We Survived

I "may" have been left drooling during an hour-long nap on the couch, but we all survived yesterday's 3rd birthday and today's Princess Party. I actually can currently walk in my room (there "may" be a box with all of the things that previously were on the floor, but for now they are out of the way!) And, I have a scrapbooking room that is "almost" functional, which is good because we took a LOT of pictures and I need to start putting together pictures of M and L to take with them when they leave. M was SO helpful and I definitely couldn't have pulled it off without her. In fact, I'm guessing if you put the lists of what we did next to each other, it may actually look like I did "nothing"...why, then, did I need that nap that left me drooling?! ;) She and her friend immediately cleaned up after everyone left, so besides the balloons and presents in the living room, it doesn't even look like we HAD a party! (Seriously, what High School Sophomores are like that?! Amazing girls!)

Okay, onto the pictures...the few of which I feel "safe" to post, since technically, foster parents aren't supposed to post photos of their foster kids. But, I figure if they just look like other girls their age/size and I don't disclose the city/State where I live, it shouldn't be an issue. So, here goes.

Well, obviously this isn't "L", but it IS my nephew who is now FOURTEEN months old! I haven't taken/posted pictures of him in a while. He is getting SO big and definitely has a mind of his own. L isn't THAT great with him, but I imagine that is partially an age thing and also that she is the "baby" of her family. She gets extremely jealous when other people, especially me, pick him up and play with him. My sister is doing a great job with her, and for that I am grateful. She's still quite a bit more of a nervous/worried/protective mom with "A" than I imagine I will be, but he will turn out fine :)

My sister, nephew, L, and I had breakfast at IHop yesterday. I was mis-led in my wanting to substitute French Toast for pancakes and it ended up being $18 for L and I to eat, even though my sister and I used a Buy One Get One coupon. I was too distracted to look that closely at the receipt, but probably should have said something. Oh well, she got ice cream with a candle and all the wait-staff came and sang to her. :)

From there, we went to the dollar store which is just a fabulous place. I got princess balloons (3 of course) and a bunch of little gifts to add to her gift bag. Amazing that they can sell all that stuff for $1!

After that, we went to the place where my sister buys hair products. The girls there gave L a really cute bracelet after I told them it was her birthday...so sweet!

Then, I took her to that big store that I never go to because I prefer Target, but knew they had a nail place. She got flower designs put on her painted fingers for $6. Good thing they were cheap because she has already bit all of them off!

She got a lot of compliments on her dress, but I couldn't take credit for this one because it came with her. When the previous foster mom texted me, I let her know that :) This is a picture of L helping me in the kitchen. She likes having "jobs" and this time I was letting her help me make an ice cream cake.

I think it turned out well...and it was very yummy!

I had a coupon for a free pizza at one of my favorite restaurants as well as a gift card to the same restaurant. So, to off-set the cost of our "regal" breakfast, that's where we went for her birthday dinner. The pizza had like five kinds of meat on it, so after our appetizer, each of us could only eat one piece. Yay for free AND leftovers!

It was a nice night and still pretty early, so we went to a park. She went on the swing and we all went on the merry-go-round (I don't remember feeling so sick on those, but didn't last NEARLY as long as I used to be able to!) She went down the slide and ran around when I told her I wanted to take pictures some where.

Time to go! Fun tunnel entrance/exit :)

Now, I love M and her friend, but last night, their planning/communication was, well, likely normal for Sophomores. However, it left me with heartburn and definitely some not-so-kind comments directed their way. They wanted to go to the first school dance of the year. I, too, wanted them to go because I remember going to school dances when I went to high school where they go. The dance was 8:30-11:30. It isn't TOO far from my house (read: less than 5 miles round trip) but I wasn't sure how that was going to work. Of COURSE they didn't want to go at the beginning, so her friend would pick her up at "9"...and then I would pick them up and her friend would spend the night. Well, 9 turned into closer to 9:45 and the little one had stayed up because M had told her ALL day long that her friend was coming to see her/play with her. Of course L freaked out when I was trying to put her to bed without her sister here and was a bawling mess (plus, it was LATE and we had had a busy day!) I was so irritated that I was going to have to get her up to drive to the school...I was planning my "talk" the whole time they were gone.

However, things worked out, L pretty much stayed asleep, they were "silent" during the drive home, and she went right back to sleep. Then, the girls helped SO much with the party that I think it best not to say anything. Ah, the learning curve of starting with a teen and a toddler...I do feel like things could be a LOT worse and don't ALL parents just do the best they can?!

This is the only picture taken today that doesn't show her face. We had pizza, punch, princess cake, and our ice cream cake. Simple, but fun, and we had a HOUSE full! Ok, we had 12 adults and 6 kids, but it felt like a LOT since we were just in the kitchen and living room (oh, by the way, someone GAVE me that couch nearly seven years ago and Lord knows how long THAT person had it, but it works and I have other things to worry about/spend money on...you know, like my MacBook...ha!) My one friend adopted her two kids from foster care and they have some behavior "issues", especially the boy. So, that was a little tough and he blew out the candles for her. Also typical of kids' birthdays is that all the other kids want to "help" open the presents and play with the toys. But, all in all, everyone had fun and we survived :)

My family was all really good with their gifts and mostly bought practical, not that expensive gifts. It's tough, but considering their mom didn't really call to talk to her on the phone yesterday or today, keeping it "low key" is probably best. (She did call and talk to M both days briefly about what happened at court and about the plans for their family gathering today...well, that's what I'm assuming they talked about.)

Speaking of court, there is no official word on what happens from here. Apparently, the judge didn't want to make a ruling when everyone was there, so that doesn't sound "great". I think they had asked for visits to become unsupervised, or semi-supervised. Once they go to unsupervised, it may be my responsibility to transport them to and from visits. Sweet. I guess I did sign up for this. They system seems to move really slow since her last court date was in MARCH. So, hopefully the next one won't be so far away, especially if they can't move forward with the transition back until after she goes to court again.

It's such a mess...note to self (and others): Don't get your kids taken away because you will have to jump through hoops to get them back.

So, they went to a family birthday/reunion type thing with the visitation workers and I took a nap (and had time to post a very wordy blog post!) I was hearing "through the grapevine" that their mom wanted me to come to the party so the girls could stay longer, but she has yet to ask me herself (even though I spoke to her briefly on the phone twice today). That would take place less than an hour from now, I'm wearing sweats and my hair is a matted mess, so at this point I'd be tempted to say "no" if she calls to ask. However, I guess I'll see what happens when/if that time comes because my party dress IS still laying out on my bed (and I'm about to wrap up this post so I can get dinner).

