioned again.

My sister...well, I'm afraid that I have decided that as a pregnant person she kind of annoys me. Maybe it is because of all this reading I do about people who feel so blessed to be pregnant with a healthy baby that is it SO annoying how much she takes things for granted. She can't do this or that because she is pregnant. They were getting the nursery ready this weekend, so she didn't have time or energy to cut my hair. Then, we were at dinner at my grandparents' house and the topic of her shower came up. My cousin had "saved the date" for Father's Day. That was going to be "okay" with me, but lots of people like to have that day off, and it doesn't REALLY make sense for me to request it off (unless it was my sister's baby shower...). Well, apparently, three of my cousins will be out of town and that day won't work, and I think they will be gone the weekend before as well. My sister said that it could NOT be any later than Father's Day. I was like, there is NO reason you can't do it later in June (at this time, I didn't realize how late Father's Day is this year...oops) and she definitely told me to "shut up"...which, likely was deserved. They have been buying lots of stuff, and were planning to go get the stroller and car seat tomorrow. I have been telling her ALL the time that she should register for that kind of stuff and spend money on the other things. This is NOT something they really need to have tomorrow, right?! They registered for a high chair rather than the stroller...I'm like, seriously, you need a car seat way more than a high chair (my brother-in-law said..."So, you just feed him in the car seat then"...um, well you won't actually need a high chair until he can sit up by himself which is a couple months...probably wouldn't REALLY need a high chair until like 6, 9 months, right?!) She doesn't think people will spend that much money...HELLO, this is the first great-grandchild and we have well over 20 cousins...I'm thinking there can be money pooled to buy bigger things. I mean, HELLO, that's what happens when you have the first baby in the family! But, they didn't ask me...and, after the whole "shut up deal", I kind of decided I shouldn't do much more arguing.

So, nice girl all the time, I am not...and now it is on the record. My mom and my sister seem to bring out my "alter ego" more than anyone else, but that doesn't make it "right"....

I am tired even though I slept in pretty late today. Last week was pretty exhausting, and I work the next two days. I have to type my agenda for this week's meeting, so I'd better get to work on that...

Night.

Follow Up

So...I know I don't have one of "those blogs" where people kind of "freak out" if you don't post for a day or two. It used to freak ME out if I didn't post every day, but recently, I have decided that it is okay not to write if I don't feel like it :o) That being said, though, I figured I "owed" a "follow up" to my last post, even though I really feel like going to bed and sleeping for a LONG time!

Anyway...my previous post was "short and sweet" because I knew I needed to go to bed and that if I started typing what was going on in my head and heart I would NEVER go to bed, and would have a hard time falling asleep when I was done. "Just Pray" just seemed to sum up what was going on/needed. Of course, it is good for ANY day, but OTHER days I find more words to type ;o) (note, I did NOT say that other days I have something to say...ha ha!)

Kristy had her appointment yesterday morning and got a PERFECT report for her baby! SUCH great news (today they were painting the nursery pink...the first time after four boys!) SO much fun :o)

Stellan is still in the hospital and continues to struggle with his heart issues.

My friend's son is doing a little better with his pain. My "A" girl is back at home. My little patient from this post is making little bits of progress, and sat up in a wheelchair for about 2 hours today when family came to visit. Even though the "health care professional" prognosis is not good and the available treatment likely will not "cure" this patient, creating special memories during this time they do have is SO important. If I have learned ONE THING from my friends who have lost babies, it is that moments matter, minutes matter, and those memories will be treasured forever...

As a little side note, at the beginning of Lent, I also subscribed to something called "Minute Meditations". I get a daily email and they are short, and usually pretty meaningful. Today's, though, was "extra appropriate" for this week. The title was "Drought Relief" with this "thought"--"Faith, hope and friends offer us water even in times of drought--especially then. They are in those times God's very face." Oh how thankful I am for my friends who offer me water whenever I need it...so "refreshing"...ha ha (sorry, there probably is a MUCH better way to phrase that "pun" but that's all I got!) Yesterday's, too, was appropriate "Whether you are in a time of suffering or joy, interior war or peace, feeling weak or courageous--your thirst and God are with you."...nice :o)

I slept in my own bed last night and it was SO hard to get up this morning! I am determined to not turn my heat back on even though it is really cold in my house. So, I heated up my bedroom with a space heater so my bed was NICE and toasty and cozy :o) I worked again today and both yesterday and today were really good. Yesterday seemed to be "Compliment Amanda Day" which, I will admit, felt downright fabulous!

Well, I'm ready to hit the hay (oh, speaking of "hay"...funny kid story--one of our patients is four years old. Yesterday, the Child Life specialist went to see him. He called to her "Hey". She said "Remember, my name is Jane." He responded with "Well, can I call you 'hey'?" She said, "No, my name is Jane, so you should call me 'Jane'."--so cute!)...

Nikki, I am not ignoring the award you gave me...that was SO sweet! And, from that award, I learned from Juls that I was making this linking thing WAY more complicated than it needed to be (seriously, I ALWAYS went into "edit html" mode and typed in the whole deal "a href=" and all...SERIOUSLY!) Lisa, I am also not ignoring your email...thanks for contributing to "Compliment Amanda Day Week" :o) Ginger...thought you needed a "shout out" too...too bad the Panthers couldn't pull it out tonight, but I think that may have been a "sign"...we'll have to talk :o) Oh, and to my friend in our Nation's Capitol...hope your party goes well ;o)

Ok, so I probably shouldn't have done that many "shout outs" and NOT do them for everyone, however, this was supposed to be a "follow up" post and it has taken me 45 minutes to write this much. I'm freezing on my couch and my warm bedroom is waiting for me. So, ta-ta for now.

Good night.

Just Pray

I think I wrote enough yesterday about what's on my heart and in my mind.
So, for tonight, I will leave it at
"Just Pray"...

Good night.

Just a Mess

I’m a mess…have been since I read this on Monday. This didn't exactly help matters. Plus, my "A-team" girl was in the hospital, and my friend's son is having a terrible time with pain issues in the hospital here. So, things actually may have started to go downhill before then. In fact, I had a post about me being “jaded/skewed/warped” in the works inside my head that will probably eventually come out…. I really should have made more of an effort the past couple of days to sort through things little by little before it started to make me feel ill (although, to be honest, I’m not sure how many pieces of pizza I had for dinner, so that may also be playing a role…). I also should have remembered to look at my “Day by Day Through Lent” because this week began with “Clearing the worry from my mind”. Gee, that would have been GREAT to read on Sunday night, before Monday hit…and even better to read the days after that. But, hindsight is 20/20 as they say, and now I do know. And so, since I’m having difficulty with words right now, I think I will share what I would have read then, and HAVE read now.

Sunday—Clearing the worry from my mind—John 9:1-41; John 3:14-21; Luke 15:1-3, 11-32
The reflection on these readings about the healing of the blind man, the parable of the lost sheep, and the parable of the lost son was/is—“I cannot be afraid to be bold or worry about what others think of me. The man born blind didn’t worry about the outcome of his case; he stood up to the Jewish leaders and lectured them. Pray this week to have that attitude and to trust God no matter what.”

