Struggling

I should have known this day would come again. It's been a while since I had a "breakdown" (I could easily go back and read when my last one was, but I'd rather just type this while everything is "fresh" and flowing). Sure, I've been close to tears a time or two, but last night, and then today they came pretty freely. Hurting someone else's feelings is something that makes me feel terrible (just one of many reasons I could never be in management!). I am afraid that I have done just that and it is making me feel sick to my stomach. I attempted to write an apology note, but it just didn't turn out right. I don't think I'll send it, at least not this version. Maybe I'll feel better about it in a day or two and can try again, or will figure out another way to "right" my "wrong". I have been having an inner struggle between my heart and my brain. My heart keeps "trumping" my brain, but I'm wondering if my brain was right all along and someone else's feelings were caught in the crossfire while attempting to create a balance. This seems to make absolutely no sense when discussed in such general terms, but I feel SO badly that this is the only way I can figure to describe what happened. Simply put, my good intentions failed miserably. I am just trembling as I type this, but at least the tears have stopped for now. This is a person with whom I have kind have had to try very hard to get to a "comfortable place" with and I am just so nervous that if I have to start over, it will not succeed. I just can't bear the thought of that! This person has given me SO much, priceless gifts and blessings that I would seriously be "missing out" (of course, I know that people do come and go in our lives, but this is one I would like to STAY, and probably NEED to stay!). I guess the "lucky" thing for me right now is that she is not a person that will make my life miserable and seems to forgive easily. I'll have to try and sleep on those thoughts because it's back to work tomorrow, so I NEED to sleep.