We survived, and had a lot of fun. I have the next five days off and am looking forward to more fun with the girls :) This is my first full weekend off in FOREVER and it is awesome!

Ta ta for now.

New Look

I have to make this "short and sweet" since the little one is napping and I need to find energy to clean since there are PEOPLE coming to my house on Saturday for a birthday party (hopefully!) I also need to shower, pay bills, and be ready to go to a work meeting before we pick up M from school. Fun times :)

Anyway, on Saturday, my aunt and uncle came over to help me in my back yard. I've never really used my back yard even though it is fenced in. There isn't any lighting back there, but really I don't know why it never gets used. There was an ugly shed back there that held my mower, some "tools" and a handful of other items. The door had fallen off and it was a bit rusty (plus it was ugly!) So, my aunt and uncle took it down (with a little help from me!) I pulled weeds (there were a LOT of them...boy do I miss those weeds ;) ) and the little one played in the dirt.

I didn't get a really good "after" picture, but the picnic table is also gone and my back yard looks COMPLETELY different! I need to go back there and make sure it is "safe", because it would be really nice to be able to use that area on Saturday.

I got a letter from the agency reminding us not to post pictures of our foster kids on facebook/myspace. It doesn't mention anything about "blogs" (ha ha) but I'm sure it means that too. However, I'm nearly positive that none of the photos I have (or will) posted are images that could actually identify the girls. No where on here does it say where I live and my thoughts are that "L" couldn't be identified in a line up of other dark-haired girls of her size with pictures like the ones above and previous ones...hopefully I'm correct and "safe".

Okay, enough "stalling". It's going to be a little inconvenient having the mower in the garage instead of in the back yard, but I'm pretty excited about my new look :)

Ta ta for now!

Come on, now, really?!

Come on, now, are you for real?! That's seriously what I wanted to say to the person from the state who called me at 12:45 (after multiple messages left by me) to let me know that tonight's visit was canceled. They didn't have visitation workers to do the visits. It has been at least 2 weeks of canceled visits for that same reason (this time it isn't the mom's "fault"...well, not entirely anyway). That left me texting my mom, dad, and sister letting them know that they would be needing to watch the girls until I got off work AND would have to break the news to the girls that they would not, in fact, be seeing their mother and brothers today.

Seriously, freaking annoying.

And, not only that, but tomorrow's visit was scheduled for 10-1 and Sunday was to be the same. Oh no, that would be WAY too easy since, you know, the whole visit on Saturday morning thing was what almost canceled the birthday party for next week. Nope, tomorrow is either the boys OR the girls and is to be right during the time we were planning to go to church and a baseball game. So, boys it is. Sunday's visit is now from 1-5, seriously. Not only that, but NOW they have visits Monday and Tuesday as well which was totally not in the plan and we made OTHER plans for those days (Tuesday's pick up is scheduled right in the middle of a monthly work meeting...yeah, super nice, thanks).

Oh, and next Saturday's visit is in the afternoon, not in the morning, so I WOULDN'T have had to call their mom and work out a compromise that involved me inviting their brothers and attending a family gathering with them.

So, because they can't get their act together, I had two girls who missed visits, a sister who had to baby-sit longer, a mom who had to alter her work schedule, and a dad who is used to having the house to himself. I was at work, but it did make for a heck of a lot more text messages and phone calls! And this is just what this change did TODAY! Monday and Tuesday are another story because they want to pick up M at a time when she isn't even home from school.

Come on, now, really?! Do these people think that we're sitting around at home eating bon bons waiting for whenever they decide to have visits?! No, we plan things like birthday dinners and birthday parties, things like baseball games and school dances, things like work meetings and church. We aren't going to stop living just because we MAY need to be ready to change our plans at the drop of a hat.

However, we may be learning that we can't get the girls' hopes up for things that could potentially not happen. I, for one, don't want to be the cause of any more disappointment because these girls have had more than their share. I have learned how to make little things exciting, so toning things down may be tough for me!

On a good note of the day, my parents and sister have been AMAZING through all of this, especially since they didn't "sign up for this". Also, M went out with her friend to play miniature golf and they are having a sleepover. L was on her best behavior and there were no issues with her leaving her sister at school and spending the day with my sister alone.

So, with that, good night.

Part of the Deal

Today I had to deal with one of the not-so-fun parts of being a foster mom...

After many messages left, I finally found out when the visits will resume and when they will be.

They have never had visits on Saturdays, so I sent invitations and prepared to have a Princess Party on Saturday the 28th to celebrate the little one's 3rd birthday. We decided 1130-130 would be a good enough time to show we cared, but not be over-the-top. I planned on pizza and cake/ice cream. My sister ordered a little bit pricier/fancier cake as her present. It all seemed perfect...until I found out this morning that visits will be Friday nights 5-8, Saturdays from 10-1, and Sundays from 10-1.

Are you kidding me?! I was like "can't you just change the visit so we can have this party as we planned"? Oh no, remember that I'm NOT the mom, she is, and she gets her visits. Okay, I get that, but no way was I going to invite her to come to my house for the party for the visit as the person from the state suggested. How awkward would THAT be?! Sure, she likes me now and I've tried not to say anything negative about her, but still, MY family is going to be there and that seems kind of weird. So, basically I was told that I needed to call the mom to work this out.

I took some deep breaths and decided that waiting wouldn't make it any easier/better. When I told her about the party, she said that was nice, but she was going to ask me to bring the girls to an all day family gathering that day. Come on, really?! I just wanted the visit moved to 9-noon so we could still have the party. Then she was upset that I didn't invite their siblings, but seriously, couldn't they have THEIR family party on Friday night. Why is that my problem that she is super busy with all their family stuff so she doesn't have time to plan a party?! Grr!

Well, after over 30 minutes of round and round, painful conversation (holding my breath that she wasn't going to invite herself to the party!), we were able to come to a compromise...I think...I hope. She will "allow" me to have the party as planned during the 1130-130 time frame as long as I bring the girls to the afternoon events. She was still upset about the boys being "not welcome" at the party...seriously?!

But, I talked to "M" about inviting her brothers and she thought I should. My mom's concern was them "comparing" where the girls are living versus where they are, plus the fact that "L" will obviously get gifts because who doesn't want to buy something for a 3-year-old girl?! My concern was them feeling out-of-place and bored since I didn't plan any games and don't have that big of a house. However, in order to "make peace", I called their foster mom (the first time I have talked to her) and told her about the party. She, too, was asked to bring them to the family gathering that day, but this morning party fits better into her schedule for that day (don't ya love how foster parents' schedules are supposed to work around the biological parents' schedules?!) so it could actually work out "perfectly"...