Monday—Taking Jesus at His word—Isaiah 65:17-21; John 4:43-54
Now, this would have felt like PERFECT timing had I read this on Monday. However, even reading it tonight was helpful. A portion of this written discussion was “Have I ever trusted God but had to wait to see the outcome?”…Well, that DEFINITELY sounds like this week in a nutshell for people all over the world who read blogs!

Tuesday—Do I want to be made well?—Ezekiel 47:1-9, 12; John 5:1-16
I’m not sure about these two passages…they didn’t speak to me quite as much as the others, but the reflection questions were ”Do I really want to trust God in everything? What would life be like if I did not worry?” hmm…interesting concept...

Today—The Son acts not on His own—Isaiah 49:8-15; John 5:17-30
Oh yes, Emily posted a portion of that first one on her blog the other day, and it absolutely contains the verse “For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones….”
Today’s reflection is—"If Jesus could do “nothing on his own,” surely I am even more dependent on God’s grace to overcome my problems. If worry (or anything else) is cluttering my life, I ask for God’s help. I, too, can do nothing on my own."

I really wanted to, needed to, in fact, write a more personal reflection and dig deeper into what is going on inside my heart and head right now. However, I just can’t seem to get that done. Words have been hard to come by, and all I’ve been able to come up with is a few phrases that I hope bring comfort…”I’m praying for you”, “I’m thinking about you”, “Sending hugs”, “Sending prayers”… I’m constantly wiping away the tears, or fighting them back with all my might. Baby-sitting this afternoon definitely helped some. The nine-year-old had her triplet friends come over for a while. They were a ton of fun! (Crazy girls!) Later, though, my emotions being where they are, I had to fight back tears even during Disney shows, and the movie that came on after them. The mom asked me to read to her from this book for school and it was about a girl whose family runs a funeral home…the chapter I ended up reading was about her dear relative who had passed away and her friend who was uncomfortable with funerals since her own mother had passed away…talk about “light reading”… Anyway, reading these bible verses and reflections were VERY helpful. And, although I didn’t really get down to the “nitty gritty”, I think it’s enough to allow me to sleep.

And, I now have the “key” to unlock the wireless connection, so that is nice (although, I did type this in “Word” first so I would stay focused on the task at hand instead of wandering away to facebook…ha ha!)

The kids have to be up by 6:30, so I'd better go to sleep!
Good night.

Baby-sitting

I brought my laptop to the house where I am baby-sitting. Unfortunately, their wireless is password protected and I am not sure if the kids know the password. Anyway, I NEED to journal very badly. My emotions are crazy and I need to let it all out. So...I'm thinking about typing into "Word" tonight and then posting it tomorrow (all the kids are at friends' houses right now, but I'm hearing they will be back in a few minutes so we can order Chinese for dinner). My heart is hurting for Kristy and MckMama and their families...I am barely able to contain the tears, but I guess four crazy 9-year-old girls was a pretty good distraction for a while :o)

Until the next time...please keep these families, and the families of many of my other friends who are hurting too...in your prayers.
Thanks!

Stellan's Prayer

Nikki sent this prayer to me that she wrote for Stellan . She posted it on her blog, I'm posting it on my blog...feel free to post it on "yours" as well.


Strong with God's Grace

Thoroughly loved from miles afar

Even in his darkest hours

Love will always shine

Lord, please help him fight

And be present in all our lives

Near and far, friends and strangers unite

May the Power of our Prayers

Coarse through yours and mine

Know that we love you, whatever your plans are

In your Infinite Wisdom, we acquiesce

Nurture this little soul with your Love, in the

Name of all that is Sacred, please help

Endure this burden for Stellan

Your creation is humankind's priceless jewel.

Amen.

Smells Like Spring

As soon as I stepped outside early this morning, I could smell it. I could FEEL it in the air...Spring! I was actually almost warm in my long-sleeved shirt walking from my car to the door of the hospital.

Now, I would probably say that I LOVE fall more than I LOVE spring, but the smell of spring was SO wonderful this morning. Even though I felt the spring a few days last week, including yesterday, today, I smelled it too :o)

What a difference a day makes...today was REALLY slow at work and I ended up getting to leave early (nice little "reward" from the day I had on Friday!) I didn't get to take care of my one patient from Friday, but am going to try to change my assignment tomorrow so I will be. Apparently, the patient signed the letter "A" LOTS of times yesterday, and the nurses who were working didn't really know what that was all about...it PROBABLY would have been a little more appropriate to teach signs other than one that was for ME, but there is no going back! That kid really does like me and got a huge smile when I came to visit (since I was not busy, I "visited" a few times). It really warms my heart, and hopefully there is more positive progress this week. I brought some paper and markers to the room today even before I knew that drawing is this kid's "thing" and I think that will be good therapy, and maybe help with communication too.

I also had a chance to visit for a quite a while with my friend who painted my guest room two summers ago. Her son had a transplant that year, but will need another one after a couple bouts of rejection. She started a "blog" and has found writing to be therapeutic for her. She is working lots of extra hours now so she will be able to have some time off after his next transplant. She is SO great and it was nice to be able to have that time today (the past few weekends we have seen each other in passing, but that's about it).

I left work just as it started to sprinkle. It was actually a pretty warm rain for March and felt SO nice! As I was leaving mom and dad's after "family dinner" (I got to eat with "the family" rather than eating alone whenever I got there after work!), I saw some lightning and heard thunder. I LOVE thunderstorms, so am hoping there will be a little more of that (AWESOME sleeping weather, in my opinion!) The temperature is currently in the low 60s, but if I am looking at the 7-day forecast correctly, it looks like snow could be coming...crazy weather!

Well, spring DEFINITELY smells better than whatever was going on in my guest bedroom yesterday. It no longer smells, but my dad did come to "check it out" today. Thankfully, he did not find anything that once was living and had since died (apparently, he tried to get my mom to come with him "just in case" there was something there, but she opted to let him come alone...funny!)

In "bracket update"...such MADNESS this weekend! However, I remain in third place. There are a couple things that need to happen in order for me to move into first place, but it is still possible. Such a fun way to watch basketball :o)

I suppose I should head to bed since tomorrow is definitely Monday and it could be extra crazy since there are quite a few beds that can be filled!

Good night.

Running for the Arches

Golden ones.

And for cheese quesadillas, chips, and salsa too.

I actually got up at a "fairly decent" hour this morning. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and it looked like it was going to be another great day. While it would have been fun to spend the entire day watching basketball again today (I actually still kind of did that since I got an "early" start), I decided I shouldn't waste this beautiful day.

Plus, I wanted a Shamrock Shake ...

Until about three weeks ago, I had never heard of a "Shamrock Shake". Apparently, they are a "Golden Arches Special" around St. Patrick's Day. However, from my Google search this evening, it sounds like they are not sold at all locations or in all states which has people VERY upset. Anyway, I DID stop by the McDonald's by the hospital after my blood donation March 12. I DID enjoy my "Shamrock Shake" just like Kristy said I would. :o) After this week (you know, sick to my stomach one day, missing meals another day...), I figured I "deserved" another one (especially since there are only 9 days left of March)...

