Do I have anything to say?: Just as Hard

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Just as Hard

Six months ago tonight, I brought the girls back home to be reunited with their family. I didn't have any idea what "reunification" was going to look like. I had no idea that just when I needed it most, I would get a letter from the teen telling me how much she appreciated what I had done for her and her sister during their 16 months here.

Unfortunately, I feel like I have more tears in my eyes (or just as many) tonight as I did six months ago. All this stuff that is going on with the teen hurts my heart so much. The letter I got nearly a week ago reminding me how much she appreciates my role in her life was such a blessing, but it does make her sadness sting even more. She ended up staying Monday night as well since she forgot her bus money (so, she stayed Monday night, Tuesday night, and then Friday night through Monday night).

Her going home on Tuesday was what needed to happen, but it was hard for both of us (I'm pretty sure I've cried, or at least teared up, every day since then). Today when I talked to her about being "ok" at home, her response was "well, it has to be"...and she's right. I want so badly for things to be better for her. I know that I've made a tremendous impact on her life already, but there is so much more that needs to be done to get her where she wants to go (my biggest concern is her having to change schools for her Senior year).

I went to an all day training for foster parents and others who work with foster children/biological parents. It was really good and when it was over, I talked to another foster parent for quite some time. She recommended I talk to the teen's mom about doing something more like a "power of attorney" rather than "legal guardianship" so the teen could stay here during the week (or all the time?) and I could consent for medical treatment/educational needs when needed. I'm not sure if it would be possible or if her mom would agree to it (or even how to talk to her mom about something like that...she is really hard to talk to sometimes!) I emailed the therapist because, even though it could be seen as "meddling", I really think she is the only one who can help us sort through the feelings and come up with a solution.

October 2011

January 2012

March 2012

Even though I know I'll get to see them, in some ways, it's just as hard as it was 6 months ago...in some ways, it is even harder.

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This blog purposefully is left full name and location free out of respect to my family and to my patients/families. Due to the nature of my work, and having foster children in my home, it is important to maintain privacy and confidentiality. All photographs of patients were either given to me by the families or taken with family permission. Thank you for your understanding and support in helping me protect myself and "my people" =) If you have any questions, or want to know more about me, feel free to email me at iloveblogs44 {at} gmail {dot} com.

Who's Who

Updated September 2013

I have one sister who is married and has two boys. "A" was born June 2009 and "I" was born March 2012. We are both really close to my parents and have lots of "family dinners".

I wrote a lot about my patients when I first started this blog. Some patients are still growing and thriving, and others have lost their battles.

My first foster placements lived with me from June 2010-September 2011. They were sisters who were 15 and almost 3 when they were placed with me and are now 18 and 5. I called M "the teen" and L "the little one". They live with their mom who still has many issues, but are doing well (ok) and I still have (not enough) contact with them.

My second foster placement came to me September 6, 2012. I call her Zoe and she turned 5 in April. She has cystic fibrosis and has been a patient on my floor at the hospital. The plan is still reunification.

Ivy is a 17-year-old whose mom died just before Thanksgiving. She has a Guardian, but is unable to live with him due to some family issues. She has no other family who is willing/able to take her. She moved in with me the beginning of February. She moved to a group home at the beginning of August as her needs were too great for me with my schedule and having another child with special needs.