It was an exhausting week since I worked four out of five days (Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday), had appointments all day Tuesday, and worked at the pumpkin patch all day yesterday. But, we managed to have a good week, making as many memories as time allowed. The park pictures are actually from last week and the pumpkin patch pictures are from today.
Right now, I'm doing okay. I cried intermittently throughout the week. I had countless people asking me how I was doing which was really nice and appreciated, but I did sort of get tired of crying every time. I don't know what our future relationship will look like, but in some ways (if we are able to maintain contact) it could be better since it will be on their terms and not fighting hard to get back home. Their mom did say "thank you for everything" when I dropped them off which I'll take (since I was really annoyed that we hadn't heard a single word from her since she decided last Friday she wanted them back today...together, not the little one first like everyone else thought would be best).
I haven't had a chance to watch the recording of Sara (Gitzen Girl)'s memorial service from last night and missed out on her funeral that was Wednesday. It has been so cool to see how many lives she touched! It seems like Sara was one of those people who made EVERYONE feel like she was their best friend...what a great trait to have! Anyway, I have been "tweeting" with her friends Tam and Alece who live in Nashville and am thinking about going there in a couple weeks with hopes to "hang out" with them (and see my "other mom" and relatives). I tried to make sure that this wasn't an attempt to run away from my problems, but I'm thinking of it more as having something to look forward to. For YEARS I went on vacation for my birthday and "missed" last year since I had two kids. So, it isn't completely out of character to travel on my birthday and I got a "blessing" from my mom to go (although she doesn't know about the "Internet people" portion of the trip...ha!) :) Now I need to figure out the details and just go for it.
Funny story from tonight that I want to remember and then I need to go to bed: I brought the girls to a restaurant that for some reason has been our "favorite" and we've gone to more than half a dozen times before bringing them to their mom. For some reason we had like three different waitresses come to our table (I think one was in training). The one who brought the bill asked if we were paying together or separate. We were in a booth with the little one next to me and the teen across from us. I tried not to laugh when I said just one check. Then, the teen and I cracked up when she left to get it. Then, she put the check much closer to the teen than to me which only made us laugh harder. I'm wondering what was going through her mind because obviously she didn't see me as the "adult" with these two kids. But, whose kid did she think the little one was? Neither of us? Hers? Mine? It makes me laugh thinking about it
Pretty sure I'll be back here more often than I have been...until the next time, good night.
4 comments:
God works in mysterious ways, as you know! It's all in His plan, so I'm sure everything is working out for the best! I'll keep you and your girls in my prayers :)
Thanks Tara. God does work in mysterious ways, that's for sure. When I set out to be a foster parent, I never imagined having a teenager in my home, let alone a teenager AND a toddler. But, He knew. I have felt His presence the entire (almost) 16 months the girls lived here, so must continue to trust that things will work out for the best. I really appreciate your prayers.
i had to stop by after reading a comment you made on another blog. I had to give my first foster daughter back to her mom after having her for 16 months and loving her every minute of it like she was mine.
all i can say is i get it.
after 8 months of no contact her mom contacted me and we have seen our foster daughter twice now and have a "good" relationship with her mom.
when she first left i didn't fall apart like i thought i would, that happened about 3 weeks later when it all finally hit me. and i lived. and she is ok where she is. and life has moved on.
i don't know you, but i have a feel you did a great job with your girls and they love you and will talk about you just as much as my girl talked about me. enough to get her mom to call me after all those months. i am glad that you seem to have a closer relationship than we did. i hope you get to see your girls just the right amount.
Thank you, Mama Foster, for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment. I really appreciate you saying that you "get it", especially since not many people do. Even though I am "feeling the love" from everywhere, it's an experience that isn't easy explained. I definitely think that it will hit me a few weeks down the road more than it does right now (I lived alone for three years before they came and my house definitely hasn't been very quiet these 16 months!)
My prayer right now is that their mom is able to allow them to grieve appropriately for me and our time together. Even though I know they were (mostly) excited about going home, they are still losing a life that was very comfortable to them for 16 months. Their life is going to be much different and will take some time to adjust. I hope she will not dismiss their grief or view it as something "wrong" and tell them they shouldn't feel that way.
I can't imagine what you went through for 8 months wondering how she was doing! As long as the teen stays at her current school, I'll have "eyes" on her since I'm an alum and know many of the teachers there. I, too, hope I get to see them "just the right amount". :)
Thanks again for stopping by!
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