However, I also thought I should spend some time outside considering how much I complained about the cold and snow this winter. So, I headed to one of the bike trails (same one I went to on Monday...I park in the Kohl's parking lot which is another incentive to go...ha ha!) I decided that I wanted to run 2 miles today, since I ran about 1 on Monday. Now, I am not a "runner", but I am MUCH better on my own two feet than on any kind of wheels. Thinking about getting on a bike is a scary thought for me. My sister won't let me forget the time I nearly killed her ran her over when I tested out her roller blades in junior high. During my run, I decided to go 2 1/2 miles, and averaged about 11 minute miles...some longer-legged folks could probably WALK that fast...and was happy with that, especially since my last half mile was into the wind (so much for "may the wind be always at my back...") I really have no clue how those contestants on The Biggest Loser ran over 13 miles last week...CRAZY!

Anyway, after I "walked it out" and stretched, I did a "little" shopping at Kohl's before heading to the "Featured Destination" (mind you, I ran past it TWICE!). There was a LONG line at the drive-thru even though it was about 1:30. I was tempted for a moment to park and go in, but only for a split second. When I got to the window, I checked the menu and did NOT see "Shamrock Shake" listed...so, I asked. The guy acted like he didn't know what I was talking about...but said "no", they didn't have any...so, I had to "settle" for an Oreo McFlurry...I KNOW "poor me" =o(

It was only a three mile drive home, but my McFlurry was gone before I got into the garage...boy was that good...although, not exactly the taste I was looking forward to (plus, I'm thinking the oreos added a few additional calories...but, I suppose, if you are going to have a dessert from McDonald's, you must not be TOO worried about things like that!)

So far, my bracket is holding up pretty well, and I am currently in third place (any help cheering on the Pittsburgh Panthers would be appreciated...ha ha!) :o) I didn't miss out on TOO much basketball during my "outing"!

I actually watched some other shows from my DVR during "dinner" which consisted of some of my other favorite foods that are not consistent with "healthy eating" (you know, chips, cheese, tortillas, salsa)...but, that's why I exercised, right?! (And, I DEFINITELY had oatmeal for breakfast so it all balances out!)

Back to work tomorrow...hopefully I'll be able to get "my" patient back from yesterday. Hopefully more progress has been made and we can work on some ways to help with communication...I really think that some sign language would work and make things less stressful for the patient and the family (and the nurses!)

Maybe I should check the OTHER location tomorrow when I get off work...just in case...2 1/2 miles (plus a mile of walking!) is enough for TWO desserts, and a dinner of carbs, cheese, and salsa, right?! (Well, when I put it that way, carbohydrates, dairy, and vegetables sounds pretty well-rounded...plus, it was MANGO salsa, so a bit of fruit as well...ha ha!)

Good night.

Not THAT Way!

So, I may have mentioned that part of my "Lenten Deal" was to do a little more fasting/eating healthier/losing weight/whatever you want to call it. And, it was a tiny bit upsetting when I weighed myself on Monday after going weeks without my Diet Coke, candy, chocolate, snacks, you know, all the stuff that tastes REALLY good. Well, Wednesday I couldn't eat dinner because I was sick. Yesterday, I still didn't feel "quite right" and didn't feel like taking my chances with puking up anything besides bread and water/coffee. Today, well, I didn't get breakfast besides my Carnation Instant Breakfast at 7:00 and a cup of coffee around 10. And, I was SO busy that I didn't get to eat "lunch" until 5:30. Um, this is definitely NOT the fun way to "be healthy" (from what I know, throwing up and starving are not exactly "healthy" no matter how you look at it...). Now, it WOULD have made for an even better story if I had said that the 5:30 lunch/dinner was enough to tide me over until breakfast...ha ha, now THAT would have been some good will power! Anyway, I'm thinking this weekend I may may "splurge" considering I got a box of Tastefully Simple stuff in the mail on Wednesday...including salsa. Oh how much I LOVE chips and salsa...and microwave popcorn, but that didn't come in my box.

So, work was crazy busy for me. While I love ALL three of the patients I had, they were not a very good combination. All of them were busy/"needy"/sick and required lots of extra care. Usually, we try to split up those kinds of patients, but it didn't work out like that today. As busy as it was, though, my co-workers helped as much as they could. There wasn't much they could have done to help me get to lunch at a decent hour (although, come 4:30, I finally called the lead nurse and had her come give me an extra set of hands).

My manager went and talked to the mom of the patient I wrote about yesterday. That mom expressed how much of a difference she had seen in her child since transferring to our institution. They had been in another local hospital for a couple weeks and she said that within three hours, she knew they were in the right place. Apparently, it was the first time since diagnoses that caregivers actually talked to her child when they entered the room and they have seen a glimmer of hope. Today, that child even cracked a huge smile when I was in the midst of making fun of myself, signed "I love you", showed thumbs up, gave me high five, and blew a kiss...such amazing progress in a short time. It truly is the little things that can go a long way. Aesthetically, my hospital is anything but stellar, but that mom said “I would not care if your hospital was in a cardboard box, as long as I had the nursing staff and physicians...that is all we need”. Wow! And, I suppose the REAL point of this story is that my manager emailed this story to the hospital "high ups" as well as to all of the staff. Even though we KNOW we do a good job, and do not do it for validation or recognition. However, when it comes back in a way like this, it definitely helps lift your spirits. (Even though it was a slightly different situation, Kristy's post about A Servant's Heart really spoke to me.--"God calls us to serve. Not just when it is convenient, not just when someone else might notice, not for what we may get in return, but always."--it is definitely hard work at times, but the rewards are priceless, whether they are only in my heart or shared with the CNO...)

I spent all day yesterday watching basketball and have had it on ever since I got home from work tonight. Yesterday, I got 14/16 in my bracket. Today wasn't quite as good, and there are still four games in progress...still fun though :o)

Good night!

Eight Thirty

Well, I couldn't think of a title to really sum up yesterday and today, so "Eight Thirty" seemed as good as any because...

that is what time I went to bed last night...

Let me "rewind" to the morning. I was all happy walking into work in the morning. Why? Because I realized that I had only worked one out of five days and those four days off were NOT spent worrying about anything work-related. That is actually pretty big for me. Not that it is a terribly bad thing that my heart often is unable to leave those worries at work, but it is nice to have a break from that in order to give my emotions a little time to recover.

While I SOMEWHAT had a say in the patients I was assigned yesterday, I didn't realize until I started looking at the care plans that it was going to be an extra busy day. I love taking care of the transplant patients and some of my most stressful days were days I didn't have as many of those patients. (I think it is because I "know" what to do with them and the other patients are unpredictable in a different kind of way...kind of hard to explain because transplant patients probably are some of the MOST unpredictable patients who tend to get very sick very fast...) Anyway, I found out that two of my three patients were on the oncology service. Some people are cut out for that, but that is definitely not my "cup of tea".

One of my patients needed chemotherapy, but thankfully it was pretty "easy" as far as chemo goes (for some reason, giving chemo is really stressful for me...we check, double check, triple check everything, but it still makes me anxious about making a mistake). One of my other patients proved to be a really big challenge for me emotionally. It is a patient newly diagnosed with cancer who was previously healthy and now unable to do anything independently...not talk, not eat, not roll over, not even able to sit up. It took everything I had not to burst into tears every time I entered that room...

The first time I sat down was for lunch at 2:30 (thankfully I had my Carnation Instant Breakfast and oatmeal!) I hadn't had a chance to have ANY coffee, and have been doing a good job at not drinking Diet Coke, so I just drank water.