Well, that is unless she changes her mind...

I'm still hoping she doesn't decide that SHE needs an invitation to the party (thank goodness for the family gathering, I guess...nice little "blessing in disguise"!)

I suppose when I signed up to be a foster mom, dealing with biological parents is part of the deal...and I know that I am lucky that she likes me (for the time being anyway)

Well, "M" starts school in the morning and "L" was REALLY acting out today, so that will be fun. I signed "M" up for driver's ed, so we went out driving twice today (in the cemetery which my dad so kindly pointed out is a good place to go because "you can't kill anyone there") The cemetery I picked had lots of winding roads and the second time we went in the evening when no one else was around. She greatly improved from the first time to the second. Of course, she didn't go any fast than 15 mph, but you wouldn't really want to on those roads anyway!

I have to get up early too, so better head to bed.

Good night.

Not Quite Ready

"My" teenager starts her sophomore year on Thursday. I'm not quite ready for the summer to end...

This has been a summer like no other...and like no other will be. All good things must come to an end, I suppose...as the saying goes.

This little one will still be with me...I'm not quite sure how my grand idea of "home schooling" will be, but we will have fun...and I'm certain she will learn new things.

Apparently, she does already know how to climb...

and I love my new computer...can you tell?!

Good night :)

Testing, testing

Last night I bought a new computer, my first "Apple". My brother-in-law told me it was the way to go. I just knew I needed a computer that would stop crashing on me (HOW many times has it broken since I bought it four years ago?!) While it financially maybe wasn't the best idea, I NEED to have a computer that works or I will go insane...seriously ;) I do have a netbook, but it is a bit more challenging to do work on there, plus I have been letting "M" use it. So, I took the plunge and bought a MacBook. I got it with 24 months no interest, so it will be less than $50 a month, which isn't too bad (for something that keeps me out of the nut house, definitely worth it...ha!)

I'm going to have to take a class to learn how to use it, but think using iPhoto will be a lot of fun. I enjoy taking pictures but am not a photographer by any means. I have no clue how to use photoshop or "fancy" cameras. However, this looks like a fun and easy way to change up my pictures. Here are a couple from when the girls and I went downtown to feed the ducks and walk around. "L" was being a little stinker tonight, but I still love her and think these pictures are cute (as are the ones where you can actually see her face, but I can't post those ones...darn!)

The first time I looked at Photo Booth, I laughed so hard I cried (and nearly wet my pants!) Yes, I totally took this completely unattractive picture of me in my pjs after a 12-hour shift, but it's the effect I'm after, so even if I was beautifully dressed, it would STILL be funny (and not very attractive...ha)!

I'm going to have fun with this computer. Tomorrow is my last weekend day off before school starts...wow! I'm not ready for those early mornings, but it is what it is and we will make it through like everyone else does :)

Good night.

Summer Fun

This morning, the little one and I went to a foster parent/child gathering at a sprinkler park (we left the teen at home to relax/clean/study). She was timid at first and clung to me not wanting to get near the water, but eventually got brave and even got her hair wet. I didn't grow up going to the pool/playing in the sprinkler, so we haven't done much of that this summer. However, I was able to capture some fun pictures of her enjoying herself that I am able to post since you can't see her face :) I got wet and enjoyed myself too. Maybe we will have to go back...we are going to have to find things to occupy our time once the older one goes back to school and it's just us!

Happy Summer! :)

At the Mention of Her Name

The teenager isn't talking to me. I guess the upside of that is number one that it doesn't happen that often and number two that it means I get to use our computer.

Today we ran around all day long and the little one didn't go down for a nap until 3:30. She was surprisingly cooperative all through our errands even though she didn't get a nap...I am so blessed!

Our first stop was at the DMV to get the teenager her learner's permit. We went inside, then realized that I needed proof of address. I wasn't sure I had appropriate documents, but ended up finding some things in the car and we went back inside...to wait and wait for our turn. She got her picture taken, did the vision check and then the little one and I waited outside while she took her written exam. She took her time, but still didn't pass so we will have to go back. She was given some practice questions so hopefully she will pass the next time.

From there, we went to the mall so she could use my "Vicky's" coupons which were for a free pair of underwear and $10 toward anything (she got three mini lotions/perfumes). We then grabbed lunch to go from Panera and went to meet with the caseworker at the agency.

We ate lunch and filled out paperwork. While we were at the DMV, we discovered that M's birth certificate has a different birth date than everything else...not sure why she didn't know when her birthday was, but it is what it is. Unfortunately, that doesn't sound like something very fun to change (I don't think her birth certificate is wrong like she suggested...guess she'll have to ask her mom the next time she sees her!) The agency had a bunch of clothing donations, so we got some things for the little one. "M" was given the tubs with things her size/age and pretty much stuck her nose up at everything until I went through one with her and showed her some items th
at WOULD fit and that money doesn't grow on trees at my house...ha! She's always a little "stand-off-ish" when we meet with the caseworker and hardly says a word which is totally not typical of the girl who talks my ear off even when I'm OBVIOUSLY reading/typing something on my computer...ha! I'm not sure why she is so rude, but I guess the caseworker is used to it and I haven't figured out a way to address it, or even know if I should.

After we got home, I put the little one down for a nap, did a few things, and then called my mom in another room while M was on the computer. I was talking to my mom about a couple of different things, including L's birthday that is coming up on the 27th. I think I will have a small lunch party for her on that Saturday with pizza and cake. I mentioned to my mom that I hadn't decided yet if I should invite the previous foster parents since the girls were with them for six months (and they are paying for M to go to private school, but she doesn't know that). Apparently M was listening because she yelled a "No" to which I shot back an "I wasn't talking to you". When I was off the phone, I let her cool off a little before I apologized for snapping at her, but really WASN'T talking to her. She wouldn't look at me, but responded by telling me that if she was invited, she wouldn't come out of her room and she basically that she doesn't appreciate me even thinking about asking them because they aren't "family". She said a few other things regarding "the way she was treated there". I have a hard time believing things were THAT bad there (HELLO, they put her in private school and are still paying for it even though she is living with me!), but told her that I appreciated her input and would take it into consideration.

