On Saturday, I was off, so got to go to lunch with my Grandma (dad's mom), mom, sister, two nephews, cousin, and her baby. It was really fun and nice to try and get away from the "foster mama drama" for a little while...
Saturday afternoon, I called the girls' mom and first left her a message (a long one). She called me back and we talked for a while (she was very pleasant to me on the phone, as she has been). Basically, my reason for calling was to see if she would be willing to meet with me face-to-face on Tuesday (my next day off) to talk about how things are going. I told her that, even though there are 3 of us, I didn't want it to be a "triangle" where one person was put in the middle or one person was left out. I told her that I thought we were communicating well by phone and text (a little stretch of the truth, but I had to try!), but thought we needed a face-to-face to make sure we understood each other. I told her that I was here for them and would be willing to help the teen get to doctor/dentist appointments and mentioned therapy again (she said she doesn't have money for that). She mentioned that she may be leaving town and needed to figure out some things, so I agreed to call her the next day (Sunday) when I got off work.
Little did I know that my initial voice mail caused quite a commotion in their home. She called the teen and wanted to know why I wanted to talk to her and told the teen to call me. When the teen didn't, she cursed at her and said she'd just do it herself (Hello, I wanted to talk to YOU lady...I already talk to you daughter). Then, apparently the teen got her cell phone taken away and had to stay out of her room.
Sunday while I was at work, I got a lunch time text from the teen (from her email account since her phone was still confiscated) that she could not take it there any more and she was going to run away on Monday. She said there was no way she could last another week in that prison. Her mom was saying lots of hurtful things and that she would have to change schools her Senior year (and not allowed to get a job). Thankfully, I was able to talk her out of running away, but it was SO hard knowing how desperate she was to get out of that environment. My "mama bear claws" came out and I really began to feel like I couldn't take it any more either. I texted her mom before I called and she told me to call Monday instead. We did text for a few minutes and the teen texted me saying that her mom was getting really mad that I was texting her and to stop which is so weird since she was being so nice to me in the texts.
After much debate (and prayers), I decided to call the Child Abuse Hotline when I got home from work. It was SO hard and I cried the whole time. I knew that if it went to investigation, I could lose a lot, but it was the right thing to do and helping the teen would be worth it. Unfortunately, there was not enough information from me to start an investigation (she knows better than to physically abuse and the emotional and verbal stuff is very hard to prove).
Monday while I was at work, I continued to message the teen through her email account telling her not to run away and be patient. I recommended she make her own report through the Child Abuse Hotline since she had information/details I did not. Her mom did answer my call when I called after work and we talked for a long time. She said that I could bring the little one to the Children's Museum on Thursday, but maybe not the teen. She said that the teen could not stay at my house and I could not bring her to her friend's track meet on Tuesday (I told her I'd cross my fingers she would change her mind and she laughed at me...I think I handle her pretty well even though I often think she could use a smack in the face or something ;) )
On Tuesday, their mom ignored three of my phone calls and then finally responded to a text. During THIS conversation, she said maybe she'd be going out of town for 2 weeks and would think about maybe letting both girls stay here through Easter...seriously, who ARE you?! Then, I asked her how my finger crossing worked and she did let me pick up the teen and bring her to the track meet/dinner (she was "good" and said I just should have her home by 11...again, who ARE you?!) The teen and I talked a LOT about what she wants/needs and what had been going on at home the past few days. Her big things are to stay at her current school for her Senior year and not live with her mom (preferably with me). She'd like to continue to have contact with her siblings, but realizes that may not happen if her mom gets angry enough. She wants to get out and be successful so she can help her siblings when they get older and mom treats them the way she is being treated now.
Yesterday, her mom confirmed that I could bring the little one to the Children's Museum today, but would not confirm if the teen could come or not. The teen told me that if she was allowed to come, she would make her call to the Child Abuse Hotline while the little one and I were gone.
This morning, her mom said it was okay for both girls to come with me. Of course, she was sleeping when I picked them up AND sleeping when I dropped them off five hours later, so I still didn't get to see her face-to-face which is annoying. I decided that it wouldn't be good if the teen didn't come to the museum since that was what we said our plan was. But, she needed to make her call in private. So, the little one and I left and then I had my friend watch her while I came back to get the teen after her call. It worked out ok I think. She needs to talk to some people at school who can continue the paper trail of documenting her abuse, but I'm really proud of her for taking that step.
I have done a lot of thinking and praying this week, and I honestly don't think she will be "ok" unless she gets out of that environment. I have tried being on her mom's side and tried to get them to work things out. I have encouraged the teen to try and let the hurtful comments roll off and remind her that she really is important, but I think enough is enough. I know that some (maybe even many) people will disagree with me, but the teen lived with me for 16 months and I've known her (and her mom) for nearly 2 years, so I feel like I am a good judge of character. This is beyond "just being a teenager" and I'm not a foster mom who is just upset she didn't get to adopt her foster kid(s). I have told her multiple times that I will fight the war with her, but she is going to have to fight some of the battles herself and she agrees. She understands that running away is not a good idea and she knows that this fight will not be easy (and likely not quick).
So, that's what's been going on...well, that and one of my favorite patients died on Saturday. She was 15 and had a great family...I haven't even had a chance to think about it much or do any sort of grieving yet, but I'm hoping to write a letter to her family which should help.
Hopefully I can get back to blogging more regularly soon, but I've been keeping busy doing other things these days...I do miss it and need to journal/diary!
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