Yesterday happened to be "picture day". Once a year, a photographer comes and takes pictures of the patients who want their photos taken. Many of them have never had their picture taken professionally for various reasons. The "plan" was for the photographer to take a picture of my patient in the hospital bed. The physical therapist was going to come help with that. I decided that we could take the patient into the room where he had everything set up with lighting and such. The mom was elated that the child could leave the room. It was quite an ordeal, but we got them all set up on the couch for a much more "normal" looking picture than in a hospital bed. Then, I ended up being the first to inform the mother that her child didn't have to wear hospital gowns, but she could bring clothes from home. (Of course, I had to hold back tears during the photo and her reaction to the whole clothes thing as well...)

Around 5/6:00, my head started to hurt. I figured it was due to the lack of caffeine since I usually drink quite a few cups of coffee every day. One of my patients got to go home at 6:30, so I was a lot less busy after that. By that point, I also started to feel kind of nauseous, but again, figured it was a caffeine (and possibly stress-related as well since I had a frontal headache and my eyes hurt like I needed to get my contacts out ASAP...and could it even be due in part to the "unhealthy sandwich" and green beer from the night before?!) During nursing report, I had to close my eyes and hold my head and was SO thankful that it is only a five minute drive home. I figured that once I got my contacts out, I would be "a new woman".

Well, I got my contacts out and then I lost it...thankfully into the toilet. I hardly EVER get sick, especially not "vomiting sick" (and, I don't get headaches that often either). Once I threw up, I thought I was good...I could go check on "my blogs" that I missed out on all day long while at work and maybe even type a blog post. I grabbed my lap top and was going to chill out in bed and then, back to the bathroom I went. I called my grandma to take a rain check on lunch today since I had no clue how long this would last, and I went to bed...

at eight thirty.

The very good part of this story is that I slept straight through until the 5:00 hour, and didn't actually get up until almost 10:00. It was SO nice that I already had today off, that I could just sleep since I didn't have any other responsibilities (my cluttery house can stay that way for a little longer), and I am VERY thankful that so far there has been no more vomiting (I still feel like I have a bit of a weak stomach and a slight headache, so I probably should try to go to bed a little earlier tonight!)

I did make it up to work out. Although it wasn't a very good work out, I'm glad I at least made some of an effort because I spent the remainder of the day just sitting on the couch (watching basketball, reading blogs, and chatting on facebook/gmail...perfect day...ha ha!). I didn't even shower until after 4:00 before meeting a friend for dinner. We had a nice visit so I am glad I felt well enough to go. I went to choir practice and visited my parents for a few minutes before coming back home to my spot on the couch...

Back to work tomorrow. Hopefully the night of extra sleep and the day of "laying low" were enough...I suppose, as I have said more than once, "I can do ANYTHING for one day", right?!

Good night.

♣ Happy St. Patrick's Day ♣

An Irish Blessing

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
May the rains fall soft upon your fields,
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

I kind of forgot about how "big" St. Patrick's Day is! I actually didn't know until two days ago that I actually HAD any Irish in me! (It was news to my mom as well when my dad "mentioned" that at dinner the other night. He said "well, my name is Irish"...and MINE is Latin...anyway, it was pretty funny to find that out after 29 years...my mom said it has been even longer for her!) I guess since I didn't know I was Irish, I never made any "extra special" plans on this night. I did, however, go to New Orleans about five years ago and was there for St. Patrick's Day. Too bad this is the ONLY picture I could find from that trip (and it isn't THAT great of one), so I don't exactly remember the year. Anyway, I had a pretty bad cold and wasn't sure about mixing TOO much alcohol with the cough syrup, but we still had a great time. (This was at Pat O'Briens for hurricanes and dueling pianos.)

Since I now know that I at least have a LITTLE bit of Irish in me, I decided I should have my first "green beer". Yes, this was taken tonight...wearing the SAME shirt (actually not the same jacket, but nearly identical!) It was a little snug, but I made it work (with a little help from a new cami with a built-in belly control-top type deal...you know, those things can only "help" so much...)

Anyway, it was another nice day here weather-wise. However, I gave my burning thighs a break from jogging and long walks today. Instead, I went out to eat for lunch AND for dinner! I went to lunch with my mom and sister before going maternity clothes/baby stuff shopping. I was actually pretty good at lunch and ordered a salad with grilled chicken, dried cranberries, and strawberries along with a muffin (I also ate my sister's cole slaw, so maybe I didn't do THAT great, but I didn't eat breakfast before that.) Dinner, well, as you can see, I definitely drank a green beer. I also had spinach-artichoke dip and a very unhealthy sandwich, but DID manage to skip the fries and got a salad which was REALLY tough! I'm DEFINITELY not cut out for The Biggest Loser...tonight they showed those people running a half-marathon...WOW! That's awesome :o)

My dinner meeting was with a friend who asked me to be her partner for fantasy baseball. She has been doing LOTS of research about this, so I think it will be a lot of fun. I already LOVE baseball, so this will be a fun way to watch it this year. I think I have my bracket for March Madness ready to go...I need to plug it in to the system before I go to bed so I don't try to change my mind (I didn't do much research and basically made sure I chose some teams it would be fun to cheer for.)

I will close this St. Patrick's Day post (my first one as an Irish woman...ha ha!) with a portion from the St. Patrick's "Breastplate" Prayer (which, honestly, I found when I Googled St. Patrick and prayer just a little while ago.)

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of demons,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

♣Happy St. Patrick's Day ♣

Good night!

There are Moments When...

There are moments when I wish...

• that I had "a honey"...like Saturday night when I stopped by the fundraiser at my church. I got there shortly before the dance started and the couples looked SO cute when the slow songs came on and filled the dance floor; or
• that I had a daughter in middle school...like Saturday night when I filled in for my dad as coach of his basketball team. How I would love for my dad to be there to help me through those years...; or
• that I had a toddler or preschooler...like today when it was SO nice outside, but going to the zoo alone isn't nearly as fun, and going to the park alone would be kind of strange; or
• that I had a baby...again, like today when I thought it would be more fun to go for a walk if I had a stroller to push and the past five times I worked when I cared for a newborn; or
  
• that I was experiencing pregnancy along with my sister (and friends)...like yesterday when I saw how cute her belly is with a baby growing inside knowing that a beautiful life has been created especially for her...

But then...I am reminded about the MANY moments when...

• I get home after a shift that zapped me of every ounce of energy and compassion and I am thankful that no one needs me here; or
• I sit at home on the couch behind my computer, in front of the television knowing that I am virtually responsibility free; or
• I receive a call that one of my patients is really sick, or has died, and I am able to stop whatever I am doing and be with them, or spend extra time with them, or pick up food, or do their laundry...; or
• I have looked at my life the way it is and thought it was "perfect"...; or
• I have thought about how God works and know He has a plan for me and my life...if I leave it up to Him, He will do His best (just like the canvas that is on its way to me says!)

This sort of seems like a sad post. I suppose, in some ways it is. While having a child in junior high right now wouldn't have been a good "goal", my childhood hopes and dreams for where I'd be at "age 29" was NOT this. However, THIS, feels so "right", and so "perfect" so much of the time that it is hard to be TOO sad about the way things are. Not exactly what I had "planned", but I would have missed out on SO much had I been the one "in charge"...