That conversation happened an hour or so ago and she hasn't spoken to me since. She finished her practice questions and then went to her room. It amazes me that the mention of "her" name has such an effect on M. I suppose I really DON'T know what went on there, but I do figure that a teenager who is placed in foster care isn't going to be a big fan of her first foster parents no matter how hard they try. Obviously, the fact that they had two teenagers of their own living there (plus a bunch of pets) means it was a lot different dynamic than it is here. Plus, it was the school year not the summer, and I haven't put limits on television watching/computer use up to this point. Anyway, she did pretty much seal the deal on my decision NOT to invite them, but I guess there is nothing wrong with having her wonder about that for a little while.

I haven't heard when visits are going to start up again and I suppose she probably has some built-up anger against her mom that she isn't willing to place ON her mom. I can take it, right?! Ha! Well, I suppose it's time for me to go see what kind of mood she's in now because the little one can't sleep all night and we need to figure out dinner.

Ah, the life of the mom of a teenager...I'm counting my blessings, though, because I know it could be a LOT worse!

Night time update: Me blogging + her taking a nap = things seem to be back to "normal"
We went to "Dollar Tree" and got party supplies for a Princess Party for super cheap and did our work out after having ice cream together. Now it's time to watch Days of Our Lives on DVR ;)

Bummer

I'm really bummed out about a couple of things and I'm hoping if I "blog" about them, I will feel better/less bummed.

My brother-in-law gave me my laptop back today and said he was able to make it work again, but barely and to save all my files because he wasn't sure how long it would last. He said I need to buy a Mac the next time...I was hoping the "next time" wasn't coming so quickly. I got the laptop home tonight, turned it on, and nothing happened. So, even if it worked for him, it doesn't want to work for me...bummer! My net book works fine, but it is a little harder to work on and "M" is going to have homework to do that requires the computer and I still need my blogging/twitter/email time :)

The other "bummer" is different, but makes me even more sad than having to buy a new computer. However, it's something that I need to "get over" because there is nothing I can do about it. The little one and I went to a birthday party last night. We put on pretty dresses, I had gotten my hair done, did my make-up, did her hair, and let her put on sparkly lotion. We were dressed to party and both SO excited! She had a blast and I had fun watching her/chasing her. I did some visiting, but mostly tried to stay one step ahead of her so she didn't stick her hands in the cake, knock over any drinks, or do anything else she wasn't supposed to do (even though she is REALLY well-behaved, I had no clue what she was going to be like around other kids)! It was so much fun to be able to be at this party with my friend and her family, to celebrate this special life (keeping this vague on purpose, but if you've read my blog for a while, I'm sure you can read between the lines ;) )

As soon as I got home, I realized that I didn't get in any pictures besides the group one. I didn't get any cute pictures with me and little one, even though she did pose for a couple when I was standing RIGHT there. I didn't get a picture with the birthday girl. I still don't have any pictures of me and my friend together even though we have been friends for years. I just can't believe that I let this opportunity for some great pictures pass me by when there were at least two people taking photos throughout the party and I never took mine out once (and I carry my camera with me everywhere!). Honestly, my eyes fill with tears thinking about it and I'm hoping that by blogging it, I will be able to put the past behind me and realize that the memories are there even if the photos are not...

The teen and I started Jillian Michaels' 30.day.shred on Thursday, but skipped today since she hurt her ankle and I worked so wasn't motivated to do it alone...

Other than that, things are going well here, even with the "bummers". I have the next two days off and am looking forward to that. "M" starts school on the 19th and that will drastically change our routine!

Well, "M" is talking my ear off even though I am sitting here typing...ha!

Good night.

Two Months

I can hardly believe that two months ago I became a foster mom for the first time. Two months ago these two amazing girls came into my life and changed everything. We have been to the zoo and baseball games. We rode on a boat and watched fireworks. We danced in the rain and spotted rainbows. We have been to the park and to the movies. We read books and sing songs. We play cards and watch Days of Our Lives (that's "M" and me...ha!)

I am so grateful for this time and the blessings these girls have brought me. And, the "pit" I had in my stomach the other day about them not going home soon was pretty much confirmed today. I was talking to someone else on the case and asking how the transition home worked. From what she said, her "guess" is that the girls will be with me for 3-6 more months. Wow! I definitely didn't see that coming even though I thought 3 weeks was unrealistic. Anything can happen, though, and I still won't know for a few weeks, but it is nice to have an "idea" of what to expect (apparently in "State talk", hearing the words "we are trying to get you home" for the past two months doesn't really mean much...)

So, it looks like our time together and memories created will continue for a while. Of course, things will be hectic once I'm the (working) mother of a high school sophomore! I guess like every other family, we are counting down the days until school starts...she starts in TWO WEEKS!! (One nice thing about her going back to school will be the little one's 3-hour nap on my days off when I can maybe get on facebook and read blogs!)

That post took me forever to write, but at least I wrote a blog post :)
Good night.

A Pit

I'm thankful that I have time to "blog" today because I'm feeling rather emotional today.

Work has picked back up, but now it is SUPER busy...no happy medium for us! We have been full and having to work short-staffed and/or have people work extra shifts. It really is crazy how that happens. Having kids makes it a bit of a challenge to pick up extra shifts! I was, however, able to split a shift with someone on Sunday so I didn't have to get someone to watch the girls and still get extra hours. I was so busy yesterday (I had patients on the complete opposite sides of the unit which people don't usually do and after three days of that, my body was just tired!) and didn't get home until late. On the bright side of that, my pay check this Friday will be nice AND the older one had started dinner by the time I got home :)

The little one and I ran errands this morning. We went to the hospital to drop some things off to my A-team girl's mom. A is really sick and it's very sad to see her mom/my friend hurting like this. I suppose that is part of what goes on when you work with chronically sick kids, but even nearly seven years into this, it doesn't get any easier.

I also talked to the caseworker this morning and have a feeling the girls aren't going to be going back with their family this month. I guess my naive, glass half-full self was under the impression that things were better and preparing myself to say good-bye. However, their mom hasn't called in a week and has been out-of-town for two. I know she is with her family who needs her too which may be her "saving grace" and I'm trying to stay positive for the girls' sake, but I have this pit in my stomach. I cried at an appointment today (not my counselor or spiritual director...caught THAT woman by surprise...ha!) because I'm really sad for them. I suppose I should have known all this going into the foster care system, but I guess I didn't prepare myself as well as I thought. I guess maybe I tried to prepare myself to let kids go back to a place that wasn't 100% perfect, but not really for the disappointment that comes when they DON'T go back when you think they will. Of course, I'm not saying they NEED to go because I LOVE having them here, but it does make me sad their mom is missing out on being with her AMAZING girls.

