Peace, Love, Support

There is so much in my heart and mind that I want/need to write about, including the fact that I read Same Kind of Different as Me yesterday (I had only read about 50 pages, but sat at a coffee shop for over 3 hours reading the rest of it last night). That book, and the feelings I got when I read it, could be a post of its own, so maybe I will do that. I don't want to say much about it because it was one of those books I was glad that the story wasn't familiar. {A--I know you "check in" occasionally...if you want to read it, I can bring it to work and let you borrow it!} This is the second book that was chosen for the "Bloom Book Club". There is discussion there, but I wouldn't go reading any of the discussion unless you want to know the story...more on this book to come, hopefully while my memory is still fresh.

So much has happened since I wrote that post this morning. I feel like this morning was AGES ago because of how much I have grown and changed in the hours since that call. There was freaking out, there were "frantic" phone calls and text messages. There were lots of tears. I questioned if I had made the right decision. I contemplated calling back to see if I could change my mind. I wondered why I decided to become a foster mom if I was going to say "no" (even though I was fully aware that "no" is a perfectly acceptable answer). I felt guilty and selfish.

But now, 12 hours later, I am at peace. Peace. I did not see that coming 12 hours ago when my stomach was in knots and I felt like I didn't know what to do...and yet, "somehow" I did exactly what I needed to do. I found love and support in the form of amazing friends (and family). No less than TEN, I kid you not, TEN people were in direct contact with me today to lift me up, support me, love on me through text messages, phone calls, facebook messages, blog comments. That doesn't even count the people I know who were praying for me. AND, I didn't even turn to those people who have been there for me/with me "forever"...besides my dad and my sister. God brought "the other 8" into my life in the most "random" (okay, "un-random") ways, but there they were when I needed advice, a listening ear, someone to tell me to wipe my tears and remind me that I really can't do everything/help everyone.

I was told multiple times that when a child is right for me, for my home, I will just KNOW. I was told that sometimes there are two open doors and if you are doing His will, then neither is wrong (or something like that...much better when she said it!) I was reminded that saying "no" is okay. In fact, Emily said that she, too, had to turn down a placement today. While it didn't feel like it at the time, or until hours later, the decision to say "no" really had the child's best interest in mind. Could I have managed if I had said yes?...not without love, support, and prayers, but I'm thinking "sure". Did I learn from the experience of taking a call and saying "no"?...absolutely! Do I feel completely blessed by the friends and "contacts" God has given me?...most definitely!

Did I fully explain what's all in my heart and my mind?...probably not, but it's time for bed anyway :o) What a day...I seriously was in my pajamas until I took a shower at 6:30 and changed into a different pair of pajamas. Back to work tomorrow. To all those who were instrumental in helping me find peace today, I cannot thank you enough.

Good night.