So, I am taking THIS moment, once again, to remind myself that God will continue to work in me and through me, and continue to bring wonderful people into my life if I allow Him to. If I am meant to be a wife and/or a mother, that time will come. In the mean time, I will continue doing what I am doing, and be thankful for all that I have been given.

Good night.

Oh, I "found" another blog last night (as IF I needed another one...my mom asked me how many blogs I read "um, about six?!"...yeah, about six...that's what I told her anyway...pay no attention to that "blog list" on the left!) which happened at a pretty funny time considering Ginger mentioned it today on her blog. The post I read was about wondering how your "blog friends" would find out if something happened to you...something I actually HAD wondered considering only one person I know "in real life" reads my blog occasionally. Anyway, it was a pretty interesting read for my first time visiting! After that, she wrote a post about a new thing she is doing called "Extreme Makeover {Me Edition}"...I think I may keep my eye on that, because it sounds interesting!

Okay, for real good night now :o)

Flashback Friday--The Baby-sitter

I'm not sure where the idea for "Flashback Friday" originated, but I have been wanting to write a post with that "theme", and finally had something fun to write about. In thinking about this title, it also brought back memories of this book and reading other books by R.L. Stine (and Christopher Pike !) But, this isn't actually about that book (although I can't believe I was able to baby-sit after reading it!)

As I have written here MANY times, I love kids, and always knew that I was going to spend my life taking care of them. It had been a while since I baby-sat, but recently I have become "The Baby-sitter" once again. This afternoon, I met a family whose is going to have me watch their three kids when they go out of town in a couple weeks. I still think it is just a little strange how willing people are to leave their children with me. I mean, I know that I am safe and would never do anything to harm their children, steal their things, bring illegal substances into their house, etc., but how do THEY know that after talking to me for less than an hour? Obviously, those people who read this blog regularly "know" me, and figure that I'm not a "closet criminal" because I am honest and sincere in my writing, but I wouldn't blame ANY of you to do a more extensive interview prior to leaving your loved ones in my care... Anyway, I digress and will get to these "flashback photos" (eventually!) I am, however, looking forward to making a little extra cash. I was SHOCKED at how much I made baby-sitting the last time, but decided to go ahead and ask for that same amount this next time. They didn't bat an eyelash, so that will be great! It is one of those "God will provide" type deals...because of this extra, unexpected income, I have been able to do some "extra" things for my friends and family that cost money. I LOVE that there are little things I can do that mean a great deal and cost little to no money, but it is fun to be able to do those "money things" every once in a while as well.

I went through my scrapbooks (I have a couple small ones from birth to the end of 1994, and then ones from college) in order to "prepare" for my "Flashback Friday" post (I have ideas for another one, but it does take a little more effort to remove photos from a scrapbook and scan them, so it may be a few weeks!) It was really fun (and a great way to avoid doing anything around the house!)

I was a little disappointed that this is the best picture I could find from this time period. However, there is still a story to tell. Obviously, that is me on the left, and my sister on the right. The "little one" is one of my (many) cousins. As I mentioned, I have ALWAYS enjoyed taking care of "the little ones" and it was around this time that I changed my first very dirty diaper. As the story goes, the three of us were in the care of a baby-sitter who allowed us to eat LOTS of Starburst. Of course that led to my cousin having some "digestive issues" and it was messy. Apparently, the baby-sitter was not able to handle that task, so I "stepped it up" and took care of things (and must have shared the story with "the parents" when they got home because it is still a story that is talked about at family gatherings). Little did I know that I would STILL be "playing with poo" this many years later!

This is the very first family I baby-sat. I started watching them with the fourth child was two months old. I was only TWELVE years old...watching four kids including a newborn. Craziness! I think I made $4 or 5/hr and thought that I was rich! This picture was taken one of the times I came home for break during college. The oldest child is getting his PhD in Physics, and that "newborn" is about to graduate from high school. They are still the NICEST kids (probably since they had such an awesome baby-sitter when they were little, right?!) I used to bring "stencils" which they LOVED. I also learned the hard way that if you create dirty dishes when you are baby-sitting, you need to wash them. I never forgot to leave the house nicer than when I got there again!

I worked at a day care for kids with special needs my Junior and Senior years of high school and all through college. I had forgotten about this picture and think it is a REALLY cool picture! At the time, the day care used a church, but now have their own facility. Only two of the kids were actually there because of "special needs" and the others are either siblings or staff kids, but it is still cool. I love the colors in this photo, and also how the littlest one found something to stand on so he was as big as the others :o) (I know ALL about being shorter than everyone else!)

This picture doesn't really have anything to do with baby-sitting, but I was telling someone the other day how much I LOVED seventh grade. We did wear uniforms, but this picture was taken on the last day of seventh grade, so we got to "dress down". This is just my homeroom, so only about half of the class. Our teacher's classroom was the only one in the basement, so we were separate from the rest of the school and thought we were SO cool (and, let's face it, we WERE!) The "trouble makers" were in the other homeroom with not NEARLY as cool of a teacher, so we really were "extra special". (Just in case somehow you are unable to find "me", I am sitting on the floor wearing a fuchsia shirt...and "Umbros" if you must know! Not sure what's going on with those shoes, but they definitely look like they are three different colors. I was going to guess they are K-Swiss but I may not have been able to get a pair of those yet...they may have come in EIGHTH grade!)

Ahh, Flashback Friday is SO much fun...I may just have to do it again sooner rather than later :o)

Tomorrow is the memorial service for my friend's husband. Prior to that, I am going to go have breakfast with my mom (I bought some "steel cut oats" and "flaxseed" after reading this post because, you know, I am weird like that, but they are pretty yummy. Quite often, if I am off on a Saturday, I will have breakfast with my mom and she will make either oatmeal or cream of wheat. This time we are going to "change it up" a little bit...ha ha!)

Okay, so now it is actually an hour into Saturday, but "Flashback Saturday" just doesn't have the same ring. Time for bed (maybe anyway!)
Good night!

I'm a Winner!!

Three weeks ago, I wrote this post which mentioned a blog I had "rediscovered". The quote she chose for this week's canvas giveaway was--“God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.” ~Jim Elliot--I had never heard this quote, but it was appropriate for the kinds of thoughts I have been having. So many of my "blog friends" have already embraced this, and I am learning to try and think that way too. (Yesterday's contest entry also didn't have any requirements that involved thinking, so of COURSE I jumped at that chance!)

This afternoon, I was taking a little break from working (I had a MUCH slower day today which was much appreciated. I think I was the ONLY one who was "slow", so was able to help my much busier co-workers...hopefully they thought I was "helpful" anyway!) and checked my email/Google reader. I started to skim through the latest post on that blog. I NEARLY missed my name and my comment as "the winner" of the canvas. (Of course, I wasn't in the company of anyone who "gets" blogs, so I had to do all my celebrating internally until I got home. I could hardly wait to share my excitement with my "blog friends"!)

The "buzz" on her blog is that these canvases may start being for sale...or in some way be available to those who are NOT "winners" (I am grinning from ear to ear about being a "winner"...LOVE it!) In any case, take a look at the canvas that is soon to be mine. Hopefully I'll be able to find someone to take a picture of me with it.