While I was crying at my appointment, the older one was cleaning my house. She cleans ALL the time! Apparently it provides some kind of therapy for her (I'd much rather blog, read blogs, or sleep!) which is good for me :) I have a room that is a disaster (a pit, actually...ha!) that is supposed to be an office/scrapbooking room but has never been used for that. When I came home, she had not only made it so you could WALK in there, she also vacuumed and organized all of my scrapbooking supplies. I couldn't believe she did that for me...and, had I not used up my tears at my appointment, I probably would have cried on the spot at her thoughtfulness. Of course, if it becomes a usable room, she can do her homework there! There are a lot of things in there that she can't take care of, so I'll have to spend some time during the next couple of days/weeks to help her.

Well, I have a double-header softball game, so I'd better get a couple of things done before that...including eat dinner. My going back to work has definitely put a damper on our healthy eating and the older one had to resort to Chef Boyardee for lunch since I haven't cooked in a while!

Until the next time...

Something Beautiful

I "borrowed" this title from the song that is now on repeat whenever "M" is using my computer. It used to be that she sang Taylor Swift's "Crazier" a dozen plus times a day and at some point she changed to Needtobreathe's "Something Beautiful". I think I like this a lot better ;) Not that I don't like Taylor Swift, but it did get old after a while! Maybe this song will too, but it hasn't yet :)

After my chilling on the couch during their visit the other day, things got busy again. However, I felt much more able to tackle this week after that respite! It proved to be a tough one, so I'm very thankful I did get that break.

On Tuesday, I had a meeting at the high school where "M" goes to school. It is the same private school I attended. Their first foster parents arranged for her to attend there the spring semester. I was told by "M" that SHE got a scholarship and reminded her earlier in the summer that she did owe the previous foster parents something for giving her the opportunity. I didn't know how it all was working, but after my meeting on Tuesday, it really is "something beautiful". As much as "M" would like to believe she got a full scholarship, and the foster parents "inferred" to the State that she did as well, she did not. Yes, she got financial assistance, but the former foster parents were, and ARE CONTINUING TO, cover what the scholarship and work study does not...wow! I was blown away by their generosity and commitment to making sure she is given this opportunity. The foster mom asked for it to "remain between us", but of course I told my parents and my sister because I had a done a little bit of "whining" about the fact that they received a check from the State for June even though I had the girls almost the entire month (and still have only been given money for nine days that has all gone to paying my sister for watching them). I also thought it was important for M to know how much this couple cares about her. So, without going into detail, I told her that they were helping me cover the expenses that her scholarship didn't cover (like books, etc.) She got really defensive and didn't really talk to me the rest of the day. I do not regret saying something to her, though, because she carries a great deal of resentment/negativity toward them and she needed to know this.

After weeks of being over-staffed with little-to-nearly-no patients, my floor, and the PICU, are completely full and we have found ourselves under-staffed. Our acuity is high, too, so I ran my butt off the past two days and work again tomorrow and part of Sunday! My body had forgotten how to work that hard and my back and legs were not that happy with me today! However, I'm SO happy that next week I'll get a full pay check (and maybe a little extra!) Having a full census means LOTS of sick kids, though, and that is the sad part. My A girl is super sick and I'm super sad for her family. I haven't had a chance to go see her as often as I would like now that I have kids to take care of, but they do have my prayers and those are appreciated too.

Yesterday was the girls' mom's birthday. She remains 700+ miles away and they haven't seen her for nearly two weeks. I let them call her a couple of times this week and really hyped up her birthday. I made a little picture collage for them to give her and said we would make cupcakes. I got them, especially the little one, all excited to call and sing happy birthday to her last night when we got home. How disappointing it was to find out that the phone number they had used earlier in the week did not work. The little one got over it fairly quickly, but the older one hasn't talked to me nearly as much as she usually does. She looked pretty upset to me, but refused to admit there was anything wrong (although she DID tell me that only "maybe" would she tell me if she wasn't "ok").

In my "glass-half-full" mind, I'm trying to understand how torn the mom must be to be with her family states away and here with her kids. However, she IS planning to get them back and I would think that you wouldn't want to give the judge any reason to say you aren't ready. I have been preparing myself to let them go back to her at the end of August, but suppose I also need to prepare myself for the fact that that just might not happen. I'm fortunate that for my first placement it doesn't seem like they would be going back to a horrible place because I'm sure that isn't the case in many (hopefully not most!) situations. Of course, she won't win mom of the year this year, but she does have some nice girls.

The other night, I was thinking about all the little things that "L" and I do that are just "ours". "M" isn't around and we have our own routines, things that only we know that we do and say. It is super special for me to have that with her (little things like brushing our teeth together, how I tell her "one more song and then you need to let the water out", what she means when she talks about "doing this/that like Lady Gaga", and asks to "be a ballerina") and I'm not taking it for granted. However, a wave of emotion swept over me that her mom really is missing out on all of this. At the end of each day, I ask her to tell me about the fun that she had that day. She has gotten quite wordy and likes to drag it out for a long time so she doesn't have to go to sleep, but she says the sweetest things. She says she loves my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother-in-law, my nephew, me, her sister...and now that I type this, I realize she doesn't talk about her brothers and her mom only comes up every once in a while...that is sad!

So, lots of ups and downs, happys and sads, in the life of a pediatric nurse AND the life of a foster mom...I'm blessed enough to be both.

Prayers for ALL of "my" kids appreciated :)

What's Been Going On

I actually worked all of my shifts on my floor last week. Two of my last three pay checks have been horrible and I'm thankful that my mortgage company remembered me making a payment that I don't remember because I'm not sure I could have managed paying in July. There actually are now extra shifts posted and I received a call today to see if I could come in to help. It is much harder to do that now that I need to arrange day care, but I found someone to split an extra shift for me on Sunday to where I'll be at work when the girls are sleeping or at their visit.

