Do I have anything to say?: There are Moments When...

Monday, March 16, 2009

There are Moments When...

There are moments when I wish...

that I had "a honey"...like Saturday night when I stopped by the fundraiser at my church. I got there shortly before the dance started and the couples looked SO cute when the slow songs came on and filled the dance floor; or
that I had a daughter in middle school...like Saturday night when I filled in for my dad as coach of his basketball team. How I would love for my dad to be there to help me through those years...; or
that I had a toddler or preschooler...like today when it was SO nice outside, but going to the zoo alone isn't nearly as fun, and going to the park alone would be kind of strange; or
that I had a baby...again, like today when I thought it would be more fun to go for a walk if I had a stroller to push and the past five times I worked when I cared for a newborn; or
that I was experiencing pregnancy along with my sister (and friends)...like yesterday when I saw how cute her belly is with a baby growing inside knowing that a beautiful life has been created especially for her...

But then...I am reminded about the MANY moments when...

I get home after a shift that zapped me of every ounce of energy and compassion and I am thankful that no one needs me here; or
I sit at home on the couch behind my computer, in front of the television knowing that I am virtually responsibility free; or
I receive a call that one of my patients is really sick, or has died, and I am able to stop whatever I am doing and be with them, or spend extra time with them, or pick up food, or do their laundry...; or
I have looked at my life the way it is and thought it was "perfect"...; or
I have thought about how God works and know He has a plan for me and my life...if I leave it up to Him, He will do His best (just like the canvas that is on its way to me says!)

This sort of seems like a sad post. I suppose, in some ways it is. While having a child in junior high right now wouldn't have been a good "goal", my childhood hopes and dreams for where I'd be at "age 29" was NOT this. However, THIS, feels so "right", and so "perfect" so much of the time that it is hard to be TOO sad about the way things are. Not exactly what I had "planned", but I would have missed out on SO much had I been the one "in charge"...

So, I am taking THIS moment, once again, to remind myself that God will continue to work in me and through me, and continue to bring wonderful people into my life if I allow Him to. If I am meant to be a wife and/or a mother, that time will come. In the mean time, I will continue doing what I am doing, and be thankful for all that I have been given.

Good night.

Oh, I "found" another blog last night (as IF I needed another one...my mom asked me how many blogs I read "um, about six?!"...yeah, about six...that's what I told her anyway...pay no attention to that "blog list" on the left!) which happened at a pretty funny time considering Ginger mentioned it today on her blog. The post I read was about wondering how your "blog friends" would find out if something happened to you...something I actually HAD wondered considering only one person I know "in real life" reads my blog occasionally. Anyway, it was a pretty interesting read for my first time visiting! After that, she wrote a post about a new thing she is doing called "Extreme Makeover {Me Edition}"...I think I may keep my eye on that, because it sounds interesting!

Okay, for real good night now :o)

3 comments:

The Pittsburgh Hites said...: I know we discussed this the other night, but it will all happen, in due time!! Continue what you are doing, and eventually God's plan will start to come out!
So it's like 3am, but I have something funny for tomorrow to post, so i'm excited! And I think it's hilarious that you found Amber's blog last night, and then wha-la, today there's a link in my post! See, we talked about how small the world is. I just found her blog a couple weeks ago, but it makes me smile!
So, before my sweet husband comes and throws the computer out the window, i'll say good-night!!!
-Ginger; 17 March, 2009 01:59
Furry Bottoms said...: Hi!!! :) I know what you are saying. "MY" plans really did not pan out for where I thought I would be at my current age. And I don't feel bad about that because although I do wish basically the same things as you do, I can't be bitter about it because I feel I am where I am supposed to be according to God. It's all in his hands, and somehow that makes it all feel good.; 17 March, 2009 10:01
Laurie in Ca. said...: Wow Amanda,

There is a lot to think about after reading this post. You answered some of my thoughts I have had for you. Your honesty is sweet and very sincere. I love the way it all comes back to God and His plan for your life. I am praying this for you and I know He has wonderful things in store for you. You are so balanced on both sides of life. You are equipped for your future in Him. I love you girl.

Love and Hugs, Laurie; 17 March, 2009 21:04

Privacy Statement

This blog purposefully is left full name and location free out of respect to my family and to my patients/families. Due to the nature of my work, and having foster children in my home, it is important to maintain privacy and confidentiality. All photographs of patients were either given to me by the families or taken with family permission. Thank you for your understanding and support in helping me protect myself and "my people" =) If you have any questions, or want to know more about me, feel free to email me at iloveblogs44 {at} gmail {dot} com.

Who's Who

Updated September 2013

I have one sister who is married and has two boys. "A" was born June 2009 and "I" was born March 2012. We are both really close to my parents and have lots of "family dinners".

I wrote a lot about my patients when I first started this blog. Some patients are still growing and thriving, and others have lost their battles.

My first foster placements lived with me from June 2010-September 2011. They were sisters who were 15 and almost 3 when they were placed with me and are now 18 and 5. I called M "the teen" and L "the little one". They live with their mom who still has many issues, but are doing well (ok) and I still have (not enough) contact with them.

My second foster placement came to me September 6, 2012. I call her Zoe and she turned 5 in April. She has cystic fibrosis and has been a patient on my floor at the hospital. The plan is still reunification.

Ivy is a 17-year-old whose mom died just before Thanksgiving. She has a Guardian, but is unable to live with him due to some family issues. She has no other family who is willing/able to take her. She moved in with me the beginning of February. She moved to a group home at the beginning of August as her needs were too great for me with my schedule and having another child with special needs.