(And, not to make light of her illness, but since Gitzen girl can't even breathe the outside air [but has an AMAZING attitude and has found wonderful ways of blessing people without even leaving her home!], I can assure my mother that there will be no stalking going on, even though my address was a requirement if I actually want that canvas to be delivered to my home...)

SO, it was a very exciting day for me :o) Good day at work (with free lunch!) and being a winner....Sa-WEET!

Ok, I should stop with the gloating before she changes her mind or something :o)
Good night.

What is it about this "blogging thing"?

So, I was sharing what I thought was a pretty good story with my mom the other day. Apparently, I have not learned when to stop the stories short because when the word "blog" is mentioned in relation to anything I tell her, the "specialness" of the story goes right out the window. Yesterday, I thought I learned my "lesson" and was giving her only the details she needed to know. Of course she had to "pry" and the words "blog friend" came spilling out. She told me she just doesn't get the whole "blogging thing" (she also doesn't understand why anyone would want to use facebook or myspace...and my mom isn't THAT old!). Anyway, she likened my "blog friends" to being in a "celebrity fan club". I mean, she said, they are "real people", but not "really"... Even though I shared this article that declared "everyone should blog" way back in October of 2007, it still makes absolutely no sense to her. All I could respond to her (while she was at work, of course) was "it is what it is"...and that's how it is.

But, it DID make me think a little bit...

A "blog" by Wikipedia terms is "...any bit of media wherein the subject expresses his opinion or simply talks about something". Maybe I should share with her about the "Therapeutic Benefits" of blogging as posted on Wikipedia--"Scientists have long known the therapeutic benefits of writing about personal experiences. Blogs provide another convenient avenue for writing about personal experiences. Research shows that it improves memory and sleep, boosts immune cell activity and reduces viral load in AIDS patients and even speeds healing after surgery." So, there you go :o)

Have no fear, I will continue to "blog", and continue to make "blog friends". In fact, it was a post by my newest "blog friend" (as well as the recent conversations with my mother) that prompted this post. She gave me a little "shout out" in a post called Kindred Spirits . In that post, she said that I have been a reminder to pay more attention to her relationship with God. Me?! Really?! Wow!

If that is indeed the case, (obviously, there isn't any reason NOT to believe her!), than I must be honest and say that it is because of my OTHER blog friends that I myself have started to pay closer attention to God and His working in my life. From behind the screen of my computer I have read time and again of women (and men...thank you CF Husband ;o) ) who have experienced more pain and hurt in their lives than the "average person" can imagine. And yet, they always turn to God and find Him even in the midst of their suffering. All those people in my growing list of "blogs I frequent"...I definitely believe that my faith is stronger, my life is fuller, because God brought them and their "stories" into my life. I am still not an avid Bible reader, and I can't quote Bible verses the way that Kristy or Emily , but I love that they can, and that has led me to open my Bible more at home rather than simply listening at church on Sundays.

I have received so much encouragement from my "blog friends" and I love that I can be so open and honest when I write here. I love that my blog has given me friends outside of my "normal circle". I did have to laugh at the part of the Wikipedia definition of "blog" that says "Personal bloggers usually take pride in their blog posts, even if their blog is never read by anyone but them..." I'm not so sure about "taking pride", but I guess I do like blogging, and I did even before I received my first comment, although it is hard to explain why I would want my journal to be online. I also laughed at the "Few personal blogs rise to fame and the mainstream, but some personal blogs quickly garner an extensive following..." because many of the blogs I read are ones that LOTS of other people do as well!

I started writing this post last night and think it took a different direction than I originally thought it would (hopefully it still makes sense...things seem to get disjointed when I stop mid-thought and try and continue later!) It actually sounds a lot like the post I wrote for my 500th post, but it is what it is and I think I will leave it. In a bit of irony, I stopped writing the post because it was about 11:30 and I was getting tired. It was too much thinking and I needed to get up early to do a stem cell donation at the hospital (my mom and I both have been volunteer donors and by using our cells as well as those of 18 other donors, a vaccine for breast cancer will be able to be manufactured at my hospital...the initial clinical study of the vaccine is complete so that is really exciting!) I stopped typing and started to get ready for bed. For whatever reason, before I even got my pajamas on, I decided that I needed to update my facebook status to reflect how freezing cold it is here. Simply logging in led to a two-hour facebook chat with another newly found facebook/blog friend (it was kind of a "getting to know you" session...ha ha!). I don't have ANY regrets about that leading to very little sleep because it was SO much fun (I am, however, very thankful to have been able rest during my blood donation and for the two hour nap I got when I was done!)

Blogging and my blog friends have blessed me (beyond belief...sorry, had to add in a couple more "b's"...) So, even though it seems "blogging" is a generational thing in my family, it really isn't (right, Laurie in Ca ?!). Whether it is or it isn't, it definitely has proven to be a very good thing for me at this point in my life...I won't go so far to say it is a "gift from God", but there are many aspects that have been, and I am sure will continue to be.

On a completely different note, last night was the final session of my Bible Study. We read the Book of Revelation and it was quite interesting. I am sure the next time I read it/hear it, it will mean a lot more after doing a little bit of study on it. Class starts at 7:00, and last night was the first time I drove there before the sun went down. The sun coming through the clouds looked really neat, and it was the first "upside" to the whole "springing forward" deal. I took a couple of pictures, but they do not begin to capture how cool it was (even after doing some editing/enhancing of my photos...I am definitely no "photographer" although I do enjoy taking "snap shots").

Prayers tonight to Benjamin Bolte and his family as he is having surgery tomorrow. Praying for no complications and good pain control (and nice, patient nurses wouldn't hurt either!)

Well, I haven't been very productive today...I don't think that is going to change now that it is 9:30...I think it will be early to bed for me tonight (definitely earlier than last night anyway!)
Good night.

Springing Forward Stinks

I am not sure I have disliked "springing forward" any more than I did this year. Why did I ever think that was "cool"?! (It WAS pretty "cool" the once or twice I worked the night shift and only had to work 11 hours instead of 12, and it IS kind of "cool" that it means spring and summer are getting closer, but that's about it for the "coolness factor".)

It was not a very bright idea to schedule myself to work three shifts in a row over "spring forward" weekend. I'm actually not sure it is a bright idea to continue to schedule myself three days in a row period, but sometimes it is an easier way to schedule (plus, no one likes to work Mondays and I try to help out). So, Saturday was a pretty busy day at work, especially for a Saturday, and even more especially since I didn't have any patients on the transplant service. When I got home I ate an entire frozen pizza (thin crust is the only "excuse" I have for that...that and it had zero grams trans fat and an "all natural" crust). Typically, I try to shut my lights off at 11:00 the night before I work. However, at 10:00 pre-spring forward time, I was hardly tired and was enjoying "facebook chatting" with a friend. She finally made me say good night at 10:30, which was then 11:30 and my alarm still went off at 5:30.

Yesterday was almost as busy as Saturday, which, again, is different for a weekend. It did make it a little easier not to miss facebook as much :o) Even though I was tired, my family had steak and potatoes for "family dinner", so I had to get my portion! Then, I talked to a couple friends on the phone and before I knew it, it was well after 11:00.