The girls are gone visiting their brothers right now. This is the first time that I haven't scheduled an appointment or have a million errands to run while they are gone. Sure, there are things I could/should do, but I'm just going to sit here in the peace and quiet (well, watching TV and on the computer!) and enjoy it. Things have been crazy and stressful and I have REALLY missed blogging for many reasons. Of course, it probably is good that I've "cut back" but this has become such a great outlet for me that I need to make time to get online every once in a while for my own sanity :)

I know that being a mom adds extra craziness to your life, but I don't think it typically involves THIS many phone calls! Seriously, I'm on the phone so much that the little one referred to me by my first AND last name the other day! Whether it's the caseworker, the person from DHHS, or people from the visitation agency, I am constantly making phone calls. Unfortunately, it seems that I'm the one with the communication skills and the visitation people are the worst with this. Last week, the girls' mom left the state to visit sick family members. The caseworker and people from the state knew, but no one decided to tell us or the visitation workers so the girls went and turned around and came right back (there went my "peace" that night!) Yesterday, my mom sat with them for an hour and a half waiting for the worker to pick them up (the fourth different worker in that many visits, mind you). No one came and my mom was upset to tears for them (and also because it completely messed up the schedules of her, my dad, and my sister). Apparently the visit was canceled and they "forgot" to call us...seriously, this is 2010 and almost EVERYONE has a cell phone!

The caseworker came today. She didn't want to "predict" about what is going to happen at court next month, but maybe I was being too "glass full" in thinking that the girls will be back with their mom shortly after that. We are now working on my work schedule for October and it is SO weird to be doing that when I have no clue if I will have the girls and if I do, what their visitation schedule will look like!

As much as the girls want to go home, they are definitely having fun here. My dad is so crazy and the rest of my family is super fun too (apparently even my brother-in-law got into the goofiness yesterday while I was at work!) Just a couple of examples for effect--my dad made corn on the cob with dinner while I was at work. Apparently they ate it all and my dad decided he could just make corn from a can for me and my sister said they could just put the holders in the bowl for me...nice! Later, my dad was being extra silly getting the little one all wound up and went a little too far so my mom told him to go to time out. So, he got a chair, brought it to the living room, sat in it, and pouted. She is still talking about my dad getting into trouble!

The older one laughs and smiles ALL the time...and also talks to me (and to everyone in my family) ALL the time. She is really comfortable with us and we are also giving her the extra TLC that she needs. She is a joy and SO very helpful! I thought we were going to have an "issue" on Saturday night since she wanted to stay out later than I would allow (yes, I actually said "no"!) However, she decided not to give me any attitude and never really questioned my decision...seriously, what 15-year-old girl does that?! I'm so blessed! (I DID prepare myself for how I was going to handle "attitude"...ha!)

When I put the little one to bed, I started asking her to tell me about all the fun stuff she did during the day. Of course, she now talks and talks and talks so she doesn't have to go to sleep, but I still think it was a good idea. Last night, she told me about playing blocks with my nephew, blowing bubbles with my family, the different things she ate, and about my dad getting into trouble. As she went over her list, she was grinning from ear to ear so when I told her to close her eyes she had a smile on her face. Even though it does make for a drawn-out bedtime, I think it is important to have her go to bed happy.

My family is doing amazing with these girls. I had no idea what my mom would be like and she is doing everything she possibly can to help. My sister isn't just "watching" them on the days I'm at work, she is really taking care of them and doing a great job. (My sister has really grown and changed a lot...when my grandpa was rushed to the hospital the other week, she had her husband come home from work to take care of the baby and she spent over 3 hours with my grandparents...amazing!) Of course, it helps that the girls are really sweet and don't have behavior issues, but still, it is so wonderful.

Well, that should be a long enough post. I probably should eat dinner before the girls come back (or make something for ALL of us to have for dinner!)

Hopefully I'll be back for more blogging later this week :)
Good night.

Non-Stop

Being a mom is tons of fun, but things really are non-stop. I know that I have more "alone time" than most moms, but it is definitely a huge change for me (and, power to the stay-at-home moms...I'm definitely not cut out for that!) Even the older one who appears to be quiet and shy has been talking to me non-stop (or looking at me to play Skip-Bo with her) so my blog time and facebook time and email time has REALLY been cut down. Even now, as I try and type she is telling me all sorts of stories. I know I need to listen, it is important to pay attention to her because that's what moms do, BUT the little one talks non-stop the whole time she is awake (thank goodness she takes three-hour naps...ha!) I love "my" girls and definitely appreciate the fact that they CAN talk to me and express their needs (and wants!) without crying (or whining) and they can feed themselves, don't wear diapers and sleep through the night! So, I guess this is just a post to say that I'm alive, doing fine, but the non-stop chatter and hanging out with the girls leaves me very little time to blog. It does kind of stink a bit because this is where I get all my craziness out and sort through my "issues". Their mom went out of town so their visits this week were canceled...visits are pretty much the only time I'm here by myself.

To be clear, this is not a whining post...the little one is adorable and actually is really good for her age (as in, USUALLY her ears listen which is awesome!) and the older one is a HUGE help--she does pretty much all of the dishes and cleaning and tonight even made us chocolate covered strawberries and cherries :)

Well, the little one apparently is in her bed but not asleep, so I ought to have a little chat with her. The older one keeps telling me stories and I'm only half-way paying attention, so should say good-night to my blog...I miss you :)

Good night.

Kids Kids Kids

I only have a moment to "blog" before my nearly nightly game of "Skip-Bo". This weekend was the annual transplant reunion. I didn't take very many pictures, but got some with a couple of my "faves". If you've been reading this blog for a while, you remember me talking about "the baby" who is now the big boy in the middle picture on the right. He was THE sickest baby and to see him running around and playing is just amazing!

I brought the girls to church on Saturday and we all wore dresses which was fun :) The little one wanted her picture taken and I got some cute ones, and ones of her with her sister and some fun ones with me. But, there was only one (or maybe two) that she wasn't looking at the camera (this one may even be "pushing it"). The ones of the two girls are really nice, but I won't be able to post those ones. My family took a day trip to celebrate my mom's dad's 85th birthday and took a train ride. My nephew loved it, even though it was really hot!

People (friends, family, co-workers...) have been asking how things are going with the girls. So, I go on and on about "my" girls like a proud mama and it is great (I feel kind of bad sometimes about going on and on, but that's what moms do, right?!) I really do love these girls and I am so blessed that they are my first experience being a foster mom. "Everyone" seems to think that my approach with the older one is very appropriate and things are much better because of it. She cracks me up because she is really quiet around other people, but at home she laughs and smiles and makes fun of me ALL the time! Skip-Bo is our "thing" and so is teasing each other (I always complain when I have to do the dishes...ha!)

Well, I actually got to work today (yay!!) so am pretty tired (I actually signed up for an extra shift which is going to be crazy, but a blessing too!)

Good night.