This morning, I was deep into a dream when I woke with the sound of my alarm at 6:06. My alarm goes off at 5:30 and usually I push the snooze until 5:57ish, but I didn't remember pushing snooze this morning and somehow managed to drag myself out of bed. Today was even more busy than the past two days and I was running all around (typical for a Monday...at least today I wasn't the only busy one!). I felt myself starting to get flustered and stressed out which was magnified by the fact I was REALLY tired. I kept trying to take one thing at a time, but the things kept coming and not usually one at a time. I felt myself getting close to tears, but held my lower lip in tight and attempted to carry on. However, at one point I had a 4-year-old cancer patient with high fevers and pain, a 3-year-old I had orders to send home who was vomiting, and a 13-day-old baby who was crying. Who takes precedence? ALL of them had needs that were equally important. ALL of them deserved to have me there right then. The crying newborn was probably the "safest" in the "grand scheme of things", but was also the hardest to ignore. I took a deep breath and tried to finish up what I was doing while figuring out my next plan of action. In the mean time, a nurse who I REALLY like decided to take that moment to tease me by saying something to the effect of "where is the nurse for that crying baby?!"...

and, I lost it. All those pent up emotions came out full force and I was bawling. Right there in the nurses' station (thankfully with my back turned to my four or five co-workers who were sitting there...oh yes, SITTING there...that definitely didn't help the situation). Tears falling and still trying to figure out what I was going to do. She felt really bad, but I'm pretty certain it was bound to happen the next time someone tried to talk to me. The charge nurse happened to see me crying and asked what she could do. I blubbered something to the effect of "go help my baby", I finished charting and decided to take a breather and splash some cold water on my face (I had actually taken care of most of the fever/pain issue and the other kids mom was there to so really could deal with the vomit until I got there).

I pretty much know that I should never think "it can't get much worse than this", because it always can. So, I didn't "go there", although the thought of "you can't think that!" did. Unfortunately, two hours later, we got word that one of our patients had passed away. Although the child was in the hospital, it was not for a "life-threatening condition". So, it was sudden and left everyone stunned, some were unable to hide their emotions. Then, everyone was emotionally at the point where I was and were left to struggle through the rest of the shift. Shortly after that, I had to cheerfully welcome a new patient to our floor right before change of shift. That left me getting off late and I only caught the fourth quarter of my dad's basketball game (they got beaten pretty badly, so it would have been tough to watch, which I guess could be a "silver lining" to this pretty crappy day).

I just finished eating a box, yes a BOX, of my favorite blue box Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I'm going to watch Medium on DVR and am thinking either microwave popcorn or ice cream will be necessary for that. Probably good I'm not a heavy drinker and there isn't any alcohol in the house...comfort food is better than comfort drink, right?! Probably neither are good, but I'm thinking if I get weighed and measured this week, it will not be very good.

Springing forward stinks, and sometimes so does working with sick kids for a living. Tomorrow I have a meeting, but I don't have to work another shift until Thursday. Thankfully, I found someone to work on Saturday for me. I was getting really stressed out about that because it is the memorial service for my friend's husband. I asked nearly everyone who could move from Friday or Sunday to Saturday and was not having any luck. I have never called in sick, and calling in sick would have left them two nurses short (since we are already one nurse short). My conscience was having a hard time with what I had to do. But, now I don't have to worry because things are covered (of course, then I have to work on Sunday for the third week in a row and I hate missing church, but at least I can go on Saturday this week)

I think this is the longest I have gone between posts in a long time. It was really busy, but I am glad I had time to type tonight...this definitely helps!
Good night.

Five Hundred Times

This is the five hundredth time I have posted to this blog. Five hundred times I have written words that could be read by anyone who chose to read them. "Do I have anything to say?" was the title chosen by me a little over twenty-one months ago because, really, I had no idea. The few who have come to visit and decided to stick around apparently think so! :o)

My One Hundredth Post came on the last day of 2007. At that time I didn't have any "readers". My Four Hundredth Post back in November got THREE comments :o) (I believe at least one of them stated that I must have SOMETHING to say considering I had posted that many times...there IS, however, a difference between "talking" and actually "saying something"! I will agree that SOMETIMES I do have things to say, but I still like my "blog title"!)

I have written about sad times and fun times. I have written about grief, and about hope. Sometimes I have posted even though I really DIDN'T have anything to say, but couldn't help but post something. Other times I have spent hours trying to put my thoughts into words that I would not regret having there for "all" to see. There have been days that I have had funny stories to share, and there were days I needed to write because my head was spinning and there was no way I could sleep unless I could sort things out. I have written about my family, my friends, my work, myself, randomness, seriousness...and more! I have posted pictures from vacations, weddings, friends, "my" kids, and "just me" doing "whatever".

There have been times when I wonder why I "blog", but most of the time I think it has been an amazing "experience" so far. My "blog" is a place where I can really be myself and thankfully has (thus far) been a place safe from criticism and judgment. I have "met", and become friends with people I probably never would have come in contact with if they lived down the street. "You" are such a blessing to me! Your words of kindness and support have helped me SO much! I remember bawling my eyes out last summer when I read this post of Kristy's . Even though our lives are so different, I could so relate to the "not fitting in" part. I grew up as a "likable" person, but not really the girl people wanted to invite to sleepovers or parties. Although I still think that I am somewhat "misunderstood" in the workplace, I know I can come to my blog, write what I am thinking, be myself, rarely holding back and folks seem to "get me". Of course I STILL can't get invited to your parties, but it isn't because you don't want me there, right?!

About a month ago, this was the "Quote of the Day". I think it fits well with this post, and my hopes for myself, (and this blog)--
"Be who you are and be that well." ~Saint Francis de Sales--Thank you St. Francis for the advice :o)

______________________________________________
My friend from Curves' husband died around 8:00 this evening. I spoke with her in the afternoon and she said that she was pretty sure today was going to be the last day with him. I let her know that I could come whenever she wanted (it was very nice to have today and tomorrow off). I made fajitas to bring her whenever she called (figured that was better than ice cream or alcohol!) I called around 7:15, after my dad's basketball game before choir practice to see how things were going. She thought it was getting close and I told her she could call me any time during the night and I would come. I cried through most of choir practice, and received a text message from her letting me know he had died just seconds after the director said that practice was over. I was one of four girlfriends who went to be with her this evening. We were all there when the funeral home came and took his body away. She told stories, we laughed, we cried, we hugged. We stayed until she said she needed to go to bed. One of her friend will go with her to the funeral home tomorrow. From experience, I know that it will be the months from now that she will feel most alone and need her friends the most. Thanks to all who prayed for him, for her, for their kids, and for me to have the strength to be the friend she needed me to be.
______________________________________________

Good night.