Still Tough

I was driving to meet with my spiritual director and had this whole blog post in my head. However, I cannot seem to remember what I wanted to write. My meeting with her came at the perfect time because I'm still struggling even though I saw that rainbow and am trusting Him and His plan...and I took a nap today :)

While I was at the funeral of my choir director's husband, my sister left me a message. My grandpa had been taken to the hospital by ambulance and had gotten an emergency pacemaker. He had gotten better at my hospital and left last week for rehab. This morning, he went to his doctor and things didn't look that great. Unfortunately, he was brought to the nearest hospital and not the one where I work. My sister went to be with my grandma and ended up spending three+ hours there with her helping. I'm really proud of her and that isn't something I would have ever expected her to do. She called her husband to come watch her nephew and she went...wow! Apparently, my sister was less-than-impressed with the people and care there which is unfortunate. So, hopefully he won't be there long. I was only able to visit for a short time this afternoon since the girls were at a visit and the older one didn't have a key to get in if they beat me home. He didn't really look very well to me and had been hallucinating since the surgery, and speaking "randomly". Likely just effects from the anesthesia, but still not very much fun. My grandma seems to be holding up well.

I signed up to work a shift on the adult transplant unit, so hopefully I will get to work at least three shifts next week.

Tomorrow is our annual transplant reunion. I always love seeing our transplant patients who are out there living life rather than just seeing the ones in the hospital who are sick. Sunday, we are taking a family day trip to celebrate my other grandpa's 85th birthday. The girls can't come with us, but it will be a fun time with the rest of my extended family.

I'm feeling a bit "off" and am hoping this all wears off soon because it isn't much fun. Thankfully, the little one was back to being her sweet little self today with good hearing. :)

I'd better head to bed.
Good night.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

I needed this tonight.
Things are looking up.
I put my trust in Him.
Thanks for your prayers.

Struggling

I haven't had time to blog these days, but since I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, I figured I should make time (before the little one gets up and wonders why I'm crying).

I'm super sad for Sara who lost her dad suddenly last Friday and had to watch his funeral from her living room since she can't leave the house. (Information here on how you can make a card that will be sent with other cards.) She wrote a tribute to her dad in this post. I've never met Sara, but as one of her friends wrote about her, "Sara just reminds me of Jesus." It's true, her faith, her courage, her inspiration...she is amazing and I'm just really sad for her.

The husband of my choir director passed away the night before last. Services are tomorrow night and Friday, but I'm not sure I will be able to go. I'm going to try, but things really are more complicated these days. I've known this woman for SO long and showing support by attending services is something that I've "always" done.

My "A-team" girl is super sick and her mom is really struggling. I'm really sad for their family, especially when it sounds like the doctors aren't seeming very positive she will make it through this and get back home to her family. Of course, God is in control of that, but it is going to be a rough road.

I am technically "on-call" for work, but it sounds like once again I will not be working. I was "on-call" for a few hours on Monday, but was thankfully called into work. I was called off work a week ago, so this is the second time this pay period. If my math serves me right, I will be missing at LEAST 30% of my usual pay check. Considering the fact that a "normal" pay check barely covers my house payment, this is not good. There is an opportunity to go work on adult floors in order to get hours. I don't really want to do this, but after much thought and prayer, I decided that I ought to "suck it up" for a little while...unfortunately, I decided a little too late and was unable to take that opportunity today. I also caught wind of something that was happening where other nurses were getting paid extra to work when we weren't getting hours...that's when I lost it this morning and could no longer hold in my tears. I'm really struggling with trusting His plan in all of this, but suppose I am also thankful that I'm not used to living the life of luxury (although taking my girls to a movie or something would be fun).

I'm still waiting on getting money from the State for June. It isn't all about the money and my girls are fabulous, but that money WILL be a blessing (plus I need to pay my sister for watching them on the few days that I HAVE worked!) I had an issue with the other foster mom who was supposed to watch my girls on Sunday while we go celebrate my grandpa's birthday. She ended up asking someone else to do it, so I was stressed out about using one of my very few respite days OR having to pay this person. Thankfully, when I spoke to her yesterday, she said it would be okay and we didn't need to do either of those things. However, it still doesn't quite sit right with me that the other foster parents will get paid for the whole month of June as if they had the girls when they really didn't, but it is what it is and I shouldn't worry about it.

The conversation with that other foster mom yesterday was SO weird. She said that both she and the previous foster mom had not had good experiences with my teenager. She said that "M" was obnoxious and snotty and refused to help around the house. Really?! This girl who has been doing dishes and laundry and vacuuming since the day she stepped foot in my house?! This super sweet girl with the big smile who now giggles quite often and NEVER stops singing?! This girl who teases me and talked NON-STOP about her camp experience for two days?! I'm not here to judge and I KNOW I'm not perfect, but it makes me wonder what she felt like in those houses to make her act like that. Yesterday I "mentioned" that I needed to clean the bathroom and when I thought she was showering, she was actually cleaning the bathroom. Seriously, I love that girl. For some reason I didn't have much patience for her little sister yesterday, but hopefully today is better for both of us :)

So, I'm struggling, but the tears have stopped for now. I'm praying that things at work will get better soon and that I can continue to trust Him and His plans for me.

On a "really cool" note, I received an amazing message in my fb inbox. Back when I was in high school, my family did foster care for two sisters who were 5 and 3. We ended up kind of being a "respite" family. My dad wanted to adopt the 5-year-old, but the 3-year-old had severe fetal alcohol syndrome and was non-verbal and we didn't feel equipped to handle that. The 5-year-old had some behavior issues from the abuse/trauma she had endured and at the time they were a "pair" so it ended up not working out. They ended up splitting them up and the older one was adopted by a single mom. She is now 19 and the mom of a baby and my friend on fb. Over the weekend, she sent me a message about "the good old days" and missing having spaghetti at my grandma's house. That message really took me by surprise because she was only FIVE and really only with us for about three months. When I responded that I couldn't believe she remembered, she said of COURSE she remembered. I guess that really shows how much of a difference you can make in a child's life in a very short time, even if it is "nothing".

Well, the little one is up and I think it's time to stop crying and have breakfast.

Good-byes

Yesterday morning, I sent "M" off to camp. After the tears and packing delay the previous night, I was wondering how the morning would go. I was thankful to have sent out a "prayer request" on twitter because I didn't witness any tears. We stayed until the bus left, then "L" and I had a fun day with a picnic in the park before nap and then pizza and the park for dinner after her visit with her mom was canceled. There were a few tears at bedtime, but we stayed at my mom and dad's, so I think that helped take her mind off missing her sister. I, however, did NOT sleep well at my mom and dad's for some reason and woke up every hour. My sister said that "L" didn't talk about "M" today and she went to bed without any problem and I hope that "M" is doing just as well (or better!) than her sister :)

This is a picture from my phone I took when we went Downtown last week.

My mom was ironing this dress when I got there last night. She was shocked that I said it was SO cute and that this style seems to have come back. (Okay, I could totally be wrong, but I think it's really cute!) My mom thought that one of her sisters had worn it and I HAD to bring it home with me. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous to put "L" in it since I'd probably be sad if something spilled on it, but maybe I just need to get over that ;)

____________________________

Work is still super slow and I didn't get my full 12-hours in again today. In the last six times I was scheduled to work, I was forced to stay home one of them and forced to leave early three of them. So, only two full shifts out of six which is really stinky considering that six shifts is two weeks for me :( We have so few patients right now that I won't be surprised to get forced to stay home again this week, maybe even on Monday!

One of my favorite patients/moms is back here in the hospital (my "A-team girl" for those of you who have been reading long). They came back late last week and she is pretty sick. I was able to drop off a few things for them to have when they got here, but didn't get to visit until today after I got off. They both had to quickly say good-bye to the rest of their family, their home, their daily routines, etc. They have no idea how long they will be here and that is really sad. Her mom and I had a nice visit and I'm hoping she will make it to my floor soon (and then on her way back home :) ) Prayers for their whole family appreciated.

I have this quote on the side of my blog I found in the PALS Handbook--"We know that children are a rejuvenating wellspring of love and wonder, and caring for them nurtures us as well as them. We know that our work results in more laughter, more discovery, more sleepovers, more birthdays, more cupcakes, more dances, more graduations and eventually more of us." ~Dr. Robert Hickey--and that is what I focus on during these tough times when kids who were doing so well come in SO sick. I love being able to make a difference in childrens' lives on a regular basis, and can often get paid to do that ;)
_________________________

Since it was slow at work and we can't get on facebook, I decided to see if I could catch up on some blog reading. I saw in a "tweet" that Sara/Gitz had posted something yesterday. She does Flashback Fridays sometimes, so I was curious as to what she had written. Now, I know I've mentioned Sara here previously. She is an amazing woman who has been able to find joy in the little things even when she can't so much as open a window, let alone leave her home. Only 100% healthy people can visit her and she lives in constant pain. And yet she writes some of the most beautiful posts and I am always left encouraged (and often guilty that I don't always treasure the little moments). It was so hard to keep the tears inside when I scrolled down to this post and read these words --"It’s me, Susie – Sara’s favorite (actually only) – guest blogger. I’m writing this guest post for her today with the heaviest of hearts. Sara received word today that her dad passed away suddenly of an apparent heart attack. He was out on a boat with Sara’s mom and her aunts and uncles on the most gorgeous of summer days. He was doing one of the things he loved most and had just winked at his wife. A few moments later, he mentioned that he didn’t feel well. He then collapsed and was unable to be revived by family or paramedics. It is still so hard to believe – he was the picture of health and he and Sara’s mom had just visited on the 4^th of July. Please keep Sara in your thoughts and prayers..."

Stunned, speechless, saddened...and probably why you shouldn't read blog posts while at work ;)
I can't begin to imagine losing a parent suddenly like that and pray I never have to experience it. To make matters worse, my heart is just broken as to how she is going to be able to say good-bye to him and be with her family when she can't leave her house? I've definitely been praying for her health and that something can be figured out to make it so she can do what she needs to do to participate in the services or whatever would help her at this time.
___________________

Well, this was kind of a downer post, but at least I started with a cute picture ;) On a lighter note, I said good-bye to my parents because they are going on vacation tomorrow until Saturday and get to see the Grand Canyon :)

I'd better go to sleep so I can get the little one ready for her visit in the morning (usually her sister does that...ha!)

Good-night.

Tears Are Ok

Yesterday I was forced off work again due to low census/being over-staffed. I was forced to stay home three times in June and had to leave early last Friday and on Monday. My last pay check was 12 hours short which is 1/6 of my regular scheduled shifts. The day before yesterday, I knew that I was likely to be forced off yet again. The girls and I ran here there and everywhere as we seem to do (which is fine, but Tuesday seemed to be extra busy!) I had an appointment to see my counselor at 5 and thought the girls would be picked up before 4:30 for their visit (by 4 actually was what I was thinking). So, I offered to bring the older girl's ("M") friend home after they had spent a few hours down town on my way to my appointment (even though it wasn't "on my way") Well, 4:35 rolled around and "M" just told me to go.

I was late to my appointment and was crying by the time I got there (oh, we had spent a great deal of time trying to put together the toddler bed for the little one...it was dropped off to me in a box...nice...good thing I'm "handy", but it was still frustrating to put together!) Good timing for a meeting with the counselor, I guess! Tuesday was extra hot and my car just would NOT cool off. So, I knew that I wouldn't get paid for the next day AND my a/c appeared to be broken...seriously?! Things are going SO well in my life besides financially, but I'm still trusting that things will work out. I have put in a request for the State to pay at least a portion of what I am giving my sister to watch the girls while I work. I am only planning to pay her about $50 a day plus incidentals, but that still takes a good chunk out of what the State will give me. That maybe would be more "ok" if I was actually getting paid to work full-time, but right now I am not.

Anyway, there are going to be forums and I there have been emails from the director, so at least people are looking into this work issue, but it is still pretty stressful!

Tomorrow morning at 7AM, I am dropping off "M" for a weekend at camp. She will return to me at 6PM on Sunday. I've been trying to figure out how she is feeling about this and she isn't giving me a whole ton of feedback (besides she isn't looking forward to bugs!) I know that she is super shy, but this sounds like it will be a good "fit". I told her that when she returns, I want to know the names of two people and three things she learned about them during a conversation (I thought that talking to two people was a manageable goal...ha!) She also is not looking forward to leaving her sister. So, for a few minutes this evening, I had two crying girls and am sure there will be more tears in the morning (any spare prayers are appreciated!) I assured "M" that tears are okay and "L" too, telling her that things will be okay. I had "L" help me make a little 5x7 photo collage with three pictures and made copies for both of them to have. "M" won't tell me that she is looking forward to this weekend, but I really think it will be a good experience for her (I was told it was for teen girls who are or have been in foster care).

Well, I have to be up bright and early too and today was a busy day. We went swimming AND I mowed the lawn, so I'm a little worn out from the sun AND running around :)

Good night.