Forgotten Social Graces

So...I'm wondering if this whole "living alone thing" has gotten to me. I DO make an effort to go out every now and then (I even went out to dinner with some friends earlier this week!) and go places like Curves, work, the grocery store, church... Or, maybe a week with kids made me forget that I am, actually, a grown up. In any case, I'm pretty sure my mother would not be proud of my moment of forgetfulness this afternoon (not like Ron on the Biggest Loser last night who has the SWEETEST son who gave away his year of free groceries to the mother of five...aww!...anyway, I digress)

Anyway, this week my hospital got a new executive director that will be for pediatrics. This is a new position and it is very exciting. My hospital is also going to have a big review by the federal government. Because of that, they are making sure we are doing everything "by the book" and it requires some "tweaks" in the way that we have been doing things (the "rules" have already been there, we just haven't been as strict about following them). Things like changing location of storage and linens, no drinks/food at the nurses' station, no clutter in the hallways/on counters are just "annoying" changes. It isn't like we have HUGE issues, just inconveniences that we have to learn to deal with now. (Again, rambling...can you tell that I have a bunch of policies and procedures to read before my meeting tomorrow?!)

So...my manager brought the new executive around to show her a few things and introduce her to the staff who was there. We had a "warning" before they arrived, and I joked "when they get here, I'm going to jump out of my chair and go shake her hand"... Well, I didn't at first (mostly because I had been really busy all day and was enjoying my "sitting"). I did, however, blurt out, in a fairly whiny voice I might add, that I didn't like to follow the rules... Apparently, she did not find it very funny and responded that this federal review was very serious (um, YEAH, I get that). Eventually, I did get off my rear end and went to shake her hand (again, prefacing the handshake by letting her know that I had told everyone I was going to do that when she first got there...so, here I am, hello and welcome!) and then MAY have kissed her rear end for a little bit trying to smooth things over...

So, the running joke for the rest of the shift was that the new executive doesn't like me. I'm pretty sure that I never had the title "class clown", but think I may have captured it today. It came out of no where and I think my co-workers were pretty surprised that those words came out of my mouth, especially in that setting.

Yeah, too bad I will be having monthly meetings with her for at LEAST the next 12 months. Next time I will have to bring back the "Brown-nosing Me" and leave "Class Clown Me" at home :o)

Okay, now I'd better read those policies and procedures before I find some other excuse (like the fact that my eyelids are getting VERY heavy!) My first day of work without Facebook went better than expected, but that could be because I had four patients rather than the typical 2-3. I did check my email and Google reader couple times (and made the "mistake" of reading this post ...YUCK! Sorry Angie !)

Good night!

Edited to add this photo from my high school's fundraiser...yep, I'm kind of wishing I would have had that mask to hide behind :o) Okay, for REAL it's time to get reading!

A Nephew for Me

Yep, that's right...my sister and brother-in-law found out today that "It's a boy"! Everything looks really good, and they moved her due date up by a week. They are really excited! My sister always wanted her first baby to be a boy, so she got her "wish". Apparently, my mom had in her mind that it was going to be a girl, so she is having a hard time believing it isn't. A few weeks ago, I had a dream it was a boy, which I thought was a little odd since I kept thinking how much fun it would be to buy girl stuff (not that I put TOO much stock into dreams, but I have actually had a few dreams that make sense...eg. Once in high school, I dreamt my religion teacher had a baby girl who they called "Lily". When I told her, she realized that she was, in fact pregnant...she did have a girl, but they named her "Maggie" [her husband wouldn't go for "Lily" because they had a "Rose" and a "Hannah" and didn't want "Hannah" to be the only "non-flower"...as it turned out they have had another girl and a boy, so it wouldn't REALLY have mattered...]. Of course, I also had those Facebook/blog friend dreams a couple months back that were a bit crazy, so anyway...)

My sister and I went shopping and I bought a few outfits for my nephew (we went to four different stores, including gymboree...I got a REALLY cute outfit there and a "computer glitch" gave me $50 in "gym bucks" instead of $25, so that was an extra bonus). It was fun hanging out with her, especially since we don't talk as much as we should. She bought me a caramel apple from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory that was delicious (it was my "lunch", so I didn't count that as "eating between meals"...now, the ice cream I had a little bit ago is a different story!)

I went for a walk with my friend from Curves (even though there is still quite a bit of snow on the ground from Friday and it was pretty cold!). Her husband is progressively getting worse and now is pretty much only awake when he needs to get up to the bathroom. Obviously, she is having a rough time with that and is also starting to feel really isolated. So, she started letting friends come over to visit, and we went out to dinner with some other women tonight while her son sat with her husband. Thankfully, in an answer to many prayers, she discovered that her husband's employer will let her keep his insurance for an entire year (not "COBRA"). So, she will not have to find a new job with benefits right away after he dies. I started crying when I heard that because it was really hard thinking about how she was going to deal with all of those things all at once...

Yesterday, I finally saw another one of my friends whose son is a patient at my hospital. His transplant was two years ago this week, but two weeks ago, his transplant failed. Yesterday was the first time I saw her. She gave me a hug and said "it is going to be okay...I got a message...things are going to be okay" Um, definitely would have been bawling if that wasn't the only time yesterday when I was "super busy". He has a long road ahead of him, but faith and a positive attitude go a long way.

These two things, along with a couple "facebook chats" with Kristy in the week leading up to Asher's Birthday Weekend were some of what led me to write this post . Writing that post definitely helped me feel less overwhelmed, but feeling like "my" prayers were answered has lifted the weight that was left behind. Of course, my heart always finds it's way to those who are hurting, but today was a day to celebrate. Celebrate the tiny boy that is growing within my BABY sister--a tiny, but fiesty (apparently, he moved around so much during the ultrasound that the tech said she had to go really fast to catch good pictures) and healthy little boy that will be here in July for me to love (and spoil!) Celebrate the answer to prayers of peace-of-mind, optimism, hope, comfort, and being able feel the love and compassion from afar.
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On a completely different note, I have no idea what has come over me that I have begun to stay up later. It actually doesn't suit me that well...I've never been a night owl and it was pretty crazy that I could barely keep my eyes open driving to Curves at TEN-THIRTY this morning! Last night, I stayed up late "Facebook chatting" which was really fun, but thankfully I didn't have anywhere to be today where it mattered that I looked like a zombie. Tonight...no excuses really besides starting my blog post later (since I spent lots of time searching for cute baby stuff on etsy.com...that place probably should have stayed a "secret", but it is fun!). I probably should check my calendar to make sure I don't have anywhere to go tomorrow :o)

Good night!

Farewell to a Facebook Fix

Well, it seems I will no longer be able to get my "Facebook Fix" while I am at work. What a bummer! Some days, you just need that "down time" (although, I spent "chunks" of each hour on facebook during a shift last week...that may have been a bit much!) We have gotten notices before that computers are only to be used for work-related things while at work. Pretty much everyone, myself included, ignored them. However, when I received an email today with the words "being tracked" and "immediately terminated"...something tells me that I should get whatever "Facebook Fix" I need while I am not on the clock or else I may not have a job to clock into. I am CERTAIN there will be people that continue to use Facebook while at work, so I need to find something else to do to fill any "extra time" I have. (Too bad "power naps" wouldn't be an acceptable alternative) We actually aren't supposed to even check our personal email or check any other sites, but I may ask my brother-in-law if there is a "safe" way to get around that ;o)

It is nearing midnight and I can't believe I didn't "crash" way before now! I was really tired all day, but got a sort of "second wind" when I got home from dinner at my parents' house. That beng said/written, I think that is it for this post. I have lots of stuff I need to do tomorrow...some fun, some not-so-much. I'm very happy that I don't go back to work until Wednesday...tomorrow I am DEFINITELY sleeping in!

Good night.